Thursday, December 8, 2016


I think I'm going to lay off of poker now for being a serious consideration of making money. It is pretty much a gamble to a degree and I don't really like being that close to having made it and then ending up losing in the end. It's exciting indeed so I'll have to put it aside and treat it as a hobby.

Because of my long work hour schedule, I don't think I can afford to do too many hobbies now. I did manage to read the Bible after I got up while having slept a long time today. I guess that's really a good thing.

Pretty much I'm looking at working out, trading, reading the Bible, focusing on video game development, socializing, and creating future plans. I believe that I am meant to be a coder, so might as well go after what I've sort of longed for and feel a pretty good passion for even though it might be really hard for me.

I'll have to see if I can add room for a Master's later on, but I sort of doubt it at this point in time. Exercising is pretty much a routine for me now. It's just going to the gym, doing rock climbing or bowling. Along with doing video game development, I want to try out cyber-security on the side now so I'll look into that as well.

For fun, I'm still trying to add in playing the electric guitar and singing and dancing. I might not have that much time for it, so I'll probably just do one quick one. I need to become more consistent with brushing my teeth when I get home and putting on some rogaine before I go to sleep. I also would like to take my supplement that will help me become loss sore in the morning. I think I'll just brush my teeth anyway and go with the night feeling a little hungry, or I think I'll just make myself another small protein shake before I go to sleep.

I need to start being more disciplined again and keep it as a routine for me.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Future Plans

I'm working two jobs right now and they suck and not up my alley. However, I can't do anything about it and have to go for earning money. In the meantime, I could try to do the best I can with a few minutes to spare in trading currency and playing poker for profit. With both of them, I'm not really spending that much time on them, but I can see them both being very effective for me if I start making some explosive gains.

For a career, I'd like to make myself be a I.T. project manager with a specialty in programming. My other endeavor will pretty much be cyber-security which is exciting and it will about doing competitions for possible prize money.

That's pretty much how I had to vent what I want out of my career now. For personal stuff, yeah I definitely want to commit myself to a good girl now who is loving and compatible with me. I'm finding out that it requires a certain degree of patience to keep yourself from acting out all weird with a girl whether in person or texting her. It's worked out really well and I'm glad I learned that patience is my primary key to solving personal issues.

Reading the Bible is definitely going to be a good thing for me and I want to keep up with it. Playing the electric guitar and sticking to playing the piano while singing would be just phenomenal. Learning a few good dance songs would also be great. Working out, bowling, and indoor rock climbing as well. A lot of these things are really good and I look forward to trying to make all of this work out while limiting my own personal entertainment now for the time being until I can get rid of my busy jobs and replace them with a more productive and less time consuming occupation. I also want to cook and grow back some of my hair too.

Planning Life

This time around I am seriously about to make room for a girlfriend/fiancee in my life now. I get the whole dating scene better and don't really give a rat's poop if my advances get rejected. I'll just analyze and see if my chances are okay. The thing that I've struggled a lot with is if a girl I like is already in a relationship with someone or she's just not ready to be in one. It might be just about anyone whose gone through it.

I think the solution is to just continue building confidence and working on improving yourself. It's to also look for places where the grass is greener. When the opportunity knocks, I guess it's going to be a decision made from the heart then. I've been pretty numbed out emotionally with finding love, but I still get excited about the opportunity and happy with feelings of disappointment, loneliness, and sadness as well.

I See Where I Belong Now

Volunteering wise for no money, I can see myself operating on a person to save his or her life. It would be awesome to obtain this type of training and background from a very reputable source. It would probably take me years of training and also a lot of money to get it done. I just might do so if I have nothing to do in particular and I'm just well off in life. I'll also look into building combat robots too.

I think one of my obsessions that I need to learn to control to be successful in life is to understand how to manage my drive to be great at making money off playing poker and winning tournaments at MTG. I may just have to start trying different learning resources with a lot of trial and error to see if I can still wing out my unlucky periods and come up on top. It's just fun that way and wears me out constantly at the same time. I don't think I can turn these two hobbies of mine into a profession. I'm just going to have to be on the look out for how much I put my time into it and go for limiting them without getting to involved with them and later regretting my situation I've built myself up to be put into.

