Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Curiosity In The Wrong Places

I really need to stop being crazy and driven by my own emotions. Some people say that others need an attitude adjustment; I'm going with needing a belief adjustment. I'm going to have to do the best I can, while knowing that I'm not fully capable of functioning correctly sometimes. Anyhow, the whole limiting my facial expression thing and blocking out my personal feelings so I can concentrate on working actually was really helpful for me.

The basics is that I'm going to try my best to make myself not sin, but this doesn't mean I'm doing something in accordance with another person's beliefs. I'm going to just have to suck it up now and deal with the frustrating and painful emotions of my own conflicted self and just push to work a lot harder in areas that I want to be good at. Actually, I really want to be great at socializing and having decent people skills; that's where I'm leaning towards. I realize that my anger issues are really habitual and don't get all sporadic; I'm actually aware of those angry feelings now and I'm dealing with it by choice of just communicating and apologizing for being a harassing dork to the person. I don't want to become like a drill instructor and start yelling and then chewing out the person- it's just not my style, but I'm still crazy when the other person does that to me from having emotional problems they can't set aside.

Let's Keep This Simple

Basically, I'm going to wake up and then work out in the cold. Yeah, that should be good! Next thing, I'm going to wash up and then read the Bible and do some of that devotion with God stuff. Thirdly, I'm going to focus on my trades. Afterwards, I'm just going to do whatever I feel like doing without trying to sin! I think that would be a good way to.

I want to grow in my knowledge and walk with God and be in His favor. Also, I want to trade currency by working for only like thirty minutes and call that a day and then just do wherever I'm going without sinning. Of course, I want to be really healthy and strong and have this cool body that is just capable of doing awesome stuff. It would just be cool to participate in the vibe like some individuals have pioneered. Basically, I'm starting to grow out of my own personal dullness and laziness now.

Understanding Emotions

I'm starting to understand that certain people I have known just have some problems with their emotions, which causes them to not become social with me. It really ticks me off that they can't resolve those anxious and angry feelings and leave it behind them. Oh well, not all people make themselves out to live equal lives and some just have been given more freedom from how they have conducted themselves in the past.

When I get really mad, I get even more worse and such an annoying pest to the other person, who just sees me in a bad way. That's how I really see it; they are feeling bothered because they see things so negatively. I'm not vividly making any threatening remarks with them and actually trying to socialize with them, but it looks like something happened which caused them to become emotional distressed with people.

The way I look at resolving my anger is to just to communicate with others however I want. I'm pretty much a loose cannon and being very apologetic about it as well because I know I'm harassing the person from communicating about my anger issues with the person who came under my radar. Oh well, I'm asking them to just stay away from me and make it so that no one can really contact them, if they can't stand me because I'll be taking advantage of that. I've even stated to put a restraining order on me, if they want to, just that I'll be super mad and be making fun of them in front of the judge.

Top Three

Okay, I'm going to just stick to the top three things that I want to do each day and if I'm not satisfied with that then I'll start adding on more things then. I'm a pretty unique son of a gun because I can get myself into places eventually that others probably won't ever do. It's all for the bettering of myself, too.

The main thing that I want is to be able to make a grip load amount of money in a convenient fashion. I guess that's why trading currency is the name of the game that I have chosen. The other two things that I want to focus on is getting right with God on a daily basis through studying His balanced Word and applying it; the last thing I want to do is just focus on my health and getting better at it. That's pretty much the three main things I want to do. I would also like to try getting into the I.T. field still, learning another language, becoming a physician assistant, and a bunch of other things. While I'm still young and single, I see myself as very able to accomplish these goals in a confident manner.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Hardest Thing In My Life Right Now

I give an effort and there's some minor build up that usually occurs in life and then it causes me to go outright sinning because of the negative influence it gives me. This is the hardest part of me to learn self-control with. I've actually become a lot more comfortable with myself in socializing and from not being actually careful about what I'm communicating, I've had so many scuffles that I would like to not go back to now. In reality, I'm only focusing on one of them at a time and only the main ones that I truly desire to resolve.

