Working Through Adversity

I honestly think I was naturally born for dealing with a great amount of mental adversity. I did get lucky enough to find myself out of great distress a long time ago while going through puberty! It was totally nuts while dealing with my obsession for playing video games and enjoying some perverted actions secretly while staying a true gentleman to all the ladies out there. I even read a book on "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and was labeled as trash by the book store owner when I tried re-selling it to him.

Regardless of whatever outcome is happening, the mind should be positive about all of it and persevere with great effort to get somewhere you want to go in life. Yesterday, I realized that I was watching a highly entertaining anime series and couldn't drop it to do my grown-up activities last night. I did manage to take a shower again before going to sleep and that was only from having a revelation that it felt good and how I could just douse myself with water in the shower when I wake up to save some time while rinsing.

I would like to be able to drop a naturally fun thing for me and work on a difficult and less appealing task that I deem to be worthy of my attention! The trick is to just stay confident and positive about all of it and to keep on persevering. It's going to be never-ending so why set up a crash date? My parents were crazy to emulate because they had this type of model while I was growing up. I was confused from being spoiled with wanting nothing but the best and how they struggled from not being financially successful and unwilling to teach me a method that I would be happy with. This struggle in dealing with crazy parents and people all my life made things take longer for me, but I hold no grudges because I can't stay mad at any of them. 

Regardless of me aging, it's still the same belief system I am adopting in staying confident and positive while persevering to get anywhere I want to go and from realizing that staying glued to watching those fun episodes might have not been the best thing for me. I want to be able to break it off after having fun momentarily and get back to work. It's about managing stress and boredom and all these personal weaknesses of mine without going crazy, so being positive and confident about all of it while persevering is the way to go!   

Motivation for Blogging Here

I feel like this is my open journal I'm sharing the world with. It's also convenient to have something that I can make a feeble attempt at connecting with a reader out there. Sure, I'm Asian and that's about it unless you know my real name. I'm pretty lucky in a sense that from having been mad for awhile, I didn't write anything horrible enough to get in big trouble with the law. The worst I came close to happened outside of this blog from coming across crazy people I'm responsible for annoying in my own innocent way. I didn't do anything too bad to warrant getting in trouble like that. I think they were just going through something more deeper inside of them and didn't really have anything to relate with me, so they ended up getting crazy because they were really upset about something and couldn't accept it at the time. 

The keyword is once again with them just being crazy, and it just ties together the foundation of my education in dealing with people! It's quite interesting in that I'm not really going to benefit anything monetarily off of this. I also feel that there really isn't much positive reinforcement for blogging on this unknown site and how there's better establishments out there, if you wish to acquire different things. The reason why this site works for me is that I can be comfortable with visitors going through it and not even worried about attracting popularity. 

In a sense and to my core belief, I only need to make a difference to one soul at a time to feel satisfied somehow! I'm pretty much the most active for my occupation title of only about 890 at most right now. I could very well be one of the most active on this site as a whole from being able to post one time a day. I guess I'm pretty unique in a sense from enjoying doing this and also being self-motivated. 

Minor Issues to Work On

Yesterday, I felt a little annoyed with myself while driving and going to a drive-thru car wash. I made a couple turns too early and had to do an unwanted U-turn each time. It wasn't the worst thing since I lost only a couple minutes, but I felt a little irritated from wanting to be more efficient. I also ended up forgetting that Father's Day was coming up, so by the time this post rolls around it's going to be way past the date. 

The way I see myself going about it to make myself feel better is praying about it to the Lord and asking that I would become better while letting it be used for serving in His kingdom. It was just a simple prayer and most likely, I will be forgetting about it soon. What was interesting to watch a little while ago is this anime about a dedicated RPG gamer and how he created some NPCs with his friends and then before the game server was about to shut down, he finds himself teleported to an alternate dimension where the game became the real world. His NPCs become alive too and think he is a god for creating them and want to serve him with their whole-hearts devotionally and feel so happy from thinking he didn't abandon them like the rest of his friends did. I just wonder if there's some form of similarity with the God of this real world I believe in! 

The plus side is how I feel more relieved and aware of the things that tick me off and how I'm able to deal with them by just labeling in my head the people who make me feel that way at any time to be crazy! It doesn't affect my relationship-driven approach with them because it's just naturally who I am as a person. I like to be nice and carry a good relationship with just about anyone, no matter how bad they are. If I sense they are evil, dangerous, or a little too kooky, I'm  keeping my distance while being open to things turning out better for the both of us.

Fixing Up Yesterday

So now, I'm realizing the importance of maintaining a positive attitude while being bored doing some work. I am pretty spoiled in a way that I love to have fun at everything I do, before I'm willing to commit it to daily hard work. I was trying to limit the amount of anime episodes to watch and I managed to break out of it after four episodes to go take a shower and brush my teeth while getting ready for bed. I figured that I wanted to get started on creating my accounts for doing stocks, but then I ended up watching another episode to put it off. I was really sleepy by this time and voluntarily went to sleep. I actually felt good about it since I washed up and felt satisfied with it. I'm going to repeat this thing in taking a shower before I go to sleep. 

