Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Cool, I Think a Cute Friend Likes Me and Here's Why

I've been hanging around with this girl friend for awhile now and she's been talking about how she doesn't feel comfortable being out in the public. She talks about getting therapy for being anti-social, but she's really comfortable being around me for support. Okay, that's cool and I'm there for her because we are like family. She calls me a "friend" to other people and I just nod to them while giving a smile about it. It stings only a little because I don't have a girlfriend and she's actually pretty cute. I accept my circumstances, but lately I've been picking up on these subtle signs that she may have a romantic interest in me. It's not weird or anything, but seems all so totally natural from her end.

First of all, she holds a high standards with the girls I choose to date and a decent looking close friend of hers has expressed a little interest in me and she's just playing it off and not giving in to help us meet. It's cool because her friend has a kid while being a chill, intelligent, and pretty single mom with a boyfriend she wants to dump. I think that's nice of her to want me to not get into some complications in a relationship with a growing child and also possible ex being the father.

The biggest clue that I'm picking up on is very subtle body language. When we hang out, she's usually associating me with being so fun because that's right we do fun stuff, but that's not the deal maker. It's normal to hang out and be friends and have so much fun. It's like I'm going through the motion with her a lot and I feel bored but just give in to what she wants to do sometimes. The thing that I'm getting a glimpse of her feelings comes from possibly the way she initiates her hugs with me. When she's stressed out about something, I have noticed her giving a gentle tap. On her happy days, she will give me a full touch that feels good! Here's something I noticed- on a few days I have been not really feeling it and just being there for her because we're buddies; I've tapped her shoulder only for her to hide a frown on her face. It's very subtle and I have barely noticed it. When she has tapped my shoulder and I just gave her a high energy and positive hug, she's really embraced it.

I even have shown my appreciation for her while not really feeling that way and she responds very happily to it. Again, her body language is so subtle and I'm just tapping into the possibility that she could be interested in me romantically. I'm just cool about it! Cool! This sort of thing is happening while we are still friends and it's definitely possible for a guy and girl to go from Point A as friends and then Point XXX for marriage! I don't believe in fornication by the way and I hold to a high standard because I fear the Lord's ways and would like to honor it much as my flesh can handle and occasionally slipping with looking at naughty stuff to peak my sexual interests- umm yeah, I'm not going much further in detail because that's what I struggle with and can admit. Some guys would be openly like let it come to them, sex! I prefer to be amicable and well-behaved about it while being a patient dude. Someday I will try to perform some awesome and amazing you know with a willing and equally pleasing partner I'm married to.


Monday, June 11, 2018

Self Improvement

Reviewing a little from what I can remember with the last post about renewing the mind, I believe that in order for a person to come across with success, he or she needs to first have self-discipline and then come across appreciating what has been done because of it. If it's not that great, then I guess it would be time to look elsewhere. 

From thinking a little more about it, I now believe that if a person refuses to change his or her disposition and keeps complaining about status, then the person is being a lost cause about something. Some people are able to let it go better than others, so I'm learning to catch up to their level of letting stuff go with people who can make me mad sometimes. Basically a person who has a problem about something and needs to discuss the same thing constantly to not much improvement is pretty much a lost cause about it, and there's really no need to be invested in the talk especially if you already disagree and they are doing all they can to persuade you. This is where being smart comes in handy for figuring stuff out about almost anything happening in this world; and unfortunately, not everybody is equipped to do so like one of my buddies who keeps talking about how people are out to get him after having a major panic attack at work and leaving his position ASAP!

I think the best way for me to deal with the stresses of people I care about who are being a lost cause to me is to not invest much into it nor engage in arguing. I guess if it gets really annoying like it has been for me, it's not a bad idea to separate for awhile and finding something else to do because my buddy isn't changing and he thinks he's the best at what he does and I know clearly that he isn't. With that added time to focus on myself, I could work on achieving my personal goals and go after socializing with new people. For myself, being the most honest person I can be with people I'm personally holding in contempt is the best thing I could really do for myself and handling those annoying situations without letting my frustrations get the best of me. 


Friday, June 8, 2018

Renewing the Mind

As a human being, I guess it's normal to want to do something but just never find the time to get around to doing it. Worst, sometimes it can turn into regret and it becomes a cycle from probably some obsession or addiction and just not being able to break a certain habit. In these circumstances, there is a way to overcome those obstacles that lead us to staying human. It's basically renewing the mind.

There are five things to it for a person to obtain a renewed mind, and I'm going to mention this is a Christian post.  It's to read, study, memorize, meditate, and share the Bible. I guess you have to make time to do those things out of discipline and then grow into enjoying it and then living it. Trusting in the very essence of the Bible happens thanks to believing in Christ's resurrection.

