Thursday, August 17, 2017

Becoming Stronger Mentally

From actually resisting my urges to look at porn, I'm now realizing how much more I'm able to stand things better with my friends. It's a lot of unspoken selfish issues underneath and it really can tick anyone off for whatever reason, but from just holding back and willing to be glad in an unselfish or loving manner, it's really helped me out in putting together my relationships with people.

I honestly don't really mind just being friends with hot girls. I happen to be friends with a few already, I guess. It's cool and I would probably feel a bit uncomfortable at the moment if they did come onto me to say the truth. I'm still developing as a person while I go and getting proper encouragement from these hot girls so it helps a lot that they are my friends. I'm actually really indifferent about the thought of getting into a relationship with them.

Planning Forward

I think I'm totally onto the whole trend line thing for trading any stock chart properly, along with using candlestick patterns for confirmation of a trend or support or resistance area to look out for. This method has been really sticking out for me. It's really adapting to any type of market situation. I guess I'm seriously going after the whole long term deal and not really looking at the charts so I'm setting up an acceptable profit level to go with my stop out.

This is starting to become a pretty fun thing to do for me and don't mind turning it into like a mindless routine with a whole bunch of complicated analysis to go with it in a few minutes each day. I'll be happy with making an income of just a million dollars a year. Yeah, people are like "Just?" How is that even imaginable while working underneath for someone?

I'm going for something that I'm sure everybody wants. It's making a good load of money while not having to really do anything. It's just the setting up part that is hard and can hurt sometimes. I guess if one truly goes after something he or she craves in the imagination and longs for it while willing to work hard for it naturally, then it's just a matter of like connecting the dots!

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Formulating Plans

Basically, my big three really has been working out, trying to study the Bible ultra fast everyday, and working on making profitable trades in a financial market. From looking at other opportunities out there, I'm not really interested in working under somebody with a normal 8 to 4:30 shift. I want to basically do my thing and I think I have the chance from being a programmer. I think the main reason I work under somebody right now is so I can save up and pay some bills and work at my craft of practicing to become a better investor that I have in mind of becoming. One of my pitfalls that I see as a blessing sometimes could also be a curse, so I don't know why I labeled it as a pitfall- I'm confused. Anyway, online poker has been something I have dabbled on for trying to earn a living while passing my time and working underneath anyone. Yet the only challenge that I seem to hate about poker is that it isn't easy to consistently make money while gambling with other great players. I have been finding myself in that predicament a lot with poker and it's like almost long hours too while sitting there and waiting for that big pot to arrive while conserving chips and taking small risks.

I guess overall because of the length of time that could be spent on it and walking away with nothing sometimes, I just don't like that feeling after having tried to play poker for years now and win at this game. On the flip side with doing stock investments, if I lose, at least I don't have to stare at the numbers crashing and if I'm going to fall then might as well go out big while partying with the millions I have left. Jokes aside, I think investing with a long term focus and not actively being at the charts like being that lame poker player I was at a table for long periods of time would be a better trade off for me.

I'm convinced that playing online poker in general while having nothing to do will mean that I've done really something bad to my time management and needs fixing. Hey if I win at online poker and having a run then I'm coming back and pretending that my time management needs fixing. After losing though, I definitely need a new make over with my time management. That is pretty much my trend and it's funny but true. From realizing that effect, I guess it's only made possible because of my confidence without needing to fap and use porn.

Planning Accordingly

Well, with a cool and attractive girl, I'm hanging out with her by flying together to go on cool and romantic hikes. It's all for fun and she's a friend. She's definitely a "girl" friend who I'm not dating. She doesn't have a boyfriend either and is like very career minded so I got a whole bunch of chances if I still wanted it. I'm just thinking positive for laughs. The thing though is that her friends thought once I was her boyfriend when I popped up on her Snapchat. I was like "I'm cool and honored to be thought of that way."

