Dating Concerns and Possible Quick Solution

I have a hot coworker who I think is my type and so far really interested in the thought of trying to marry her and then doing everything with her that would be really fun and satisfying including being a great lover! I'm not worried about being rejected for any reason because I already gained inner stability and full self-confidence not too long ago.

The thing that concerns me the most right now is how I'm still living under my parents' roof! They are not into me marrying outside my pure ethnicity. I am 100% full-blooded with one Asian ethnicity. I guess it's not a bad thing and something to be a little proud over while trying to do good for the whole tribe from time to time. 

The coworker is Asian but she's definitely not my ethnicity. It actually feels really daring and exciting with the thoughts of being in a serious relationship with her for the rest of my life. Because of the work environment and possible inner circle politics, I don't want to drag her into any unnecessary drama until I'm wealthy enough to provide for a nice family with enough luxuries. 

If she doesn't seem bothered by it too much then I guess it won't ever really be much of any discussion in the future. Also, I don't know if she's already in a serious relationship and don't want to set off any unintended hint I'm interested in her by asking or someone else who knows her. I think it's just my preference because I don't feel like all my dating concerns are accounted for yet. Mainly, because I want to keep on doing investments for now and trying to get rich off of it. 

Overall, this one is going to pretty much be a waiting game but I truly appreciate having her as a coworker though and it's fun to maybe fantasize just a little bit about her being my wife. I guess I will stay happy in that type of retrospect until it happens someday or I move on to find another lady who is my type and would deal with similar emotions while being easier to get married to. 

New Investment Outlook

I have decided to make 70% of my $1000 monthly contribution to go into making investment with bonds and stocks while putting the rest into my Forex account. This seems to make the most sense for me from maintaining a long term and less risky investment portfolio for stability while putting the rest into making short term speculations. 

If I become really successful with this current makeup then I will be adjusting it again but I'm looking at this being a long-term situation so my outlook could be several years before I'm looking at something significant to invest! Hopefully, my Forex trades will start turning a very nice profit so I can start allocating my portfolios again. I pretty much figured out how to do all of this now and I'm fairly excited about it. I just need to put my words into working out more regularly and also stocking up on pantry items so I can do some cooking. 

Understanding Important and Good Emotions

In the beginning, I guess being friends with any cute girl meant like the world to me. It was an extremely longing feeling with so much excitement and satisfaction that probably made me come across as being a cute or nice friend to her also. After letting some time pass and overcoming my worrisome emotions over being rejected as a lover or friend, I now realize that those same emotions come from being appreciative over seeing her as a really good friend. 

Maybe it was puppy love and unrequited attention in the beginning because those bubbly feelings were sensational and something I never experienced before. After letting some time wear off while learning to move on from any circumstances that don't go in my direction, it's really become an emotion that I can rationalize while enjoying her as a good friend. I think this friend of mine is a beautiful chick, but she's married and having some issues with her husband. 

I think it's beautiful with how she's able to share some of them with me openly while staying calm. I really want her to be able to work things out with him. It seems like a few other friends and even a smart sibling may be encouraging her to ditch that "loser" but I see it differently. I want her to be happy with this man because she made that pledge and I was there to witness it at her wedding ceremony. 

Sticking to the Habit

I think the main things to have is self-awareness and commitment. It can get a little hard sometimes to be mindful of what you are supposed to be doing, but I think this can happen for anyone. 

I think it just comes down to accepting how things are and embracing them as they happen while going after reaching your goals. It's probably better to not push them off to the side if possible and to maybe limit the activities that might not be that necessary to possibly save some more time for relaxing and getting work done.

Putting myself into a deep train of thought, I think I just need to get writing this post out of the way first. Then, check up on my trades and be on top of the investments I'm doing. It's just a matter of putting myself into motion regardless of what I'm feeling and then concentrating enough to reach after my intended goal.

Pursuing Main Goals

I think the main thing I really need to do now is take a bigger diet of watching anime or other forms of entertainment and work on my main goals. I'm pretty solid with focusing on my daily efforts to do some speculating off the Forex market. I also would like to give into just going with the flow with investing into some companies, I'm just going to have to trust in the theories I read up on and adjust to it however is necessary. 

