Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Motion To Vacation Restraining Order Part 2

I am sending over multiple legal senders with their signatures to show how serious I am about applying the rules of the legal engagement. This is to avoid speculation that the plaintiff's defense would be just to not show up by trying to display an illusion that I was not being victimized. The reason why I make the only one last appeal to court to exercise a privilege in the law is to ensure everyone's peace and security. I realize how frustrated I was which was not very much compared to some real criminals and how the situation was going nowhere for the party who tried to initiate something with me. Even though things can appear so frustrating, I figure that there is no need for them to be so frustrated about it. I have also been hoping that everything that I have done to try to appease the situation would help them see that I have been totally trying to mean well about everything. The perceived ranting is more about trying to joke around a little, even though it can be perceived as being mean. I really do not ever have to insult anyone's behavior in a very highly negative manner that locks up someone's freedom; furthermore, I never persistently engaged in this behavior. In addition, I have not harassed the plaintiff in any matter that would ensure a restraining order if Annie or Betty were not in existence. What I want to get out of coming to court is that the arguments that they made with me felt really forced upon me. I did not want to agree with them at the time, but tried to stay mellow about it while thinking that I only had to do at least do a minimal amount of effort to show that I was willing to submit and be helpful about everything. I want to ensure that they are being clear in their personal statements and having the judge preside over it to give an objective remark on what is legal and really is not. The problem with this incident is that I feel that I have to make a lot of charitable efforts to relieve tension for everyone and that they seem to have failed with me. The police man failed to arrest me and place a police report on me; in addition he had stated that he wanted a restraining order on me just to get away with it at the time that I really yelled about his personal harassing remarks. I was already outside and on the verge of leaving for home, until the police men detained me to question about my psychological history; I guess they took great interest in trying to do something with me and causing the worshiping believers to not even notice the police men doing this outside an apartment building. My actions felt like a lot of high intensity and energy, like the type that an officer would use on a criminal to invoke his rights of placing a dangerous human under civilian arrest. The police officer had pulled a weapon out in front, after making himself known that I was making him very angry. He said not to stare back while I was looking at his badge, but I think he was worried that I would run and hunt someone down. I also realized that I turned back and walked very slowly to collectively take in my thoughts, like I was really relaxed about it. Then, the officers told me to speed up which was actually very humorous to me. What I also want to ensure out of this one-time deal only court session is that I want to help minimize local government having to intervene over useless assumptions. The judge stated "Only three years is the maximum period" for my intentions of submitting to court. He also stated "In the middle" and started nodding to all the requests to what everyone mentions as "The petitioner." I need to know if they want to pursue any longer charges because the petitioner was not directly involved with any conflict with me. This will inadvertently add in more time to go appearing at court and may distract others temporarily by having to go in to testify from their own personal situations. The messages that were used and presented to the Court are targeted for someone else, each time. I actually really respect the wishes of the petitioner just that confusion has been expressed by her and that she may be trying to hold me from legally pursuing after someone just to mingle with very privately. Unfortunately, the environment only permits me to talk in a safe and confidential location which is at the gathering place. If it was at a restaurant, even if I was not invited I would have still tried to find the final terms. I think the terms are not very important in the legal manners and should be expressed in human words at initial counter-interaction. It is to do what they ask and to believe it's right. However, it's hard to visualize for me how they are moving on and need to pursue a good direction without changing or compromising any of their values. It could be very easy for the petitioner to be around the people I am only interested in making contact with. A person named Jarred has blocked my messages which is my only way of communicating with him and he is not pursuing after any legalities because of his involvement and my clever schemes of writing. The only way is to talk to him and state that I agree and want to block him back, if he thinks that's right and ask him if it's correct to do that to him. I have been very receptive to the petitioner's email that was sent to my inbox after the permanent restraining order was in effect. It had a positive light of being together for some reason. Of course, I did not write back even though I have legally tried to discuss about her through text and in transition about stating what's wrong through someone who is considerably called their leaders. This is clearly not trying to directly communicate with her through someone else. I have also been given a little many invitations to come out to church, thanks to a pretty bright girl who wants to understand the good gift of life and the many challenges dealt in overcoming them. The people who have charged me have allowed me to be open with them and did not exhibit signs of feeling threatened when I followed them around temporarily in a closed-door building with people laughing at me following the girl who spoke on the podium at a church just to get information that I felt I had the right to get but they could not regurgitate in the misunderstanding. This girl who spoke on the podium at a church and tried to educate the people in a closed-door building where I exhibited signs of peacefulness with the majority is allegedly the petitioner. Overall, I was very fatigued about having to deal with this incident and with a lot of things from the past that were haunting me. I am now recovered to the point of wanting to be hard working and still possessing good concerns that show that I'm willing to become more balanced and to express myself without giving anyone the feeling that I'm trying to force them to change.

    I did not continually harass anyone. After finding an agreement and satisfaction with the presumably interested and smiling girl, I managed to leave the girls alone. I was more focused on talking to the guys at the time who said I had some problems with the girls. They were still being unreasonable but I really tried and even came very close, if it was not for a distracted friend who was mad about me not taking him to Las Vegas, wrapped his arms around me and then started panicking. I know how to deal with him and reply to his unclear and unintentionally abusive remarks. I will be able to answer all doubts or accusations with the figurehead representative in court now. A guy a few years older than me, Chris basically said that getting a restraining order would be a possibility if I did not abide to their plans. I think they meant to file a disorderly conduct, but was really too inhibited to think when he felt like a crisis was occurring and acted out of panic. Jarred and Chris had tears running down their eyes when I spoke to them while they were waiting for the police. They did not tell me to go home so that the police would not have to take me to jail. I stood next to them when the police had arrived. I was ready to go and meant no conflict at the time. However, the situation provoked itself to worse lengths based upon the bad reasoning of some of the men and women who were against me. In addition, Chris and Jarred and the police men did not show up the court hearing. It's on record that only Betty wanted to testify against me even though Annie and Chai were about to with me. It seems like with the least bad things I did to people, these people just wanted to overreact about something and not let me help them to overcome the situation while I was attempting trivial pursuit and friendship. Therefore, I am ready to get Annie, Betty, and someone else back on my Facebook profile again. I will get them on first before I get Chris and Jarred on the Facebook profile. The only way I won't be able to do this is if they leave the church or move somewhere or get married and then leave. Furthermore, I don't feel like hiring anyone to track them if they resort to doing those things.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Motion To Vacate Restraining Order Part 1

The police man found me walking towards my car which is facing away from the apartment complex. As long as I had not bothered anyone after coming back a second time and no one was outside the building in particular, I was on the verge of leaving the premises again until the police man had decided to detain me on the parallel pavement which people are encouarged to walk on for possibly taking a break to exercise. There were witnesses who pointed with their fingers that I was walking away from the apartment building, and the witnesses had repetitiously pointed that I was doing that. I was in the police man's back seat and placed under arrest when I had noticed he was talking to them. I believe the police man wanted to get me for something out of taking vengeance to his own hands but really could not and had to let me go because there was nothing his forceful behavior could get out of it. I believe that the police man was just in a bad mood with me winning out the battle in yelling at him over his own might at yelling at me and harrassing me with rude comments and then thinking that I was insane at the same time. No phone call was made to the police man again; he just came on his own behalf, placed me under arrest momentarily by using hand cuffs and then released me without even booking me at the police station. The reason why I did not bother them again by ringing the door bell was because I overheard outside the thin walls a really attractive and nurturing voice over there and it just repelled me from doing it again and I walked away and have no regrets about the decision. (The voice definitely does not belong to Annie or any of the accusers.) I also had placed a phone call to Jared to let him know that I was coming which he did not answer. 

