Saturday, December 9, 2017

Working Things

Getting into the moment of things, I don't really understand what I'm doing with trading Forex. It looks like in all actuality, it really is a form of gambling and playing like a game of team poker. The strategy is really using tools to come up with enough information to be confident that a market is heading in your direction and then playing to win consistently. It's pretty much fighting team battles of either being a buyer or seller. I think it's exciting to be a part of and I want to be a great player of the market. My style is so laid back and I like being that way without being like a well-known poker player.

I think there's more money to be made in this market and even more unimaginable then I would as a poker player. I'm making the comparison because trading and playing poker for money both have similarities for me to draw conclusions from. 

I'm slowly crossing stuff off my to do list and the easy stuff on there has turned out to be time consuming. I made a hard decision to cross one of those easy tasks off, which was buying a snowboarding pass. With all of the money that I have spending, I went overboard than I would have liked and need to settle down with finances. With this time, I can focus on trading more and see if I can make any personal breakthroughs with it. 

It's pretty much a new day and my tasks need to be exhausted before I can have fun. I really like having this committed effect from having a list of things to do that I made and to go after it in a daily fashion. It's like everything is laid out for me in a bird's eye view without being so hard on myself. From being distracted with my hormones, I'm aware of it and pushing myself to reward myself from doing the tasks that have been laid out for me. One thing that I have to be really grateful for is that it just isn't about all my life and I actually have God on there who I want to please. Maybe if I had a lot more money and free time, like I was living the privileged life with a high salary from being successful with trading then maybe I would be able to joyfully give back to organizations that I have faith in. 

I'm thinking that a certain person I don't want to mention for my own protection is a jerk. I should just treat him as such in the future now and give him a hard time by asking him to add me on Facebook. I'm just going to wing it and be completely honest about it while laughing about the incident and poking fun of the dude's ineptness and what I'm able to draw from it. I'm willing to make the dude look bad and just about everybody else I came across to give a chance to being cool with me but ended up being a jerk-a-holic. Eventually, all in time and if I can't have access those stupid individuals anymore, I'm completely okay with it. 

There's one who is pretty much a retarded jerk, so I just ignore and let it go with whatever he wants to say now. I give off this positive energy and it's like I know I'm better than him type of deal. In all of his contradictory feelings and stupid anger, he looks up to me. He wishes me well from the treatment I decided to give upon him. 

There's also a friend who is brothers with this retarded jerk who I get annoyed or angered by pretty often, so I just distance myself out from him. It's worked and he's just a phone call away for me to hang out if I ever desire it. I just don't know what else to do with him now and the things he is into isn't really that relational to me that much anymore. I've been quite lucky to have something fun with a hot girl and be great friends with her and to spend time together. We're like family and it feels very meaningful and something to cherish. It's great that she's hot too because I feel like I made a connection with something I wanted from the past already and moving into tomorrow is more comfortable for me. 

Friday, December 8, 2017

Making Adjustments

I'm not going to lie but from being single and almost already 35 next year, man, that's a huge number and I'm this little guy with a big heart. I want to really think that way. Thinking about it, I actually feel sorry for the wives of Jarred and Chris at that old and lame Hope of God church. They (intentionally left ambiguous) might be loving and sweet sometimes, but they really have a bad side to them. I'm not really interested in Mina or Judy either. It's like whatever for me, but I'm just talking about them because I feel annoyed with Jarred and Chris and thinking about Jarred and Chris (intentionally revealed) being bad at romance and sex!

I'm basically saying that if you end up finding the right person to fall in love with, everything just falls into place. I'm preaching it and I read this from a slick autobiography about the author spending his time sleeping with prostitutes. He would analyze the woman's body and how their sexual prowess was and all of that which guys are prone to doing. In the end, he fell in love with a prostitute! Out of that humor, there's the conclusion that if you meet the right person for whatever context, it's lining up and happening.