What made me successful in carrying it out was understanding that I was going to get sleepy really soon so I decided to prep up for bed. After I had that done, I felt energized again so felt I could put off my hard task of setting up my side business and decided to watch an additional fun episode before starting but then I became exhausted and couldn't pay attention to it. I didn't feel like I was watching anything fun because I was so drowsy, so I think I could easily put it off for today to focus on this important step now. 

Setting Priorities Straight

I found myself binge watching anime last weekend and playing a few hours of online Poker while also catching up on playing some Animal Crossing. I didn't quite finish my main task at hand which was putting my money into a side business I have in mind and paying off a small bill related to auto insurance. It's really not that fun to be honest because I didn't feel that comfortable about touching my savings last weekend. I guess it's normal, and I did say that I'm comfortable about going into this business so might as well start by wagering small while working hard at it with the convenient business model I have in mind.

This evening, I plan to work on getting my side business sorted out with getting my starting accounts set up before playing some online Poker and then watching a few anime episodes before I get tired. Maybe in between anime episodes, I could work on organizing this weekend like I do plan on spending time with a friend who is a girl and someone I'm considering marrying. She shows interest in me because we have had a couple, informal, and fun dates and could also be that we were only born a few months apart. I'm the older one! She's a little taller but doesn't seem to mind at all which is cool so I might as well work on building some more confidence while I'm around her and knowing that I'll never be taking advantage of anyone. 

Understand How to Work

I'm very lucky to have this software engineering job title. I can see how it gets looked down upon by a crazy manager at work but it doesn't really bother me. It's no doubt that I am pretty good at working with computers while being able to look up on things people are willing to share over the Internet. I even have a degree in it and felt guilty pleasure for the longest time because I was conflicted about dedicating my life to God with it.Yet, now I completely understand that enjoying this line of work is pretty much a fulfilling calling for me in this world and I can apply these skills to be a servant to the Lord. I will never be that knowledgeable about the Bible because I have a falling out with it. I believe that the Lord just cares about me believing in Christ dying on the cross for man's sins and accepting him into my heart for going to heaven. I know it's hard because it is emotional in a sense to some people because they like to add on you have to be a good person as well in their own eyes, but in the end the final judgement call belongs to the Lord. 

For my job in detail, I have a list that I'm going through for making my software run better for the company. It's pretty fun. I guess since this is a family business and even though I could work on myself for finding myself a better paying job with benefits, I plan on sticking around here and enjoying the down time I can be lucky with once it happens. With the down time, I'm going to work on completing my online courses for a mini-Masters in IT. During the meantime, I have a running list to complete that I'm treating like my chore and to keep me occupied while being lucky enough that I do enjoy this work and to get paid for it. 

Looking at What Matters

When I look at it, it's pretty much a value system of personal preference and can always be subject to being tested at any time. The way I see it is to work hard, have a positive attitude, be smart, and present a nice personality no matter what happens! The people who get you ticked off are practically crazy and could be anyone in this world, so it would be a waste of time to continue staying mad at him or her.

Along with those qualities, it would be working on a nice, eclectic range that helps out a lot too! I don't think people care about me too much man, but yeah it was fun to begin with. Getting all anxious is so funny and that's what I was like. My mistakes are absolutely hilarious and even though I may think people are still crazy, it's okay I'm not going to stay mad and be that short guy who gets annoying and bullies around others while being such a lost cause to get things my way eventually. Either way, what made me get results was just sticking to it and working hard at it even if it meant feeling like the world was crashing down on me and hiding all of those insecurities from the ladies. I pretty much had a quiet nature that I was really feeling sorrowful over. It's really not much of a big deal now with all of these personal emotions, since I'm a guy and have had to work at overcoming them sooner or later anyway.   

Finding Acceptance and Improving

I've been feeling more accepting these days of my situation and not really sulking anymore underneath selfishly about things not going my way. I think everybody has their own way of dealing with some impossible obsessions. For me, I just couldn't let it go because of my stubbornness. I had some weird ideas of how life is run, but hey it was my own opinion. 

These days, I don't think it really matters too much. I do have a friend who calls me up and sees me like family. She sees me like a big brother or says she does while acting another way. Basically, she really isn't the physically affectionate type. She deals with social anxiety issues and other stress-related drama from her lifestyle choices and being born with an incurable disease. I still like her a good deal for who she is and try to go out of my way to just help her whenever she asks me, even if it's not that comfortable to me.

I'm actually comfortable about maintaining a close relationship with her, and I think the only significant opening I've seen with her is bonding together while cooking and watching movies together. We have even traveled together while being just the two of us, so she's used to being around me and treating me like another sibling while traveling. Those trips are pretty challenging in that they can get a little irritating with not much meaningful words being exchanged. It's sort of like pushing myself to make something good happen out of it, but I'm struggling underneath!  