I feel like it is highly probably for me to reconcile with lives of many people if this restraining order is taken off, compared to the relationship I have with the accuser. She did say "Thanks" when I came to visit her and let her know that I was never going to come to her house again after the incident with the police. She also did say that she did not want to file against me and that to my knowledge, a restraining order is used for more personal purposes. The cop also did say that he was going to follow me until I hit the freeway again, but he left me when I went to refuel my car. He opened the door on me and forced me to start my engine and then he turned on the headlights for me and then shut the door so heavily. It seems like he could do this in an abusive relationship. Oh well, I don't mind after all but I did yell at the cop after not being able to withstand a series of taunts of how I needed to go to a mental hospital and take medication for it. It really irritated me so much and wanted that to stop. I was accused of fighting my own friend. (We are poker buddies who play for only a dime and is not illegal because cops do it all the time! It has affected him from showing up to the house where the accuser is at. I have also heard from him that the group at the accuser's house over there has played Texas Hold'em with some pennies and is possibly more than just ten cents.) The police arrived, but did not charge me with any disorderly conduct. I was accused of following around the plaintiff. This occurred in a closed door building at a safe environment where people were acknowledging what I was doing was being humorous. In my opinion, I believe that the few pastors were laughing at me thinking that I was questionably pursuing after her. The plaintiff conducted some personal meetings with me and directed personal attacks at me. She was clearly never harassed by me at any given moment in time. I had asked her if she felt reproached by me and she denied me doing anything wrong to her. I personally need to know if the accuser wants to deny any of these statements while being under oath in the Court of Law! Even Jarred who was the most antagonistic said that I could approach the plaintiff to talk about anything with her. Jarred wants to move on and agrees to my thinking that he was pretty out of line during that time. I have spoken to him on the phone even though he blocked most of my lines. His main reason of thinking was that I was using up his minutes or text messages, but I know he's being dishonest about that. Therefore, his thinking is unclear and I believe that he should never really have involved himself with me in this issue or allowed the one girl in this world to put a restraining order on me and after having done nothing to her very seriously. This is so humorous in a way that a civil restraining order could take place and not be used for what its original intention was supposed to be used for. I just want to clear this up and set it straight to make sure the law is being used in an objective and moral manner. The speculation was that I was harassing other women (e.g. Annie and Betty) and not the plaintiff. This was pointed out in writing. I was also written to by the plaintiff after the restraining order was in place. I do not know why I cannot reply back to her and am very confused by the gestures she took upon with me. I clearly did not say anything wrong or evil and choose not to be angry over this incident. This restraining order affects my relationship with Annie and Betty. It also affects my relationship with other people at a church. The only way I see for this restraining order to continue happening is if the plaintiff decides to no longer consider herself as a spiritual leader who can dictate whatever she thinks is right and wrong even though it clearly interfered with my life. I had some nervous breakdowns but they no longer exist with me that much as I have learned to accept that I'm not very attractive in appearance and will try to improve upon it. That's why wearing a suit with a cool hat seems pretty cool at the court. (Hats off while the judge is entering the court.) I should really lose some additional pounds and gain some muscle without trying to be lazy about obtaining what I want.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Trauma From Anxiety

My dad has brought up a pretty interesting and sometimes depressing scenario. It's that as you get older, your mind does not get that much sharper as it used to. I remember he proposed that you should specialize in one thing to make a living off of it and be pretty much the best because that's a very good thing.

I listened briefly to Tiger Wood's interview on a sports channel- he stated that he apologized for his actions because it's what the people he let down deserved to hear and showed absolute sincere regret for his personal problems and expressed confidence over having fixed his problems through treatment. The true question in my mind is if the car accident sort of dealt with his wife being mad at him. Oh well, he stated it's a private thing and he was handling it normally. SNL made fun of Tiger Woods by making a parody sketch about him getting beaten up by his wife. It was pretty funny and interesting to watch.

Back to realizing myself, I need to hustle a little more now and rebound with all aspects of my life...

This whole issue of anxiety or nervous depression is something that I need to work on by just reading more. I think reading is curing a lot of my own things that I would call a disorder. I mean there's some good material to stay focused on. Personally, this struggle is so much greater for me that I really want to stay on the positive side of things, no matter how much people make me mad.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Ideas of Investing

Sometimes, it really bites to go to work and have no real passion for it. I mean we could literally do something just to pay the bills but if you don't really like the job and have to compromise then I think it's doing too much. I've never really heard about people needing to go to a therapist to talk about their work turmoils. I guess it may really be pretty common.

Maybe the reason why people decide to invest is because they have an ideal life-style in mind. We are all going to age someday and will have to possibly support our grandchildren financially.

I think the exciting part about investing is the idea of giving back to society. I myself have associated with many churches in the past, some were pretty bad whereas others were really uplifting and truly great! The current one that kicked me out over nothing is not so hot. I'm going to state that the church is Hope Church Ministries in Los Angeles. They feature some really small groups. The leadership there really winded up not doing well. Well, it's pretty understandable in my standpoint so they can't really get me for thinking that I am defaming them because I am stating the truth to the best of my ability.

Okay, so now that my heart is really back on fire I'll try not to mention anymore about some of the people attending that church. It just turns out that I'm only bothered by one person out of the fake, self-righteous colleagues who turned against me. I should literally be laughing about it whenever I think about it now- that's what I envision myself doing when I'm successful. I'm going to to quit talking about it on this blog now. It's time to move on to achieve greater things. Overall, laughter is such a healthy thing to do. I don't mind people laughing at me for any reason because I just grew out of it and know that some beautiful people out there would not laugh over any calamities- not like I'll take advantage like a selfish pig in a wheelchair...no no that's not me.   

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Man, I Really Hate Yelling

In my opinion, yelling is not a very appreciated thing and should be avoided as much as possible. The only incidences I see it working is if you have to alert someone from far away or if you have something positive to mention.

Since I signed up to be a baseball coach, seriously I'm going to now be coaching a league which should be a lot of fun for me.  It looks like I may have to raise my voice to direct the boys out on the field. I feel like being pretty motivational and giving it my all in helping. I don't care about the negatives that are associated with it; I just really see a lot of fun from doing it. I think habits are really hard to end and Carlos Julio just keeps on wanting to stick with his own and having pride in it.

I feel pretty sheepish from having called up Julio over and over again before he left for visiting his friends and then yelling at him. I guess I was just in the mood for not dealing with any of his bad remarks. It's pretty crazy that he's able to pick up every five minutes that I call him, after he hangs up. Instead of trying to be nice, I was being very crass and it pretty much is the same response from Julio. For my personality, with yelling so much I'm eventually going to stop because the law of economic satisfication is going to be in effect and it's going to be more costly for me to keep on yelling. If I act really nice, then it becomes a reinforcing behavior for me on a personal end. Because I acted really nice and everybody was acting really callous about the situation, by me yelling it's pretty much releasing all this stored energy inside me and forcing them to accept my condition. Overall, they don't really come out as looking like great friends but I'm personally really bothered by it and need to confront them about their behavior in the past. The present situation looks like the same as the past situation for me; that's why I'm yelling. I don't plan on having anything long-term with them now; it's about time to force control to go in my direction and leave behind animosity, violence, and stupidity. 

Friday, March 19, 2010

Life In The Gym

Sometimes, in the middle choices become easier to deal with when you relax and focus objectively on what the other person is feeling. I currently really have this state of mind now and seriously can deal with the other people's dumb decisions with me now. I'm ready to move on and feel like condoning every action  while knowing that what they have done as a person but some evil acts of desperation appear to be more stupid than I thought. These people are the ones I talked about- the group that's small enough for me to be able to name them individually. It's a good thing, I'm not bothered by 100s of people because I would be so baffled then and be like okay, status quo is in effect and that I should seriously live a good one in observance to God. Wait these people are religious and it seems like I'm in the borderline right now and proving they were pretty nutty about something.

It's a good thing I'm laughing about it and making yourself stable when you are angry inside is not really that hard than you think- that's what I was going through. I really need to just relax and enjoy the clear blue sky and the beaches that are around here and also a walk in the park. I don't really feel like being paparazzi too and these impulsive feelings were just my hypochondriac thoughts. They, the religious people who did not know what they were doing, were somewhere else outside the ballpark when it all occurred.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Love and Relationships

I'm pretty much writing about a topic that is really broad and that whatever I decide to put in here, it may not even be that significant. I'm just going to reflect on what I know here and seriously test out the waters with this post. I'm also going to reflect a little comfortably on what I really need to state here.

Overall, I think pornography will really contribute to killing your desires of having a normal sex life and furthermore, cloud your mind into accepting fornication. I don't think it's really that appropriate to talk about my sexual struggles on this blog here, as of yet.

About writing about Annie, Betty, Chai, Christopher Kuch, Darunee Lee, Golf, and Jarred Taing, it's pretty crazy that I typed away with that and tried to be honest to the best of my ability. With Washington, I went through a really sensitive time and have managed to get over his nastiness now. I knew that I was missing somewhere in my mannerism; I was just lacking and trying to force myself to look down upon my own self. It's just too hard for me to do it and I just started getting all worked up and would yell at this one guy who would bother me with his statements. He even bothers his own twin brother and seriously agitates his family sometimes, just by making ridiculous statements. In other words, I guess he's just really self-absorbed and does not want to be humble about some situations.  I personally think laughter is very good in that case and just being a little persistent to the best of your ability. I think those guys I wrote about might really be lacking in something and that's why they acted so weird about something. They did make a big deal out of nothing. The best decision for me would definitely be to stay out of their way and that's what I'm going to do for at least some time. I'm going to make it a surprise this time because the other times I stated that I was coming and told them to tell me not to come on the e-mail. I kept on saying that I would come just to let them know heads up but they still ended up acting really nasty.

