Thursday, April 19, 2018

Lucky Me

This job I have is a family owned business and has just benefitted with booking a multi-million dollar contract. We are going to be so busy, and we've been lucky to be coming around and stabilizing these days. My dad is the angry CEO and he's crazy and gets on my case a lot even though he tells me he hates doing it, but that's how he micro manages everybody. My sister seems to be doing so well because she doesn't get that very much from my dad.

I accept that my father is a crazy old and angry man who won't ever give up smoking cigarettes, even though he still does that in moderation. He is physically a lot weaker than me and I just walked out on him yesterday while he was going off on talking about something crazy like how I silently expressed myself. I didn't vocalize anything and he was just angered and thinking I was doing something and just went crazy from that. I just told him I didn't really say anything and that he was getting on my nerves and had to take a break. I said it calmly and then my dad got up too and left as well and when I saw his face, he looked so devastated! Yes, I feel like I rocked! I didn't show that facial expression of elation from seeing his depressed looking face. I have to admit though that my dad repeated the comments that made me feel like punching his face, so I said something calmly and walked out from being myself openly. My dad later practically explained to me how he was being crazy in his prideful terms and said to not laugh at him sounding stupid during business hours so he doesn't turn crazy.

Well, the system development is coming around a lot easier than I could imagine. The time I put into it and deliver is seen as normal, even though I try to put on a show that I'm working really hard even though I'm having a blast stimulating my mind reading about off-topic stuff while surfing the web. I guess that inspires me to be productive during those few hours that I actually do really work super hard. I could do a lot more at a less time and that's always the challenge that I want to complete and to just go above and beyond the occasion. Everybody else at my job thinks it's difficult with what I'm doing while just sitting at this computer trying to program and also answering everybody's IT problems with their issues.

I feel like I have a distinct advantage over a good majority of people when it comes to programming. I'm just motivated with coming across a great solution. There's actually a guy I know who is really good and legitimate with his programming skills. He's just one person out of like the 100 programmers I'm acquainted with. I guess it's not that bad, but he struggles too just like I do at times. It's about having programming endurance and getting to the end which is so rewarding when the program finally does what you desire and then a rinse and repeat cycle while getting paid for it, which I'm so lucky to have but the other great programmer I know really doesn't have it to my current knowledge that's ten years old.

Coming to Acceptance

I think a huge positive for me is that I'm just accepting how things are and including things that still make me mad. I mean I still think those people who got me there are stupid, but it's not really about how I want the way things have to be. I prefer just surrendering control to the ways of the Bible, no matter how evil people think that is. The Bible says not to sin like don't have sex outside of marriage and lie to bear false witness and to loving the Lord and others first over yourself. It's stuff like this that might not even appeal to a natural person.

It's so worth it to me because of the gospel message found in the pages of the Bible. Jesus was the Son of God brought into the world for the sole purpose of paying for our sins that whoever would trust in him would be looked upon by God the Father as righteous and given access into heaven. Jesus is also God Himself, so God sent Himself in the form of being His own Son to minister and live the life of being a physically, limited human. God humbled Himself to walk the Earth like that and let the Son Jesus face the worst way of being killed for capital punishment which is being crucified. Jesus was forced to carry the cross and then had nails hammered onto his palms and expected to die within days from suffocating out of exhaustion of supporting himself on the cross. He was even rejected by the most influential Jewish leaders at the time- Jesus had it so rough with them and his message sent starting with his followers is that Jesus resurrected and managed to leave a heavily guarded tomb that was sealed with a huge boulder. It is taught to be like a hoax to a lot of Jews today. The only crazy thing to marvel is that Jesus' body is not there and can't be found anywhere for all these people crazy for Jesus, like me.

The message is truly life changing at the heart. To have God Himself humble Himself like that to preach onto sinners who were depressed about life at times and no sense of going anywhere and to even minister to the physically afflicted by healing them and having crazy miracles recorded in the Bible that's just unheard of today, Jesus lives and that message and hope of how he will come back someday is sensational. I just don't know enough yet about how Jesus is going to re-establish his kingdom. It could be speculation, but the biggest thing is the resurrection and putting faith in Jesus to give me direction and to study the Bible and live in that manner while being in worship of the Father and to allow God's Word minister to me!  

