Friday, July 29, 2016

Twitterpated

The word twitterpated comes from the old Disney film Bambi. I've always confused myself with Bambi being a girl's name, but while little Bambi sounds like a girl, he does magically grow up after the first year! Yeah, a lot of animals can reach their reproductive maturity fast in real life.

Anyway, it's a strong word for falling in love and living happily ever with the first suitable girl who feels the same way for you. It's like Bambi's friends reached a state of euphoria after finding their life partners on the spot. Bambi was the last to feel it and the film does a pretty good job of displaying the internal psychology of how he felt. It's actually cute in a way or can be tormenting to some people, if they are going through a lot already. I must have religiously viewed it as a kid to pass the time before my favorite afternoon TV shows because I still can recall photographic images of the movie from my head.

Anyhow, being twitterpated relates to me in that I think the friend I like also likes me. She wants to hang out with me in a group and has been implying it with me where I'm now just feeling it. I accept it in a way and I'm not like out of control about it or anything; I'm actually calm about the possibility right now. One of my main reasons is that she already has a boyfriend, and I want no part in drama related to their mess. Hanging out is cool with a group of friends and it's like so safe because no one would really think much about it in public.

I have so much respect for my friend and the feeling of attraction caught on pretty early. It comes and go, so I'm very comfortable being myself around her and having fun with entertaining each other when we do get the chance to hang. The feeling of liking her doesn't just get up and I feel lucky to associate with her. The fact that I met someone who I actually see as a potential life partner and actually can see on a pretty regular basis or be friends with is in a way like a miracle for me!

I feel like for me to marry someone like her, I'm going to need to continue to have great focus and work on reaching my goals while continuing to improve myself. It's a really healthy feeling that I get from thinking about her that is influencing me to change into a better person. I believe that God comes first in my life, but maybe she just serves as a reminder for me to stay on the straight path.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Don't Think It Matters

Yeah, I have had some run ins with a few idiots that just tick me off. The consequences on my end isn't really so serious, but I'm not quite so sure if it's going to leave the others I bothered in a stable mood. Whatever style I decide to indulge upon, I'm realizing that having experience really does help a lot.

There's an angry leader type person underneath me. I feel like that person has a Napoleon or short-man complex. That's why I try not to bring him out of me; I want him to be contained and personally stay rational about the event and be a winning person from developing and bringing out charisma and a positive attitude.

The ultimate test that I'm going to put myself up to is really visiting these past incidents where I now know that the situation didn't really matter so much to begin with. I guess from knowing that now, I can just let myself go and be funny about it from cracking lots of joke with the person who has been struggling with me.

I think talking in a cool mode while I'm like feeling that surge of agitation from hearing stuff I don't like is a pretty rewarding feeling. I guess I am witty enough to fire back on those who find stuff they don't like about me. Also, I really have nothing to lose these days.


Back To Making Money

It seems like my ideal lifestyle at the moment is to pretty much have a job where I get to make my own schedule. I think meetup.com is a godsend for somebody like me. I like being around people and to actually have a site that allows random people to meet each other and do some fun activity together. It's awesome that such a thing exists for me and to give me a venue to connect with others out there and gain experience with also strengthening the current connections I have going with my own in-crowd.

Nobody is perfect out there, and I surely notice that for myself. What would definitely be nice though is if I did meet that special someone I connected extremely well with. I'm sure they are out there, but it's probably just circumstances that not allowing me in some cases. I'm not giving up hope with it now.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Becoming More Efficient

I think I'm understanding my circumstances a little better. I'm still neglecting my concentration during my personal time because I let my feelings get the best of me when it comes to making selfish decisions with how I'm going to spend it. I have that feeling of how it's going to be boring and long and just don't want to wait it out. It feels very worn out and seems to lack that feeling of excitement for me.

It literally comes and go for me. When I'm feeling that surge of entertainment and I have the right crowd influencing me, then yeah, I can get a lot of stuff done. The problem is that I don't really have too many people as friends who are on the same page as me.

Anger management classes basically teaches one concept and I'm glad a supervisor already told me, he said that if something can't be done about the situation then there's not a good reason to feel mad about it. Sure, being made fun of and taunted is going to get your blood boiling and have you make decisions of unfriending someone and defend it like it's your life. I'm referring to some people who acted that way with me. I really shouldn't stay mad at them for behaving in that way because they tried to end my personal development of becoming a better person.