I am totally convicted most of the time with how God's ways are true and the mighty way to go. Sometimes, I worry about my image turning a little bad because it might not seem to make any sense. I think I just need to pray more and try to make an effort to understand God's full counsel from the Bible more, in order to get a better perspective with some things I'm attempting to get better with.

Repressing Emotions and then Concentrating

My mom tells me to not show my inner emotions with anyone from being a guy. I actually understand that I focus a whole lot better when I repress my emotions. I really enjoy trying to repress funny stuff out of my system and then just focusing at my work. In fact, I try to think of funny stuff all the time to entertain myself.

There was this slightly weird but decently looking girl I hung out with at Disneyland. Man, that day was so boring, but yeah, she was the one who ended up deleting me as a friend on Facebook. I think I made her mad because she was having trouble dealing with something that was making her feel uncomfortable and sort of was directed at me. I basically wrote some weird comments to her, which I really wouldn't even try going there with a girl I truly liked. I think it made her feel a little under-appreciated, and I did communicate how we were both not really linked well together. I think she also might have felt a negative influence from some outside force that I can't control, too while factoring in all of this. So probably, she decided to take the added step and move on to do her thing with guys who would really appeal to her and to just drop me from her personal life.

It's kind of messed up what she did, and I'm really mad at myself for noticing this. I didn't do anything wrong to her really. I guess with the next group of girls I meet, I'm going to try my best to treat them right and be a little more sensitive with my actions. I basically can't force someone to not be bothered by me after they did something negative to me. It's just not common sense. It's also unlawful and looked down upon to harass someone in any way, shape, or form. I'm noticing this, so I'm basically just apologizing the whole time for my bad actions. I'm pretty much noticing all this now and just apologizing for being very angry at them and just informing them that I deal with these anger issues by just communicating with them. I'm really trying to not start scolding them while being irate because it makes me feel really bad, afterwards. I would like to really resolve a lot of this personal anger with myself and just have all the proper motives to get to where I need to be.

Focusing Better

I realize that I have a weakness where I start laughing about stuff or getting mad. When I'm mad, I don't really show it so I suppose I would concentrate better at that moment. When I'm laughing while thinking about funny stuff, that makes me really not focus too well.

I'm going to try to suck it up this time and just keep working at it. One of the crazy things is that, it seems like I've actually become a lot better at playing poker with my bluffing strategies and also I might be seeing a little success with my trading ideology as well.

One of the things I truly hate is when a person who was a Facebook friend ends up deleting me as a friend. It just makes me mad because why would the person have accepted me as a friend in the first place, and also isn't being a friend all about trying to support one another no matter what you are going through? I don't really get some people sometimes, and I'm really bugging the heck out of those people. I'm really sorry for continually just bothering them, and I'm starting to let them know that now. My aim is to deal with my anger and frustration by just communicating with them. If they can't stand me, then I'm asking them to just block my account and set-up their account where no one outside their inner-circle can really contact them so I'll be forced to move on. Anyway, I'm accepting my faults that I perceived with the people; it's just a feeling that I have and of course, they are not really going to state what drove them a little crazy very directly with me because they probably repressed it out of their system and moved on to be mad at other stuff in the world.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Relating To Changes

Today, I just woke up and went back to sleep and then finished reading up something on my iPhone. I was drawn to the story line of a T.V. horror show; it's actually pretty good and was just reading up on the summary instead of watching the whole series! I'm finding that I don't really need to watch a movie, if I just read the plot on Wikipedia or something. It also saves me a lot of time; quite possibly a whole lot of hours and from also possible boredom if I lose interest to the show. Actually, there are a few Japanese animated shows that I became really drawn to and their story lines were so good that I still had to watch them.

