I'm one of those people who has overcome the burden of feeling like one has to lie to get his way around. I feel like I don't really have to hide anything about my life, so much in respect to a few personal things that would probably be better not being discussed about.
I am a truly lucky son of a gun. I can write to people and affect them to the point that they'll respond negatively to me and not do anything physically bad to me. I received two jacked up restraining orders and that didn't keep me from entering a rigorous career field of choice. I made the people who put those restraining orders on me pay very dearly for it, while avoiding prison. I was able to do that because I have been just lucky in those areas of my life. I wish my luck would be a little more fortunate in the area of treating women right and settling down with someone beautiful.
No one is really going to believe me, but I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder while going through puberty. It makes me laugh a lot now thinking about those painful times, but my mom always cries and tells me to never bring it up. My mom told me that if someone doesn't want to hear about your mess, then why do you keep talking about it? I just replied by saying my mom is making me a little mad and that I'm going to work hard to be nice. After I said that, I just kept on talking. I had to repeat that sentence about five times, but it gave me so much creative control over what I wanted to talk about.
I don't currently have symptoms of bi-polar. Heck, if I was in jail for the jacked up restraining order a man (yes, you heard that right) put on me and pranks I did to very angry people then I would admit to anything about how crazy I am and ask for professional help and counseling. There's no such thing as rehab at this point for constantly harassing or stalking people for no reason at all.
There's something called sexual harassment, racial discrimination, and life threats which are horrible things to experience and protected by the law. Other than that, I see that it's really for the taking. You see guys chasing after the same woman whose been turning him down for years and won't let up. She's tired and preaches to other guys not to do that, but the guy is happy because he ended up with her.
I heard actual voices that were so vivid but they were shouting down a tunnel like an echo. Those voices would copy everything I thought. You know how sometimes you can take a random noise like a blow dryer makes and then turn it into whatever tune you want? I had sometimes like that, but they were like actual voices that shouted at me from within an environment. I couldn't even see the person; I only heard the voices, and it was very tormenting to me. I became so depressed, and it was the biggest fight of my life with battling suicidal thoughts. More so, this happened during my tender ages of being a teenager while getting those hormonal imbalances of liking girls and feeling very inferior to other people who looked better than me.
I don't hear voices anymore in my head like that. It occasionally freaks me out, when I feel like I've developed the same symptoms again. Those voices back then hurt me the most when they accused me of being a gay boy. That's why I am absolutely not gay, today; I don't even entertain the idea, but actually, I joke around by pretending to be gay; I don't feel right but yeah, I joke around about it all the time with some guys.
So yeah, that's a portion of my weird and crazy past that no one wants to hear about and will not want to have anything to do with me because of it. What do you know? I have a decent load of friends to cherish and enjoy some times with. I even have been blessed by God with a mom, dad, and sister. Am I right for someone out there? My overall personal appeal could be a little too quirky, but I've been able to find potential matches with some wonderful looking women in the past.
I really don't know if this past is so dirty and crazy that I shouldn't pass on my smart genes that helped me overcome these setbacks. Now that I think of it, then maybe I should go for the best woman out there by preparing myself as a whole person.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
