Living With Diligence and Focus

I'm not someone who would be classified with ADHD. I might be more of an obsessive guy who focuses on stuff he cares about. In the beginning, I'm always rusty and very bad at getting started. That's the thing I don't really like about myself. This is why I am also rusty with the ladies that I am interested in. In the beginning, no matter how pretty or beautiful the girl seems to be, I don't really pay attention to her or really have much interest. Even when the girl seems to show acceptance with me and be a little flirtatious with me which I only thought was just a friendly gesture, I actually ended up liking that girl eventually but now she's with a very good guy. What can I do about this?

I'm not even frustrated or feeling lonely about the man the girl I like ended up choosing. It's because I didn't see her as a love interest in the beginning but just as a friend. I'm sort of scratching my head here because it really takes me awhile to start realizing some things. Okay, I'm a normal guy who really wants plenty of romantic action if you know what I mean, but I can't really say it so clearly because what if little kids are reading this? I mean when I was in middle school and had action with the Internet, I was so addicted that I even managed to figure out how to use my dad's credit cards to start my own account and get AOL for free back then. I was a little man impersonating my dad and getting free dial-up Internet on AOL. It was very dirty and rotten but I managed to do it so cleanly. Nobody was really aware that I did this at the time because as a little kid, I was pretty decent at covering up my tracks. I was so meticulous and one-dimensional at everything I did! My crazy 10th grade English teacher was discouraging me from being so; man, I wish I never signed up for Honor's English 10. That's where my life hit rock-bottom after reading Shakespearean plays and depressing novels by Jane Austen and the feminist crew. I just didn't care and I was so depressed because I couldn't stretch my imagination wide enough to make some literary points. Man, it was boring and depressing. I would just sit there feeling very panicky underneath and scared.

Maybe I should talk more about my depressing teenager days because it's really all about how I wanted to get good grades and failed very miserably from being addicted to some things adults can deal with. Better yet, let's come up with a working solution and master it.