Friday, June 23, 2017

Trying To Waste Little Time

I ended up donating about $6,000 to a scam artist. The person was pretending to be in love with me and asked me to cash a check to pay for her mom's cancer surgery. She played all her cards right and made herself seem to be a cutie with no cash and completely broke and fatherless. I was like aww, I guess it's real if the bank cashes it and they tell me it's completely real. That's what they told me and stupid representative wasn't paying attention to the check so I lost 5,000 instead of 6,000 which came from buying her a 800 Christmas present. A stranger who I just met online and never met in person. Man, I'm such an idiot.

It's funny that I learned from this horrific experience. To go bankrupt from losing $6,000 is pathetic!!! I'm not bankrupt but I decided to just tell the scam artist no more money and ask her if she's on drugs or addicted to sex. I might as well just make peace with my stupid nature of falling in love with a scam artist and move on. This is what I did and it took me about two months to get over it.  Losing 6,000 personal cash for most people is just eye-popping man! Well, at least I stopped it before bleeding even more.

Trying to chase after love is hard and can cost you a great deal of money. Man, I'm so stupid for having given into it. I need to just let my Napoleon complex fire up again to make myself into a successful millionaire with a six pack!

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Starting or Ending the Day Right

Currently, I'm working in the afternoon shift. My mom unfortunately had a freak accident that left her breaking the wrist. I'm pretty much trying to help out my mom without doing my usual day shift. Now that I think about it, I feel turned on by a friend who just texted me. I guess this is from trying to prevent myself from looking at porn. She's cool though and taken, but she doesn't act like she is. The guy she's living with is someone she calls her partner and maybe that has meaning that she's already consummated with him. They seem to act so cold around each other when I've seen them together. It only feels like I have an opening with her because of her warmth and friendly character with me, but what I'm expecting from a lover could be outside the normal comfort zone with most girls anyway.

 Chris-sucks-a-lot introduced four babies already with his wife so he probably had some action. His wife seems to be cool, but I guess they are busy and have all these normal worries. Overall, I think he's whack so I don't envy him at all.

If I go whack with my Napoleon complex, then Chris-sucks-a-lot will be my friend. The world will be speechless or have thoughts they would be afraid to even talk about with me. If I stay sane, then I don't go crazy and have a piece of mind that can develop into a consistent champ. I prefer the later to be honest and who wouldn't?

Having gone whack with my other whack psychotic stupids I have worked or socialized with, I haven't finished my dirty deeds in the longest time with them. It looks like I'm learning to compartmentalize being a socially adept person from communicating with friendly hot girls like the one who texted me. I've probably just texted mainly girls instead of guys the whole week, even though it looks like my social media is totally inactive.

It's funny how I look like a player right now, but I'm not really. I lack confidence to ask any of them out and I guess I don't feel a proper opening to pursue after any of them right now. I'm still living with my mom who has a broken wrist right now and trying to take care of her now. I would like to have my own pad too, or it would be nice to have a mansion.

Overall, I think I'm too busy with obtaining my goals right now that I'm really side-tracked from feeling confident about landing myself a girlfriend. To end this long-winded post, I think I need to start the day by waking up really early or get everything I set myself out to do done by the end of the day.

I'm pretty much looking for an appropriate opening now to express my inferiority complex with the people I'm angry with now and then go after being their friends again. It's totally inappropriate but I don't care because they aren't family to me and I don't care how selfish it is or how illegal it's going to get. I'm just going to express everything and release the tension because in the end, I just want to be a friend and will tell them to get some professional help to move on and become my friend!

Tying It Together

It really looks like I'm not a talented writer. I may be better than some of my friends, but if one pits me with others than I'm not going to receive any credit compared to them. This is how I feel and have come to an acceptance. Largely by habit, when I write, when I do take a risk, it has usually ended up disastrous for me with very few supporting my trolling.

When I decide to play it safe by trying to politically correct, then nobody really cares that much. If I have said something amazing from putting my effort into it, then not enough people care to like it. I'm just not able to connect that well then and that's how the world is. If I give into my Napoleon complex on the other hand like a maniac, then yeah, I have received some recognition. Usually people give into my antics if I take it that far with my speech and mannerisms. I'm pretty much a reluctant jerk going in for the kill, or that's how I feel at least.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Going On Writing Binge

I'm just talking crazy here and totally unreserved. I don't feel comfortable talking about masturbating and porn and other unclean stuff on the net. It's not my style to really bring up in general. I'm totally just going rogue and open with myself in this whole propriety thing of keeping things to myself.

