Doing Great Things While Feeling Bored

Right now, I feel so bored and don't feel like relapsing again with possibly getting the thought of watching porno or crazy entertaining YouTube videos and wasting my time with learning things that don't entertain people in the end. I might as well work on getting a lot of my personal things done because I need to.

The thing that feels good right now is that I have more money now than what I owe this month so that's a positive. It's been like this for a few months but the numbers of what I owe is about to zero out next month and it feels good because it's like starting all over with a little money in my pocket. I'm managing my finances and I also have my tax return to file. I hope I get back a good amount so I could buy some good food with it to last me a few days!

I would like to get back into the gym if there's really no girls for me to go meet in my social life. My social life is practically revolved around trying to meet attractive and single ladies right now. I don't know where it's going to lead to after that, but that's just been my main plan. I even invited out a friend who is the birthday boy this weekend to join me by text and the attractive lady I'm friends with told me it's inappropriate because I'm putting chicks over the guy's birthday. I said I understand but it would be an awesome birthday gift if I took him to one of those social gatherings of single chicks and he connected with someone!

I think the reason why I hold no grudges is because I understand myself a whole lot better and also willing to work for it. I will outsmart my opponents still and work for it so I don't mind if someone else rushes to get there before me. I'm born with the year of the pigs in the Chinese zodiac sign. The pigs came in last place so that's me- I'm taking my time and being all chill and don't mind working hard to make myself rich and outsmart everybody and laugh at all the fools who tried to do me so wrong!

Weekend Plans

One of my attractive friends is having an engagement party and she invited me out to go along with a lot of my friends. Some of them can't make it, but I told her that I would be there. I'm a little sad because I haven't met anyone good enough for me yet to marry. Well, there are two ladies I have met and have their numbers with mighty fine personalities and one of them is hotter than the other and they are also single so maybe this could even out the playing field for me these days.

I might as well sweeten the reward and work ratio by searching and adding more of those types of girls' number. The interesting thing is that those girls have come from being friends with a girl who genuinely likes me and is also attracted to me. I haven't tried to officially date her yet, but she's cool with it. She still has a lot of work left to do on herself, but she can also be a genuinely hot and sweet girl. In the end though, I think she just wants to go chill in India for the rest of her days and meditate on something peaceful at one of those religious temples all day and not do anything.

I think what I can learn off of this is that if I can meet more outgoing ladies who really like me and want to see me get in a relationship with a hot girl then I'm all golden for it! I guess she will have to be at least decent looking with a good enough personality, so I can stand hanging out with her constantly and also introduce her to more ladies of the similar kind. They can form a team and help me find some really hot girls to date and get to know!

Slight Relapse

Honestly, I'm a guy and the fact that I had porno on my mind and ended up not seeing anything even though I attempted and then just fell asleep with the laptop on my bed, I can say I got away with that one. There's a video on there that I fantasize I can enjoy someday, and I'm being honest with a great big smile on my face! Hey at least it isn't illegal and it's just plain fun even if it would not be interesting to others and just myself. If I crave it again like I did yesterday, I'm going to try looking for the right girl.

It's just going around and constantly looking for attractive and single women and getting to know them and then trying to pick someone who I like and is available to take out. It's hard because I don't really bring in that much game, but it's fun to still hang out and gain the experience I need from being friends with these ladies. I might as well start actively searching on those free or cheap dating sites, and I guess spending a little on there to send someone like a virtual rose for grabbing her attention won't hurt my pocket so much.

Overall, I think my personal concerns of not being tall, rich, or good looking enough is going to play some factor with attracting the ladies I'm into. I'll keep working on those things while looking for the right girl so that she'll enjoy them once I can obtain them. My issue with dating is probably on the level of just needing enough of the proper looks which I don't have enough of, but I can pack enough of a punch to send a statement and abuse the heck out of what I was already born with. It's just going to require a lot of personal effort with staying patient and confident while laboring after my moments I long for someday.

Utilizing Time Effectively

I believe at my ripe old age of 35 and having never been in a loving relationship with any ladies except for having only like two interested in me, I'm actually kicking myself because I had some opportunities with some fine ladies! I wasn't even trying that hard either and it just happened that she was attracted to me. I just ended up shunning her from being dumb and not thinking about my future back then. I think I passed up some really good ladies and it was the right time to try to go for it with one of them but I had some major psychological issues of just basically being a pansy!

Anyway I understand how I work and from what I hear, bad people from my past aren't going to try to interrupt my runs at chasing after success and now I know I have the capacity to debate over the little things that tick me off like a mad man on speed, so I don't really have much to worry about anymore. It's pretty much every man for himself and that's what I believe for my line of work. I just don't want to involve anyone in my trading business unless he or she already knows what's going on and has put in a lot of work already and has been through the downfalls and will accept them without having any hint of detrimental effect on our working or personal relationship. I will basically team up with other professionals so maybe we can help each other out and become so much richer!

I get what I'm supposed to be doing on my free time. When I'm feeling the urge to do something, I need to see if it has anything to do with my main goals and if not then I ought to put it aside for now because I need to invest on myself to gain the leverage eventually before I can enjoy those things. I think hanging out with ladies I'm close to really deals with finding my way to understanding what I'm looking for in a relationship and eventually recognizing a girl who is right for me and also has a love interest in me.

Long Term Work, Having Fun Later

Because of several interests that personally conflict with me, I'm going to need to set a hierarchy of giving precedence to my more valuable areas. I'm going to make a fun pledge in that I'm not going to touch my deck of cards nor play Magic the Gathering until I'm settled down from being rich and happy and with a loving wife by my side. This means that when I'm feeling the urge to play, I'm going to go searching for a hot lady to date!