Dating Issues

I think the biggest obstacle that really comes to mind for me is how I don't really own a place to begin with. On top of that, I would also love to not have to work so many hours and to also invest some of my time connecting with people. I'm like years behind before I'm able to do so, but I could also be brought up to date in a matter of months for me as well.

I'm fortunate to be blessed by God and to have a job and there's so many privileges that I have in how I could continuously slack off here to a certain degree, but not that much otherwise, I would be really causing problems for the company. I'm pretty much the company's only database system development expert. It's a big deal in how the computer language that is being used is not even being used by my peers.

With how I'm spending my time, I'm really focused on myself and it could still use some adjustments. I guess that's the keyword for me and I just get carried away from distractions all the time. This is something I'm getting more aware of because it's really me just pushing aside things. I guess what I value isn't really that appealing but just normal in general.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Interesting Business Development

One of my great friends who I've known for a few years and feels like we've connected so well and likes to flirt with me on occasion, is naturally gifted at convincing people to buy quality brands. It's just that people seem to find favor with her and take their wallets out for her. She really cares for me as well.

What's cool is that she's looking forward to making some passive income. She just completed her real estate license and I seem to have a knack for making money from diversifying my trading portfolio. I might put some of that money I gained from investing into the real estate market by partnering up with her. I'm not quite too sure how I'm going to work out the ownership percentages. Maybe, I could let her be the majority owner because she's so into real estate and I'll just cover the rest and take some profit off of the rent money. I think it's better for me because I would rather let my money sit and just continue to make money for me. I wonder if she will do the same, but with her being the owner, she would want to maintain the house so I can legally profit off of her natural work she puts into it!

This way, I would not just have all my money in the stocks where one day, it could just crash. It would be about maintaining stability and still counting on cash coming into my bank even when I have down days with my stocks. I think this is the way to go and then just do whatever I want with the money and spend it. I'm not just saying this to make myself look like a good guy because I do feel bad about writing those proposals, but I would like to give back to organizations that are committed to carry out with living God's Word.

I'm just one man, so I doubt I would have any influence by coming back to Hope of God Church (a cult) and start bragging about how I became a millionaire and not supporting their ministry because they don't deserve to be rich and I myself being rich would be able to see that! I would be like there are tons of other organizations I'm happy to oblige donating to and they come in dead last with all Christian cult organizations.  I'm only saying they are a cult because of Lee there having acted stupid with me and saying she had spiritual authority over me. I'm glad I didn't do much while I was so mad and that I just got a slap on my wrists and it's not even painful anymore. It's just whatever and a waste of complete space in my memories.

Well, I think Chris and Judy left and they were predominant figures of that minimalist weird theologically Christian church. It's on them and Chris sucked in dealing with me. Jarred is sort of off and on there I think and I'm so testy about socking him in the face, but he sucked too in dealing with me. The pastor is just way over himself and it's like he's waiting for me to cuss him out, but I'm not going to. Actually he's pretty weak and sensitive so I'm glad he was like that and I can call him out on it. Revenge is like sweet poop with these people; it would mean absolutely nothing but I'm bound by oath to go there again to God and I cannot break that oath and so might as well show off there when I do go back to get my spiritual money's worth and get the heck out of there!

Reaping A Reward From Committing Into Something

I had so much clutter in my room. It was pretty much video game packages that I have never had the time to open and play. They are still practically brand new! I just kept them around as souvenirs for myself and be a reminder that I should eventually get around to designing my own video game and the fear the gets me is that I could be hurting my own career by doing so because what if I ended up with nothing in the end for all of that?

For this reason alone, this is why I developed a keen interest for learning to trade currency to make money and it's awesome because there's almost no barriers to do it with the right middle man. It's pretty much taking my own earned money and making something out of it. It's like I could take some gift and declare myself as unemployed and make something out of it for the loophole! Well, if I wanted to that is.

I will probably have to get around to pay taxes because never know, I could use some unemployment compensation even though I would be technically unemployed from just trading my own hard earned money with other currency and legally getting back the same in return even though some countries would give you more. See the arguing factor of how I wouldn't have to pay taxes with all of this being under the table?