I don't know if there's going to be any automatic denial for me to hear about. First of all, my decision is not to date Annie,  Betty, or Lee for a long-term courtship; I honestly don't really feel right about it. They did choose to block me on Facebook and chose to not even read my comments and probably threw away all the cards I wrote to them. I know that I can sometimes write pretty well even though I'm bothered and that the times they don't like it, it's just because they are just feeling overwhelmed about something and want to naturally avoid something which reflects to me a selfish nature. Maybe, I myself am selfish and I'm only saying maybe and it takes a lot of personal energy to regret that you could be wrong.

I sort of see this pattern that the path they took was really strange and they basically don't really have all that greatness in their personalities. It's like they really lack the ability to care and to be of a slightly flawless structure. It's like I could really mess with this situation a lot and even be bold and stupid while feeling so nervous and quiet and forgetting about some things I said in writing. I think in general people don't like to feel angry about something and I'm holding back on it and then sensing how some people who are seriously unhappy could be doing badly.

Overall, I don't really mind missing the good bonds that I felt and then having listened to all the laughter. I would call up Julio who was at Lee's house and hear all the laughter. Afterward, I remember how I kept on calling over and over again which was part of my angry response. What I said was not angry because I'm good at concealing my emotions and sounding like a normal person. They assume too much and too badly and it's pretty much making me laugh now and the raising and yelling of their tone is something that's making me laugh even more now and that the way they act is also starting to make me laugh underneath. Everything that they're doing is starting to make me laugh now. Hearing their laughter including Julio or feeling anything that they're doing is just not really bothering me anymore. With Julio, I guess I should work on not trying to be so bothered by him and literally laugh at his comments and then spill my own opinions. Why not? It's a free environment to laugh at offensive statements made in a circle of a guy who grew up angry about being mistreated when in actuality, he really was not bad off. Julio did talk a lot about his dad giving him problems and was accusing women in a disrespectful manner which made me really angry and made me want to deck him at times. My opinions have to be stated with me acknowledging that I'm uncomfortable about being angry and that I need to just state things to create a peaceful environment. Things may be so boring afterward, but it's a really good thing to do. I've really grown up with this situation and think I could just lead all of them. Supposedly, Julio may actually be someone I am called to preach to. I guess I'm old enough to reflect the stupidity of staying stressed out or angry over something that I know I'll forget about and those feelings are not enough for me to try to pass a restraining order as Lee did with me.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Happy St. Patrick's Day


I guess my plan is to really finish off the certifications to get in the door for becoming an I.T. professional. I think I remember hearing from someone who said that he had all this experience but wished that he had a Computer Science degree to back it up. I believe that he also mentioned having passed some exams and gained an interview to get a job.

With a situation having made me mad, I just pretty much need to deal with it and still focus even better through the distraction. I'm glad that I have a loving God to pray to and who I believe in very much. My sensitive emotions are now starting to really normalize, and I'm understanding that patience is a key part of humility and self-control. I'm conceiving that I am going to take some certification tests and ignore my mom's concerns that you don't need to study for some tests to get a job. I'm actually willing to start laughing at people's concerns for me over some things or if they are making very hyped up statements and I happen to be around to hear them.

One of my friends told me that life is all about testing and explained to me that for some jobs he had to take a test to examine his placement. When I come to think about it, all the jobs that have been hiring have required some type of testing. I think I'm going to go for a MCSA, MCSE, A+/Network+, and Cisco. They are very costly exams but with the I.T. experience that my dad will confirm for me and another exclusive organization that's helping me get my foot in the door, I stand a very high probability of making it if I go through with it. This will mean a 100 K job for me and many investment opportunities. With the money, I'm definitely imagining on tithing that amount and wow, it's going to be a lot!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Hit the road Jack!

This is a very interesting song that I think might have related to my situation just a tad. A girl who told me she had absolutely nothing against me ended up placing a restraining order on me because she thought I was coming onto girls too strongly. Man, she wrote me this funny e-mail about how I was now kicked out of a small church.

What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

This is a really beautiful song. I remember growing up and listening to it on a commercial during my elementary school years. Over 21 million hits on youtube, wow!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Funny dog costumes

I guess today I'm just getting ready to go attend a pretty good church. The church features a pretty biblical based church and really focuses on mainly teaching the Bible with fresh and inspirational and foundational insights. The Bible contains concepts that can really confound the world because of the heavy reliance of faith in Jesus that you need to possess to allow it work in your life.

For my personal life, I'm practically trying to find a long-term job that I know how to manage and then on the side do some more studying related to my passion so I could have a better quality of living.


I really appreciate the fun that's out there. I pretty much live in a much more quiet neighborhood with very good quality housing. I'm amazed by the new stuff that's being introduced in my life. I guess humor in a good sense does work out after all.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

The Stranger Effects Of Living With Kooky People

Today, I'm starting to realize that I need to start off with some traditional roots and then work my way back up the financial side of things. I think that it's wonderful to have a home where my parents worked really long hours and tried their very best and then started to make some form of living to supplement a pretty healthy middle-class family.

I feel that I climbed myself into a hole today. I really need to stop going after things that are filled with nonsense and really do things that are more worthwhile and won't really burn me out now. I feel that I really treasure my time to myself for some reason. Being a wanderer from a far-off land and then coming in to trying to situate myself, I can imagine I had some struggles but they were really good for me after all. The experiences that count the most to me have been very positive and I should be happy about those things.

I guess writing like this has become a pretty interesting hobby now, and I feel so enlightened by it. A little change to my blog is that I'm going to try to incorporate some interesting images or not so hot ones. I'm going to try at least one image now to make a little steady change. I don't what it is with me and posting funny or strange images now =). It seems pretty cool to copy some of those pictures and just post it while typing about something.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Controling Myself and Pursuing the Right Way

The troubles of living in this world are not really that bad in the U.S. All over the world, I feel that there are countless people who don't have the comforts like we do and that there's something we could do about it. Giving it my all over something that I perceive as good and love is something that comes from having passion. I should apply this with excellence and literally allow the good forces that live amongst us to influence me.

I guess this whole job factor thing has been relatively difficult to figure out. I pretty much ate up a lot of my opportunities that I found online and sometimes wish that I could go back to them. I need to move forward now and regard those opportunities that I had in the past as lost now and need to focus on what I could do now. There is no permanent damage for me on my end, and my energy level is pretty much ready to surpass anything that is inferior on the long run. My anger is something I am ready to fully control and to not let it control me. Oh well, I realize its effects and the stress that it amounts to for me but I feel that there are stuff that torment people for not being able to relax and it's pretty ideal to me for establishing a successful mindset.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A Funny Lesson To Learn

Rule Number ???- Respect peace even if it means kissing your enemy. =)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Attracting Negative Attention

I finally came to my senses to understand that everything I've done in the past to receive two restraining orders were not really that bad. My problem was that I was too fixated on panicking over losing the other people's attention to something that I had absolutely no clue over. It was in fact a procedure of harassment on their end. Next time, it's important to not to panic and to have enough confidence in wanting to do good for others =). I think it's personally great to have faith in the Bible and that the experiences that I received to really make me mad over little things is not enough to make me want to destroy the world. Anyway, they are a pretty small bunch and were pretty delusional about something (but still have jobs and act selfish normally) and possibly, the situation that you get like the interesting characters you find on a show like "Friends" don't really amass to them. I did not really lose anything and moving on to find better things out there, while still having a faith in the loving Jesus is going to be of great benefit to me. The only problem I have is not being able to go back to work, especially with the economy sort of suffering and the amount of work I could choose to go into. If I am totally qualified to work and very diligent about it, and they say I can't work because of this restraining order then there could be a problem.