Being filled with so many luxuries, it's easy to get caught up with selfish things and then mindlessly communicate about them which is what a lot of my friends do and sometimes irritate me greatly about! I'm just going to keep on trying to develop myself to get to that position now that I want and obtain my main goals in life.

For me, it's following and being knowledgeable about things found in the Bible; becoming rich off of casual trading; being healthy and an athletic person; finding an attractive and nice lady to marry (!); and lastly, helping out the world from making it more fun and also making an impact. Other than that, I'm a pretty slick person who will cut corners whenever I can and to also get away with a lot of things and even try to win silly debates while making opponents look bad. In other words, I think I might be a pretty scary person to try to disturb. Being smart and nice has its place, but when I'm so angry I'm going to have to labor from debating about my issues with people so that they will be less fearful with me and to control my urges of trying to do them a lot of wrong from being self-righteous.

Understanding Personal Meaning Of Existence

I feel like I have it down with what I'm looking for. First off, I'm grateful to be blessed with decent health by the Lord. This also means that I'm going to need to give myself a yearly physical checkup sooner or later. It's really cool to start to realize with how I want to go about my life to be happy and to even have the confidence. It's definitely a lot of hard work but mostly comes easy from enjoying the amount of time that is being put into it. In a way, it's a blessing to be so lucky all of a sudden after having invested a lot of personal effort to get somewhere.

From primarily listening to Scriptures in the car while I'm driving around to places by myself including work or going to a friend's house, I feel like the Bible is a collection of stories to listen to, along with advice on how to live a spiritual and abundant-filled life. I don't agree with some Bible teachers on how it's mainly about accumulating so many blessings while living on Earth. It's not being inclusive of those who are really hurting and also the ones who are satisfied already from only having a few luxuries. As a whole, the message is about how God personally desires a relationship with His people which has always been accessible to non-Jewish people.

It's told in stories to point out important lessons and themes and to even be able to dig deeper into it and then come to accept all of it as actual truth has always been God's intention. It's pretty much about living in the faith, and I would love to continue growing deeper in my walk with it and obtaining infallible knowledge that I could easily teach to others who can listen. However, I'm not meant to be a pastor because I know I won't be happy being there.

I think I'm meant to be a volunteer physician, which is someone who doesn't get paid for any of the services done and to even obtain training from using personal expenses. For making an actual living, I think I'm meant to be a video game developer. I can't do them because I don't have the time and money, so now I'm trying to gain riches from making wise decisions that will be profitable and also free up more time for me. This is where I have gained interest in automated trading and also swing trading. I personally think it can be the most profitable and least time consuming if it's done correctly but getting there won't be easy for anyone who tries and there will always be a risk of severe failure. It's going to take a lot of dedication, practice, and honing one's own unique craft to get there.  

Overall, having a family is something I'm definitely up for these days. I hope to have one personally soon and so I could raise some happy kids and manage a happy wife.

Finding Girlfriend Update

Right now I'm just trying to balance everything out and become a wealthy individual with a lot of free time on my hands. On top of this, I'm trying to figure it out while doing things that are technically legal or questionable things I know I can still get away with without hurting myself physically, mentally, or emotionally. I don't like the idea of being influenced by any form of drugs in general, so I know I'll keep on staying sober. I'm a nice person and there's no doubt about it to me now. The struggles I put myself through sometimes is because I don't want to cut mean people off still and from wanting to play messy with them. I'm not the person to really tick off because I can pull clever tricks out of my sleeve while being angry. It's interesting how I can argue against people calling me crazy and turn the tables around while arguing that they are and get others in the circle to side with me now.

Well, it looks like I might be moving on from a chick I'm close friends with. I'll still be her buddy, but the whole dating aspect is something I'll lay low with. She likes me and is attached to me to the point that I'm like a true big brother to her and someone who can keep up with her preferences of traveling and doing fun things together. I don't like being called a brother by her though because it feels messed up to be honest. Yet, I have been analyzing her personality this whole time and for myself, I think it would really suck to be her boyfriend right now.

It's got to the point where I have hung out with physically attractive ladies enough already that now I'm not so hung up so much on their appearances. I only need to be attracted enough and don't have to weigh it equally anymore with the personality. I think having the beautiful personality that I'm looking for makes her appear so much hotter for me. So far, there are two ladies I feel this special vibe with because of their personality. I'll have to get around to trying to get to know them more sometime.

More Regrets Added

Something I see myself improving upon is that I could get the small things done that have historically taken me forever- like packing for a trip! Just for a weekend trip, I started packing around midnight and the trip starts today and it took me three hours! Yikes, how does a guy end up doing that? Well, it makes sense and sort of once I mention that I have a lot of gadgets all over the place that I'm trying to find, along with a lot of materialistic things to help keep me comfortable. It's going to be super cold and I even thought about going out late night shopping to pick up food that I will cook on the trip.

All these little thoughts of planning came into play and I had to jam it all in under a three hour session. The only thing I'm really grateful for is that I managed to finish planning what to do for making it a fun and interesting trip the day before. It was the fun and easy part for me and didn't take that as long as considering what I wanted to bring and wear and having to sort through a whole pile of old things that don't seem so fun while going anywhere.

Basically, I regret finishing my long packing sessions on the night before and really getting going at the last minute especially when sleep is a valuable thing. I guess since today is a Friday and I can be historically up all night regardless of how much I slept the night before then maybe it could pass for being okay. The crazy thing is that I can't do it so well on a Friday night because I will then have to kiss my weekend goodbye to recover. It's interesting that maybe Thursday nights are really my peak-filled sessions where I can brainstorm and be so active all I want to be. I wonder how well I would do if I found myself surrounded with attractive, sweet, and single ladies who wanted to stay up all night to chat with me.

