Monday, July 6, 2015

No More Distractions

I'm realizing a lot of my intentions are really for vanity or slightly unimportant values, basically it's all in the name of fun. I guess I'm trying to rear myself into a more practical person.

It looks like I'm entering into a state of retention and development once again. I wish I was like at age 16 with the experiences that I have been going through, but there's not much I can do about that. I'm pretty much double that age now. If I can make the most of it now, then I think what counts is pretty much doing things that would please God more than myself.

Okay, I'm limiting more of those vanity rushes and going after pursuing some healthy and long term goals. I think having those helpless and negative emotions is really giving me so much more motivation to get out of them and work even more diligently and in a healthy manner. I think it's good to be under some stress and practice problem solving skills. I should be okay with where I'm going these days.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

How I'm Scary

If you me know me as a person and have placed a bad judgement on me in the past, it's a bad call. I'm scary in that when I'm really angry with someone, things can turn out very bad for him or her in the end. I realize that I have a passionate drive from being an angry doofus. Heck, I'm still running around a little smart while being that way.

I used to feel bad like I had an unfair advantage over others because of it. Not anymore, man. It's all because even while I'm running wild like a carefree stallion and stampeding over little babies (people around my age), I know that my anger has a purpose. It's about being positive! Uh oh, because I'm going to be happy and make you look bad while others will be like what the heck? In the same process, they will go this guy (me) likes to be a nice guy but don't want him mad. No no, not a good idea.

What also makes me scary is that I'm personally laughing about how short I am as a person compared to others who are taller than me. When I mention that, people don't respond to that statement very well. It's like they are in disbelief!

I guess I like the stereotypical very hot and ultra nice, light-colored, Korean girl around my age and madly in love with me. Hahahaha! She's also not that tall too as a person. So stereotypical for a guy like me. No wonder, why I don't have that going for me because I can't seem to find her nor interact with her that well. Maybe the girls on TV like to wear so much makeup that I want to go blah at the toilet bowl if I ever see her true physical beauty. I want this girl to even be a dedicated Christian which makes it even ten times harder than what I originally have a longing for.

I think overall, this person would contribute to bringing everybody around me a peace of mind and satisfaction in benefiting out of it. I'm just saying... In the meantime, it's just meet and greet and moving on if there's nothing to really gain out of it and using those longing feelings to get something good out of it through hard work and patience. It's pretty much a mind trap when you are boggled down with sad feelings; there's no need to linger there no matter what you have going.


It's not that big of a deal to be the ultimate geek with playing Magic: the Gathering for me. It's not even that big of a deal for me to be friends with everybody in the world and getting anybody I can get in contact with to unblock me as a friend on Facebook and then add me as a friend on Facebook over and over again.

It's all vanity, period! My important goals that I want to do is have a relationship with God and become a millionaire with a six pack. Yeah, with no need to be defensive yeah, those guys who blocked me on Facebook seriously should go check in with a counselor because when I'm on a rampage, yeah, they are really going to need take it up. They say they were scared in the past, but I give them something to be really scared about and it's threatening them that they will end up in a psychiatric ward!

They pretty much are going to go cuckoo for cocoa puffs in wanting me to leave them alone! I will state that being admitted into the asylum is an excellent way to meet new people and have someone look over you 24-7 because they will be peering at you through a stainless glass that you can't break out of! In other words, their minds will be so warped from doing lobotomies that with the early onset of forced Alzheimer's disease, they won't even know that I was bugging them in the first place.

I JUST WANT TO BE THEIR FRIENDS!!! THEY ARE MAKING IT HARD ON THEMSELVES, NOT ME. I'm used to all of that gibberish talk and laughing at them while making them look like low-class fools. It's something I was born with and accept very happily and mightily.

Running Emotions With Patience Involved

This is something that's now coming to my attention. With these sad feelings of wanting to do something, it's easy for guys to just go kill something! I don't literally mean taking away a life; I mean like doing something stupid to momentarily distract ourselves. It's like ruining the mood of someone else's party by crashing there and then making everybody angry with you.