This is what I should really be doing on a daily basis, so it would mean that I don't really have time to let my mind wander off reading other cool stuff on the Internet nor even watching TV and movies unless it's socializing with other people- only by that, I'll make the exception. I'm really going to have to prioritize on a 24-7 basis and just keep on adding up different things to do that will just keep my butt from being glued to the couch and munching on goodies.

It's probably that I feel worn out and confused sometimes and just not feeling it while not caring that I just tune into television or getting lost in my other side curiosities that waste time like a numb skull. I do it all the time. I think I'll try to get back to reading the Bible once again with the three passages, along with studying a chapter of Proverbs and Psalms and just listening in on Scriptures. I believe this is the priority I must do.

I can say that I'm hanging out with friends who do have a somewhat belief in God and Christianity so I guess I can hang in there and live by example just to be a quiet witness to them since they aren't really asking any questions or making any of these deep and serious religious considerations at the moment. Maybe I can also include praying about it during my quiet time with the Bible.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Proper Fitness

There's basically three things that a person needs to have for an ideal body he or she wants. It's proper nutrition, working out, and getting enough rest. These three things performed at a world class level on a consistent basis will make the athlete just kill stuff when it comes to doing physical and normal activities. Let's break it down into paragraphs like a five paragraph essay, starting with my first sentence being my thesis.

Number Uno, proper nutrition should take up about 80% of the time. Basically munching off of those good chips or addictive popcorn in my case while watching a NBA legendary player lose to a great team like it happened yesterday is not a great idea. It's better to get off the couch now especially because he's not going to win after losing three straight. The climax is over and it was fun before the other guy blasted a long range three pointer that just shut down the home crowd's energy and made fans start leaving. It happens! It should be easy now to get my butt off the couch because I saw a gain of two pounds on my weight scale and regretting that cheesy and caramelized melting popcorn and finishing half the bag that is fit to feed four hungry people!

Number Two, even after going to the bathroom, I saw only .2 pounds lost off my water weight. If you want to see some more excess of water weight lost, then you are going to have to work out. In addition, working out picks up your metabolism. From running only 13.1 miles a few weeks ago, I only lost about four pounds. It's like burning off a whole pizza; it's not bad at all wouldn't one say? It's more like an excuse from running only a distance of half marathon every two days to eat a lot to gain all of that weight after getting too thin!

Number Three, even after running only a half marathon one day a week and averaging about running only 35 miles in seven days, trust me, it isn't that bad as it seems, it's quite fun. I even average about 35 miles an hour in my car so to average that out in a week of running isn't really a lot if one would think on the long term scale. Proper rest so even though I feel bad to get eight hours of sleep and get up feeling all good and not knowing if I was snoring while dreaming hard about pretty ladies and on those rare occasions, I've probably been forced to take a peek from one of them being naughty but that's another case in the dream world which doesn't count! Rest is so pivotal so that you don't wake up sleepy. From being sleepy, it's easier to act stupid with simple routines like falling asleep while driving and hitting the curb and then the body just gets a jolt and sometimes, you might wake up in a hospital. Yes, proper rest helps the body recover so that you can run only another 13.1 miles freely the next day without feeling so tired!

In conclusion to this five paragraph essay regarding proper fitness, to sum it all up it's 80% proper nutrition, 20% work out, and then rest. I'm not saying 0% rest to add it up to 100% but I should add that 100% should be proper mind set and if you add in 100% rest, it becomes 300% for proper fitness. It works in the power of threes!  

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Staying Content

It's okay to suck because you can still manage. I told a buddy that he sucks at everything. I admit that I suck too because there's either greatness or just not being that good while still managing to do enough. If it's about being hot or not, then I'm at the not and accept it. I will do the best I can to not stay there, but I'm okay if it turns out that I suck.

I'm basically saying that I'm content even though I know that I suck. Okay so while going with that, I will keep on working at it and enjoying excellence. Being sleepy sucks and focusing on other things to stay relaxed when you know better sucks too.

This goes to my very unpopular conclusion because I know that I suck. I believe that the majority of people suck too like my buddy. I just don't say that they suck because it's rude. I tell my buddy everything from just being straight up blunt with him.

To be great, it has to be something memorable and consistent among a large group of people. It needs to have an ending as well and the clear goal has to be recognizable like an NBA basketball player who goes for winning a championship. I think Michael Jordan is a legendary basketball player just like a lot of people do. If a good number of people believe that you are successful like a few of my female friends believe, then I guess that's a good thing.

