Monday, August 31, 2015

Tracking Number of Posts

I'm basically using to check up on what the current day of the year is. After this post, I will have done what I haven't done in awhile which is my goal of being up-to-date and having roughly the number of posts that amount to the days of any given month.

It seems relatively simple, considering how I'm on track with my sixth year to do this task, but I like to write a lot sometimes and pay attention to details that stick out. I've been socializing relatively well with nice people, and it's a challenge for me to stick around with people who are not so delicate with me. Anyway, because I'm a guy, I'm really desensitized to a lot of it and not really realizing the person is going through a hard time with something until later.

It's really boring for me to talk about a jerk's issues for me and something that I find to be stressful at times. It's a little hard for me to keep my cool which is what I have been trying to do all these years in those situations. I guess I can just start by being dedicated to achieving a positive outcome even though I don't feel like it and try asking some questions and pointing out some things that are obvious to me. It might just happen that they could just not be in the mood to fix their poor attitude and just continue trying to wreak things. I believe it really comes down to communicating, but what really helps for me is to just use relaxing self-humor to laugh about the situation and continually minimize my anger with the individual. It's a real pain and something I get tired of but it's about finishing strong for me and giving a valiant effort from the start. I get a little lost at the middle, which is what I see as daily routine. I guess I need to be in the hot seat more and pick my battles often to develop something that works for me and is satisfying while under Biblical laws.

Entering and Exiting

My eyes are just fixated on the piece of paper I made. I've actually awaken pretty early today and feel like I have a lot to accomplish. I had a semi-nightmare where I cracked my nail and was supposed to feel some sort of pain but really didn't. I haven't really been controlling my dream lately, which I heard is called lucid dreaming. I really had a fascination for that while I was growing up and so I did end up escaping some scary dreams.

I'm starting to notice that for a close female friend, I love her in that I accept her even though some of the things she does and says irritates me occasionally. She really isn't my type or anything even though we could appear compatible with her being smaller than me. I'm not really taking her comments about dating too seriously when we hang out. I tried to hire her to be my dating coach, and it's just not working out to my liking. Maybe, I should find another friend who is more like my style and willing to hook me up! I really need to break the news to her eventually because she really has a strong interest in it. There's a few things about her that need a little bit more work.

Right Now

I really feel out of focused right now for the most part. I'm just having a groggy morning and physically feeling not all there. It's like I just want to get engaged in something meaningful to me again. It's really all about the choices that we have to make.

My thoughts are centered on wasteful thinking. No wonder, I'm not getting any of my tasks done. I really need to fix this and be on top of my game again.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

A Few No No's

Basically, I'm relying on the Lord's good timing with finding a suitable life partner for me. In the meantime, I might as well just let that be the off-switch button for me and focus on some good things.

I'm actually becoming really serious again with investing my money. I'm really bored to my wit's end with playing poker these days, so I'm calling that part of me quits. I do have a list of things that I need to do, so I'll just let my mind dabble in that piece of paper.

I'm basically just saying no to poker, television, and games. My buddy says a lot of things that I can relate to and so when he's saying them, I'm thinking up a whole bunch of solutions. He seems pretty cool about it.

I guess my anger reminds me constantly to get some things done. I'm a really competitive guy. Okay.

Saturday, August 29, 2015


Honestly, I'm really grateful for all the people who come on here monthly just to read my top two posts or a few of them. It seems to add up in numbers. I honestly haven't really touched that post and I don't really want to model my posts after it.

I don't know how it ended up being like over 1000 reads on the Internet of over billions of people searching for something. Yeah, I'm pretty small.

Okay, I don't feel that special now with this blog of mine.

Oh yeah, enough with the digression. I'm going to try something where I write stuff with my agenda and then go from there to see how much I live up to it. I really need to prioritize and I haven't been doing that at all. That's probably one of the main reasons that I'm not really dating anyone at the moment.

