Staying Dedicated

My week is pretty much centered on working and relaxing during the weekend. I'm going to have to be pretty serious if I want to get very good at trading and keep at it. The secret to being a millionaire trader is to continue diversifying the portfolio with more profitable investments. It's going to take one step at a time and there's really no get rich quick scheme going on. Ideally, the trick to being happy and rich is to be a position trader.

I can literally see myself getting on board with this now and practicing to make myself better. I made a promise to God to visit some idiots after I become a bloody millionaire and obtain my six pack abs! I'm going to tell them the truth and be like I don't care if they still don't want me to be around and can't let the past go, I'll let them go. I honestly want to hear them say that they can't handle me, so I can laugh in front of their faces and make my way to the exit and back to the parking lot. It's just the way it is; it can be true in that you might be just too hot to handle for someone! I totally accept it and am not crying about it like I regularly did and from used to being a moron.

Yeah, it's not hard to think like a winner and let the losers continue to walk out of your life! Oh man it feels good to finally see things for what they really are worth and not needing to message angry comments to those pathetic individuals. They are a bunch of lucky and ugly people to have some money and a family to raise. I wish I had a lot more money than they did all put together and also a beautiful family with a very attractive and loyal wife. I think that's living the life, but not everyone can obtain it. I'm getting too old to raise many, many grandchildren in the future. Maybe I could skip some years and adopt like five babies in the place of one so that I can raise them all at once and then they can call me dad while getting married and then have grandchildren to make me happy in the future! Hey, I could look forward to great grandchildren too now. There's no limit when you can openly accept things in your life, but I guess I could settle for a few kids of my own too someday. 

I'll have to wait and see but since I'm an old man, I could get away with marrying a younger lady too if I wanted to. I'll have to really think long and hard about that one but I might try to marry around the same age as me and then go for adopting while being committed to be by each other's side. 

Back to Discipline

I think it doesn't matter anymore with the length of time it's taking to get to where I want to be. I'm going to go with the flow. From having decent job hours, I could pretty much focus on trading right when I get back home and then go for working out and then finish off my day with studying the Bible or watching some training videos on how to trade. I think I'll just save hanging out with friends and cooking for special occasions. The more decisive I can be with sticking to my schedule, the better it will be for me in reaching my goal.

In addition to accepting this discipline and any negative predicament I'm in, I believe that it's fun. I'm going to have to let go of my insecurities like not having any fun wife to go out with and not having enough time to do everything I want to do. I might as well save my options to explore for fun during the weekends then. For my busy days, I'll limit it to a certain set of activities to do out of discipline and still try to enjoy it. It is after all something I truly desire to achieve and always get better at. 

Getting Distracted

I realized yesterday that after my mom told me how the South Koreans knocked out Germany from the World Cup, I spent my time reading up on comments I could Google. After doing this, I didn't get much then after and knocked out while being unable to do my daily tasks! I woke up feeling dizzy and sweaty while being just in my underwear.

I don't know if I caught a cold yet, but I do have a minor headache that's been going on all day. The vertigo might have come from being too exhausted and I'm still working today and trying to tough it out. I've been able to hang on at work so far, but when I get home, I'm just going to take a nice shower and ensure myself with having a good night's sleep. I'll just put myself to sleep while watching a video about financial trading, which still works for me.

Other than feeling bored, I do feel very privileged to have a job at my family's company and to work as a programmer. I want to make it on my own to prove to myself and anyone in the world that I can be successful with my own business plan. I'm still learning to manage and also make proper use of my time. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that I feel very healthy and able to go after putting myself in superior shape again.

Digging Myself Out of the Hole

Yesterday night, I don't remember much with what I did except that I drove home while sleepy and then after having dinner that my mom cooked, I knocked out. Living with my parents is starting to feel old only because my mom is very nosy with me sometimes. I stopped replying to some personal inquiries that my mom makes with me. I don't really feel comfortable with my mom because she's just going to go off trying to tell me what is right to her. I don't see eye to eye, and I find it too annoying so I'm just staying quiet about it.

Eventually, I will move out of this home and live on my own. It looks like my closest single friends are all in a similar situation, except for those who are married so I'm not really going to be able to room with anyone. For the time being, I will just continue working on myself until I get there. It's just how things turned out for me and I accept it. It seems like eventually becoming rich and stronger with a great body will alone attract a lot of single and pretty ladies, but I'm not sure if it would be right for me to pick one of them! I'll just go ahead and keep focusing on putting myself in that direction and worry about stuff happening as it comes up.