I think I'm going to try to let go of that side because I really need to start putting my time into doing Bible studies, working out, and at least getting another basic certification in the I.T. field and trying to look for a job. I have something nice going with my current job, which is my family business though. My dad is the president of the company, and he's given me a phenomenal opportunity to learn to take over if I really desire it. However, I don't feel like it's really for me; I don't even think I'm talented enough in this field to survive and lead a growing company in a very demanding field of fierce competitors.

Other than reminiscing over those things, I ended up placing a few more demo trades on my Forex software. It's become quite interesting in backtracking the trades I was very successful with and trying to figure out what I could rinse and repeat. I also need to get back to brushing my teeth again regularly and setting up a manageable routine that won't make me second guess myself and go off in a mindless direction of seeing what's on television. I used to think watching lots of T.V. was good while growing up to learn about morals, but now I know that it's limited and sucks the fun out of you sometimes by making you into a lazy, unmotivated, and unfit loaf.

Excitement of the Unknown

I actually recall a dumb dude, who said he was my friend at a church, explain to me how he was afraid of me and feeling anxious because he didn't know what I was up to. I now know that he was just being crazy because whatever he was feeling bothered by with that crazy head of his, it didn't have anything to deal with him. I should have just pointed my finger at him and laughed in that manner, but more nicer and give him a pep talk to help him move on from his stupid anxiety attacks whenever he saw my small, physical frame. I was just sensitive and entirely ticked off because I was trying to place my shoes in his place, and he wasn't making any sense. I really felt like tackling him on the ground whenever I saw him, but I controlled my temper with him.

Now I'm starting to see that quite possibly my stupid and arrogant attempts at trying to understand something that fascinates me could really be from being impatient about figuring out what lies ahead in the future and feeling very bleak about the results. It's like I have to tackle the little issue now so it wouldn't become a problem later on. I think in a way it's good to think like this, but sometimes, it could be for perverted intention which might not add up so well as being normal.

Where I'm going at is that if I haven't really been met with the situation head on, then maybe it's not something I need to worry about now especially if there aren't little clues in place that are leading up to it. I might as well wait until the little things just start flowing and establish itself into something that could be that big picture I've been looking for all along. There's really no need to have a cow or break a sweat for something that's just so far out of reach and resolve my own personal feelings of regret, fear, sadness, and negativity through riding out my adversity by upholding courage, confidence, and strong values of diligence; whether, it's imagined or not!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

How I Could Improve

I'm going to start using this blog to just log in what I did, what I'm feeling, and what I could do to improve myself. Just for the sake of personal security reasons, the way I am sometimes can't be fully explained even if it's going to annoy some people from thinking I'm just too mysterious or something. It's pretty much an inside thing that I'm only going to know myself. Obviously, my close family and friends know almost everything about me; it's just that I don't want to make myself like an open book anybody could sift through and then take advantage with me.

Since there's a balance, I feel comfortable blogging about a few personal things I should make myself better at. For today, I believe that I want to simplify my tasks even more now. I want to do Bible study, practice or start trading currency, exercise and stretch with eating proper nutrition, and then study for my I.T. career. This is pretty much how I want to spend my own personal time, if I'm not busy trying to meet up with some people and go dating lovely women.

However, I find myself obviously watching T.V. and lying around, blogging on this site, surfing the web for whatever is curiously driving me much to the chagrin of feeling stupid sometimes and then playing video games on my mobile device! I really need to limit my time a little better and manage it a whole lot better. I guess I'm not going to have time to work out today because I'm so caught up with trying to plan and manage my personal life right now. I'm going to just wash up and then go to Costco to buy some energy drinks so I could stay up and not go to sleep at work!

Basically, I'm going to have to use my time to specialize on areas that I desire the most and hopefully, after mastering them I will able to tackle newer and substantial pursuits for the sake of bettering myself. Ideally, I'm going to just start out with managing about five hours of personal time. If I can learn to sacrifice my sleeping time later on, then I'll be able to put in more time but I still haven't learned to do it properly all this time. I don't really have time to bother myself with the little stuff anymore; I need to focus on achieving the big stuff before I even put in the time for the little things now. I'm going to just have to suffer with the little things badgering me; no wonder why I don't prefer to be a detail-oriented guy because a lot of details about people stress me out!