With my time wasted playing having fun with Magic: the Gathering, who really needs a girlfriend? Okay, MTG is getting pretty boring and something I'm doing because I have this drive to be the best at it. I'm trying to work hard with all these hours in perfecting a deck that I'm happy with. So far, I'm like at a 9 out of 10 for satisfaction rating. That's not bad actually. I'll go rolling with it then.

Especially playing die hard fans online with their decks, I've been kicking their tails with my own original deck man! I guess that's good enough then to believe I have an above average deck that will fare well in the real world of Magic: the Gathering. Basically, I'll be kicking some consistent tail in my own ring of playing with some buddies!

Satisfaction Is Key

Whatever I'm doing in life, I need to make sure that I'm happy with it and that I can move on. Looking back, I did the best I could with some things and it just didn't turn out right the way I wanted. It's probably for the best that I leave it behind me now, like going on a world conquest to be everyone's friend on Facebook. Actually, for some period of time, I really didn't care if even a creeper wanted to be my friend. I would just add them.

I figure that why not indoctrinate them with my own bull and have them go ballistic with me to the point that they don't want to be friends with me on Facebook and try to move on from me bothering them all the time about it. It's pretty funny that even a stalker won't be friends with me on Facebook. I just have that look or can act in a demeanor that just scares people from what I message them sometimes.

I'm learning to adapt even though I'm sick and tired of playing mind games.

Wising Back Up

I'm pretty much fooling around and doing nothing important by practically playing Magic: the Gathering all the time online. It's been like my lonely activity where I seek an online opponent to enjoy some matches with. I then get bored and leave them hanging sometimes.

I keep repeating that type of behavior where I go have fun and then get bored all throughout the day. What about working on something where I would never get bored and feel fully content?

I've actually really felt that from chasing after God's love and going for living the way of the Bible. It's just that I'm constantly switching gears, like going from cold to hot all the time. I'm not much of a talker, which is something I would have to say. Anyway, it's nice to be accepted somewhere given the fact that I was rejected by a church!

I'm so serious when I talk about that with some buddies of mine. They are pretty flabbergasted and I'm being still mad about it. More and more, I'm starting to just laugh and becoming more in the mood for communicating and outsmarting my retarded acquaintances because I'm just made to care more and sweat it out with adapting to situations eventually while keeping a leveled mind.

Well, I can't say that I'll be fully level because I'm obviously irritated when I talk to some of them. I can just be honest and text them some scary messages. I haven't been arrested because I'm always just making fun of them by talking about how I'm a cool guy.

Totally Not In the Zone

I'm a little out of it at the moment and about to wrap things up and get back into the mood of things. I guess it happened that I was at a place where I started to get to used to things. I have been making some good acquaintances and learning a lot of stuff from willing teachers.

People have been asking me to do stuff. I guess it's just the way it is. It's really a lot about having fun. I really need to understand that when I take something really seriously, I'll take it all the way to the point that I might miss something and never be able to recover from it.

Boy, I'm such a mess right now with no drugs or alcohol in my system. I really don't care how depressing or bothersome my life is or what kind of dumb addictions I'm going through. I'm never going to rely on some product to get a high. I'd rather generate that type of pleasure from my own natural preferences, if you know what I mean!

Well I'm Back

I'm back to struggling again since it's the weekend. My mind is really scrambled and not in the mood, so I guess it makes sense then that I'm not the greatest in the world. Okay, I think it really comes down to making powerful decisions and sticking with it.

That being said, it really is a lot about time management and understanding what your goals are. I really need to make better use of my time, and it's really easy for me to get carried away with doing other stuff that entertains me. I don't want to make that a problem for me now. I really need to think harder and plan better.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Fear of Knowing Too Much

There's this girl I formally had a crush on but went downhill for me. Now when I look back, I am like what??? for reals. This is why I am not so gung-ho about a pretty woman's initial appearance to me now. A womanizing friend told me that being attracted to someone for anything makes you want to naturally know that person more. Another acquaintance voluntarily told me that nobody cares if an attractive woman likes you because it's just the way things are. Only reason for this is that I was like, "Who am I really when I have nothing really to offer?" I had one pretty individual I had an opportunity with but felt too high for my standard. I felt like a bum and that I would have to work very hard and it just didn't feel right for me so I let her go and she moved on to get engaged with someone else who I felt was right for her at the time. I honestly think she could have done better now. Hahaha!

