Last Post Of The Year

I have like fifteen minutes left before making my last post of the year. It's been wild and a lot of fun to recount all of my crazy experiences. It feels really healthy and even though I still show signs of slowing down sometimes from any negativity going around, I choose to ignore it. The better I can ignore it and switch it over to a more positive plate, the better my likelihood of succeeding. English teachers love sentences like the last one! It was just a random statement I wanted to digress over to because I made the connection.

It's pretty much going all out with this post, and that's probably why it feels so fun to read for myself. I never really had a chance to meet some of my readers and maybe it's even Crazy Lee who is still reading it from just being herself, crazy! Oh boy, man that was really funny and I used to say quite a lot of those about my sister to her friends. Her friends would laugh and my sister would be so dumbfounded, not mad though. I think Crazy Lee has more reasons to be dumbfounded in a crazy manner rather than being angry too.

Usually friends would make these kind of comments about each other, so the level of breach I'm making is rather rude. Playing from this angle, it's still funny so that's my excuse! People have been weird in that they can't fathom how it only takes me like fifteen minutes to write something like this out of the day. We have so many more things to do and they think I'm being weird and psychotic. What about the other times I don't message them which is like 99.99% of the time? It's just one time that they have to feel so angry about which is the key word to turn crazy with me about. Yeah, they have no angle to outplay me now. I was pawned so many times in this mental game of playing Russian Roulette with Crazy Lee and choosing to play the nice guy who is doing it to the best of his ability. Life isn't always fair, so it's better to move on!

It's not a totally serious affair but definitely embarrassing material and I can't believe I had to deal with it. If I can patch this area up, then yeah I'll be 1000% times more hotter for a lady! I'm going to keep working at keeping it together and being the man! This is my New Year's Resolution. I feel like the only and most normal, female friend I could hang out with the most this year wants to admit that she low-key likes me.

I'll see you all readers, including Crazy Lee and her former gang at that church if they are really popping onto this blog next year during around mid January. I don't really care what happened, but it's so fun for me to write about it and find reasons to laugh and grow as a person from those crazy bad experiences I had. Thanks and have a wonderful winter and blessings to your family or your health and life.

Positive Thoughts

It's been great to have a year where I can just work on being brave and honest guy while willing to work through all the hard stuff that life has to give me opposition over. I don't really need to continue making fun of Crazy Lee even though I will still call her that on this blog. Actually if I meet Crazy Lee again, I'm just calling to call her Lee and start laughing my butt off, sorry. It was such a crazy ordeal that happened and it's actually funny even though there are parts to it that can justify a person to turn so crazy and angry. This is probably why Crazy Lee's minions were afraid of me- they are just her gang of misfit kids.

The more I'm able to talk and stay honest, the more I'm being truthful to myself and able to reason with people while having enough wiggle room to laugh about it later if something went wrong. I think this is a very hot thing to have and it's also very flexible so it's not like I need to be in a significant relationship for those ladies who like me to enjoy it. Those ladies can find their hot guys to marry if they are lucky and pass on me while hoping that I find someone better than them.

Recovering Can Be So Hot

Besides the literal depiction of picturing a person recovering from a serious injury in a very hot town like Death Valley, it can actually be true by the way! I have made a few ladies laugh and they come from like nowhere who probably feel the same way about me. It's like from being this way often that I don't get recognition for it because obviously, if a person truly knows me, I'm being myself and not really trying that hard. I'm lucky in a sense that I've learned how to have a lot of fun while doing smart activities and to persevere through times of suffering even though I didn't have to.

It's like after learning through of these crazy stuff that happened to me, they aren't really that bad to recover from and what's going to make me so hot as a person is whatever I want to believe and making that happen. The energy from it is going to be so fly with some people and from out of that, I can attract attention from a really hot lady. From a hot guy meeting a hot lady, it makes sense for them to start dating and from there have even more fun in marriage, if you know what I mean eh?

Ending The Year

I don't expect to blogging for awhile so I'm going to just finish off the year. Over these years, it was a pain thinking about how I was so mad at Crazy Lee and her gang of misfit kids at that messed up church down in the dump side of Los Angeles. I'm starting to laugh it off and occasionally, I'm treating their names like they are swear words sometimes by adding the word, "Freaking" before saying their names!

They are so common names and I have to control cringing at cute ladies who have their names. It was really weird to get a restraining order from a sensitive, Chinese American guy named Washington. I wonder why he grew up so sensitive because of maybe his name? I can tell that he will just cringe if he reads this and try to be like whatever with me if I talk about it with him later. Nothing stops the fact that he was a real idiot who came out of that state which was like totally a different country. I don't know what customs he learned but friends don't place restraining orders on friends no matter how angry you are at them! I guess that doesn't make him a true friend and I'm glad I blocked a potential relationship he wanted just so he can get some.

Yeah, I can tell he'll be laughing now too but only if I started laughing first. Yes, I'm laughing first! I can deal with crazies out there. I was born to deal with it because I was crazy too even though I forced myself to fix it.

Behaving Normally While Getting It

When it comes to enjoying life, the parents like my annoying mom can get in the way. It's not like they are advising you over serious matters. It's also those little things and how she wants it to be done her way because that's just the way she was raised. It's so annoying. I don't want to be a mamma's boy sometimes.

I told this to my mom and my mom just ends up trying to act all sweet and nice after with me. Boy, those mood swings from a mom who is not understanding things in perspective and going off with her own vision and imposing that on people she can do it to, man I need to get rich and move out. I would like to be the one to support my mom with finances and give some company and just laugh it off underneath while playing nice with listening to my mom's annoying views!

Finishing Off The Year

I was so busy planning after things and doing a lot of stuff, but I know that I would like to have it all together and the confidence to keep at it and make it happen. I think what would be so sexy about it is if I do reach that level of success from the commitment and hard work I put into it.

I'm starting to figure that even with ladies talking about superficial things, they can be swayed somehow from being a nice persuasive person and make them feel good about something that is just right and filled with a lot of trust. If she's in a committed relationship, then it's pretty much a no go in pursuing after her even though she might be open to it in case she feels her significant relationship is on the rocks. I just don't really have much tenacity for doing that and even though I could set up multiple opportunities, I feel like I would be second string and so I would rather go for a fresh face. There's one lady I know who is fresh and pretty enough to make us look good if we dated but she's pretty peculiar with her interests right now. I love that she's just flat out funny in like a disgusting and unappealing blunt manner. She's so much acting like a guy and just in the mood for laughing about it while cussing about the bad parts going on in her life.

I do have a few choices but there are still some obstacles to work through like my dad is saying. He's saying that if I simply marry a really hot lady no matter how loving she is and she's not Korean then I can kiss my social life goodbye. I don't think that's really true in American culture- they might be tuned in to the hot lady if I can marry her. They'll probably be like that guy and scorn me for being so lucky like how the selfish and honest Americans truly are! I might as well work on trying to make myself that hot guy even though I'm so short to be one in minds of superficial ladies.

Bittersweet

A girl who I believe I'm well-matched for ended up getting engaged during the Christmas holidays. The guy who proposed is a smart dude for making it happen! She's quite the catch, and I think she really is making herself lovely and available while wanting to be devoted to him. She never really did this for me! Oh well, I guess it's life and I just didn't really feel much of a connection with her. I felt like since she was in some rocky relationships, it would be hard for me since I haven't been in any significant relationship. I can't really tell sometimes whether couples are friends or seriously married or dating because I act the same way with other ladies I'm friends with, except not go around smooching each other. Otherwise yeah, it's seriously like 9.5 times out of 10 that yes, they have something significant going on with their relationship.

I think I would have never gone around to asking her to be in a dating relationship with me ever. It just doesn't feel right for me even though I believe she would be the correct person for me to marry. It's all logical and feels good but something just doesn't add up to how things were. I think I made myself unattractive because I still have things to focus on with myself. I'm just not ready and I should be the man and have it all together which is what ladies look for in guys. This is where I'm going to need to work hard for and to continuously seek after with my experiences. Honestly, going on that Euro trip during the winter with some friends, including a girl who is single and attractive and slightly crazy is going to be a great experience for me. I'm just not feeling the moment is correct with that one to ask her to go steady. It would be perfect and totally private and customized for me though with how the stage is set but I'm not looking for that with her right now. Later on? I just don't know but I would like to see how I feel about it. I'll have to just be honest with her because being truthful works really well for me. I think she'll still be cool with me even if I tell her that I like her later on but I would rather just laugh about it. It does feel that it would be a lot of fun and very seductive to do some couple things with her though. She stands just a little shorter than me so I'm walking around feeling short and having to pretend that I'm not crying inside around people while acting happy. Fake it until you make it!

What Bothers My Parents

My parents are really worried about my life being such a hassle to live if I end up marrying the wrong person. In the beginning and for a while, I had this marriage inferiority complex. I felt I was too short to ever find someone to marry. I did meet a few ladies who seemed interested in me. One really cute Vietnamese lady who gets sick a lot said she wanted a relationship with me. I just let it go one ear out to the other and dissed her accidentally. She's married now and I regret it and she knows that too because I tried to pursue after her temporarily while panicking about the thought I screwed up over, but I gave up.