She's cool and hot I guess, but I'm just in the mind for hanging with her. It's fun to do that with common interests. I don't really feel that sexual with her though even with me not being gay. Maybe I have tastes for a different type of woman. I don't know, it felt like she was thinking about coming on to me a little but I've said no before in the past a few times with other two hot girls. People are like "Why?" I'm just very picky and didn't realize I had some game back then.

Staying On Track

Well, one of the good things I've noticed for myself is that my scheduling is always subject to adjustments and I move accordingly with it. Listing the things that I was going to accomplish yesterday, I didn't really finish it all and had to leave some that I deemed were excessive while it was getting late. I might have to move a little quicker to finish my tasks then to get the things I'm looking for out of the way for the day. I listed giving myself free time in the end, but became carried away for about thirty minutes that felt like an hour collaborating with a cute girl that I'm working with. Yeah, she's cool and my traveling companion. We go places together and hang out and it's like people haven't asked us if we're together or anything. I have been asked by people with girls I'm hanging with and isn't that hot but she just happens to look good.

Maybe it's something in their faces that give people the message that we're dating or not. I guess but maybe those girls like me and I look good hanging with them so it probably makes sense for people to think we're dating. With the girls that people think are hot, those people don't really ask if we're together. It could be out of skepticism from thinking about how short I am. It's an interesting dynamic though in contrast to hanging with a girl who is less attractive naturally but just happens to have put on make up and try to put on some good clothes and she actually looks good in some sense.

Humor With Imagination

I've been mad with people all this time because I've been trying to be nice approaching them and only for them to respond to me in a rude manner. It's funny now that I think of it and I'm laughing about it because I can use my imagination with how to deal with them realistically now in the future. What helps a whole bunch is that I've realized the situation isn't that serious and it escalated itself which is also funny now that I think of it.

I mean I'm mad about their rude behaviors and still get bothered by that to this day and it's something that I will also naturally have a hard time dealing with from others. Yet, the situation isn't that bad now, and I was just laughing to myself quietly how I could yell at them like a drill sergeant and influence a positive change with them.

Posting Something Gross

It looks like I'm making a natural effort now to stay away from masturbating to porn because it's all in my confidence with my sexual ability to pleasure my future spouse. It's really been just rooted in that all this time. I guess I was in a dreamy state because from avoiding masturbation and viewing stimulating material, I'm also naturally getting aroused and turned on by thinking about realistic situations with my close "girl" friends. After awhile, I'm like nah, there's a reason for me seeing her as a friend.

Anyway, that was natural I guess and it's funny to talk about on a blog so I don't mind the attention it brings for others who'll accept it as something normal for passing the time. I ended up practicing my technique while humping the bed though and that's pretty embarrassing to admit, but after that I was like, nah I'm not that in the mood for continuing. I didn't end up blowing my load after not having masturbated for weeks now. Yeah, it's just passing by easily for me. The longest I've gone without doing it has been 9 months.

From reading up on some health-related stuff, it looks like it's natural and healthy for the guy to experience hardening while sleeping. I even dreamed at least once that I was viewing porn and trying to keep myself from blowing my load. I succeeded by the way from doing my technique. I'm thinking one of these days I would be able to associate that good feeling without making it an accident if I wanted to. Again, nothing to truly boast about.

Considering Spending Time

Well, it looks like I had a lot of fun with my physical activities. I'm actually doing them by myself mainly and having tons of fun with it. It is technically working out while being around people and reserved about it. I'm also observing how people do things sometimes and trying to match them or outdo them while practicing by myself.

I don't really mind with basically not being good at the stuff I'm working at. It's healthy and fun and hopefully as an enthusiast, I'll make great use of it someday. If not, the attempts were worth it and it's better than nothing to me. It's also fun, so I don't really mind with looking like a loser and not that great. What I'm noticing for myself is that I'm reinforcing a behavior of practicing tons of repetition all by myself. I think putting that type of work into is really vital for success. I guess I'm working out while treating it as a hobby and I'm just reaping an active mind and staying energetic from it.