I'm not a quitter though. I'm sure I could find some type of work even with this type of weird background that's been temporarily stapled on my file. I realize that a few people I came to really like there are people who I'm probably going to have to place under the trust of God to take good care. I'm pretty much going to have to adventure into a new world of extreme living under His goodness =). I'm thinking of all the fun I could have and the attractive people I could meet now. So far, all the claims that the guys who were crazy with me  (Christopher Kuch, Jarred Taing, Pastor Chai of LA Hope of God Church [only ordained pastor], and Lee [hahaha] )  have been now officially debunked in my personal file. I just hope it does not have to come down to me filing a crazy lawsuit and this thing does not tail me wherever I go.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Restraining Order Talk

I think this whole restraining order talk is actually interesting quite a bit of people, so I will intentionally talk about the escalated procedures that happened with me not really doing much to obtain it. The people who desired it with me don't really have that much backing as I thought they would.

So one day, I wrote something and said that Annie Tran did a lot of shopping and placed herself on debt and that I eavesdropped on it. I was just joking around about women loving to shop of course. I think it would be honestly a little weird if women did not do a lot of shopping and I don't think there's anything wrong with that type of guilty pleasure every once in awhile. I actually condoned that type of behavior and then I received a message from Jarred Taing that I should not eavesdrop. Well, unfortunately I had sat next to a friend so I could not help but listen on to her conversation with him. Haha.

I then sensed that Betty Lam was acting a little antagonistic with me. I had received some of her complaints to stop emailing her over something. She was the only one who seriously asked me to take her off my e-mailing list. Everybody else seemed to be condoning my type of writing in some way. I then thought a nice thing to do while being under a panicked state would be to state that I was going to pursue after her. Christopher Kuch then told me that it was a type of stalker-like behavior. It would not be stalker behavior because they still allowed me to be around Betty at the time I had wrote it. I also received confrontations from Betty personally so I don't think she's not that uncomfortable being around me. All my good friends have been like "What?" when they hear that I got kicked out of a small church because they felt I was coming on to strongly with girls.

To try to offset this accusation, in my time of panic, I wrote a poem that basically said that Annie and Betty were unattractive. This is actually something they took so seriously. Basically, I was still chasing after Betty. It's not like I could never change my mind about Betty not being attractive. I don't really get it. You can only chase after one girl the most and what if I had decided to switch over to Annie by fate? They did something really big to damage their own reputations. I have been doing okay and feeling really pestered about the situation at the same time.

Another time, a friend had been turned down by a girl and then he became pretty out of control about the situation. He had asked me to proofread some of his writing and I became really angry when I read about how he wanted to defame this girl with her decision. Okay, with Annie and Betty deciding to not put me on their facebook; it made me mad underneath because I did not know what it was all about and so many bad interpretations were going around that were based on dishonesty. Their decision was pretty much influencing an escalation and they were still not doing much about it. I was trying my best to be friendly with Annie and Betty without yelling at them. Why would I want to yell at some girls if I'm supposedly in the right mind to chase after them? I wrote that they are not that pretty but still I was technically chasing after them. I had to choose one or the other, so pretty could be an overrated or underrated word that could not be so serious.

So Jarred Taing then told me that this friend's feelings were hurt and blamed me for it and then started yelling at me. I'm actually a lot better at yelling at people in general so I dismissed Jarred's comments. I have not really yelled at Jarred to the maximum point and I won't ever do it. I figure that it's better to understand the human side of things and to allow things to happen. I figure that Jarred could pretty much still function by not wanting to be the way he was anymore, and this is the same with Christopher, Annie, Betty, Chai, and Golf. I cannot mention any details about another girl because she's the one who put a restraining order on me. I showed up to court but then my lawyer told me to submit to the court which was the best decision so I went along with it. At the end of the judge's decision, I was pretty much banging on my head with the table because I figured that I could have not used a lawyer's expertise and personally get it out by myself. I knew I always got along with Lee, who put it on me. She was really misled by the situation and overall, it was the use of dishonesty on their end. Carlos Julio, the person I drove to the place and introduced them, a person who I tried to help and bought food would end up backstabbing me by attacking me blatantly while noticing that I was running away from Jarred and Chris. Why would Julio want to prevent me from coming in if I was not really being that violent? When Julio was violent with me, what's even worse is that I did not retaliate back physically even though I could have legitimately. These signs show that the decisions might actually belong to me and I may actually have a huge factor with influencing any outcome that I really need now without ever having been a huge bother.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I have a food for thought idea

With this whole job situation thing, I'm personally doing it because I feel that there's a positive return out of it. You make some money and can use that as a natural allowance which is pretty nice. I remember a friend who worked as a park ranger and babysat kids. I would remember being around him and then he would start yelling at the kids saying don't do this and don't do that which was pretty cold but I ignored it. Now that I think about it, that's pretty funny to laugh about and even share. Those kids must have been pretty pesky with my friend. Haha.

One of my personal disappointments right now is that I hate being late to work not that I did it so much to get fired. Haha. I have no job right now and it's not because I was super late to work all the time. Sure? Right? Oh my gosh, I was so smart and still am pretty smart. Do I really need help? I'm an adult now and it's so easy for me to get screwed over if I don't speak up. I did speak up to the best of my ability while trying to be nice but afterward, all the thoughts that I have are like it's not really so bad after all.

Feeling Disappointed Coming To A Small Church

It's amazing that I've been to a pretty large church that's really so brought up in the ways of the Bible. The teaching that is coordinated is really inspired from the pages of the Bible and is taught verse by verse, so all those verses that you don't really understand are also talked about. To be able to listen to the message at this large environment, it's so refreshing to receive.

What needs do God have in store for me to receive? Looks like my life has really been revolved around trying to retire early so I could play more with other difficult stuff like kayaking, sky diving, surfing, snow boarding, and other stuff. I'm a short guy so that's going to be talked about with me and that's something I'm going to have to understand. I'm still trying to make myself grow taller after all these years I've heard that nothing can be done about it. Haha.

Perhaps, the right decision does not always feel right in the beginning. Maybe there are too many what ifs that cause us to be distracted from the way to really live. Maybe sometimes the right thought you feel is not always going to turn out the way you expected. It might be from just wanting to do something bad =) but I'll still love you. I think I should try seeking out some social groups instead of help with what this one small group recommended for me in a psychotic manner haha! I was not really doing anything but in the end they caused a lot of damage to me and possibly affected themselves as well. They really had misrepresentations all around the situation and need some comforting by me. I think I'm the only one who could make this thing all right and that no one else could. Overall, the end of the world looks to be approaching but I'm still going to try my best to live a good one.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Okay

I'm going to quit playing poker for money forever now. I was going good with it but I broke even again ultimately so I need to tell myself to stop wasting time and doing something more worthwhile now. I lost no money really from playing poker but I wasted time so for now on I'm going to tell myself to stop playing poker and find something else to do.

I pretty much need to find a job again that's a little more stable and something I would not have problems managing and then I should pretty much be set then. So right now, while I wait for looking for jobs during the weekend I should just work on doing more worthwhile things. That should pretty much make everything a little more improved then. No matter how bored the situation gets or no matter what, I'm going to find something better to do than play poker now.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Poker Mania

I'm finding out that poker is more of a risky adventure if you go high stakes with it. It's probably not a good idea to get involved with the game unless you can really make those very expensive gambles and not feel bad for putting all your effort and luck in some cards. I guess some people are just really good at the game or also have a knack of when to stick around or to fold em'.

For me, I'm trying to play the most conservative I can with this card game and I'm finding out that my options are more about having a skilled mentality in the game while mixing in reasonable calls, raises, and bluffs to get the most of the outcome. In an idealistic setting, I feel that putting all my marbles into poker would be a horrible decision for me.

What I've been playing is fixed limit Omaha Hi/Lo tables, with some new updates coming into play, I can expect to profit about four times the biggest blinds in an hour. For example, in a 25/50 fixed game I will shell about 200 in an hour if I play my tested strategies. However, the risk factor is that people suffer losses too and the losses for me could be losing 200 at any moment of the session so let's say within the first half hour. If you treat everyone as equal players, then I believe that my playing a lot at the high tables ($750/$1500) would not be a really good call for me.  

There are other options where I could knock for more sure money and seriously use it for the good of God's purposes. Like for instance, I could go under the wing of organizations that have already made it big and then get compensated for putting in my hours for them. I'm making a living somewhat then and not being so depressed about moving up the ladder. I believe that I might have the determination to reach a high income and to also enjoy a pretty stable and hopefully pretty romantic relationship with a woman I wouldn't mind calling my soul mate and still trying to be a pretty nice guy =)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Converted Steam into Positive Energy

Relax baby...haha just relax, take it easy, and take that ball to the hole nice and easy...just tap it in...hahaha I got that line from Happy Gilmore. It's not really considered to be a masterpiece to the big movie critics but it was sort of funny for me to laugh at while growing up. Billy Madison was also another funny story too and then some people talk about Dumb and Dumber still. Okay, what a movie to consider it to be your favorite. It honestly has a lot of gags that I'm sure guys would understand.

