Monday, October 16, 2017


It looks like I have a pretty good idea with how to manage my time properly. From basically getting to work after waking up, it's like I'm not really trying to waste my time and take care of business. Just by doing this, I am made really well with spending my time well.

I think I have a much cooler attitude with my tasks these days and just not really about fretting from not having enough fun. There's pretty much a way for getting things done and it isn't impossible.

Approaching Women Confidently

I have no problems and issues with being turned down by any woman if I really like her. For myself, I feel that I haven't got myself to a state yet that I desire to start dating anybody. I want to still work at myself before I go for a really swell woman. From all the socializing I have done with lady friends who look hot sometimes, I totally suppress those emotions and love to hold meaningful conversations with them. It looks like I'm not really interested in a romantic relationship with them because of maybe their tendencies to want independence.

I get really physically attracted sometimes when I hug a female friend and try to bear hug her affectionately for a short period. She doesn't mind and still acts friendly while probably not even knowing that chemistry goes on in my head. I've been able to be aroused at certain periods and just be like it's passing to my head and still be in control while hanging out.

I'm getting pretty good at monitoring my own personal sexual desires these days. With this lady friend of mine, I know she wouldn't be able to be fully committed to the best of her ability in a relationship. She has a psychological condition that I managed to bring myself out of. I just love the fact that I bond with her from my depressing past and can share some meaningful conversations and just chill while having fun with her.

Passing the Moment

I believe that time management is one of the biggest critical things for me right now that I would love to have mastery over. Along the way, I've been developing some beautiful friendships with decent looking and attractive girls. It doesn't really bother me that much to say the truth that I'm not in any dating relationship with any of them. I guess I'm just really picky and see some flaws with them naturally that would really hinder me from wanting to go on dates with them in the first place.

Just because a girl looks hot, I'm not really trying to pursue a date with her. I would like to take my time with just getting to know her and look at it from the sidelines. I know I'll do okay with a really loving and blessed relationship, but I just don't feel ready economically enough to pursue girls. I also want to continue to improve my appearance as well, so I'm about half way there right now and right at the beginning in some places.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Understanding Myself

I can be a strong button pusher and also push the envelop with people. This is what has been developing for me with some people and fortunately, the situation isn't really that bad for me and I don't really have to take what those people think that seriously either now.

It's all underneath me and preparing myself more these days, I don't think I need to act out in fear or anger with people anymore. I can just be calm and say the truth and I guess from doing that, I find myself to be naturally a light-hearted funny guy.

Sticking To Agenda

This is one thing that I need to work at doing. I guess it's really for me to be sidetracked from having set out to do something and then be led into another to spend my time. It's not entirely too bad from last night with how I fared. It's unfortunate though because I'm reaping personal feelings of not having really met my desires that I made for myself.

The thing that has been so hard for me is dealing with distractions from family while I have plans to do something. I know I could be doing a lot better.

One of the things that I'm understanding better these days is that it really doesn't bother me to not get that much recognition from friends. I think I work better from not being bothered anyway. There's so much more potential that I have and I haven't reached it yet. I'm putting stuff that could be cool in some cases but the quality isn't really there yet and needs a lot of polishing.

With people being spoiled, I guess this is what causes them to try to move away from me or me with them. It's pretty much back to trying again and figuring things out for me.

No Fear, No Anger, Just Truth

I think a lot of my problems with people even though those matters aren't that serious as it felt back then, is that I just let scared feelings and anger get in the way of things. It's been really hard to not give into some past scenarios and replaying back, I just felt like I could have damaged a person from just letting out my anger with him or her. I mean I feel bad about doing those things so that's my fear of feeling guilt.

My anger was practically being yelled at or people not adding me as a friend anymore or dropping me as a friend. In dealing with both my fear and anger, I had trouble opening up with the people I felt bothered by. They didn't really know what was going on because I wasn't revealing all the truths about me that I didn't want them to know.

It looks like from the intensity I felt in dealing with these people, I can treat the matter as being a real world issue for myself. At the end of the day though, I'm relieved it's not really that bad as I made it out to be in the past. It's not something that is too hard to get over and the one desire I had trouble doing was pushing the envelope with people out of fear.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Prioritizing Again

It seems like I'm really uncomfortable talking about every micro-detail going on with me on this blog. I guess I'll keep some of it private then because I wouldn't want someone to read up on me from this site just to expose me being completely honest as possible with myself.

Probably one of the major tools that I will have to utilize is discipline of my time management. I think I'll list out the things I want to complete and try to get them done before trying to finish off the night doing whatever. I think rest is really vital, so I might not get around to entertaining myself so I need to get used to that.

Setting Priorities Straight

I guess one of the things I should be doing then is just planning my steps. There's really not much to it. The hard part is really just executing it without being distracted by other things.