Doing what I just described is the short cut to being a big time jerk and letting loose momentarily before allowing those lonely and depressing feelings to kick in, which makes you want to go binge on some more stupidity. I'm being pretty honest here, even though I'm laughing my knockers off. I found out the solution to all of this madness. Note how I'm making this part of the paragraph bold.

The answer is: patience.


Was I just going to leave you hanging there? No, I'll explain. By letting those feelings want to come around and kick our butts, it's better to just work hard for obtaining something that we want. It could be working out or making ourselves a better person even. I went out of my way and messaged a dumb guy with diabetes and said I want to be his friend and made fun of him. Yeah, something like that. I hit on this girl on Facebook for laughs even though she's way too much older for my taste and made fun of some of her friends by trying to make her laugh in the process. It's about trying to be positive!

Being patient just makes you so much more desperate and makes you want to be more smarter in how you conduct yourself. In a way, it makes you behave like a good boy or girl. I say that by having those running emotions that make you want to go shout at somebody or encourage a potty mouth, it's better to just let those emotions remind you and drive you on with the priorities that you want to accomplish in your life with proper time management.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Future Plans

I literally see myself earning a lot of money from using the online world now. I don't envision myself running a website and trying to hustle people by selling products to provide some type of service like that. I prefer to be more of an investor, which is actually more riskier and has a lot more involved. I guess that's just how I've been rearing myself to go into.

I'm now seeing an opportunity with online poker. From playing all these years, it's not really that bad but just requires a lot of patience to become pretty good at it. Comparing to how people like to gamble in that game, it's just going to hit you occasionally with some crazy swings and not make you very profitable. The way I see it is that by using those user compensation points from playing at a normal casino level and being able to break even along with all those hours will contribute to income in the end.

I also plan on continuing to trade and go into later just investing my money. How I play with stocks and invest or play poker is making sure that I have a lot of wiggle room and exercising the utmost patience. It's easy to just want to go for big each time and make so much money at one time. It's not a very wise thing to do, and my best friend just doesn't seem to get it. He will invest most of his savings into something he really likes and hope it makes him happy later on.

The way I'm doing it is that I'm setting aside certain amount of funds that I'm comfortable with and then risking only 1% at a time. It seems to be better at keeping you in the game longer and giving you some valuable experience to work off of. If I end up doubling my money with that arrangement, then I know that I can put in more of my money and have a higher chance of making bigger gains. It also becomes a safer and much more comfortable route to get into.

Anyways, along with using the Internet to make myself a millionaire all in the name of enjoyment, I'm planning on continuing to stick with the Bible and working out at a gym. If I become a millionaire from what I have been doing someday then it's going to be a total game changer for me. I will have a lot more wiggle room to learn new things and travel around the world while contributing a good amount of cash to wonderful charities!

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Positive and Negative Energy

I'm now having a more fuller grasp of why I feel so out of control now. I understand that it's really basically about goal setting with the things I went to do and then sometimes not feeling so about going after them. It's more like my best friend would say is being in between everything. The emotion does not feel great and can lead a person to definitely a crazy or unwanted route. It's like setting yourself up for a vulnerable attack.

I think the important thing is to just be able to recognize it and then let it settle in as a part of you. I normally have a horrible action attached to those emotions, but I figure why settle for second best when you can go straight for the gold! "It's so hard, " says my best pal. I really hate it when he says that. I'm going to tell him that when I hear him say that again, I'm going to take two weeks off from him. He's sort of a loner and likes to be accommodating from enjoying company, so he'll change his ways fortunately if I do that to him. He's also going to be laughing about his mistake I pointed out to him for those two weeks. I also get to space myself out a little and chase after some cute girl, so in a way, it's a win-win situation for me!

The art of being so good with obtaining something has a lot to do with awesome time management. I'm noticing that for myself because I've been acing my grad school courses by getting 100% on one course and 99.9% on the other. I also finished my final paper early and it feels like I've had so much time to pass. I really enjoy that feeling and would like to continue that journey on my way to getting something going. In a nutshell, from reading on some jerk's site, the jerk really has a point in that you can keep away from your normal addictions while feeling negative and be more desperate and hard-working for obtaining a goal that you want to achieve. I'm also going to do that, not that I have many interests with being a jerk. I'm like that to a few people I want to be pushovers with, but I'm realizing being a psycho to them is about getting something positive out of it, so why not to begin with?

