I guess there's a lot of stuff that can bug me in life. It's just normal to feel that way I guess. I'm just trying to let all it go now by resolving because it feels like a healthy practice for me. I may resorted to lots of yelling and then outsmarting them in conversations which made them quiet with me. Like they did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore, but I would do stuff to take charge and they would eventually relent. I had a few of those that felt like it was taking too much of my focus. I don't think I want to to base a marriage off of that too. I actually like the fact that I was trying to nice even though I was extremely frustrated at a certain subset of people in a posse. I'm glad that I really tried and even though things became sort of worse in the end.
In the beginning, I just did not want to defend myself because I thought I had to feel guilty. I had proof with it over and over countless times that I did not need to. I guess it's how I was made and how I naturally think. There's always this chance that it will turn around because my hope never seems to fail. I am almost unstoppable when I'm frustrated and trying to get it out of my system. I am great at defending myself and good at scheming. Even though it may feel personally selfish, I just can't help getting rid of the frustration by dealing with the person. All of this is being done so that I can relieve my own frustrations while being ethical at the same time. I guess there's nothing wrong with that after all and actually succeed with it even with a very rare amount of losers telling me otherwise directly. My sister seems to really lose it all the time and says that I'm a lost cause or things like that. It really makes me laugh to recall all of that.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
