Saturday, July 26, 2014

Genesis 6

From Genesis 5, I forgot to mention how the Bible mentioned that a family led by Lamech became blessed with Noah, who would responsible for building the ark and leading his family through the great flood we've come to hear about. There are legends from other ancient cultures that also mimic this tale of a great flood. Could it just be a coincidence?  Also, scientific research is also showing that quite possibly, analyzing some canyons like the Grand Canyon might fit better with the model of a flood causing so much water damage from all that pressure build up in the past. It's sort of like going through a movement of changes in the past from religion to science, but some smart Christians have decided to embed science into their faith to try to diminish the room for doubting in their faith and encourage others to take up the cross. It also gives room to believe even stronger with more reasonable evidence in the Christian faith, even if it ticks off a lot of other religious leaders and doubters. They definitely would then have some emotional problems that need to get resolved.

Genesis 6 seems to talk about how the world ended up multiplying and having so much fun with partying like college kids with their fraternity and sorority parties. I'm not going into so much detail because I want to be like little kids could read this and laugh too while adults do the same. I heard in verse 2 talking about the "sons of God". I heard someone outright jump onto that verse and say that fallen angels took wives and their kids became giants. I'm not so sure about it- for now, it seems like for my reasonable thought is that sons of God is another way of saying male children of God. These male children of God started getting really fancy towards a multitude of women, just like the Muslim faith where guys would want to die for that in their messed up view of heaven.

The Lord than said in Verse 3 that instead of living like a thousand years, man is only going to live up to about 120 years. I think one lady reached the 120 mark in this generation of people living. It's so rare to find people living that long now. Also from Genesis 5, I recalled Enoch living only 365 years. We have only 365 days in a year with exception to a leap year, so that's how I remember it coincidentally. Enoch ended up like vanishing or something like that in Genesis 5:24. Could that be an example of the concept of rapture? There's this movie called Left Behind coming out. Rapture is a concept of people being taken up by God. A believer with an interesting twist in his faith was complaining about how that's considerably selfish. Oh come on now!

In verse 8, mankind took a twist of fate all thanks to one man Noah because he found grace in the eyes of the Lord!

A thing about the Bible is that obedient people who follow God's commands with all their hearts are considered to be righteous. Genesis 6:9 says that "Noah was a just man, perfect in his generations. Noah walked with God." Besides the world being corrupted with so much partying going on and abuse of other people, there was also much violence. People basically had emotional problems that turned them aggressive and impulsive about finding pleasure of some sort that Sigmund Freud talked about. It's similar to Cain having felt problems with his brother Abel. It's just wrong to go off killing your own sibling over a simple emotion of feeling angry with him. It seems like the world was filled with a lot of this mess at the time, and it even occurs somewhat today among strangers.

The tie in verse of this chapter seems to be found in Verse 18-19 where God told Noah, "But I will establish My covenant with you; and you shall go into the ark- you, your sons, your wife, and your sons' wives with you. And of every living thing of all flesh you shall bring two of every sort into the ark to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female." God pretty much had a detailed plan and ensured for the survival and posterity of His creation. Just this full command to Noah with God's plan seemed to be so profound and to take care of everything. I'm in with trying to read the whole Bible again; I wonder what God's plan He has for me to accomplish and to gain from this go around again.

Genesis 5

Genesis 5 talks about how God made Adam in the likeness of God. Verse 2 talks about how God intended for both male and female to be blessed and become mankind! I watched this one show that talked about this fictional religious group that believed that the Bible meant the man to be worshiped over a woman. Not quite so, it's not even the other way around. The Bible made it pretty clear in the New Testament that there is really no male and female in heaven and that both men and women are meant to be equally children of God.

While on this planet, guys can sometimes be pretty much idiots and just get carried away with a pretty girl who dresses up all nicely. It's after you get to know her as a friend for awhile that maybe, she's a little bit more different than you could have imagined. One of my buddies was not quite gifted with a large brain and hasn't been too successful; he's a nice guy, but someone you would have to train for thinking more properly with pretty women. Yeah, I know what's on my mind like other guys do too with attractive women, but I choose to not act on it because the Bible says to wait until you are married to do all the fun stuff with your wife!