Basically, to form a deeper and romantic relationship with her, it would just mean continuing to do things with her. I guess I could look at it from the point of being like we're currently friends with a thing for each other somehow but not trying to give into each other. She's been interested in trying to set me up with one of her friends who is a pretty and single mom and feels she would be more compatible for me. I'm really not sure about that because I am a short man even though I don't look that way entirely. Anyway, this friend of mine is one of my possible love interests. It's still fun just to have someone who I care about a lot interested in hanging out with me. 

Basic Happy Routine

Well, I'm looking to change around a lot of different things, but first I need to make the dough. I feel like I'm in the right direction now that I have decided to commit myself to investing in stocks, along with trading currency and playing online Poker. Poker is going to take me a while longer to start playing for real, but my currency trading has paid its dues and I'm ready for it. The thing about it is that all of this is something I enjoy doing as well. 

I see my objective being about learning something new to have fun in the end. I do have some unfinished graduate-level coursework to still finish. I can go about focusing on them whenever I get the chance. It's just a matter of commitment and the best way to leave it there for me is to maintain a positive attitude about it. I associate positivity with being fun and having fun is what I love to do! I just need to push myself enough while keeping it sensible and staying dedicated. I think that's all there really is to it now.

I'm going to try this whole living through entertainment with games, YouTube videos, anime, and other things by making it the last thing or when I burn out. I still want to do more with my daily life, so I will do the best I can to carry out those personal errands. It's starting to make sense with how writing this is something I could look back on as well and be in a different state of mind after letting what I currently have pass. 

At work, I'm pretty much good to begin my business everyday after answering a question on Quora, writing a couple posts on here, and looking at my trades. Sometimes, I'll let my mind wander off a little but it's really all about getting myself back to focus and doing a good job. I think I will also be looking at some emails and meetups I can attend in the future later once this Covid-19 pandemic passes. 

After Action Review From Yesterday Night

I received last night a package for learning to trade stocks. I bought a membership to a prestigious investor group that is endorsed by Bill O'Reilly who is a famous broadcaster and best-selling author of fifteen books. He is about honest journalism and likes to keep it simple but his style is entertaining too, so that's probably why he's the best.

I ended up spending the evening while feeling sleepy and played a good session of online Poker while re-reading the 4 Pillars of Wealth. I absolutely agree with everything it says and now ready to get started. There's nothing wrong here but after I was done with my Poker session, I had a few more things to do planned out in my head while I was exhausted and instead of pushing myself, I laid down thinking I was going to take a nap and then I fell into a deep sleep and woke up to get ready for work again the next day.

I missed brushing my teeth again and taking a shower! I intended to also look to do some more trading before heading off to bed. I laid off watching some anime episodes and playing video games because I told myself to save it for last yesterday. I don't really feel bad about missing out on my usual entertainment. I'll try again this time but push myself to brush my teeth and take a shower this time when I've just had it at staying up. 

Setting Priorities Straight

Yesterday was my birthday so I ended up lounging around and watching anime episodes. Today, I could try going after my more fun priorities and stick to entertainment for my last because they tend to be the most time consuming and most engaging anyway. They feel the most rewarding too sometimes that I want to skip right to doing them first, but it doesn't always feel right to me after a time being. 

I guess I'm meant to be a more serious and practical individual even though I just spill out a lot of personal comments that gets me laughing about it quite a bit. I can be pretty serious, technical, and boring as well on topics I know about so it's interesting with my range that I'm capable of communicating. 

The thing is I don't have full mastery of these great intentions yet. I don't think I'm very locked in on it because I don't see how I could really make a living off of it from not really being my calling. I don't really like doing a service for people and getting paid for it. I guess this is why I'm switching over to competing in lucrative and fair games to take money from outsmarting opponents who are in it to do the same with me as well. I intend to of course give back and maybe I'll overlook the bad apples and still give regardless since as a whole the potential is great. 

I don't want to reward laziness with the hard work I put in and think those people are being crazy asking me to do the work for them while being business owners. I don't really need their money to begin with, so I prefer to compete against them while being lazy and crazy and then take their money, too!  

Realizing From Hindsight

I recognize something that would be considerably scary to some but never took it seriously while I was driving some individuals crazy in the past. They ended up gaslighting me! Only two individuals out of the many and one doesn't count now went for a restraining order on me. Of the two, one was a young man and another a young, crazy lady. I think it's fair to call her Crazy Lee to this day because I kept on letting the keyword slip right past through me. The word I'm referring to is 'crazy'! 

I accept all of it with how I was being very annoying to them and not approaching them tactfully enough. I wasn't too bad with them of course, since I'm still a relational-type person no matter how much someone ends up trying to destroy me or drives me nuts! What just held me back all this time was from being really angry about it and not able to accept it. 

I don't know how this acceptance phase happened for me, but it's something important to touch upon as I can remember. First off, it was about finding relief from this poor drama which felt like a sickening comedic act was being forced upon me the whole time. This is where God came into play and what helped was seriously reading and connecting with those devotionals a lovely person gave to me. I'm seriously touched by how it still has this lasting effect on me even though the details are slowly fleeting away. It was after all, an experience with getting a positive emotional recovery! 