Managing Time

Seriously, I'm trying to make it happen now and put it all together without doing too much down time activities. A good thing that I have noticed is that right after working out and combining it with some Herbalife supplements, I'm gaining a lot of powerful energy and feeling really awake.

The key really is to burn calories from having fun and doing high intensity work outs. My protein intake is probably at its bare minimum right now because I'm favoring more cardio, but it looks like from trying to do muscle endurance workouts, I actually might need a bit more protein than I would from just focusing on muscle building to recover. It's actually a two edged sword because I can also take less from not doing heavy muscle building.

It really comes down to balance and knowing your body. I guess I'll just stick with somewhere in between and be happy with the trade off, so I'll just average the minimum and maximum recommended intake and try to reach there to keep it safe. I'm just a fitness enthusiast and not worried about competing with others to make a living. I have something else in mind for that.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Making Better Usage of Time

I'm getting cravings all the time like playing video games, viewing porn or trying to find a woman to marry and have sex with, work out, and do really cool stuff with friends. Right now, I'm just trying to make the most of it while commending Jesus as number one in my life.

I just have a lot of planning to accomplish and won't be easy but I hope it does me good in the end.

Trading Success

I've found out that using trend lines and candlestick patterns are assisting me tremendously with reading the market charts. I was able to target where I wanted to get out the market to set an acceptable risk to reward ratio.

I guess I'm just going to continuously keep on reviewing those two topics. It's a lot of reading and totals over 500 pages with many hours of video instructions. That's the only way I see myself getting better by just repeating myself with reviewing the material daily and practicing it.

With the Bible though, it's obviously a lot of pages so I think I can only afford to read a few chapters and try to study it daily. I'm using Dr. Vernon McGee's commentary of the Bible which reads more like a sermon on the verses. It really preaches a lot about stuff that's going on in this world and I really can sense the Holy Spirit was moving when they were written. Overall, it really does influence me and I don't really worry about it. I'm also open to looking at other reigning views or theories because obviously, God hasn't revealed everything to us in the Bible. It just doesn't get that easy, but still to get the blessing of the Word and live it out is amazing. I don't know how to explain it because I'm not really called to be a pastor, but just a hardworking layman.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Message for Betty

Out of all the girls who I felt fed up with in the past, with Betty I decidedly chose not to give her an ugly nickname. You know the show Ugly Betty ? Well, it seems like not fair for me to associate with that and get people laughing at me anyway. 

What Betty did normally gets me mad if others did the same thing. It took awhile to register everything and finally see it at a (mature) level. I can only hope, but yeah, I feel happy and not insanely mad from sending this message. It makes sense because from the start I'm trying to prove how Betty has mental problems!

Hey it's been like 10 years and I realize you have mental problems because you were being selfish about the whole thing. It's not a big deal and you were trying to force me to stay away from you. You didn't influence any major change or make my life better so I don't care what you stood for. It seriously looks bad on you though, but it doesn't matter.

I [name withheld] have the gift of mercy. My soul groans from the Holy Spirit to get along with you, but I have an oath to fulfill with God first before I attempt in person to reconcile again. I've been polishing my craft of writing and this is one way of revealing the true heart. 

I've been reading my past messages and they aren't that bad. It really does show a lot of my confidence and while trying to make you out as a dope though lol. A black girl with AT-ti-TuDDDeee shouldn't be any different to you, but a guy trying to mask his anger with control was scary to you. It makes sense because the guy is a guy and that dude was me. 

The stuff you do normally makes people like me mad and still does to this day, but I love getting along and that's more important to me. Besides, you didn't get much accomplished to help me so I don't care. It wasn't anything personal you did to me, but you are making it personal to yourself with me. It's not serious and you are being selfish about it which shows you got mental problems. I'm only saying because I don't really care and will still be friends with you and want to work at a relationship with you. A restraining order isn't even serious to me and Lee lost her case in the end, so she looks bad without having solved anything. I don't know why you would want to resort to that like she did but anything is possible and I'm prepared to address some modifications from turning more extroverted. I'm an ambivert. Was 70% introvert but switched it up to 70% extrovert from being bored and shy about addressing unimportant topics like these with people in general. 