Creating Solid Routine

I think my passion lies a lot with self-improvement and making cool stuff happen so it does involve a lot of self-planning and executing. My negatives is that I don't feel like it sometimes and then I can get carried away from entertaining myself with the little things while feeling like it's so great being in that moment. Don't you just love good movies?

Another negative is that I sometimes feel anti-social and nervous about what I did or said around people and that they are going to in turn cut me off. It happens to me occasionally regardless so it sucks, and I don't have any control over it. I can however debate and in the past, I became carried away over stupid things with people. What's crazy is that I feel like I bounced back now and I'm more in tune minus the angry hulk-like arguing. I really like being more in tune with myself and these negative emotions filled with anger and worry sometimes. I sort of love people so I can't resolve myself to stay mad at them forever, no matter what they did.

After all, it really doesn't matter now with the bad things people did to me. Seriously, they look pretty bad and helpless still and I just don't care about it. If they weren't this way, then I would have my hands full. This is how I felt those people were in the past, but now I resolved my personal issues that I don't feel that way about them anymore and can support them like they are facts and debate all day while enjoying myself. It's really about not breaking the law for me and debating and bending the system much as possible to get things my way. Therefore, I realize communication no matter how it's done and whether it's verbal or non-verbal, it's the most important technique to master for me so I can get things my way from stubborn and sinful people while always sounding and looking like a cool guy too!

Back To Making Same Mistake

I think my mistake yesterday was just making the decision to watch entertaining magicians on YouTube. I felt that I would only spend a few minutes before doing something else and then I just didn't feel like it and kept on watching for a few hours before hitting the sack. I think the keyword is dealing with whether I feel like it or not and that's probably the reason why I didn't do it and so I feel like an idiot today.

The problem is that it crossed my mind that I should start preparing for my friend's trip coming up tomorrow and knowing myself, I would take forever to get ready. One of the reasons that showed itself is because of my procrastination from preferring to entertain myself over getting my priorities done. From constantly doing this, I get all depressed and feel stupid so I put an end to it. There hasn't been any way for me yet to keep myself in check and be consistent besides just cut into time to get it finished when it feels a little inappropriate.

From what I'm realizing, it's just decision making at the core and the feelings of whether I want to do it or not coming into a factor. I know everybody deals with these emotions and what separates the happy and successful from the rest is that they have a passion that has worked out quite well for them. It must be that planning for trips might not be my passion and I know a close friend who is annoying while she tells me what I have to do, but she is so detailed for a girl and cares for her own stuff so much that the selfishness sort of shows for me; and I want to resent it sometimes, but I just keep quiet and put up with it. I don't know, but she is still single and is interested in guys and I'm like the main guy friend she has right now. If I find her to be a little scary or annoying sometimes but guys are still finding her attractive, then maybe she's really all about keeping up with first impressions but has trouble maintaining her composure because she does have panic attacks and cares about something else besides being in a relationship.

I guess her priorities currently then aren't really about being in a relationship based on how she is. She just over-stresses things and can't help herself from being that way sometimes. I mean I'm still attracted to her sometimes and don't think it's strange at all though. At this point, I'm going to put my thoughts of pursuing after her on hold and go searching for other fun and attractive, single ladies I can meet and try to connect with. I don't want to regret this decision so I'll be going for the best I can get, and I'm seriously over the feelings of how it's taking so long now. I will labor and keep on looking for the right opportunities and just go for it when things are just settling in and it's like the person would just know underneath.  

Feeling Good Today

Yesterday, I actually set out to finish what I had in mind and boy, it feels great to look back on it a little today. I want to keep this going from now on. I made a tough decision to lay off of porno and I feel like tapping myself on the back. The temptation is great while having no girlfriend to prepare myself to be the best lover I can be. It feels like since I have no date, I can permissibly look at that stuff to feed my curiosity and find answers that will suit my purposes. Yet, I don't feel clean about it and it isn't illegal to do and I'm getting away with it being all free on the Internet but I just feel so much more pure if I lay off of it.

I guess I can put in some work with sex once I find the right person and marry. For now, I should be getting squared away with making tons of money and building up my body in the gym and also going out there to meet all the interesting and attractive single ladies I can get to. For getting all the glory from a human standpoint, it's the guys who need to take a risk of getting rejected and possibly the really pretty ladies who buried themselves with some personal problems won't buy into much the guys are trying to offer them. It's pretty much going to look like a bust for the guys to go after them, but it's life and without going after it still, there won't ever be the opportunity again. I think it's irritating and bothers me a lot for some guys out there to chase after women once he knows they are already taken. I'm still not going to do that even if I feel a connection with her. I just won't and still don't care if a lady I end up dating does it to me. I'll just move on to the next and better person out there I can pursue after.

By putting in great effort and making the right decision, the momentum just carries over and it can't even be done while being self-conflicted. It was tough to get out of all those little annoying issues that was constantly badgering me, but I feel so much more confident these days and I think it's thanks to my profession which I'm so lucky and blessed to have. I really have to be thinking a lot and be so detailed and logical about it while testing these concepts to see that they follow through with near perfect execution. This is what software developing is all about and it's something I seriously enjoy doing and even getting paid for.

