Online Speech

Be sure to click on the YouTube Video for the online speech I'm about to deliver. I'm going to try to mock the State of the Union Address that is delivered by the President each year.

I address you members of Congress for this moment unprecedented in the history of the Union! For the word unprecedented there is no greater present time for the need of American security. I have finally outlined my New Years Resolution. Let us begin where I left off from last year! (hit play button)

To increase my IQ score by at least ten points (currently 125) ...

applause

To be at peak shape of my life ...

applause

To discover true love and not engage in any suspicious hocus pocus self-awareness tactics ...

cheerful applause

To make advancements to my career ...

applause

To grow my hair back after losing a little and get a little more taller (currently forced myself an inch and half taller) ... how do you make yourself taller? Do yoga stretches that fill up the spinal column fluid
in your vertebral spinal discs. By doing so you will permanently look about two to three inches taller. Guess most people don't know this because they don't even care to look it up and assume all of this "related to genetics" stuff- sheesh. How do you approach the feeling of being so short or small compared to others? Simple. Just be optimistic about life- like I have been thinking, God made each and everyone of us different so we would be able to eventually understand and appreciate the actual good things in life. 

standing ovation

To take a nondenominational Scriptural approach of allowing the Bible to transform my life into a more friendly, approachable, and socio-personal problem-solving magnet ...

applause