I had several opportunities and I just let them pass by and it was like there for the taking with me. I had this dumb inferiority complexes and several of them to deal with while going through college. Man, it sucked otherwise I could have had a nice Korean and super short pretty lady for a wife I met at this church my friend went to. It was fun but I didn't know what I was getting myself involved in. I was very dead inside and not aware of my surroundings. I was like Naruto, an anime character, who is very dense to the idea of female characters liking him. I was worse because I didn't pick up on the signs back then like I'm remembering now and wanting to kick myself over the lost opportunities!

It not only didn't happen back then. It happened all throughout my life! I kept on missing them and now it's like I probably have another but it might be of inferior quality compared to back then. Oh well, when you mess up there's still chances but it probably won't be that great anymore. Anyways, I believe that the longer you wait and work on yourself, the better the chances of things just matching up. I was just an impossible person to be in a significant and romantic relationship with back then. I know another friend who is still like this and like begets like- man, he's crazy and I know I'm not that crazy anymore.

Places To See

I'm planning to check out Europe with this crew and they are all related to each other except for my friend's brother's girlfriend and me. It's nice that a couple is going with us and with us just being single all the time, it's making my traditional parents very uncomfortable. I told them the truth in that I don't think she's the right person for me right now to want to marry. Well, she's a little ways off to it but I feel like she has potential to turn it around later. Who knows, maybe when she's more desirable, I'll be able to call dibs temporarily! Other than that, I might as well go meet other ladies out in this side of Europe which also makes my parents worrisome again.

Oh Boy

Okay, so I'm planning to go to Europe with a few friends. One of them is a girl and she isn't dating anyone and is physically attractive enough to be liked by guys. It seems like stress has taken a toll on her, so when she's not cleaned up then yes, she can look less appealing. Anyways, being around her a lot and even sort of living with her because I spend nights sleeping in a different bedroom at her house, I know most of the plus and down sides to her. Averaging it all out, it doesn't seem like the perfect opportunity for her to date anyone yet. I really don't know how much she likes me either, but it's enough to get her to give me some positive attention!

Very Lucky

I realize I am a very lucky individual in the case of not letting my problems with people come back to haunt me. I exercised some self-control and I'm lucky to be born with enough of it! I still haven't found the one for me yet but I think I would love for her to be a nice, attractive girl who is committed to me and a sex addict! I guess this is what I'm looking for in all honesty and I sort of want to feel bad because I don't know of any Christian ladies out there who would be like this. I'm sure she's out there and repressing it from thinking religious commitment or maybe just because it's better to have a relationship with God. In the end, I think I won't want to commit to her needs either 24/7 even though I would still love to try! I'm going to try to find someone close to it to the best of my ability until I can settle and be happy about falling in love.

I guess I'm looking for a lady who has a lot of free time on her hands and is well off and stable and doesn't really get bothered by anything. The fact that she could have a job she's happy about is cool. I would like to spend time with her and doing things we enjoy. I also would like her to be very health conscientious and into working out while being very consistent about it which is so highly attractive. I still need some assistance on cooking and wouldn't mind teaming up with a beautiful lady who likes to do this and spend some quality and intimate romantic times together. It would be so awesome!

I honestly felt once I met like the perfect girl online who e-mailed me, but then she ended up asking for money, so I said no and never heard from her again! I guess she wasn't that economically well off then and also not really that self-reliant with solving her own issues and trying to reach out to me for help. I don't mind too much, but I should be aware that she really wasn't that perfect person in the end and I was just dreaming and letting that get to me. If she really was the real person, then she made a really bad mistake that I don't have anything to do with. I have to go into the real world and be brave and put myself out there with opportunities to keep on meeting cute ladies and hoping to find a true and everlasting romantic connection with someone and would be just meant for us to share.

Looking At Problems and Solving Them

My main problems right now include feeling so short and wanting to cry about not being able to date beautiful women who may be shallow! Thinking about it now, I guess crying about not being able to date a woman who doesn't like short guys is probably stupid. Girls in general can be nice still if you encourage them to be that way, but like all other people, if they are going through a mess and their minds are just so pressured to the point of becoming crazy, it really is scary in some way.

From my last post, I pointed out that I'm lucky that I don't mind talking about my embarrassing problems because I don't get mad about it and see reasons how to fix them. I used to be very impatient and fast seeking of satisfaction so it didn't work out for me to stay this way. I had to go after hard work and grinding away while building personal character and persevering through some tough moments where I just want to quit and keep on cursing about how the situation isn't comfortable.

 My real problem is that I saw unfairness because I don't think some people were being nice about something that they can't really talk about. In all aspect, it really doesn't bother me anymore how crazy or mad they are getting and I don't even mind if they want to go far as getting a restraining order on me so they don't have to talk about it. I mean even in court, they will still be forced to talk about it anyway so they will still find themselves in a lose/lose situation and it's a win/win situation for me because I'm being forced to stay away from someone whose gone crazy and wanting to be a bozo with me!

In the end, even with cops coming around to try to intimidate me, I had trouble resolving all of these anger issues and putting it together because I just couldn't open up from being afraid of just letting it out and expressing myself from not wanting to offend people. It's not going to work, so I'm going to still offend from being honest sometimes for whatever angry or selfish reasons others have against me. It's because the other people are choosing to let themselves be selfish and crazy. I'm incredibly lucky that nothing bad happened to me with these people being tempted to think psychotic against me. They were afraid because they were mad and had really no reason to and just wanted to blame me for their bad behaviors that they really have no justification over. I really see it these days from me just talking about it and working at a solution no matter how dead end of a situation it is. I'm actually happy!

Letting Mind Wander Around Less

With my mind being so scattered-brained occasionally and wanting to do a few things, I guess it's a normal thing to just want to shut down. The thought process is such a difficult area to develop and going on a tough routine like trail running long distances daily and also trying to stay awake late but only to rise early. It can seriously take a toll emotionally and be pretty burdensome. There really is a lot of discipline involved to be perfect as one can be.

I guess being seriously focused and staying that way is required and to develop enough of a routine while caring about life. This is the normal stuff that I believe everybody has to deal with. Just because I haven't found my lady yet or she's still a friend that I haven't made the connection with, I get to explore more and look for better ways to have fun with going out and meeting more people. It's a tough process because I probably can't see a good lady until I've seen how she interacts with her significant other. It would be nice to just ask out a single lady I happen to meet somewhere and like while feeling a great connection. I really need to be brave about the idea of being so depressed from being rejected. It is what it is and there's probably unspoken reasons to it sometimes and no matter how much it can bug, one would have to keep on working on himself and move on while trying hard to find something better the next time.

Mental stability is seriously a necessity and I've been around a lot of angry people who went crazy with me and I just didn't know how to go about it, while wanting to do something to be happy. It was a very hard problem and really took me to the edge of planning pranks on them! I guess the difficulty for me is that I want to stay nice and find the right balance, so I have decided to just go with the flow and be honest to them. I can handle them enough to still be friends with them and explain things truthfully- I'm the lucky one in that it doesn't get me mad from explaining how I literally see problems because I have the confidence to solve them eventually and don't mind the length of time it takes.

Being Totally Honest

Actually, I can get away with a lot of things all I want to but I want to be the best at the things that matter the most to me. I want to focus on being a nice dude! People have asked me this annoying question of whether I have a girlfriend or not. The answer is no, I don't have one and then they just ask why which has been really annoying. My personal opinion is that I think the girl I want to be with is taken or maybe she might not exist because I haven't really found her yet. I did find an ideal type lady but she's already taken and I'm happy for her to be honest! She's only one of like thirty girls I know.

I think I haven't been able to find girls I can comfortably meet casually and haven't found that much favor with people. I am basically short and such a clumsy person and I don't think I can get away with that like a cute girl can. I guess I'm not really able to hold myself that well because of my looks and being so nervous. I'm not really known for anything except for being funny and occasionally a great guy. I don't seem to have enough chemistry with the small pool of ladies I'm close with right now. These girls are probably quirky in their own way even they can be attractive in their own ways. It's just been added on to all these years and then things just keep on getting annoying for me, so there's really no where for me to go. I was just born like this and with circumstances.

Actually, the girls I think would be great in a relationship with me do acknowledge me but they are all taken. There's one girl who is borderline crazy and she's single and we get along- still, I just don't know the aspect of her being able to be physically loving with me, even though I think she can be an attractive girl. We're like family though. I don't like the idea of trying to steal someone's significant other and that's not me so I have to find a fresh face who I feel this connection strong enough that we will end up together. I also need to work hard to take care of my own personal mess. One thing for certain is that I believe I can be successful as long as I'm very diligent about it now.  

