Struggling To Find Happiness

The center of my heart is feeling this warmth of great optimism; what it lacks so much is wisdom! I mean to do well, but it's like when my ego gets in the way of things, I seem to disregard everything else and then get flustered with the turn of events. My life is controlled by a few minor obsessions that limit the use of my valuable time. I'm suddenly just really slow at living out those moments and seem to really lose myself in the moment. 

At the same time, even though I see so much negatives with myself, I don't feel so disheartened about it. Maybe, I do need a little professional help or counseling or something in that regard. I really want to live out my desires to the fullest and it's those nagging weaknesses that are a part of me which keep me from producing where I want to be headed. It's like I just want to always be a wild stallion that keeps on pursuing a chase, until it's time to go. 

I find it to be such a blessing at the same time that I haven't really been caught for my transgressions, and that it's one of those sins that others take part of too but will look the other way. Having been given this luxury, I am continuously making an effort to renounce anything evil in me and even though I might flirt with it, in a moment's whim, I wish to cast it out of me permanently. Just maybe, from having found greater depths of knowledge, I might not need to resort to anything foolish or evil. Just maybe, I might actually have a chance to live a peaceful and happy life in my place of existence with others.