Developing faith in Jesus can be such a wild, emotional ride but what must be rooted in me is just how the Lord's message of salvation clicked for me back then. It's going to be different for everyone else of course and some may be less sensitive to it. I can't represent everyone but having this loving attitude for the things of the Lord and continually praying for someone to come to the Way sure is a beautiful and amazing thing! It can be a lifelong journey that's very satisfying when it does reach its destination and what better way than to end this post on a beautiful note from the encouraging Bible. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Creating Better Habits

It looks like I want to be more professional and accepting of how things are going. With current times as I'm writing this post, I know it's going to be a little late by the time this post comes around. There's been some looting and protesting going on with the whole Black Lives Matter incident. A black man died from not being able to breath while a cop was detaining him on the ground and a video has gone viral. The cop has lost his job, but he hasn't been prosecuted yet which was what the protesting crowd is calling for. 

Thinking about it, it's time that I started putting in some money on my currency trades and also doing some investing with my preferences having been set. I'm pretty excited about where this could all lead to. I'm probably going to cap it at $5000 per year at the moment, until I can get better results. I don't really mind losing but that's not what I'm going into this business for. I'm trying to turn myself into a millionaire! 

I guess I could do that and then work on some cooking. It would be nice I suppose. I don't think my looks really matter that much after doing the best I could with it! It's about maintaining confidence and meeting the right one or working it out with someone I like who is nice enough to let me. Rejections are a thing that happens and it's not really playing into any negativity for me now.   

Thing to Improve

Well, I'm writing this post on my birthday right now so it means this will be long gone for me by then when it shows on the blog. It's interesting how writing can be a useful tool for me. Basically yesterday, I ended up playing Animal Crossing a lot longer than I should have and then did a little trading and falling asleep while playing online Poker and then brushed my teeth before going to bed. I was too tired to work on planning some stocks after.

I think from today, I can focus on playing Animal Crossing and other games on my Switch last. I also have some fun anime episodes I could watch too while streaming them for free! 

With the things that I want to work on, it now figures that you just have to set your mind on it and work hard at it. It also deals a lot with your personal attitude too. Seriously, I don't think being short really matters that much anymore. I'm less likely to turn any heads than my much better looking and taller competitors. It's not really that necessary anyway and just have to work at finding someone better to be with then. In the meantime and just for fun, I could maintain myself while trying to make myself good-looking much as possible.  

Keeping It Positive and Comfortable

It looks like my mind has been getting better at handling some letdowns. I still feel a little sad to the eyes when I approach a taller person sometimes. It's just a feeling of personal grief! I'm able to still grind at pushing myself while being under the spell. I can now laugh at crazy, taller people making fun of my height though. 

It really does come down to having a healthy mindset and working towards achieving something. Overcoming mistakes are sort of like trial and error. It's like playing this puzzle game called Death Squared on the Nintendo Switch. It's basically blocks moving around on a platform and controlling them to avoid booby traps to get it to its designated spot. The time to finish each level is recorded and even the amount of deaths from falling into a void, blowing up, or hitting spikes are kept track of. The difficulty of getting through obstacles increases as you get through later stages but isn't impossible if you can visualize what will happen and have enough patience. It's entertaining and is sort of how the mind works to solve problems!  

I think it's really just starting on something and then committing oneself to finishing it, while making it a daily routine. I guess it's mental stress or something else going on underneath that keeps you from going there. I guess the mind needs to feel warmed up or engaged first before it can handle something less exciting. This is probably what daydreaming and searching the web for other solutions can help you in. 

Mainly, it's about staying positive and committed to going where you want to go. It can apply at anytime and where I treasure my heart lying at the most is putting my faith in the Bible. It's like having this feeling of unforgettable joy for me and this connection of so much personal relief while continually increasing in self-acceptance. I'm staying a true believer of Jesus but I can't say that my heart is always aligned to his ways. This reminds me that I should be asking for forgiveness while seeking out the perfect path to walk. It's a bunch of labor pains! 

Oh, What to Do?

Backtracking from yesterday, I went to bed without taking a shower but I wasn't sweaty or anything. I realized that I was half-asleep while playing on my laptop and just dozing off and forcing myself to wake back up again. I forgot that if I really wanted to stay awake then I could have made myself some coffee or tea.

I ended up playing a few hours of Animal Crossing and then found myself dozing off to online Poker and working on managing my currency trades. I'm pretty much ready now to start playing for real money in currency and investing in long-term stocks. I think I will start out with contributing about $5000 on stocks per year total and keep it at only $1000 on currency because of its high risk and volatile nature. This sounds like a pretty good newbie amount for me. 