Based upon my experiences with doing some trading, it does make a lot of sense at least so I'll go with it for now and ride the up and down waves through the years of owning stocks. I'm really looking forward to contributing to my investment portfolio monthly and cutting down on expenses or losses. It's just a matter of doing it. 

I'll just have to let go of watching some fun shows so I can put in a little more time to do a bit cooler and more practical things. 

Adjusting Personal Schedule for Improvement

I think it's just a matter of being aware with what's going on in my mind and just making the courageous decision to do something. It's basically making the trade-off of putting in the hard work for the longer term investment which might not even be foreseeable at the moment and less enjoyable than the temporary rush that I'm getting from lounging around while streaming videos!

It's really my goal and what I want to do anyway, so I can enjoy having even more fun during later days. I guess this makes things still positive for myself because I'm still working on it. It's crazy, but I don't really need a life coach nor have to be dependent on someone anymore for accountability. I technically have this blog to practice being appropriate, and it's doing wonders from just typing all this down! 

This really is a unique blog in that I'm not looking for any feedback from anybody nor receiving a lot of positive encouragement. The inner happiness and confidence starts from within the individual, and it's something I managed to finally gain. I think it's rewarding in a sense to see numbers go up, which would indicate interest from a reader or even computer that's trying to sniff around my feeds!  I'm not the one that's contributing to it, so in a sense I find it unique and actually encouraged by even a small amount looking at this site. It's well-above what I expect all the time and that's seeing the number 0, so that's how I'm keeping this cheery tone when I'm remembering to. 

Putting Time into It

I don't think there's really much to do except just try to be onto something consistently that you want to be successful at for a meaningful purpose. Currently, I want to get really good at speculating with the Forex market while investing in stocks and building a really nice portfolio so I can retire. 

On the side, I'm also trying to work out while cooking decent meals that don't take too long. For fun, I want to balance out with watching anime and eventually go out on fun dates while looking to settle down with someone. It looks like I have a good opportunity for this right now with a single lady who likes to call me and think of me as her friend and invite me to hang out with just her. I guess it's a form of pre-dating before trying to move forward into courtship. I'm pretty good about keeping to myself and hiding my urges so it's just going to have to be a matter of feeling if there's a genuine romantic connection and then confirming it with her. 

I'm just really glad to feel a lot of confidence underneath me and all these burdensome negative feelings lifted. It's like I can go on to live my life peacefully and touch base with some annoying individuals I still want to be friends with another time.  

Looking on Bright Side of Things

I'm not really feeling so down anymore whenever I feel like I ran into anything negative. It could be something selfish or an actual obstacle to reaching a nice goal I have in mind. I'm able to come up with different alternatives to keep on feeling good about the situation and to not really worry so much about it. 

For the longest time, I felt bothered by patrol cars driving around my vicinity and whenever I saw one. I usually like to stare at the officers driving near me for a few seconds while taking a walk in the neighborhood on my lunch break. I haven't seen them around anymore, and I thought it kept on happening from writing about Crazy Lee. I don't know if there's an actual correlation, but it would be fun to mess with it and come up with some conspiracy theory. 

My actual guess is that because of the rioting, the police force has been cut back a little and also due to the Covid-19 pandemic, there's definitely not enough manpower to consistently check up on how I'm doing! I feel much more privileged to see cops driving past me but seriously, I feel annoyed almost every time. 

Coming to Terms With Things

I learned something important about myself from taking a personality test. I am both a thinker and feeler. As a thinker, it's more structured and helps me to perform my software engineering job proficiently. It's rather exciting to call myself this and have a neat full-time position while being like an in-house programmer. I feel like one of the managers at work who was crazy with me once from being angry is trying to not butt heads with me anymore. He doesn't even talk to me and tries to avoid involving himself with any work-related affairs. Well, his behavior comes off as immature to me sometimes and it used to offend me. 

Thinking about it, I'm understanding that it was really more about being frustrated at trying to impress people rather than caring about how they feel about me. I do want to definitely be looked upon as a cool guy though, but I'm not so into being part of the spotlight because I'm just not selfish enough in that matter. I'm more selfish about trying to always be the nice guy and feeling so good about it. 