Detailed Commitments

Today, I haven't really found any interesting events with enough attractive ladies stating they will go so I'm going to need to work on the upcoming trip I have with friends. I'll be going up north with 16 friends to the beautiful Yosemite National Park and staying at a big Airbnb place. We each only needed to pay about $33 to spend the weekend lodging there which is a great deal for all of us. I'm looking really forward to hiking some cool scenic areas and visiting some spots. My friend who organized the event is only in it for just hanging out and cares about what she's going to eat and who is going to drive up there. Everything else is out in the air for us to decide.

I think I'll put in a little effort and have fun with looking up some cool places that would be easy to hike for my friend who is out of shape. She used to be extremely attractive while young and then she just gradually let herself go with a belly that grew an inch like every year and now she's pretty fat but still has a cute face! She's the one who says she likes me and thinks I'm her type.

Yeah, today I don't really want to let my mind wander off and do things I don't really need to. At this age, I should be always working on anything to get myself squared away so I can be happy later on. I'm going to accept now that if things don't go my way then it doesn't but I'm going to try my very best and even if I fail to do anything about it today, I will try to do it tomorrow and keep this mentality going.

I no longer really care what others think as long as I'm not in trouble with the law. I will even bend the legal system much as possible to get things my way and start laughing at all the poor losers who hate me, but I'm going to try to befriend them still because it's in my spiritual DNA for some reason. I like to talk in a way where I just talk and people don't react to things especially if it's a controversial subject and also talking while being completely myself and unhinged. Therefore, I have a really huge ability to debate about the little things which I left dormant all these years because I was lazy to do it and blamed it partially for causing me to have guilty feelings from yelling at all those annoying people and arguing with them. It's probably pointless and that's part of my argument also to win those debates. I say this is absolutely pointless and I'm going to win at life even without your help. Bye now!

Update In Personal Philosophy

I believe there's always that one thing any person will just look for, unless he or she is just open to how to things are. It's just normal to be one-dimensional but there's really a purpose for how everything else is now. To be on the short end of it, well it's not always a pleasant feeling and to imagine myself arguing all day about it with shouting and expressing myself, it actually sort of feels good with the thought of doing nothing but verbally attacking the situation like that. Okay, I'm saying all of it with a laugh because I like to always play to end up on the smart end of things.

Yet, to feel like a loser doesn't necessarily mean that life is all over. There's a period where you can just regroup and work so hard for it. It's difficult and depressing sometimes to just screw up something and to constantly have this cycle going on. Why not just give it all up and settle with being sad and not entirely satisfied with anything?

There's a standard that we all accept I guess and are happy to live under. I just happen to be one of those who wants to always go for greatness and be on top with everything. It's hard to fill those orders and to let down people and lose some Facebook friends (my literary casualties). It even hurts for me but I guess I could use those letdowns from being a letdown to someone else to make me strive to be a better person and continue to go for streaking my way to the top, once again.

Living With Solid Plans

Basically, it seems like the incidents that I've been through have been so stupid that I think only a few people notice my controversial patterns and end up shutting me out for some reason. I've been maintaining a bunch of female friends lately and it's now that I'm regularly in contact with ladies more than guys now. It's still about the a 50-50% ratio because I don't have that many friends, but the ladies outnumber the guys by a little still.

I'm still looking for the one and I'm basically friends with two single ladies. There's a third one too but she's like way out of my league or she wants to feel that way I guess. I don't feel that comfortable about having a relationship with her anyway even though she is good looking and a nice person to be friends with on occasion.

I guess I just don't really care about the past anymore with how people made me mad now. I'm pretty much over it because I realize I can just debate my tail off and feel like I got somewhere now. It's just that I was so lazy from doing nothing about it and was painful sitting there and feeling like I'm always burning with anger and not being able to do anything about it. Those feelings really suck and I'm glad I'm figuring myself out over these little issues now. It's like passing these small trials so that I could be equipped for something really serious.

Meeting Attractive Girl For First Time

It turned out that I hung out with my friend and she invited out two other Korean ladies to hang out with us. I dropped the top of my convertible down and drove in the cold night of downtown LA. They really enjoyed it and I even asked if I should put it back up. Anyway, my friend loves to be a wing woman at her own accord even though she told me that she likes me and I'm her type. Hanging out with Korean ladies for me is like finding a spec of gold that came from nowhere- it's a rare opportunity for me these days, especially if she's attractive and friendly and that's what happened.

My friend said that hot Korean girl is the perfect match to me and I just started laughing while she was talking about how we hit it off. She was acting very affectionate with me and I chose not to attempt to kiss her or anything like that. I don't go for things like that right away even though I was pretty turned on for the rest of the night while around her. I have a fantasy in mind of living out from letting the passionate heat build up into a marriage. I got to know her pretty well because she was really open and had a moody fight with one of her best friends on the phone. She is a very outgoing girl who likes to do anything with people she enjoys being around and I got on her good side with first impressions, so that turned out good.

Comparing to the sister of my friend who tries to always be a wing woman and I'm sometimes attracted to, it might be a really nice upgrade if I can take it to the next level. On top of being Korean which my parents would be ecstatic about, she's pretty hot to me and I'm really into her happy-go attitude. You just can't make her mad or things will be so ugly fast. I get that and I feel I'll have to get to know her better while having more fun. I'll see if she's able to free herself up more often to just hang out. I will have to see where it leads to because I have really good history right now with the sister of the friend who likes me and wants to set me up with any hot girl she or I think is a match and her sister has been constantly rejecting guys for awhile now even with nice opportunities coming up for her.  

Putting in Lots of Effort

I am around a lot of people who say curse words like it's in their regular daily vocabulary. I find this among successful people and commoners I'm friends with. I have said "Shoot" so many times with my vocabulary and they assume that to be something else. I have said "Freak" all the time too, so yeah, I guess I'm a wild culprit of joining in with the swearing also!