Boy that's funny with how I came to that conclusion. I guess I'm looking for a good woman to marry now. I don't see myself as the best candidate, so I think that's what is slowing me down. I also believe that the women who are friendly with me already have a goalie (significant other) guarding the net to keep me from scoring! I'm going to just have to be okay with rejection when it feels right to ask out the girl and continuously do the same thing until I get a bite from someone I think is a decent woman and just progress from there.

You know the girl I think is pretty is still good looking, but I'm just not seeing it as a necessary quality for me. I think I dig her lifestyle when she talks about being healthy and going to the gym to workout. That's what I'm trying to do for myself. Beauty comes in variety for me then, so who knows (?) , I need to ask out like 100s of available and attractive women who seem receptive to me and my chances of scoring a date will be that I will have at least one for sure. That is better than nothing. I'll take it!

Monday, July 25, 2016

Trying To Manage Time Better

One of the things I'm noticing is that it's really a lot about commitment. I don't even think about others that much, but people seem to be taking notice of me these days. With the levels of familiarity I have with people, being a short guy, I seem to be just very calm and just genuine. Sometimes, I've been getting the whole "What's wrong type of deal?" from people. They ask me, "What's wrong?" I guess I haven't really said anything and just stay quiet. When I did open up to someone, I just talked and the guy ended up being entertained with me I guess and just laughed.

I'm literally just starting to laugh at my own comments and evoking personal happiness with it. I guess I love trying to make others laugh to in a wonderful way to just entertain them and help make the day go by smoother. I think it just makes sense that some guys would want to be friends with me and be helpful with me. I mean it's family that I'm dealing with and it's the emotional connection that one can just relate to. It's a part of being together. We even talking about what we do in our bathroom business. I just don't like say bad words in general. I won't even write it out because for me, I feel it's inappropriate for me.

It's just become second nature for me and I won't say it and it will be so hard for me to repeat bad words verbatim if someone ever questioned me in court and asked me to say them while acting in a play or something. Actually, I might just say it verbatim if I had to in court and was under oath. I don't think there's really any sinfulness in that underneath the heart, but the likelihood of that is minuscule for me.

I'm a weirdling who happens to believe and tries to follow Jesus. I need to continue to practice self-awareness and go after something in a resourcefully abundant world. There's a lot of things one can do to stay occupied while waiting for the Lord's coming, but I shouldn't spend too much time on wasteful activities that are just plain fun. Not too much to lose track of time and not get anything productive done.

Funny Visitor Metrics

My metrics look like it's flat lining. It seems like a doctor used a defibrillator to try to bring a patient back to life. One day, it just surged like crazy and then the whole world became bored with me. I'm actually like that. I can spark interest one day and then it will die down without growing that much. It will stay steady but in a very small amount. I'm not really talented or anything.

I'm just rustic and also why would I have such a weird title to go along with. I mean it's pretty cool what I have going, but it just doesn't really appeal to the masses or anything. I'm not really trying to suck up to people in general. I guess I just don't really have what people want in general.

I mean I'm just pretty much left alone most of the time and that's just how it is. It's this personal time that I have luxury with and something that I need to figure out for getting where I need to be. Becoming anxious and fearful about things all of a sudden isn't really going to get anything done, but being hard working about trying to be smart with it will!

Oh Hey Hey

I think I have seniority in my Computer Science category with this google-supported blog site. Google is just giving away free online storage for their e-mail and constantly netting in millions of dollars in revenue daily. I don't know how they became such a giant in this world, but yeah it's pretty awesome.

Through practicing self-awareness and adaptability, I can actually see myself getting somewhere. One of my friends has great self-awareness in that he knows he's pretty lazy and even admits it, however, he doesn't really feel bad about it. I on the other hand, when it gets to me, I really get mad at myself and maybe depressed. If I end up doing well, then I feel great!

I'm not making money off of this blog at all. I took out all the ad support. I'm just typing away to an unknown world and it shows my assertiveness in real life because I just plain don't mind typing away about my funny business.

Happy Hours

I'm having my fun and wee moments from watching anime. I'm no longer trying to stay updated with doing what an average, distracted guy would be doing with his hands! I work out at the gym constantly and surrounded with sweaty people. Some of those sweaty people would be considered attractive girls. I'm like I see those all the time and ignore them because I'm working on making myself having an even stronger body.