Well the first girl I feel retarded about liking is Annie Suede (née Tran). She's sort of skinny with a dark complexion and I guess I liked her approaching me all friendly in the beginning. I thought she looked cute, but slowly from having a hard time speaking to her from being shy and trying to understand some weird things about her made me just blow up internally. A lot of the things she did really turned me off, but God bless her soul!

What bothers me to this day is that Annie said that studying the Bible too much basically sucks! That made me so mad! I had no counter for it. Now I do. It really pertains to having the right heart for wanting to follow and know God. The temptations that we identify with them from understanding our Bible studies will lead us to have to choose between the Lord's way or giving into a sin and then feeling rotten over it later. Basically, it's about living a challenging and humble life which isn't supposed to be mistaken for having pride over knowing too much which is what Annie feared so much.

I don't really like her because of that! I will still bug her about being my Facebook friend because she doesn't want that and is wrong from having feelings she can't let go of. I am right in doing this because I am being positive. Annie is right in that she didn't testify against me when she had the opportunity, so I think she developed secretly a liking for me which I can accept with dignity! She sort of has a tsundere persona which is basically being a violent, bad girl with some guy she likes. I had a girl act that way with me. She was like "I love you, but I am going to yell at you and put a restraining order on you." I was so mad at that girl that I harassed her with non-violent messages while making fun of her. That's a different girl I am talking about besides Annie. I am making closing statements with this now.

Fun Days Ahead

Well, I am a non-denominational Christian. I like churches that like to rely traditionally on the Bible. It seems like some churches I visited are tight like the people, the surrounding, and awesome music. However, when the main pastor talks, I am getting nothing out of it! It's hard to take off when you feel like you have a stake in something. I made a mistake being a loser among other losers at a church. I mean they have respectable positions but they still aren't the top dawgs of their field. If they were, then they are wrong in that their flaw exists in lacking knowledge for inspiring others and being able to be 100% lovely people who are covered by the love of God.

This makes it easy then for me to take off now and focus on the things of God. I am at a church that is so crazy about studying the Bible verse-by-verse and only caring about what the Bible says and not what we think or feel about some passages! I admire this style and keep coming back. Those churches who don't do it this way are wrong in that they are setting themselves up for failure by not being able to fully grasp the true nature of God. If you are just doing a "only me" or "only them" first approach then yeah, you will remember the good stuff that pertains to you, but what about the challenging aspects from doing a "God first" approach?

Revisiting Goals

I am the type who will get lazy when I find satisfaction with anything. What my addictions originate from is mainly from having a competitive nature. I practically suck at a lot of things like paying attention to a million details being thrown at me at once and then being expected to be the best at performing those tasks. I wish I could because then I would become so lazy and rich with the most healthy and sexy body in the world!

Well that's not happening! I have dumbed it down to an acronym to fit my risk taking and excitement seeking persona- BETS.

It's only one post that I talked about it. As a refresher:

B Bible
E Exercise
T Trade
S Study

That's pretty much the core of my personal routine. I have been busting out with watching poker on T.V. and playing Magic: The Gathering (MTG). I think I am a fish when it comes to playing poker. I am really bored of it now from constantly losing. I don't really have the patience to want to get better at it.

With MTG, I am actually satisfied with the work I put into it for fun in building my ultimate deck. I played online people with their own ultimate decks and beat them silly! I am ready to just pack it up and bring it back out only when the opportunity presents itself with other MTG players. I have spent so much time on it that it is time for me to try getting good at something else.