Normally for my own interests, I will hang on to stuff. Obviously, if I end up breaking the law to harm Chai Bee Sting or Chris Sucks-a-lot or Goof ball Golf or even Jerky Jarred, I still want to be friends with them in the end! They will seriously have some massive problems in being my friend. It's a no-brainer! They would need to get some professional help to make it happen with me.

With me about to unload with explosiveness with a bunch of no-name losers, I think they would want to respect my Napoleon complex.  I have a huge massive one at times and sometimes, I just try not to care while I'm really angry. Maybe it's my anger problems coupled with my inferiority complex that makes me try to go overboard. I think they were afraid of me going there. Since I football tossed a Book of Mormon that whizzed past through Pastor Chai Bee Sting, I think that made Oyuri the Schmuck be like "Oh, you're a psycho!" the whole time with me. I blocked her on my Facebook profile after telling her off. No need for such nonsense!

Actually, I'll talk to Stupid Lee because she's the one who started it and tell her that I have her blocked on Facebook with my fake profile and that I want to be friends with her again. The incident wasn't really that big because she was just having sensitivity issues. She's stupid and looks bad for what she did and I don't care! I'm a reminder that she sucks at living in general and I can live with that while parading around her and being a friend at the same time.

Helping Nobody

This blog is of really no help to anybody. I'm not really sorry. It's very egotistical and not something I'm proud about promoting. I tell people I have a blog, but don't tell them to read it. This is more like a semi-journal. One stupid girl named Oyuri the Schmuck even claimed this whole blog is a fake!

Whatever man. One thing that I do notice about writing whatever here is that it's keeping me from going insane. This is pretty much my outlet to talk bad about people my way which is just being blunt. Hey it's the truth and if they read it and hate it, then the joke is on them because it's a truthful observation about them. What better way to get personal things off my chest right?

It's smart, funny, and even to a point sassy while commenting on strategies to approach this person who I think is an imbecile. In my nature, I'm called to love whoever so even if they are a bunch of little weenies who just want to be left alone in the day, I need to call them out to get some professional help to help them get over something silly that they can't let go of!

I want to make peace with Stupid Lee and Oyuri the Schmuck still to this day! I might just engage in this sarcastic run this time, but only after I manage to become a millionaire with a six pack.

Okay Whatever

I read a research about how a man who ejaculates 21 times a month will lower his risk of testicular cancer. That's one thing of looking at it from a health perspective, so why not enjoy recreational sex often with the wife? 

Here's the problem. I'm not married and I'm a numb skull from lacking the skills to land a hot girlfriend to be my wife. I don't even know if the girl will keep her looks after getting married, so in a why I'm hesitant about it. 

Whatever man. If I fall in love then all else will follow through I guess. It's just I haven't and from reading up on what other sites are saying, it looks like avoiding pornographic material will engage more motivation for the guy to go seeking after the right woman to settle down with. 

I'm pretty dumb in this area and an idiot. I haven't  really asked anyway from lacking confidence with myself. I think that's the biggest thing for me in that I lack so much confidence. Maybe, I'll just commit myself to follow a book and if it doesn't work then ask for my money back I guess. I'm just not going to be a jerk to the ladies, even if a book calls for it. If a book mentions about being a mean guy to get girls, then I'm going to ask for my money back. 

I guess I can try chasing after girls out of my league because I know that I'm expecting them to turn me down anyway, so I know that and they know it too. About the whole cancer prevention thing with guys, it's the involuntary movement of the muscle from ejaculation that must be healthy. I think I can get plenty of exercise with the muscle by not looking at porn and fighting my temptations with the girl I'm trying to chase after. Even better, if she's willing to go steady then yeah, there's all the practice I'll get one I settle. 

I might as well let my mind go crazy and warped here from not giving myself into fapping material and not even doing it. 

Friday, June 16, 2017

Pretty Cool Idea

I think it would be sweet to get a six pack and become a millionaire. Yeah, who wouldn't think that's great? I mean after I obtain those two difficult things for myself, I'd like to show it off to those church people if they are still around. I'll just go visit and show it off to the people who are remaining there. I honestly don't care if I never ever see them again in my life and if they left the church for good. 

If I do see them, I want to go after being their friend but I'm going to be very sarcastic with them in a blunt manner first for awhile and will be teasing them and bringing out all of their negatives out in the open with everybody whose around them. Yeah, I have a strong vendetta to do this and I don't care. I'm not stopping with showing off my six pack and talking about how I became a millionaire. It really has nothing to do with them. It's just my date with God. 