It does really feel good to set aside to complete one major activity before moving on to the next and then finding yourself with downtime to do whatever from completing what's on your list. The problem that I'm facing is that I may have too many priorities that I want to complete and just not physically able to. I need to figure out how I can make my time more worthwhile.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Dealing With a Guy or Girl

Guys and girls are generally so different. Basically I started off liking with being friends with guys and thought girls had cooties. I was like yuck whenever a cute little girl approached me to play with her. It happened maybe only once and then all the girls stopped approaching me.  A few cute little girls were fun when I was in elementary and I think only one fat teacher who was like 400 pounds hated me and that was about it. Man that fat teacher was a bad apple to me and I just wanted to hate on her while I stared at her walking and moving all of that mass. I felt like I could hear a boom boom bass drum with every step she took. That teacher passed away early and I had no words to say about it. Now looking back, I recall the teachers back then said you'll look back and be like all cool about what you went through. Precisely, those teachers were right.

I think I just wanted to be better and did not know what I was doing and going with that ignorant direction completely sucks. It's better to just be open-minded and research about topics that interest you and possibly take from that what community has to offer you. If you can give back, then that's great too I suppose! I tried doing that a few times and it feels good to get recognition. You just can't go wrong with that.

Well with guys, generally to make fun of them and get something across while they are snapping and you fuming with them, you just talk trash about how they are making a living. You only do this if you really have a point and their defenses will go up and if you can break through that barrier like I've been able to with some dumb guys, those guys will just look hopeless and crash and burn with you. This is only with guys you are just really mad at and want to make fun of them to the point that they can't do anything about it. It really disrupts their confidence and that's all you have to talk about.

From my experiences with dealing with agitated young women, they are so helpless! Looking back, they are like ready to be submissive with you. I think that's what the total secret is with them, so the general idea is to end up being nice to them and being straight-forward with plenty of details. Generally, to hurt them it's really putting out consequences they may have no control over or something they just dread so much. It's a little complicated and something you just do in a natural fashion but yeah being straight-forward with plenty of details and communicating clearly even if it's stupid will generally get the girl to relax a little bit with you. Girls just like being this submissive or nice person underneath with you, especially if you are a decent guy. She can't do everything for you, if she's already in a committed relationship and will feel bad, but these are what girls generally like to feel with you.


Diligence is pretty much putting in a painstaking effort to get something done. For example, it's like playing a video game and staying persistent with it while it gets boring to pass the whole game. I've done that with a few games in the past and only to feel excited after passing it right after, so it's like hidden and something you might never know. This is probably what got me addicted to games in the first place.

After awhile of being a game addict, I felt very sheepish to be continuously trying to play it over and over again. It was feeling like an empty life for me and not really satisfying me so much anymore. I was also feeling guilty over not prioritizing with other stuff that was out there and wanted to have more fun besides just feeling empty and all by myself. I wasn't feeling good at all sometimes and actually feeling restless with a lot of negative energy and fatigued while getting headaches with frustrations when I was going after doing other boring chores.

It just took a dedicated effort to become more self-aware of myself and despite it being so hard from having no direction, I just continued to try. While feeling so hard on myself, which was probably one of the biggest issues I had growing up, life was pretty hard to deal with. Even though I had nothing much going for me, I wasn't able to look at the big picture and just feeling like a mess totally inside while not trying to show it to anybody.

It was more than just finding a cure for my mental depression. It was about looking for answers and finding constant joy and happiness.  

I'm a Believer

With the world having billions of people, I'm a true believer that there is a hot woman out there who will love and marry me. It's ought to happen all in time so I'm not stressing it anymore. With me getting older, I guess I can go without kids and maybe even have the heart to adopt a few if I'm wealthy. I guess I don't want to be too old by the time I'm able to have a child with a hot wife!

I don't think it really matters to me though. Honestly, I'd rather have a lot of fun being intimate with her if you know what I mean. With there being so many fish in the sea, I guess I screwed up with some very terrible choices by default and I don't regret it because I did absolutely nothing with those girls!

Thursday, October 5, 2017

So Very Difficult

Time management is turning out to be very hard to do. I'm like aware and my mind feeds me weak signals but I'm unable to do what I want to set myself out to do. They are only excuses because when I'm in the moment while at home, I just want to chill and not really work hard especially after driving home through traffic and eating a meal cooked by my mom.

It's not a bad thing and I want to blame the traffic and my mom's cooking for not being able to do anything, but they are only bad excuses for my lack of time management and overloading myself with desires that I can't seem to keep up with. This is pretty much my problem right now. In the past, probably from being withdrawn with my mental depression, I just played video games and kept life simple while feeling lonely and wanting something more out of life. When I took the hard step to drop playing video games that used to stimulate my brain and entertain or anger me from competing against other players, my life slowly started taking a different direction.