I would still like to put in the time to cook and work out, while fussing a little over my personal hygiene and giving myself a better appearance just for fun. It's really about putting the heart in the right place now. There's no need to look down upon others. Besides, I'm already a shorty! Not that I really care anymore. Thinking about it, it may matter to some but there might be others who don't really mind if you are short to them. It's just about working on the personality, intelligence, and being successful. It should be good enough then with finding a beautiful lady to enjoy a nice life with. Hard work isn't limited to just a few people. It can be accessible to anybody!  

Finding It Funny

What used to bother me for so many years wasn't really ever such a big deal in the first place. I was going through a lot of personal complexes and grinding it out while feeling so angry over things that I felt were out of hand and trying to stay a gentleman about it. I did get my beautiful answer from messaging the right person, who was a girl of all people! She wisely didn't reply back with her own words but used works from a writer who she looks up to. The focus was mainly on God's message from the Bible. God's Word is really powerful and life-changing stuff. 

Along with finding comfort in my own shell thanks to being encouraged from reading Scriptures, I started labeling all my past troubles as crazy including the ones who became like loose cannons to me. Yeah, it's an issue I can personally sort out now and it's mainly from not losing heart if there's any failure that happens while putting in the effort to try again in a more tactical manner. At least I'm not trying to make something worse but feeling good about getting along no matter how weird it feels to the other crazy person. I drove those people crazy over silly matters they were confused about and gave them a hard time. I'm at fault for this, but what I realize overcomes the repercussions from them being so bitter with me or not in the mood for being nice, is just talking them through it. 

Where my fault lies is that I didn't do exactly what needed to be done because my heart was in the wrong place. I was going to yell at them and knew that I was going to go crazy while feeding them passionate lip service where I would have no stable grasp over. I didn't want to feel insecure about yelling at them and then saying that I wanted to be cool with them the next day I saw them. This is why, it's important for me to constantly think they are already crazy so acting like that won't ever happen because I can't stay mad at those types of people.  

Being Self-motivated

It's quite funny in a sense with how I'm being entertained by reading my own writing now. I don't recall everything I write, but even if I did I would call it a curse then because I occasionally have a few posts that don't connect very well with people. I think most of the time it seems like I might be giving off this whole high and mighty act while feeling good about it from being so confident. It doesn't take away the attention of people for some reason and neither does it really get someone to simply click the like button for me. I'm not really asking for it in the first place.

This is how I'm perceiving my own writing. It's pretty good in a sense that I like to get carried away with what I put in the past and read them over again a lot. It feels good to read mainly positive and highly energized posts from myself. It's probably what is causing this good effect of keeping me committed to writing decent posts. 

Yet now, I'm pretty much ready to invest my money now to focus on it as a side business in hopes of becoming wealthy. I am grateful for this opportunity I have as a software engineer and even though I'm not getting the paid the amount I like, it's still comfortable enough to feel like I could take myself to the next level with it. Overall, I believe it's also a fair exchange with what I'm receiving for my own services. I'm just plain lucky to have got here so far.

The thing that I would like to routinely work on after doing my side business is work out and cook. For my personal free time, I can enjoy watching a few anime episodes and play games on my Switch. I'm pretty happy with what I have going and think I have to take care of it.   

Looking into Yesterday's Tasks

I spent some time researching my investing options, and I feel confident about having picked the right source to use and with making the right considerations. I'm going for an all-out moderate approach, since I don't mind risking a decent amount to make it big. Of course, I'm not going to put all of my money into this and keep a little aside to pay off the bills or go on a vacation spree!

From spending most of my evening, looking up the products and services that are being offered for me, I feel like I really made a wise choice with signing on to be a member. I realize that I have a specialty in also short-term swing trading the spot currency market. It's so highly volatile, and I've managed to come up with a personal system that leaves me comfortable with checking it just once in the morning and another in the evening. It makes a lot of common sense as well, which can be hard to find sometimes in this world of investing! I'm practically going to guard it so closely with my heart, since I don't want evil hands getting a hold of it and maybe even my own kids someday. That's how serious I am about withholding it from people. It can technically become a very dangerous area from dealing with uncertainty, and I don't ever want to be blamed while being a part of some fools' mess where they just couldn't keep up with me. Some people are better at putting a blind eye to it and sticking to their plan faithfully and these are the ones I'm happy to learn from as well, but my flawed personality just limits me here, so I'm going to take it like a sponge for personal endeavors and direct others to these very capable experts if the need ever arises.

After I decided to take a break on my focus, I ended up taking a shower and brushing my teeth. I watched two or three episodes of a new series to keep my motivation up for the reward of working on something. I didn't quite finish but I was working at it with some keen focus, so I don't feel bad about it but I would just like to add in some growing taller stretches before I go shower now and get ready for bed. I'm noticing my posture is slouching a little from being on a computer for the most part of my day so they will help me keep a better one out of habit. It's pretty much it, but the last time I stuck to it religiously, it made me permanently grow 1/2 of an inch at the age of 25 so it may get really helpful again. I'm not dying so much underneath of personal grief from being a lot shorter than I would have liked. I guess it's funny to me.   

