Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Making Decision

Today, I ended up coming home really late. I bought a new stash of Magic the Gathering cards and ended up organizing them into another deck. I could seriously stop playing Magic the Gathering to focus on my other priorities but I did anyway. I'm going to visit my buddy right now to play some Magic with my new deck.

With the beautiful friend, I think I'm going to approach it with just being there as support now. I don't know but I don't want to be involved in some love triangle or sort of thing. Maybe she's just a really nice person and has some commitments that she wants to live up to because it makes her happy. I don't really know what they are at the moment. I just know that I'm unconditionally going to be her friend, and that's the only thing that pretty much matters to me.

I might as well just continue to have fun and offend a few folks with anger issues and figure out who they are because I would like to tell them how silly whatever the matter is and try to be friends with them. I like doing the hard and little stuff. It might not be so hard as I thought.

Okay with the girl, I'm going for someone more suited for me and will continue to work on myself. Again, I enjoy keeping myself busy with challenging and rewarding actions that I have to continuously keep up with.


Yesterday, I just read a chapter of the Bible and then played some Hearts and FreeCell and then played a couple piano songs. I then went online to try to figure out something top secret. I did work out yesterday too and do some stuff to my hair.

Trying to factor this in, I want to go to gym after I do a work out in the morning. I also want to try to do these growing taller exercises. Why not? I have nothing to lose. I would like to try to cook as well.

The only thing I went off course is with playing card games on the computer and watching a little bit of T.V. Maybe if I took those activities out and tried to focus on these activities that I want to do more then I should be okay.

Monday, September 26, 2016

What I Could Become

Maybe I'll be a lonely rich man traveling and then from being bored, I'll set off with volunteering as an aide to a physician. On top of that, maybe I could gather a good buddy or two to help me go fishing for some ladies to date. Man, I care about a beautiful female friend. I hope her dates go well with her current boyfriend and she finds happiness in the end. She's a lovely person in general and although I might envy her boyfriend's position, there's not much I can do about it because I unconditionally accept her as a friend. Oh well, that's life. Time to try to find someone else, I'm sure there's other possibilities but I want to work with what I got so far.

Trying to go for an upgrade then, how's about dating a more beautiful and better compatible girl for me than this current beautiful friend. It's in the eye of the beholder, and for me I just can't go for picking up a girl at a bar. I need some time to clue in on the pieces of the puzzle. Maybe she'll find someone to be engaged to and can't wait on me that long by the time, I figure she's good for me. Oh well, that's how it's going to go then.

Definitely though, that beautiful girl I'm friends with is going to be tough for me to find someone better! It's turning out to be that way so far. What a challenge, man. Assuming I do find her, then yeah I'm definitely going to be head over heels happy for life! Settling for the best I could get, if conditions were ideal then yes, I'd still be pretty happy to the point that I'd be satisfied. It would be enough actually at this point and that's how good this friend means to me.

What I Did

I practically read a chapter of the Bible today. In summary, what I read says that Jesus is coming back. Really simple huh? A little more complicated is about the current state of affairs with Israel. Currently, that nation doesn't collectively believe in Jesus as her Messiah. They do believe in the Father just as Abraham and Moses introduced. I am in agreement with the belief that Israel will someday bow down to worship Jesus as her Lord and Savior. I don't know how close away that is for me.

With the rate that I'm going at in finding someone right to settle down with, maybe Jesus will come back by the time I finally get engaged to her. Oh boy.

I'm probably the only one that finds this post funny. I have been developing a personal sense of humor to keep my hopes alive and feed a healthy self-confidence. I guess now I have a sad inner countenance from not really having anyone to settle down with, so that sort of stinks. I don't even know how to go about it in finding her and actually making it happen.

Maybe I'm just meant to play the role of a brother to good female friends. Oh well. I'm laughing about that thought too. I don't really know, but it looks like one of my current female friends is making me look good from just hanging out with her. I think I'll just stick to doing that much as possible for now until she gets married and is too busy from having kids or something. I'm just going to hang in there and try to strive while feeling little sad to find more company and someone to have a little hope with settling down.