So this whole essence of taking this whole disruptive energy that's inside you and you want to state it was generated by people who do weird and unexplainable stuff to you that really ticks you off and turning it into being a more successful and cool person is not really that bad when you think about it. Being a pretty interesting guy at times, I learned to harness the energy to get these weird people to back off and out of my life but I learned that there's a more healthier way of doing it. By certainly knowing deep underneath me and being satisfied with what I possess, I can still be a clever dude and be nice at the same time. =)

I mean facing the devil before the end of the world or being hung by terrorists or anything mean and unusual is something I would like to battle so I'll do my part to the best that I can while looking out for others around me too to the best of my ability and also praying about it because I need some divine help, along with all the effort that I'm trying to put in. I want to help by putting at least a little money to help an organization stop human trafficking which I am definitely against. 

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

What I said to Betty

I called up Betty right now. She sounded happy and in a good mood. Really pretty underneath, in my opinion. She was stressing with me about something. In case Betty or somebody is interested in hearing what I said, I told her that she could have asked me to clarify and that why would she talk about putting a restraining order on me? I then hung up. I said it so fast, to create an illusion that I said something simple and really well. Well, just so fast and to create a little laughter with the third party and me and possibly with herself.

I guess Betty is really attractive now that I think about it. Hehe. I can look at it as being good in that she was really agitated with me about something. Wow, I made a mistake with my own emotions. I was going some place and leaving the goods behind. I think Betty is a really good person underneath and just felt really tormented about something. This has never happened to me before and it's been a privileged experience for me. Just imagine, you do something to make a pretty girl mad at you and you're just like whatever and then you start caring thinking about her heart towards you. I'm personally glad to have known Betty and for all her charitable deeds. I think she deserves a high class high-five and what's even better is that this vexing guy does not bother me about chasing after Betty- he has a special interest for some other girl who thinks I'm something and just keeps talking about it. Well, if you read the other posts you may find out what I mean. No offense to Annie Tran or any of the sisters I can't really mention- just one of course haha.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Free Time Goals

With the 6 to 2:30 pm window set aside and knowing that I'm going to have some personal flaws to deal with, I guess with the free time that I have I'm pretty much going to set out to be around other people. I don't really feel that bored being around people and it seems to be pretty cool for me. Some of the people I have been around don't really deserve to be around others but they are still human and even though I want to count them as enemies, I should still treat them with love. Maybe for Julio, I should just treat him out because I only want to be giving and then deal with his annoyances naturally. It's a good thing we are never going to get married or anything haha. I sort of like not taking him out to places right now because of all the annoyances he placed with me. Maybe I should just inform him what I could handle while knowing I hold more money than him. haha.

With other goals, I know that I'm a little short so I want to see if I can still boost my body in growth a little more. A friend told me that I could have surgery to get taller but than I don't really want to become that desperate like some insecure individuals going in to get worked on surgically. I would like to feel really healthy in general with my own body and I think that's going to take a lot of research and taking personal notes and really reading up on different things. I also want to have fun learning self-defense and beating the snot out of myself with all those sparring pads on me- pretty fun but tiresome. Maybe I'll get a second degree black belt and then be an assistant instructor and then consensually touch people's arms and elbows haha.

6 to 2:30 Work Hours

A 6 to 2:30 pm time of work is probably considered to be so early for a lot of people but I think it's pretty cool because I'll get to beat the rush hour traffic. Since I currently am self-employed with two restraining orders that don't really count to me because I have proof that they were delusional about stuff, I'm going to just move on now with all that nonsense which made me really angry inside. I didn't blow up and wish that I could but life is moving fairly rapidly for me because I have other things that I have a calling to accomplish.

Because I work on my own, I'm pretty much going to schedule all my self-employed work to be done on a 6 to 2:30 pm window and then afterward, I will have free time to do what I want to do. Because it's really hard for me to be consistent, I'm just going to have accept that fact and be committed to the things that I want to accomplish as like a goal. I'm going to have to just push myself to move forward still and allow time to let me pick up on different tools.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

1 out of 6 Have A Mental Disease

I personally have had trouble letting out some very bad personal things about my life because I just have not been wanting to expose the terrible mistakes that I made or the influences that I was a part of. Now that I think about it, it sort of makes me want to feel really sad talking about my horrible past. I guess with my faith growing stronger in the Lord, I think I can share some things about myself and to allow the Holy Spirit to bring me comfort.

I have trouble being very consistent in the beginning. It's one of my downfalls because I give it my all but don't seem to find it initially and need some additional time to be worked on. From trying to be a truck driver to pay off my debt, I drove a truck which is considered to be a very dangerous vehicle to some people and seem to be intimidating. I had trouble improving on the stick shift so I just bargained that I would get some additional road time in to work on it before going for a Class A Road test. I found out that talking to my training buddies and getting information really helped me to succeed in doing some difficult tasks in a fast period of time. Basically, being helped in learning the material really helped me put the stuff together personally and it made me succeed a lot faster. I guess I can do pretty well in study groups then.

What I really need to work on is consistency and to have patience in whatever I am doing. This patience needs to be translated to waiting on the Lord and asking for His guidance and comfort. Growing up, I was diagnosed with bipolar disease because I heard a lot of disruptive voices in my head and it really annoyed me a lot and stressed me out so much. Those voices in my head that sounded real like someone yelling through a tunnel would depress me when it was a negative thought or make me happy when it was positive. My symptoms ended right away through being fortunate and by having the Lord on my side, I was cured and have found relief. The medication I took for only a month really worried my mom and she got me off of it once I showed signs of relief and comfort to her. I was prescribed Risperodol and Prozac. I now hear some comments about Zoloft, but yeah I think I contributed to a highly successful case with Prozac for other patients. I don't recommend seeing a psychiatrist right away if you have very irritating symptoms. So when some of the misled and delusional girls told me to go see a psychiatrist, I think they said that because I was irritating them too much in an absolute crazy way that's never really been heard of and I don't think that's a smart choice for me to go see one just because they act so persistent and passionate about me getting help while sounding pretty agitated about something. Being agitated and trying to recommend me to something especially if you are a woman does not seem to make a breakthrough connection for me. 

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Kinda Crazy

I actually noticed that when Washington put a restraining order on me, he still would read my blog posts until I took it down. I then took him to court to get the restraining order off but the judge said that he couldn't do it. I then saw Washington around and even managed to say a word to him while he was smiling at me HAHA and I even touched his shoulder. I remember he was hanging out with Pete at the bowling alley, but when I saw him I was so mad underneath that I did not even say a word to him at the time. I can't believe that I made contact with Washington without being so shy when I saw him show up to a bowling alley which was supposedly the care group. So yeah, I did actually talk to him and it looked like we were getting along. The clerk at the court had said that I could get a restraining order removed if I showed up with Washington and we both signed a paper to get it removed. This is really crazy that a restraining order may not be so bad after all.

I have researched on the civil restraining order because it's been bugging me a lot. I then noticed these words "It's not a really serious court document but can have some serious ramifications." I did know what that meant at the time but it still bugged me a lot. I now understand what it means, as long as I hold to the court's legal proceedings then I avoid being in a whole heck of a lot of trouble. I do not have any problems with that, so it's basically showing to the party who placed it on me that I can actually live up to the restraining order. I could probably force it to end sooner but I don't really think that I need to. I'm seriously a step ahead now and will not hesitate to finish I needed to end a long time ago sooner or later after the restraining order is over. Whether my image is bad with them or not, I just need to be able handle things like a man now. I'm just going to be natural about things and if I get in trouble for it then well, I hope the Lord shows me mercy. 

Friday, February 26, 2010

Alrite let's get this feeling out

I think a pastor of a small church, Hope Church LA which is located in Al Hambra, CA is displaying the characteristics of a coward. This guy's name is Chai so if you see this pretty mellowed out face and might be worn out with having three sons and seems to have messages that are a little hard to pick up on me (my own opinion personally because of the distractions I felt with him) then maybe he might come up to say hi to you or maybe not.