Even though I have those lazy feelings of doing nothing at times, I feel numb about doing hard tasks, and I figure that eventually I am going to get good at it with the more time I spend on it.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Importance With Communicating

Being very dedicated and hard working are awesome attributes we should all strive to achieve. Recently and from the past, I was really irritated by people who thought they were better than me, while also having their flaws. I see this in others who don't notice that I am tuning in to their conversation. I am actually very nonchalant about those comments and don't really like to talk about others behind their back. It's something I made my childhood friends angry about even though they did it themselves! Haha, how very human that is.

It still stuck with me in not talking with a grudge for someone because I love getting along with everyone. This is where I finally picked up from little bits and pieces that communicating with those freaks who aren't handling their feelings too well at the moment is vital. It's just so obvious that I assumed they would know and stop on their own. Regardless of how silly that was, facts are something you can't dispute no matter how much you try to work around. From that principle alone, it can be used to school someone and the negative feelings that come about from it is really their own doing. Picking on the obvious facts to prove a point is how I have resolved misunderstandings with people in the past.

No fear! Though I walk through the valley in the shadow of Death, I will fear no evil for the Lord is my Shepherd. I am not going to be so shy about it anymore. Undying and absolute, true love does not go all raging and hating on someone who you had an intimate relationship with. There's no need for me to get caught up with thoughts of killing someone at the moment. I think love also helps you maintain your emotions in a professional and courteous manner with others.

Benefits of Reading the Bible

I am finding out that from reading the Bible, I am seeing more greater meaning to my life. From my struggles, it's easier and faster for me to learn how I could resolve them in time. A buddy of mine has complemented how I have good composure when I am in stressful situations.

I guess I have been immature this whole time. The Word of God is practically piercing my heart in a spiritual sense and giving me an awakening. I am really thankful for a guy who has been irritating me. He's helped me understand the values of being task-oriented. I understand my purpose here with this dumb job of mine! I am very thankful for the Lord's mercy upon me.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Project Management

My next class that I am signed up for in grad school is project management. From reading the text a month ahead of time, the book is only 500 pages which isn't that bad to me and seems like an average load for obtaining a Masters degree!

I am already motivated to practice some of the concepts I have already retained. I think it's a very powerful book because it's really about techniques to succeed with accomplishing reasonable goals and objectives. Even though it's brilliantly tailored for career-minded professionals, I am thinking about how I could use it for my personal life and to rebuild my confidence in personal relationships.

The only thing I am really adding at the basis is what's right and wrong. I am understanding the lack of insincerity a few of my friends did while trying to help me resolve a situation. More and more, these courses are helping me to obtain some valuable knowledge for countering my frustrations and bringing that upon them and then assisting them in a positive manner, after getting a nice kick out of it!

Away From Home

Currently, I am out of town for a job and do not wish to have anything to do with it right now. Oh well! Anyway, I am made busy by using my iPhone to read for my next class. I have been lately reading the Bible and getting a little closer with my coworkers which is nice. I feel a little dumb in that I find that I am breaking my own concentration by just habit. It sucks because I realize now that I could save a lot of time by not doing that and have way more downtime to enjoy.

Reading has actually been really good for me in exercising my brain and trying to comprehend like a thousand things passing through my head at once. It's a discipline that I feel healthy with in engaging right now. I didn't bring my laptop this time around to lighten my load for the plane flight. I just have an iPhone 5s which is satisfactorily doing everything that I need right now. Well almost. I think the keyboard touch screen could be made more efficient but it's just a compromise.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Early New Years Resolution

I'm constantly thinking about what I could to make changes in order to improve myself. Why not start with an early New Years' style of thinking?

1. Keep on reading the Bible.

2. Go back into trading.

3. Lay off of poker.

4. Lay off of Magic the Gathering.

5. Lay off of television.

6. Play more by socializing with people in group settings. Boring or exciting, doesn't matter!

7. Lose about 20 pounds and then gain it back all in muscle! Just kidding. I want to keep the weight off and carve my stomach into a sexy six pack that I can show off to the angry people at my former church.