At least a lot of these personal issues that has been bugging is being peacefully confronted within me. I guess that's what I'm enjoying from having friendship with a beautiful girl. I'm going to try find one who is more available to actually date. Maybe my beautiful friend likes me, but it seems like it's not going to go anywhere. I guess we can just settle for trying to be great friends with each other and to commonly hang out. I want to stay pure in heart about this because in these matters, I would like to choose my outward actions to be a reflection of my trust in Jesus, no matter how laughable that may seem to others in this world. I can't really express enough how much joy I found in getting to know about Jesus over all these years.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Figuring Things Out

Not in any specific order these are my current tasks. So my goal now is to be this cool and rich Christian man with a family to raise someday. I hope the wife will stay cool and maybe pretty to me.

Reading Bible with devotion, working out and using all of those dietary supplements, cooking healthy meals, going to gym, indoor rock climbing, bowling, trading, secret stuff, taking care of my bald hair, singing, dancing, playing the guitar, and a little bit of piano.

I want to master those activities before I add in any more stuff. I have trouble accomplishing a few of things except maybe working out on a daily basis and trading and maybe taking care of my bald hair. Still that's only like half of the list accomplished on a daily basis which isn't that bad. I'll see if I can do better time management to add all of that stuff in to my routine. I might of course throw some things out that I end up not liking, but it looks like I have those products with my own paid money so I might as reuse them!

Holding Self to Standard

There are a few posts on here where I go off into the crazy! Obviously, I'm being very subtle about it and my emotions are playing a huge role because I'm letting off some steam while trying to sound in the most civilized manner. Basically, I'm trying to occasionally say that I'm going to mess with someone so hard that the person will walk crooked after I'm finished with him or her.

Yet, it's sheepish but I always feel like I did my best. From that perspective of people having anger issues, it finally dawned on me that I could use that knowledge to persuade others who I've struggled with to not complain any more with me!

It's funny that I'm starting to come into better realizations and actually making some cute female friends legitimately laugh. Having a sense of humor is great along with working out on a regular basis. I feel very confident with myself and don't care about being so short anymore. I walk around and can feel awkward to be around a tall people's world in the richest nation, but I'm just not really putting much thought into it anymore.

There are plenty of taller women who don't work out that walk past me and act very assertive. It looks like they aren't scorning me at all. The girls who have been more level and face to face with me; yeah, I favor myself to interact with them a whole lot more than anybody and it seems to show that some of them have shown me pretty good open respect and a go ahead for being hang out buddies.

So this whole getting myself a girlfriend with someone I'm actually interested in, is such a mystery for me. I don't really know how to yet. Maybe would be easier if the girl just said let's go for it, but what are the chances of that really happening anyway? An attractive girl who I wasn't fond of that much because she talked about how sick and unhealthy she was while messing around with me, wanted to get in a relationship with me. She acted pretty crazy, and I told her that I like someone else, so she was like "Awwww" underneath and blushed and just dropped it from there.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Time to Refocus

When I think about it, it's really about focusing on who I want to be at the moment. Who is this person that I want to focus on being? I guess I do really want to be an evangelical Christian. I don't really have a gift for it, but deep down inside I'm looking for opportunities and an open door.

That's probably my main goal for aspiring to spread the gospel about Jesus. I don't have much of a testimony except that I came to be happy from accepting Christ at a young age. I walked a very faulty road and very carnal much like other Christians do as well. I was pretty much doing things in the flesh. 

I'm just made more aware of it I guess because of the Holy Spirit working in me. I think it's been always tugging in my heart. I will continue to repent and struggle and go back and forth until I hopefully someday get it. I'm making the effort to have a relationship because I already know that God has done it all for me. 

I do really want to also be an actively engaged person in physical activities and to do crazy stuff. I'd like to put to work a lot of things that I bought for once like a guitar and some of the those meaningless singing and dancing games on the Xbox! 

I also do want to be a trader and get involved with video game making somehow. I'd also like to be pretty knowledgable as well with helping people from a medical perspective. Well, I'd like to try it out besides just making a business out of it. 

I also have this crazy feeling about doing cool stuff with gadgets and technology like hacking stuff and building microchips. I just want to be this guy that does a lot of cool things, without really worrying about pleasing anybody and having fun at the same time while having lots of time to myself. 

So in a nutshell, I want to be a cool and rich Christian guy who is married and raising a wonderful family with great wife too someday.  

Growing Stronger Mentally

I finally understand that the people in my past I had trouble with were actually dealing with anger issues of their own. Who really doesn't have anger issues? I think the most common ones would be being angry over someone having wronged you and dwelling on it from the past. Another would also be from someone acting very inappropriately from the circumstance which just irritates you.