These guys in Genesis 5 got married while they were literally really old- like the average age for them was around 100 years old. For them, they had only lived 10% of their children-producing lives and the fun that goes with enjoying your life partner while worshiping God. Hey, it was a privilege for them, but we have something better offered at our table. We may live only about a third of our life before getting married and having kids, but it's a faster ticket for strong believers to get into heaven!

Genesis 4

I started all over with reading the Bible. The Word of Promise Audio Bible has this really neat playlist for reading the Bible in 365 days. Wow, it's so convenient in that I could choose to read the Bible in chronological or the whole Bible like it is. I'm running it in my mobile device which makes it even more portable for me to listen to the Word and follow along with my Bible. What's great is that it leaves me with a bookmark in that if I don't read the Bible then I could read again from where I left off and get to the 365th day mark of actually reading the Bible. Now, that's such a delightful blessing and discovery for me.

Genesis 4 leaves off from where Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden. They bore two sons Cain and Abel. It looks like the first detailed emotion of jealousy for mankind listed in the Bible in Genesis 4:5. Is it really God's fault for not accepting Cain's offering? That's something that leaves me thinking about human nature. Some people are just naturally better gifted at other things- like Bill Gates is better at making money better than anyone in the planet, or let's say the most beautiful and recognized person in the world happened to be your sibling and you were not that well-received by your parents, family, and friends compared to him or her. This leaves me thinking that it's normal for people to feel like they are going through a hard time.

God gave us an encouraging verse for us to remember, "If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it." - Genesis 4:7

We obviously failed, but it was from the shedding of Christ's blood on the cross and being resurrected with the story of love and ultimate sacrifice along with becoming God's child that Christians can take heart again in this world and lead others to this amazing and surpassing peace that can't be found anywhere in this world.

In Verse 16, it talks about how Cain went out from the presence of the Lord. I don't know if this means that Cain broke fellowship with God and chose to not enter heaven. In Verse 17, it talks about Cain getting intimate with his wife but did she come from Adam and Eve also? I don't think the Bible is really clear if God created more people from the dust like he did with the first man, Adam. I heard someone speculate that Adam and Eve had the most perfect genes and were thus able to live a very long life and reproduce with so much success and that their offspring would also go on to do the same. We can't intermarry our siblings today because the kids could end up with genetic deformities like it happened during the Egyptian rule of Pharaoh. The Pharaoh would marry one of his cousins or even sister, yuck! The kids had hemophilia, where the blood doesn't clot if the skin gets an open wound!

The chapter ends with saying that after Adam and Eve bore Seth, their third son- Seth's wife ended up bearing a son Enosh and that's where men began to call on the name of the Lord. The Bible talks a lot about calling on the name of the Lord, but I wonder if it means to pray to God and depend on Him for any circumstance we go through in our life. If would be great to learn more about that later on in the Bible.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Change Of Events

A female friend I supposedly had a crush on Facebook just posted on her status that she is dating a guy that she likes. Well, that sucks for me. I guess I'm not the right person for her. Well, her comments started getting a little too raunchy for me, and she has posted a lot of sexy photos of herself posing.

On the flip side, I did meet a really nice lady online. I really like how we had an ongoing relationship going via e-mail. I'm starting to not really mind the idea of entertaining the thought of dating different people. The way I'm looking at it is if we established something and then something didn't quite work out, then I'm not on a leash anymore and get to keep on trying again with another. The only thing that I'm going to fight so hard to keep is after I get married, I'm going to guard and treasure it with all of my heart; regardless of the person I end up with. Hopefully, she doesn't get all suicidal with me.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Daily Tasks At Hand

I'm currently building a Magic The Gathering deck which is pretty powerful and costs about $200. I'm almost done with it, or that's what I usually say to myself, but I always seem to make new additions to it every once in awhile. I might even start building a new deck. I just need to find my crowd of people who are really into it and just start playing some games with them to just have some fun. My deck has a few killer cards that put the advantage on my side. Actually, all of my cards make a significant contribution because they are all categorized as rare or mythical. Every card I'm playing has that level of effect and they all work so well together, so I was told that I'm going 70 miles an hour by a buddy when it's up and running.

I need to get an oil change and don't really want to do it myself. I need to get the brakes fixed on my car also. I need to get a car wash. I also need to fix the cover of my convertible. I have some normal maintenance issues with it that I should take care of. I need to start reading the Bible because I just keep talking about it and not doing it. The same goes well into upgrading my physical fitness level. I guess a lot of the things that I'm trying to do feels a little overwhelming for me, so I naturally forget to do it. I think I just need to be able to embrace the challenge and to just go for it. I'm going to try to prioritize as well now.