Basically, the plan of action for me now is to just be totally honest while going around out-gunning people from my past with my wit. I have this ability to recollect and make a come back that can throw my unsuspecting and unwilling peers off-balance. Next thing is just to be brave and man up and take in all of those depressing moments I'm anticipating which I'm so afraid of and just ask the girls I feel a connection with out after knowing they aren't seeing anyone. I think I will just try to be quick friends casually and build rapport with them first so I can figure out all their issues and anything wrong with me based on their responses. It's hard work to move on anyways, and I can still have fun with the same girls even if they know I like them and vice versa. For the most part though, I need a lady who isn't that stuck up and won't let any physical qualities that she thinks are negative and I have no control over to get in the way of a physically, loving relationship!

Basically, even if the single and not currently dating lady I'm attracted to ends up offending me from not liking my appearance which is my go to accusation that I keep quiet about and she might not even reveal, I think it's something natural and just not meant to be. I shouldn't be holding a grudge or stay depressed about it and just accept it, while moving on to try to find someone else better and available for me. I don't mind putting in the effort to still stay friends with her even if she goes crazy and tries to file a restraining order on me! I will just know then that I did all I could and I'm going to avoid that crazy girl like I did with Crazy Lee! I actually never really liked Crazy Lee enough to be honest- I tried, but I didn't feel much with her. She put a restraining order while belting out her anger issues in court and with me banging my head on the courtroom table with my lawyer trying to defend me. I was afraid it was going to kill my image. It really set me back psychologically, but I'm rising back up and this is what probably bugs people who were against me. It shouldn't really concern me because I can put in the effort to be friends with them too no matter how much it annoys them! At the same time, I can be hard working to look for areas to develop myself. I do have a job that pays enough to sustain dates and other expenses.

Love Life Update

It's funny I think with how a short guy like me even should consider himself to have a chance with the ladies. I'm sure there are a few out there, and I don't seem to be that interested in them. Well, I just need to find a hot girl who really isn't that shallow and just doesn't mind dating short guys. I also need to find a girl who I can feel comfortable about spending the rest of my life with and to also have no problems with staying in love with. It's pretty complicated stuff because of my psychological issues, and people just don't get it because I'm pretty closed off to thinking about it for the most part.

With the girls I spent time with over the weekend, I was really considering on a girl who I'm not related to but see like my family. She introduces me as a family friend and it's an improvement over having thought of me as an older brother. I'm a family member to her as a family friend! I feel like I'm picking up on good things from spending time with her. I really have my doubts in getting a relationship with her, even though we get along. I just don't feel that romantic connection with her right now and I'm open to it later on in life. I don't think she's the ideal person for me though, but because of my personality, I love trying to get along with difficult and annoying people still! Yeah, I'm really weird in this area and I even struggled while crying about being so mean to them in the past.

I'm a really shy person considering how I'm not very willing to spot a random, hot girl and just try talking to her for no reason. She might even be freaked out by me, if I did something like that so I don't want to come across as a short and unattractive sex fiend! I guess I just have to keep on working hard to go after cool and fun goals and to persevere through those moments I'm feeling depressed.

Keep On Moving

I'm just writing this post because I know I'm going to skip the weekend, so I have to confess this is a filler. Actually, a lot of my popular posts are fillers. It's just that I chose to conceal it and when I do this, it causes a large reaction from people that I don't like sometimes. I think there's one post on there that I don't really want anyone to look at anymore, but I'm not going to reveal it. It might even cause an increase of views on my Top 10. I don't really know,  and I don't really care anymore.

I'm basically trying to live up to my name of being Number One searching in the computer science industry profiles on this blog by Google! I majored in computer science and only ended up with a Bachelor's. I lack discipline and now I don't really need to get a Master's because I'm already working as a programmer and loving it. I'm trying not to be so self-absorbed anymore because I don't really want to miss out on listening to God's Word.

It seems like when I do focus and put in the intention and hard work to keep on grinding away, then good things happen. I think I should keep on doing those things then and working at making myself rich so that I can have so much time to date beautiful ladies that only guys can dream of even if she's just going to be someone I'm great friends with right now!

Actually now I do think of it, I am actually the legitimate Number One on this blog. It's just that there's this other weird profile I don't think is proper to look at. It might be entertaining for some weird minds out there, but to look at it and post stuff to share, it does attract a lot of attention for sure from people. It's a lot more than mine, but I think I'm the legitimate one in terms of being Computer Science related.

Letting Go Of Wasteful Energy

I wish everything good I write on here would stick with me, but I'm not quite naturally adept at doing that because my habit changes all the time from wanting to expose myself to different flavors of fun. I have learned that to have a healthy love interest in my female friends and cute girls I meet who are not married yet, I should seriously avoid watching anything pornographic altogether. I actually love the feeling of yearning for a love interest and to have this fulfillment so it's fun to go after healthy things to do the best one can to put himself in that position of getting married!

It's not that bad things happen to me if I do get exposed to sexiness and viewing nudity in films or real life, I just end up wasting energy on myself! I need to let go of wasting energy.

Just a little awhile ago, I was thinking that it's unwise to keep on thinking about negative thoughts that don't really have any justification. It's better to exercise self-control and let those go. Also, if there are facts like knowing someone like Crazy Lee is actually a negative contributor and bugging the brain cells, it's better to work on something else because it's wasting time and not having one go anymore. I would rather make Crazy Lee jealous of me, instead of continuing to gawk about how crazy she really is.

Going From Weird To Extraordinary

It wasn't fun at all to be selfish and holding it in while feeling depressed and having a hard time to get somewhere in life. This in turn made me become a really weird person, but not the kind who goes killing people. I grew up with this personality of wanting to be friends with everyone at school. I just couldn't understand the issues that bullies had with other kids back then and it really hurt my feelings when a kid who was a close friend to me ended up bullying me. The kid later left the school and transferred over to another middle school, but I don't know what caused him to become that way. I just know that he became really angry with me and couldn't control it but it wasn't the type of anger that would justify doing any type of physical harm to me or to get me in trouble. He just ended up having a beef with me- in my mind, I thought he was number two because there was a best friend who left me, so I was going to move on to this guy being my new best friend.

He was a jealous kid about me being smart and his mom loving me while she hated him, now that I remember and very flamboyant while being selfish and just really angry about me running away from stuff he was mad about and couldn't resolve with me. I understand now because I'm a fully grown adult! I just couldn't put it all together and I relied so much on my parents for direction and it didn't do much. The church I was going to wasn't feeding me spiritually either and left me feeling so lonely and an outsider with this world.

It took awhile for me and it also hurt me to consider myself a short person. My mom says I'm not short and doesn't ever talk about it and says, "So what" to me all the time. It doesn't help me and my mom can't do anymore for me there. My parents can be so weird sometimes and it's a pain to deal with, but I grew up with a decent head and a heart that wants to be friendly. I have anger problems in the form of wanting to be defensive so it includes practicing martial arts for me. From the way I conducted myself, because I'm not doing anything necessarily bad but having had bothered some people while being mad at them, they have claimed that I'm a really scary person to people. I can say they were proven wrong and thinking crazy from having been so mad and having a hard time about it!

First of all, I have to find a way to get rich and marry an attractive and physically loving lady while having fun living my life at the same time. This pretty much means continuing to work on the things I want to do.

Outsmarting People

Outsmarting people for selfish reasons is what it is- it's selfish! There's no more explanations that need to be added. I'm a selfish person too, so I know that it requires taking some calculated risks to beat a person at anything. It's really silly now that I think of it with all the issues I had with others. They were being abrasive and not responding properly while being so mad and not wanting to be bothered by it. In the end, the situation that I'm talking about isn't even serious and they are acting that way so I can only say that they have their anger problems too. I'm just a little better at recognizing it for myself, but my struggles have been about trying to be friends with these people who are acting bad about it. 

The one thing they desire is not talking about it, so with me bringing up how the situation isn't even serious and that I'll be laughing about it as a positive thing, I believe it sort of makes them want to dodge it and just put a natural effort to not talk about it. There was a person whose intent was to just make fun of me about something and continuously trying to be annoying about it, but since I don't really care anymore and avoid talking to him and have not really been affected by him and living my own life, that person is rather quite jealous of me. 

It comes down to personal intentions and taking risks and also exercising self-control and making moves to prevent something bad happening to you. It's also that these people have made threats, but can't get around to doing them so I have to mention that their threats will end up with consequences that don't matter to me and they will still have what they don't like come upon them anyway, so the argument goes why fight it if it's being done anyway and legal? I think it just comes down to choosing to communicate the way you want to, and my choice is to be straight out honest. It works the best and I have had a few ladies who are already taken acting upon being my friend again, after walking out for a little time. It's probably because I didn't provoke them and gave them their space to see what I truly represent, but with these people who struggle with anger issues against me over nothing important, it's tough but I'm willing to go to battle with them now for my sake of trying to win them over later as friends.    