I want to stop even saying those little words like "Shoot" and "Fudgeon mother freaking dooshy person." It's going to take a lot of effort to stop and for the most part, I believe it helps out with clearing the mind and thinking rationally so you can do some butt-kicking baby while debating with some dumb folks! I have experienced those small wins and to have received it by default from being lazy, man it doesn't feel right. I need to put in so much effort to go for those overkills.

Building Confidence

Mainly, I believe it's about spending time wisely and just continuing to push for a goal no matter how hard it is. It's almost the lifestyle of a masochist even. There needs to be plenty of passion while being in pursuit for something. Without it, life really doesn't feel so worthwhile. I'm pretty envious over the smart or talented ones who know what's up with their lives and are really settled in, especially those attractive people who are sweet Christians. I'm actually grateful those guys exist in this world, and I hope I can be like them someday even though I don't have an exact role model in another person except for the Son of Man!

I'm going after typical guy things now and I just need to minimize wasting my time while going after the most important agendas and being patient about it. I don't think I have time for entertainment now; otherwise, I'm going for just hanging out with another girl. I honestly don't feel like a loser when I hang around girls I feel like I'm in tune with even if we aren't officially dating. It just feels really nice for me and I believe I'm still slowly working my way to landing a really nice relationship with someone.

My big three originally was Bible, trading currency market, and working out. It's now including with finding the one and good health. Everything else is just the extras if I'm able to get around to it for friends or because I need to unwind doing something else. It's time to work my life around this and find closure while forcing patience upon myself with always desiring having great sex! 

Joining The Small Winners' Circle

What I have always enjoyed ever since I broke out of my shell starting from college is beating the living snot out of small arguments I have with people and coming out of it feeling like a winner and with no regrets. It's always been a part of me, and I even did this with my nasty little sister back in those days. She is much more chill these days and shows signs of accepting me and not all about coming in my face because she knows that won't end well for her. It's been always like this for me, but my knack has been to grow as a person and eventually lead myself into the right direction while taking a long time to get there. I never had any true role models besides putting my trust in the far-away, Son of Man and I'm just not sharp enough as I would like to be, but that's an area I have come to accept. 

A huge part of myself I struggled long and hard to let go of were those polarizing emotions filled with regrets from being short-tempered and saying smart things while not remembering what I said. It's funny because I felt like a mental hulk- the angrier I got, the harder I worked and tougher my mind became to beat down an opponent's argument. I don't really like this part of myself that much because I felt it was cutting it a little too close on the edge of constantly sinning while in this state of mind. I did well enough with something stupid that constantly bothered me and I'm probably going to have to thank that church group for the circumstances they put me through which was over really nothing, but I never released all of that mental and hulk-like energy at them because I didn't want to so all those thoughts of what to do about it just kept on lingering all these years.  

I now know myself enough and am thankful I exercised enough self-control to beat out the all-time disturbing restraining orders. I scared the living daylights out of them from not going away while they were shouting and having a hard time with me when I would bring up something they didn't want to let go of. Yeah, they are still crazy and hold a grudge about the past and will say that about me but not realizing it themselves. I'm only going after my interests now and don't really see any reason to be mad at them because their efforts ended up being futile [I never saw a day in mental hospital nor prison with them always claiming I would someday] and I see myself as a winner confidently and proudly enough to boisterously express myself like this around them. It's pretty much about going all out with debating about my interests they are loathing about while they are arguing from being bothered and trying to force into them they need to let the past go now because it really doesn't matter to me and also do what I ask of them!  

Racking Up Small Wins

Those crazy sons of normal mommies- I'm not trying to swear here. I have heard a guy who was my supervisor and a girl who I'm close friends with start swearing about someone they were mad at and start laughing about it in person. I am tempted to do so, but I think it's just immature in a raw sense and stupid to feel empowered by it. Maybe, that's why they ended up swearing in the end about that person while around me. I'm just not going to go there because I developed this propriety as a kid.

These days even though I'm fending off people over my interests and starting to lead ladies who are angry with me to calm down and stay friends with me, I still have those moments where I talk to myself while I'm certain no person can hear me and every word I let out is a swear word. I must confess that I'm not even thinking about the person I'm swearing about now, but mainly blaming the stressful situation I'm in. It's like oh, I'm in a stupid [person's name] situation.

It's seriously funny I know and even the lady friend I had a conversation with on Messenger this morning mentioned I'm being funny while complaining about her issue with me. She just wasn't in the mood to laugh from probably thinking it was inappropriate. Anyhow, she went back to her usual self so I think I'm in clear waters once again. I know she's going to see me a little differently because I took the small win over a silly quarrel which was just her being bothered with me about something in the past. I thought it was a fun debate about my personal interests in the beginning though until she got tired and upset of trying to tell me what's really up with her. It's good I was receptive to her though and said sorry for putting on my offending 'A' game while arguing that she is being crazier than me!  

Living Life To The Fullest

Currently, my main agenda is getting married to a beautiful lady who is also physically attracted to me and really about having sex regularly! Okay, I'm not going to lie on this blog but I'm not so open about this topic around some ladies. I believe I can talk like this to guy friends though and they can understand me a whole lot for the most part.

I have decided to go back onto dating sites and this time, I'm going to use the free ones. I may have some fun with the paid services that offer guarantee policies. A few major ones like Match.com and E-harmony are now offering a free six-month extension if the participant still hasn't found anyone. I might as well just go to the gym and bulk up now since I've leaned out enough from enjoying six mile runs and good hikes regularly. I am still trying to make a lot of money from learning how to be a trader on the side.