Where Height Matters

I think physical height comes into play for like modeling, acting, professional sports, and sometimes dating. Yet the most successful types are only limited to significantly less than 1% so you could say they have been born into like royalty. Other than that, height is just a number and if used well for putting on a show, then more power to you!

I accept myself with being short now and realize that I'm still quite a decent looking guy. I can rather focus on my inward confidence while working hard to gain wealth and working out to have a sexy body, while also being a nice person to be friends with and ask out single ladies who I'm attracted to while hoping it will lead to a happy marriage. 

Like a numbers game, it eventually is going to land as long as you continue to have your head properly in it. I don't really mind rejection from people anymore and won't hinder me from working any harder or less than I want to. Other than for the people who think height matters, for everyone else, it really doesn't. The most important thing is that it isn't with how everyone feels about your height if you aren't happy with it and should be rooted in maintaining a healthy mental state. 

Focusing on What to Do

I think it's really all about the mindset with willpower to go after doing happy things. It's just emotions and does take some brainpower to work through it with determination. I mean it does feel empty to constantly focus on watching shows to pass the time, when something better could be made out of it. I have found that playing Poker, trading currency, and investing in stocks is the way to go for me on the side. Currently, I'm working as a systems programmer which is fun, but I want to experience wealth with a lot of free time on my hands.

It's also about having the confidence, along with maintaining a decent personality that counts, so getting used to it while creating a routine is what it's about for me. So now I know what to focus mainly on the side and what I could do to routinely have some fun as well. I do want to keep on working out regularly along with participating in cooking.

Letting Issues Go Easy

It just came to my mind that the best way to let bad memories go is by desiring them to pass from having already accepted them. For example, it's not easy to just forget all of a sudden while it's still burning you up with rage. It's crazy how the Word of God really just helped me get through it. It's awesome even though a nice enough lady who cared quite a bit played a small part for me to receive it. 

It's crazy how it's hard to sometimes communicate through words, but over time, it does get so much better. I seem to be very confident these days with my speech and in writing but there's probably a plus side to me talking about it rather than messaging someone. It could be true for most people as well. I really like this whole being in one peace and not so restless about something anymore. I felt so locked up inside while still being a sinner sometimes. 

Those chains have been broken down and the Lord has manifested Himself to the core of my being. I am not ashamed of it. Who knows what wacky thing I could have come up with from having sat down and even wrote it down all the way? 

Becoming Consistent and Stable

Nowadays, the positivity that runs through my personal existence has been filled with overcoming joy and confidence. It does give me this weeping sense from feeling happy in a way. It's crazy but I'm glad to have made some decisions while sticking with it. Even if it was questionable or weird back then, I'm totally okay with laughing while reflecting about how poorly I executed something out of ignorance. It really just comes down to acceptance and putting a label on the hard stuff that are so hard to understand while being frustrating.

Finding comfort in the joy of the Lord from reading His Word was so amazing to behold. It's this incredible faith at any amount that we start out with and then from going with the flow, there's room for it to grow. When it just happens, it's amazing with how things get into the right perspectives on life. I know I'm engaging in fun things now besides just giving into it to feed some obsessive drive. Well, I'm still guilty of that too and it's a work in progress for me that I'm dealing with. Everyday is a new challenge to overcome practically the same thing and new ones as well. To not have a grip on this like my crazy dad sometimes, well I can't stay mad at him since I believe he's crazy and he brought me into this world with my mom. 

There's so much of this loving feeling of acceptance now from literally letting the anger flow away from me because it makes plain sense to my soul. I accepted the truth. Everybody else who ticks me off are totally crazy and could be anyone. I'm not going to go around bullying them for it but stay nice to build cool relationships with them. 

Committing to a Little Thing

I'm still having trouble with doing a few simple things I want to set myself out to do. I guess on the long run it really does come down to having a proper mindset with a positive attitude even when it feels like things are bearing down on you and getting so boring. It's a tough state of mind for one to wake himself out of, but needs to be done for living a beautiful life!

First off, there needs to be self-awareness of this state of mind that's happening and then secondly, it's just walking towards the right path. Sure, there are other competing factors that go on so it does make sense for some to hire a life coach if there's something bigger going on underneath. It seems like I have no problems with being a nice guy, but what's not to like about me is when I can become so persistent and annoying at a low level with someone. I drive them so crazy and I acknowledge that I can be their source of stupid insanity! I say stupid crazy because it's not really that bad to talk about but their feelings are going haywire from having other competing interests come forward and arranged differently from intricate layers that have been woven from experiencing several ups and downs in life. It's just normal to not really think about it, unless you're just naturally a sensitive person who cares about what you say and do around others with every minute detail. It's like the dominant crazy side comes out of them and starts ticking me off. I'm labeling it crazy nowadays because it helps me calm down and feel bad for them and that's really the only reason for all of this mess I've been through. It's that I couldn't accept it back then and that's what was so hard to accept. 