The Art Of Discipline In One Sentence

It's all about controlling personal impulsiveness and sticking with it! It's just one sentence and naturally I just want to make fun of crazy people like Crazy Lee and her former gang of crazy kids at that messed up church. They definitely exhibited a lot of impulsiveness from being so angry and this in turn caused them to become psychotic. The next day, they are like over it or they are talking to people all happy instantaneously while blotting it out. The fact that I kept on bringing it up caused them to become impulsive about it and develop anger issues with it. It wasn't anything serious and I wasn't understanding them and I wanted to so I could get a move on with how much they were not understanding that they were being a huge pain to me!

I said it all wrong and lacked discipline with Crazy Lee and her stupid gang which I believe would refer to itself in one word as unrelated-ness. There I said it! I was impulsive like them too because they were ticking me off so much from being so stupid about all of it! Well, I believe they lost in the end because I'm still the last man standing and well, talking about it against their wishes. They acted like it was all illegal and harmful to them because they were so mad and from thinking crazy about it. Overall, it's just talking and they didn't know how to deal with just that- a person trying to talk to them. They were so mad that they couldn't even explain stuff about it and that's pretty bad so it's no wonder they believe in some weird things added to a basic truth and don't really attract that much people. It's only natural, I suppose and I know I'm still rising in the ranks which is cool for me.

In the end of all of this silly madness that was only about pursuing after talking on my part, I was the one to figure it all out and Crazy Lee was being of no help at all!  

Letting Go Of Stupid Things

I have been writing about letting go of things that bug me, but now I'm starting to realize they are actually stupid things. They are so stupid that I wrote to the guy I let go after putting him down successfully and telling him in writing, let's move on while he was still hurting that I don't want to see him get killed or screwed over by other people who are smarter than me because of these nonsensical and trivial things! He is acting like he is ignoring my messages, but deep down I know he took a glimpse of it. He isn't the smartest cookie around, and I mentioned where he has anger problems on that message probably on the last paragraph that he probably never tried to read the section.

To be able to mess around with that guy whenever I want to now and how he'll just sit there and take it while regretting a few things and unsuccessfully trying to make me look crazy, I still manage to have him as a Facebook friend which is where I have done my bidding to him. Somehow, it seems to add up to how I'm attracting more female friends. I have two great ladies who are my buddies and potential love interests. One of them might be capable of being really, physically loving which is a great thing for me and the other just might turn out to be a smoking hot and successful lady while developing some feelings for me. Either way I choose to go with it, it will end up being a lot of fun. I could also end up finding someone else so I wouldn't be hurting so much if they end up finding someone to be with.

From having attractive lady friends, it gets me thinking that I don't really need to go looking at nudes to get a fix now. It actually damages possibilities for me because it raises my standards so high and potentially overlooking great girls. From not trying to look at that stuff, I'm keeping it real and really enjoying meeting sexy people out there whenever I can get the chance! I have ideas underneath me, so I'll just keep it like that and go for it when it's something I feel is totally appropriate.  
 

Ahhhhh Starting To Get It

One of my crazy professors at a junior college said that when our minds go, "Ahhhhh" then it's a wonderful thing! I don't get it because it's about examining art for her and even though she was crazy, she was actually a very caring individual at a personal level. I totally get that now.

A lot of these "Ahhhhh" moments are happening for me because well, I'm a fully grown adult now. I'll probably keep on getting more of them until I'm finally able to settle down with a good woman. I think I'll keep it simple- I want to get a wife who can give me what I want! It's pretty simple, isn't it? "Ahhhhh," I'm starting to get it.

Finding Consistency

I think I know what it takes to be a consistent and successful person now! I used to do this as a kid for the wrong reasons so that's why it fell out. I was a smart kid who used to smack himself and cry about not getting A's and perfect scores all the time in class. How did I end up? I got all A's on my report cards and constantly ended up in the principle's honor roll. I was like one of only five people to maintain high grades in middle school. I was cheered for by my fellow classmates during awards ceremony, and I didn't get it. I should have kept it up in high school and not turned so weird from becoming a video game addict. My dad said he regrets buying me a gaming console, but that's the wrong approach. It would have happened to me later on in life, so he should have addressed it more positively but he was just as stressed as I was about trying to maintain high, academic standards and have so much happiness in my life.

So what does it take to become consistent? It's blocking out things that make you impulsive and staying fixed onto achieving a goal. My dad is horrible at this and stresses out at the situation and ends up laughing if he got heavily screwed against his powers. Otherwise, he'll be mad if he missed a step he knew he could have controlled and just yell about how bad that other person was who did it to him!

The feelings of sticking with a hard goal like becoming a millionaire with six pack abs can be not that great at any moment while feeling like a million miles away, and it might even bore a person to death but it's about grinding it all out. True gamers in great fashion are awesome at grinding in their fun video game. The only thing though is that real life work might not be that fun to grind at sometimes. These are one of the things that people need to be good at doing to stay a successful adult with a consistent habit.

Ending Anger Issues

First of all, nothing will ever end the world's problems nor people's anger issues. We are screwed because we are all sinful people in a fallen world. We need to trust in a savior to heal this world someday and from this belief, I believe in Jesus and want to live out his principles and teaching- the ones that are clear in the Bible and can't be subject to much debate. What's great is that Christ summed it all up with love God and people with everything you got and never let that go! It is God's complete law, according to the Bible. The most diligent and successful Christians who can live by this have this expectation from all the other people who wish they could believe or just don't want to give in for whatever reasons they have. The biblical character Job was one of those godly people and lucky from being filthy rich!

I'm pretty much talking about after sharing my beliefs based on details that the Bible shares, that we should ignore our anger issues. We should instead focus on good things. What are good things? It's things that are so hard to do and rewarding if it's done. Making time to vigorously exercise everyday is one of them, for example. It's about putting in all this effort to maintain self-control and not let out those impulsive responses like those crazy kids at that old church did against me. Yeah, I can make it excusable to stay mad at them, but I should control this unresolved anger against them and focus on doing good for myself and concentrate on Jesus more.

Linking Up With People Close To You

For my personality which enjoys being friends with everyone, I understand lately now that there's nothing I can do about people coming across as rude and selfish to me. I did the best I could while being mad at them and it just didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. I can discuss about it and threaten consequences while making fun of them and just laugh it all off in the end. I'm realizing it really is a battle of the wits and I happen to be so funny without me trying so hard with it so it really favors me in a way because people love funny and can associate it with being more positive than an angry, scared person who feels like he or she didn't do anything wrong.

I need to get better at thinking on the spot and preparing myself for the next day. I want to be diligent and I'm lucky to have a job that I studied so hard for. I want to expand by earning a bigger salary and having to work less, so I am trying to develop myself in the field of investing. I have been trying to go at it little by little for years now. I've made some very bad mistakes, but in the end it was just money being lost and I just have to work hard again to gain it all back at this job I have. I don't really feel it's a guaranteed cushy job because it's a business that relies on opportunity and making profit. I mean with the skills I'm gaining I could move on as an employee of another company, but yeah, I would love to make money as a self-employed day trader and then branch out to doing fun stuff and try to make living like that while settling with a decent lady.

For my close friends count, I have about two guys and three ladies. I'm from just a family of four so these all add up to be the closest people in my life. I'm going to go ahead with buying all of them a present and for maybe a couple acquaintances we associate with too. Out of all of them, a lady is someone I think I'm really well-matched up to and another one is someone I'm starting to warm up to- I'm just not ready to tie the knot with that one but the other one is like plug and play if I'm ready for it. The third lady is all over the place and her head won't ever be in the game so I'm just going to give her company because she needs it to help her stay stable. I guess it's fun charity work for me while going unnoticed and that's absolutely cool. I started out with one guy to be close to while feeling lonely, so now I potentially have two ladies to consider later down in life but one of them is taken even though she already admitted to being attracted to me while we're still friends. The other lady still needs to sort things out with her life and I'm on the same page, so we appear to be so alike and maybe because of that we might never be a couple while others seeing us in public as related.  

So Many Things To Do

I'm starting to get pretty good at managing the stress that comes from being mad at impulsive people temporarily. It could be like my mom on one of her mood swings- it definitely doesn't make me feel like a mama's boy to put up with it. I could also be feeling disrespected by people telling me I'm going to mess things up and seeing things in a more negative manner for an opinion and rolling like that. Yeah, it really gets me feeling testy a little bit with these two things. I'm learning to manage because in the end, they are just little things when you add it all up. In the end, everybody is getting paid or spending time on something so why keep on hating?

My mind is really stuck on reading interesting things lately like yesterday I was glued onto reading a fun article about Queen Elizabeth II and her relationships with 14 presidents during a 70 plus year reign! She's really that old and probably hates being frowned upon because of it. I also like reading people answer questions about their feisty pet cat. I sure do have preferences then in what I like to read even though it might not be so mainstream.

Where am I really going at in life? I really should be staying occupied with managing everything in the smallest increments and staying focused even while feeling so stressed out and angry about anything that's going on or happened. In the end, everybody is spending time and also getting paid if they have jobs and fulfilling their duties. It just doesn't matter to stay mad and maybe better if I avoided it happening while spending my time very wisely.  

