Currently, I'm working in the afternoon shift. My mom unfortunately had a freak accident that left her breaking the wrist. I'm pretty much trying to help out my mom without doing my usual day shift. Now that I think about it, I feel turned on by a friend who just texted me. I guess this is from trying to prevent myself from looking at porn. She's cool though and taken, but she doesn't act like she is. The guy she's living with is someone she calls her partner and maybe that has meaning that she's already consummated with him. They seem to act so cold around each other when I've seen them together. It only feels like I have an opening with her because of her warmth and friendly character with me, but what I'm expecting from a lover could be outside the normal comfort zone with most girls anyway.
Chris-sucks-a-lot introduced four babies already with his wife so he probably had some action. His wife seems to be cool, but I guess they are busy and have all these normal worries. Overall, I think he's whack so I don't envy him at all.
If I go whack with my Napoleon complex, then Chris-sucks-a-lot will be my friend. The world will be speechless or have thoughts they would be afraid to even talk about with me. If I stay sane, then I don't go crazy and have a piece of mind that can develop into a consistent champ. I prefer the later to be honest and who wouldn't?
Having gone whack with my other whack psychotic stupids I have worked or socialized with, I haven't finished my dirty deeds in the longest time with them. It looks like I'm learning to compartmentalize being a socially adept person from communicating with friendly hot girls like the one who texted me. I've probably just texted mainly girls instead of guys the whole week, even though it looks like my social media is totally inactive.
It's funny how I look like a player right now, but I'm not really. I lack confidence to ask any of them out and I guess I don't feel a proper opening to pursue after any of them right now. I'm still living with my mom who has a broken wrist right now and trying to take care of her now. I would like to have my own pad too, or it would be nice to have a mansion.
Overall, I think I'm too busy with obtaining my goals right now that I'm really side-tracked from feeling confident about landing myself a girlfriend. To end this long-winded post, I think I need to start the day by waking up really early or get everything I set myself out to do done by the end of the day.
I'm pretty much looking for an appropriate opening now to express my inferiority complex with the people I'm angry with now and then go after being their friends again. It's totally inappropriate but I don't care because they aren't family to me and I don't care how selfish it is or how illegal it's going to get. I'm just going to express everything and release the tension because in the end, I just want to be a friend and will tell them to get some professional help to move on and become my friend!
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