Getting Myself Prepared

Right now, I feel like I have a lot of time on my hands with the choices I have planned to go after. It's like a big burden has been lifted and that I'm going to have more wiggle room to finish my tasks. I guess it's while I'm still in this mindset that I shouldn't go into play mode and still be diligent. I am having fun by the way, so I guess I should leave it at that then and continue to make some more progress.

It could be just that my body is a little exhausted and wanting to rest, but I have it on overdrive right now so my energy level feels low. It could be just that feeling but I don't think it should even matter. Since I made plans, I might as well try to live up to each one of them then and see how it goes. I'm feeling really excited about getting out of work now and going onto my personal development mode.

I think I'll postpone all of my playful activities to the weekend and focus on the important stuff that connects very well with me. Last night, I did get only like two hours of good sleep because a friend kept me up while ailing about something bothering her. Hanging out with close friends is actually a priority for me and it's a very fun thing to do right after work. Today, I get to continue to do all of my other things I have in mind for doing. I haven't cooked in awhile, so maybe today could be the day that I actually prep something for tomorrow. I find that running through the list of small errands I have and completing them fast as I can really helps me stay on the go and keep it fresh with the same old routine that I'm doing.  

Finding Personal Peace With Conflicts

Honestly, I think I have been feeling this peacefulness with myself ever since I decided to stop caring about a few people who were jerks with me. The way that led me to this peaceful indifference about stuff that happened is how I'm laughing about it. I can be totally honest at the same while making fun of those past jerks in person with them and then laughing hard. I can invite them to laugh along with me! There's practically no worries for me in dealing with it now, so I personally don't care.

I'm glad that I'm free from feeling all of that crazy nonsense now and when I come to think about it, it is actually quite funny. It's sad for me though that I had to face it, but I'm okay with learning to let it go while even forgetting their faces.

Benefits of Understanding Priorities

From having sorted out the tasks with my busy life, I'm pretty excited about leaving my job to go back home and getting going with my side projects. It doesn't really feel overwhelming at all because it's just what I've been doing already plus letting my mind wander all over the place. I'm coming to an acceptance from being an adult that I'm different in my own way even though I'm lucky to have a cute friend who shares common interests with me while showing a few signs of interest with me and that we get to hang out often every week. It's not odd for me to accept now that she could end up becoming my girlfriend eventually.

The feeling is literally quite nice with not stressing that much about stuff and being on top of your own daily things to do. I don't even have TV or playing games listed anymore because I've found a bunch of other cool things to keep myself occupied. Well, I'm still going to get the craving every once in awhile to let my mind loose and zone out while having fun watching some shows, but I'm getting really used to keeping it consistent now.

Improving With Trading A Lot

For my personality type, I'm realizing that to get to the road of becoming a millionaire financial trader, it's going to require long-term trading skills. Some people enjoy the rush with quick day trading schemes, but for myself, I would rather sleep while the market is moving with volatility and profit from large moves that occurred in the market. It's pretty much not going to make much sense to people who have never traded before.

I'm just looking for reversal swings in the market and entering at that time. I will have to maintain my own trading journal someday, but for awhile, it's been about just practicing my method and trying to land on something useful that I could use.

Figured Out Personal Schedule

I have finally managed to brainstorm and simplify my personal priorities into three categories. Work days, simple errands, and weekends. Basically everything will be going on auto-pilot because I can keep in mind of my main desires on a daily basis except for my errands eventually. On my work days, I will have a set list of things to do and on the weekends, it is my free days so I'm pretty much at liberty to do whatever I want. The only thing for me then is to just keep a running list of my errands to do and check them off. It's really quite simple to sort out after having sat through this mess for awhile!

For my work days, it's limited to some things to do because I'm only going to have a few hours before I naturally put myself to bed from exhaustion. This is my list that I have been fairly consistent at keeping up with on a daily basis:

blog
trade related
nutrition cook
work out, grow taller stretches
bible
hang out with close friend / dinner or date, or necessary appointments
hair growth 

face wash

small errands

It all comes down to committing to them personally and trying to do everything on time. This is something I have been getting used to stressing out over and from being older, it's just not feeling so hard for me to be satisfied going after these tasks and focusing on them. 

