I'm starting to now laugh about my failures in communicating with people and them falling out with me. It's always happened to me and I know they don't think I'm cool because I made them so mad or crazy for whatever reason that I get annoyed over trying to figure out. Sometimes, I get flashbacks and imagine how it would have been like if I went swinging for the fences by punching their lights out or sitting on them with my heavy frame. If I did something like that, then I would be way out of control and even more scarier but probably funny if I tried to justify it. I could even go to prison for it.
Beating up people in my past just for the sake of getting in trouble and appeasing my anger issues just isn't worth it. I can see why guys in movies can be called villains for how they beat up characters. There's a way to laugh in front of their faces and move on which is a lot easier. It's so much more effective and is like tearing out their hearts from using meaningful words. They would feel so helpless with you and not have anything to go with in getting you in trouble if they wanted to settle on being antagonistic. I have been pretty good at bothering people I'm mad at though and for them to be quite affected by it at times. I'm called scary for a reason behind people's backs and didn't know what they meant, but now I can get pretty good laughs about it and just say something like "Whatever stupid!"
A lot of this has been coming to mainly acceptance and thinking through my steps. Yesterday, a buddy annoyed me again by responding to me with a dumb text message. I messaged him that he's annoying and he replied with a message that says he doesn't comprehend it fully. He's not able to see himself in a factual, third person view too well for two reasons; it's acting like a robot with no feelings. Secondly, he has too much going inside of his mind and emotions which translates to frustrations, depression, or anxiety. He pretty much said something about how he accepted it because he's better than me in some way. Okay, I'll let it slide but I'm better than him in that I'm more intelligent to be able to write about him discreetly and to also have better honesty which causes me to find acceptance and be motivated to work hard for improving myself.
