Feeling Pretty Okay

I think I'm starting to adjust to being at home so much. I mean I have time to go out get some fresh air by working out my body at least on something. I've been finding it really hard to let go of some urges that have not been very productive for me. I'm only realizing after the cycle of excitement and putting long hours into it the after effects of what I did. I guess I'm not fully proud of everything that I did. I guess I have not really been living out my full desires that I've been wanting to. I'm starting to get a break with myself in that I'm not this lonely shy person anymore underneath me. I feel like I don't have to be so brave anymore. I know that I'm really short and that when it comes to the dating scene, some are going to reject me because of it. I guess I don't really mind that much about it anymore. I just personally want to be taller for some other reason I guess. Maybe it's this inner drive to have longer reach and to actually be taller than someone I like.

Overall, I think it's really about the personality that counts. All the outside appearance is nice and cool but the heart is the most important. If you lack in everything else, as long as you have a repentant heart that seeks after Jesus I don't think you'll be suffering forever. I'm not so afraid of opening up anymore and being completely honest about myself to others anymore. I might as well repent from things that I'm ashamed of so that when people ask me about these things I could sort of feel okay downplaying some things that I don't really want to let out. I think giving it all to Jesus in faith will pretty much release me from all my worries.

I'm going to keep a private diary and write all my darkest secrets and desires. I'll then relate it to how Jesus wants me to repent and ask God for forgiveness. I truly need to live out a Christian walk this time around. I think working out and getting plenty of rest while working full time on a job that I think I'm really good at and investing on wealth to give to the needy and God's kingdom will pretty much make me a whole person. Maybe I'll retire early and raise a family full-time afterward. That would be nice.