Finding personal stability really came from keeping a positive disposition and working hard towards reaching my goals. I'm a very ambitious person and really do have an entrepreneurial side taking root inside of me. I found something that I'm really interested in doing on my own.

Finding Right Time to Settle

I'm really interested in marrying a hot lady after connecting deeply in a romantic fashion with her. I have found out that I'm not very picky in the looks category because my personal view of thinking certain women are hot has become flexible. 

The biggest drawback for me is that I'm preoccupied with trying to make enough money to live a fairly comfortable and luxurious lifestyle. I'm taking on the long term approach as well, because it seems to work the best for me. I can only hope now that my Forex trades will start delivering massive ROIs while picking it up on a steady basis. I'm now conducting live trades and have made a little profit each month, but I'm not confident enough yet to go all out. I want to make sure that I have a solid trading management plan. 

I do really like the conservative approach with an investment group that I found. I'm really into reading their newsletters daily and following their recommendations. I'm okay with sharing the experience through the ups and downs.

I want to really take care of the lady I end up marrying and have a ton of fun with her while also living a pleasurable and satisfying life. I feel like I need to do my part with making a lot of money as fast as possible, but it's going to take a while realistically. I'm okay with it now. 

Putting in the Work

Yesterday, so I'm writing this post on 9/31; I watched Game 1 of the NBA Finals with the Lakers vs Heats matchup. It was a blow out with my team winning so without much competition going on, it ended up being pretty boring. I wish I spent my time doing something better like working at my investments and doing a little working out, while also looking up some more recipes that I'm interested in cooking. 

I think I'll just go ahead and get those things out of the way like it's a daily chore for me, since I will feel quite stupid if I don't anymore. Also, I'm going to join up with doing some more programming meetups. 

For my current hobbies, I do enjoy skiing/snowboarding, bowling, watching movies, and doing hiking trips. I'm also pretty chill about making time for being with friends whenever I can. 

Trying to Find Satisfaction With My Downtime

I'm currently not impressed with my annual income and want to enjoy making a lot of money while having free time on my hands. The closest avenue I have got to while being in a satisfied state is involving myself with investing and trading currencies. No matter how hard I have tried, it's not a "Get rich quick" scheme with some of the funds I have saved up for it so far.  

I'm running with the advice of experts when it comes to investing in stocks, while doing my own thing with speculation of foreign exchange (Forex). I'm making decent profit from risking so little with my live Forex trades and have been for a couple months now. I'm trying to increase my accuracy by just a tad while picking up on more patterns that I can notice from checking up on my charts daily. It really doesn't take me that long to narrow it down to the ones I'm interested in trading and occasionally, I won't find any either for the day. 

I believe that in the long run, I'll be staying dedicated to making investments and won't pull out from being discouraged sometimes like I have several times with Poker many times from feeling like it's a nonsensical game. For my rationale, professional Poker won't ever cut it for me but I do have enough skills to compete at it for recreational purposes. I believe the opportunity to make big gains is much larger from sticking to investing conservatively with stocks and also speculating with a smaller amount. This is the direction I'm looking to head and it's probably going to take years before I can start seeing a strong portfolio, but I don't really mind because this is where I want to trade in all my hard earned money now. 

Working at More Courage

I think I'm probably distracting myself heavily because I'm currently addicted to watching this anime series. It has its high and low points for having been a well-regarded series years ago and now completed after maybe over 500 episodes and a couple films. I'm able to binge watch a whole lot at once for free without having to do much waiting around anymore. It's really all fantasy but what's crazy is how a two-dimensionally drawn, animated character can be something you relate so well to and can then pretty much feel really weird right off the bat. 

These episodes have some heart and soul to it and even cause some fully grown young male adults to confess comically to tearing up after watching a few of them! They even talk about wanting a certain love interest to behave the same way they have a crush on with just an animated character! I guess that could sound reasonable in its own peculiar fashion. It is after all just for entertainment purposes, but some of the audience have a wide range of complicated issues they haven't sorted through yet. It really does cause some of the more open anime lovers to share what they are experiencing via the comment section. It's not that bad to read them actually. 