What I Plan To Try Posting More Often

I'm gearing myself to actually studying every verse of the Bible now and see how they all tie together in one giant setting. The only, primary weapon I see against the Bible is pretty much doubting in the faith. Other than that, with the people who do accept it and don't seem that strong in the Word, I think they might have some mental or emotional issues which causes them to act out of proportion. I can't really blame the Bible for believers who can't live up to the faith and tick a lot of other people off.

I actually was born with a large head and when I'm making sense out of stuff, it actually sounds very obvious. The thing about it though is that it's not really thought about while being in action and can easily be ignored while carrying out some mental or emotional tasks. I just might turn this blog into my daily devotion of reading the Bible and how my life has been going. I think it could be a place where I just start sharing, but I don't really like that word because it seems to me it's like talking about how great of a person you are from being faithful. I believe that encourages idolizing the wrong people because the one believers should be worshiping is Jesus. From what I heard which is very true, people are going to disappoint you if you fully rely on them. I'm asking not to rely on me for tasks I don't even understand and have no emotional attachment to, but a few people with problems imposed that on me. I guess I'm sorry I can't live up to their expectations, but I do want to help them get over it because it deals with me and that will just completely satisfy me!

Stuff I Won't Talk About It

I guess I either really suck at poker or I'm just not really cut out for figuring out the math and just constantly find myself in the wrong situations, so therefore it would constitute myself to be just gambling on winning hands. I'm not going to be relying on poker for making a living then; I think it will just suck the living fun out of my life. The only total value I really see in it on the long run is that it could entertain others in society and that's just about it.

I guess I'm just a sore loser then and should be just letting it go. I think the only time I'm playing poker then would be to just have fun and end up giving my money to others eventually. The whole trading and investing aspect is also really risky but could be rewarding. I'm not going to talk about it or even brag about my successes with anyone now. I'm going to just leave it on the down low. I think it's an incredibly sensitive topic and even turns women off with all of the losses that could be accumulated from making mistakes.

Parrying A Whole Lot

It seems like I'm planning a lot of stuff in my head, but not acting out on them. I imagine myself in the motion of the act and find that it could be a waste of time. Even though it might not feel good for me, I think I'm just committed to making things work out even with the smallest things. I did make a few pledges with those people with emotional problems, so I'm going to have to live out my promises I made with them first before going any further now. They can have their years of more emotional pain and discomfort that could accumulate with other stuff happening to them. Helping them solve their issue with me is just going to bring me satisfaction, but they might still have a significantly large amount of other unrelated issues pending afterwards.

While in this motion of parrying, I'm going to pray for their lives to the Lord with a wholesome and loving heart. I'm going to pray for the ones who attempted to give me a hard time and failed; basically, the ones who received a hard time from me just making a minimal amount of effort. Hey, it happens to brilliant people every once in awhile, so it can't really hinder my confidence that much! I'm trying to stay humble which is difficult with those people with emotional issues looking dumb to me.

Been Awhile

I haven't really posted on this blog for a long time or that's just how it feels after a few weeks. I guess depending on how you look at it and if there are emotional problems involved, a few might find this site to be offensive. Anyway the way I look at it is that after almost six years having passed by which could feel like a lifetime, if no one has really been offended by my remarks and taken legal action to get this site taken down, then I guess I'm in clear waters and the people who were mad for any reason at me just have emotional problems to deal with.

A few individuals were going through a hard time with me by me just asking them a few questions like how are you doing? I think they were stressed out and having trouble managing their emotions. I might have got a little too close with them, but just ended up on their wrong side of the bed. Right now, I feel like helping those individuals because the issues they were stressed out about deals with me. I'm not that stressed out with my own life, but they are for some reason. If it didn't deal with me, then they wouldn't have kept on telling me that they don't want to talk about it. The sentiment of their feelings seem to within well range to discern that they can't handle their emotions too well at times and can't let it go.