How I Spent My Day

I spent my day playing the piano, relaxing, playing poker on my iPhone, and learning to trade. What I could really sure use right now is more to time to go work out and cook some good food! I feel like playing the piano is cool and pretty fun, but it sort of feels dry for me to practice the same song over and over again. I think I need to mix it up a little more by playing other interesting and challenging songs. Maybe I should take a little time sometimes instead of playing the same songs I'm working on to listen to things that are pleasing to my ear and then try to obtain the piece if possible and just play it on my piano!

What I really lacked today was putting the time into studying the Bible. I ended up getting carried away with playing Hold'em because I just had this dumb idea at the time to get really good at it, I'm going to have to just keep playing. I think it's okay, if I only have nothing to do and so much down time after having made an effort to get other things done and from being fully satisfied with everything else in my life.

I'm already trying to think like an old man basically, even though my life is pretty disappointing as it is! I'm so happy and bubbly inside and feeling super optimistic as well. Pretty weird, oh well! I purchased the Focus T25 exercise program and am waiting for its arrival. I'm going to try to follow it very diligently on a daily basis and focus the most on getting the right nutrition my body should intake with also some incentives taken for pleasing my taste buds!

What I discovered today on my trading methodology is that if a few things add up together, then there is a higher probability for the market to follow that direction. This is good for me because I am a lazy trader and don't want to constantly look at my computer screen to trade currency and make money for a living. It's the best thing I have going for myself actually because I find that mastering this thing will be the most rewarding thing for me, so I actually have taken measures to put the most emphasis into it. I have also signed up for a Forex club which offers free advice for the members and so I'm going to start attending that meeting to see who they are and how successful they are with their trades. They also teach my style of being a lazy trader, so I'll see if they are any good to me.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Feeling Little Uncomfortable

Oh man, that's such an adorable photo I found on Google images. I get the whole cat and dog thing not liking each other and then to do something like that, it might end up with the dog getting really angry and chasing after the cat!

I think my brain just needs to be set in motion a lot. I just need to put my thoughts into action more and just lay aside my own personal emotions. I shouldn't let my own feelings justify how I run my life. It should be about my commitment to what I desire for some certain outcome. Yeah, I get it now. I'm going to work out right now a little by doing a run right now. Actually, now I understand why I feel the discomfort. It's because I don't want to let go of this blog from having not been on it for awhile. I want to catch up with it and from just feeling some bond to it.

I need to do then focus on some friendship issues afterwards and then get into studying for my I.T. certifications. Afterwards, I'm going to try to learn a little language. This is all designed towards making the most amount of monetary profit I can get my hands on.  

I think I need to place a value system, so I'm going try that. Basically, I don't feel like my Bible studies really matter that much as supposed to studying for my computer job, but even so, I should still make it a priority for myself because I just want to do so. I might as well end up days with a morning Bible study, work out, study for my successful career, and then mess around with my currency trading business. I have about $5000 invested in my business, which is no joke and if it takes off then some of those crazy people are going to have a lot to worry about me then. I'm not giving it up and I'm praying hard to become successful in my position; my will is going to stay strong and courageous and an unyielding son of a gun!

Other Resources I'm Using

I'm also going through the devotional books called Spurgeon's Daily Treasures in the Psalms and Stories of Faith and Courage from the Korean War. It's pretty cool, along with using a Hollywood audio version of the New King James Bible. I just follow along on my iPhone or Bible and just read it while the actors are reading the Bible verses. It's actually pretty entertaining even though the voices feel a little redundant sometimes, but some of the actor's voices really put some emotional emphasis onto the verses, so it feels like the verses are coming alive a little and in a way, it's good because it helps me retain the proper information I want to get out of it.

