Trying To Date Someone

I guess it's not that bad in how the girl I have been trying to go out with has been willing to try it out with me. I'm learning that she's a pretty family oriented person which I like because she's pretty dedicated to her family. I also like that she's outspoken and can text me more than myself, it's usually been me doing more writing to girls. I guess there must be a pretty nice connection I have with her, so I'll try it from there.

This is pretty bad in that I just woke up right now after having slept for awhile. I did intend on waking up a lot earlier. Oh well, it just felt like I slept for a whole day and lost out on something. I thought it was Monday but fortunately, it's still Sunday. Looks like I'm going to finish catching up with these posts next month. I'm on the run right now. 

Managing Very Tough Emotions

Over the period of economic period, I went through a major drought in my personal financial life. I was without a job and on the move by not being cut out with those jobs. I felt like a loser, like I was moving on from one job to another and with no actual satisfaction in doing those jobs. I wanted something that was so far out of reach. From all of these feelings, such as feeling like I was too short of a person and therefore, I must be inferior to people, all of these emotions hit me pretty hard in my life and affected my socializing a little bit.

I realize that I can actually be a pretty social individual and highly motivated with creativity and actually persistent enough to practically obtain some of my needs. It was really hard learning to balance things morally while retraining myself to feel the right way over some incidents. In a way, even the Bible is something that could get so out of hand by people who just want an excuse to do whatever they feel like. The Bible is something that has its true voice in all issues and it really is amazing with these patterns that associate with consistency on what it stands for. Pretty much, a person can also use any verse of the Bible from looking long enough and come out with claims like the Bible Code that could predict the end of the world or how it's okay to be sinful or something dramatic like you have to be a very robust person to get into heaven. It all depends on the person, but when a real person with a heart that truly wants to seek out the truth of something, the Bible seriously has its own unique voice and this is something that is very difficult to obtain and not something admired or taken seriously for by people in this world. From those counsels in the past with distinguished scholars from the thirteenth century, when they put the books of the Bible together, I totally believe they knew what they were doing. With philosophy, debate, and table discussions while breaking bread being big back then when there was really no accessible T.V. or entertaining video games, I truly believe these scholars were very serious about putting something on the map and deserves an objective look into the Bible with all of its sources being investigated with credible evidence which is really unique with some of the consistencies that come out from it. I believe this could be the case for any other religion, too.

I did some unintentional meandering, but going back to the topic. I pretty much summed it up- basically, emotions can be short lived and don't really have to be relied on that much. The bigger picture can come from commitment and actually getting to be knowledgeable with people around you and working at things in life to make something nice happen.

Using Reasonable Confidence

Sometimes, I notice that a close friend of mine who really isn't the sharpest and bravest kind of person likes to get a little too ahead of himself and start endeavoring with some hopeless activities he thinks he could outplay from feeling like he has this special edge over others. The main activity I've seen him do is pretty much gamble at a casino. He's no longer there! His reason is pretty much there are only one in a million people who make it to the top through gambling and so he just stays quiet about it now. I know that he hates losing at casino games, and it seems like they've given him a real hard lesson in that gambling for fast money using your hard earned money does not feel very good at all in the overall picture.

I guess he's got a little better because he's now designing a video game while hiring a teenager who only wants free food and a measly two-hundred dollars. It also looks like he's really taking his time with designing this video game and with all those cool ideas being put into a grinder already and placed in today's market, I'm not really so sure if he's going to keep up. I've noticed that he's really happy for the effort he puts in as long as he didn't really lose anything valuable or gained something from it. I guess that's okay overall.

I used to measure the amount of courage I had when it came to getting something uncomfortable done. It was like risking shame and feelings of dejection from going after something. In a way, it was like how unafraid am I of being rejected at a lucrative opportunity or even with a girl I'm really interested in dating. In a way, my mistakes came when I tied in good results from having courage into my own personal pride.

I'm now being really honest about situations and managing my own cool when I feel extremely annoyed or badgered about something where I just want to scream out insults and yell at someone. I can understand it a lot more and withstand the heartache that comes from being yelled at a little better now. I mean I hate being yelled at and would do all I can to avoid it, but then again, I'm starting to not really care about being criticized or bugging some sensitive people that much.