I'm not frustrated with the events anymore and accept each and every one of those individuals now for their strengths and weaknesses, the things I like and hate about them. I think talking and settling on a matter that is troubling to them, which deals with me could encourage them to walk more favorably with the Lord. I see how my passionate pursuit of wanting to have a closer relationship with Jesus after studying the pages of the Bible could have a deeper meaning of communicating with them.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

What I Am Going To Do

I am going to pretty much dedicate myself a little more. Pretty much, I'm now getting to used to the idea of being with no girlfriend and suffering from having no hope of ever getting married. I figure now that the struggles I've been going through is in how it's really all about marriage anyway. Yeah, it wouldn't make sense for me to continue doing weird stuff that turns out to be bad on my end. I'm just going to toss it aside then and just keep on going.

I'm starting to just plain not care about a few things and just going to move on along with my life. I'm still a strong believer of Jesus and want to love him with all of my heart. I'm going to try to deal with my personal emotional problems and try to keep them from recurring. Everything that I'm dealing with is just plain normal for me. I need to be aware of that and to go above and beyond with where I'm headed. I think I'm just learning to be desensitized in areas that don't emotionally matter so much and becoming more sensitive and aware of things that are important.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

That Lingering Feeling

Yeah, it's pretty much that lingering feeling of craving something that's getting to me so much. I can't help it sometimes, but have to try to appease it. I realize that I get the urge to waste time with it, but I know that's pretty bad for me with the predicament I am in right now. Everything seems so peaceful for me right now, but right now there's really no special someone for me to share my life with. This is pretty much a challenge for me that I guess a lot of people go through, both men and women - old and young!

I guess I'm now facing a few challenges that others go through as well. I think I've just grown up to really enjoy playing some games while being mindless about it to just pass the time of feeling like I have nothing to do. I need to change that mindset now because I know that God has gifted me with an average capability of getting things done and going where I want to if I put a lot of time and effort into it.

It seems like the ladies I've associated with and gathered problems with me later have been pretty ugly and then when I see them later on, they become very pretty looking with boyfriends! Other moments, the cute and friendly girls I've talked to aren't even available. I guess that's the way life is sometimes- unexpected twists that just come your way. Maybe, it's just one round cycle that just goes around my personal life in trying to find someone to settle down with.

I don't really care now about the person's appearance, but I would like for her to not be really obese, lazy, and too old. I'm a little iffy about dating women just barely out of high school too, but if they are mature enough and into that kind of stuff, then maybe it's okay. I don't really care if she's been in relationships with other guys either now; if she can be happy with me, then I think we can settle and work at something. I guess her having kids too doesn't really bother me either that much. It's almost unconditional with how I'm looking at it, but the most important thing I want to go after is a woman who is very stable, nice, and a dedicated Christian.  All of this stuff is what I'm looking for, while along with working to settle my own personal grieving issues.

One Worry

The one worry I have is that from reading and studying the Bible to acknowledge the full sense of God's Word, apart from my own understanding, is that the spiritually-filled lifestyle I'm trying to live could really become more about appeasing my own personal endeavors and emotions. Nonetheless, it seems like there are times where I don't want to study the Bible and moments that I do. I've dealt with so many things at once that I've been having trouble moving on with and have grieved me at the same time. Those things don't really matter so much as what I have nice going.

Regardless of what happens, I'm just going to go after the Bible. This means that I'm going to have to completely rework around my life as usual in order to be able to let it be accepted even more into my own lifestyle.


I think what I'm looking for this whole time is basically the right set of encouraging people I can open my heart to and be comfortable with. It's basically fixing myself and coming to grips with how certain things that I've been dealing with don't really matter. It then also becomes about living in suffering and not minding it so much while working hard to develop myself.

I just have that natural feeling of wanting to pursue after stuff and get better at things. I then get an emotional attachment over things that I struggle with and start grieving over any of those losses. I've recently managed to finally reach the acceptance stage with a few things, but it's still a work in progress. I don't know, the way I'm feeling about myself right now is that I know I could be a capably good husband and be a supporting dad, but I'm going to have to do something about my predicament where I'm starting to become numb about and occasionally want to become reckless over not feeling right about things.

Reaching the End of the Road

I think a lot of what happens really comes down to communicating and going after what appeals to you and then being mindful of others, if they have a problem with you. I believe that we've grown up with a system of values and beliefs that are always embedded with a culture of rewards and punishments to reinforce our social behavior.