Yeah Right

It seems like I have been working on myself a lot lately, and my main drive has been from wanting to be friends with everyone. However, I'm susceptible to being mad about things with people and make them mad back at me so much to the point that they get temporary psychosis and become afraid of me. I have hated this happening for me so much and it's annoying even to deal with it!

From the way I write, I can sound very surprising I guess. Anyways, those people who ticked me off like to mostly say they have nothing against me and they didn't do anything to me. They did do something and it was really rude and also has negative connotations if they do that to other people. They were basically being a jerk, but the thing is so little to stay mad about. I was holding back from trying to be nice, but it made them get so mad to listen to it.

So these people are just not that chill and have selfish intentions and can be so full of themselves while convincing some people because of my easy-going nature. Yet, what baffles some individuals is what I do after and the fact that nothing bad is really happening to me. Wow, I've been so selfish about being obsessed with talking about the problem that's making me so mad and those people don't really want to hear about it. They say they have nothing against me, but they could be just fooling themselves because they didn't act that way. I have managed to point it out to one person and from the way he responded back to me, I decided to let him go actually.

Out of like twenty people who have acted stupid enough to get me so mad, I have decided to only let like two people go because I put in the effort to make them impress me! It was all my doing and I influenced them to impress me! I should be acting this way with the other eighteen people left. I'm not kidding about this part. The thing I'm so skeptical about is those people telling me they have nothing against me because there's something underneath that drove them crazy and by me pointing it out, it makes them shutdown right then and there.

Developing Steps Higher

Girls in general can be crazy. Notice I said they can be and I'm not accusing them of anything bad. From knowing this, I still cope with them because the girls I'm around can be so cute to still be friends with. Girls are so emotional when they open up about problems in life, and I was listening to one the past weekend and I was like "Yeah, yeah" without really feeling much and then said that she'll figure something out. This seemed to make her feel good for some reason, but yeah, yeah, I understood her at least.

From being around these girls, I'm understanding better with what it takes to reach higher levels of success! It's through the stresses of life and being able to manage all of it while coping with the little stupid things like staying mad at crazy Christians at that dumb church. It seems like the more I make light of the situation with Crazy Lee, she's becoming more like a big fat "Whatever." Anyways, I guess it's good because I've done enough discussing about it. People say it's venting but no, I'm revealing the annoying truth about them little by little.

I need to basically stay awake a lot more. I have this wake-up and focusing supplement that also helps with controlling hunger for managing weight too. It's pretty expensive because one tablet can be worth about $2.00 but I get 40% discount so I'm not really hurting to be honest. The main ingredient that makes it work is obviously caffeine and there's no joke about it. It's just a sparkling water type version of coffee and meant to be drank very cold.

The way for me to develop myself higher is to stay awake more and manage my time better by avoiding cheaper decisions. I think decisions can be a form of money. Time is money too! The best decisions can be worth millions of dollars later on in life. The worst decisions can get someone locked up in jail! It's pretty much a world of making decisions and avoiding other scumbags out there like the crazy Christians at that church. I'm not mentioning names because I don't know if Crazy Lee is smart enough to be a scumbag. I'm questioning her intelligence despite her having a Master's in Psychology. This crazy lady put a restraining order on me while thinking it was going to keep me from coming back to visit her church. This qualifies for my criteria with her being stupid because there is no restraining order on me! I think I could convince mostly her and get others interested in making her to never become a foolish, female pastor too by going back and yelling at her even.

Staying Confident

I think about 50% of the time my mind wants to keep on backtracking about the same thoughts. It gets pretty annoying to think about, especially from remembering what happened and having it make me feel so angry. I internalize all this fury a lot and walk around in public while people I know are like "What's up?" I say hi to them back and smile, while I'm fuming underneath and not showing how I want to blow things up from my past! I wish people could regenerate into nice people, but only if it was so true. It would be like playing a first-person shooter in real life for escapism then continuously, but yeah, that would get annoying too after all because of the lack of stability. I think the way God created this world is well-meaning and fair.

From having faith in Jesus, I'm starting to not feel so panicky about everything that doesn't go my way. I feel like I'm able to better maintain my own emotions and stay calm through a lot of situations. Thinking about a lot of things do make me really mad but when it comes time to putting myself in that position, I'm finding myself not regretting it from going after honesty! Honesty makes it so simple along with hard work, being law-abiding, and using all the intelligence in the world I could at that point and giving it my all to get what I want!

From having confidence, there's no need to stay mad and plan stuff before hand because it's a waste of time from it being such a little thing. I'll just leave it to developing myself for thinking on the spot and go after cooler priorities that I want to work on. Basically the dumb people from the past were mad with the little stuff about me and I was mad that they were being crazy but now it seems like what they did wasn't significant and would be so embarrassing for revealing to others so they have tried to force me to not talk about it. Their attempts are futile because it really all lies on my choice to be merciful to them or unleash a whole lot of jokes about them if I want to. They have trouble moving on because of me and are pretty much going to walk away from it because of me becoming such a force of nature!

Communicating Well

From being openly myself and trying to portray things that are really cool and sharing them in hopes of just expressing myself and getting away with it constantly, a few ladies are like interested with what I'm doing. It's just a natural thing to have the opposite sex interested in me. It really doesn't matter because they are only taken already. Only? Yes, because I'm still trying to find someone attractive to marry!

When I look at appearances of girls I'm really close to, I just don't really care how they look and appreciate it when I feel how cute or sexy they are at that moment and that's it because we're only friends. I don't have issues of maintaining self-control so this is probably why their parents love me, I guess. It's cool to be chill and put yourself out there and even though, a friend who I think I'm matched well up with is taken and gets mad when I decline sometimes doing something with her, I really don't know how to put it. It's like I've been through this several times and I'm so chill about it- all of it!

Girls are communicative creatures, so opening up with them by being yourself just makes it so easy! It's like if you have a great personality, then you should be extremely and highly open about yourself; whereas, if you are a scumbag then don't say anything at all! It's these opposites that make sense in life and people should stay away from all the quiet scumbags in this world but they always can't and end up marrying them! I'm so chill about it.

I'm so chill that I feel really chill and not that much with the friend I'm well matched up with because she's already taken. I laughed while telling another lady that it's a little sad. She took it seriously and felt like crying a little bit, I guess. On the other hand, she told me a matchmaker was finding a good girl for me. Hey, I can take up on that offer!

Reaping Cool Feelings

What I think is so fun about this blog is slowly seeing my read count go up on my posts without any effort on my end. I don't need to go around constantly clicking anymore to make it look like people are reading this site. I'm just pretty nonchalant about it and just grateful for anybody who came on here to read something on here. Even if the responses would be not so positive, I know I won't be hearing from them about it because technically, they'll be thinking I'm just openly venting about them so why waste my smart negative energy on them which could potentially hold them back after all the hard work they put in to build a reputation.

One of the great things about being open about yourself and going after improvement is that things actually start making sense, and it looks like the worst things that bother you go away. It was annoying to look at cops driving past me at the place I work or even driving back home, but I hardly see them around. I think my blog had something to do with paranoid people trying to file complaints on me or something. I really don't care anymore so that's probably why I don't see cops in my head even though they could still be there.

Having a decent sense of humor is like going out for a cup of tea with the person who you are mad at. It's like yesterday I read that a really scared Queen Elizabeth I had her cousin who was Queen of Scotland executed for blaming an assassination attempt on her. This loosely reminds me of a stupid co-worker back in the day who blamed me for attempting character assassination on him and threatening to sue me. He ended up attacking me in the bathroom and mentioning how sensitive he was. He tried to throw a punch and I ended up hurting his arms from blocking them with my body weight. He just walked away quietly from me after and was like he wasn't going anywhere with me when I asked him, let's go out somewhere. Yes, I am a guy who is capable of hurting angry men's arms. These dumb guys were under a temporary state of psychosis; it is so annoying to deal with from having to be a guy. I wish they would just be happy even when they are so angry and feeling selfish about anything.

What Can Be Fun

While driving to work this morning, I found out that I have some impulsive thoughts while being all by myself. I'm totally all about driving while on auto-pilot and thinking about things or listening to a morning sermon from an excited pastor who has been doing it for over thirty years now! You just look at the road ahead of you and stare at other drivers for fun as an excuse while checking the mirrors for safety occasionally and then react to avoid hazards naturally. It's all based on how aware you are and in the beginning, I was so paranoid about not getting into any accidents. I made some blunders and got lucky that I never hurt anybody while I was a nervous wreck. I'm still considered a great driver, so I have premium insurance even though they hate on me while seeing me as high risk taker because I drive a convertible and I'm still single.

It's crazy in that it's about honesty out of trying to do the right thing and how it's actually paid off well when I was doing it. When I didn't do this and held back out of being afraid, it only made the situation worse for me. There's more to just being blunt while being so angry with people- it totally hurts their feelings and will shut them up while the person who is acting this way gets to laugh so hard; well, this is my case but I don't know how it goes for others. What about also having love and trying to do the right thing?