It all ties down to how much something bothers me, and I'm sure people will use all sorts of tacky methods which is probably just raising their voice to bother me so it would prevent me from bothering the person. By me still being persistent, the person is apt to say that I need to get some help- I really understand now. It's really not enough information because as long as I don't admit it during those time periods, I can still raise a lot of doubt and headache and just start laughing about the situation while getting the other person to just relent to my strong personality these days. I understand where it goes now when people end up doing that to me. Sometimes, I'm just going to have to just stand there and take it when people have their moments but I'm just now understanding my role so well now and pretty confident about it from this short period of time. It looks like I really have it going and that I pretty much am a pretty resourceful and eclectic person.

Small Update With Trading Currency

Pretty much, I don't really have that much time to be on and I would love to pretty much spend a short amount of time in future with trading. Instead of always watching the market, I prefer to set up highly profitable trades and let them bank in profit for me while I do low maintenance on those trades that I'm in. This would pretty much give me the financial freedom that I am longing for and provide me with a lot of free time to spend time with the wife and kids in the future.

Basically, my method is extremely laid back and the only problem that I have with it to share it with others is that it would be really risky and dangerous for anyone but myself. Even if I were to manage trades for others, it would still be dangerous for the client because anything would be able to happen against his or her money.

This is what I'm using nowadays. I pretty much trade the daily charts and look for decent trades while avoiding huge stop losses. I'm looking for harmonic patterns and break outs in support and resistance while finding supportive information from candle formations. It's pretty much that easy for me and I also always aim for at least a 1:2 risk to reward money ratio, which means I would profit with exact wins greater than 33%! I guess I'll have to pretty much figure out my money management which is the most important part of any trading system. Once I have mine figured out, I'm pretty much ready to live a pretty fun-filled life with financial freedom managing great risk. This is something I'm not going to be able to share with anyone because of the great risk that could be imposed on anybody else.

Maybe in extreme cases where the person just wants to blow like $5000 and see where it goes and doesn't care what I do to the money and desires to see how much it would grow in a year. Maybe if people wouldn't hold anything against me if they lost that much, but I totally doubt it. This is pretty much behavior that can only benefit myself. I guess if I break this thing really open then I'll also diversify my investments into real estate or something and put the money in a safe bank that will make it legally grow in interest. There are many ways that I'm noticing, but this whole trading thing is probably the most riskiest thing I'm ever going to be managing. 

Coping With Bad Losses

By what I mean with coping through bad losses, I mean being able to handle things that just make you feel a little down. People could probably give you put downs of some sort or maybe, you even disappointed yourself over not being able to catch something earlier and have to suffer the consequences and feel like beating yourself up over it. I get those emotions but it's like if I never really learned it then I wouldn't really want to consider myself human anymore because I would be lost on what to do later, if I wasn't perfect anymore. Well, I'm never going to be perfect and even though some of my quirks have made me laugh, I'm also not proud of some little things that have been pretty naughty for me. Fortunately, the naughty things I do isn't really recognized as being illegal even though it could violate moral codes.

I don't know what it is, but I feel fine about waiting through things and just following directions through researching some formulas on how to do some things. I'm also becoming really open to being creative in a sense with the things that I'm interested in. I'm becoming really sleepy right now.

Really Grateful

I'm really grateful for this blog because it's given me room to really express myself quietly and bluntly in an expressive and eloquent manner to ease my anger instead of going ballistic with a person and risk fighting off legal authority repetitively! I'm pretty much a grown man now who could do damage- I thought I was an incompetent runt but looks like with the people I affiliated with, I really am not and possibly a force to reckon with. I guess I was too ignorant to know how much of a negative impact I was causing in hurting these people's feelings even though it was never my intention. Anyhow, from probably being the worst, I also know how to be pretty stable and friendly with everyone and that's how I would like it to be now.

I'm very happy about the readers how have made their way into this blog and attempted to read some of my posts. Some posts are extremely funny or interesting in its own quirky way that even impresses me. It's like I didn't know that was me, or maybe during that time, I'm seriously under this spiritual influence of something greater than myself.

Been Ultra Busy

I guess it's one of those months where my life is starting to head in a direction which is really about becoming resilient. Pretty much, I'm working ten hour shifts during the day and while factoring driving and taking breaks to the company I work for- it's more like twelve hours a day spent! It's pretty much a lot because about half of the time, I am at work doing something to make a living. I'm not complaining because I really need the money right now because I have a dream to invest my savings into something lucrative right now. I have been really working at investing, and I know it's really dangerous but I am willing accept my losses as long as I have money that I can afford to lose and really not have any lingering debts to worry about.

