I'm suddenly starting to keep myself in a good state of mind and having better control over managing my personal feelings and uncomfortable situations at any given moment. It was different before, but now I'm understanding why some individuals behave the way they do. I was on the mean end of relationships as well, even though I was probably never that abusive as bad as it can get. I've always had a sensitive side of wondering if I'm doing too much and worrying over getting rejected by someone. It's just my natural makeup.
Therefore, I prefer to not be mean as possible, but in certain situations, I'm starting to notice that behaving in that manner is like just playing a game and could be entertaining. I'm starting to be capable of dissociating from stressful triggers and carrying myself the way I want to. I don't really regret getting carried away a lot of times I have in the past, as well.
There are still a few stupid things I have done that I totally regret for having ever attempted or thought about in the first place. I guess those moments are where I have to start laughing at myself and try to watch out for that oddity next time since I still remember it. They can sometimes creep up to me like a haunted memory, and I'm sure this is what normal people might have some trouble dealing with.
I seem to be good at bringing some unstable individuals who thought I was their friend into that uncomfortable spot. I think they aren't at the right place and sometimes, you just can't resume a relationship with them. I'm starting to take on this view to find acceptance for myself with how things have been.
I also see that there are things to feel confident over trying now. There's really no one that's going to stop me, and the way I have been able to argue with others and also boast about enviable accomplishments have dramatically improved as well over the years.
