Starting All Over Again

Honestly, it's going to be really hard to forget a lot of things that have happened with my life already. Some of these memories were and others well, very bad. I would like to forget about the bad things that happened, but I've forced myself to accept them as adversity and to learn from them even if it pains me day and night. It took me awhile to relive a lot of moments and then to take a new and more refreshed spin on life. I'm a pretty good psychologist with myself; I keep it honest and also I'm very subjectively honest as well too so maybe there's not much of a trouble maker underneath going on as others around are subject to doing. They get me laughing a lot more these days, and I'm feeling a little mellowed out.

I tend to not give in to people that I make up my mind with, so I can be very strong at also changing another person's desires with me. In a way, I can manipulate dumber people because I possess it but I just care not to really use it, so when they got all over me at one point complaining about something stupid, I just let it be and didn't try to do my best to get out of it. I was just worn out from doing the same thing again because I would have used my full anger as a weapon and get what I wanted but this anger was something I didn't want to live with anymore in my life.

I realize that the anger that was a part of me is actually my competitive emotions. I'm a highly competitive person to the point that I could joke around with people and get them to oblige with whatever I want from them. I never really needed to yell at people in the first place; it's because those people accepted me for who I was even while I had those moments of yelling. I am a very smart debater and can even use childish acts to get what I need- peace and quiet; especially when I yell in person with someone- they won't ever reply back after I'm through with them. I could then ask them all these questions without them ever saying a word back with them; it's pretty interesting way to dumbfound someone, while ignoring them and doing this with everyone in my way that others observing don't even want to get involved with me because of what I could do to them and if I really wanted to make fun of them then they are forced into laughing with me.Yeah, that's how mean and cruel I could be but at the same time, I have moments of being nice with the person which adds in so much confusion to the person. It's the ultimate way of messing around safely and eventually getting what I want. It's like I would be impatient and that's how the person would want to get his or her revenge by making me wait; that was like the only way of agreement with them that I had. I still used every resource and found the best tactics and said the craziest or funniest or nicest things that got the person not thinking about me ever, but still went along with me. I realize this stupid power that I have now, so I'm ready to be a leader for the right causes if I'm ever needed now.