I'm using a MP3 formatted device called the GoBible with the version called The Word of Promise. These have been some very helpful resources for growing in my knowledge and understanding of what the Bible is truly about, and how it can apply to my daily life.

What I Currently Have Going

I'm going to share a little of my resources that I'm currently looking at. Then, maybe I'll decide to look at them now. My mind is just trying to naturally blow off a lot of time; it just has this Three Stooges syndrome where I just want to sit there like an old man and just do nothing while reminiscing about my disappointing life while being very jolly inside. Yeah, it's pretty weird with how my brain likes to function.

I've signed up at this website called and they have two prominent pastors for their daily devotionals: Spurgeon and Ryle. I've never heard of Ryle until I collaborated a little with a visiting pastor from Europe. I haven't really kept up with it on a daily basis, but I make strides to try to read it daily. It also comes with a schedule of what chapters of the Bible to read in a systematic fashion for completing it in a whole year. I'm trying to make a lot of time to read this portion because I've been noticing how it really helps me a lot when I actually concentrate on this little area of my life.

It actually gives me more perception of how to live my life. It also makes me feel incredibly stupid for sinning by going after my lusts of wanting to do whatever and naturally feeling some highs in my brain chemistry without doing drugs or alcohol. Yeah, I'm having a hard time in this area, but I'm going to try to dedicate myself more to leave this area out of my life and to go after things that just make sense and will make me successful.

I think I just need to push myself more whenever I find that little noggin of mine working and reminding me what I have to get done throughout the day.  

What I'm Going To Try To Focus On

Basically, for today, I spent most of the time recharging my body via sleeping in. When I awoke, I ended up just loafing around a little on my computer and then played the piano for some time. I actually wrote a song for the piano and title it, "A Song For Crazy Betty." It's loosely based off of my life experiences and is supposed to be a song about being unconditionally in love and then moving on to do the next, great thing because I'm too good for the girl and she's not into me anymore.

I played it for a few buddies, and they seemed to give me back feedback with a positive body language, including my stupid, little sister. Anyhow, I also play and sing a few other professional songs too with my own editing that went into it. I actually use the octave to give it a little more original sound, instead of the same monotonous rhythm which my mom likes to complain about. My mom hasn't complained to me ever since I did that to my music. She has that look of enamored expression on her face when she comes to talk to me about something while I'm playing the piano these days.

Falling Asleep

I'm becoming extremely tired right now at work after midnight. At around 1 am, my body is just ready to shut off and I can hardly stay awake. It's when I drive back home at around 3 am that I become in a very dangerous position. Last night, I just excited off a street that led me to a hotel parking lot and just dozed off there before waking up again and heading back home.

One of the bad things I've acquired is that I can sleep while standing still. My head is a little nodded off at an angle, but my body is just stabilized in place. I try my best to stay awake, but I think the technique I learned is that I need to alert my mind constantly with the environment that I'm currently interacting with. My mind will play tricks with me where I'm thinking about something realistically, but in actuality I've fallen asleep. I manage to realize this after a few seconds have passed on average, but it's hard for me to not go into sleep mode.

I really need to do something to fix it.

Few Things To Keep In Mind

I managed to get some things off my to-do list yesterday, and I figured that I should go after the most valuable things that would be the best rewarding. Basically, I'm trying to spend my time away with focusing on charity work which is good but I think it would be better to set a foundation where I'm actually making a decent income first. Money doesn't seem to corrupt me because I actually like spoiling my buddies by buying them stuff, unless they get on my nerves after awhile. I'm also into the whole giving money thing to help others be a blessing to others; I'm sort of a giver by nature because I know how hard it is to suffer with having no money.

For myself, I think when I suffer, my best foot seems to come forward eventually. Those events only make me want to improve and become an even better equipped and approachable person. Obviously, I'll try to make myself into a more wiser person, too.