I think what I need to work on is being more determined, even when I'm feeling worn down and wanting to back away from putting in some more required work to achieve my goals at the end of the day. In a sense, I believe it's about exercising some courage because the aversion is sort of a fearful emotion I'm dealing with while leaving myself in a state of survival mode. The biggest thing is just being able to recognize it and what is beneficial about this post is that I'm writing it down so I could read it on a future date that's not too far along but enough time to still forget most of the details. 

What I've Done Versus What Should Be Done

I think this is a pretty neat exercise to do, and it does seem a bit childish. It feels like something a first grader can be assigned to do. Maybe one of my home classroom teachers tried to force me to think, but at least my sentences are now written longer! I'm going to try this out because writing it out seems to do well with my psyche. I think I'll first try out with making a "Five things I do versus I should do" list to do some compare and contrast for myself:

Actual	Should
Investing $1000 per month.	Read up on investment reports and buy stocks.
Running 8.5 miles on tiresome trail every Saturday.	Do more sets of push-ups and sit-ups consistently, followed by growing taller stretches.
Improving at becoming a consistent profitable Forex trader.	Approach 70% accuracy, currently at 60%.
Watching shows.	Start out with cooking delicious meals that have fast prep and cooking times.
Maintaining self-confidence.	Attend programming meet-ups.

You Can't Be Loved By Everyone No Matter How Nice You Are

It's starting to make sense from relating it somewhat to the up and down cycles of the stock market. Yet, the stock market has repeatedly shown itself to be a nice investment over time if one is able to follow sound principles and be patient. You really can't be certain how the market is going to perform at any given day but you do have control over what you can, and the top investors have gone on to do really well for themselves. In a like manner, why not follow suit?

I'm relating to how even if someone ends up judging you in a mean and condemning manner, there's really no control you can have over it. What you can control is how you want to feel about and conduct yourself at any given time, no matter what the circumstances are. You can continue to work on making progress with the art of being happy with yourself, even if others disagree with you. It's naturally your own right. 

Despite not being able to be friends with everybody that I would like to and even sorting out misunderstandings or letting go of any ill feelings towards each other; I still feel really good about myself. I think the most important key is to be stable with yourself first in an emotional state of mind and then go after your personal preferences much as you can while finding balance to make it work out with the environment you are surrounded by. I believe I've found it for myself and the general things might add up in good comparison with other happy people. The details won't be exactly the same with anyone because it's like my own DNA and based on how I lived. It's cool though that I can still empathize with others. 

Living a High Quality Life

I think everyone should be able to tell what's the best for themselves. Yet, I'm sure there's plenty of stress and busy schedules going around which could hinder full potential and true happiness for some people. There really are only a few people who sit at the top and lots of individuals find themselves attracted to. Maybe these top individuals are just really relatable to others in a good way, so it gives them a large fanbase. 

Everybody has their own secret sauce, which I will call it, to form a happy life. I'm meaning that you don't have to let things bog you down if you don't want them to. What's important always starts with what's going on the inside. One of the cool things that I love about myself is that I have learned to not let the bad stuff in my life get to me and in its own sense, I think they're really funny memories since I'm still in good health and didn't have to let it impact me personally in a negative fashion. 

Working at Long Term Goal

It looks like I've mellowed down quite a bit over the years but I can't help the fact and thanks to following some readers the type of posts they like to read by me, how I humor myself so much now from some past posts I wrote. I was clearly in a really annoyed state and I see how it wasn't helping certain situations with a few individuals who really lost their minds a little and became too serious over really nothing worth prioritizing over. In other words, they were being a bunch of idiots and I accept how they behaved in an offensive manner with me now. 

