New Years Resolution

A few days before New Years Eve, I might as well just go after living with what I want to do.

Once again I have it listed so I'll just copy it down and just feel good about it from seeing the list:

Bible, exercise, trade, errands, socialize, bowling, indoor climbing, piano, sing, dance, guitar, cook, grow hair, make virtual reality game, get a girlfriend, have fun at amusement park, snowboard, work at jobs, do cyber-security and competitions, master's, build combat robots, and work on health.

This is a lot of stuff to keep myself busy.

The things that distract me are the same old: pretty much turning on the TV set and sitting there surfing the web and playing card games. I could probably do better than that while I'm bored.

Well thanks for tuning into my blog, if you read through some of this. I'm pretty much done for the whole year now. So I'm signing off until next year then everybody!

Have a great 2016! Hope you had a great Christmas and enjoy your upcoming New Year's!

Revisiting That Old Church

Thinking about stupid Lee again with her past restraining order that got her nowhere, I'm just starting to just not care how crazy she was. In addition to being stupid, at least she didn't get that very far with whatever she was trying to accomplish with me. She was just going donkey kong mode with me because she was mad that I wouldn't listen to her.

I was just putting up a stubborn act and it was scaring them because they didn't know what I was talking about. It's actually pretty funny now and something that took me a long while to get over even though it wasn't that serious. It is very irritating even though the whole situation turned out to be trivial. In a sense, I feel like it makes stupid Lee look really bad while it gave me something to learn off of as a valuable life lesson.

Wow

This format of writing isn't really anything special. It's just like a little routine and I don't really expect anything out of it except for it being sort of just practicing on being a more eloquent person. I've been practicing with a personal sense of humor and honestly, it really helps me out a lot. I'm glad that I've been around certain friends and even though a few close friends of mine have been mentally retarded, I guess it's how it is sometimes.

Maybe getting a girlfriend will seriously be the right thing for me. I think going for settling down with her after realizing she's a good person regardless of what she looks like, is going to cut it for me. If she can put up with me and just loves me for who I am, I won't mind working things out with her and being there when she needs me.

Things Don't Always Go To Plan

One thing that may help a lot is just hard work and going after doing things that make sense. I guess I'll see if that girlfriend of mine ends up being actually real in the end. I don't really know if I'm going to be in a relationship so far, but I guess I'll find out in the next few days. I think I just need  to be patient and also wait for it.

If it's not going to come my way, then I need to go seek for it again then and just keep working at it. I think I will be happy in just doing the right thing to the best of my ability.

Getting My Priorities Aligned

I guess having a job is wonderful and to be able to make a living for it. It's sort of like a home, but to go home and not have any wife or kids, man life is sort of lame man! To be at the age of 33 and not have anyone, yeah something is wrong.

I'm not really sure what's wrong with me, but now I'm thinking that playing video games or watching TV just might not be my cup of tea now. I'd rather go outside and enjoy life and do something with the family or something like that.

I wouldn't mind making video games for a living though and it would be a pleasure to play video games in the hopes of making them better for a profession. I seriously wouldn't mind doing that. Maybe, I do have a small cold right now so that's why my mind is acting a little sloppy right now.

What I'm Sort of Feeling

I'm feeling like I'm lacking attention right now. I really do enjoy having company with people and having a good conversation. I guess I really do need a significant other than. I might as well keep working on myself for one then. Now I'm starting to think that appearance doesn't really matter so much in a person.

I do really want to look at the person's inner beauty though and what my struggle still is to this day is the thought of settling down with a taller woman who could be a different ethnicity. Could it really work out? If it's all in love, then I guess it really could.

Back To Analyzing Self

Okay, so now I'm thinking to myself that playing card games or going after watching TV and movies won't be much of a life for me now. It feels very nihilistic in a way and I don't really like that. With all this precious time that I have to myself, I'm just letting it pass by indulging on my mindless addictions and wasting a lot of time.

Now that I'm waking up to it, I just have to realize that maybe it's not really all that worthwhile with a few of the things that I'm staying consistent with doing. I'm lacking a lot of time management and just not paying attention enough. It's not good at all for me and I could do better.

Not Really Much To Write About

I guess I have a little bit left to catch up for this year and it just seems like I don't really have much to write about anymore. I guess the good thing is that I have something that's been up here for years now. I don't really get any recognition which would be nice, so I guess I'm just not born smart enough or good looking to get that type of kind. Anyway, having too much of it wouldn't probably be a good thing anyway. I'm pretty happy with where I'm at then.

A lot of my thinking right now is that it's just very mellow and not really all that engaging right now. I guess I'm just in existence and not really feeling energy to do much. I think it's just sitting around for me. It's pretty cool though that I've had some buddies come through for me at least just one time. I'll probably never see a lot of them again, but hey, that's just life too.