Taking Proper Steps

I believe that a large portion of having fun and ending up happy will really come from investing in your personal life. Unfortunately, some people are pretty dumb like one of my buddies and he just keeps on thinking about how others are out to get him when he really isn't much of an appealing target to begin with. I guess he has psychological issues and it's mainly from him not having that much intelligence and trying to live on survival instinct so he's practically wasting energy on those thoughts when he could be placing the negative focus to build upon himself. He just can't do it and has a permanently, fixed mindset so there's really not much I can do about it, after all this time with trying to encourage him. I'm not going to be the man to change him, but I do make honest remarks with him that make me laugh and from my last comments I texted him, he's gone quiet with me!

I haven't had much close interaction with guys lately, but been with girls. I love being friends with girls! It's a proper step in my personal journey with eventually finding my ideal single girlfriend to date and marry. I just need to have the money by the time I'm actually able to land her when I'm an old man. To conclude upon the buddy, I think I just need to leave him alone for him to get so scared about his own mess that he realizes it was nothing after all, which would make him mad at himself for a second and then laugh about it silently which is what he does to himself regularly.

Planning and Executing

I believe that a large portion of being satisfied with living my days will really come from planning with all my heart and then carrying them out with all my efforts. It's all personal goals to go after and it makes me happy. It's sad that a few people became crazy with me from having anger issues because they couldn't let something that didn't even matter go. I was complaining to them about it and I'm glad I didn't follow through with getting lost in the matter about it. I would have been so emotionally carried away with it and it would have distracted me and hindered me from going after achieving my personal dreams. I'm now calm about the situation and aware of the tools I have available to dispose of their stupidity towards me! It's all about having fun and I really don't care at this point because they are imbeciles.

It's like having this charged feeling of confidence and being accepting of the past without requiring much struggles of any depressed feelings. It's quite the opposite and I feel free from the silly debacle that took me out of commission for awhile. I'm just glad that I have options now and it just doesn't matter what they decide to do in the end because I already know where I stand with them and how I will conduct myself no matter what. I'm stubborn in this area of acting morally proper while openly making honest remarks that will make them look bad now and laughing about it with others and maybe no one because I could be making fun of them too!

Honestly, I feel like what they did doesn't matter and they were just being stupid and trying to act almost cult-like with me. I wasn't joining their club and partaking in weird rituals with them, so yeah it's okay that I fell out with them and made them feel like I ripped their hearts out!  Because I didn't agree with them, they became angry and that's it.

Finding Proper Control and Balance

A few of my biggest obstacles include being pretty old at 35 and still day dreaming about stuff and laughing about things while idolizing my own self-worth which isn't much and feeling great about it! It's pretty silly to mention it but this is what I do with myself. I don't think people like hearing things about themselves that are silly from others in general and makes them mad. This is what I have a tendency of saying to people who make me mad. I'm already prepared for the worst because I've been practicing with being pretty open with myself.

At the beginning of my practice with self-awareness, I felt like crying about stuff because it felt things weren't going well for me. It's very painful and not fun but when that stage passed, I came to a better understanding of acceptance. From having this acceptance, I'm able to be honest about my perceptions with people and they end up appreciating me for telling them most of the time. I'm still friends with them to this day and even with a buddy who I embarrassed and have the potential to do a lot more of that to him.

Simplifying Tasks

Ideally I believe that blogging on here is actually part of personal growth even though I didn't realize it until this very second for sharing this thought. I think I just challenge people's comfort zones in general from being a short guy with an interesting array of thoughts that I love to express with those affected by me, negatively and positively.

One thing I'm doing is that I feel I'm delivering a bit late on schedule with everything that I'm attempting to do. Overall, I'm just connecting with myself here and this is what blogging for me is all about. What I set myself out to do with this post is to mention my tasks I have in mind with doing. However, listing it out doesn't seem that fun for me because I'm just not ready to accept it with passion and it might just leave me feeling a cold stare at them.

Work Days and Relaxing Days

I'm realizing that for my busy days I want to focus on personal growth until I'm actually there. I will worry about what to do after I get there because I already see the personal incentives for myself. I will have the confidence to live on my own with a very nice home and a lot of free time on my hands to go out and find a single girl who is my ideal type to date.

