I'm starting to think now that I have a better grasp of what I want to do with my time. Reading some books have been pretty useful guides for me. I'm pretty much reading through ten books at once right now and find that I'm satisfied with just going through one chapter for each one daily. In a way, reading has become pretty fulfilling and something I don't mind trading in a couple years of my life for the knowledge or enjoyment I could accumulate from it.
I'm pretty stoked about not being locked up, after dealing with a personal hardship of holding a grudge against others over an issue that was way out there. I definitely had anger issues, but what brought me back to control is realizing that I'm lucky to be a person who loves being supportive more instead of a brat. It was my insecurity of not being able to get along with these crazy, unsupportive, and distasteful individuals that drove me to the brink of insanity. I have accepted how a few people or any small group can perceive my faults to be driving them crazy too, sometimes. I think it's just timing issues and not realizing what they are going through at the moment from being so blinded and selfish about achieving what you want that you can end up behaving ignobly.
For the time being, I have made a vow with the Lord until the day I obtain my biggest personal goals that I won't ever visit the odd church that ended up kicking me out over a social issue that never dealt with us personally and being overly angry while hanging on to presuppositions. I get it that they were thinking crazy and a friend I talked to about it just casually confirmed it without me being aware of it at the time! I have chosen not to stay mad about it but use the memory to grow stronger with inspiration from the Holy Spirit while continuing to suffer and work around my personal weaknesses.
I have a new vow to add on to my current vows that I haven't broken to this day because they are for the Lord and inspired by the Holy Spirit. My new vow to add on is that I will try my best to get along with them when the day comes after being fully settled in. This hopefully won't involve many needless debates with them, but I will give myself over to them for laboring purposes. If it doesn't work out in the end, then I also vow to not treat it like it's the end of the world for my own sanity!