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Goals To Share

My ultimate goal is to practically obtain a six pack and become a millionaire.

I'm setting aside my daily life for Bible worship, working out, playing poker and doing day trades, and trying to manage my hair loss! Along with that, I'm focusing on personal side projects whenever I can commit myself to not being distracted from being angry about people in my past. Anyway, I'm pretty happy overall as a person so far.

The person is practically an idiot if he or she gets me mad and that's how I feel now. I guess I'm living up to jokes and honesty for the most part with interpersonal relationships.

Reaching Strong Goals

I'm simplifying it again. My biggest weakness is getting carried away emotionally. I can be taken back by feeling negative emotions and then doing crazy stuff because of it. I don't look to drugs nor alcohol as an outlet, but mainly it seems like those feelings come from how I perceive myself in this physical world and from not having the desires that I want. It's practically an age old question that I never seriously tried to address for myself.

From making some progress these days, I have a primary church that I go to be fed the Word and to have great fellowship with everyone. I might join in a secondary church to just go socialize with doing some religious, Christian activity that nobody really wants to do like witnessing to people on the street and messing around with other believers and maybe pick up a beautiful and loving wife. I guess I can go for that then and I think it makes sense even though my reasons might offend some people at the secondary churches. What can I do really, I can't help it?

There's really nothing for me at the church with the former restraining order girl, except for faces that I want to seduce for my own glory! I'll be seriously messing around with them and act like I'm tossing things around and kicking stuff and pretending to be a drunkard who doesn't care about what's going on in the world. I'll probably start acting that way and yelling at the preacher there too. It sounds like a fun deal, just that I made a promise to them that I have to keep. In other words, I'm limiting myself to stalking them by focusing on a more important goal I have in mind.

I guess I have to start asking this question when I see a Korean girl who attends a church and I know that she's not really dating anyone or even if she is, I have to ask this question to myself and take my time with addressing it, "Can I single her out and be someone I can love for the rest of my life?" In other words, I need to ask myself if her inner qualities are attractive to me. I guess that will do a lot of filtering for me then in finding the right person. I try hard sometimes and I don't know how well I'm doing but looking back, yeah, I could have been pretty successful with landing a cute wife, even though I didn't know she was that good looking at the time.

Happy Father's Day

Well hello there! I'm thinking about online dating. The most common response for a man when he tries to message a pretty girl is getting back nothing!

The Bible says to abide in the Father by adhering faithfully to the Word. This includes reading the Bible and obeying the Word to stay in constant fellowship, thanks to our forgiveness which comes from believing upon Jesus. A Bible verse says to ask and that you shall receive. Another says to knock and that the door will be opened. In other words, it's going to happen eventually anyways if you keep on asking and knocking! Why not stay steadfast in the Lord while doing that to obtain your needs?

What I'm saying is that I think the most effective way is to sort of be smart about it and sort of get enough information with what the girl likes and if you see a godly future with her and maybe you can pick her above everyone else then ask her out! A common response will be I'm too busy. I have got this a lot too, "Let me think about it" from pursuing her a little further. This is considering that you are doing this in person with the woman. When it comes to online dating, expect to not get back a response but at least you tried and didn't get your heart broken. Actually, I have a friend who feels like his heart is already broken when stuff like that happens. Umm, it's bad for your ego if you are a guy but who knows really? Maybe the match that you end up loving will be someone you never expected in the first place. I think the most important quality is never giving up and settling for a positive outcome no matter what you did in the past. I was psychotic, weird, oblivious, offensive, and a stalker to some people in the past. I didn't really like the people that much with whom I did that too. With the girl I like, I just practically leave her alone. See the difference already?

Actually, I haven't found a girl who has swept me off my feet for the longest time. I think my strongest crush in high school felt scandalous for me because she was a white girl! She's my good friend on Facebook now, so not a bad constellation prize. I also had a crush on this Korean girl, but really hated her personality so I bailed on out of there. She's also my friend on Facebook too. Both of those attractive ladies added me first, so haha I get the last laugh!