Yet, being redirected with putting my faith and trust in the Lord through some devotionals that were brought to my attention by a lovely person, it really did give me in a sense this godly form of relief and putting life into true perspective. I believe it was something supernatural that occurred from the Holy Spirit. It was an amazing connection that I went through and something so wonderful to have gone through. The Word of God is truly this powerful and it's not like I forced myself to give the Lord a chance. It just happened and this amazing Spirit of the Lord did its work. The truth really is people who tick you off are totally crazy or whatever negative thing you want to call them, as long as you can release all your anger and resentments on them momentarily and willingly able to work at getting along because it's morally the perfect thing to do. It might even be a form of being quick-tempered. A lot of times I'm just quiet with him or her because I'm constantly thinking when the right time to make my move is. Well with family, it seems like a waste of time to continue arguing over something senseless while thinking he's crazy but it's not like I'm still looking to squash him anymore! I'm already a pretty fearsome fellow when I show a decent portion of my anger because I have enough I.Q. to work with. I'm going to stay cool and not bully around people I think are crazy, which could practically be everyone else. I will instead be tactful for maintaining a cool relationship with them.  

This being said, it's back to learning to consistently add on brushing my teeth one more time a day just to practice dental recommendations and have my teeth feel so sparkly while licking them afterwards in time. It's like consistency is hard work and a positive buildup, so being lazy or forgetful won't contribute to this and cause an unwanted side effect of bad breath!  

Little Things to Fix

I believe it's just a matter of these small details of tasks that I keep on neglecting from getting really sleepy and blacking out for the whole night. I would like to exercise proper hygiene by brushing my teeth twice a day. I usually get in once a day no problem. If I forget in the morning, then I don't forget to brush in the evening usually and that's the time I usually neglect it. It seems like my subconscious is really comfortable with brushing only once a day and I do this for two minutes total from 30 seconds on each quadrant of my mouth. I have one of those built-in timers on my electric toothbrush and it's pretty nice while able to remove most of the plague and make my teeth feel a lot cleaner. 

I think applying my trade routine is going to be necessary as well during the evening. I have been playing on my Switch a lot too which is tons of fun, but I believe now that I should focus on my other personal tasks first before having so much fun. I think it's just personal discipline that I need to put a little more effort into while keeping a cheery mind about it. It's fun to keep on doing though once you get the hang of it. At the start, it always feels a little rough but with better concentration and ease of mind through practice and patience, if it's something that you are doing because it's enjoyable then it's like the best thing or after it's done, if you feel so relieved then that's what makes life so interesting to keep on living for long as you can. 

Just Going for It

I think it just comes down to having fun and doing a good job. I may be a real shorty but I guess if I can keep up a decent conversation with the ladies then maybe one of them will think I'm unique enough to just give a chance despite their reservations about me being shorter than them or just not quite up to standards genetically. Maybe I could just work out more and develop some more muscles and appear to more athletic while taking care of my skin better and just portray this contagious positivity. That's pretty much the way to go and it's a number's game, so taking rejection is going to be part of life and fortunately, I'm able to laugh about it without going crazy now.

I think I just need to get really comfortable and mainly since my parents are traditionally ethnocentric, it really concerns me still to this day with how I haven't really found myself totally attracted to a Korean girl and just ask her out. Well, I was to someone and I was just too shy to ask her out back then. Maybe, it happened a couple times and I just couldn't go for it because I was dealing with a weird inferiority complex. I think it's just from trying hard and while stirred from my emotions that I got somewhere for the longest time. 

I have yet to try again and find someone more to my liking. It really seems like I'm physically attracted more to certain type of ladies but when I come to think of it, it might not really matter in the end as long as I have grown somewhere to love her for who she is.  

Living a Good Life

I think worshiping God plays a big role for a happy life and it's not because I consider myself to be a Christian. I don't know if I can justify that statement at all, but it was worth a try. I believe personally a large part of having a great life is to be able to have really genuine and hearty laughs every once in a while. Being so cheery and easy to amuse like we were while growing up are like the best times, aren't they? 

Nowadays, there's stress going around with people being so selfish while the person at the top may or may not be having a really good time. There's really no guarantees and even the spouse can let you down sometimes. Even the lady friends I have might but I'm willing to put a blind eye on their flaws. It's amazing that I have more lady friends who keep closely in contact with me than guy friends now! I started super shy with approaching women too and would get so nervous about the topic of hitting on them. I still do and not going to lie but it's been on this manly streak lately where I can imagine myself being with someone who might be less physically attractive than someone else. Who am I kidding, it really doesn't matter to me after all? I just need to find that closure of falling in love and then it's lights out after pairing with the right person. 

I currently have two to seriously consider and another lady who is very aggressive but patient with contacting me. I just don't know how to reply to her because I feel a little uncomfortable. She goes let's hang out and then she tries to put the moves on me so quickly. Man, it's been past ten years now and she still hasn't forgotten me. 