With four kids running around Chris and mentally testing him, I'm coming back to really make him stressed out! If Chris was smart, he would just leave and never come back to the old and lame Hope of God church. I'll tell him that to leave if he doesn't want to add me on Facebook because he's already so stupid anyway and I'll tell that to Jarred the same. Obviously, I'm being random with my truthful statements with feelings but emotions are meant to be contradictory from the start anyway. I'm guessing it's a mark to show that we have sinful natures already.

Jesus was melancholy and weeping at the Garden of Gethsemane. It's holy and he was crying about the Father having to abandon him at the cross to pay the ultimate price for washing away all sins to believers who want it. I guess there's nothing selfish then about wanting a friendship with a stupid and silly person like Chris or Jarred. Jarred, I'm thinking is a lazy putz and like a spoiled brat and gets moody when he's convinced something is so right and not getting his way but I'm glad he's wrong, and he's about to get my physical treatment to remind how he was really wrong and he's of no help. Jarred is going down the drain.

Basically, if Jarred was smart too, he would leave that lame church also and never come back.  I need to stay cool and follow the rules. Their rules are twisted and out of proportion. They suck as human beings because they want to be all religious with Christianity! They are limiting their own potential and not seeing the actual truth about Christianity. It's about having freedom with a relationship to God through faith that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Freedom in a relationship via any means is so much different from practicing religion. Chris really sucks and has a distorted view about life, but hey, the human heart is wicked and deceitful already. You can look all nice on the outside but on the inside, it's all chaos!

So what have I been doing besides just masturbating occasionally and feeling great about lasting awhile to porn? I've been feeling like how porn is useless because I'm going on longer each time. It gets boring and it's like this might not even be sex sex anymore with a real girl, if I ever find the right one to marry. Yeah, I'm going to be very sexually active in marriage. Porn isn't helping me to do that because it really tests the conventional standard to begin with. I've been trying to study what creates pleasure in sex but it looks like emotions and taking turns pleasing each other with like an understood language of love is what gets the job done! Looking at porn from a feminist's point of view is wrong too because it's having sex outside of marriage but the emotions and all of it match to what should be in a marriage. In a marriage with all of that good feminist stuff coming straight out of porn and the guy enjoying it like at a sky-rocket pace, then yeah sex is meant to be so fun and it's all for you with the one partner who fell in love with you- your wife. Yeah, it makes all sense and adds up. Masturbating to porno is wrong even though it feels good sometimes. There should be a partnership and communication going on and me having nobody yet, I need to go find her!

It really hurts to have a girl I'm sort of digging having a different perspective of life, so I'm just going okay, friend and I'll hang with her and I'm not convincing her to change. After awhile, she just stays a friend. Sometimes, she shows her romantic interest in me and I'm like, hmmm then.

I'm apologizing to God right now via praying to Jesus that I'm sorry for being so stupid and thank you, for letting me start another day fresh again. I already feel so much better!  Amen.

So basically, I'm a total smart aleck and can figuratively tear a huge hole out of nothing on the ground for people to fall into. I like to reach my hand in and forcefully pull them out in an angry fashion and then start lambasting them like a butthead. It's really funny to me now that I think about it and I don't feel bad about it. All I want now is for those people to run far away from me and for me to never see them or just add me on any social media site that I could look at and laugh at them behind their backs.

I ended up setting up some trades and one of them went really well right away. I need to do a rinse and repeat type of method and I'm digging the trading style I'm doing. I'm going to stick to it and trade pretty much volumes without me knowing what I'm doing and just keep working at it a little each day. I don't really mind turning this into a profession for me, and I won't have to deal with the headache of having to clock in at an office from 5 am to 6 pm everyday because that's how it feels with me waking up to drive and coming back home each day.