Everything dealing with me is just so personal, and I'm just limiting the chaotic feelings that want to burst out of me right now. Maybe, I feel like the future has a bleak hope for me and it seems like right now I need to re-engage in a behavior of being patient and making the effort to get somewhere with my life. I don't think it really matters what age one decides to go on the journey of self-development.

It's going to be hard letting some things go when I can't obtain something at the moment. The feeling is indescribably very difficult to bear with, and maybe if I go off playing video games to blow off the frustrated feelings I have underneath me, it's really all based on successes that I'm making. It seems like I can only reach so far before I crumble and shake from reaching out to the unknown. I don't really have that much confidence in that area yet, but maybe I need to make sense of everything to the best of my ability and just move on.

Controlling My Mind Over Feelings

I'm having an extremely hard time with overcoming my personal feelings that are attached to actions and habits. I have this longing to play a massive amount of video games everyday. It wears me out with just the feeling of it, but if I engage in it for a long time with the rewarding level ups and progress, then I'm pretty much hooked on it.

I think the way that my mind and body might operate might be through some positive and negative reinforcements. I mean I could probably tell morally if it's a good thing or not, but I'm going to have a hard time bringing it to an abrupt halt.

Maybe I'm not really cut out to be anybody appealing or be at the spotlight with something. I'm just going to have to move on and just be constantly working hard at things that just appeal to me. I'm just different wherever I go and engage at. I don't even use swear words while interacting with people!

I'm just a really lucky guy in that I'm pretty mellow and when I get so angry and about to scare others, I don't really end up doing anything to them anyway and probably liked by those people with problems anyway. I've seriously had to emotionally persevere a little more than the average person, but the way I've been raised has been a grow up with. It's just what you make of it, and I've been sulking at it by doing stuff to try to waste my time, instead of coping with those emotional problems and working even harder.

Not The End Of The World

I guess I'll do my best to make myself happy, but if those things don't come to pass then oh well, I'll let myself suffer. I am actually finding it to be a joy to be in God's grace. I must have some weird tendencies with myself because I'm all about increasing my capabilities with performance.

I'm basically noticing for myself that I'm going to have some hits and misses. I'm going to get tossed around by the system and not pay attention to anything that's really going around me. By just constantly pursuing after something, I think I get looked upon as a pretty average person who gets a little admired by others.

I'm not sure what to really make of it, but I'm going to have to eventually make those wasteful activities come to a halt and the good things just keep on pouring.

Going To Keep On Trying

I don't think there's really any cure for my problems with engaging in typical behavior where I just lose track of time and not get anything done that's very productive and meaningful. I guess life sometimes doesn't really feel that great being alone and having all that free time to yourself and not doing anything useful with it.

I think I do have an opportunity at work but it's only about eight hours where I get to focus and do what I'm starting to enjoy doing. I need to get used to the fact that I might have made mistakes and done things to screw myself over. It's like when I'm in that state of mind, I end up doing some reckless behavior that I don't really let anyone know about.

I'm going to have to learn to cope and move on with things that are just out of reach. I can do my best to limit the damage some people placed on me, but I guess those are just building steps for me.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Posting From Phone

I am using the iPhone right now. One of my friends was able to show me a very speedy patented way of texting on his Blackberry. The Blackberry is so underrated these days, and there's also this hype of it being the official mobile phone used by White House officials! I am a little envious and wish I had access to that software .

These days it seems like those few people with emotional problems are pretty much ladies who want to just fret about their problems and leave me alone because they want to be left alone. I managed to salvage my relationship with my sister from choosing to accept her stupidity and moving on. They seem to try to make themselves more prettier at times. I seriously notice that from the times they looked a little less uglier. Maybe, they are trying to get back at the system or something but because I am better than the general crowd, they must be suffering!

Consistent Format

I'm going to try to write daily on this blog and dedicate it to my attempts in trying to make full sense and meaning of the Bible. I don't want to add my own personal preferences into the Bible, I want to just let God's Word flow into my heart and out onto this blog. Obviously, I'm not going to know everything about the Bible, but I would like to do the best I can to have an open heart that's ready to receive the fullness and grace of His glory!

I'm probably going to be switching it up quite a bit by talking about other stuff going on in my life. I'll do my best to be sensitive about my personal life and not offend anyone while letting out my thoughts, which can be very smart at times and overwhelm a good number of people who want to go against me. It's going to be just a dedication for myself because I figure that no one is really going to try to haunt nor stalk this online blog. I might as well do it as an accessory to help myself become better at communicating and see how my personal growth is occurring.