This time around, I would like to go for my own destiny and build myself in the direction, along with the Lord's help and inspiration, to go for not regretting what I did in the past and learning to put myself in a happier direction.

Spending Time Wisely

Again, I really want to spend my time so wisely that I can get everything that I want out of life while being satisfied and also be able to spend time with a girlfriend now. I'm ready to include her in now and even go for making her my wife.

Being short, I've thought about it a lot of moments in my life. Even though I've been pained through it, from just working out, it's actually made my life a whole lot better. Basically, one advice I have for short people who struggle with being confident about their own image from their appearance is to just work out and go for like a six pack.

From just being athletic, it puts you a little further out ahead of the pack and can land you a beautiful spouse if you work on your personality as well.

Being Productive

Okay, I might need to lay off on entertaining myself now as best as possible and go after just a clean and healthy mess of doing what I'm satisfied with doing. I want to go after some very clean time management.

So just listing it out again, I want to read the Bible, trade Forex for profit, work out, do some bowling, indoor rock climbing, learn to play electric guitar, play some piano, sing and dance, cook, and grow back some of my hair! I also want to get into making video games, so I feel that virtual reality games will be just so fun to mess with to make it more interesting for me. I don't care if my game is going to suck while hooking it up to a VR machine. I'll improve upon it later or look for some talent to help me out once I can get the kinks moving with it.

Later on if I'm like a millionaire and have so much free time even with a gorgeous wife and beautiful children, I'd like to learn some of that physician's trade and also some engineering technology that would allow me to be build a combat robot from scratch.

With technology wise in the IT field, I'd like to go for doing some hacking competitions as well and form and train a nice team someday. I'll make it happen. I just have to get out of my current jobs which is sucking the life out of me and making me work long hours.

Back To Trying Again

Well, I really shouldn't be playing video games while knowing that's going to be making me feel guilty. I really shouldn't be going for watching any T.V. either if possible. I think I really need to be more informed about this world is going. I should just optimize my situation to put myself in a better situation mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.

There's really nothing fancy with my writing. It's just plain forward and nowadays, trying to find a purpose.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Trying To Do Things On Time

I think one of the biggest keys for me is not lose track of my time and get carried away with the fun stuff I do during my own lonely personal time. Basically, I'm just gluing myself onto the T.V. for like two hours sometimes and it totally makes me regret the lost time. It happens to me quite a lot. Since I'm feeling guilty over letting myself go like that, then I guess it means I have bigger priorities that I want to set myself to do but I just can't because I want to chicken out from the stressful feelings of taking on responsibility.

I also feel empty at times too and not in the mood so it just makes it twice as harder to get things done sometimes around. I can also let my mind move slow too so I can try to be collective. These are a few of my weaknesses that I'm trying to deal with. Yet with the time winding down after procrastinating, it's like I'm on the move again. I would rather be on the move often and have so much time to myself that I'm worrying about not knowing what to do with all this time. I think that's a healthy worry for me that I would always like.

Cool Honored

I'm actually going for typing something on here everyday now if I can. I want to be up to date. Just think of it. Anything that I could write on here whether it be good or bad, minus a few unmentionables that I will never go across the boundary to reveal. I'm not going to be that crazy because I'm not that up for the consequences.

So I'm about reading the Bible, exercise, trading, dancing, playing the guitar and piano, singing, blogging on here for a little bit, bowling, indoor rock climbing, and making video games. It's looks like I'm trying to make room for a girlfriend or financee now. I think it's about time that I finally had a serious relationship and see how well I can do.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Soul Searching

I think I seriously need a genuinely good routine now. As hard as it is, it's really hard to let go of the past which includes stupid Lee. I know I might not be sounding so mature talking about her in that way. It's pretty much just logically speaking a moniker I invented.