Man, my mom sort of hates Chai right now. Yeah, what's a world without a mother placing full support over a son who can be a smart allelic when it comes to dealing with a stupid restraining order (it does not talk) and harassment by simply yelling at them but chooses not to. I guess I was living too much out of fear and did not raise my voice any sooner so that they could listen to my low-tone crooning voice. That's funny because a high-pitched sound travels better physically than a low-tone so it's like when I was trying to talk normally they really were not paying attention to me. When I yelled, they really heard me and just pretty much went "Okay" and then smile or act weird or something. I seriously hate yelling but when you are in a lot of stupid harassment and a restraining order and some people just can't hear you because they are trying to talk over you, you need to step up your voice a little sometimes or just feel like you are way better than them and move on with your life. I'm trying to be humble here in a very gray area which is not so cut and dry. 

My experiences with job hunting

I was absolutely worried that a restraining order would keep me from finding a job. Man, I don't know what I did to really deserve harassment by Officer Hyunh and his hispanic partner, along with a care group at a small church.

I've been messaging the pastor a lot and I have to admit that I'm not trying to harass him. I'm just trying to be honest about it and it looks like when I raise my voice or show that anticipated aggravation, they pretty much relent. So this means that I am literally going to have to talk to Annie Tran eventually to fully complete the process.

I just did not get any agreement with Annie but I did manage to call up Betty who acted worse and supposedly confirmed by Julio about some situation that I don't even know about. It must be related to some detail in my writing that made them feel depressed. I guess if girls have that type of self-motivation problem then it might be even more painful and stressful to try to stick around them to be of good cheer and help. I think sticking to the truth even though I'm really mad at them over something so little and just repetitiously stating that I want to be good to them and love them is enough to end up being at base, just a friend.

I don't really mind that position. I never fully made it in my head to try to date Annie or Betty because I totally believe in the act of free will and I also have had some strong attractions for another decent woman who I will never name, just to be respectful and not single her out. I pretty much have an utmost desire to enjoy a monotonous relationship with the most beautiful woman on the planet for me.

I can't wait to face Julio

Haha. I'm making a very personalized journal of mine into a very public thing. It's like I have nothing on me that's going to be that useful just that I'm using this to communicate very quietly with strangers who I want to be friends with and try to show consideration for who I really am.

I'm obviously at first glance going to have some posts that are very uncomfortable with me. I'm still going to proceed with being honest about the situation. My real mantra in life when it comes to talking bad about others is to be honest about it to the best of my ability and not be like in a hopeless mood and then make absurd claims that I have to give up on them. I mean if they make some bad decisions then the consequences might be BOOM BOOM or end up in jail but I don't think I'll be supportive of them making those types of decisions and will try to negotiable even if they are terrorists. I'm not going to let them hold people hostage or escape for their crimes but I will surely give them a form of love just to show that humanity can care under the power of God.

So I will be fully honest and avoid negative slurs and also avoid using foul language and maybe at times cover it up while using good vocabulary to get practically the same meaning and a little more across in a good fashioned and down to earth method. That would be pretty cool to be blog about and enjoy myself doing then.

Let's Start With ME

I don't like calling this a ME blog but that's what it practically must be. I keep getting details in my head that I have to filter out, like these bad thoughts that are a part of me that I don't want to let out just to observe self-control and confidence to the best of my ability. I guess I can relate to somebody and listen to their funny comments or be very supportive and hoping for them.

I'm going to writing about how I feel in the process and will be highly honest about the situation. Whatever takes me out of contention for the presidency or a leadership in the future is something I will gain through respect for others, repertoire, a lot of experience, and basically knowing that I'll be the best at the job.
I guess I'm writing about other people with their names attached to it. This makes it very bad to begin with because my comments are on here and to a great degree I've made some progress to be a step ahead of the bad incident and that the little marginal advantage is pretty much enough to satisfy me and make me move on. I keep getting reminders with Julio who I practically drove to get trained to work, tried to help him on getting a modeling career haha, introduced him to people who he calls friends (very shaky understandings), and just practically comes across as being pretty insane to me.

Julio pretty much comes up to me and starts talking about Chris Kuch, how good-looking or sometimes ill-mannered Annie Tran is, and how he has support from the majority of the people at a care group. I've heard the saying that it's not really a care group if they threw you out of the group even if you were displaying very problematic emotions or actions. So almost everybody has laughed at me which I seriously don't mind when I state that I got kicked out of a small church. They ask me what I did and my reply is, I'm not so sure.

They basically said to do something and I did not live up to it with full expectations and then they took legal precautions by trying to cover up a form of harassment with me. I was pretty enraged most of the time with the replies I was getting because it was so frustrating not to get the divine answers that they so claimed to have. What I mean by "Divine answers" is that they claimed to be leaders ordained by God and that they knew what was best for me. By some of them stating that I needed to find professional help, the view pretty much does not hold.

I actually don't mind Julio talking to me about it anymore. Because I'm a step ahead now and have some satiable actions under my belt, I feel like reminiscing over refutable actions that I did to not be bothered by Julio's stupid accusations.

Oops

I have practically gone without a week of typing stuff on this blog. I guess I've been pretty inward the whole time because I have been wanting to keep my life a secret. I guess being so open about bad stuff makes me pretty uncomfortable. I might as well just be blunt and then if there's something wrong with me, then let the caring professionals convince me through analytical details the problems that I have and recommend me some paths that I should take. I think some people make a living off of that and some really enjoy the rewarding challenges of investing a bit of their energy into helping or mentoring people.

I find it to be very difficult on the topic of mentoring people. I just don't see it working for me all the time. It takes a lot of patience but sometimes I feel like I'm dealt with some people who are just not really that appealing and causing more problems for me, like they won't really communicate at a level I personally have a demand for. Maybe, I'm not really cut out to be a coach. I'm going to have to deal with a lot of stuff but I think there's some fun that could come out of literally having a passion for the game and just getting to relax at times.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Some changes need to be made

I've managed to expose the weak frustrated characters of different people now. The majority of people in this world do not seem to mind me. I know how to deal with these few amount of people now. I seriously know now and feel very confident about it. I'm not so nervous or scared about it anymore. You know what, I refuse to be so angry about it too now. I refuse to be very mad to the point that I break my own home's windows with a baseball and excuse myself by saying that I'm an aspiring pitcher. I refuse to be so angry to the point of playing golf in my house and not caring if it travels to hit my old china plates. I refuse to let it get to me now. I refuse in all those things now. I just plainly refuse to lie about stuff too. I refuse to hide the truth and not let it out. I refuse now to be a bad person on rare occasions.  

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Dog Fight

My friend has three dogs- two dachsunds and a chubby small terrier. They look so cute, unfortunately, two of the dogs are male and the other is a new comer- a female. The two male dogs are fighting each other over the female. It's so funny because one of the male dogs is very gentle and won't bite and be very docile with everybody. He will whimper for attention. He then starts fighting the other male dog who is the more aggressive dog and ends up beating the snot out of it. It's so funny the chubby small dog just keeps growling and then attacks the dachsund and pins it. My friend told me they fight over the female dog- over who gets to keep her. It's all about the hormones I think. The chubby small dog will forget about fighting when he is at a distance of not seeing the female dog. It's so interesting that all of them are not even fixed, and the female dog has not ever been impregnated. I think the male dogs are too old now and just trying to settle a score of whose the better dog at winning the female dog's attention.

What do I really need to do?

I shared very honestly about my restraining order that was placed on me. I finally understand the neglect that was part of it. I feel that by me not even trying to talk to the other person was more of a neglect because I would think about them rotting temporarily and then I would not be in trouble for bothering other people who were harassing me then right? Wrong, they justified themselves enough to hammer me but they did not leave out the harassing part with me. Harassment can actually be a pretty serious violation; well, if you need the money like I do right now which I would want to obtain with a job and then their harassment led to them calling the cops on you and then you don't even enter jail and then it prohibits you from getting a job, then I think that constitutes to a pretty justifiable law suit against them.

Once again, I have proven that they are wrong about it. I have it underneath me to really get out of these situations and I can utilize my desires very well while trying to be a pretty charitable guy. I think what I could do is obtain just about anything, but I don't want to be selfish about it. I have this confidence now even though I'm short to get whatever I need to get going. It's going to take me a lot of painstaking effort and time, but I don't mind giving it some worthwhile management now. I pretty much know what makes me a jerk and now I can pick it up for myself. The only thing that I feel is the most worthwhile of my whole entire life is spending an eternity worshiping a loving God who created me and experiencing His kindness with me.

What I really missed in life was that people can sometimes be dealing with a hard time that they don't want to relate with you but unfortunately had it fall upon them and it does relate with you and then harass you while they are replying to you and that means there's something that needs to be done to fix it.