Starting To Think For Myself

I'm not really feeling all that great about just sitting around and not doing much for a vacation. I don't really have to work so I feel like things have slowed down for awhile. I'm about getting back into recovery mode again. It's too bad that I don't really have much going for me and I guess it's life.

I just finished reading the Bible and all day I was just going back to my weak and very bad habits again. I'm now thinking to myself what would this amount to and it's not very much now that I think about it. It feels good and that's for sure, but after all of that I've been through, I think there's something more worthwhile to seek after and that's what I'll go after then and just be patient about it.

It Is What It Is

I'm starting to lighten up and just be much happier. I'm no longer feeling paranoid about the cops coming over to arrest me for something that they mistook to be illegal about me. It took quite awhile to understand what was going on with me.

I'm currently typing on my iPhone while waiting in line at a Six Flags theme park. This blogger is a little buggy as well right now.

Making Adjustments

I'm back to gaming the Forex market again and even though it's slightly boring for me, at least it's something that can bring me pleasure in making some money without having to really be there to monitor like the job I'm currently in. For a job that I want, I really belong in the IT industry and there's no doubt about it in my mind now.

I'm going to have to stay away from entertainment and leisure for awhile and trade it in for time in becoming a self-starter for a job that I would love to wake up to each morning for making a living. Obviously, I'm going to bored after awhile so that's why I want to be so good at Forex because it will be my ticket to an independent life. I'm willing to work for it and take some calculated risks to turn myself into a moderate expert.

Writing Because I Have To

This is pretty much how I feel right now. It's a chore to putting something on this blog for me. Now that I'm sort of smiling a bit. It looks like nobody really cares what I have going for myself.

I'll put down that it might be official in me actually finally having a girlfriend. It's like no big deal for most people I guess, but for me, I haven't really had one for a long time. I say in the fashion of not really to put up a nice point.

I think I had a girlfriend for a few weeks but don't think it counts. The end of my story? I was kissed by a pretty chubby girl too after two dates and she wanted to have a baby already with me. I was like umm, no and not because she's fat. Okay, it was that I was annoyed with how she couldn't do anything with me because of her big and fat weight. She couldn't take a jog with me that easily and she was walking like a cripple. It was totally ticking me off!

It's a story in that I exchanged a kiss with someone other than my family and she's the one who initiated it. I didn't really feel much of a buzz or that excited feeling of love so I guess it's not true love's first kiss for me. I haven't had that going for me. My buddy is so enamored about getting there and he's very anxious about it and uptight and won't even admit to it by arguing that he's a normal person. I don't think he's normal in that area of finding love, if you ask me!

Fixing Habit

I'm going after an early New Years resolution already. It's pretty much the same drill in that I'm trying to read the Bible, workout, and trade. This time around I'm trying to limit my times of watching TV and playing cards. I don't think it's really that worth it for me.

In the mean time, it will be good for me to do extra Christmas shopping at the last minute for my errands. Time is precious for sure and it's just cool that I'm starting to get by these days. Might as well become a self-starter with the career that I want to involve myself in now no matter how hard it may be for me.

Back To My Bigs

Okay, I'm going to try to limit my attention to watching TV again and playing games and go for something else. The only time I guess I will play games and watch movies is with a friend or a date. If it gets suggested I guess.

On the mean time, I'm going to just deal with my urges to play cards to pass the time and also watch TV by myself. Instead I'll try doing something else now. I'm trying to get myself into making virtual reality games. It would be a lot of fun and very difficult at the same time.

Basically, my big objective is to pretty much read the Bible, work out, and trade. I'm trying to add in cooking healthy as well and to be able to sing and dance pretty well too. I'd love to play the electric guitar and form a band someday too.

The little things that I'm trying to do is to run errands, socialize, and include a girlfriend in my life. I guess those are the things that I want to do now.

Listing Activities In Order of Preference

Next year, I'm switching back to a day shift. I was the swing shift for the longest time and it had its advantages. I think it's very good if you have a wife and some kids. I don't have those things, so by going back to day shift, I guess I get to spend more time socializing and learning about myself while trying to keep a great relationship with a girl alive. I'm about 60% sure, she's being real with me right now. It does feel good though to communicate with her daily through texts.

The way that my daily life is looking will probably be like this:

wake up and wash up, get some breakfast and nutrients into my system, go to work, drive back home, run errands or start working on something, work out or socialize, shower and do some stuff to make my hair grow, read the Bible, and catch up with working out or doing something.

On the weekends, I'm looking at having a lot more time except not having to work unless I have to do overtime. I'm seriously not really enjoying putting all this time into this career that I'm doing. It's really not for me. I now understand why I have to work hard to get to where I want to be now. I also need to be a self-starter to get somewhere in life now.