It's so brilliant and legally done while getting away with something that virtually everybody has learned to accept for expenses in living but would rather not, if he or she didn't have to and had personal control over what to do with own earned money. With all this legally tax evasive profit, I could just fund my own video game development hobby and have a blast getting pounded by bigger titles. I would have said that I tried to put my foot in the door with that billion dollar market because I had so much fun growing up as a kid and was such a video gaming junkie. I think I would design titles that would encourage super fun objectives and online socializing. I never really had enough of being that nerdy gamer in the cyber world. I would love for those cyber gamers to have a place where they could just belong, make a comfortable living doing it, and be in happy harmony with the players that matter to them.  

Friday, April 13, 2018

Interesting App Idea

I feel like I could create an app that would really help me. I'm thinking about writing a program that would take all of my activities and break them into how I'm spending my time. It would be like playing a game than with myself to have the best schedule that I can keep up with.

I love playing games regardless of when it sucks to grind through something for leveling up or not. PVP is definitely a really rewarding experience for me because it gives me a chance to put my skills to the test with another fellow competitor and gain something out of it. What's funny is that from having been so addicted to video games in the past, I wasn't aware that I was really doing all of it for nothing in the end. It's really such a bummer to have so much fun like that and not be compensated for any of it. Only the true winners get the prize in this world and that's how it works everywhere.

From realizing that I won't have fun struggling to always be a top-rated professional gamer, I guess it's not going to work out for me. If I want to have so much fun and independence from my responsibilities and just be carefree, then I'm really going to have to work on myself before I can just let go like that.

Starting with myself, my secret and passion to earning a living after all this time comes from becoming a professional currency and stocks trader. I haven't been able to even keep up with it this whole week from being distracted. My mind is still a little bit on gambling with playing poker. That too is a time consuming activity and it just doesn't feed me that much satisfaction in the first place.

How I Fared Yesterday

I'm going to start blogging about my life with attempting to live out the perfect day of accomplishing all of my intended goals. I have really huge plans to succeed in this world and to eventually settle down with a beautiful companion and be open to lots of fun and invite her to have lots of sex with me! I think it's funny to admit that and just write it on here.

I listed about 22 things to do for yesterday and I got stuck at one activity because it led me to go off course with my other objectives. What happened was that I was going through my books, one of them happens to be about computer security and it had a discussion in one section about hackers trying to find working passwords at paid porno sites. It said that it's just for the thrill of hacking and that most prosecutors don't care about giving pornographers that much rights with keeping their money. I ended up searching for adult site passwords and they just didn't work. It pretty much wasted my evening doing that and I felt that it wouldn't be that much fun to learn to hack anyway. It's so time consuming with all of these hack prevention measures that have been taking place over the years. It's very deterring to be a hacker in general and such a drag these days.

I then became turned on all of a sudden and wanted to compare paid porn with free porn. Free porn does its job still and in some ways, it can be better than paying for something. It's because whether I would pay for porn or not, it leaves me feeling not satisfied and wanting more. I'm just like done with looking at women's body parts and it's about time I fell in love already with a beautiful gal and enjoy a lot of physical companionship with her and work at staying married for life.


Finding Humor From Embarrassment

I'm going to be straight up and state that I viewed porn while looking for some good looking female body parts. It seems like the face, chest, and body don't always match up in looking great all-around, so yeah, this world isn't perfect in appearance to begin with as well. I guess this is why guys have to settle because they know they can be sexually satisfied or just somehow fell in love with the asymmetrical woman.

I ended up making some dirty confessions at an online chatting site I won't mention while being anonymous. I just typed away while feeling awkward and being honest about it. It was just me with probably like five other perverted guys just staring at the screen or just entering and leaving from not having fun reading about my lamentations with porn and masturbation.

I couldn't help but just start laughing while being the only person actually writing those comments. It would be so unnatural to state all of those things out in the open. I can get pretty brutally honest myself on this blog but I try to find balance with being blunt and sensitive to others around me. Basically, my excuse is that I can say funny stuff while I'm being honest so I just let it rip with everybody. They are quite nice about it with me so far, so I don't seem to be doing that bad then.