I sort of understand now how some attractive girls I'm friends with on Facebook don't bother to message me back. It's probably common courtesy to not to because they don't want to cause a ruckus with me or something while being so sensitive. It's also that maybe I came on a little too strong or something weird just overtook their thoughts in motion and they just went "Okay" while replying back with nothing. This is how I see it, so it would be that I have to check if there's any attraction by speaking to them in person like initiating contact and having a fun conversation. Maybe they'll be interested back with me showing some interest, who knows or maybe they will reject me or just don't want to while seeing someone else and they like me at the same time. It's life and there's many good reasons to consider besides just feeling down and selfish for not getting something your way. I think it's mainly reserved for the ones who are crazy mentally or hide it underneath their skin.  

Today is Unofficial Day

Today, I celebrate something unofficially but yeah it's pretty significant I guess to my parents. Readers who are smart enough will know what I mean. Okay I was born this day, big deal right? I even have commenting privileges turned off so I don't need to hear any of that nonsense. 

Basically, it looks like I have those rare gems that happen once in awhile and will get someone to reply back to me. On this blog, I even have someone who replied to me too before I turned off commenting! On texting, I usually get a friend to reply back to me. It's just odd if you don't hear back from someone these days. I know one guy who will act like he is ignoring all your texts and still reply to you once in awhile. I am basically making fun of this guy for the most part and he doesn't have much of a social life so he probably feels stuck with me making fun of him and that's his main social contact via text. He claims in a few years everything will be getting better for him. I totally doubt it because he doesn't see it so clearly. His emotions are blinding him slowly into a long-term passive depression so he's crazy too!

Also, with preparing this post I'm really on something because I'm sixteen days ahead of schedule and that's how many I have written now. My average count is really looking to be maybe 1.5 posts a day now instead of just one. It's a decimal count since I like skip to a few days a week before I progress into writing again. 

Even if an emergency happens and I skip writing any more onto this blog, I am covered for at least two weeks now! What's pretty neat is that I don't know who is reading this and it doesn't matter. Maybe one of you think I'm crazy too but does it really matter to me? Not really. 

Finding New Hobby

Well, this may be a little shady but I'm not going to really share how to do this if anyone is interested on this blog. I don't want the responsibility of making a huge corporation with a lot of money angry for hooking others up. Another reason is basically I'm treating this to be like my ethically moral outlet while calling everyone who ticks me off crazy! I have no grudges against them because I feel bad for them already. It works for me superbly.

It's something to really think about right now with the ladies I'm associated with. I'm not treating my lady friends like they are my hobby but this is what I'm digressing to right now. My true hobby that I had in mind of doing instead is playing on my Nintendo Switch. There are over 3640 games now in a span of three years with many more announced titles headed their way. It's been very successful and so I want to commit some of my time to play the full version of all the decent titles out there.

There's no way I have the money to purchase all of it and then spend the time which would be insane and prevent me from trying to foster a love life which I value a whole lot more. If I can find a hot lady who really enjoys going all the way often and is so compatible with me, then yeah I struck reasonable gold. It's hard right now but I believe it's obtainable. It's like grinding on Animal Crossing and looking for that nice, big catch. I even had a dream recently that I was playing it and then a huge rare and exotic catch got away from me! I was pretty upset obviously and trying to backtrack what I did wrong and searching for it again.

I am able to come up with downloading some of these titles for free and I'm not going to detail how like I said. I risk getting banned from the Nintendo server if I'm ever caught and not going to discuss how I'm getting away with it right now. Anyhow, I plan to buy some of those well-reputable titles that I can't get and want to try playing with others online, if it isn't that possible to save myself time. Basically, I'm going to say that you need to buy two Nintendo Switch consoles for this awesome plan to work! It looks like if I keep on playing these games and have a decent knowledge of them then I'll just create a YouTube channel dedicated to the Switch. I think I'll even have a channel on Switch as well. It will be something fun to do I guess and I can see it working from my pretty persistent attitude. 

I don't care if I'm not successful but I'm just doing it for fun and will try my best to be entertaining. If I get dislikes, then I'll still be happy even if I'm reading bad comments. This would mean I have to come up with a nice intro that I could use for over the years and also an entertaining gimmick that I could be comfortable running with.  

Keeping It Going

Basically, I've been spending time from just playing online Poker, learning to trade currencies, and watching anime for my free time so far. I would like to work out and cook throughout the week though but I seem to just get too sleepy before I get to it. I guess I just want to add those two things then onto my repertoire that I already have going now. It's just a matter of focusing and committing for me and then it pretty much does the trick for me.

I think the negativity underneath me is something that I can take care of from just disciplining myself and keeping myself happy pretty much. I should just be praying to the Lord about it a lot and looking to have fun even though I'm pretty crazy in general. At the moment, it seems like if I talk about two nonsense topics which are crazy people in general and the girls I feel like I'm getting lucky with right now, then I'm going to see a cop driving around my vicinity at work during my lunch break. I go take a walk during that time after getting food in my stomach for a daily routine. I have been walking a lot faster these days so it's been pretty cool.