For the last couple years, I've been piling up debt and it felt really depressing having no stable job that I could look forward to in paying it off. I was also soul searching and finding meaning in obtaining a job that I longed for and desired. It was really hard for me to let go of those desires and suddenly man up to just earn a lousy paycheck no matter how much I felt down from having an educational degree and feeling like I deserved better in life.

Now, my card debt is gone and it feels really good! My health level is improving to an all-time high with my fitness level having also been above average. I'm pushing myself to a higher limit without even stressing about it now. I even understand people who supposedly had a hard time with me and complained about how I was bothering them so much regardless of my intentions and that I needed to get some help! It's starting to make me really laugh now recalling the conflict that wasn't there. It's like a story of the "CHOO-CHOO train that could", but never happened because there was never a need for a mule to fart and fertilize any plant. There was really no substance and these guys I became familiar with were going bonkers, like they wouldn't be able to handle the pressure from evil business men and be paid top dollar. Oh well, everybody has their tolerance level and price they are willing to take with how far they want to achieve in their lives.

Finally Learned The Meaning Of Relationships

It's really quite simple that I had to listen to a radio show which features a preacher who passed away a long time ago to inspire me on what to do here. I'm going to try to keep this one short and sweet because I should be getting some rest.

When it comes to dealing with women, if women are not interested anymore or never were and I'm not interested either then there's really no point in being acquaintances anymore. A straight man like myself is going to be looking for a mate ultimately, so if I think the woman has some problems and she doesn't like me, then there's really no reason to go after her in just making an acquaintance. If she wants to be friendly or an acquaintance with me, then it's great. Fortunately, I think the majority of women I've ever come across have been on pretty good terms with me, so maybe I might be decent at treating women well.

With guys it's a little different, for the most part, the guy can share similar beliefs and have some sort of conflict with me. It would be great to fix those problems. With the women, if I really like the woman, she's my wife, or she's related to me then it would be great to fix the problem and work at it. For the guys, if the guy is unstable and not wishing to walk in the favor of the Light and he wishes to no longer associate with me, then the wise thing is for me to let him go. The guy is usually going to be really unstable and not be able to handle his emotions too well- these are the types of guys you don't really want to be around anyway.

Overall, I've been in friendships where it's turned quite sour or even worse the middle ground. The middle ground is really tricky because the person could end up not wanting to speak his or her mind with you. After giving a pretty good presentation of the details of how you would like things and it's pretty clear you've convinced yourself enough in getting the point across, if he or she isn't responding well then it's pretty clear you can assume the worst and just take off! Be sure to leave a happy ending, by like wishing him or her well tidings or something before moving on. He or she just probably can't accept something which is an indication of something wrong happening and you possibly won't be able to fix.

Furthermore, if this middle ground happens with the girl you like, wife, or family member then I guess you'll be around her for awhile trying to make things work out- now, that's a different way of conducting business and with her being quiet, it would probably be better with the man doing most of the talking anyway!

Endeavoring In Right Direction

I'm starting to think about what emotional maturity could actually mean. I guess all this time I was like a lost puppy in this world. Then, it's like after having gone from square one, I'm understanding situations a little more and also getting the humor even if it doesn't really benefit me or makes me angry.

Yeah, looks like it's time for me to work out and keep progressing with my job and then finally settle down with a good woman. That's pretty much the basics with how I'm looking at it in my life. Being human, I just want to add a lot of decent and fun flavor doing things like trading stocks, playing the piano, and hanging out with a group of people. I guess if I can be sufficient in the basic areas that I'm looking for then pretty much I should be all right.

It seems like everyday I'm constantly battling these uncontrollable desires that just want to unleash itself. I guess through understanding myself a lot more, I'm not becoming more prone anymore to lashing out at things and making outbursts that I would regret. I'm pretty much thinking about my own personal state before going about doing things now. I guess if my mental state is all right while feeling pretty good about myself most of the time, then I am in a pretty healthy standing so I should exercise myself decently now.