Improvements Made With Fitness

I ran about possibly 4.5 miles yesterday in the evening and did my usual routine of running up the hill and trying to keep myself from staying winded. I did my shower routine and then after that I lied in bed and knocked out only to wake up at about 4:30 am to get ready for work. I checked my weight scale and I burned two pounds from probably setting off my metabolism after doing some cardio for a good period of time. I'm currently weighing in at about 163 pounds and would like to reach 155 so I'm not too far away for my goal.

I plan to target my abs and arms once I reach my ideal weight and maintain some cardio on a weekly basis. I will probably get back into some high-intensity training which is fun and burns a thousand calories every session. I've toned out like crazy and even got skinny because of it. My ultimate goal is to look like I have good muscles with making the body look good and go for completing a full triathlon. It's actually a lot of fun and the only person I'm really competing against is myself and not letting others get to you can be a bit tricky sometimes, but it's fun to try to keep up with the more fit athletes who pass me up.

A lot of this happens because of one thing acceptance. I'm preaching that very heavy and because of it, I'm just laughing at my own failures and not caring and moving forward and just keep going for my goal.

Getting Laughs At Myself

I'm attracted to good looking girls and some of them are very nice, but I have no chance with them! That's funny to me. I don't think I look all that great; some days, I feel like I look a little better and other days, I just don't have it. Overall though, it looks like I can attract a small crowd of deeply appreciative people who just feel connected with someone in the group. I guess that's not bad considering how I'm not known for anything popular and that causes people to walk out on me. I also walk out on them too and not that reliable so I accept that I'm a pretty selfish guy.

On top of all this accepting negatives about myself, I just have this spark in my heart that wants to be pleasing to the Lord Jesus in my life. It's just an incredible happy place for me to seek after putting my trust in the Son of God, who walked in this earth a thousands of years ago. Because of that, I can't just settle with being selfish and going after doing stuff that a lot of people can get themselves carried away with. I'm like taken back by the thought of all of that temporary fun and have to be like enough is enough for me.

Well, it seems like having a nice relationship with a woman is nice for a change. I guess just being great friends is enough for me and I'm just like not caring if I even get turned down by them when that moment comes where I'm really interested in them. I move on rather fast and can be patient and not worry if it never happens to me because I can accept everything depressing about myself!

Laughter is sort of like my defense mechanism with all the ugly pictures I put myself through. Let's see if I can keep on making some more improvements. I'm not in any rush though, but it's just fun to see how I can make the most of it. My eyes are so small; it's funny how I look. I get a nice chuckle out of myself these days and it was hard in the beginning because I was so self-conscientious but I figure to survive in a shallow world of people who just disappear to me, a sense of humor is a requirement.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Interesting Support

I seem to get an interesting amount of support from people who I butted heads with when it comes to me dating someone. It's an odd correlation but I'm just a natural even with the worst type of people who just behave in a manner that would be too much for certain types of people. I think the support mainly comes from how I decide to run my mouth. If I hold back, then I'm going to inevitably let something slip and it's going to tick off people a whole multitude amount even though I feel like I deserved to say that from all the effort I put in to control my tongue.

For example, I was having a hard time working at the "feeling" of getting along with a girl. I ended up holding all of that frustration inside of me and then I let it rip one day in a poem. On the poem, I said she's unattractive. Guess what happened? She got so mad and didn't care when she was included in a group that got me in trouble at that "pretending to be holy" church. I'm obviously laughing about it and it wasn't that serious because they don't have evidence and it now shows that they were just being paranoid with anger issues which I was sensitive about not arousing myself, but I happened to because I released all that frustration into a joke that made me laugh so hard at them, but made them so mad. I felt bad about it so I became a sitting duck while they were making accusations that are now funny to me while thinking about it.

By me just being transparent and having a constant pattern of being the same authentic person of how I run my mouth, it seems to have a positive effect on my relationships with people I choose to have a conflict with. I think the buddy who has been replying back to me with my text messages in my overpowering comments just doesn't want me to look at him all bad for whatever he wants to do even if it's so selfish. Another guy just relented with my comments of doing active stuff to him on the basis that he acts a certain way to me much to his own embarrassment. It's like I'm flexing my muscles at him and saying that I have his number and showing it already for his eyes to see and that he has no way out of it no matter what he does, so he has to give in and not do the things that I think would make him look bad. It's something like that for ultimate persuasion that I did to this dumb sergeant in the army! It could also be that he's laughing about it when he's able to catch his breath and doesn't mind that I tore up his heart and soul like it happened in boot camp.