I'll just go for adopting kids then since I'm pretty old if the woman I decide to marry is too old for it by then. I think having one actual child and then adopting a few kids around the same age should be good enough to create a happy family. I don't mind raising other people's kids to be honest.

Balancing Out My Schedule

I sort of have this need to continue to work on myself. For the time being, I think I've met only one girl who I believe is my ideal type but she's married so it looks like I'm going to have wait around for another. I just really want to have fun with my time and to allow it to be an extremely rewarding experience. I'm practically a busy person just like a lot of normal working adults out there.

There's one area where I need to come to terms with and it's just not being so concerned anymore about the negativity a few people directed at me from being so crazy. I can't really say it's my fault now because it was all them not being able to accept something. I have time to resolve it on the weekend these days now for fun and to make myself happy again but I made a promise with God to make myself a millionaire and have a six pack! The six pack is a lot closer than the million dollars for me at this moment, but the path is laid out for me in how I want to go about it.

Overall, it really doesn't matter in the end and it's just something I'm doing because I'm finding it to be funny with discovering more negatives about the people who were out of it with me and to let them know about it while revealing it to others.

 

Back to Adjustments

It appears that I'm going to have to prioritize based on my needs. The toughest part for me is having to deal with some cravings of wanting to be married to a beautiful lady and enjoying the family while being well off financially. I guess I can call that a desire while I keep on aging! I feel very fortunate to now be able to see things better for what they really are and it just belongs to some intense laboring and having acceptance.

Because of my busy work schedule and my personal demands of how I want to live, I believe that I'm going to have to just run through the motion for now and labor pretty well with where I want to go in life. I'm not really going to be able to put that many hours during my busy days from expecting myself to be tired. Maybe when my schedule clears up, I'll have a better shot of managing more fun stuff to do.

Okay, so I now want to become a physically fit, financial trader who is in tune with the Bible! Yeah, it's hard but that's who I want to be for making a living. I guess the weekend which are my days that I'm off will be where I get to add on some breathing room. I'm also going to need to find a Christian fellowship eventually for myself to also grow in.    

Paying Attention To Details

Something I struggle with on a daily basis is that I forget one detail and then will go back to it right away. If I'm cleaning my room at my parent's big home then I'll be walking back and forth with moving things sometimes. While this is happening, I've learned to not stress myself out and to take it in stride. It's just been about willing myself to get tasks done and they just keep on piling up. They are pretty much all side projects that I have never been able to even get started with yet.

What I think is going to help me a lot is to just be aware of my surroundings and priorities. If I'm in the mood for entertainment, then sometimes that overtakes me before realizing that I should be getting back to my priority. I do wish to be successful though financially and to do it on my own while being able to enjoy a lot of free time. I want to be successful without having to work with anyone nor do anything illegal but just being smart and good at something. It's pretty much a skill that I will have to work for before enjoying this type of success and it just goes for anyone who wants to cross this similar path.

I had a run-in with the law a few times because of some idiots at a church who couldn't tolerate something about me that really doesn't matter. They didn't really know what it was that was bugging them about me, so they just focused on the negative energy and couldn't do much about it. They were just having trouble letting it go from being weird people and it wasn't very serious. Yeah, I guess it happens and I'm not surprised that church is actually small in numbers because not many Christian believers would probably in their right mind attend that church anyway, unless it was some calling or served some purpose of making them feel like they belonged there. I actually had the later feeling more than the first so it really hurt to get blamed for something that wasn't serious. They were terrified of me because they were going out of control and being imbeciles and of course with them suspecting me being mad at them, who really wouldn't be scared of getting killed after being really rude and crazy like that? The fact that I realize this and am able to communicate it clearly with those I'm close to now, it's been easier to make adjustments with their flaws and still have fun.

Getting Used To Hard Work

Something I learned about myself while traveling with only a girl for a whole week is that when I'm on vacation, I take a lot longer than I would while being on work days. It's like I can procrastinate by looking at stuff that will just entertain me, but not really help me out in getting things done. From realizing this thing, if I would only put in a little more effort, then it might actually be pretty fun in addition to being rewarding with seeing myself completing tasks.

I guess it's just negative energy then sometimes because I hate being all on my own. It can get a little lonely at times, but also boring because it can feel like I'm being aimless with a goal I have in mind. These are all only feelings by the way, but the end result is that it's been about coming to an acceptance with everything going on with me.