I guess thinking about the goods and bad about myself, it's also helping me to be a little more lenient with others. I'm not trying to be so judgemental and neither do I really care about my wife being super pretty or not anymore. I just want her to mainly have a great personality with someone I could relate to while growing up and someone I would be attracted to and love like myself.

Persevering On Stuff

When some of my slightly anti-social friends and immediate family members told me that I needed to cut something out to stop bothering people, it's only because I was perservering with something. The definition of perservering is simply to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or indication of success. Since these friends and family members of mine have been mainly females or guys with hardly any social life outside of their own comfort zone, I guess it's safe to say that possibly they don't like dealing with conflict that much. No wonder they could sometimes be hit with this spell that causes them to vent about things or rage personally about some stuff inside their minds! 

All I can say with this mentality is just a shrug on my shoulders now. My mind and senses belonging to the heart have been seriously opening up and the great part is that it feels so natural. Being aware of situations that I never thought I would place myself into has been sort of mind boggling but at the same time, I can accept it. Basically, I've been thinking all this time that I'm a really short and not that great-looking individual (this I go back and forth- I label myself a 7 out of 10 right now while standing in the mirror comparing myself as not looking that short in body proportionality). I have a nice chunk of skin on something unmentionable but I think people know what I'm talking about. All of this while being short- I've heard that shorter people live longer than taller people in general; for example, women are on average shorter than men and they have longer life spans. I guess being short has its advantages in that a human being might be able to maintain a body small as a ten year old better than a large 7-foot athlete as they reach their 70s in age. Shhh, don't mention this to basketball players. 

I don't know what I've been naturally fretting about in being a short guy. I have been wishing all this time on being a tall guy who gets to date a very pretty and average sized woman while logically seeing that it is acceptable to be a short individual. I guess the heart is messed up as a result from being brainwashed under personal corruption and lust for power and highly addictive romance. Overall, the short jokes that taller guys can make sometimes no matter how mean and insincere they get while comparing to what's actually true is actually not that bad for me now. I still managed to make women shorter than me angry at me just because I wouldn't give them some attention or that's what I perceive right now. My old crushes have even befriended me on Facebook and don't hold anything against me. I guess for being a short guy in actuality, in my heart I could be living the life of a really nice, charming, handsome, and rich tall man. It seems like I've been around enough women to see that my personality can really affect them more than my physical stature. I see the responsibilities and emphasis that are placed on me now. I'm actually ready to get married now to a beautiful wife and enjoy a decent spiritual life while emphasizing the value of loving people like they were my neighbors and giving back to society. 

Messing Around Cleanly

What we do entirely with our free time is up to ourselves I guess. Even with a mother trying to give all this advice on what to do to her treasured and admirable son, the son is still going to end up doing where he wants to go much to the chagrin of the parent sometimes. Therefore, I think it's nice to always recognize things early before something goes too far and then becomes too late to fix. What's also a good thing is that sometimes with the things that were lost and how regrets could form in the heart, we can find consolidation and make peace with life while optionally taking a personal, spiritual journey.

My heart is starting to get bored on concerning myself over doing the easy stuff in life and also indulging in selfish desires. It's just becoming too stale and distasteful for me. I think there's a more enriching and entertaining way to go about things without having to resort to raging against everything when blowing a short fuse. I guess being patient and making preparations while withstanding the pressure of making it in life is the way to go. It's just so nice to finally obtain something that's just pretty nice and awesome and pretty deep. Basically, I'm trying to point out that we shouldn't really be short sighted on things because there's the bigger picture you should take a look at in a moral outlook. I guess when you think a little deeper sometimes, despite what others could do to bother you, you don't really have to make it that much of an impact in your life and worry about that portion while doing all you can to make things better for everyone. I believe that this  is probably how the majority of people might like to think and it's actually pretty normal.

Just Writing Anything

Realizing one's potential really comes from understanding the self's personality. It seems like in this world that people are going to have to make sacrifices sometimes for true wishes to come true. It sometimes seems like for me that when I truly go after something, when I try so hard it makes things worse and I don't obtain what I was looking for because I get hit with more problems. However, when I let go and it becomes in the back of my mind and I do other things, it seems like the opportunity arises again for me later through time. I really don't understand how I get put into these favorable situations yet, but in the moment in getting to them, I literally have to face some personal pain.