I'm just going to be actively trying to connect well with women who are attractive to me online as well as continuing to try to meet some at events I go to. It would be awesome to fall in love with an attractive and nice woman! I think I'll just try to hang out with most of them because I figure I'm not going to have the initial appearances they are looking for. I'm okay with just staying friends and keeping it there. I'm just trying to find the one and making friends with these ladies will probably give me some really good support.

The reason why I like those guarantees and free sites is because there's no pressure from feeling like I'm wasting time from expecting to not get replies back from the majority of attractive girls because I don't want to spend money if it's not going to work. If it's free then it really doesn't matter so I don't have to worry about giving it up. This is really my life now and my parents pretty much have no say in who I have to marry. I'll put myself through the trials and go after coming out on top with everything.  

What I'm Finding Out About Dating Girls From Being Short

I now realize that with a guy being short, it only counts for the initial physical attraction with another lady he is interested in. In a lot of cases, the typical lady will end up rejecting the short guy and might give a few tall, handsome, and nice guys a chance because she's attracted to it but I have finally noticed an exception to all of this! It really doesn't matter and it still doesn't end there. It's so much harder to pick up on these important nuances about dating from nice people but I will just share what I'm able to right now. The main idea is that it's about making a genuine connection.

I'm not talking about how a guy should jump the gun by immediately claiming an attractive girl likes him just because she was smiling while looking at or talking to him. Just maybe, there's that look or the thing you know a girl does usually. For the most part, I think it's pretty ignorant for a regular guy to talk about this and it might be just for purposes of trying to brag about it for an ego boost or maybe decide further if he's going to act on it. I've noticed my shy friends don't go any further with really trying to ask her out because he might find reasons to not like her, stay preoccupied with something else, or in rare instances, prefer to be lazy and not want to risk the possibility of losing her later on. 

Being the short guy and just casually building great friendships with a few girls, I've learned to accept from them now I'm not that bad looking on the eyes. What they mention about the physical attractiveness of other guys really doesn't matter. It's just from talking to ladies that you can get a nice feel for them and there's just some of them who you find have this great personality and share a really good vibe with. I think it's only natural to want to go after the cream of the crop best as possible until it's time to close the deal and tie the knot with someone. For any guy in general, I believe it's mainly about communicating well enough with the girls he's interested in while working with what he already has on the table for the lady who will consider all of those factors. 

In an ideal world situation, I think it would go something like this. The guy finds the most beautiful woman ever and does a little to go greet her. The girl initially finds him to be irresistibly charming and handsome. They end up forming a satiating relationship which has an unbreakable bond while sharing so many things in common and balance each other's differences and fall in love. They live happily ever after.       

Losing Family

It looks like I'll be losing an uncle in law tonight who lost the battle with Lou Gehrig's disease. He suffered a heart attack after having trouble breathing a few nights again and then was put into an induced coma at the hospital after the paramedics managed to resuscitate him. He did live to be 77 years old which is considered to be still too young to go these days, but it is the average lifespan of an American male.

I held back a lot of tears while visiting with family and watching his body involuntarily breath air while hooked to a machine. It seemed like he was really suffering while his eyes were fluttering with movement. I felt he was responsive and could hear all of us but just wasn't able to respond. The last few nights didn't go well for my cousins who noticed their dad had severe seizures. After the doctors stabilized him, one of my cousins reported he was practically brain dead.

It's pretty sad to see him go out like this, but it just gets me thinking personally how I would like to have close family by my side too if I ever was in this position. Maybe it could be just my closest friends at this point, but it would sure be neat to be married to a good wife and have a few responsive kids who didn't care they turned out to be also short! Honestly, I don't know why I'm selfishly thinking about how I have no shot from being a short guy in this side of the world, but I don't think it's really about the height anymore because there may be other ways to physically attract a woman. I guess it's just something that will have to be natural from continuing to meet ladies.

Overall, I do believe in the Bible even though it still hurts and how he's moving on to heaven, the best place for any human soul to end up in. It's sort of a celebration for the life he lived and he did well for someone who suffered this incurable disease.

Boy Some Girls Are Cold And Cryptic

I'm close friends with a girl who is liked by guys every once in awhile and doesn't go after hooking up. She is prioritizing on school and feels too awkward about dating classmates. She let me know that she can cut off people so easily, so that actually scares me now that I think of it! I told her that I think she's attractive sometimes just to illustrate a point. She said thanks and that she doesn't see me in that way. My initial thoughts were like "Liar!" and man, that didn't feel good. My point just connected to how I am as a person for her to better understand me because I didn't like how she didn't believe that I literally had a few ladies interested in me. I ended up telling her my stories and how I didn't do anything in the end. She called me a newbie but I think it's because I just didn't feel comfortable about going for it. She says that I should just go for it next time, but I seriously wondered why to myself and made me feel sort of mad so I didn't ask her that time.

At this point, I really feel like moving on from her and going after finding someone who would be better. We do get along really well as friends though and maybe it's just best to stay that way with her and try to find the one, but it's probably not going to be her. When I left her home, I just left without giving her a hug because the thought of how she didn't see me that way kept lingering in my head and also how she told me she had to go to the bathroom. 

My Five Key Areas To Living So Far

It's very simple that I can describe it in a few words.