These anger issues of mine were only exaggerated because I let them foster while I was in misery. I should have just talked straight forward and let myself just take the embarrassment for revealing my feelings with these people. I was just too afraid to speak up because I didn't want to be seen as a bad person. It just doesn't matter when people are mad. They are totally blind and will try to find a certain direction that could lead them into shame and regret later on.

I have so many fragmented thoughts from almost just entering almost dream world. With this creative world that my mind is inventing, I can actually recall quite a bit of them which is oddly interesting because I'm still awake while my whole-self is trying to sleep. I'm basically keeping my eyes while sleeping and trying to do that. By doing so, I can also perform some basic functions if I had to while sleeping. I'm not sure if this is even possible.

Well, I'll be working at it I suppose and do the best I can. To keep going at it.

Thinking Of Ideas To Try

I'm no longer looking for trying to be a crazy troublemaker as I used to be with stupid Lee. Stupid Lee was so stupid that she took a restraining order and tried to put her friends on it to get protection from me. Stupid Lee was denied it and when she said that I was following her around, I didn't get to tell the judge that she was talking to me about the arrangement and being really mean about it. Instead of complaining like that to judge, I should have just yelled at stupid Lee to break her stupid habit of thinking stupid thoughts about me being a bad person.

It is what it is now in that I'm starting to make sense and talking funny about this whole thing. The bad part of all this is that it's actually truthful that I'm saying. I really think stupid Lee is stupid and it's my personal opinion of the subject matter and I have my own statements to back it up.

Yeah, I'm turning stupid Lee into partially the butt of all my jokes. After talking all this about stupid Lee, I actually have the nerve to still want her as a Facebook friend only to block her access to my page while we're friends on that site? It's sort of pointless and that's what I need to tell her that I wouldn't care about looking at her lame Facebook site to begin with. I just want people to see that we are friends on Facebook so I can mislead them into thinking that I forced her to be my Facebook friend. That's actually the whole point. I'm saying mislead them into thinking this way because it's truth and that's how I want it. They probably won't be mislead into thinking that way, so it will actually look good in contrary to what I want, so then that makes me a nice guy in the eyes of stupid Lee!

Might As Well Have The Idea

I think I'll just go after my own profitable thing where I get to set my own hours and make money off of it. It will basically just be my own thing. It's very difficult to do, but it surely is the ideal way and some would have to be totally digging their job if they didn't want it this way.

I think I'll try to keep the family business around in check as an obligation pretty much. I guess I don't really like what it's built off of for some reason. Then again, it's nice that I'm getting along with my sister who some of my female friends act like to begin with. Those friends would probably be like a sister to me then.

I think I want to make myself a definite candidate and keep working on myself more. Even though I'm a short guy, I still want to do amazing things.

From Feeling Boredom

I think I need to manage my time a lot better when I'm feeling bored. It's just easy for me to get lost and do something for like an hour and letting my mind get carried away. I guess it's not typically a bad thing then if I have something like that to keep myself occupied. It's a definite "Thank God for the Internet." Hate the sins that people commit on the Internet though.

Then again, I'm coming alive with the idea of going after a Master's degree and going after my field. My sister ended up joining my current job. Yeah, I'm a lucky son of a gun. I could be heir to a pretty thriving business that no one on the Internet knows about, except my close circle of friends. I'm not revealing anymore.

I don't really want to lead my dad's company because I sort of want to do my own thing. Maybe I'll just back it as an investor in the future and let the hard working minds and the people who actual want to stick to it do it and treat those employees like they are family. I'm keeping the family tradition around and I'll make sure to try to keep that.

Let's See How It Goes

I might end up seeing how it goes by marrying a taller girl. I'm starting to just not care about it now. As funny as it seems, height is just a number. Visually seeing the girl towering over me, boy it takes some character for the girl to accept me for a lover.

Definitely shorter girls who are interested in finding a man to marry, I can see them being pretty cool with me. From just working out and building all of that confidence and just going out to socialize and trying to do a whole bunch of cool stuff in general and trying to be cool and nice in general, I can see that those girls would be pretty interested in entertaining me as a possibility.