For now on, I'm not going to try to make any harder for myself then it needs to be. I'm just going to rely on something greater than myself. I'm honestly going to admit that I believe in a loving Father who reigns in heaven and that He has already spoken through the pages of the Bible.  I believe that my main purpose in life is to love God and others with all of my heart, mind, and soul. I also believe that through the challenges that I am faced with and all the struggles and pain I feel like I'm forced into sometimes, I am supposed to lead others to the light which contains a joy that surpasses all human desires.

My Money Making System With Forex

I think I've finally figured out how to trade Forex profitably. I've been doing it for awhile now and by just testing out strategies that I'm mainly comfortable with, I've finally compiled a complete system based on using ideas and techniques I've learned off of other successful traders. For the most part, I'm going to be using terminology probably most of my readers don't even know about. Anyway, I'm writing this post for myself and if anyone is interested, I'm okay with continuing any discussion they want to think of regarding Forex.

My main system is pretty much entering the market when price bounces or crosses over some moving averages after it breaks out support or resistance. I have both a short term or long term system but they both stick to the day chart. I've also added in the useful harmonic patterns to trade counter trends seamlessly and avoid slowing down markets. My main money maker is the all-useful fibonacci retracement tool- it's a real worker when calculating some reasonable stop losses and what I could expect to gain for profit. For the most part, my trades are set to win at least 1 to 2 risk to reward ratio or until it crosses on the opposite side of a price moving average. On a nut shell, I increase my chances of profitting if I set up a break even trade after a day of trading. Because I don't really want to spend that much time on Forex even though I could probably profit a lot more from watching it all the time, I want to enjoy some freedom to do other things. That is why trading on the day time frame using my break out system seems to be the best and most enjoyable for me. I only need to spend the most at like thirty minutes. It was hard at first to trade because I wanted to always be in and make money, but I've found that being patient and making these timely trades is more efficient for growing my account and letting it sustain me financially.

I've also been fortunate to find an automated trading robot which does hedging for me on the EUR/USD pair. I believe that the EUR/USD is the best pair to consistently trade and has the best opportunity for profitting. I'm also currently running some managed accounts on demo too, just to see how they perform with some human interpretation at work. Overall, I'm going to continuing gathering some useful data of my trading habits for about a year before I invest $25,000 into this market. It's probably going to be really fun and interesting to see what happens for me. I use a rule where I never trade beyond 2% of my account and to allow a good trade to ride and continue making as much pips as possible. I could probably see a nice ROI for myself sooner or later while only investing a little of my time each day.

Writing Boring Things Again

I guess no one really cares that I let go of a lot of things that was bothering me. I think the real test will be when I am faced with the situation again and how I behave because of it. I sort of see how I could really minister to others by keeping a sense of cool and gentleness. I guess I would like my actions to mean a lot more than my words now.

I'm pretty tired right now by the way. I just came home after working eight hours of a late night shift. I should be getting some rest now, but for some reason there has been a lot going on my mind lately. Because I'm so free from being angry at stuff that I've been bothered by for a couple years, I'm now thinking about more important things because I finally found how to deal with my own personal anger.

What Family Means

Family means being able to let go of something that bothers you about a person in your family. All too often I have been missing this point, like when I was walking inside and my mom greeted me, I was feeling angry about some random thing she did to bother me. The thing is that I recognized it and decided to not give into it. I guess we're all going to have problems somewhere down the line and somehow it seems like a loose ended road with our time here on Earth.

This is pretty insane but I heard on the news that a boy who was responsible for taking care of his disabled mother ended up beating his mom with an electric cord. I can see how a nagging mother would get so bothersome for anyone but man some little kids don't have any sense of decency. I'm just pointing out that no matter how hard it is to deal with anger management, it's probably best to let it go when you are with family.

Time To Do Something About It

These are my personal goals that I have in mind of completing if anything doesn't really keep me from fulfilling them. I have mainly seven goals that I'm going to share. It's really powerful to write down your goals too and to let them come out of your heart.

1. Get married.
2. Make lots of money ethically and have lots of free time to play.
3. Be ultra fit and knowledgeable and reliable in area of self-defense.
4. Live a pretty good spiritual life led by decent worship of God.
5. Be a pretty good instrumentalist.
6. Be decent at knowing other languages and cultures.
7. Learn about new things that could be tough but feels exciting to know.