Hopefully that convinces you to not act up with mental problems in a naturally emotional state. It's like using words to conduct an orchestra of emotions. It's fun to win and get personal agenda across. Naturally you do have mental problems from being selfish by saying you want me to stay away from you. The situation isn't that serious if you look at it. It only makes you look horrible and I'm aware of that. It wasn't personal with me that you made and you are saying to stay away. What more bad than that can it be for you and also not that important? I have gift of mercy and I don't really care that you didn't get much accomplished and have mental problems. I want to be your friend and that's pretty darn cool to me for appeasing my soul from the Holy Spirit causing it to groan so much. 

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Letting Go of Wasting Time

I'm figuring now that playing video games isn't really doing much for me anymore. No durr nor duhh, really? Playing games hasn't really done much for me except give my butt a reason to find some cushion for long hours and sitting on it! After that, my undisciplined mind sometimes wanted to finish off to some porno.

After beating my quest to win at porno, I have this confidence of a champion that when I'm feeling it for that sexual urge and fantasy, I'd rather go find a loving wife to do it with! If I ever find a loving wife in the future she's definitely going to be hot before I marry her at least. I don't know about after, but yeah, at least I will have tried to marry her while she looked hot to me.

So with that itching feeling of porno, I'm like ehh just like I told my manic depression symptoms and now they just like sit in the sidelines until I do something more stimulating like making money while I'm feeling bored! I'm a professional IT personnel and happy to be bonafide with it.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Optimizing Time Management

Basically, it's to not smoke weed all day and drink beer while wasting away precious money. Yes, I don't do those things. I don't think I've ever been awake enough to feel drunk. I just pass out while feeling really mellow.

I'm not someone who thinks drinking and feeling buzzed is so cool. I already feel that way because like I said, I might have or not have had bipolar disease. I definitely felt a whole lot of euphoria and major depression to the point of suicide from hearing voices in my head that said I was gay in the tenth grade! I had so much hormones going on for me and feeling so much pressure with trying to get into a great college and have fun playing video games without knowing what the heck I was doing!

I think at one point I tried suffocating myself hoping that would make the voices saying I was gay drown! It didn't work, but I took some miracle pills and it worked! I even forgot I had something like schizophrenia. It was probably a mixture of bipolar in it too. I mean I feel sad to recall that event for me and to talk about it. It does make people want to laugh though and yeah, it was a long time ago where those days felt too serious with everything just so elevated in a stressful playing field for me.

I'm just glad I got through it and it was like at it's initial and retarded stages for me, and the fact that I identified it and asked for help early and got it taken cared of, I feel so fortunate to not have to face that predicament anymore. It's really sad because one of my cool friends actually has schizophrenia and I can relate so much, but what sucks is that the cool person didn't report it early on and left it hanging thinking it was from a ghost or something. The person's voices inside the mind are like on their advanced stages, which proves the person is very bright to me but just distracted because of those debilitating voices. Comparatively, I remember how my own voices felt like I was listening to something real and was like someone shouting at me from a distance. It was like an echo and when I would turn, no one was there and I'd be like what the heck and this is so wrong and scary and that I'm sad for feeling this circumstance.

The great story I have is that I turned to prayer and on one of those crazy nights, I heard a vivid and assuring whisper, and it said that everything was going to be alright and then all the voices just backed down before firing back up again! I prayed for God to tell me everything was going to be alright and I got my answer. Even my mom read the Bible which was weird from feeling some sort of spiritual energy again and she said she stayed up all night to read it once and was going through it a second time. I was like "What?"

Well, after being fully healed of hearing those voices and completely forgetting about it to become a major butthead in my own way with my sister and a few weird friends, I turned to witnessing for Jesus. I didn't know what I was doing and it wasn't in my comfort zone, but I'm glad I put in the time to go after it. The fire has died down a lot for me, but I still believe in the Lord very heavily and try to study the Word and pray about my ordeals.