I don't know if I can do any more good than harm by bringing it back up with them now. I just figured that they did have some mental breakdowns somewhere and can't regulate it too well because of an overwhelming sense of anger that isn't well-justified to begin with. To explain with being the bad guy right now, they had all this time to contemplate what I really did wrong and make me pay for it with legal ramifications. I really put them on the spot from inciting them really hard and in the end, they couldn't do more than lose at trying to extend a temporary restraining order on me. I had enough self-control to not go against holding myself in contempt with the court of law. I now have plenty more of it from having gained true self-confidence! I'm totally on a roll and can justify myself being more of that bad guy towards them if I want to really mess with them.

I guess from finding this rush of happiness, I would rather act out in a more calm and collected manner while staying positive. I realize that I'm able to regulate my angry feelings better without shouting at anyone or doing something crazy that I'll end up regretting. I don't have any problems with stating truthfully what's on my mind while being an angry bird now and still giving in to being nice and doing a little small talk even when I'm feeling so moody. 

This is what I'm realizing from telling ladies I'm close to that they offended me and explaining it to them properly. They like to respond back to me with some small talk. It's annoying while I'm still in a bad mood with them, but I can't say that I can't live without women in general so I still put up with it and try to keep on playing it nice. It helps to come up with a bad personal joke related to the situation on the fly because laughter really sets the mood in a positive way quickly. I think they end up playing along nicely from wanting to be proper and make up with me in a discrete manner, since I'm a guy she knows really well while still being friends and she's a girl who is already taken and figures won't ever get physically intimate with me. 

Making Improvements

I think with my savings being held at a certain amount at all times, then with the excess I could maybe splurge a little bit on cooking tasty food and buying kitchen appliances! I sound like a housewife right now, I know. I find there's some wonder and fulfillment with cooking dishes since it takes some time to prepare the final product and then gets devoured right away. 

I should start focusing on saving up more now as much as I can also, so putting in $1000 a month or totalling $12000 annually right now sounds like a good plan for just investing. I'm going to have to try my best to limit my expenses now because I do want to have enough to put down an affordable down payment for a new home. 

On top of this, I want to keep on putting in my workouts and getting better at it too. I'm going to have to lay off of watching entertainment a little more. I really want to limit my spending and make it much more sensible with the purchases that I make because it's time to get really serious. It's really come down to four basic daily tasks for me now- investing, trading currency, working out, and cooking. I also have programming more on the side to do.   

Saving Up Enough Money

Right now, I'm considering keeping a minimum amount of cash in my checking account now while being able to save enough to do a little investing and just being patient about everything while doing the best I can to limit my losses and maintain good principles of making money. 

I want to be able to average $1000 per month contribution into making proper investments and the only thing I'm speculating on my own is managing currency trades. It's literally playing with lots of dimes right now because that's what the smallest point in percentage (PIP) is worth. I have managed to rack up currently over $90 of revenue from roughly 17 days of trading this month and it's from sticking to risking up to $5 each time. 

I'm only warming up to the market right now and trying to increase my frequency of wins which is at 60% right now. My target that I would like to get to is 70% from still remembering what a well off and past teacher said. Overall, this currency trading is turning out to be quite profitable and much more convenient than playing online Poker. I have totally abandoned playing Poker for cash now because I just don't have enough passion for it. It doesn't make sense to keep doing something you aren't really interested in to make a living. 

This being said, I will continually save at least $5000 on my checking account at the bare minimum for using as some sort of cash reserve for emergencies or severe hardships. This will be barely enough to get by on my own for a few months if I have to relocate anywhere; plus, I will have some savings coming from my stocks if I need to sell some off for similar purposes. I'm understanding what my total stock allocation is supposed to be based on, which is taking 15% of annual income before taxes and then dividing it monthly. 

Obtaining Wealth

I have noted several times already that I'm on the verge of making profitable and consistent trading months. What's been noted already though is that not one trading style is supposed to be exactly alike. Therefore, it's really a mode of speculating if you decide to hire a trading manager or purchase study material of what's allegedly the next biggest method to turning a profit. 

It may be more common than one would like in that there could be plenty of heads of household who struggle with debt and don't carry much of any savings. I mean if you end up spending more than you saved up then this is the inevitable result. 