Oh yeah, lastly I managed to get a small workout in. I need to expand on it and I missed out on reading the Bible from being distracted with my hormones and looking up porno to masturbate to like an idiot. I haven't done it in like a few weeks so yeah, it felt really good! Yet, I think I need to deny myself the pleasure (pun intended) and go after marrying a good girl. It's all of that torture and hard road that I think God is trying to shape me up still with. Yeah, I'm pretty unique and going to probably last for a long time because of my emotions and desires with loving being around people and even those I want to smack around and despise like the lame people at that Hope of God church in Los Angeles.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Update on Life

So I pretty much had a date with a female friend and yeah, it was just the two of us. She broke up with a decent looking, outwardly pleasant, and hardworking guy. The guy was really frustrated about not getting enough attention from her and wanted more out of her. It was too much for her to handle so she cut him off and he's weeping about it and will probably never get over it. She's pretty much a hot tamale and I had a one-on-one time with her at an awesome restaurant. I paid for the meal too because the food only cost $26 dollars for two people and to stuff ourselves. Man, that was a great price and I can spend that much on myself at an all-you-can-eat BBQ place.

I have another date with another friend coming up and I almost completely forgot about that because this friend of mine wanted to do stuff together again. When I think about this friend, I'm like I'm all used to being around hot, Asian girls. It's like a natural occurrence for me already, so I don't care.

It's really crazy how I might actually be really gifted at managing my own relationships with stupid people ( who make me mad) and nice friends. With the stupid people, I want them all to add me on any social media site. I don't care what it is, I'll even create something new to accommodate them. They are stupid and who cares, why would I stalk their profile besides wanting to look at it and say something to make fun of them?

The smart stupid people will basically leave behind other stupid people, so they will never have to face my wraith of making them add me on Facebook. Okay it's whatever.

On to the real topic, I fell asleep after the dinner with pretty much hot friend (she's stressing out about her cute little sister's issues). I don't think people look at us badly and in fact, I think it looks very favorable for me. She's also like my hot wing woman. Heh, I can put to use her social skills as a hot girl. She hates being pursued from just being seen as hot because she really has a sweet side that she would rather focus on.

I ended up trying to do some trades on my computer and then I just knocked out after. I got pretty close to getting up to work out though. I think what ended my night is that the time was around 9 pm and then I just laid down without changing on the bed and boom, lights out with the computer still running...

I actually like this setup of doing trades, working out, and then studying the Bible as my bed time. I'm still working on this but I think I will repeat this intention again tonight.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Different Methods

I found out that I fall asleep right after reading the Bible last night! This means that for my daily four priorities that I'm trying to complete, I'm going to have to make it three. I'm not trying to get rid of the Bible, so I'll read it last. What I'm going to save for optional than is cooking if I'm still awake.

My plan will be pretty much to work on my trades right after dinner and then go work out. After coming back, I plan on washing up and doing all of that jazz with exfoliating my skin and growing taller stretches. I will then lastly skim through the Bible with my super long and spiritually enriching commentary for three chapters. It's a lot of spending time because this guy's commentary I'm reading just goes off talking about millions of other topics and different verses just to elaborate on one verse. Man, it's a lot of reading so I'm just going to start skimming through it because I plan to finish it every year anyway. I'm going to try to stay awake as much as possible to skim through three chapters every day before I go to sleep. It will be like my bed time story but in a grown-up fashion. I knocked out so hard yesterday after reading the Bible.

Lastly, if I'm still able to miraculously stay awake, I might as well go for cooking and if I'm still awake after that then might as well binge on anime or something after I finish my other left over priorities on the table.

Making Adjustments

Last night, I ended up falling asleep at around 8 pm. I woke up at 4:30 am the next day. This isn't that bad considering how I slept so early to get plenty of sleep in! I'm not really feeling tired at all right now.

I think there's seriously something in my mom's food that just makes you sleepy after eating it in the evening. Or it could be just that I'm getting too old to still live with my parents and my body telling me that I'm a loser by just shutting down like that.

I'm perfectly fine with living my parents so far and I'm trying to find a way to break loose by becoming financially successful. I don't want to work for another company. I want to have so much independence and make a lot of money at the same time. I have so many different goals in mind.

It's the same old stuff that I'm dreaming about and having trouble put together on a consistent basis. It doesn't really matter because it's a huge risk to begin with.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Living Example

I might very well be one of those short people who are dispelling the myth that you can't find a hot girl to marry just from being short. I've found unattractive girls who were interested in me for a serious relationship and oh yeah, I did find a physically attractive girl who said she wanted a relationship with me. She was a Vietnamese girl who was coming onto me and I think she liked how I tried to be courteous to her and made her laugh from trying to do my best. It's so funny and I think she didn't know what I was getting myself into.