Friday, June 19, 2015

Summing Up My Intentions With Former Restraining Order Girl

This one is pretty much the last batch of my crazy e-mails. I have been getting kick out of them so much, and Lee hasn't responded by trying to get me kicked off the site nor has she continued any further activity. I pretty much owned her in one area of her life while using words as a weapon.

I even went psychotic with her in real life for one time. It wasn't physical abuse nor emotional abuse nor any in between. That's how smart I am man. I made an impact after like five years of lying in wait and hiding out in the wilderness of some sort. It's not a good idea to put a restraining order on someone, who you don't really understand too well and while feeling like you can't stand the person being around you anymore. That's the lesson I learned from someone doing that to me. I know someone and I have been dealing with him by actually being witty and fair too, like I would add him as a friend if he ever wanted me on a social media site. I just plain don't care what people think, if I did. Like in South Park, was it Kyle or Stan? Either one of them accepted an outcast on Facebook and he was the loner's only friend. The outcast ended up making other people uncomfortable from the friendship, so Kyle or Stan started losing friends much to his annoyance. Like that, I still wouldn't care and be up in everybody's faces and probably influence a lot of people to enter into some professional counseling.

This one is titled "Re: ". Okay, it's a response to how I said I would leave her alone if she said stop. This message can be very scary, if you have something against me so be warned. I mean, why would you even read my blog if you had something against me? I was sort of breaking the fourth wall. Is that what they say? No, this is real life.

That's actually wrong. If you tell me to stop bugging you, it's a lie. I'm still going to bother the heck out of you. Go for another restraining order then because this time I'm going to make fun of you in court at the hearing and live it out like it's going to be my last day ever seeing your idiotic self near my face! 

I'm not violating a restraining order. That's no lie, I did it to your for your stupid personality. 

I actually want Chai to add me as a buddy on g-mail so I can hound him with bothersome messages.

I want you to add me as a friend on Facebook, so I just have bragging rights. I don't need to comment on your boring and stupid and weird comments just from feeling that way because you will always put me in that mood. 

If you are too uncomfortable and Chai is willing to negotiate our thing, it's way too important than having a Facebook relationship with you. You are too ugly in general in the person for anyone to be around anyway. I don't care what others think or say about you. It's never going to be 1 million people who feel that way about you. You are a loser! So add me again, loser, she who is a bad judge of character. Why did you add me in the beginning then stupid? You are going to deny it or say that's irrelevant? Then why did you add me as a friend on Facebook and end up blocking me. You have a bad judge of character. I want you as a friend, so I know you are bothered. Plain simple!

Dangerous Plan For Girl With Former Restraining Order

This message is crazy and going to have your head spinning, but the insults are really well woven to decrease Lee's sense of worth. It really strengthens my resolve to lower her social status to like a Class D from Class C-. Something tells me that Lee is sort of feeling wish washy about sticking around that church, or that maybe she's gone for longer periods of time now. I think she's always going to visit from feeling like it's a place of home. I pretty much crippled her imaginatively speaking in a way like how it turned out with Jacob wrestling God. I messed with her wishbone because she made me so angry basically. I don't think she's going to be walking this world feeling the same way, but I think she could revert back to a status that's designed to scare me practically. Yeah, she and everybody siding with her and are against me lost.

This one is titled "My True Plans".

Are you reading this? It's not going to do you any good because you are going to be helpless. It only takes me a minute to write this. I'm planning on disrupting the service by harassing Chai before he goes to speak and maybe before worshiping begins and then leaving before the cops arrive. If the cops are there beforehand, I'm not interacting with them and just leaving. No attempt needed, my job is finished for the week until you guys don't exist anymore! Reason is I'll be bored having to wait that long. 

Let Chai know that he has something coming and let Golf know too. If someone else besides them is the senior pastor, I have no business being there and don't care to pursue the relationship of me bullying them around on g-mail! Same goes for you too, if you aren't at the church, I'll do the same for you. You can go for a second restraining order. That's sort of what I want so I can make fun of you in court and laugh about it while feeling like you are a helpless little girl.

These are all happening if I can become a self-made millionaire and a obtain a six-pack. Yeah, there's enough reasoning for you to have a hidden crush on me. I'm smart enough to figure that out. Also my two profile pics on yelp are pretty cute, and I know that you would feel that way.