1. Self-maintenance
2. Self-improvement
3. Self-development
4. Try to find her
5. Try to talk to her

Online Dating Stories

My story of online dating is very dumb and it caused me some heartache because I lost a lot of cash and still ended up with no love of my life. As a lonely guy and wanting to be a cheerful giver, I ended up giving money to a stranger who kept on sending me flirtatious messages while I was lonely. It's like I was paying for only an expensive service underneath the table and never ending up with anyone. Nothing really changed during those depressing months, so I ended up doing the hardest thing ever which was blowing off the person. It happened to me twice and then on the third time I said something like thanks for the free messaging service and it was a lot of fun. On the third time, I never heard back from the person again. I don't even know if it was the same person pretending to be someone else each time. It just sickens me to be vulnerable to these scammers who are only in it for the money. If the money goes away, they will stop bugging because there's no point for them to continue working for it. In the end, there really was no love and they were so smart because if I ever felt like blowing them off sooner, they were trying to make it look like it's all my fault. It was a very abusive chain of emotions and I just couldn't deal with it anymore so I bailed and now I've recovered after feeling like a victim to it. It's basically all my fault and I lost a lot of money, but now I'm slowly gaining all of it back again and have experience to not repeat the same mistakes again. It even took me twice to learn because I forgot about it the first time.

Lately, I've been looking up online reviews whenever I feel tempted about giving into something. There have been people who receive the same scam like a lot of people have received these strange automated voice messages about the IRS trying to send us to prison because we have tax issues. I don't pick up calls anymore with numbers I don't know now because I'm just too nice. There was at one point though I picked up a call while someone said something and then I just hung up too not too long ago.  

I met a legitimate lady who was really interested in me from Craigslist out of all places. She was really in it for a booty call but I ended up rebuffing her. She has tried to chase me, but I felt so uncomfortable about her personality and life-style. She appeared to be a sex addict and much more crazier than I am about viewing porn, but she wasn't hot to me so I never felt like I was in the mood for it. She was really into me and she ended up stealing a kiss out of me. She wanted to make out after, and I was like no thank you. I dropped her off and that was it. I even met a sweet Vietnamese girl on there and she was great but she was a single mom and I felt uneasy about it while some people felt we were a couple too but looked so alike and maybe claiming incest I guess.

Craigslist out of all places is a very embarrassing to meet up people for dates and so they ended their reign of free dating ads in recent times which was always infiltrated by scammers. I even left a fake ad about how I had a lot of money and wasn't giving it away and so handsome and wanted ladies to message me. Only one angry lady ended up replying and was a scammer of all people.

These days I'm advancing in my methods of how I use the Internet to meet ladies I'm interested in. Mainly, I'm looking for the ones I'm physically attracted to and then just trying to say hi to them in person and go from there. I don't really mind anymore if they are not interested in me; the process of going for it has been fun. So far, I have met one attractive Vietnamese lady who I think might be great for me since she loves hiking and camping. I felt sort of a connection and interest like I wanted to be acquainted more with her later on. I told her that and she said "Yeah!"

Finding Productive Things To Do

Being successful is pretty much about one doing his or her own work and finding out what works best. It's a lot of hard work and takes time with the proper focus. It can seriously be done under one's own terms and this is how it should be. It's just really difficult, but I think there's going to be something that matches a person if he or she keeps on going around looking for it.

I believe that I found my outlet and I just need to now put in a lot of effort, and it's also good to know that I'm really enjoying myself lately from trying to succeed at it. For my own reasons, I think it's the best thing a person can do for earning some income and having a lot of free time to do something else. Right now, I would really like to have enough hard-earned money to own a nice home, pay off my car and remaining loans, have the luxury of going to fancy places, and continue to look for making smart investments while having so much time on my hands.

It's never going to be easy, but I guess it's all about putting in the hard work while having enough convictions to stick with something. I ought to settle down a bit with my silly side now and commit myself to staying focused.

Forming Successful Patterns

I'm starting to tap into some greatness for trading currency. People usually ask me to clarify if I'm dealing with cryptocurrency. I just say that it's like trading stocks and that I have had a little success with it. Once I mention this, it causes most of them to have some interest. I love the people who really stay quiet about it with me and don't ask me any further. I don't know why, but I don't like sharing too much about it and don't even want to be well-known for it if I get so good at it. I usually end my story about how it's a huge gamble and it is to me, but I happen to highly enjoy it though.

I guess I like telling my story about how I hired some hot shot and put in $2000. He ended up blowing my account up to $10000 while managing his performance fees and also my monthly bills in three months! It was great until he lost about half of it the next month and then I ended up firing him. Ever since, I have been on a quest of becoming a trader myself and I'm getting better with it.

I'm just looking for something reliable and not time consuming. If I find this out, my lips are sealed practically. I think I will only share with the people closest to me though and the ones who truly deserve it. I really think it's going to be too much work to teach anyone though because it's just years of testing and honing personal skills. It needs to be all done by the person's effort and it's going to have no price tag big enough for me to be a consultant. I'll just be making money in the shadows and not an insane amount that it would attract the wrong people. Just enough to be barely wealthy and have fun with the money pouring in and not worrying too much about it. Maybe I won't mind after designing a more inferior product that still works okay, but this big time money making method will be hidden from everyone. I honestly don't feel comfortable because there's always a chance of losing it all, so this is probably where I have about 100% fall out from asking me to go any further with them. It then becomes about donating to charities, paying family bills, and hooking up great buddies from time to time.

This is something I will guard with my life. I told off one of my buddies about how I think he gets crazy whenever he has hookups because he doesn't know how to handle the pressures of staying on top. He will end up trying to do selfish tactics that are not beneficial for everyone, but he has never really risen to the top and so I want him to stay where he's at and to figure it all out on his own. If he never gets to it, then he wasn't meant for it. This is what I believe applies for everyone else except for those few beautiful people in my life I'm very close to- probably just my little sister and future wife.  For my parents, I expect to give them a nice payout so they can't make me feel they can say to do whatever they think is best for me and I get to always call my own shots for life! Overall, the key will be to look for successful alternatives to back me up once I can keep up to make a living with this lifestyle I'm so drawn to.