I have a few remaining areas that I need to touch up on before. I don't think height really matters that much if people are going to know that already. Well, for my height I'm actually pretty average in appearance so taller girls might just look like skinny giants while being around me. It's like she's going to have to try to ignore it whether I'm by her side or not because she might be able to just eyeball me from a distance.

I go out quite a bit and my buddy who goes with me is shorter than me.

Taking It Up A Notch

Okay I'm now playing poker at a rate of just going for earning at least $2.50 under like 15 minutes of play just putting in a nickel. I'm playing a very fast paced anonymous poker game that nobody cares about and it's like so annoying to lose! Okay, so when I do lose and not win anything because I decided to be a sucker and see the other chump's hand, I quit for the whole day.

I'm going for rock climbing again and have been paying a cheap membership for months and not visited. It's pretty bad and I have those climbing shoes that need to worn and from not wearing them, they are becoming like new and stiff again!

On to more interesting personal news, I'm trying to go for working out everyday now because I just find it to be fun to work out with weights and do something. Sweating and struggling to finish workouts never felt so much better. I enjoy it to a degree at least because I feel so healthy afterwards.

Let's see, I forgot to trade today and I think trading is going to my main source someday for making a nice quick income without having to work those long hours. It's an enviable job if you are good at it. I understand that and people think it's gambling at the same time, so they'll probably just marvel at how good of a gambler I am and think about why I have so many conservative moral values at the same time. I don't know. It's probably because I choose to align with the Christian faith as much as possible?

So that gets me thinking I should be reading the Bible too and I will do that. It's like I remember to do the Bible later on in my day and then like the devil sends in reinforcements to distract me and go like, "Nope too bad. Now do this tempting offer I have for you. Make money doing a job you don't like."

I have bowling shoes in my car trunk and still haven't gone bowling in awhile. I should go do that. Not to mention, the snow is just around the corner for me and I want to snowboard too all season. I also want to sing and dance to the Xbox kinematics device. It's way too fun. I think I'll just try it once. I also want to learn the guitar so I'll just dabble on it once maybe.

Instead of watching anime to bust my chops and fall asleep on the couch to have myself woken up by my mommy. I know it's embarrassing to still be leaving with parents. They leave me alone like 90% of the time at the house because I think I pay them useless rent money that they don't even need! Maybe it just shows that I have responsibility, so it sucks to not have my own place. It's embarrassing and I need to play some catch up. It would be nice to go with that direction.

Back To Creating An Awesome Week

I don't really know how things are going to be like for me in the near future. I just think it's really exciting at the thought of meeting a good lady and becoming married to her. I don't think appearances really matter that much even though honestly, I might be struggling underneath just a smidge.

Actually, from just working out, I don't really care to begin with period. I just have this confidence and feel good in general, so yeah, if I'm around a really chubby lady and she doesn't want to do anything then yeah, that's going to suck and maybe I'll say, not going to work out babe to her.

If this chubby lady is willing to go those extra miles and lay off those crazy good honey glazed and mouth-watering donuts and those McDonald's "keep you fat" combo meals, then okay, we have something going here. She's probably never been with a guy before so yeah, I'm willing to be patient with her then and reap the rewards.

Trying To Finish My Monthly Quota

I'm just typing anything. For the last post, it just made me laugh to write those sentences so I just decided close it off like that.

Personal Secrets To Protect

There's a secret that I won't ever talk about on this blog. My friends already know what it is, so it's no big secret if you are in my circle. If we just met, I might be just open to tell you my secret. On this blog, I'm never going to mention it.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

At Liberty

I seriously feel that I'm at liberty to do almost anything I want to please my flesh. However, I'm trying to make a balance. I surely made mistakes by going back to the church repetitively even after stupid Lee's restraining order ended. The results were ugly. I might still be going back just to yell at them this time. I don't care how wrong it is or what people are thinking. They can warn those people because I just communicated it that I might come back just to yell at stupid Lee and then leave. I don't care what the best code of conduct is here. This is for my sanity and I feel the need to just yell at someone like stupid Lee and she's the best candidate because she's stupid to begin with.