These are pretty much common anger issues that I think everyone has somewhat of a difficulty dealing with. 

Organizing Positive Thoughts

It's going to be really hard for me to stay motivated consistently and to keep the same routine going for me. It's the best I can do I guess. I'm just going to have to keep a running list to myself of what I plan to do and try to prioritize with the most important activities and try to exhaust my whole list as best as possible.

I might just do a little bit of a variety of activities just to get it going. Well, having friends is nice and doing stuff to just socialize even if I don't say much is cool. It's just being around cool company and I guess that's what a get-together is about with birthdays.

What I'd Like To Do

I think my main source of income that I want to work out is really being a trader of stocks and currencies. I want to make a living out of it. I would like to work out of my computer and be wherever in the world enjoying myself and the family I become blessed to raise.

With the extra time, I'll probably try to get certified as a physician assistant and then go off trying to help out in some country for Christians or some nice volunteer organization to just help out. I'd like to try it out at least once, especially since I have an interest in doing something like this.

I'm pretty much a sucker for video games, so with some extra time as well, I'd like to do some work in putting together a video game. If I don't have the pressure of having to worry about my living expenses, then it would be nice to just mess around in this field of video game making.

Definitely, getting married someday or having a girlfriend at least, I see it happening in the near future. I don't really know who I'm going to be be trying to win the affections off of, but there's really not much I can do about it. I will be sticking around with good friendships at least.

Scheduling What To Do

I'm planning on mainly studying the Bible a little bit, working out mainly with the gym and this group I go to regularly, cooking healthy food, playing those dance and singing games on my Xbox, and learning to play a little guitar, play a little piano, do some indoor rock climbing, and some bowling. Along with that I plan on also add in possibly Tai Chi and doing growing taller exercises and also trading.

This is the list that I have going for me at the moment. The trick now is to figure out how to put it all together for me. 

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Creating Positive Motivations

I think being self-motivated and keeping the self up and about doing something the person has set out to do is very important. I guess simple thoughts like maybe I should go out to find more close friends to keep myself from going lonely is seriously a great thought.

I think it's important to have great goals and never give up on them, no matter how hard the circumstance. It's really the determination that one finds that I think really helps shape the person go in a direction where he or she desires.

When I'm just not feeling and a bit out of funk, I end up just playing those simple computer games.

Monday, September 19, 2016

Remembering To Stay Committed

What I think I need is a reminder and also something like a mascot to help keep my dreams and hopes alive. I would like something to keep it very fun and entertaining and keep myself engaged. Obviously, everybody wants this with whatever they are doing.

I'd say that going after a one person business that appeals to you and gives you an edge is probably the best ideal approach. Maybe some businesses really do require more people in order to expand and create more profit. I myself would rather work by myself, but then again everybody is different. The feel of being able to run your own business might create this excitement and not really doing anything out of it is definitely a mistake.

Making Choices

I think finding enjoyment with anything may really just come down to being committed with something. I was committed to passing some of my video games from several years back. I chose to be an introvert, even though I am really preferably an extrovert. I think it really came from my fondness of video games and the feeling of a reward that comes from mastering a certain thing to obtain an achievement.

It now feels silly for me to get so hyped up into a video game, unless the stakes were higher like going pro. Being a professional just doesn't seem like a lucrative career for me enough. There are too many good gamers out there who seek the same thing. I would rather just do something that's easier on me and would bring me the most cash and is something I also learned to enjoy.

I found it through trading, which is by nature very risky and can pose a lot of headaches if one does not know what he is doing. I would rather be so up the curve and within the top percentile of other competitors and just be continually diversifying it to the point that I would just become rich off of it and stay humble in how I manage my money. I don't care about grabbing it all; moreorless, it's about creating a living situation where I could be free to do other things.

Mastering Anything

The way that I see it with mastering anything really just comes down to time. If you get sick and tired of something, then it looks like you are in for a pile of trouble coming your way. What I pity in others is how it seems like some of the best workers really feel like they have no choice but to stick to a certain job. It's like that is all they know for making a living.

I myself don't like feeling tied down in that manner. I would rather continuously love my job instead of having aspects where I really just hate it.

Going for Top of Class

I think the thought process really comes down to just intrinsically trying hard and mastering all of the requirements when it comes down to getting a Master's. Everybody has a different way, but by strategizing and making proposals and trying to think outside the box a little. It's really cool actually to add something in and might be pretty refreshing to just try hard.