Becoming 100%

I would really like to become a very comprehensive 100% detail-orientated type of person and doing everything that makes me fully happy. This probably means that I'm going to have to let go of things that just waste my time and to spend my time focusing on good things. It's really difficult for my right now to factor in everything. I'm just leaving out a few important things because I'm spending most of my free time just lounging around. I'm going to have to become a more practical person in order to make myself happy.

I do things that are a lot of fun in general and is pretty cool to work towards achieving. I'm so different in a good way because of my faith in God. My belief in Jesus has changed my outlook so many times with how I want to conduct myself in this world. It's been hard and tough and at times, I'm not even trying to follow Jesus even though I've been embedded so strongly with his morals.

I'm ready to give in to the better things and to let go of the things that take away my time. I'm trying my best to make sense of them and to always remember it, but I guess that's really hard for me to so right now because I'm not hurting myself or anyone right now while engaging in my personal acts.

Letting Things Go

I guess I have issues right now where I'm not spending my time wisely the way I would like to. I realize it for myself because I just don't feel right with the usual rituals that I put myself in. It seems like there's always a connection where I become motivated about doing something before I go after it.

All in all, it's just my emotions playing tricks with myself. I think I've been having a hard time settling them all this time. I really want to not engage in those wasteful activities anymore, unless it has something that I really value. I think I really wasted my weekend by not doing the productive things that I really should have done. It's like another week wasted, even though I'm working and getting paid and all of that stuff. It's just my personal time, where I'm not really developing as I would like. I'm going to have to fix that sooner or later.

Sunday, June 29, 2014


I'm going to let go of my addictions with being playful to myself. I like to play card games by myself like a weirdo because I built a Magic: The Gathering deck. All the spell cards on it are rare or mythic rare, which is another word for saying ultra rare! I just play those spell cards with myself and go underneath, "Oh yeah, I'm going to kick some ..." It's like a self-ritual of becoming a prideful warrior before I put myself in harm's way again. I tested the deck against a buddy's deck which used to beat me up so much; I ended up defeating his deck repetitiously finally!

I'm really going to stop watching T.V. even though what I said is generally a lie. I'm going to stop playing video games even though that's a lie too! I think in my head I'm thinking about this beautiful woman who is my Facebook friend and also single; I'm going to try to limit those imaginations even though that might be a lie. I interacted with her and it was funny to observe her getting angry on the post because I made fun of her in a smart way that made sense and everyone could laugh at and then take a mental slap from her while she turned cool with me again. She's a nice lady and also a beautiful person!

Admitting My Struggles

This month I've been really occupied thinking about a bunch of things and trying to really get into a productive mode while finally accepting everything that's happened to me. I've been just very inconsistent about a lot of things, so I think that's the very reason that caused a drop out with my readers on this blog.

I'm pretty aware that I'm a pretty harmless guy but can cause some true annoyances onto other people's lives. These people are just but a few and who have some emotional problems. I've finally managed to get one of those selfish individuals to like me again. I pretty much messaged him on Facebook, and this is no lie, he had unfriended me on Facebook and then blocked me, but then unblocked me again. Afterwards, I messaged him, and he responded back with a picture of a thumbs up symbol!

That's quite a ways gone now. Also that church who gave me some trouble looks incredibly bad now that I think of it. One question I have to ask is if they are really small because people see them as really quirky people or is it because they just have issues with people in general? They did act out weird against me because I set myself apart as different. If the general public who doesn't really worship God so vehemently like they might do while being under false, emotional pretenses doesn't fit in like I did, then could it be like so with most people? They pretty much played upon building a church while acting like very nice people- I pretty much screwed them over in that area because I did something they couldn't handle and then they blew up on me and others who were never in the scene might have got scared of them as well and ran off. I scared off some of the main people there who caused trouble for me; they are gone from that church now.

Yeah, I'm a big bad wolf in a way, without haven't meant to be that way intentionally. Or did I underneath, but my guilty conscience blocked my hypnotized stance of trying to screw them over while succeeding at it? It's all funny! I was grieving and going through those five stages of grief and finally made it to the amicable, acceptance stage!