For those of you joining this blog, I'm stating stupid Lee put a restraining order on me over something that deal between us. Yes, she has issues. She was trying to be mad for her friends that she didn't want me talking to. One of those friends she was trying to protect told me that she would consider adding me as a friend on Facebook. I was so frustrated about this silly thing which doesn't even matter. If I just yell it out and talk about all their weaknesses, it's seriously going to set waves that they don't like. At least I'm leaving in the end and that's what they want me to do which is never coming back.

If I yell at them and cause a ruckus and make them look bad and not come back again, they'll treat me like a lost cause. I can just leave it like that and leave room for doubt in their minds with the actions that they did with me. Just to get over my fury and all this anger and hurt and disappointment I've had. I just want to yell it all out and express it to stupid Lee. Yeah stupid Lee was crazy to begin with.

Trying to Get Better

Once again, I'm looking to rock climb, bowl, sing and dance, play electric guitar and piano, trade stocks, and play just a little poker. I'm realizing that I do like to gamble just a little bit for fun and it's just for the excitement. It's just opportunity that I'm looking for and sometimes with everything going for you, it just doesn't happen. It's this lesson that I need to toughen myself up over.

I'll just keep working at it and trying to trust in the Lord for delivering all my needs. It's just that patience I need to have and that I need to trust Jesus and maybe what I want selfishly isn't going to good for God anyway so we'll see where this goes.

Just Typing Really Fast

This month is almost over. I'm just typing anything. I have to get to my finish mark. I only have like thirty minutes to do this and I was wasting my valuable time this morning. I could do something better. It's like having this really bad urge that you mentally know isn't good for you. I think from feeling whack like that and anxious, you should still do something productive in that manner like praying to God an reading the Bible. From being so anxious and not being able to do anything and feeling that sense of panic, I think in that situation it's important to just relax and stay confident and keep at it.

No More Stupid Mode

Okay, I haven't typing anything on here for awhile. It looks like that I'm becoming so normal now that the cops aren't interested in chasing my tail now. That's just how I feel honestly. I was so paranoid in the beginning from stupid Lee being instigated for over something that wasn't really serious.

I guess it's not that serious now and I can tell that the church has been really struggling. Whether I decide to go back ever is still a mystery now. I haven't really entertained it now. One thing that is for certain though is that I just want to yell at them to let go of all the built up frustration I had with them. I just want to yell and scream out any comments that are just going through my mind while I'm just fuming.

I realize that I'm mad but I'm about trying to control it while being blunt at the same time. Just letting out anything that's just on my mind for some time and communicating what's on my mind. From being fully authentic and letting it out there, it's been beneficial for me in a way. It's like there's no other way for me. People do it also, but this is looking at it from my own perspective. I could just yell if people say something and I don't like it. People respond back in a quiet manner then if I do that. Okay, the arguments were never serious to begin with, and I'm thinking that I can't really be good friends with these church people so why am I wasting my time. I just want to get rid of my anger issues from just yelling at them. From doing that, I'm laughing at them so hard and from having done it once, I can just let it go and do something else. I need to test this theory of yelling at them to see if I really will laugh at them or even stay more mad at them than ever. I just don't know, and I don't even know if I'm going to go back on my words.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Proper Goal Setting

I've been like totally out of commission for like the last two weeks. The fact that I'm not allowing anyone to comment here has to mean that I'm treating this blog like a joke. Actually, I'm only intending on being an entertainer and don't really want anyone to argue with me, so I took off the commenting procedure. In all of the five years I've had this blog, with all the efforts I've made to try to get readers to comment on here, I haven't had much success at all.

I'm sure if I stuck to it and did some research and put more time into it then maybe I would get that feeling of glory. That feeling of attention and just bask in it while playing my modesty card and revel in like yeah, that feels good type of thought.