Not every brain is going to be tuned in fully to each other, regardless of the warnings, but at least working hard for happiness is the way to go. Things that make us function well can be found out from experimenting safely and in a healthy manner with things you think might interest you and then letting it run its course. This is how I found out eventually that playing Poker for actual cash to make a living won't ever cut it for me. Instead, I'm going to stick to investing and trading the currency market while staying a programmer and trying to come up with profitable ideas on my own. 

Letting Minor Things Go

Based upon what I did yesterday, I'm going to have to just let off of watching TV and YouTube clips while just putting in some work to get to where I want to be. It's pretty much how my mind is acting upon giving into it to have a lot of fun. I mean it would be nice, I suppose but I don't really have all the time in the world for it based on my preferences with what I would rather be doing.

It's a good thing for me to have found out that I really like the thought of being a smart investor. It's based on managing my risk by spreading out my portfolio and limiting any unnecessary losses as much as I can. It can't be helped if I end up losing some years, but I'll be looking to continue to improve and manage my expenses in a sensible fashion. This pretty much means that I'm going to have to accept the things I can't control, but be aware of the ones that I can and do my best at it to get to my goals. 

Drawing Personal Conclusion

I think I mainly need to get my head more into working out, cooking, and doing a little more programming from wherever I can be a little inspired. I guess I have found it works for me from just showing up to an independent study group that revolves around programming and doing something. It's something I could be committed to because I can consider it to be a part of my life and blood now. 

Even though I have feelings of wanting to be married to a healthy hot girl who constantly lusts after my physical attention and makes herself available, I can stay happy with holding on to my dear life and hopefully getting to that point someday! I have this self-confidence that feels good and keeps my hopes alive. I also have my faith in the Lord too which is a bit of a mustard seed now but I'm convinced it's the way to go for the rest of my life even if others continue to reject it.  

I guess that's about it, which is crazy! I love it. Oh yeah, I'm only sticking to investing with a financial group I have chosen to be a part of for the rest of my life and working on my Forex trades for earning some side income. I may try to publish some apps on the store as well and see if I can generate some income from them but it will be for just fun, since I will only use up time and not really that much money for them while also being a part of what I was always meant to do to earn a living! I would like to limit my time from binge watching and balance out how I have some fun to myself. 

Creating an Improved Present

I believe that one of my key advantages from having had this blog for a while is my ability to recall some problems and then write down clever solutions to make myself feel happy. Surely, making fun of people to get temporary laughs doesn't really get to the root of a bothersome issue. I've tried several times and only to allow myself to get more agitated! It just didn't work for me. 

What does work is having a positive mindset and being self-confident while being willing to put yourself through some difficulties and hold back negative feelings just because you want to be nice. I guess that's where I may be lucky in that I grew up to be a nice person and really selfish about being that way, so it's quite a bit easier for me to feel happy for myself over anything that I'm going through. It doesn't hurt as well from having studied really hard as a kid and getting straight A's several times. It's pretty cool when you have it together, even though I wasn't the very best at my school and really wanted to be. I guess you have to be inspired or just born with a natural talent to get there and I wasn't good enough. Still, I can be happy without being the best anymore and going for living a completely balanced and satisfying life.

I think the main trade off I have to consider is letting go of my binge watching sessions for living a more practical life. It could be that I'm stressed out after work that I want to relax though. I mean I think it's healthy to go for this approach and just plain weak mentally, if you stick to a feel-good habit for entertainment purposes and neglect self-improvement. Still, it is upon others to decide how they utilize their time and they are being crazy and unworthy people if they ever feel envious of others compared to their lack of success. 

Thinking about a friend I'm avoiding, he is a low-quality individual from saying things worth obtaining in life is too hard and not putting in any more effort that he should. Life is hard, but having a positive mindset does help a lot with putting in the hard work consistently. It's something you have to realize doing is the right thing eventually and won't know it without conducting safe experiments on yourself. Since he doesn't realize this while being stubborn about living however he wants to and thinking he's slightly better than anyone except Christ, he is an underachiever and feels like an undeserving person. 