It looks like I didn't do enough soul searching and was never really mature to get anything done. With everything that I'm doing now, I'm going to have to make my activities more compact and precise with a good motive.

Possibly Taller Girlfriend

Okay I'm listing out the things in priority that I'm doing. I pretty much watched TV again yesterday night before falling asleep like at 3 am. I think I can get away from doing that then. With some time to kill, I've been doing a little bit of house cleaning. It reminds me I need to get back into doing that and go for Christmas shopping.

Fortunately, it's a lot easier from having access to a computer so I can just research and order something on Amazon for the people I want to present a gift with. This year seems pretty interesting because it finally looks like I could be ending up with a girlfriend and she's no ordinary one- a pretty cute and very loving one. If this is like magic that's happening for me now, then this significant other will be taller than me by like three inches! Adding that with heels on, she's going to be so tall. Oh well, let's see if I can work out something with it. She said that she's good with it and it's more about true love. I'm the same way back with her, and I'm not really a jealous type and seeking for positive attention so if I draw some situations with guys trying to hit on her and being jerks then I'll stand my ground. I'll just be protective of her if she's feeling uncomfortable and that's about it I guess.

I'm at a disadvantaged 5' 3". It's better than nothing and some days I wish I was more average in height, but I do look pretty well proportioned which is what some people do notice with me. I stand there sometimes and cry underneath while listening to a person's story because I envy that person's height and the fun life that he or she has lived. It doesn't stay there for me and I think the key to me being happy about my appearance is really just mainly from working out, being successful, and creative while taking on a personal sense of humor.

A recent date with a friend who is not this tall girl I'm talking about is shorter than me by a few inches. When we went out and took a nice photo and then I posted it on Facebook, it attracted the most likes from people I've ever had in my life of having Facebook to begin with! I'm taller than her and people were like asking if we're married. Even her older sister was saying we look cute together. Maybe, I won't have any problems appearance wise if I date and end up marrying a cute and petite Asian girl who is shorter than me.

Putting On Thinking Caps

With the so many activities that I've planned out, honestly because of my job I don't really have time to finish them all in one day. I think I'll just have to settle with doing bits and pieces. I still haven't been able to accomplish this yet.

I'm really going to have to give it a try. One of the things that I shouldn't really be doing is just watching T.V. or surfing the Internet mindlessly. From recalling some fun things in the past, I can also just form a question that I'm really curious about and go after reading some information on it. It's basically about trying to store trivial information. I don't think I can really afford to that now if I really do want to live this full life I have planned for myself.

I might just have to settle with not giving into it now.

Faltering A Little

Okay, I didn't really get much accomplished today except just watch a whole bunch of YouTube videos that I probably shouldn't have looked at in the first place. I guess I was just going for watching something flashy. After having been awhile from YouTube in that manner, I was sensitive about going back to it. Now that I've been acquainted for almost several hours for today, I can tell that I might even become desensitized to it already!

Okay, I have goals that I want to accomplish and decisions to make in getting there. For me, it's just a matter of getting around to trying to do it and going from there. It's not really that tough as I usually make it out to be.

Today

Well, I today made plans on how I was going to socialize during the weekend after working out. I guess that was my personal time that I decided to go into doing that. One of the things that I did yesterday that I could have laid off of was watching T.V. again. I'm relapsing into doing that and I could have tried to keep my mind off of that.

I think the important thing right now is to go find someone to settle down with, work on making a living that I would be happy with, continue to build a relationship with God, and have a healthy lifestyle. These are the things that I'm struggling with and I'm not like panicking so much as I used to. I don't have that much anxiety anymore, and I'm actually pretty approachable even though I know I could be pretty bad. From having that type of fiery personality, I'm being left alone more often.

I guess I'll try to deal with my boring job at the moment. I want out and to move on to something greater now. I'm going to have to be a self-starter because I'm too old to be given a mentor and a fresh start from another huge company that has interest in me. I need to make up for some things to make myself stand out and so that's what I want to go for. I want to be like a shiny star that just appeals and pops out.

Reviewing Yesterday

One of the things I lived up to is mainly just working out yesterday and that's pretty much all I made time for. Oh yeah, I also played some guitar too and played a little bit of piano. Okay, now I'm realizing that playing on the piano that's out of tune really sucks so I need to keep at playing some that is in time. I'm going to avoid playing my out of tune piano now and go after sticking to my keyboard. I'm going to have to pay someone to tune my regular piano eventually. It's probably going to cost quite a bit of money to make it work. I guess I'll look around to see if I can get a deal.

Let's see I missed reading the Bible, doing some errands, bowling, indoor rock climbing, dancing, cooking, trading, and working on a virtual reality game. I have so much that I could do and I just don't really have the time to afford doing them because I struggle with making time to do them. I'm a little all over the place. I guess that's normal to begin with.