Being armed with new skills and also being pretty chill while diligent, it's pretty crazy in that I'm hanging out with ladies and they are treating me out too! They are cool friends by the way and my colleagues I've kept in touch with have been like way to go with me. I might as have fun with that because I'm still single and looking. I guess it doesn't hurt that four of the girls I regularly hang out with are single and they are also siblings with each other by pairs. It's just double the fun I guess and getting to know their personality.

They all have complemented me in my friendship with a very sweet girl I met on a meetup website. I believe that she is still taken and I don't really want any involvement there. I guess it works then to go to those meetups and enjoy company with people while doing something fun. I mean that's what it is all about really. It's really a pleasure to host meetups and even contribute to it for the better enjoyment of everybody.

Honestly, I'm so short though and have very crazy interests compared to everybody else. I'm not weird these days, so it looks like I've been better at having girls accept me rather than guys who might think I'm an oddball while being their potential competition. I'm not really playing to win against them so it's just weird how things play out sometimes. I guess it's the ones who are lucky enough to have stable relationships and trust their partners who are good to be around and those other guys who have selfish interests can just get up and walk out of my life.    

Wow, Staying Focused

During this week long excursion with an unrelated girl I'm close to and treat like family, I got to learn that I actually care for this special lady friend. She's been calling me a big brother or brother while introducing me as her friend to others and sometimes she adds that I'm like her big brother. She even added in a subtle hint that she has a soft spot for me. I don't really know what that means, but I'm cool with not asking so far. I definitely see a potential with her digging me romantically and I just think it's cool. I'm not really trying to initiate it because I still see some flaws with her that I might have to work out. She responds really well to me and we had a few arguments and she was like tired of talking to me and like didn't engage me further while labeling me as a normal person who sides with others instead of her.

Maybe because we agree with each other that we are family, we can see each other like adopted siblings but it doesn't mean that romantic potential would be limited. I mean no legal papers went into the process and we just bonded really well and she's been showing signs of being a hopeful partner to me.  Yeah, it's quite funny in a way to be really close to her and seeing those girly emotions come out of her with me. I just continue to be honest by all accounts and with all the time we spent together, it feels like we've gotten to know each other pretty well over the last year.

Been Long Gone

I went on a hiking trip with the girl who I think likes me. I now only think she may like me a little and shows a few signs of thinking I'm dreamy or something. I don't really know but it was just us two hanging out for a week while going on a trip to Canada. It just ended up with us two because it's really hard to get others who are at about our hiking level to enjoy the beautiful scenery with us. 

When my mom asked me if we ended up holding hands, I just started laughing right there. At this point of my old age at 35 and still being single, my mother no longer cares about who I marry as long as I like her. I'm honestly glad that I couldn't put the moves on some girls in the past because I might want to regret that today.

Speaking from a guy's perspective, it's nice to be single sometimes and only sometimes because I can find time to fulfill some more ambitions instead of having to dedicate myself more to spending time with a family. I mean it's not bad and I would love to have it once I've successfully fulfilled my financial dreams. 

It's only natural for people to want to start a family once they have had the best education they can get and enough money to support one. With me being old and still feeling quite young and trying to move around and build muscle while not being quite so mentally active as I used to be ten years ago, I think the only thing my mom worries about is how I'm getting too old to have kids. I'm just not that worried about having them and this bothers my mom. 

I honestly think if my mom really wanted to have grandkids then she shouldn't really have felt that I would do so and go for raising more kids. I'm also a lot shorter in height than the average even though my mom tries to say it's only a little and play it off. I accept my circumstances and it's no worries really. People in the world expect others to look a certain way and if that's something you weren't born with, then there's really nothing you can do about it. I mean it's important for attracting others but if it wasn't gifted to you, then that's really something you can't use and just have to deal with it. I'm totally okay with feeling sad about this girl who I think may like me not really showing those signs anymore and saying I'm just a brother. I just know that I care for her and want her to be happy and it's a great opportunity to me and I just feel blessed to have it. 

I mean she's not a perfect individual, and I have a pretty good idea with the type I would like to marry and she's probably around somewhere and getting picked up already by other lucky guys. I guess it's just fate then and I'll have to see where this close relationship I have with this girl ends up.