He is someone who is better to not associate with anymore, but I will actively reach out to him once I've reached my personal goals. Thinking about it now, with him still willing to talk to me while having blocked my Facebook profile after making him so mad that made him think it was work-related and under stress, he does have a redeemable quality. Whether he feels envious of me or not and wants to ridicule me as a lucky person later on, he carved out his own path from how he wanted to think so he's going to be forced to deal with anything unwanted that happens. The same goes for me too, but I'll be a happier person from having worked hard enough to reach my goals and not let some negative feelings keep me from reaching it. This may be an inspired teaching from me that he might pick up on late in his life and try to pass down to his nieces or nephews. 

Putting in the Effort to Focus

I think some days are just going to be better than others and regardless of how I let my mind constantly wander off, with the after effect, I'm just not satisfied enough. I have miraculously been able to keep a cheery disposition while maintaining the confidence to attain personal happiness. It's just going to have to come down to hard work and continuing to make myself into a better person. 

I'm just going to have to let go of the stupid past with some ridiculous peers from a weird church. I'm not looking to make it my home church anymore from reflecting on their teachings. It just feels a little too off for me. I now know it wasn't what they thought that digged under my skin, but from how immature and rude they were acting with me. I'm still willing to put up with those losers, but not for that long though. I'm going to have to move on from it now and focus on being around better and fun people. My confidence has sky-rocketed after all! 

I'm actually grateful for the experiences I had now and it's fun while being something to do to keep on making myself into a better person. Oh well, I'm going to have to keep on working out and trying to keep myself from being lazy. The only real sacrifice I'm probably going to have to make is not binge watching anymore. 

Summing Up Meaning of My Existence From Tasks I Want to Do

It's pretty simple for my layout now which probably makes me an interesting person to examine myself. I think I'm about living a very smart life that others could also want to model after. I'm not sure about taking on any disciples though because I'm just a weird fellow with extreme points that are unsatisfying. Yet, I have turned them into manageable things from being evermore self-confident and positive. In other words, I'm totally not discouraged about things not going my way anymore. It doesn't even phase me in a debilitating way- it makes me instead want to improve upon becoming a better individual even though I'm a full grown-up now. It's really been about acting upon the old saying get-em next time.

I think I welcome adversity now as a person and getting on with my life while believing that I'm not really that meaningful to anybody. This is why I really needed to gain so much self-confidence. For my personality, I have to stay positive and hard working in order for this state of mind to be intact. It's not really a question of how difficult it is, but just living the way I want to. I know a pretty good looking and average guy who struggles with this right now from dealing with some mental health concerns. I hope he's able to get it together from finding the right support or eventually make enough that he will be able to afford a therapist. 

I have broken down my time into areas that make more sense and things manageable. They deal with work, investing, working out, cooking, entertainment, and personal relationships. My least favorite is obviously work and biggest indifference would probably go to working out or cooking. My favorite is probably a combination of entertainment and personal relationship so this could tie into physical intimacy which I don't experience at a high level yet. I'm not discouraged by it though and willing to keep on chugging along happily.  

Reaching Stability From Doing Wanted Tasks

It looks like I've found out what I want to do with my life now to make a living. I do want to get married to a beautiful girl now and even raising a family would be great but it isn't a major requirement for me to be happy. I have to play it smart though because I don't want to end up with a bad person, even if her looks are really hot to me. I'm weighing it at a 80/20 distribution with personality coming on top over looks. I think going for 50/50 or more shallow is really bad and won't help you settle with someone right in the end. 

I think I'm really bothered by childish and immature behaviors in general, but not the opinions of others. Surely, the opinions might not be all that tasteful either from these types of people, but generally, they do come across like that. I'm a really different person in a unique way and there's probably not too many out there who think alike as I do. I mean since now I have this personal confidence with so much positivity and willingness to keep on working hard consistently, it's really cool to not be worried about how people think or feel about me now in anything related to me. 

I have learned that I do get testy over impudent behaviors but not over what anybody thinks. It's a lot easier for me to respect anyone's opinions. This can get me to instigate trying to dominate that person passively. I've realized this for myself and have let a rowdy girl I'm friends with know. Regardless of what she says are her strong characteristics of being able to take in criticism or blame, she's still a lady with feelings and I've come to consider them while balancing out how I feel about some of her immature behaviors that are directed towards me. I'm a true gentleman at heart and really like being this way in a selfish and confident manner. 