I've recently added my goal of getting married as my number one priority. Obviously, everything doesn't always go your way so I'm pretty aware of that. Everything else on the list of my goals is something that I have worked on while some were more than others. Basically, it's really hard to not to have fun when you should be working on something productive sometimes.

Becoming Really Successful

Despite the things that might bother me day in and day out, I'm going to pretty much deal with those feelings by coping with them in a healthy way and doing something about it without getting genuinely too angry about it anymore. What would have normally made me angry about someone is now getting me to sort of laugh about it now because I can pretty much understand the other person's feelings now. I sort of see what would be a normal thing for them to do now.

Overall, there are a lot of things I could do to get myself carried away with in this world especially with one bad thing in particular. I pretty much know that it's not an absolutely ethical and moral thing to do so I'm not going to give into it. I pretty much have my curiosity fed enough to not really have to worry about taking the wrong step anymore. I'm just fully satisfied with the systematic pattern I finally recognized, and I should have at least enough potential to experience something really nice eventually! I'm turning away from that bad direction after flirting with the decision of going that way time and time again.

I guess what I'm looking for now is pretty much laid out in a decent fashion now. I'm pretty much relaxed about my goals too and not that worried about stuff.

Thinking With A Stronger Mind

The next level of thought processing after being able to get rid of negative thoughts and doing positive things which includes letting go of resentment against annoying people who you blocked on Facebook and unblocking them again without feeling too much hassle underneath, is developing a stronger mind.

The art of developing a stronger mind goes hand in hand with the principle of dropping all grudges and moving on with your life while letting go of something that just bugged you so much. It's pretty much dropping the things that just seem to hold you back personally. Trust me, it's not really personal when you made a personal decision about someone else; the person had to really do something to get you to that state of mindful decision. I'm talking about the personal decision of the person underneath the actual you- if you were to examine yourself throughout the day, you would get some feelings of wanting to steer off course every once in awhile such as wanting to be a little lazy or just feeling worn out.

There are just those positive priorities that just stand out in you, if you were to take the time to just notice them and stop aimlessly doing some unproductive things even if you want to take it from a literary context and say that it provides you some beneficial relief and gives you something to do. Maybe it just hasn't really been developed in some people yet, or maybe just some people are feeling really distraught or bothered and just seems like no matter what a person would say or even if the whole world was to present it in a plain context, they would just still not feel right about something.

I guess developing a stronger mind, means remembering all the reasons that helped you find resolve about something you didn't enjoy dealing with in the past. It also means letting go of that quickie such as turning on that cute television show or cute card game Microsoft provides and getting some personal tasks that just highlight your life out of the way before engaging in some fun time. Maybe fun time could also be learned to be something that's a part of you.
   

Letting Things Go

I realize that the art of letting go after doing something I have trouble controlling myself not to do is becoming more planted in my mind to do so. It feels uncomfortable in letting go, but at the same time I know that it is the right thing. I feel the burning sensation to give into the addictive cycle again but this time, I'm not going to. I finally see that what I've been doing is really pointless and unnecessary to get to where I really want to be in life. If something is going to happen, I mean there will be an opportunity to fix it when I really desire to obtain something at the appropriate time. 

I guess for whatever reason, people sometimes don't know how to get along with you and like to think that what they're mostly doing about it is right at the same time. All this time, it was just making me mad thinking about how they were just being when I could just let it go and move on. It was a really difficult state of being to get myself into it, but looks like moving on and letting go is doing me wonders in other areas I'm having trouble dealing with about myself too. 

For once in my life, I can let go of the sad or guilty feelings I sometimes get for feeling like a short man compared to others. It can't really be that bad because shorter woman than me don't make that much fuss about it. I can actually enjoy myself and laugh now when people make up short jokes about me behind my back or while we're messing around. It's okay with me now. I couldn't really have said all this and meant it very truthfully without learning to move on with something I feel bad about. 

Making A Choice

Over the past couple years, I've been quite so apt at writing about a woman at a church. While I was having trouble juggling angry feelings at that church, I would pretty much try to leave out saying hurtful comments about her even though I wasn't feeling that good about her too. Nowadays, I see it appropriate to leave all of them out and to drop the resentfulness and grudge against them.