Anyway, I'm totally overshadowing him in a spiritual sense or that's how I feel at least while having him as a Facebook friend. He could even unfriend me and I would still feel the same, so I've been sending messages to him of that sort and he reads and has like disappeared with me on social media for awhile. He could be busy trying to balance out taking care of his baby girl and just like afraid of me in like losing his credible social status so doesn't want to push this strong expression of my personality while attacking his character. I'm only behaving in this manner because he did something, and I'm bringing it up later and from having this type of personality, with the people who attacked me in the beginning, they don't really pursue that much with me in arguing because of my responses if I go on the attack as well with them in the future. I honestly believe at a high level of certainty, he won't mind me having a girlfriend and probably wondering who it will be. I don't think he's even going to respond or think anything of it and just be like in acceptance with a slight grin on his face momentarily.

For the other buddy with a weird mind, if the girlfriend turns out to be so hot and nice, then I guess he's going to respond a little envious with me and be like thinking that I won't have time to mess with him any further so he'll find a reason to be happy for himself more than me.

Marriage Considerations

What's currently on my mom's mind is that with my birthday having passed two days ago, at the age of 35, my mom wants me to now marry any girl who I think is right for me. I'm still not ready, unfortunately. I'm working at a family business that's doing well as of late, but I don't want to rely on it for money. I'm making decent money and having little trouble saving enough for a nice home in southern California which I call home. Only way, I'm going to be able to own like a decent sized mansion is to work smarter in my investing skills which I have been letting slip up.

I guess my mind constantly starts to slip up and it just mainly involves me spending my time with reading up on stuff in the Internet and watching YouTube videos and occasionally letting my mind wander with TV. One of my not so good friends doesn't like anything negative being mentioned about him. It's actually pretty funny because I used to be like that, but he's a fairly odd guy who doesn't get out that much and thinks he's this unique and great guy. I'm just soaking in the truth and probably for that buddy he would think it's too depressing to accept so he has to elevate himself personally while questioning why some people don't seem to really like him that much.

Over these last couple months, I've lost on average one friend on Facebook per month and just to add two new ones over last night. I don't even know who unfriended me honestly, so I guess it's too many people to want to keep up with and maybe they just didn't feel comfortable about my energy. I guess my intentions could be obsessive with everyone because I just want to keep along and I hate it when people do something like that to me.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Knowing What To Work On

I had a chance to stare at my naked body with a full-scale mirror for awhile after doing a work out. I can see where I would like to work on and it's a no-brain-er that others would do this too. Whether it hurts your confidence or not is one thing and I'm sure some out there don't want to think about how hard it's been to stay consistent with obtaining and managing a nice body. The main excuse is probably because of having pain or not wanting to take it that seriously. It's like you can start worrying and then try and forget about it the next and just drop it completely out of your system. I honestly don't understand how my buddies manage to block out their feelings of insufficiency while thinking about themselves and laugh at other people's miseries! It drives me a little crazy thinking about it at that angle so I guess I have to learn to accept it even if the truth is so annoying to figure out. I guess this is what loving someone is all about and it includes accepting them for who they are including all their flaws and letting yourself stress out from caring so much about them and doing your best to stay positive that things will turn out okay.

With my body, I've been just mainly running and stretching with awesome yoga classes. It's the same old breathing hard while challenging your body to do amazing poses that require balance and flexibility. It really helps out my form with running and staying consistent for my long half-marathon sessions. I don't think it's crazy that I run this much and starting to pick up on it. It's an acquired taste that I'm sure people would eventually be aware of in others who run like I do.

Right now, I feel that I need to just develop my arms and abs. Everywhere else is actually not that bad in my body including my intimate areas! I'm not going to describe them that much out of wanting to hold it back for like the wife someday or God can inspire me to keep on exercising because of how I look! Yeah, my arms look really flabby even though I can hold up at least 40 pounds with one hand. I guess I want some definition in that area and will figure something out. Maybe that beach body workout plan might come in handy. I also want to have killer abs as well and once I have those two features, it's just a matter of becoming rich and owning my own beautiful home and landing a gorgeous wife who knows how to have a lot of fun and wants to do that with me!

It's pretty sad that my fleeting youth has been spent in playing video games, but I don't really regret it that much because it was so fun. It's just going to be sad to have kids while so old and maybe not being able to reach seeing their grand kids and the next. I could maybe raise them really well that they have so much maturity and marry young and do something that I wasn't able to do. I guess it would be better to work at improving my own line and contributing to the generations. My parents struggled a lot and weren't able to help so much in those areas from making the mistake that it was an assumption that everybody naturally know how to work at. It's pretty weird how they think in this area and it's annoying!

I thank a large part of having this rejuvenated spiritual and happy feeling is from working at having a relationship with the Lord. His Word alone brings me amazement and to my knees in worship as I allow my heart to drive out all my sins and happy to be in the faith that it's true that my sins are washed away and I can live with a guiltless conscience while loving the Lord and serving His purposes by loving others as well.