For now, I'm going to take my goal of becoming a physician assistant off the list for now. The main reason is that it's going to require some money. I think the money that I want to obtain would actually come from doing information technology work, which I have a 4-year degree on. I'm going to focus on those free, online certs I managed to get access to and study stupendously and then work towards a career in that field. While I do that, I'm going to also increase my personal fitness level.

On the side, I am an aspiring currency trader who is learning to specialize in the Forex and Binary Options market. Definitely, I'm going to be worrying some ladies who were just acting crazy with me soon. What I want to add in just for laughs is to research and try to make myself grow taller; I actually don't buy into what people say about genetics being the main factor- I simply don't care and will block it all out. I'm not going to cheat by getting surgery either- I don't think it's worth the pain and suffering to have some foreign object stuck into you for the rest of your life, especially when my body is functioning normally already.

Lastly, I need to keep up with my Bible studies.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Facing Storms And Winters, Figuratively Speaking

I think I might have some issue with being a very habitual person, once I end up committing to something. It's like my brain will transmit these hormones and make me feel elevated or something. I want to seriously wise up now and do the right things to get to where I need to go. There are a few bad habits that I have: I feel like the time that I put into something regardless of how I feel, it's pretty much the same thing. To make things worthwhile, it would actually make sense to put my time into something productive and balance out my feelings a little by doing enjoyable stuff later. 

I think being on top of things is something that I want to go smooth sailing with and then put it to the test with some strong currents found in life. I want to keep my balance and not wander off so far from base, which would be my ideal life. Maybe, there's seriously something for me to go after. 

I think I should seriously live my life in a way where I would do some awesome things that would bring me some satisfaction and life. This is definitely something I believe to be found in the Bible. Yet, the Bible points that believers should work hard to position themselves in life where they would receive more than just an abundance and to be a blessing to others. Actually, the crazy people I dealt were no blessing to me; even though they said to do such and such with no promises attached to the end result; yeah, like that's really going to motivate anyone in general to do something. The normal response should have been laughing at the time, but I took upon it very sensitively. I'm now laughing about the situation of course, and I'm really scared just a tad now with what they might try to do to me. If I have everything going well for me, then I might as well go after something so little and minor to my life. For now, I want to focus on building the key components that would develop my foundation for living a good life. 

Working With Downtime

I'm finding myself just loafing around and goofing off right now. This is something that I should put an end to now. It reminds me really fast that I should be going after some things right now. I'm going to make some phone calls to get some of my choirs down. I realize that a simple goal to obtain just requires a simple phone call to get it done and then I can cross it off my list for the whole day.

It's pretty interesting how flexible I'm becoming, but yet the only problem I really have is just inspiration and dedication to stay consistent with something. It feels very uncomfortable for me, but I think overall, it's actually a very good thing. Yeah, I guess some people just have really weird issues and are crazy in general, so they'll just do stuff that will irritate you really badly. In the end though, I think they look really bad as a person if others get around to knowing it. What comes around, goes around! I'm actually not really seen in a bad light and even though people might enforce bad things with me, which is actually normal to experience, there's really something you can do about it in time. A pretty, independent girl on Facebook told me that it's really about communicating. I think from her giving me that sound and relaxed advice, it got me actually interested in wanting to know her; in fact, I think she might actually be my type.

Goals To Gain

I'm going to try to do Bible study everyday on my own and then tune in to a Bible teaching radio station to listen to God's Word. I'm now actually revealing that I prefer to be a dedicated Christian more than any other religion, but that's just me. The Bible says in Matthew 5 that "Blessed are the peacemakers." Basically, this says to me that we need to get along with each other even if we have unsound differences and to exercise love with each other. The Bible also categorizes different types of love, which is interesting. For example, Jesus asked Peter if he loved him; in its origin, the New Testament came from the Greeks. The Greeks express their feelings really well, so love can mean three different things. They have different words for it, but unfortunately for the English language there isn't such. Even the Japanese don't have a word that translates to love. Basically, I'm referring to brotherly love or what's commonly related to Philadelphia in the American language, which means the city of love!  