Thursday, April 12, 2018

Time Management Issues

These days I am just about accepting how things are and just going with it. I'm pretty open about meeting people and seeing if I could find a spark with a beautiful lady and then get around to settling down with her. I can accept that I haven't really found anyone and it's really quite interesting with the laws of attraction, all you really have to do if you are interested in someone is to just ask her out. If she says no, then that's how it is and just move on from it. If she happens to be a great friend as well  then wonderful, no shame in laughing it off with her. This is just how I feel these days and it's very mellow and relaxing.

I happen to be one of those types who don't really want to jump into any relationship right away just for something alluring like sex! My Bible tells me that fornicating is like the worst possible sin anybody can do to him or herself. What's it like to be a rape victim? It's a different circumstance because that was out of your will and this is totally a heart thing so God wouldn't really count that against you, unless that has something dealing with the victim's sexual fetish which is crazy!

From taking my time, I guess I have some really high standards with a woman. I would like her to be hot and a moral person at the same time, which I'm sure is what most guys want but find it to be impossible and just go for settling down from being happy enough which I'm sure there's nothing wrong with it. I just happen to be one of those guys who can wait on a long time and even accept the possibility of never being married. It's not to say that I don't struggle with sexual temptations either while being single. I've been so fortunate as I'm going to say that ever since I decided to go celibate, I haven't lost any cream all this time even though there's an urge to do that still every once in awhile. I can still derive pleasure from being aroused without masturbating, so yeah, I'm weird with my auto-eroticism like I was as a teenager. I just have more knowledge from having read up on feedback from experienced sexual participants so yeah I'm still longing for consistent sex with a very attractive lady someday after marrying her and having so much fun!

Wow, I must be one pretty smart cookie with a decent level of patience and kindness going on. I do love people in general even though I tend to have some annoyances and rage about how to make them suffer peacefully all the time! I have done that with driving people crazy from just repeating the same questions and trying to act nice as possible. It's also rewording the same phrases in different approaches. It drives them crazy if they hate the idea or conversation piece and they told you never to bring it up. It does the same with me, even though I will opt to make some adjustments in time and just be kind to reason and speak my mind out to them. There are others who won't recover fully and just go numb with you, and I can say it's like that for most people I've had some altercation with.

In my experience, most women I've had good interactions with seem to be the most caring and sensitive and accepting when it comes to discussing about these matters; this is why I love being friends with them! It's a personal laughing matter and not bad for me when it comes to talking to guys. On the other hand, I have to be a lot more careful what I say around ladies I'm mad at. It does make others side with the person I'm bothering though, unless I end up becoming very truthful. The truth sets me free and does a whole heck of a lot of damage to opponents especially from the way I approach life. I guess the truth is the way to set the table straight and end the madness for mutually assured destruction (no one wins) in my own social interactions.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Ahhh I see

I'm starting to see that from having had the lack of genuine openness about myself and being withdrawn from certain people, it really was because I wasn't comfortable with my own shell the whole time and developed an inferiority complex. I guess it would be easy to pick on me then for being a bad person when someone is mad and just go off uncontrollably with me from having done anything no matter how minor and major it was.

Everybody isn't perfect to begin with and that's something I have come to realize. I'm not overwhelmed nor baffled by people who are more successful to me because I have the confidence to get to where I want to be. It's going to be a lot of hard work and time consuming, but it's fine because I enjoy it personally.

Therefore, I don't think I have that much of an inferiority complex anymore which mainly came from just feeling so short and rejected by others because of it. I really can accept not being paid attention to and just go with that. I don't really pay attention to those popular people and trends, regardless. I struggled so much with my own body image of not being naturally tall and in a way, it makes me feel a little bummed out but a lot of things do all the time.

From just accepting who I am, I'm completely fine these days with myself and going after improving myself constantly. It's just a matter of proper time management for me because I really do see what the right actions would be for myself, if I could just line it up in that manner and to have consistency. Another thing that's helped is to hang out with more different people consistently and to develop good friendships with ladies. I have learned to even open up with taller ladies, which was pretty difficult for me to do in the beginning.