I'm going to try to read the Bible, work out consistently, eat healthy, trade, play the piano and guitar, dance and sing, and try to have fun with creating a business. I'm basically trying to do it all while being a single guy who is texting a few female friends. These female friends are pretty chill and attractive. I guess that's how I really prefer them to be in the first place. I guess I can go for searching a more tied down relationship but I don't think I'm ready for it. Not until I know I'm pretty set and have everything going for me. I'm still missing a few necessary things, but I do know that I will be supportive in some way and loving already.

Finally Happening

I'm now very confident about solving my problems with a few people. I have a reason with why I choose to not end it so soon. I'm worried about the mess it can create and I don't really want to publicize it with my friends who are there. Then again, I really have to question if those people are really my friends then if they are going to criticize my behavior. Maybe they themselves want to be selfish about the incident and just avoid negativity in general. If I were to engage in some activity that would embarrass those estranged peers of mine, then these so called friends would want to stay away because they wouldn't want to deal with my ire.

I think the reason why people bring up issues with me is because of my demeanor of choosing to be indifferent. It might create some irritated people and they might just complain to me. If I were to make myself a hard person to deal with, then I wouldn't really have anyone talking to me. I would also have to fend for myself. I guess that's how it is mostly in the real world and that's probably a normal thing for people to do to try to be successful in life.

I think having a warm nature and being kind is great to let all of that out with friends and people you accept. Having a well-established family and good spouse really does feed a lot of balance with creating boundaries with allies and political enemies. To know all of these general things and try to lead the way, I guess it's really healthy to just know how to win.


I think a lot of my insides really desire something to happen and there's pretty much a waiting period for it. Now I can really expect something good to be okay with a female friend who I initially had a crush with. I feel now that we are on pretty equal terms and could seriously balance each other out if we ever developed any serious relationship. It's been almost a year of friendship and she's been such a blessing to have as a friend.

One of my lonely friends asked me why we aren't dating. One of the reasons is that she's dating someone else right now and they've been going at it for a long time. I don't want to go in for a steal so I prefer going for the next best thing which is just asking about her preferences. I figure that other girls like her might be out there and I could go for one later on in life, if I get very lucky to meet her. I'm pretty interested in putting my best foot forward most of the time and staying gentle, while generally easy going about things are.

I seriously have a cool friendship with a few girls now and they are quite attractive I should add. I feel happy for a female friend who I wasn't really so keen on in the beginning. I just wasn't feeling really connected to her and she was just weird to me. Later on, I'm realizing that several girls can be like her as well to a certain degree and that I need to be accepting. The fact that my friend started taking some initiative to improve her appearance by trying to be sexy, it's actually been cool to hang out with her.

Establishing Swagger

One of my old trainers talked about me needing some swagger. It was while driving a school bus, and I really hated it. I was nervous about doing it because I was thinking about the negative labeling I could be exposed to by my peers. I felt the same way while trying to learn to drive a truck.

I had a coveted college degree after all and couldn't do anything to market myself because I was so weak at it. People were trying to give me advice on what to do and I was just hurting on the inside and feeling like exploding and attacking them from feeling sensitive about the whole thing. Well, a lot of that has changed recently after being able to hold a job for almost five years now. It's the longest I've ever gone in my career.

I'm looking to change careers now and grow there. I feel like I'm ready to deal with some of the hardships and disappointments and to also work at it to be a winner.

Dealing With Anger Issues

Some older ladies who are already in their 50s and slightly overweight from having undergone body changes may have anger issues. This might be the same for men as well. I'm realizing that people have these issues and it's like it isn't uncommon.

I am surrounded by great company of people most of the time. It's amazing to be around these group of friends and to socialize with a common interest. I really enjoy it. I'm still finding myself recalling some hard and painful incidents that fill me up with anger and I find myself yelling out swear words while no one is around. It's one of my lonely activities that I'm not too proud of. I have another that I do as well, but I'm not really going to explain it.