I made an oath to God to go visit that stupid church with Stupid Lee as their fallen and weak vessel leader, right after I obtain the million with six pack abs. Girlfriend wise? I'm too short, so the best thing I could do is just put myself out there and go after meeting people. I don't really meet attractive ladies who are single. I've probably got to know and hang out with about four of those girls so far last year which isn't that bad. The count is only going to get bigger as I keep them around, and I've been doing so while it being so fun.  

Plans For Early Retirement

It looks like I want to live a life with a lot of free time and I'm really blessed to be living in California weather. It sometimes can't get better than it is here, so the costs of living here are high in most cases, even though there are areas here that go unnoticed and fall very cheap. 

I don't really really mind settling peacefully in a great community and being a law abiding citizen. Let's see, now I have playful names for the people I've been writing about. It's just a play on with my sarcasm, but I've been managing to rant well by just speaking in a blunt tone these days. It really seems to alleviate my anger issues and keep me from going stupidly insane. Stupid Lee, yeah she's not all there, and was smiling when I scared the heck out of her once right after she lost the court case to put a restraining order on me. Goof ball Golf isn't all there either and I don't know how he puts up with it. Jerky Jarred was being stupid too, there's !@#$ Annie (literally I still struggle not to swear while having memories of her).

I don't really have names for Betty yet, but I used to wrongfully call her Betty bud in person like screw buddy in secret. I want to call that guy Chris Sucks-a-lot. Not much you can do, but try to laugh it off I guess while expressing yourself about the past therapeutically and go after moving on. I would still like to be their friends because I don't care how bad they were or will still be because they can't handle something from misjudging a situation. It really shows they all lacked some character after all. I wonder if I should name the pastor at that horrible church, Chai Bee Sting. Oh yeah, I've been forgetting about Oyuri the Schmuck now. I could continuously send her trash talk messages to bother her because she's so sensitive and gets angry for fun, but I don't want to get too carried away with it now.  

Thursday, June 15, 2017

So Inconsistent

Well I'm just ranting about how I plan on trying to visit Stupid Lee and Goof ball Golf after I become a millionaire with a six pack. Stupid Lee lost and well that settles it! Stupid Lee couldn't get a stupid civil restraining order extended with me. Oh well, I don't care that she lost and still want to be her friend. If I read this about myself and I was a girl then I would be flattered so that's why I wrote this sentence.

Anyway, I'm a system developer these days and doing some of that just to help out. Man, it's cool! I think that's where I'm supposed to be anyway so might as well just branch out and try to make millions on my own with some good help. I'm going to be doing most of the work, so might as well call myself the owner then. I'm really interested in doing it and going for it.

But I'm so inconsistent man. I need to figure it out sooner or later and I'm starting to feel that sex is totally overrated. I've been swearing behind people's back while no one is around and calling out girls' names that I have an uncomfortable memory with. Now that I think of it, even with those memories, I still want to be that girl's friend! It's probably just Stupid Lee who I want to work on eventually being friends with again.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Trying To Master Time Management

Well I don't know how this happened but I managed to not look at porn while I was craving it in the afternoon. I kept myself busy and was thinking to myself how selfish to do that when my mom had asked me to complete something for her. I would rather be a momma's boy than feel sheepish later about having looked at porn and have a date with Jill again, over and over again.

Anyhow, I'm glad it turned out that way for me. I did play some games and my Magic the Gathering deck is just rocking against some world-class decks. Well, I can lose while not knowing what the opponent has so I can't say I beat someone who played it very well. My high school buddy who I introduced this game to got hooked and he isn't that bright. He used to be a pretty bad son of a cranky man while we played this game, but he's lightened up with a few lessons. I just might attempt to create my own foil proxy MTG deck. There's plenty of YouTube videos for it, so that's pretty cool in general.

Also I was thinking to myself about killing time while playing poker. I don't think it's a good idea for me and I got carried away with that again, so I'm not going to do that.

Basically, it's just coming down to reading the Bible and I've been stuck at studying one chapter so far, going for some exercise, and trying to manage some long-term Forex trades. It's really my main core and if I have time, I'm also playing music and singing songs while trying to get something going with cooking as well.

I have a bunch of other stuff that I can do too and now that I have researched on what I'm looking for, the military life doesn't really have anything I'm interested in for doing something career-related. It would really be secondary and I don't think that's a good thing necessarily. I guess I'm lucky with where I'm at and I should be working hard and grateful to actually have it.

Managing Personal Stuff

I have a dream for a volunteering position. It's funny because I don't think too many would dream about doing an full-time occupation for free. Mine is being a medical doctor at a remote and peaceful village to all the unfortunate people living there.