I'm talking about controlling everything that goes on as registering with being funny and not really laughing so hard about it. I mean it's about containing it inward- it feels really good right? This can actually be so fun to do while being bored and lonely. I'm still growing bald and my dad thinks I'm stressing out while looking at me holding in all that laughter usually. I feel great though and body feels so relaxed- I think it's hereditary and my dad thinks it's odd that I'm getting bald even though he's bald himself. My dad is just a weird guy and excuses stuff he hates as being weird or gets a short fuse about it and smokes in an unhealthy fashion. He's going to die and I figure I can't reach my dad anymore and someone else has to, but when he gets really sick around the next ten to twenty years, I believe my dad is going to think it's weird too and bug my mom about it!

In a way, containing thoughts that make us go impulsive is actually fun. I should mention this to the people who went crazy with me over the little stuff! It's also unusually healthy with helping one to bring things together and pay attention to the good stuff that's being discussed or to even explore other areas of interest.

Getting So Old

Thinking about the same thing over and over again on repeat gets very tiresome after awhile and it's like if a person was so mad about things that happened and kept on thinking about it, it just feels like it doesn't matter anymore. This is the point I'm at now over the little things I was so angry and paranoid over. I just don't really care anymore and ready to get a move on with my current situation in life.

It's quite possible though that bringing up the topic directly with related people who were a pain about it is going to strike some of their nerves and give them a hard time and cause them to become impulsively angry! It's really funny to notice this now, and the only thing that made it turn into a lost cause in my opinion is because of my failure to notice this was going on and also never really saying the whole truth about it. It really sucks to be shy for purposes of trying to stay nice and angry at the same time. It's all of this pent-up energy that was built up from frustration and imagine how it's going to seem so crazy to those annoying foolish people who are so unsuspecting of what they did and claiming they did absolutely nothing to the person and having nothing against him or her.

From being so honest and trying to be smart about it, I can argue from experience that it would force one being that way to be very expressive and think intelligently without just running the mouth and yelling like a cantankerous nincompoop over a trivial issue another person is feeling sensitive about and wants to address while still being friends. Out of my experience, with me stating all of these things, it gets the other person I was upset at to just stay quiet with me and keep on smiling about it.

I guess my intentions now is that I really don't care they were being crazy with me over nothing serious. I still have my life and the things they said would happen never really came to pass. They were just really mad about stuff and having a hard time thinking through it from being so selfishly impulsive and having trouble managing their frustrations while staying friendly about it. I mean I can try to understand and just not really be affected by all of it and be equally selfish while remaining a calm person. I really want recognition from these types of people because it gives me a sense that I conquered some type of puzzle dealing with others, and it's a step closer to achieving heaven with personal relationships that really matter in the end.

Making Choices Based On Faith

I seriously believe in Jesus being my Lord and savior all by faith. I believe that he resurrected based on reading the Bible and even though I don't get scientifically how Mary could conceive Jesus through only God and no earthly father, I accept it based on only faith. It's through having faith in Jesus that I want to be loving towards people I'm still mad at because they were so annoying to me in the past.

The Bible says in 1 John 1:8 that for anyone to say he or she is without any sin is a liar. This means that we all live in a fallen world and even other Christians at Hope of God Church in Los Angeles right off of Caesar Chavez Blvd who acted like a bunch of lame morons with me at a stupid church I had selfish reasons over wanting to still attend can't be perfect in their faith either. It's that old beaten up and small church right off the freeway that was used as a wedding chapel in the past when it used to look so cute! I loved going to that church because I loved the feeling of fellowship with a small group of believers. However, they turned crazy on me and had all these anger issues over stuff I don't really concern myself over. I don't agree with all of their doctrine either and allowing for a female pastor. Yeah, that's taking it too far especially when the Apostle Paul said in 1 Tim 2:12, "I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. "

Another cool church I have associated with before even allowed for a female associate pastor and a girl I think has a very cute personality now kept on calling her pastor and giving her all this respect and adoration like that lady pastor is her leader. Okay, I think that's cool in a sense.

Anyhow, I had trouble speaking up and this is what's required for me now based on Scriptures. The Bible points out that when a person is trying to sue you, you should try to resolve it before it gets too out of hand. This is what the lady leader Lee who acted like an appointed pastor ignored with me at Hope of God Church. You just can't assume every Christian will know the Bible like a regular Christian should know, based on what the Bible says.

Anyway what's nice is finally moving on and choosing to be overflowing with grace, love, and mercy with those idiot Christians I was angry at for a long period of time. I'm still mad at them but I'm trying to overlook it on a daily basis now. If I can't, I'm just going to be making fun of them and laughing my butt off, but yeah I should add in some loving effect just because of my faith in Jesus.

Working Through Discomfort

I'm realizing for myself that it's common for people to be impulsive over the little things. Sometimes, it gets too annoying for me and I'm so mad about it. This is an area where I have been learning to control without letting myself get it out of hand. I have to admit though that when I let loose on the person I'm mad at, it feels really good sometimes even if I'm just imagining it happening.

I think it's because of my faith in Jesus that I don't really want to be an impulsive and angry person over the little stuff that annoys me about people. From having ran outdoors quite a lot so far for exercise and experiencing some hardships in the past with completing assignments successfully and feeling so great about achieving high marks, I can see that things can't always feel good in life and it's something that you just have to work at and be consistent in while hoping to get lucky and be right about it!

It's really tempting everyday to make fun of people I'm still mad at over silly things in the past. I have been learning to try to deal with it in a more positive manner, but I have to admit it feels so good to send them a message and start laughing at them for the effect it is about to cause them. I'm just starting to not really care so much about the little things these days and realizing there are more important things to look after, despite competing with others at similar interests sometimes.

There's a smart and holistic way that can work for everyone and this is what I want to continue to believe. Now, I have learned that it's important to sometimes just stick it out even when you aren't feeling it. I hope to become a rich and very athletic gentleman soon and with all the confidence in the world a short man would ever want to score the best wife he could ever dream of.  

Reaching Goal

I guess there are simple goals- like trying to reach a one post per day average on this post, which I'm finally reaching this month. The end? No, I have more to say. There are also goals that end up turning boring right on the spot like watching an anime show that ends up having a few boring elements for a few seconds before getting addictive again and it's just a constant cycle on repeat. This whole constant cycle of being boring and then feeling exciting in an ambivalent wave pattern feels almost like a mild case of bi-polar mental disease if you ask me. How do I put up with it? I don't care about how bored I get- I'm in it for the honey always!

The only concern about finishing stupid goals like the ones I mentioned above is that it makes me feel sheepish. I feel bad about playing a video game for hours and not stopping and neglecting my homework. I don't have any homework now, thank goodness, but I create my own homework. What do I mean by that? I'm trying to be successful and make lots of money so I voluntarily make homework for myself because I desire it. If I'm not doing this homework to try to make myself successful then what's the point of feeling sheepish after finishing a stupid goal?

If I just leave that rhetorical question by itself, it's an effective post but I will feel that I left it unanswered, so I might as well try to answer it. If I don't do homework to try to make myself successful then feeling sheepish after finishing a stupid goal is very stupid for me indeed. I have something to relate my life to and it's my journey of going on those long trail runs while feeling sore everyday! You have to just sit through it even though I'm sweating like crazy and feeling agony through making my aching legs run even faster up the hills. It's not a 100% comfortable feeling always, but it's like chugging away to get to the finish line. This is how my work life should essentially be. I'm just worried that if I work too much then I won't have any fun so I feel sad about it and this is where I get exposed to fun things and don't want to leave that fun thing all throughout the night and not get a lot of sleep sometimes. I think I need to be used to this whole feeling of trail running for long durations and call it training for a better life while being bored out of my silly mind! I'm not going to do so well at it, but I'm understanding what needs to be done now.

Achieving Happiness

I'm writing this post while dealing with a headache at work. Let's see how I do! I guess I'm just trying to finally catch up so I want this to be a filler. It's pretty much like how I'm trying to attempt to write something epic for myself while having fun. I don't think a lot of people even care to read this from being too lazy, meaning it just isn't worthwhile enough to them. That's pretty nice though because a person told me he's too lazy to read my essays! I find that to be flattering because he thinks I'm capably smart.

There was a friend who told me another loser who put a restraining order on me started reading my posts like a religion. That loser friend doesn't read my blog anymore and is a messed up creature but I'm not so impulsive about trying to beat him up anymore. At the time, he thought I was some terrorist because he went through some psychosis from being so mad about how I made fun of him on this blog. This is why he put a restraining order on me- he was literally scared for his life after I made him so mad while he thought that he did nothing to me. He did do something to me- he made me really mad because he wasn't being a gentleman with this lovely lady at work who was lonely and looking for a man! This is all that chivalry stuff that I was feeling back then and boy she was a really tall woman and I'm sure she had a lot to offer while being so attractive for a black and young, single lady. The loser buddy was bad-mouthing her so bad like he owned the place he worked at and he didn't and he said don't let anyone know about this stuff he's venting. It really got on my nerves too much! Anyway this is the drama that occurred for me and he's nowhere I set my foot to anymore even with all these good people he wants to still associate with now. He just isn't worth someone taking seriously and I think even all of his girlfriends would feel troubled about that dude if I told her the whole story.