Putting Better Effort into Self-discipline

I guess with having my own time, I really want to just go off and do something else. It's pretty interesting though with my job and how I don't mind being challenged with doing something that would be like the most difficult thing in the world to do. It's things like these that I live for, so I'm really meant to be a software developer. 

However, with my off hours, I just want to go off and have fun doing something else besides putting in the extra work to make myself into a better individual. I guess it's moments like these that I really need to exercise a routine discipline and keep on challenging myself to lay off of doing something to keep myself still occupied with putting in the work to gain bigger satisfaction. 

I think it just starts off with putting in self-realization and then making at least a little bit of effort to warm up to it.   

Spending Free Time Wisely

Currently right after work, if I really did do any good job at all that day, I'm spending my time watching this long and entertaining anime series. I think they've done a marvelous job at it to make it even fun for grown-ups like myself to watch it. It's a mixture of action and comedy while relating it to something you could experience if you were living inside the game, World of Warcraft. 

It's pretty fun and all, but I would still like to work at getting my practical things together first before getting myself glued back onto it. It's sort of like if you snooze, you lose so all that precious time can go away from letting a little thing like having so much fun enjoying a show get in the way. 

Man, I wish I went for being an entrepreneur and was much more confident back then, even though I was a pretty handsome fellow for a short and stocky kid. I don't know what it was but I couldn't manage my video gaming addictions too well and felt so bad about not being able to keep up with doing well in my studies. It's just rooted in my personality, and it's been like this ever since. 

I think I just need to exercise some more positivity and confidence with what I'm doing now and keep at it while I can stay focused on it. It's crazy but it just takes a lot of practice and hard work while staying dedicated to it. 

Going for Optimal Lifestyle

After trying to get into playing Poker for cash recreationally, I have decided that it's not for me. I ended up cashing out with just a few dollars over in profit, so practically broke even while walking away. What did it for me is seeing my opponent catching quad Queens on the river against my pocket A's when we both went all-in preflop. I ended up also losing against AQ with AK while I had the best hand and bet big with my opponent playing fishy to catch a lucky card. 

It's not that there's anything wrong with losing from bad luck, and I don't seem to mind but it's just that I can't control the ideal amount I want to wager during those situations much as I would like. Because of this factor that I can't influence no matter what I do despite having the better odds, things can still turn against me because I bet too much at the wrong time. 

It's from this fact alone and how I feel weary from losing, compared to how I'm indifferent when my stocks are doing bad, I definitely identify more with being a less hands-on type of investor. Therefore, I'm going to walk away from playing Poker for serious cash and just play this app with play chips whenever I'm craving it while maybe waiting in a long line. I can also build up some more confidence to play some real Poker again at a later date. 

The smarter thing for me appears to be learning to become a better programmer and developing apps to sell on the market while using them as a point of reference for my portfolio to share with other employers whenever I get interested in moving around the industry. I think I'll try to work on this instead with my phone while I'm waiting in line. 

Along with investing in education a little bit more with programming whenever I can put in the energy, I want to also cook fast and delicious meals along with working out enough. I'm going to have to also control my diet better. 

I think I should invest my time in these things first before I look to enjoy a breather or postpone it to a later day. 

Focusing on Working Hard Consistently

I guess I have a problem with wanting to have fun most of the time, while having mental distractions come at me daily. It's not to the point where I can't block it out when I really have to focus to do my job importantly. I think I thrive on those situations especially when it comes to programming and feeling like a cuss storm is going to well up inside of me. 

Yet, I just know that I have to try. In a way with thinking about why others may not be doing better than me, I think it's because they don't want to be in that crummy mood whenever it gets really hard so they just don't do enough while holding onto their pride. It pretty much means to me that they deserve to be where they are at right now. 

In other words, I believe that you have to work hard to be paid well while doing it consistently and painstakingly on a regular basis. It's like going on a challenging hike where your legs will start aching. You just have to keep on pushing yourself to keep on moving until you get to the top. It's very tiring to do this regularly, but it's in this manner that you have to do it to become successful.