To summarize, the three basic forms of love is eros, phileo, and agape love. Eros is like love you experience if you were figuratively speaking, shot by an arrow from Cupid. Phileo is pretty much love you experience towards your close family and friends. Lastly, agape love is unconditional love meaning you could do anything to the other person and that person will still love you. I guess in the form of being a master for example, if the master treats his dog like trash, the pet is still going to love its master no matter what and always be in a good mood when it sees him. Here's the crazy part, supposedly God is the master, but according to the Bible, when God sent his Son Jesus Christ, nearly everyone treated Jesus like trash and sent him to die the most painful way ever recorded in history which is crucifixion. However, Jesus still maintained his love for the world and opened up a pathway to salvation which is a very remarkable account!

What I'm Going To Avoid

I'm going to pretty much stop searching after material that is actually pointless, but dragging me to waste my time away anyway. This really comes down to a personal value system I have for myself. Comparing myself to others, I can't really get addicted to something so much that it runs my life. In fact, for that reason alone, I'm never going to give myself into doing deadly drugs. I don't care how much of a top dawg they think they are for doing pot or cocaine, but that's not for me. Also, I'm not going to drink my life away from doing alcohol either.

There's a part of me that wants to lust after intimacy with a good woman and it drives me to do and feel weird stuff sometimes. I'm not anywhere close most of the time to settling that goal because I'm just completely lost and behaving in a way that would even put my great grand kids to shame even if I adopted! It's a daily struggle for me to put a permanent end to it, and I think I'll still be struggling even long after I'm married. I think it's better for me to resolve it now through the use of Wikipedia, YouTube, and Google.

Maybe it's a good thing to let go and look elsewhere and make any attempts that did happen to be admirable and a positive experience as much as possible.

Interesting Exercise Products

I'm going to share a little about what I've been researching on. I'm trying to become more fit than I am right now, so it seems helpful to write a little about what I discovered with my own spin on it. There is this really cool website called! They offer some very cool home products that you could use to earn a body that you have always dreamed of. I really like how it's also affordable too for the average, working citizen.

I've been looking at the Focus T25 program because it looks at doing intense exercises for only 25 minutes to get a hour long exercise. It seems to be designed for the entry level athlete, so I think it's the best place for me to start. I'm looking to purchase their health drink called Shakology which is used to replace a meal throughout the day and contains essential vitamins and minerals to help boost a person's energy, recovery speed, and weight loss. It's called the Challenge Pack, and I think it seems like an acceptable deal for me, so I'm going to give it a shot.

Honestly, I want to work my way up to becoming a very hardcore athlete and to also train under a martial arts even though I'm always going to cheat by going for a groin shot. From having done it for about three years, I noticed how my self-awareness was pretty abnormal which is good now that I think of it. I stopped practicing for so long and now I want to go back to strengthen my mind and core. I may not be the best, but man, that concentration level was at a pique that could make me micro manage myself. I think I can just sign up to go through a boot camp Karate instructor and filled with pain and mistakes of being yelled at for being stupid in class and doing everything wrong.

Finishing Up On Daily Tasks

Honestly, I'm really thinking about closing this blog now because I'm just so busy and at the same time have myself committed to put something down here to average one post per day. I've done it so far for about five years which is nothing for anybody who has a passion for writing. I'm sort of lost in my way right now with what direction I want to take with this whole blogging thing.

Basically, what I'm randomly thinking is how everyone isn't perfect and the things we do could influence and hurt others even if it was unintentional. However, being up here on this computer, it's pretty fun with what I'm doing. I think I'm the type to make comments that not a lot of people are going to really interact with. I guess I'm just a normal person who sometimes appears to act a little stupid or crazy and at other times becomes very funny. I think I lost so much confidence back then because I felt I was a short person who was born to be withdrawn from the mainstream society. Actually, I never really liked being the center of attention.