Basically prayer should be thanking God first in worship and then praying for someone and then thinking about how to be humble for myself in relation to this person being a jerk to me!

Making Best Out Of My Time

I guess currently I'm realizing that after generating traffic somehow from last week on this blog, now I've got nothing but pretty boring stuff to say to not really hold anybody's attention. There's really no value in it for them, but for myself mainly incidentally. I guess that's just how it's going to be.

The fact that I'm just writing- well, I'm realizing that people have mental problems because well people like to be selfish in general. That's all there is to it. I mean I was probably misdiagnosed with bipolar disease or maybe I had it. I think it was a mix with schizophrenia. Yeah, I heard voices that accused me of being gay. I thought it was like the end of the world for me and became super depressed. I got rid of those voices in my head in about three months and became on fire after that not too long after.

With my relationships with people who made me mad because I would normally get angry about the stuff they did to me, it took awhile to get over it without resorting to therapy. I felt like if I was to go to see a therapist, I would have tried to punch his lights out after hearing some recommendations. Anyway, it only took about ten years to finally feel that green light and lift it out of my system while laughing about the whole incident.

I'm still angry but at least I understand those people who made me mad over stuff I get mad about in general a lot better. It was personal with what they did to me, but for me onto them it wasn't that personal to be angry about. They even said they weren't angry and lying about it with me. They were just being selfish and because of it, they have mental problems over this incident and other stuff that's too annoying for them to deal with and block out of their heads.

If this is what makes me reasonably mad and I'm still willing to make peace with them and explain the situation in a wise manner now while generally laughing and communicating with them nothing but the truth while being comfortable with them, yeah, with this long sentence- yeah, it's a definite heck yeah that I know what I'm doing now and don't have to listen to a paranoid buddy about it anymore.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Moving Forward

I ended up buying some waterless car cleaning wax and took me only about 30 minutes to complete. The car does look shinier than before and I'm happy with the look. It's not perfect because I was trying to run through it fast, but the amount of effort I put into it isn't so fast.

I'm practically using a spray bottle so yeah it does include water to clean the car. I don't put that much of the solution in and I've had it for weeks so it lasts quite awhile. The second thing I'm doing is applying wax. After polishing the car with those two things, I'm rinsing it off with a dry towel and that's how my finish looks.

It's pretty cool actually. I guess I need to just move forward then and that's what it's about for me. Trading wise, yeah it's what I would love to make a living off of and something I see myself doing as a business. It's just playing a game to win money off of other people, mainly anybody participating in the game. Because of major players being banks and other large brokers, I guess I feel no shame in taking some of their money. I can turn that into a business and don't mind at all. I'm not sharing too much with what I know though because I don't want anybody to get into it.

With the free time it can afford and my style of preferring not to put that much effort into it, if it makes me pretty good dividends then I'll be happy with that. Making millions trading and doing stocks and different types of chart trading. I can make a living off of doing that and not spending that much time on it. I would love to do that.

I'm also grateful to have a decent skill with programming too. I guess I'm thankful to the Lord for where I've come and hopefully I'll be reaching financial freedom if not a millionaire in the near future. I'd like to contribute to God's kingdom as a giver and one who discerns principles. I don't have a calling to be a pastor or elder. I have way too much loose thinking with drinking alcohol which I don't believe in, but I can drink it socially so I don't want to throw people off because of that. I don't really mind hookah occasionally either because it isn't addictive, but still people can get wrong ideas. I also don't mind being friends who swear and do crazy stuff, which I don't believe in doing so that can also throw people off. On and on and on, I'm happy to be serving the Lord with loose accountability and in the closest. I prefer blending in and being like a spy in this world. If push comes to shove, I'll gladly give my life though if anyone says being a Christian requires the death penalty. I'm grateful for what Jesus has done for my heart. He's really changing me and inspiring me to be better!