I felt really harassed by Washington when he e-mailed back replies because I felt they were pretty enraging. He did not know that he was doing something wrong with me. I kept it hidden from him because I wanted to symbolize being a guy who was not going to complain about it. I then became fed up when he started talking behind a person's back because I felt he was just being full of it. I then wrote a blog post stating how his dad died of cancer and that he must have been stupid for leaving the family to come here. I was sort of joking of course but Washington just could not handle it. I wrote that comment because I wanted to show a little respect to him while curing myself of having to feel angry with Washington.

All my comments were about curing myself by inducing a little laughter to myself inwardly without having to fully make any sense so that I would be cured from feelings of animosity over feeling harassed by an individual. It happened to say that they tried to get rid of me but sort of lost a little bit of themselves in the process. I'm definitely not some guy you just trash talk in the back and then leave behind. I'm someone who can be more than just mistaken for and possibly liked a little better in the end and that can cause a personal ruckus with anybody who was mad at me.

The only fault I had was that I lacked some precision in what I was trying to communicate- that's it! I finally get it.

Another Blog post

I really like writing on this blog to practically talk about nothing. It's just cool to waste a little time. I haven't had so much time to go on this blog and to be very active about the situation. I guess I'm losing a lot of time to blog. I think I may even have to go on a blog posting binge one day just to see the junk that I'm typing up. I may even break each post into just one paragraph just to be funny. Okay I'm just going to talk about anything now and I see that I'm not about going out to commit nasty crimes to hurt myself. Yeah, I could pretend I'm robbing myself and then change into a hypochondriac one day. I think I'll actually pass on that. I was just joking inside of course.

Okay time to write some more. Maybe I could write some good poetry that's easy for everyone to just overlook and be like cool and then they go do their thing. 

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I think I've hit a safe haven of writing

It looks like I have developed some sort of appropriateness in writing about anything truthful in this blog here. My style that I have developed is not absolutely perfect in any way, shape, or form. I guess I'm just writing about nothing to keep myself occupied right now.

I bought some growth supplements online awhile back and never tried them because I wanted to save them for optimal growth. I also need to get my car an oil change and also need to give it a better car wash. I guess my life is not really that exciting because I just want to be just plain ordinary about the situation. I don't believe in cursing at anyone neither do I want to be so harassing to others. Maybe that makes me pretty sensitive most of the time, but I've grown a lot of rationality that I sometimes neglected. I should really use it more often instead of just trying to rely on luck so much. It may feel so hard at times and may be like I need to get some professional help. Yeah right, I don't see it that way. I don't need any professional help. I'll be just fine worshiping God.

Am I supposed to be saying what I need to say without approaching them about it?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I have love for those who wronged me

I'm starting to feel this amazing love for those who angered me a lot in the past. Currently, there's one guy who I personally sanctioned myself to not to talk to or hang out with. I feel like we've argued so much and I've been irritated with him that I need to take things a little more cooler with him. I guess I purposed in my heart to separate myself with him for the time being now. I hope our relationship can grow stronger as a result of doing this.

I finally see that I love my little sister a lot. Despite her annoying remarks, I think they are becoming so funny to listen to now. My mom told me that it's because I'm growing up a lot now. I feel like I've not woke up to smell the coffee- that I missed so much out of this life out of wanting petty revenge over nothing. Getting back at others in a nice way may not been so evil and my method has been grown to not be so harassing but still it needs to be worked on by changing these angry feelings with love and affection.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Honestly

I'm starting to get really bored with playing poker. It's just playing cards and there's no harm in wasting a couple bucks over some harmless chatter. What I really want to do is retire early, yeah that would be pretty cool. I want to have priority in my life and constantly occupied with the good things in life. I want to have this joyful life apart from thinking so negatively about life. I really need to focus in and try super hard now. My life is so centered on me trying to break free and becoming a person who is satisfied with everything.

I want to really make things count and really be able to see the big picture on the long run. I think when I was at this small church, I was feeling a little led but not really fed with how I'm supposed to live my life. Maybe there were so many conflicting ideas to the situation that I should not really come back now. I think it's time for me to move on with my life and repent in different areas that I never really felt about before. I do still have good parents living in this household. I could probably try to spend more time with my parents and bond more closer with them. I have a little sister whose sometimes a poor sport, but still I could really love her very much.

I have friends who call me up and ask me how my life is. I should really respond and be out there and seriously make it work for me. I really need to utilize fellowship with God, really center my life on His Word, and seriously allow it to really lead me. I think my life is really centering on changing my life around to live for God now. I really need to maintain a healthy body for myself.

I have so many ideas in my head that I want to try out. I have so many that they are so hard to keep track of. I really need to discipline myself so I can reach this state of satisfaction which is creating these inventions and keeping up with my priorities.

Happy Valentine's Day

What's a blog if the major recognized events are not even written about? I've been doing this for about three years now and I've been basically writing just random stuff dealing with my life. I've been pretty blunt with myself on this blog and I'm finding out that I don't really mean any harm with anybody even if they were pretty mean with me. I guess I don't believe in being evil back with someone who was evil with me.

There are times I can really be pushy but I don't mean to be like that on a permanent basis and I never would want to be not that bad of a person. I guess writing has helped me get through some tough spots, but I'm really trying to set up and make a living for myself right now. I realize that I have some really good friends and that it's okay to deal with the fact that some people make up lies about you and then force you out of their lives. The problem I have with that is if it is affecting my job right now then I really need to counter it so I can keep working and serving others.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Winning At Poker

I have said that poker is a waste of time. I'm starting to realize that my mind is capable of winning at it. I've read up on some tricks and material on how to strategically play and used some of them. They actually work pretty well. When you play poker for a long time, the numbers and figures really matter. It's like running a business- when you know that your investments will make you a positive return it becomes a very good option.

I've been specializing in Omaha Hi/Lo because I like how you also get the option of splitting the pot with another player. It's really not bad for me because I categorize myself as a recreational player who can play well enough to just break even. Some players are negative return players and should never really return to the table. Some players are super good and make so much because they know when to bluff and can manage to find the luck of the draw and also manage their bets very well. Those players should continuously play at tables and make an earning off of it, if they really want to that is. Poker is pretty popular on the online culture these days around the world and so some make it a profession for themselves.

These are the strategies that I've found work quite well for Omaha Hi/Lo. In Omaha, it's all about your starting hands or pre-flop. Omaha plays just like Hold-em, but you play with four pocket cards instead of two. You then get dealt three cards called the flop. Players usually have five options: check, call, raise, re-raise, or fold. To be successful, all of these must be used! Then the turn card is played, after that you get the river. For a total of five cards played, you get what's called the community cards which is what everybody shares. In Hold-em, the best five card hand is made. However, in Omaha you can only use two of your four original cards and also only three of the community cards to make the best hand. If you misinterpret the rules for Omaha Hi/Lo, you may end up regretting it a lot.

I just call with some starting hands, sometimes you have to fold when people keep on re-raising because you have to sometimes believe they are holding better starting hands than you. It's also not also that bad to be the underdog but in figures it's good to not put all your money in the pot for a starting hand you know is not that good compared to the other players. As you keep playing, you may develop this sense that the player has something that works for them; there's a winning repertoire that you have to develop to win at poker. You also have to be prepared to fold the your aces because the flop did not look that good- like three hearts may symbolize someone caught their flush compared to your aces which was very good during pre-flop.

Here's my labeling X means any card, T means ten, J = jack, Q= queen, K= king, and A = ace. Your best starting hands are composed of high double suited pairs like AAKK diamonds hearts or KKQQ clubs spades. They are super good because you get two royal flush draws, two high three-of-a-kind draws, two high straight draw, two high flush draw, and so on. It will most likely add up to the most possible factors in winning the pot at preflop. It's going to be extremely rare to get these hands so it's important to not fold pretty okay hands when you could just call to check the flop. There's also a gambling factor which some people are not comfortable with because you could end up losing your pot that day. It's important to know if you are an average, good, or poor player to make a smart decision for yourself.