I didn't really like her though because she said she keeps on getting sick. I was like is that why she has a really thin body that looks hot? Okay, so I snubbed her and she got mad at me. Good times! I was crazy and bad and felt like I was spiraling downward and it just wasn't going my direction. I felt restless and anxious and worried about everything and that no one could help me. Man, those emotions sucked. I was just about the most insecure person that a nice person could get.

Flash forward 9 years later, I'm really comfortable being around girls. Sometimes I feel a little aggravated being around a hot girl just because she's taller than me! Man, I get moody underneath and it's like my pre-nervousness but I have so much boldness that I seem to forget about it and feel fine after like 30 seconds of clearing my mind of those thoughts.

There's a girl I've gotten to know really well and care for and she's very sweet to people she cares about. On top of that, she's also physically attractive and she enjoys working out and maintaining a lady-like figure. I'm sexually compatible with her and she said she loves me while showing those subtle signs of expressing intimate interests. It's a little alarming to me because she has an inactive boyfriend in her life that she wants to stay in a relationship with. It's funny and I can't take that away because it goes against my morals. She might just stay status quo with this guy. I don't know what to make of it yet, if I were to get in a relationship with her so I'm just cool with staying great friends with her for the rest of my life! It's basically what we have is something really special already and that it doesn't matter if stuff happens in life like she finally finds courage to marry this guy she jokes about sarcastically. I mean I'm going to find humor in the situation and be cool with whatever in the end because I figure when the right girl comes along with the right timing and all the stars aligning even if it never happens because I suck, I'm going to have a lot of sex in marriage with a crazy hot girl!

Limited Success

Well, after posting my to do list on Saturday. I survived in living in that manner. However, on Sunday I already failed to live up to it competently!

I'm surprised how I attempted everything that sucked on my list and even got most of those items off my list though. I did those dreadful growing taller stretches because it's designed for decompressing the spine and in hopes of adding little fluids to gain micro inches. I don't think people care about being 1 mm taller which is .0393 inches. Hey it works and I gained a 1/2 inch- from 5' 2.5 I became 5' 3 and was well passed my growing stage at age 27. I had nothing else going for me, so I was like let's try to gain some inches which I failed at doing.

Yeah, I'm short and tall red necks have told me that especially the guys. One Asian dude who was a jerk told me that I'm so short and that his girlfriend was shorter than me and so it doesn't matter in the end, while laughing at me! I even think about how my shots are going to get blocked all the time while playing basketball.

Anyhow, I'm a scary short dude because I held back statements while I was mad and approached people I was mad at. I told them I wanted something from them and just stayed quiet while continuing to talk and trying to push the envelope in the most subtle manner possible. I was so mad underneath that I was saying stuff to try to be nice, but it made the people I talked to even more mad at me and then they started saying I was scary to people they were discussing to about me behind my back. I don't really care though because all I have to do is just approach them and start talking with full-on honesty and then they look dumb. It's really that simple!

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Do List

I read a book written by the controversial founder of Scientology L. Ron Hubbard. The book I read was about reaching goals and targeting them. It made a lot of practical sense and brought to light some things that I want to use in my own practice. I don't really care if it's practicing Scientology because like a selfish person I am, I will take something that works else where and stick to my personal beliefs in Christianity! 

Anyway, I did a Wikipedia search on Mr. Hubbard and he came across as a total jerk during the later half of his life, which was when he started Scientology. I'm not endorsing that religion and think it didn't help close in and bring ultimate peace and satisfaction within his own soul. He still stayed human while physically abusing his girlfriends and cheating on them! 