Making A Few More Efforts

I think what is really distracting to me is if I write funny things to people I'm bothered by. The reason why I do this is because I'm so mad that I'm blowing off my steam by laughing my head off while making fun of that person after writing something for them to read about themselves. The fact that I'm still alive means that I've been reasonable enough for them to not try to get back at me and see if they can force me to move on!

I guess I love being in the spotlight for that little thing that bothers me and only to have that special moment with only the person, so writing in a way to people I'm mad at is always sort of like my botched mating call. It's never going to turn out that pretty, no matter how hard I try. People being people and selfish about not wanting to deal with someone who they can't really get in trouble and more angry than I am at the moment for making fun of them and being rude like that, they have usually ended up blocking my messages. I then sometimes had the nerve to keep on writing to them still by opening up other accounts. It only takes me like a minute because I have like ten different email addresses that I never use. It's usually at my second or third try that they end up ignoring me from that point on or not even use their social media. I'm the guy who gets mad and influences the person I'm mad at to not really put too much attention on it. The ones I'm nice to but iffy about because of his or her strong connection to a dork I have been mad at don't really have this issue with me, which is quite sensible of me I guess!

I might as well just keep on trying hard and to put in the time, energy, and effort while feeling drained and even lacking in motivation a bit. It's like I have to know it's good for me because it's going to keep me occupied and there's a purpose to what I'm doing. I want to live a purpose driven life and going to have to accept that I'm putting on big stakes for practically gaining pennies and have to do those sparingly because it's just in my prideful nature to want to have fun and get away with it after executing them.

Main Things To Deal With

Right now, I'm pretty much trying to find a girlfriend and really don't care how sad I would feel about it now if I were to get turned down by a cute girl! I just don't want to come across looking stupid and being laughed at for it. Maybe, it wouldn't be so bad considering how guys marry ladies eventually but have to try to ask them out and it's something that's very easy to understand and even communicate if the lady isn't mad at the moment!

In the mean time, I want to work out more because it feels good with the thought of having a great physique and to enjoy being looked at by the love of your life! I'm going to have to say that my future lady always looks so much better than me and I will never get there, but I can have fun trying and eventually effortlessly while sporting chocolate-shaped abs!

This is very fun to write about, indeed! It's like I've been ending every sentence with an exclamation so effortlessly! I don't know if people get it, but it's a personal cue for me to test if I will laugh so hard my belly will want to cause the button of my trousers to fall off! It's like I have such a cheesy and very practical sense of humor!

Few Adjustments This Month

I'm just trying to find an attractive and nice lady who happens to be attracted to me also and see if we can fall in love! It's really that simple hands down with what I want and while in the process of going for it, I'm trying to gain a lot of riches effortlessly. I don't really mind the amount of work I put into it, as long as it becomes effortless and it's something I really enjoy doing and won't take that much time for me in the end. I don't want to be an office person, neither do I want to work long hours on any field while being some consultant. I want to stay home and have the liberty to do what I want and go with any direction while not having to worry about the money and staying grounded from listening to the Bible whenever I get the chance!

It's weird how some people like to advise me and it's really annoying but I guess I'm not the only way who would feel this way. It's been so aggravating to me that I usually end up shutting them out and letting them know I'll get to my destination without any of their assistance and tell them to do the same without me. One guy is my friend and pretty dumb as nails and I told him this because he has his moments of being selfish and not wanting to take anything else in except for sticking to what he believes in. He then sticks to trying to give his same advise to me, but I guess depending on how people responded to him, he still hasn't changed and doesn't want to and hardly does it with anyone else but me because I'm literally like the only guy who can have serious talks with him and he feels comfortable around me. It's just his personality where he believes he is absolutely right and then just will get depressed when his ideas don't turn out the way he thought. He's pretty ignorant about himself because he doesn't want to feel depressed neither does he want to put in a lot of effort. He's pretty much useless for me, so I told him that I'm going to ignore him for about two years and see where that leads to with my quest of finding a girlfriend. He's pretty much a distraction for me!  

Committing To Things

Yesterday, I ended up not having much to do so I had a lot of fun watching hall of fame speeches from famous athletes. The really entertaining ones were from watching old WWE videos. These guys were talking about how they started out wrestling for only $25 a night and traveling around 500 miles everyday. A lot of them mentioned about how it started out with being really hard and wanting to give it all up, but then they would find the right person to mentor them which would lead them to become popular with fans and make tons of money.

Even dwarves have found limited success in popular media, so I just can't see why I wouldn't be able to also with anything I can see myself enjoy doing and earning lots of money. Currently, I'm starting to see a light shining brightly with making a lot of money while putting in a little bit of strong effort and concentration each day. It's like an artform for me while being systematical and looking for more opportunities to keep on making money effortlessly.

I'm not really the type to share with others about this because I don't think it's fair to have others benefit from this when someone like myself worked so hard for it. It's pretty much educated gambling the whole time for me and I don't want to encourage others, unless they just stumbled upon it by fate and trying so hard to get there. There's always going to be this humble feeling that goes along with the winnings. I fear for my life that I will lead someone to lose a lot of money and I want to avoid it from happening. There's always going to be a chance I end up losing it all no matter what precautions I take, so I will have to work hard to find backup alternatives to keep going in case any of my investments shut down and that's going to take too much time for me to take on a protégé. Maybe I will give up the how-to information for close people in my life who I think really deserve to use the money, but that's about it for me.