The question has risen in my mind for awhile on if I should ask the woman out on a date or not. The answer has finally been resolved. I'm not going to call her up and ask her out; I think it's best to move on with her because I discern that we have too many differences. I'm not physically attracted to her anymore either. I don't think there's too much she could offer me, neither would I be able to do the same- well, I think it would be easier for me to be a committed person than for her, but it would probably be me whose doing most of the work if I were to say get married to her.

I think it's a decision I won't regret. I'm starting to understand this whole self-control issue and expressing my desires appropriately at certain times I get fortunate to put myself into now. I've been through two major and emotional stages now- the first being absolutely sad in my adolescent period and the second being absolutely frustrated. I've found resolve with both of them through just being fortunate to think through things in a personal matter and just keeping it simple for me to realize things.

Becoming Comfortable

For the most part, I believe that the majority of my thoughts are pretty much not new or anything. It's pretty much stuff that's going on my head and sort of gets me to tick and off of my seat and do something meaningful and well for myself. I've heard that people make at least ten thousand random thoughts a day or some extraordinary figure like that. It's just that I don't remember what I'm thinking half of the time.

I guess by writing- I'm just summarizing the big picture in what I'm thinking and just expressing it while feeling really good. One of the points that I've started to figure out is that there's no need to be nervous about meeting the woman you are interested in especially if you are a man. I used to feel all this nervous energy underneath me from wanting to be accepted and liked. I guess overall when it comes to looks, it all depends on how selfish the person wants to be when taking into account how attractive the person is.

I'm not really depending on looks anymore. I'm looking at something more meaningful on the long run because even though the physical attraction could be pleasurable and fun, I think there's something more long lasting by just genuinly enjoying the person's character and being around the person all the time. If there's a person I could more relate to and provide some balance with my highly restless and aggressive life, then I guess that's the compatibility I'm seriously looking for.

Pretty much a person who hasn't really been there and done that and is someone whose willing to go on an adventure with me- pretty much sentimental stuff like that. I'm pretty much on that type of boat and finding a meaningful and attractive person is something that I seriously no longer can base on how well the person appears to me physically. I'm pretty much just looking at the face or listening to the person so I guess what I'm feeling inwardly when things get exciting pretty much belongs to me and I just want to get the other person all hyped up with me. I can really state so far that a good woman where we are both mutually attracted to each other and come from similar backgrounds and are from around the same age period will provide good balance for me. The woman I'm currently into is a really delicate person too and I'm enjoying my moments of being around her and also getting to think about who she is.

Experiencing Something Exciting

I'm now understanding this whole day trading business. My closest friend told me that he thought it was just a heart beat that beats faster or slower sometimes. When he started investigating on the topic the first day, he immediately claimed that there were a lot of things he had to know. After first claiming that it would only take him eight months, he ended up saying that it would take him two years. On top of the length of commitment it takes to learn enough, I told him that it was going to be even more trickier when he started to trade.

I'm starting to understand that it takes patience to be decent at investing money in stocks. Everyday, I'm utilizing technical and fundamental factors and financial news to deal with the market. I guess my trading style is where I like to get into a trade and then let it make me a lot of money while I just sit there and watch. Some people are more into putting in money and taking a quick profit. I guess everybody is different in their style of thinking, but wherever someone wants to take it, it all depends on the person I suppose.

I have pretty much narrowed it down to five different trading methods, while three of them belong to me and are a work in progress. The other two seem like a really reliable way of generating profit comfortably to fit my trading preferences. I also have some automated trades set up which are just demo accounts. I'm pretty much testing them out to see if I could reliably build an account automatically without having to monitor those accounts in a technical fashion.

Honestly for now I don't really want to share what I know unless the person is very close to me. My dad wants in on what I'm endeavoring to do and has pledged about a 100 K in funds to begin with. I understand that it takes a lot of patience in the beginning to get everything right and so that's still the stage I'm in.

Taking On Human Beings

I can now see from my own eyes that sometimes people like my little sister enjoy being a little crazy and don't care if they are wrong or not. Anyway, I find my little sister a pretty boring individual and a little crazy at the same time. When we had dinner and a mommy of my dad's friends showed her a picture of her eldest son and asked her how she felt about him, she just started cracking up. My little sister also sort of hates Asian men because of her perception while growing up. I guess I didn't help too much in mending the perception because I had my way with making fun of her because I was just bored while growing up.