Very Nasty Message To Girl With Former Restraining Order

This message is delivered so cut, clean, and heartless. It really makes sense too.

This one is titled "Trespassing Laws".

Put up a sign saying no trespassing. A church that has that sign? Hmm, that's funny to begin with and so weird. Why should a person go that church in the first place? I won't bother to go in. 

Secondly, get the church out of debt and signed in some owner's name. The owner says no, I can't go in. Wow, that's so funny. A church doesn't want me to be there. It's also pretty weird for like the whole world to go there anyway. I won't go in then. 

There's two ways. I read the law. I'm not breaking and entering by showing up during the Service hours sign. You guys are so stupid and ignorant to the law to begin with. I guess I'll be yelling out your absurdities with the law when I show up someday, unless you guys move out and go to another location. That's funny too. 

You are so stupid for not being able to extend the restraining order. I think that's all there is for you in going after a repeat. I don't care. I'll voluntarily drop off the address and give it to the police and tell them that I told you guys that I gave it voluntarily and that I'll be waiting for the trial date so I can still make fun of everyone there and start laughing the whole time. 

It was never serious to begin with and it will always be that way.

More Obscene Messages To Girl With Former Restraining Order

This one was titled "Suck It!" Yeah I know, Degeneration X was very degenerative indeed and such a negative influence.

You are an ignoranus. You can force me to abide, but you never shall have my heart. It was never serious to begin with and that will haunt you forever!

 These are angry messages man. They are not weak; they just go straight for penetrating the target while making me laugh and for others too. I become a pretty smart guy for some reason when I'm so mad and you have given me enough time to prepare.

This one is titled, "Hi Miss Idiot!"

How's it going idiot? You can't tell that I mean you know harm and that I was absolutely ticked off with you. You are stupid because I'm good at hiding behind my words. You couldn't even tell that this doesn't really mean anything and is not a big deal. It never was. You are a very stupid individual and I don't care now how bothered you get!

Letter to Girl With Former Restraining Order (1st One)

I'm reading my messages I sent to Lee (the girl with former court R.O.) and laughing hysterically. I'm going to share it with the whole wide world on this blog. I think this is the time for people to like disengage and demote this site with a nasty reputation because I'm not slandering her. I'm just making her look stupid in writing and shutting down her online activities.

This is how the message goes word for word. I didn't know that I can be very funny and witty while being angry and obsessed about something. It looks like I have an angry tone that's just very snappy and stuns you.  

Dated a month ago:

A girl with former restraining order adds me back on Facebook. How does that sound? It sounds good with a nice ring to it, while you look even more stupid. 

I don't care what your issues are now. I can even show how to keep my messages from popping up while keeping me as a Facebook friend. Want me to bother your people at the church? It's all because of your stupidity!  You couldn't even extend the restraining order. Go for another one, then! Do it, I'll make you and while you are so agitated and frustrated and living out your moment, I'll live out mine. You going to have a baby? That's fine, have fun introducing more sin into the world. 

You are very stupid, and I don't care now what problems you have with me. They are not my concern- they are yours. Go see a professional therapist to manage your feelings that annoy you so much! Please don't leave Hope of God LA unless you guys switch locations. I'm cool with that because the place you guys are at reek like no yesterday with other traditional, Catholic churches that don't know you guys exist.

My Psychotic Plans

I'm a weird person who laughs about how short and crazy I am to unsuspecting people. I am also laughing at how silly I look as a person, too. Actually not, I look pretty intimidating and border line psycho path. I can actually switch it back and forth, depending on my mood. I think all of that is funny to talk about.

I used to worry about the cops being on my tail. Not anymore, I don't want them to pull me over for speeding in my mustang convertible. That's about it! I'm still moody and it really picks up my confidence level with successfully being a meanie to my friends who put a restraining order on me. Notice how I said the word, friends. Oh really? Yes, I plan on being a super mean friend to them. Notice how I used the word friend again. They are a bunch of idiots that I don't mind putting another of those restraining orders on me again. I'll go stalk them for all I care and be like nah, she's not worth it and then leave while in the motion. I want to be like the most annoying person in the world that people can laugh about at my victims' expense.

