Making Adjustments

I'm not going to lie but from being single and almost already 35 next year, man, that's a huge number and I'm this little guy with a big heart. I want to really think that way. Thinking about it, I actually feel sorry for the wives of Jarred and Chris at that old and lame Hope of God church. They (intentionally left ambiguous) might be loving and sweet sometimes, but they really have a bad side to them. I'm not really interested in Mina or Judy either. It's like whatever for me, but I'm just talking about them because I feel annoyed with Jarred and Chris and thinking about Jarred and Chris (intentionally revealed) being bad at romance and sex!

I'm basically saying that if you end up finding the right person to fall in love with, everything just falls into place. I'm preaching it and I read this from a slick autobiography about the author spending his time sleeping with prostitutes. He would analyze the woman's body and how their sexual prowess was and all of that which guys are prone to doing. In the end, he fell in love with a prostitute! Out of that humor, there's the conclusion that if you meet the right person for whatever context, it's lining up and happening.

With four kids running around Chris and mentally testing him, I'm coming back to really make him stressed out! If Chris was smart, he would just leave and never come back to the old and lame Hope of God church. I'll tell him that to leave if he doesn't want to add me on Facebook because he's already so stupid anyway and I'll tell that to Jarred the same. Obviously, I'm being random with my truthful statements with feelings but emotions are meant to be contradictory from the start anyway. I'm guessing it's a mark to show that we have sinful natures already.

Jesus was melancholy and weeping at the Garden of Gethsemane. It's holy and he was crying about the Father having to abandon him at the cross to pay the ultimate price for washing away all sins to believers who want it. I guess there's nothing selfish then about wanting a friendship with a stupid and silly person like Chris or Jarred. Jarred, I'm thinking is a lazy putz and like a spoiled brat and gets moody when he's convinced something is so right and not getting his way but I'm glad he's wrong, and he's about to get my physical treatment to remind how he was really wrong and he's of no help. Jarred is going down the drain.

Basically, if Jarred was smart too, he would leave that lame church also and never come back.  I need to stay cool and follow the rules. Their rules are twisted and out of proportion. They suck as human beings because they want to be all religious with Christianity! They are limiting their own potential and not seeing the actual truth about Christianity. It's about having freedom with a relationship to God through faith that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Freedom in a relationship via any means is so much different from practicing religion. Chris really sucks and has a distorted view about life, but hey, the human heart is wicked and deceitful already. You can look all nice on the outside but on the inside, it's all chaos!

So what have I been doing besides just masturbating occasionally and feeling great about lasting awhile to porn? I've been feeling like how porn is useless because I'm going on longer each time. It gets boring and it's like this might not even be sex sex anymore with a real girl, if I ever find the right one to marry. Yeah, I'm going to be very sexually active in marriage. Porn isn't helping me to do that because it really tests the conventional standard to begin with. I've been trying to study what creates pleasure in sex but it looks like emotions and taking turns pleasing each other with like an understood language of love is what gets the job done! Looking at porn from a feminist's point of view is wrong too because it's having sex outside of marriage but the emotions and all of it match to what should be in a marriage. In a marriage with all of that good feminist stuff coming straight out of porn and the guy enjoying it like at a sky-rocket pace, then yeah sex is meant to be so fun and it's all for you with the one partner who fell in love with you- your wife. Yeah, it makes all sense and adds up. Masturbating to porno is wrong even though it feels good sometimes. There should be a partnership and communication going on and me having nobody yet, I need to go find her!

It really hurts to have a girl I'm sort of digging having a different perspective of life, so I'm just going okay, friend and I'll hang with her and I'm not convincing her to change. After awhile, she just stays a friend. Sometimes, she shows her romantic interest in me and I'm like, hmmm then.

I'm apologizing to God right now via praying to Jesus that I'm sorry for being so stupid and thank you, for letting me start another day fresh again. I already feel so much better!  Amen.

So basically, I'm a total smart aleck and can figuratively tear a huge hole out of nothing on the ground for people to fall into. I like to reach my hand in and forcefully pull them out in an angry fashion and then start lambasting them like a butthead. It's really funny to me now that I think about it and I don't feel bad about it. All I want now is for those people to run far away from me and for me to never see them or just add me on any social media site that I could look at and laugh at them behind their backs.

I ended up setting up some trades and one of them went really well right away. I need to do a rinse and repeat type of method and I'm digging the trading style I'm doing. I'm going to stick to it and trade pretty much volumes without me knowing what I'm doing and just keep working at it a little each day. I don't really mind turning this into a profession for me, and I won't have to deal with the headache of having to clock in at an office from 5 am to 6 pm everyday because that's how it feels with me waking up to drive and coming back home each day.

Oh yeah, lastly I managed to get a small workout in. I need to expand on it and I missed out on reading the Bible from being distracted with my hormones and looking up porno to masturbate to like an idiot. I haven't done it in like a few weeks so yeah, it felt really good! Yet, I think I need to deny myself the pleasure (pun intended) and go after marrying a good girl. It's all of that torture and hard road that I think God is trying to shape me up still with. Yeah, I'm pretty unique and going to probably last for a long time because of my emotions and desires with loving being around people and even those I want to smack around and despise like the lame people at that Hope of God church in Los Angeles.