It's good to mathematically just minimally call with any two suited cards like two diamonds and two hearts or two clubs and two diamonds and so on. Some hands are weaker than others so you may have to fold pre-flop if it's too much to call. It's best for you to make that type of judgment. It's also good to play with double  connectors which are hands that you will give you two up and down straight draws. Like for example, you hold a A2 34 which have double connectors and then the flop gives you 5 6 3. You now have an up and down straight draw with your 3 4 because you just need a 7 or a 2 to make a straight. On the turn let's say you hit a 4 then you have an up and down with A2 but made the nut straight with 2 3. Note you can only use two of your pocket cards and only three of the community cards. Holding the nuts means that you have the best hand for winning the pot. Example you could have a nut flush if you flop it while holding the ace and something suited. Up and down straight draws are pretty good draws but sometimes you have to watch out for a flush draw like there are two hearts. I generally like nut flush draws on the flop and on the turn. If it's too much it might be best to fold unless you are willing to make that gamble. Some people crank it up so much with flush draws and sometimes it's better to manage your money for another pot because you could still be mathematically an underdog to two pairs, a set (three-of-a-kind), a straight, and so on.

I can also call a minimal raise with a starting hand that holds a possible nut flush draw with an ace like A 9 diamonds. In that case, if you flop three diamonds then you have a great possibility of playing to try to make the most return out of that hand. Someone could also call with a lower flush draw and then they may be unsuspecting of your Ace high flush.

One of the hardest to play with in my opinion is with AA XX. It's so hard to distinguish when it's good with this one because the AA is one of the strongest starting hands in poker. However, it's very common for the aces to not hold up in Omaha. When I have aces for a starting hand, I try to figure out all the combinations of the winning draws. If I see enough, then I pretty much crank up the pot and hope for the best. It does deserve to see the flop in most cases.

In Omaha Hi/Lo, it's generally agreed upon that AA2X double suited is one of the most powerful starting hands. I can also pretty much call anything with A2 pre-flop in Omaha Hi/Lo. If you play just Omaha and not with the low then you will probably never split the winning pot. Anyway, if you finished this post which is just one of my thoughts then I wish you the best of luck if you decide to try out poker. It's good to read up a lot on the subject and to be comfortable with losing some hands to people who just got the better draw. The figures do work out in the end but everybody is going to lose at poker so that's what makes poker an intriguing topic in how some people just stay on the profitable margin. I'm just someone who can break even so I just play for fun and not going to come even close to killing myself with a million dollars on the line in poker.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Road Runner Plan Turbo

The Timer Warner field guy came over today and helped me hook up the internet which is pretty fast compared to my last DSL subscription that I had at my old home. They said that if you pay about $10 more per month then you can have a faster internet connection. When I ran the download speed test, my connection came up to about 16 Mbps and upto 1 Mbps upload. That's not bad compared to what I'm used to getting. It's almost twice as faster than my previous connection. It's pretty nice even for a wireless connection. I guess the technology for the internet is getting faster and more affordable these days. I would really like to enter into a career dealing with computers and namely I'm thinking that dealing with network engineering technology would actually be a great career path for me.

For some reason, my mind just keeps getting smarter when it comes to dealing with people. I still want to retain my own personal identity and not be in the way of someone's development. I guess I will never be able to pride myself in being a jerk to someone. It's just not how I grew up; I care about it when I think I hurt someone's feelings even if it was not intentional. It was never even in my interest to do things to get a restraining order from a girl who I did not even touch or get a chance to know or even share a large portion of my life with. I'm fairly confident now that as long as I stay off her property, I'll have a great chance of getting it revoked and being able to work for a good company again. I think that she sort of liked me too and I pretty much had no problems seeing her as just an average friend. Oh well, things can go bust in life sometimes but in the end, what you learned out of it and gained something positive from it is more important than seeing the glass half-empty.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Learning Something So Extraordinary

Some people have listed me as 5' 2". Yeah, that's pretty short and when people look at my body they sometimes revel in how I don't appear that short. It's pretty cool and it does not seem to exclude you from experiencing the hardships of life with other people anymore. I have seen guys dating taller women and it seems to be a little more common now. The old traditional view of girls liking taller men does not seem to be so apparent to me anymore. Women can be more powerful, intelligent, independent, and more open these days. I mean it's nice to still be a tall, strong and rich gentlemen at the same time; there's nothing wrong with that.

I realize that it was not my yelling that made me solve my problems. I'm pretty sure that I incorporated it so often when I was angry and frustrated with someone, but that was not what really made the issue go away. It was thanks to my ingenious efforts in trying to make things work out.

Today, I'm starting to find out that there is a way out with mistrials based on lack of comprehension and commutable cohesion. What I mean is that, my random thoughts really paved a road that my heart desired. We sometimes have the ability to set our own destination and to reach there; that's why it's important to allow ourselves to come clean with our sins and to lay it out on the cross and to receive the pure joy that's found in having a relationship with our savior, Christ.

Let's get to the juicy details if you've been sticking with my allusions. I managed to call up Betty and Jarred successfully. That was pretty awesome. Yesterday, I sort of called Jarred a coward and a loner for not picking up on the message. He picked up today and sort of sounded a little sick. Poor guy, I gave him my pitch and I don't think he wants to pick up the phone anymore again now. I said everything right and laid it out from the foundations of my heart. Maybe he will pick up again if the timing seems appropriate. Jarred was forced to take in some of my comments because it was really heavy- a little blunt in a funny way but still sounded pretty forceful upon him. I think he's going to be detailing some hardships but not really revolving around me and I am not the catalyst around him.

Betty was so funny when I listened to her talk on the phone. She sounded pretty dazed and confused with me but really a little alarmed that I called her up. She was just surprised to me being able to talk to her directly on the phone. I'm going to give her some space to recover right now, but I let her know that I'm not interested in doing anything bad to her. Betty actually has a pretty voice and her physical qualities are not really that bad. Maybe I was a little unfair to her with the poem that also included Annie. I did not want to single out Annie so I added in Betty and I had identified it as a girl / boy conflict. Overall, I really love Betty a lot and I hope she can turn out better in the end. I pretty much said and did enough now to avoid a restraining order from Betty. I'm glad that I stated that I'm pursuing after Betty because I expect to learn a lot from her and possibly enjoy picking at her brain a little.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Capturing Today

I'm realizing that my head is not really all that bright all the time. I guess I have some issues with certain people because they seem to think that I was doing something, but all along it was not even in my interest to do those things. Oh well. I need to basically find a way out because it's affecting me from finding a job right now. I have called them up with a private phone that is hard to trace on a cell phone because they had blocked my original cell numbers. It's pretty cool that I'm not sharing the number with them even though I could which would be funny then because I'm sure that they would block it on their phone just because they want to be selfish about the situation.

My prayer is basically for me to get this restraining order off so that I can get a job right now. I already know that Chris, Jarred, and Betty are wrong about the situation. It's just coming up with a solution fast so that I can benefit myself and get a job to work now. I'm planning on trying to get it off to the best of my ability now.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Dilemma With Restraining Order

 My lawyer was wrong about how the Restraining Order would not prevent me from getting a job that I want right now. After going through a series of security questions, the person on the phone asked me to get it off so that they  could get me to work. I need to now show up somewhere along the lines where I need to get this restraining order off so that I could go back to work. The closest thing that I have is to go to court.

I don't really care that they still think I need to repent and all of that nonsense. I think the minority of just 7 people out of 50 over there needs to repent because they are so ignorant about life. Their church is not really that large and not really a political power. They are not really all that glamorous and all that great in their spiritual teachings. It's a little second rate because they heavily rely on not their gifts for teaching but more on being to exploring what's out there instead of really being able to receive the Spirit into their lives through the Word. Oh well!

I'm calling the 3 boys and 2 girls and including the pastor at that church to repentance. I need a job so badly now and if I don't get it. I'll be okay because in the end I know I did my best and was not violent about it.

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Truth Is Not So Bad

Okay, the truth really hurts a lot sometimes. Some people complain like the guys who kicked me out of their group. I just stated stuff in an honest manner but not really blunt enough and they still kicked me out ignoring that I was trying to be nice. Oh well. I know that by me not showing up anymore, it's going to prove that they are wrong about the situation. The people who are wrong about the situation, in my most honest opinion, are Christopher Kuch, Jarred Daniel Taing, and Betty Lam. I really don't know where they are going. I managed to sort of figure out that Annie might have liked me. Annie was part of the list who went along with the ride of Chris and Jarred. I listened to some of her likes and they have some commonalities with me. I also think that Annie is not pursued well after enough by a lot of guys because of her demeanor. Annie seems to be sort of off limits for some guys because they'd rather find someone else I guess. I think she's a little bit in the middle for me. I used to have some sexual feelings with Annie and they were really tempting me and at a point sort of aggravated me. I've felt this way with some girls before but I managed to bump it off now with Annie. Nowadays, I know who I'm really in love with and who I really want to be with.