To be in a different state of desire, I've truly come to a point in my life where the focus should never be on me. I know a lot of people struggle with the issue of self-confidence and that by looking at this verse Phil 3:3, it states "For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh." What it says to me is that whenever we get thoughts of how we can rely on ourselves, then it's stating that we are not letting God take care of that aspect in our life. Meaning, we should consider leaving behind everything in this world to get closer with God.
I think always being in a struggle with my life has not been easy in the beginning. I used to feel that others had way more than I did and that if I had those possessions then I would not feel like an outsider. I believe God placed me in a childhood that was really hard for me fathom emotionally. To come to terms with the embarrassing feelings and shyness over others, I really had to stop avoiding those thoughts by distracting myself with other things.
I was a typical smart Asian boy who excelled in school, but felt like an inward loner who was not accepted by people. I felt like in order to be accepted, I would need to keep my opinions to myself, especially thoughts that could equate to gossip. That's how I managed to live throughout my childhood; with hearing sayings like how "Silence is Golden" and other things with teachers yelling at noisy kids and rewarding the quiet ones with citizenship awards. I do recall how I really complained about some issues of hypocrisy with my friends, but hey we are all boys rebelling just for fun to look tough with one another. I didn't always have a clear sense of direction in my life, but I managed to find some caring people who opened themselves up with me. It was awesome to be accepted without me ever saying a word.
A lot of people, especially Catholics in general, like to judge others by their actions. Many see the human faulty nature in how we may appear to be holy outwardly, but in private we do things that we would prefer to not let anyone know about. As a result, rumors have tended to destroy some people's images. I'm not saying that everybody can be perfect all the time. There are areas where we all falter and wish we could develop more on, but something is holding us back. Isaiah 43:18 states to "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." Jokingly, it's a little hard to tune out that I'm a short man who wishes to be taller. I've gotten used to it because it's like if I don't live as a human, then might as well die not trying.
The value of sharing the gospel is that we are all sinners proclaiming that Jesus died on the cross for us. God himself came down in the form of man and claimed Himself to be the Son of Man. No one can do this except for God- as Luke 1:37 states Nothing shall be impossible with God. (KJV) Our paths can't be blinded especially when we have a heavenly relationship waiting for us. Today in a sermon, I heard that it is all about establishing a relationship with God first and then packing up on scriptural knowledge to assist our new walk with Jesus. I just love challenges that unbelievers place, as long as I don't get hurt physically for sounding offensive to them, even though it may be that they are still hiding in darkness. I think I'm ready to go out there and make friends with the whole world and tell them how lovely it is to have a relationship with God.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