I'm achieving happiness from just writing about it on this blog and sharing it openly. I can't talk this openly with people because my spoken words don't speak faster than what I can type. I type pretty fast compared to how I talk from being so mellow and considering what I should say instead of being impulsive like having road rage and cussing out fellow drivers on the road! I'm just open and honest and not shy about it, so I think people would rather avoid me if they are so mad because I can continuously keep on playing the mellow type and make them look crazy now.

Setting Priorities Straight

I'm finding out for myself that my mind works pretty slow. I just sit there and nothing comes through for a few minutes and then it gets fired back up to the point that I go into motion. Just try doing this all day, nothing will be done! Well, I'm sure some progress can still be made. It will just take a bit longer while being stretched out into days.

So now the question really is more like, what can be done to be fully content with one's own life? Setting up a simple routine and getting it done while having discussions among friends who are interested is great. It's nice to be friends with a couple lovely ladies who are really into working out. They can seriously point me in a good direction with reminders of what I know already. I can tell that they like me, which is cool. I guess relationships aren't really all about the act of making babies while having so much fun and focusing only on what's fun and not resulting in any kids. It's interesting for sure!

I'm seriously in disagreement these days with the school of old generational thinking. It's really quite weird in that I may not be having the lone and weird crazy life. A lot of people think in this same fashion and even experience it. With my culture, I'm around Koreans who believe in marrying other Koreans to stay within the culture. It's pretty cool actually to stay in it and to find someone nice and attractive to marry within one's own culture. However, I think it's more important to find the partner with the right qualities that will work on the long run.

I'm making this whole post about relationships I want to be in for setting my priorities. I guess then it's a major priority for me because it's something I desire these days. I have this thought of being lonely and all by myself while I'm rich and living in a great house while so healthy and with lots of free time. Oh man, it's the life and when I'm feeling lonely, I'll be just trying to reach out with meeting more nice ladies. It's really just that simple with planning.  

Staying Resilient

Resiliency is basically the state of having the character needed to be consistent at something. It's incredibly difficult to retain consistency as a lifestyle, but it's what's needed to make it work. Investing in smart people is awesome, but what if there's not enough money to do so then pretty much, a person is going to have to rely on something he or she is talented with and hope to get lucky.

I think like begets like and I'm entirely basing this blog off of just being personally myself. It's like I'm after doing myself a service and to get myself motivated while knowing my own full intentions with what I wrote. Back then, I had no control over what I was writing but I was too shy to even mention it to people I was mad at and sending those annoying messages to. It's actually really selfish but I think it's funny with what happened now since I'm not afraid of what I did anymore because it makes fun of them without them knowing what I'm really talking about and had them get very irritated about talking about it.

People can be so crazy from being impulsive and this is what I learned over something silly like sending passive aggressive messages that just centered on me making fun of them in the nicest way I could and letting out my grudge with them. I hit the send button with them and it was all this tension. It wasn't nice, but what I mentioned had nothing in there to really get me in trouble so it made them really scared. I was making them uncomfortable and it all happened because I got mad at them over nothing really serious. They aren't perfect people as well and they responded in a bad manner to me before I got mad at them, so I'm guessing they weren't aware of it. I think it's important for me to stay resilient with myself and people acting crazy around me from being impulsive. Self-control is even hard to contain for law enforcement officers and I even gave a few a hard time because they were probably tempted from having anger issues. With those anger issues coming out, it makes them feel bad about it later on and there are also repercussions they have to feel lucky about not happening because it didn't get that far. The incident isn't also that serious, so it will not make them look very good now from having acted in that manner and others find out about so I guess they weren't meant  to deal with it and I just have to let them know next time when they are caught up in my own drama.

Understanding Time Management

For myself, I'm starting to realize that my long-term desires and short-term ones don't match up. It's like while I'm in the moment, I want to be happy from keeping myself entertained and eat anything to my heart's content and not get fat off of it! At the same time, I want to have the love of my life to enjoy getting physically intimate with. I mean it's just all of this excess fun and enjoyment that you want, right? However, it's not happening for me. I wonder what's missing for me.

I know I'm lacking in somewhere with my personal character during my time management. I'm not enabling myself enough during these critical periods of free time I find myself in. With this free time, I'm just surfing the web and letting my mind wander while trying to read up on entertaining things like celebrities' lavish lifestyles or maybe about popular movies. I even read up on user comments on sports sites and have fun laughing at arguments that get a little out of hand, while not getting myself involved. I'm perfectly fine with being this anonymous observer at the moment and feel content with trying to organize around my life.

Reading up on material that I found curious about wanting to know, I've learned there are quite some useful and free information. It seems like it really takes a lot of common sense and being patient with gaining experience before coming away with figuring something out. I guess it's just putting in the time to go seeking and having willingness to experience working through some setbacks. From having made myself sore the past week with running six days straight out of the seven, I'm realizing that it requires just sitting through it sometimes to get to a result. It's not the most comfortable feeling in the world but it's necessary in order to achieve the desired result and it's all done out of living as a privilege.

I realize that I messed myself up from being mentally unstable while growing up. I didn't have the role model that I wanted and I was so shy and unbreakable with my lifestyle choices. It's not too bad because I didn't hammer away my brain cells. I just didn't have the best parents to help me through in those really important life-changing moments. It would have been great, but they didn't really know how to be successful. I'm still living with them and now, I just want to make a lot of money so I can comfortably move out and have a great experience with finding a nice partner.

Embracing Suffering

I have yet to find out the entire truth about myself, but I think a lot of incidents that I don't like happen because I'm just being selfish and not man enough to handle it. Fortunately, the worst thing that happens to me is just losing time but with the efforts I have made to become a better person, it doesn't really feel that hard with being the person I like to be around others. I'm taking interest these days in a good way with people, and I know it while feeling great about it. It's not really a big deal to communicate openly, and I was just so shy back then from being selfish about not wanting myself to look bad. I ended up making it bad for myself anyway from being too shy because I turned off quite a few girls I was interested in getting to know. I mean it's not bad that people generally don't really have anything against me, but a few do struggle with being crazy to me in certain areas and can't resolve it while being fully loving about it.

My area of struggle really comes from boredom and wanting to rely on a beautiful lady I'm married with to provide some loving comfort. I'm lacking confidence in this area because I'm always short-sighting myself and not able to have enough patience. I can't do this everyday because it always gets boring after awhile before resetting, but I have been practicing with developing stamina from using inspiration from pornographic actors! It's pretty funny with what I'm doing and how I look at it. I'm just not addicted to the material- it's the signs and wonders of exploring my body that I'm more concerned about! I have been trying to study how to provide utmost physical pleasure for someone but intend to use the knowledge only for marriage. I guess from a heart issue and a spiritual standpoint, I could do better for myself but yeah, this is really a borderline sin that I'm flirting with. It's basically one of those in the closet things that people are probably going to prefer never finding out about. It's not that my status will change with them too much if they do, so I'm just writing freely about it on this blog.

This blog really has this effect of giving me freedom from some of the stresses I deal with. I'm realizing that I'm a really selfish guy even though I prefer to get around while trying to stay nice with everybody. I'm living under happiness from believing upon my Lord and savior Jesus. I want to be the best I can be to lead others who haven't to give God a chance and to allow Him to change them for the better and experience so much freedom from bondage of sins. I'm going to need to keep working on myself, and I'm realizing that maybe my struggle might be a byproduct of my past issue with short-term bipolar / schizophrenic condition. My mom has stated to not talk about it while crying about it several times with me. I have insisted on bringing it up all the time, but my parents think I'm trying to blame them for it. In a way, I sort of do because of the way they handled a few key moments I was really sensitive about while growing up. They aren't perfect parents and have weird beliefs and to have been raised by them, I didn't really get much feedback from them because they were more focused on making money to catch up in life and pretty much just have each other to deal with. It's a pretty weird relationship, so I wonder if how they acted with each other really is causing me to not want to just jump into a relationship. I probably don't want to break up with anyone nor get into a nasty fight when I do get in one, so this is probably why I haven't found the one yet.

Black Friday Resolutions

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day and I ended up having a long lunch with my sister and her boyfriend. After that, I ended up playing Magic the Gathering by myself the whole time. I was really intrigued by the idea of studying the whole synergy of a few decks. I stumbled upon creating a modern type deck that could win in the third turn and nothing can be done about it, but it doesn't perfectly happen all the time. It was pretty entertaining nonetheless to just continuously test it out and play for fun.

I think it's common for people to do New Year's resolutions, but I will go after making some on Black Friday! From still being single at the age of 35 and never having had a girlfriend, I have something at least from being great friends and rather close while feeling like family with a few girls. I'm sort of greedy for meeting more nice ladies. It's crazy in that my preferences with finding a lady I want to marry really deal with her personality and decisions. I guess I've been having several opportunities with attractive women who are older and trying to hit me up on a dating website while stating they are Christian, but they have kids to take care of and I'm not too sure how to go about it yet.