I do get some looks from girls. I notice that those girls might be feeling for me in a nice manner so I get hugged without getting a pat on the back. My mom pats me on the back all the time these days after she hugs me. I just don't really mind actually and that must be a really good thing indeed because if an attractive friend did that to me, oh man never mind, it's just the little things.

I seem to push myself more around some of my pretty friends so I guess those girls like to give me nice straight-forward hugs and squeezing me. Yeah, I used to be all excited, but now after being at the gym all the time and noticing sweating women who are wearing revealing clothing to stay cool while working out, I seem to just not care to be a distracted, average guy doing something with his hands occasionally.

Leadership Qualities

The ideal leader while recalling from my flawed and slow memory build-up to recall it again- the ideal leader knows how to work it girl! No, just kidding okay it might be true but the technical terms are that - the ideal leader has strong intellect, physical presence, professional competence, strong moral character, and acts as a role model.

I seem to forget about professional competence a lot because I probably don't have any most of the time. Anyhow, the best way to develop into a strong leader is to have self-awareness and adaptability. My buddy is all like even though he's paranoid, he has all the self-awareness he needs, but becoming adaptable is tough! I can feel for my paranoid buddy.

Playing Catch Up

Well this blog has been going on for awhile. I seem to just type stuff on here and then it just turns into some work of random art. Most people are like, "Oh so you maintain a personal journal online" while raising an eyebrow at me. Ever heard of the people's eyebrow?

Anyway, I saw the most recent movie that came out with The Rock in it. The Rock now goes by Dwayne. I guess I'll see him back in WWE someday, if I ever decide to tune in to it again. I remember back in the smackdown era, they paid him $1 million per episode. He was like, "It used to be hard."

Okay, I'm not trying to imply anything here. I don't even know the guy, but he seems like a pretty cool guy to work with. I guess as long as you are a professional and know your stuff, then there should really be nothing to worry about if there's nothing wrong going inside of you.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Plan of Action

I'm playing poker now and also doing Magic the Gathering. These are just leisurely activities to keep myself busy. That's just about it.

Yeah I'm starting to think there really should be no problem with staying relaxed now and just be patient. Whatever path I'm deciding to take, it really should be down a focused path. I might as well start with that goal.

From what I'm understanding now, I think it's just making the best out of a situation and being happy the best one can. It's a lot of effort but I believe that it's really about personal improvement.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Motives

With me being crazy and getting two restraining orders, the main reason for me bothering people in the first place was because I was beating around the bush and trying to give them clues about how I was feeling. I didn't do it right and drove those people crazy to the point that multiple people wanted to put one on me but only two of them stepped forward with doing it.

I think I screamed and shouted once and might have felt good if I was being direct at the person. I'll just leave that point of attack to the side and see it as a very big possibility. Obviously I'm trying to intimidate people into controlling them to just relenting with me and going with whatever because I'm going to be such a jerk with getting what I want.

 My heart is about being filled with drunken stupor to the point of making animalistic threats that are so obvious but it is about annoying people. I'm very conflict adverse and would rather not have anything to do with it but my strong personality is very stubborn and from being a wild man I'm constantly putting up with fights I can't get out of. Even though I hate it, I'll make the most of those conflicts this time while continuing to improve my psyche and being a better person by learning from my mistakes and trying to move on. It really sucks to be conflict adverse and then be passive aggressive. The mode of feeling doesn't get anything done right.

I'll have to just be patient and understanding even though my feelings are going ballistic and inform the person if I find something that could be a problem in the long run and talk about how crazy I am. After that it's working at making myself a better person no matter where I end up and what I've done. I will keep my life committed to Christ.

I'm actually lucky to have met a person who really helps to build my patience. She's really nice!


Getting What's Going On

I'm aiming for trying to make the reader think it would be cool if my proposals happened. Just attempting to become relatable in that fashion.

I try to be nice so I've been practicing chivalry when people bring up topics I don't want to be a part of. I'm not that good at it and been having trouble opening up to them, so I don't take it seriously when I go on my own rampage of talking about stuff they don't want to hear about. Especially things from the past that could be really embarrassing for them if it got out of hand.

I haven't been happy dealing with my own anger and emotional problems. I'm feeling angry while running it through my head and it can be distracting. I have to make an effort to block it out so I can be productive at my job. Even though it's uncomfortable, I think this is a good thing from my part.

