Fear of Knowing Too Much

There's this girl I formally had a crush on but went downhill for me. Now when I look back, I am like what??? for reals. This is why I am not so gung-ho about a pretty woman's initial appearance to me now. A womanizing friend told me that being attracted to someone for anything makes you want to naturally know that person more. Another acquaintance voluntarily told me that nobody cares if an attractive woman likes you because it's just the way things are. Only reason for this is that I was like, "Who am I really when I have nothing really to offer?" I had one pretty individual I had an opportunity with but felt too high for my standard. I felt like a bum and that I would have to work very hard and it just didn't feel right for me so I let her go and she moved on to get engaged with someone else who I felt was right for her at the time. I honestly think she could have done better now. Hahaha!

Well the first girl I feel retarded about liking is Annie Suede (née Tran). She's sort of skinny with a dark complexion and I guess I liked her approaching me all friendly in the beginning. I thought she looked cute, but slowly from having a hard time speaking to her from being shy and trying to understand some weird things about her made me just blow up internally. A lot of the things she did really turned me off, but God bless her soul!

What bothers me to this day is that Annie said that studying the Bible too much basically sucks! That made me so mad! I had no counter for it. Now I do. It really pertains to having the right heart for wanting to follow and know God. The temptations that we identify with them from understanding our Bible studies will lead us to have to choose between the Lord's way or giving into a sin and then feeling rotten over it later. Basically, it's about living a challenging and humble life which isn't supposed to be mistaken for having pride over knowing too much which is what Annie feared so much.

I don't really like her because of that! I will still bug her about being my Facebook friend because she doesn't want that and is wrong from having feelings she can't let go of. I am right in doing this because I am being positive. Annie is right in that she didn't testify against me when she had the opportunity, so I think she developed secretly a liking for me which I can accept with dignity! She sort of has a tsundere persona which is basically being a violent, bad girl with some guy she likes. I had a girl act that way with me. She was like "I love you, but I am going to yell at you and put a restraining order on you." I was so mad at that girl that I harassed her with non-violent messages while making fun of her. That's a different girl I am talking about besides Annie. I am making closing statements with this now.