I'm basically just going to have to constantly exercise better judgement and discipline, which is going to be hard.

Some Proposals

These are some steps that I'm planning on making. I'm mainly going to be doing a lot of reading for academia in the area of Information Technology. Even though I don't see the benefits out of that right now, I seem to have a decent interest in it. I also like health-related things too. I guess my main reading topics of interest will be boring health research and dumb ways to get old while interacting with I.T.

I see that making money is boring, but those are the fields that I see myself with a substantial amount of interest. I would rather volunteer in them if I could, but I need some way to sustain a living. I'm doing a job that I hate right now.

I've been thinking to myself, what if I make a lot of money by learning new things and applying them in the field of I.T. Making money then would be just a boring routine for me. I guess I can make my life a little more exciting by donating it to the needy kids who shouldn't be with unclean water and get sick and then die.

Making Adjustments

I am already friends with a woman who is actually my all-around ideal type. We socialize every once in awhile and she's sweet and nice. She responds pretty nice to me also. I guess it's a good thing then that I love peaceful and nice women. A friend says that she dresses nice, but I don't seem to observe that portion about her.

One thing about her is that she's been engaged for some time. I came on the scene a little too late **sniff sniff, but it's no problem, I'll get over it like I always do. It comes and go, boo hoo. I'm just kidding while laughing to myself. I really enjoy talking with her and she's what my friend says is a church girl. My buddy says she's just way too nice.

Anyway about that, I want to continue to work on myself by allowing the Lord to transform me in areas where I do not want to yield to Him yet. It's taking a little humility to write the last sentence for me because my pride wanted to kick in there. What I'm planning is to on a consistent basis keep a pure heart and steady mind. I think I just need to read the Bible more and recall more passages that I've been looking at. By doing so, even though I don't feel like it, it's what I like to call faith from remembering. I also need to make prayers about this personal area of mine too.

She Does Exist

I went on a dating site and narrowed down my choice to 700 women, while treating the site like a marketplace. I then saw about 10 potential women and all of them was like revealing in their profile, "No, you are too short! Stay away." Literally, no they didn't put that, but what I saw spoke to me like that. There was only one woman I saw on there and was the winner for me! It was "Ding! Ding! Ding!" all the way. I was like wow, "She does exist!"

Just one thing, she could already be taken and I don't want to sign up and pay for the site. I just did a free, lazy search. Only one woman who might not even answer back doesn't seem like a $1000 deal for me. I guess I'm going to have to go looking in the real world then and play the numbers game. I know she exists and for that, I'm made confident in the Lord for that aspect of my life.

Peaks and Valleys

There are highs and lows that become associated with our lives. I'm noticing that even with the most intimate moments that we love to hold on to. If the Lord is saying that one thing is sinful, then I'm going to be mindful of it and turn myself away from that direction. It's like a life-long struggle for me to stay pure. It's like once I've fallen and then confessed of the sin and repented, I'm back to being made right with God again. The temptations hit like a reset button and the emotional struggles while forgetting about them in the past return again.

It's really difficult to stay pure for the Lord because it's not in our nature to behave that way. I need something more powerful than relying on myself. I need assistance from the Holy Spirit. Only because I've realized through my feelings that everything is like a bipolar effect, even though I don't have the symptoms of bipolar. I don't really care how people feel about that. Yeah, whether I was improperly diagnosed or not I was a really stressed out adolescent in my puberty from being depressed and not feeling like I was getting a break. I had major swings and I don't know if that has anything to do with hormones.

Now, I always want to be at a constant high of happiness. I wouldn't mind if it lasted that way for my whole life. Call me bi-polar? Call me bi-positive or bi-happy! Charlie Sheen said in an interview that he is bi-winning!