Think of all the costs to go to medical school and how debt would accumulate. It's crazy right to even sign my life away at this point, when I'm in a period where I should be trying to settle down with someone and maybe start a family. Who knows? If I lose all my friends to a catastrophe then maybe I will go on this type of spiritual awakening.

Also I'm really grateful for the friends I have recently hung out with. I think I was naturally really good at it and just relaxed. It was a little hard at first, but I guess it's only natural anyway and I don't think I have much to worry anymore. Ethically speaking, I think I'm clear of any guilty conscience right now.

What I'm just noticing now is that I had a real connection with a fellow believer from almost ten years ago now. I'm still acting nice with her and no real complications about whatever she decided to do. I think I'm on clear waters with her and have always been. It's a blessing to realize this. It's a true friendship that's built on grounds of spiritual growth. No wonder why she acted different with me while the others went coo coo for cocoa puffs. 

Long Long Time Ago

"Do not do unto others what angers you if done to you by others" Matt 7:12.

About 9 and a half years ago, a Christian friend emailed us to answer two questions in response. I realized what I sent is something I put my heart into composing. I had given it my all so it's not too bad.

The first question:

1. What group of people do you not know much about but would like to? (elderly, youth, homeless...etc)

1. animal lovers, musicians, writers, artists, famous people, doctors, lawyers, business leaders, open people, promoters, single male parents, young married couples, travelers, homeless, backsliding believers who are friends, indigenous people,

Second question:

2. What are you really passionate about? What makes you angry or excites you?

2. I am very passionate about being alive and doing something that feels meaningful. I like to play sports, too. I really hate it when family members or employers yell at me, with the exception of nice ones doing it. I need to fix myself from yelling back, only by the power of the Holy Spirit.  "Do not do unto others what angers you if done to you by others" Matt 7:12 ... I also do not like feeling pushed away in anything small or big.

Revisiting #1,

I've met an animal lover (myself), musician (myself), writer (myself), artist (high school buddy), no famous person yet, doctor (friends with an optometrist), lawyer (met her for Stupid Lee's civil restraining order case which I submitted to and then she failed to get it extended so she lost in the end and that's all that matters!), business leaders (some of my classmates are directors, my sister included, my dad and relatives are one time, I worked with a bunch of them), open people (myself), promoter (myself), single male parent (not me, haven't met any), young married couple (have friends), traveler (myself), homeless (I have helped him out, but he was part Cherokee so he got compensated), backsliding believers who are friends (yeah), indigenous people (from Africa, maybe in Cambodia).

 Basically the only thing left to do on this list of people I've met is just for myself to get world famous! I don't know why I really want to get to know a single dad.

Revisiting #2

Yeah, I'm still happy to be alive and trying to make living worthwhile. I still play sports too; mainly basketball all myself because I'm too short. I can swim and run all by myself too. I also indoor rock climb all by myself too. Yeah, I'm a loner when it comes to playing sports.

The most important part of this whole post is what makes me angry and understanding it. Well, let's see how can I put it?  ...

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Developing New Stuff

I guess I'm starting to understand where I'm headed as a friend and totally comfortable with the girls now. I'm surrounded by non-Korean girls, which would probably suck to my parents still. I guess I was just going through some personal issues in regards to interacting with girls and trying to be nice about it. By me talking trash and pouring out some insults in my own terms with some girls, yeah those girls supposedly didn't take it too well!

Anyway, that's life and after all of that frustrations passed through, I was able to come to terms with it and now resolving the past conflict hasn't been much of a headache for me. I think to those girls who were affected by my trash talk, I have reason to believe that they want it to mean death if I ever bring up the past again to discuss it with them. Yet, as funny as that seems, I have reason to believe that by letting them know they need to move on, if that limits them from being friends, it means they are having a hard time letting it to, so it shows that they are conflicted in general and nobody likes to have that image among friends. In general, I believe it could be a persuasive point for them to not act so rude with me and then get me to trash talk some more to them.

Moving On

Just from actually finally getting a handle of how I am as a person in regards to how I act while I'm mad at people, I'm starting to get the hang out of it with letting past incidents go with people. I understand those people sucked in general and I mean it while I'm laughing about it at the same time.

I think they were just heavily influenced by something else that they really had no firm grasp or control over and became brats about it. It's pretty annoying in general, but I guess since they were young or inexperienced about it, we were all pretty much in the same boat.

They aren't the greatest nor are they the best and I know their bad side and from recalling the past bad stuff is going to just be put right in their faces with me as their reminder. Despite knowing all of this, I'm a little bit careful now and at the same time, I want to be peace with them. I really like to reconcile in general and yeah, I think they may need some help to move on from this incident where they were just brats about it. I like to be a strong character in general as a person.