Overall, it basically doesn't matter that I got blocked on Facebook by several annoying people. They were annoying because they became rude from not wanting to talk about something I was trying to approach nicely with them in dealing with. I should have just opened myself up fully but I wasn't able to tell them and maybe from that, they sensed some sort of weakness and went after attacking my character and being mean. I just didn't want to respond back by being immature with them, so I had a hard time in communicating about it and that's all it was. It's cool I can deal with them acting dumb in that fashion now by just being openly myself and outsmarting them, which I'm fully confident in my ability to be able to do and stay content with myself. It's like a game where two sides just go at it to see who comes up on top that round and sometimes, you are forced into it and just yelling that it's unfair the whole time from having got put into the mess. This is what I believe those dumb nuts were feeling at that time with me trying to talk about what bothers me about them nicely without trying to bully them. They knew something was up and became terrified of me and even said that to others.

I can officially state that since nothing happened to them all this time, they were like "Boy who cried wolf" with me and overly dramatic with really nothing serious. This makes them look like very cheesy people and not that highly valued by me so I might as well stop wasting time dwelling on it when it should have been my part with them that I should have well-played in the first place!

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Interesting Correlation

I haven't really seen cops all week long and so maybe it's because of dealing with tax season or something. It looks like maybe their deadlines to meet quota could have passed. I have heard from a redneck acquaintance who is a cop in his redneck territory of Louisiana that the cops there get paid nicely for writing out speeding tickets. Like it's expected for everybody, I watch my speedometer whenever they pass by. I always feel this slight feeling of uneasiness whenever they pass by; it's like I don't want to be caught up in their mess.

One of my high school buddies is like that and acts all weird about it. He ended up watching YouTube videos talking about how to assert his own rights in defense. He even said that there was a slight chance they could end up pulling out a gun and doing crazy stuff just because they have that power and he doesn't feel at ease with it. He's very observant and has a sensitivity meter at an ultra high with people's expressions. Well, good luck with that because everybody struggles to be happy in this world. He's basically the type who would just lock himself up in his own room and feel depressed all day while trying to cope with it by finding things to occupy up his time.

For my high school buddy, him being open with everybody isn't that appealing like it would be for me. I can go all crazy and be funny and just by using these keywords "crazy" and "angry" on this blog, I feel like I will be seeing a cop today on the road. It feels like someone crazy like Yuri is watching this blog and has connections with her half-effort to become a law enforcer. She thought I was harassing her from trying to pursue after her. She just didn't get it with me and wrote me a lot of obscene comments that make me cringe, so I guess she isn't that smart and there's not much I need to do in dealing with her.

Pushing Aside Curiosities For Priorities

Life changes its temperaments all the time,
It feels like everything is so whimsical like a dime,
What I mean is that trying to see things Biblical can be so cynical!

Keeping things in check can feel like a rhythm,
The things that I want to try out can be so random,
It's hard enough to do this with all my might while being right!

Monday, April 9, 2018

Different Perspective

I realize that some annoying people like to talk bad about others behind their back and are like "Don't let this out." It makes me laugh now to think about those past moments. It's really irritating to think now that those idiots weren't able to shut up! I was just like a quiet sponge and so defenseless. I was like their pet dog and unconditionally loving with my manners. I hated it so much.

When I cracked all of a sudden and went for a passive aggressive confrontation, they ended up getting terrified of me and called me crazy. It is what I is because I don't need to talk bad about others and compare myself to them with their negatives to make myself feel better. If I were to compare myself to those idiots, then I wouldn't have anything else to say because there is not much to them and they suck already! It would be depressing to feel good because I'm better than them because I have so much more to do in my life. To be filled with the joys of living and to keep on pursuing after accomplishing my goals, this is happiness to me.

It's just basically a waste of time to stay angry with the idiots of my past. I'm realizing this now and that for myself, I learned to be a more open person. What's helped me a lot is to hang with really cool and smart girls. They are cute too and probably sexy sometimes, but the important thing to me is that I learned to be a better person by opening myself up fully and being honest. This forces you to change because by not lying about yourself, you are actually working hard to improve yourself so you are not an idiot yourself. This honesty and improvement factors are very attractive to girls who you first meet and hardly know and actually went on a date with.

The cute girls I've gotten to know over the years have probably settled on me with just being friends and trying to be there for me with support and love and all of that good stuff except for an actual sexual relationship which is totally fine. I don't really need that from them because their company has meant so much to me and just doing cool stuff together, but they also have annoying sides to them as well so I guess that's why I'm so iffy about giving into some sexual temptations with them and just block it out if that ever happens to me.