I haven't really regressed into playing a popular video game. I just can't seem to find the time to have fun with it. I'm becoming more practical but yet I'm just opting to sit there and watch TV or read up on useless entertaining material. Yeah, it's fun to read up on Top 10s on any topic that grabs my attention like sex or iconic movie scenes. I guess that's how those sites make money and stick around in their Internet business. I'm better off moving along then maybe and have to just keep on trying.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Time To Try

I guess I'm going to be crazy and go running in the afternoon. I think I'm really motivated and don't mean anyone bad, but I guess I'll just live with it and take it easy to say the truth.

Better Experience

I guess I'm so tired and it's hard so I need to do the best I can while in that situation. For the most part, I think I'm going to have to just work efficiently as possible so that I wouldn't have to worry about that part. When it does come up, I don't know, maybe I could stop by and get some late night and light coffee or something because caffeine doesn't seem to last for a long time anyway.

Also, I figure that I wouldn't want to stay up late anyway and wake up the next day well-rested. 

Trying To Play Catch Up

I guess I'm doing the best I can right now with everything. It's really hard for me so it's just tough to put everything together. I just need to work at it and put my time and word into it. Yeah, it's pretty tough in general for me.

I guess I'll do whatever I can. I mean it's great to be an understanding individual and solve people's problems especially your own. I think there's a sense of self-control that needs to be required. Along with that, there needs to be just bravery with opening yourself up and letting everything known about the situation. Also, there has to be a sense of confidence and self-assurance with assertiveness at the same time.

From doing this, I think it's not too hard to deal with stupid problems that people are doing. I guess ideally loving them and meaning well is probably better on the long run then just being angry and going crazy over somebody. I'm aware of all of this and while being in the moment, it's hard to keep in check with all these things sometimes. I guess that's the point of learning and going back.

I think with all the stops that people who are just being bad with me want to do, I think I can outsmart them now while just being entertaining about it with others who get bothered by that person. I have the ability to play my cards however I want to do and end up winning. It's not such a big deal after all.

Managing Time Better

I seriously need to manage my time a whole lot better and make better sense out of it. I'm losing so much precious time and hours from just sitting there and watching pointless YouTube clips to relax. I guess I feel something underneath me just pushing me while I'm doing activities that I feel are not so satisfying. Yet, it's really just based on this craving for reading things that I'm interested in and it's not doing much for me.

I think I really need to self-monitor myself better and just be aware of my weak state of mind. I have gone out of a terrible mental disease anyway. I'm fortunate and blessed and give credit to the Lord for bringing me out of it. I really should dig more into Scriptures and be patient with it to gain the knowledge I need to live in this world while feeling more guided. I think it's more than that though because I just can't rely so much on my feelings anymore and I just want to only for the sake of being satisfied with having fun.

I get this drive and want to finish stuff that are pointless after getting the craving. This is probably why I'm wasting so much time now that I think of it. I think I just need to be aware of it. I'm not really going to benefit from seeking a therapist or anything because all I'm really doing is just writing about my problems already anyway and from doing this, I'm gaining better awareness of how I am. I guess it's a good thing over all then. I just don't have affirmation from anyone knowledgeable and that is something I'm going to have to work for in obtaining so I'll be a lot more confident with the direction that I am heading.

Making Strides

I guess it's not the end of the world for me and it is really fun with a lot of things that's going on for me. I mean I'm hanging out with girls and actually pretty good friends with them! That's better than being a lonely dude out of the loop somewhere for me.

It's better to do something then not do anything at all. Despite me still feeling sleepy, I guess this is the part where I just need to keep trucking along and putting in the effort. I'm just not consistent because I guess I just feel like I don't have everything that I'm aware of. Yet, I have grown to be very appreciative of what I have here. I guess I'm praising God for it, but I don't have balance that I need.

Mainly One Thing

I guess I just need to utilize my time better and to be able to stay awake until it's time to go to sleep. That's pretty much the only difficult thing for me.  It's just managing my time and sleeping while being happy I guess instead of it being involuntary.

Catch Up

Well I'm just on here to say that I'm really bored now with the thought of getting off on porn. I would rather have a sexy wife who is into getting rather intimate if you know what I mean. Along with that it would be nice to be successful and have a lot of time on my times while staying healthy.

Besides just trying to waste my weekend really not doing much but feeding my cravings for winning at simple games, I think I could let go of that silly activity because of it just feels a little too much in excess for what I want to have going.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Uh Oh

Okay I haven't posted on here for awhile. Time for a little catch up. I'm just making a filler post here. Technically, I could just do this everyday but I'm finding that writing whatever is in my little head is practically funny and can be bad for people that I'm trying to bash if they decide to read it and figure it's directed right at them!

The good news is that I still like being friends. What I just heard on the radio is that everybody isn't perfect for each other because we are sinful people. It's just nice to be understanding about it and personally work at it.