I'm now trying to limit myself in doing those activities the best I can. I'm embracing that I'm going to do those things that I would prefer not to. I have been pretty good about not saying swear words around other people though and it was a habit that I formed at around elementary school.

However, despite me limiting my vocabulary of generally accepted obscene words; I can't help but yell at people sometimes to let out my anger. I'm not afraid to yell at people now when they just end up making me feel offended while they are going on a power trip. The people who I have some problems with were just being selfish with some issues of their own. I'm not afraid to voice out in a straight manner what's painfully affecting me because my desire after all is to just get along with everyone in a fair manner, if I can help it.

Recommitting Myself

I'm realizing that one desire that I have stands out really well and may not really be God's intention. I think a lot of it really deals with being patient and mature and working at where the person desires to be with someone like a friend. Sure it takes a lot of practice and some mistakes will happen, but I guess that's what life is about. Sometimes have to just keep moving while feeling optimistic about things, I guess.

I'm not really so bothered about seeing cops around anymore. Like last night when I was driving home at around 3 am after a long night's work, I saw a cop pull right in front of my main intersection and block it off like there was some type of accident. If I was in my paranoid mood, I would have not liked it one bit. Yet, I'm closing in on these feelings lately and just learning to deal with them.


I have been trying to find some time to kill to type on this blog. It feels like some type of biological clock for me in that I need to put some effort into this site. After all, reading what I put from last time, I'm just sitting here right now going "Wow, is that what I really put?"

Anyway, with the humor that's part of my normal routine, a smart friend does the same to me as well. We exchange a little bit of banter which is fun to say the truth. I don't really mind about that and I'm staying very true to it without trying to one up him so much as I used to.

Friday, November 11, 2016

More Mature Dealing With Girls

I'm typing on this thing at this blog while standing here naked. I just got back from the gym and I'm typing away at this keyboard. There's nothing pornographic because I'm not putting a photograph of myself on here for the ladies to stare at my almost forming six pack and my other curious organs that they might be interested in looking at.

I'm about to take a shower after a pretty easy routine day at the gym. I had fun working out actually and I was all smiles from not really struggling that hard. I did do a few tough workouts like trying to max out my pull ups.

The most mature feeling that I'm getting is for my sister. I'm thinking about buying here a pretty girly gift for Christmas now. I'm seeing her as a lady now and joking around all cool with her. I don't feel that nasty feeling of contempt for her now. I guess I've grown over it and becoming more mature about how things are with people.

I admit that I'm selfish and want all of that loving attention from people and it has to be genuine. Not some type of like obligatory feeling. If I get enough of that then I feel like I'm on top of the world while putting on my modesty card all throughout my days. Sometimes I may get a genuine high and try to do something wild to have fun, but then again, I'm more sure about how I want to coexist with girls who are my beautiful friends these days and do fun stuff with them. I'm so cool about them being around their husbands and boyfriends and kids or whatever. Even the girls I like, I'm starting to feel in that manner too. I'm seriously getting better at being patient with myself.

Bizarre Feelings

I think it's normal to deal with weird feelings that just make you want to lose yourself with doing meaningless and fun activities. For myself, I've been playing FreeCell and Hearts to try to calm myself down and play them efficiently. I care about winning and I guess that's where my competitive edge sort of takes place for me.

It's just a little thing that I grew up with. It used to be all about playing Sega Genesis back when I was a teen. I had this ritual of playing some old fighting games like Street Fighter 2 and Virtual Fighters in expert mode. I managed to beat them and was committed to doing so. I had this weird feeling that I was wasting time. I even felt empty at times because there were those moments when acquaintances brought their systems over and I just gushed over the fun video games my parents couldn't afford to buy me. I was under a lot of torment and trying to hide away my shyness from turning to video games.

Nowadays, I'm not so shy anymore. I'm okay with talking to people. I've been more mature about dealing with my short stature in height. I'm just 5' 3" individual and okay, I might fall under being just a tad short than bare minimum. It really shouldn't keep me from enjoying a good life if I can work hard for it.