I had trouble socializing with kids and felt depressed at times from watching too much TV. I wanted to be out there in the world and find motivation to study hard and obtain happiness. It was just so hard to not fall into sadness and then just out of the blue, I grew up to be a really sensitive and timid person. This didn't keep me from staying out of trouble, which sucked at times but looking back, I'm glad that I grew out of it and just coming to pure acceptance and the need to continuously improve on myself.
Just thinking about it, it's sort of a waste of time to dwell on them because my life is about moving forward. I totally believe in prayer and waiting on the Lord for answers through studying Scriptures. I think with anything that just bothers me, I guess I will have to just trust that the Lord will deliver me from out of that trouble eventually and just keep on running hard with the faith!
One of the biggest things that I have to keep on reiterating on this blog is that I learned to fully open up and from being this type of person, I don't really push away people, I encourage them to be friendly with me as well. I have learned that the solution to dealing with people from the past who struggled with me and acted very highly irritated towards me and angered me a great deal is to just have fully opened up with them about everything and just tell them what I'm observing on them. I was just like too comatose in a social manner so I guess I was lashed out at over really nothing.
I think there's another key thing that comes into play for becoming a successful person; it's really having selective attention. The people I dealt with became nuts with me and it's never excusable to go crazy from being angry and denying that you are not or just trying to hide that you are raging over nothing really that serious. They felt bad about themselves after trying to deal with me because they knew that I didn't need to talk bad about others to feel good about myself. I influenced them in some ways to try to be socially better people, but this is just a natural thing people do. When I talked, they would have their attention on me to try to find dirt on me or something or just leave it be. It wasn't really serious, but I did scare or anger them a pretty good deal and it's something that they don't want to talk about because it's a topic that highly bothers them and they just don't care with staying stupid about it!
It's okay with them wanting to be jerks because I'm ready for them now and whenever, I'm ready to be confrontational with them and I also happen to have the chance. If not, it's not like the end of the world with being forced to move on anyway. I can find tons of better things to do with my time. It really comes down to choosing to ignore stuff that bothers you while you are raging and conducting yourself under self-control. Over time, it's just going to get to everybody if they keep on having to face it and it will drive them crazy. I was the one being the jerk and driving people crazy because I was so mad at them being inconsiderate with me. Now that I'm aware of all this from opening up, yeah, they really have no counter but to accept me being this funny jerk with them.
I was nice though but because they lost it, they saw things from a different perspective while twisting my words out of having anger and acting with rage and saying that they aren't mad. I see the misdirection there and can counter angry comments now. I'm not going to go intentionally make people mad again, now that I learned what I was doing wrong. It's not like I did anything wrong but I just captured all this negative energy while trying to find my direction. It would have been better for me to not engage them while I was going through that mood because I wasn't opening up to them about my confrontational personality. I totally understand what happened and they lost it with me in the end with me outdoing them anyway on the long run, and it's not bad for them to go quiet with me and root for me while they stay in their place. I'm going after self-improvement in my life and they are not doing it enough, which is the difference.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