With these lady friends of mine, I'm letting them down quite often and I don't mean to. I'm realizing my own faults that I need to work on for myself. They are pretty cool about it with me though. With one of them, I would actually like to end up marrying her if it's possible to have something enjoyably romantic and to stay physically passionate about on a regular basis. However, she's taken to another partner. I think I could be a decent match with her and seriously love and accept who she is even with her occasionally funny and flirty outbursts with other people. Overall, it's something for me to just make progress over and not push at. Maybe, I'm just getting warmer with the type of ladies I want to find and date.

Making Improvements

Overall it's actually a lot of fun to hang out with people and be nice. The personality of just talking out of turn to blurt out stuff is just what you do I guess to have fun. It probably starts off as annoying for some people before getting improved from maturing. It's just practically meant to be funny I guess and no actual harm done. Some of the things I have heard from co-workers is pretty aggressive, and they are putting up a stance against each other. One of the guys tells the other to shut up all the time! In this case, I don't think it's meant to be a fun thing to do with each other then. It doesn't mean that the laughter goes away while thinking about it.

Being around ladies, I'm around a lady who is studying to be a doctor. She is very open about telling me how the female body works with me in informal terms. She will even put a spin on the psychology of women, which can be quite helpful. It's nice to have a lovely friendship with these types of girls. However, I don't really find myself to be super attracted to her yet. I guess I'll keep an open mind about it because she does come across as the successful type. What I'm trying to get at mainly to stick to the title is that I'm talking more freely with girls and I had trouble doing this. I still had girls approaching me in college, and my dumb mind at the time didn't know they were actually attracted to me. I was like thinking I'm too short so I'm not going to do much and hide how much I feel so sad!

It makes it a lot easier now to have female friends I can relate to because I can say much and they will take a little offense to it! Like with my little sister, I just talked about junk all day and all night back then that she tired of it eventually and wanted to lock me in my own room and make me never come out. I was very annoying to her because I was a lost cause and such a hard worker at being one. I guess I'm lucky to finally realize all of this and to have made the right choice of trying to leave that stupid old church out of my crazy schemes. I still play an instrument and sing a song I modified just for Crazy Lee. It starts like this, "Lee I know you let yourself down. Lee, I can tell by the fact you'll come around..."

Being An Expert At Something

Well I guess it wouldn't be hard for someone to realize that he or she is an expert at knowing where he or she is bad at in life. I just don't think many would be interested in discussing about it if it's going to be perceived as not beneficial. It takes sometimes a lot of discipline and a few risks to get somewhere in life. It's really hard to ignore that something negative might be unwisely done from missing a few details. This is much like playing a fun game against another opponent and trying to go for the win and just having to settle for a loss or feeling great about winning. It's pretty much black and white each time- you put in the amount of work you want to and hope for the best!

I guess it's awesome to have a lot of reminders set in place or to just know how one operates. There really is some luck involved with living a happy life. If it doesn't work out, then there's really not much one can do about it. It would be about having to just move on. I have been working on not letting myself get too angry over something silly now. It's just not worth it to work at embarrassing someone you are bitter about over something not important like issues with that old church I keep on bringing up.

One thing that has really helped me connect with good friends is to just be myself and not shy about expressing myself. I think it's good to be genuine especially if you represent a wonderful faith like a person who truly believes in Christ.

Letting Things Go

Man, this really sucks because as a Christian, I made an oath that isn't sinful. If it was sinful, then by default I could pray for forgiveness and repent of that thought and move on with the Lord's grace and mercy overflowing my life with the help of the Holy Spirit and God's gracious Word! It means that I'm obligated to carry it out and it's a burden I placed upon myself- it's like a debt that I have to pay off even though I don't want to now. Therefore, it's really important to be careful about swearing an oath. I'm not going to talk about my oath because it's going to scare the people at that old church I really hate these days. Hate the sins, not the people. It's more similar to like saying hate the game, not the players!

Yeah, we live in a fallen world so no church is perfect and that's the truth. I'm moving on from what happened in the past because it didn't matter. It wasn't serious with them acting crazy about stuff with me. I really don't care and know they were under a state of psychosis from being so angry about nothing important and wanting to take matters into their own hand. It was seriously overdoing it on their end, but it ended up with nothing really that bad happening to me even though they said it would. It was just them being really crazy after all and so I was just having trouble managing the past because I was mad they would behave so inappropriately. Oh well, it's something I have been continuing to work on for myself. From doing so, it's even helping me with my own personal relationships with others so after all, it is a positive even though the experience sucked and I swore an oath that isn't sinful and I'm bound to fulfill it under Christian principles.

Typical Life

I think one of my biggest desires to cope with is having a nice and attractive wife who is open to having a lot of physically intimate action. I guess just enough until either of us want to pass out from being too tired and then let it build back up in a few days. It would be like rinse and repeat and I believe that I would be very satisfied if I can find and marry her. I have a few obstacles to deal with to get there. First of all, I could use a much higher income and not show up to work whenever I don't want to. This is stuff guys like me can only dream of right now, but I see that there is a lot of hard work involved even when you aren't feeling it. It's like after getting through that hurdle and you are happy from what's been done then it was a good thing. This is much like passing a really hard video game and taking several weeks and then getting bored of it, but from being a shy kid I had nothing else to do so I committed to it and then I passed a super hard video game when I was around eight years old. I had to ask a few friends for tips of course, but hey, I did it!

Besides getting pretty decent at becoming a button smasher with great timing, I don't really feel quite so proud of it because I don't want to spend years trying to chase after people who make a living doing it- I will get dusted in the qualification rounds and there's lots of money being potentially lost and it's just not worth it to me anymore. I had this issue of always tensing up and then performing badly. I think to avoid the whole tensing up, a lot of preparation needs to go into it so that the nerves don't limit you. I guess one can say I was too lazy even though I knew all of this and just couldn't manage my time very well so I was feeling quite distracted and not very happy. In this mood, it's very hard to even continue working hard but from having trained to run a few marathons and still running today by alternating 5K or 10K distances, I have been learning to stick with things better and even improving my speed or health!  

Interesting Moments

Because of my will to write stupid and passive aggressive messages and then send them like a jerk to people I was mad at, it caused me some major headaches after wanting to still be friends with them! Those people turned crazy about stuff that don't matter to me and are silly in general; the reference is me because I say they are not serious. Those people don't care; they just don't want to talk about it anymore. It's because I think they'll feel bothered remembering how bad they were and not feeling that much justification over it. It also makes them feel like they worked so hard, but now going to lose their reputation with people who find out about it. I did this to my little sister back then and she turned so crazy with anger issues and would start shouting and threatening that she was going to call the police on me! I really didn't know what to do about it.

Writing messages and not making sense while you are angry and trying to stay nice about it and then sending it and before you send it, just stay quiet about it and just ask annoying questions while thinking it's good for a serious discussion, yes this will drive a person so crazy he or she will leave the facility you are at and never want to come back! The super crazy and bad thing for those people is that I now know it isn't serious. I had anger issues over trivial things dealing with people. I was like mad at a good friend hugging me with only one arm- it really doesn't matter! I was like mad to be just texted 'Ok' by a girl and to think she doesn't like me, but that's the way she is and she does like me.

These are all little things and they don't really count that much but they all add up in a person's life and it's good to let it go and learn something out of it based on what you want out of life. I want to be friendly with people, so I learned to just be straight-forward and honest with them because from talking like that, I'm humoring myself from how silly everything is so I don't feel mad anymore. It's life and living for what we desire and working really hard for it!

Things Not Being Serious

All these years, the worst things that have bugged me so much and made me think about it to the point of exhaustion and wanting to give up have been about being mad over silly things! I want to end this post right now and because I don't feel like writing but I guess I may start putting down something- this is how I run things around here.

Anyway, I'm much more relaxed from realizing that stupid things that want to drive you crazy are really nothing more than annoying things that you have to let go of and to focus on more healthier things. It's not good to revert back to a vice in place of it- ahem, porno but I've read that it really doesn't help anybody but entertain them down below there. If there's too much of it, it's like building tolerance to alcohol because the effect will be much less and guys who are addicted to it will start having trouble standing up from being all wobbly and having to walk while spreading their legs.

I'm kidding, it hasn't happened to me yet because I'm not addicted to porno. I have better things like hanging out with pretty girls to do then watch them doing something sinful. It's not the most fun idea for me of the night, so I guess when guys have that feeling of wanting to be awakened below there, they really have something that might turn into a handful. I think it's just choosing to not get carried away with it. It's harder at first and then just becomes easier and second nature. The fact that I'm still reverting once in awhile and carrying on like nothing ever happened after, I really need to just suck it up when it tries to hit me home. I haven't tried crying about it to myself but maybe it will work- whining all by myself and letting tears come down because it doesn't feel good sometimes to let that energy dry itself out.