The hardest part of getting a Master's may really be the final one, which is putting everything together. That is something which makes me feel a little antsy.  It's true though that an adviser does exist for getting one. I wonder how it would really work and if I could seriously develop a good working relationship with him/her.

Simple Commitment

It really comes down to just committing to good things in life. Sometimes the feeling just isn't there, which is hard for me to task myself into something I think I would like. This is for anything and it feels like I'm losing my interest. If I do let myself starve though of that personal attention, I do gain this strong desire and then if things go really well, I'm going to have myself an obsession.

The usual stuff from formerly being a kid like video games and not wanting to go to school and just chilling at home while resting and not doing it, it gets really tempting to live that lifestyle. However, already I can feel that it's going to be a depressing life for me. I can't do that for a long period. I feel like I have more to offer the world.

Therefore, all of this stuff of keeping myself going from the initial point, it has to be about making a deliberate commitment for me.

Back to Time Management

I think the most important thing about time management is pretty much understanding that it's a commitment. A lot of my female friends appear to be really good at it, but I guess it's just their preferences that it makes it seem like they are in a more supportive role.

Perhaps for most women, I can't really say what would make them so happy. The Bible says that a virtuous woman will help create a happy home for her husband and kids. If a woman is seriously in the Lord, just like any other, that person is going to have this inner joy from fellowshipping with Jesus. From being obedient to God's Word and truly meaning it from the bottom of our hearts, it's seriously a difficult path to keep up with, but I know that there's a type of victory that takes place within the flesh.

I'm going to have to just be diligent and understanding person I guess and just trust that the Lord will provide for my needs. I should be about walking with the Lord while having clean hands and pure heart. It's like enduring a long race, which is how Paul describes it in chasing after God's heart.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Starting To Schedule Better Things

It looks like I'm actually a pretty busy camper. I think I need to trade in some of my time consuming activities for something more interesting and possibly challenging so I could a more awesome mental workout.

My brain is starting to flame up and get more interested in the good things in life. I'm feeling less tired and more active with doing things. I guess I'm trying to just function as more of a decent person now.

I've been posting on Facebook more than ever and I haven't lost any more friends on there. It seems like I have a decent presence on there even to the outsiders. It's probably like I come across as a private person or something and that I might have something valuable to contribute, so they don't really remove me as a friend.

Actually, that's how I would like to think but finding out later, it's probably because the person deactivated his or her account. A few times I wondered why a person let me go as a friend. I ended up messaging that person and trying to let off steam in a nice manner than made me laugh. After sending that message, and honestly if one would read it, there's really nothing criminal-like or crazy in it, the person just goes through a hard time and develops some anger issues with me.

I guess it's the approach I took and the person just must have been going through something crazy or thought that about me and just got really scared while knowing that I'm pretty nice. I think the person just feels attacked and not responsible for whatever took place while being angry and paranoid. I basically just put the person on the spot and is vulnerable at that moment and is about to blow up, which agitates other people around me. Those people end up trying to prevent me from agitating them. It sets off this chain reaction.

I've been around it for awhile now and thanks to having an awesome friend that I won't ever snap at even if I'm mad at her, I've had time to clear my head of stupid thoughts and to now go after thinking on solving those issues or even prevent them on the spot.

Gaining Grounds

I think I did have a lot of good friends, but I'm not responding with great hospitality. I think it's from my introverted and crazy weird behavior from my background that I've sort of not been very nice about it. Well one of my friends who I also like as well, but she's been engaged for like the longest time, is crazy nice! I like that she's really in tune with being nice to her friends and so cool with hitting the like button on my Facebook posts.

One of the things I've had trouble setting down with is background. I've had like a 5 year old younger girl express interest in me a few times. I was like no way in my head- too young. I based it off of my previous experience with dating a girl someone my own age. Basically, I was dating a girl who was already in a relationship with some other guy that she wanted to move on from. I felt she was a no-no girl to mess around with. Anyhow, it was just plain weird.

I like her as a friend though and she was nice. She was crazy and funny person. She didn't like how her life was going and she told a lot of crazy jokes that rattled me up a little. Maybe I would have snapped as an old man with her and done something worse to her. I even tried chasing after her a bit when things were too late after she decided to fall in love with another man.

I can't believe I actually had a dating life and I was like so inattentive about it.