Well, with him having been a prolific writer and having made money doing it and also being crowned by Guinness Book of World Records as the most published author thanks to his movement, I felt it would be interesting to read up on his view with reaching goals and surprisingly, it had nothing to do with religion. He also has views on how people function, communicate, and understand each other. With this guy who found a religion and was pretty successful at influencing others, I figure why not read up on this so-called technology he discovered and wanted to share with the world for some money. I guess if he wanted to stay rich with his $600 million assets that he would go on to make, then he would want to speak some truths in his books.

What threw me off a little and made me laugh was that with all the Asian cultures he studied, he really dissed them in his diary with racial slurs. Okay so maybe I gave him a little too much credit with his character and bought those books he wrote on communication. It seems to have some brainwashing techniques on there and I don't know why I bought into it. Probably because my friend was like buy it and I was thinking this guy with his interest in humanity, would want to leave something for us to pick up on.  

Anyhow, I loved that book he wrote up on targets and goals. It's really good despite me not at all aligning with the Scientology philosophy. So here's my basic do list and I will be trying to get more detailed using that Admin scale technique Hubbard wrote up on. 

My strategy so far is do the easy ones first and get the priorities out of the way for the day. The daily is something that I'm doing everyday. The ones that suck are the ones that I struggle with and know I need to do. The things with time is the one I will do if I'm in the mood for them. The rewards are the ones I will indulge myself in after completing at least the easy, priorities, daily sections, and having attempted to do all the things that suck for me. This is practicing by theory of course, so a lot of my thinking has been like that's my reward today! 

DO LIST

-easy-

hair appointment

buy gopro

buy garmin watch

buy season pass snowboarding

buy beach body workout dance dvd

buy car cover cleaner

cooking ingredients, cook books, recipes


prepare clothes

organize

sleep

mail

laundry



-sucks-

dentist appt

AAA insurance

car recall fix

car radio, cd stuck

grow taller / spray

work


-priority-

trade / Bible study

gym time switch off with climbing, upper body to lower body switch, basketball, run, swim, weights, routine

cook


DAILY

face wash

teeth

herbalife supplement take restore

blog

texting people

fantasy football

delete e-mails


TIME

trading videos

spiritual books


writing tablet app

recording mic / software

photo print, edit

buy gimbal support


app programming idea

find hot girlfriend to marry and she's into sex

planning books


REWARD

oc ice skating (Floyd)

guitar 
piano
sing
dance , setup TV with xbox 

poker

tv

friends, scheduling or attending events 

games

skateboard

sexual interests (?)

surf internet


FUTURE


car oil change, wash car, gas

hair apt

pay CC bills

Friday, December 1, 2017

Managing Time

Well yesterday it felt like I was going off into junk food mode in a spiritual manner. I did manage to read the Bible and tried to stay up for it. How I did that was I kept myself occupied with playing online poker and whenever I sat out of a hand I would study a verse. It managed to keep me up longer than I expected with my sleepiness.

Afterwards, I just went off surfing the Internet while being in a weird mood. I guess after having been through that it's like I know what I want that I'm seeking after but at the moment, I'm going about it all wrong. Then, it's forgive me God and time lost for my consequences. I could do so much better.

I think giving into some of my cravings is like eating and satisfying myself with junk food. In moderation and having the right spiritual context, I'm sure it would be all good, but it isn't really aligned with the Lord's ways right now for me.

It looks like as weird as it feels, I'm going to need to deny myself those time-consuming acts and go for having them fulfilled in the most pure and satisfying context. Basically, my level of patience isn't that good while having a decent head on my shoulders, which allows me to just phase out while being sucked into something that eats up my time!

I pretty much have a basic routine that I would love to follow through with on a daily basis. On top of that everything else would pretty much be my extra-curricular activities. I'm glad that I'm happy with what I'm putting on here isn't really revealing everything, but I've said much to myself already and satisfied.

I guess everything just adds up in the end by just pursuing after something. I'm a little mad thinking about Jarred at that old and lame Hope of God Church in LA. He was like things don't add up to me and basically saying to quit it. What a moron! I would really show him up these days. I don't really care though about having this moodiness with him because I still want him to be my Facebook friend even while I'm going through this personal episode of being mad at him from time to time.