I'm not going to let myself fret anymore over people giving me advice that goes against my vision. I might as well just ignore it or just pay attention a little better over the possible conflict that could arise and be straight forward about it with a person. My past is that I have two restraining orders from bothering people in the past.  I might as well let the person know this crazy side of me before the conflict gets out of hand.

I've been afraid to face my conflicts head-on. I would rather avoid so it's still unfinished business that I'm putting off to the side at the moment. One of these days, I'm going to go back to the church that has the woman who put a restraining order on me.

This time I'm going to say something like if you act too crazy with me in the next five seconds I'm never going to approach you again. You would be the reason that I'm not really friends with anyone
and very agitated to the point that I would make your life miserable. It's all because what you said never happened and you tried to extend the RO but couldn't.

If she doesn't act crazy with me, I'm calling her an idiot and that I'm placing a restraining order on her as well as she is a worthless person to me if she decides to put another one. I'm also not going to show up to the hearing and throw away the piece of paper and look forward to seeing her on her next hearing of trying to extend it. It would be me seeing her one too many times and she would be compromising because seeing me once more would be too many times already.

I'm going to finish up the dirty work that feels unresolved someday but I'll settle for never seeing her again if she just leaves that church when I do show up. I hope she's not there and moved on to another church.

From now on, I'm paying attention a little more with people I feel are being rude to me and informing them about how I bothered people to the point that I got a restraining order from them. I'm letting them know that I won't bother to show up to the hearing but I'm going to file one on them if they do. I put a restraining order on the first person and it went through. The second one I didn't on the girl because she's a girl and I'm a man. This time I'm ready to treat the matter equally this time but the only time I'm moving into action is if they put the restraining order on me first.

I may end up having like 10 more restraining orders from people who are not the best fit for me but I'm prepared to be stained with that image because those 10 people are getting a restraining order from me as well and it's only if they initiate it first with me. Everybody should have a first time with something.

Other than that I'm just kicking back and trying to be friends with everyone.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Putting It Off to the Side

I still have yet to obtain my goals before I strive for the icing on the cake! I may not even have everybody there when I'm ready but that's fine. I'm okay with working with ones who are still there and pertain to me. It would be even better if I don't find anyone I'm looking for so I could just get on with my interesting life. I guess there's no need to stress it and just go for playing natural then by just being ordinary in this weird circumstance. I want to seriously try to be better than I can be.

Leading Up to the Moment

I'm not a huge fan of people blowing up with me so I would prefer people not doing that to me if I had a choice. However, I'm not going to let that get to me as it used to. I'm more desensitized to it actually.

By letting my mind be constantly thinking and in that moment of tension I have with anyone, I'm not going to let myself feel any regrets over it this time. I'm also going to look at outsmarting the individual. I'm just going to work really hard and give my best effort while being aware of all my surroundings and putting everything to my favor. If it ends up with me being in a shouting match with someone then so be it. I'm going to play in respect to making the person look unappealing and going for my side will be bomb and that some who go to there's will be in a bad situation but if they change or go neutral then I will comfort them. This is only for the people who I don't really count as a good friend.

Getting Rid of Negativity

Well for the first part, I see some of my past situations as just freak accidents now. It's nothing really bad really to the point where I have to hide everything. I think it's just better that I don't really bring it up with people about my past. I'm now a lot more comfortable with accepting everything and moving on. Also, I don't see anything wrong with revisiting some disgruntled people and persuading them to put aside their differences with me now.

Replanning Things

Thinking about how life is right now, it just might take a lot of discipline and rational amount of patience to get to where I want to be. I'm just not really going to worry about the whole fiasco I was involved with. It's funny in that while I was mad I was venting and subtly making fun of the other person. I guess I'm afraid to admit it but my intention was to tick off the other person and have fun torturing them in that manner.

If they hadn't acted or said something in a specific way then I wouldn't have made them feel a strong grudge against me. I don't feel like yelling nor feeling steamy about the situation anymore. I don't even want to be scared about it. I'm not really going to rehearse anything but I'm ready to continuously point out everything I see wrong in a direct manner now.

I'm going to be chill about it too and just free flow this time. The tension that I'm feeling is something I'm going to have to just man up against and use to drive me to a more successful state of mind. I'm not going to be in any hurry but I'm going to let out everything I see this time around and take advantage of the situation.