I worked harder than others sometimes, but only to benefit myself and then I would be inspired to help others. I guess this made it possible for others to like me.

Maintaining Something For A Past Time

One of the hardest struggles that I have now is letting go of something that I really want to go after, but know deep down inside it wouldn't be of my best interest. It's not easy to move on for me because there are so many things that I would like to communicate or interact with the ordeal. Yeah, I guess I'm living in a fantasy world sometimes, which is marked by being left out of an equation. I think it's easy for others to exclude me from things because I'm just so weird in general or maybe they just don't want to put up with me.

Since I'm a God believing sinner, when it comes down to living in a business, I feel really worn out with finding pleasure with the same thing repeatedly. It ends up making me feel depressed, if I go after the same obsession. From what I heard, the brain chemicals start registering some muscle memory with some type of daily activity and then doesn't become that big of a deal anymore. I mean something that a person was passionate about eventually doesn't become so great like it was the first time.

I think I have a passion to play a lot of video games on a daily basis because one of the things I like about them is how a person can improve their character and then start dominating other players. It becomes a lonely field because just interacting with online players isn't the same as doing physical stuff in the real world. Therefore, I think what makes the most sense is to go after something a person is passionate about and legitimately good at doing, so the person can make the maximum bang for a dollar. However, this isn't always the case because there are exemplary accounts of how some people started from being a nobody and then worked their way up to the top. I guess it can qualify them as being lucky in the minds of others, which isn't a bad thing.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

What I've Been Missing

I pretty much have a life to live now, and it really comes down to connections. I'm not really spilling everything that I know on this site because I'm practically guarding some secrets for pretty much benefiting myself. Anyhow, the best I could go with it is that I'm just writing whatever I feel like right now.

It turns out now that even though I might be let down from being direct with others, as long as I made the attempt to try and give it my all, that's all the best it comes down to. I pretty much need to work on getting myself settled on some strong belief system, before I go after something. It sort of makes sense because when I'm in a state of believing something whether it's right or wrong, I make a huge leap with going after something.

Basically, what's on my mind is how my little sister who is three years younger than me is actually a little crazy. It really ticks me off because I'm the type of person who would get bored with her company but at the same time, I want her to be subservient with me. Okay, I can see how I'm actually very selfish deep down inside and it sort of makes me laugh now. Wow, with the people who tried to give me a hard time, I actually want them to be like kissing my feet and being nice to me or something. I don't want to be around them fully in general, but that's what I want with them. Also, I really would like them to always be in a good mood and to ride out the storms of life as a happy camper. Not everyone can really do this. I think I'm just a tad better than the average person at doing it; heck, I choose to not use swear words on a daily basis in my communication with others. I am tempted to use them when no one is around though or to even think about them, but I want to totally block them out of my system and to never use them at all. I just find swearing to be a waste of time, even though I can understand the artistic merit that some people try to emphasize the usage with it.

Going For Awesome

I think my comments are just what they are: no one really cares since I'm a dude. Basically, I'm finding myself inundated with a bunch of priorities that I've created for myself. In a way, it looks like I really have a sense of direction and purpose these days. This actually makes me feel a whole lot better than before and especially with the free time I get, I find it even more valuable.

I'm going to focus on investing in my time a lot more now. I'm not the young, hard-nosed, and quick person that I used to be. Actually, I've been very good all along at holding my ground no matter what I do, and I am also good at imposing this on people. I really need that spark again and so from actually being assertive and knowing what the heck is going on with myself, I think I can make much more wise decisions than before.

I've also been a very lucky son-of-a-gun because what type of guy doesn't want a sweet and innocent young lady to pursue after you. I've had that happen to me a few times and that is so extremely rare, where you really have to be lucky or something for that to occur. I mean for guys in general, it's not something everyday where a trustworthy and nice female is going to ask you out on a date! On top of being a short dude also, so it would be even more rare for any girl to find interest in me.