Nowadays, my little sister walks in with some Christmas tree shaped watermelons on a random day my dad's friends decided to show up for dinner. I go over to help her clean the dishes and she tells me to go away. I offer her a tray of lobster tails out of free will and she rejects the offer. Boy, there are a lot of things I could mad over with my little sister but for now, I've learned to just let go.

Really Sad Things

Pretty much a horrible thing happened to me. While I was walking to my vehicle after running around a college campus and not being able to get into the class from being full, my vehicle was almost towed! I received a parking ticket that is so expensive- yes, it's $45. The guy told me that I missed free parking by only a block away. Man, I was so close to not getting this ticket.

Yeah, life sucks sometimes and you can't do anything about it. I even dreamed about meeting up with really old friends at a place that I knew they were living at. I stop by that apartment and then a random Asian dude opens the door and tells me that they moved! I woke up and felt a little disappointed before realizing it wasn't real life anyway. Also in my dream, I was able to visualize some really crazy carnival rides that was located at the center of the apartment complex while I was attempting to make contact with my really old buddies. I guess that would be cool just that it would probably be a lot of money for upkeep and probably also bug some neighbors out of noise. Okay, it's what I would like to call a pipe dream! When I woke up, I honestly regretted not feeling like wasting my time and getting on one of those rides in my dream. It would have been interesting to see how my brain would get into an altered state of excitement and cause me to pop something that feels really good afterwards but is sort of a hassle to deal with after.

Sweet! A Decent Start

I finally have a month where at least one person other than myself read through all of my posts for a given month! For the rest of the months in my small time hobby with writing on here just for kicks and laughs, I see that there's a post no one really gave attention too. I guess I'll call last month a really special period because for the first time in my life, I actually have something that I can perceive as being a persumably normal happening on this blog!

I sort of notice that my energy level is something that develops on a whim. In other words, I sort of plan stuff in my heart and conscience and then all of a sudden act on it with instinctive effort. I'm starting to become a little more consistent than I was in the past with being quite productive. I just keep forgetting about doing things as I normally do. I think I need to just naturally recall things again and trust in a vision that's buried within my heart. I mean to do well okay, but I might really be just a regular dude with those regular feelings after all. Like the characters we watch in anime, nobody really likes to envision themselves being just a regular civilian and wants to feel like they're the main character of a successful series. For myself, I know that I'm a regular civilian.

I guess I'll do the best I can now to live out these human desires in a decent way possible without trying to destroy some people's lives now. I am pretty much a pretty feared individual thanks to those botched civil restraining orders. Along with me writing about things that actually help people if they apply it now, I guess that's what keeps some people around me. Other than that, I guess I am getting along with the majority of people I know these day.

Last Month Had Most Views

I hardly was on my blog last month. Okay, I sometimes spend a little time analyzing what some readers have been looking at so I could probably get a good idea of what they like. I then supposedly review what they read in what I wrote. Writing is sort of like a behavior where I'm just recording stuff that happened, and it necessarily doesn't mean that I remember everything I put down. I guess that's why they say the foolish can sometimes write really bad material and get themselves in trouble!

I remember how I dealt with anger issues by writing to people directly and then writing about stuff that they didn't comprehend. I didn't even admit that I was feeling angry with them. I only talked about things that looked like something was wrong. As funny as it is now for me to look back, I was wrong to hold on to those grudges even after I sent them those incomprehensible, destructive, and personally scornful messages that just made me feel better about myself and give a reason for others to make their lives a lot harder. At the same time, I would try to end each message by saying that I was going to do my best to be nice with them while accepting everything wrong about myself but in a very unclear message. It's really annoying to people who have had trouble dealing with drama in the past, and I guess it just shows that everyone has a form of this anger that I possessed. It makes absolute sense that they would feel insecure underneath even if they can't see it for themselves. Usually, I guess if I go into hustling mode with them then I guess they're just going to try to block out everything I'm doing to them no matter how bad I'm feeling about what I'm doing.

Overall, just having a personal grudge in general with anything is really bad and it's something you have to let go even if you can't solve an issue with a pretty ignorant person. No matter who the person is and no matter how much you expected him or her to respond to you in a positive manner, you sometimes have to let go of things. This is a lesson that I thankfully learned without getting too much in trouble. I'm glad that I feel so much free from having realized where the tension actually was and having already done my part in letting it go.