Yes, I find that to be extremely comforting and pleasing and making me very happy and proud of my life. Okay, I just have that confidence to screw over people now and forcing them to be my friends, whether they like it or not. If I was the girl, I would leave the church because then I win. Either way, she lost. I won even with a default restraining order on me saying that she gets three years because I didn't challenge it. How? I'm happy I didn't get to see her ugly face for all those years and had encouragement to find something better. If I show up to where she's at which is at that church, I am totally kicking their tails when it comes to legal issues and also forcing them to be highly generous people with me. If she leaves, then her purpose of getting a restraining order becomes ineffective and something I get to show off about.

My haunch is usually right or wrong and goes against me when I feel it won't. When I feel something is right, it doesn't go that way. It's hard to gauge what I feel about the girl because either direction is both good for me. It's pretty much a landslide victory already. I'm living the way I want to live even right now and actually pretty happy about it, so it can't be that bad for me already. It's like any action the person does to try to offend me, it doesn't work because I have something better up my sleeve. For all responses, it's going to turn out good for me. The only thing that they can do to try to make my life difficult in all that massive bubbliness and positivity is making me take the hardest and longest path. That's pretty much their only logical direction for them to go. It's like playing a game and delaying their loss, while hoping something will turn around and give them fortune again. That's how I see life in dealing with drama and I'm so good at making myself happy over being successful in managing it.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Reason Why I Turn Cuckoo

It's mainly one reason: from being mad. I can finally justify that's the reason why I have been crazy all these years. The reason why I haven't gone to jail for killing someone or being disruptive in public is because my subconscious likes to be positive. If I don't have that peacefulness underneath my core then I get depressed and feel lost. From taking a personality test, it's something I was just born with.

I was just born with wanting to be nice and also having great relationships with everybody. This isn't how the real world is. Some want to just do selfish things because maybe they think there's really no other option or just think it's something to feel proud about accomplishing. I'm now noticing that my brain likes to think about stuff that I have been struggling with while working on things that I'm not too fond of. It must be some sort of defense mechanism to keep myself from becoming too bored.

When I go crazy with someone, underneath I still want them to be friends with me even if I'm going to force it upon them. I'm starting to believe that it doesn't matter how much of psycho I am to someone who can't stand me because I'm about wanting them to do something positive by making me happy. If they can't do that and would feel like dying or something if they went with my plan of just being casual friends who meet up once in a blue moon, then they seriously need some professional counseling.

I really understand that it's not really about centering on the problem, but understanding the bigger picture. I want something positive to result out of the moment, so that's why I have been ticking the way I have been. Overall, it's a lot of hard work that I'm starting to understand and enjoy more often than not.

Ambitious Goals

Well, I'm on a Christian dating site now. I'm trying to see if there's really anyone I'm interested in feeling the same way for me. I guess that's pretty hard and going to take a long time, wherever I decide to go, oh well.

In the meantime, I'll put in all the effort I can as best as possible. I don't really care about messing up, being rejected, or being around a lot of nonsense. I'm actually quite used to it for being a not so good looking fellow and short too. I'm just going to walk with a air of confidence and positiveness, wherever I go now. If I get angry or turn into a psycho, it's because I want to be positive in the end which no one is going to understand me for anyway.

 Okay, so I want to have constant fellowship with God, while being obedient to His ways and be a rather productive fellow doing the things that I enjoy. Right now I'm thinking about how having a wife could solely benefit me for only one purpose. Maybe there's actually more to it and I'm starting to feel less uncomfortable about dating taller women, the more I work out and physically stronger I feel. It must be that strong hormone that relaxes my body after giving myself a nice and hard workout.

I'm going to try to work out twice a day then and keep it just moderate and not super hard. I just like the feeling of struggling with something and then finishing it through, rather I fail excessively or not. I'll just pick myself back up and try again the next day. I don't really mind everything now that I think of it. I think the main trick is pretty much just looking at yourself from a third-person perspective and visualizing what you are about to do and distancing yourself from the now part and looking at it for the future. I think that's the trick for managing time better and not regretting situations.