Reading To Achieve

I'm starting to see the benefits of being an avid reader. Having grown up, I was never the type to really like books. I just wanted to be outside and play all the time with my friends and try to dominate in the sport we were playing. I think I was a perfectionist so I only cared about getting good grades because it meant getting a payday from my happy dad and I think he only gave me like $10 which was a lot to me back then. What happened was that my dad refused when I brought home one B and still had passing grades. It really disappointed me that my dad didn't live up to that promise and so I got butt hurt a lot growing up.

It was back then and felt so serious but now all of that is funny and I'm glad that reading a nice book really has its perks for me. I have grown into more of an adult, but I don't really appeal to that many because if I'm successful I don't really have my way of connecting with people on social media. It takes a lot of effort and can be stressful, so I guess losing friends on Facebook which was really annoying to me in the beginning is not such a bad thing after all. It only minimizes the amount of people who can potentially see me in a bad way, so it should really be on them and I shouldn't have to force them to stay on and only get the clarification I need from communicating with them if I get the chance.

It's not really such a big deal to me anymore, but a few people I have confronted about it have gone really out of control to the point that they started shouting and trying to make fun of me and then getting all scared because of my angry reaction to them. Of course they would be afraid of me because of the way they acted and how they would want to avoid the situation, but I kept on going to bother them with my self-righteous act. 

There's one way through all of that and from having read and analyzed all of these things in the past and studying to become a better software developer for my job which requires step-by-step logical thinking, I have realized that with communication being the key, all I really need to ask is if they can't handle me in any way, shape, or form. If they say yes, then I'm cool about dropping it. This would mean bad for them and good for me and that's the way I like it! I believe because I can become such a in your face type of person from just writing and when I can open up with all of my genius cells coming together while interacting, it just doesn't really connect to a level that would appeal so greatly to people or they just want to ignore it because it's too much but don't mind from thinking it's entertaining. It's got to be something like that. 

Basically, I think people are drawn to other inspirational people because they are so successful and not everyone gets there and can be so sad and it seems like with me being such a short guy, I can make others feel inadequate sometimes. Yet, with working on my body, finances, and spiritual attitude it really does connect well with people I'm attracted to. I'm just not attracted to the mass general people I guess, so that's why I'm comfortable with where I'm at and how generally others can respond to me. It's been cool though to get their attention for earning kudos from them only once. 

Cool Development With A Lady!!!

This one lady I get along really well with mentioned to me on text that she loves me and adores and even cares about me. We're just friends by the way and I sent her a text saying that I love her too. Awww, it's so cute right with just being friends? I know that she likes me and can say that with emphasize and even in a laughing manner while knowing it's still the truth. There's enough indication for it without me needing to ask her now.

She pretty much did something like pouring out her heart to me in one of her texts before going back to her busy life and I'm used to getting a text from her daily. I've been thinking about this since my afternoon and been wanting to write it on this post. I like her back while she's possibly dating another guy right now. She allowed me to get to first base with her and initially dragged me there a little too, but I'm still not ready to steal second.

This is actually a positive conflict for me because there's probably another two girls who could be interested in me too. You can't go wrong from mutually liking each other while still single! All of this is happening while I'm standing only 5 feet 3 and 1/4 inches! It's like the fifth dimensional wonder for me that this could happen to a short guy.

Here's my secret which isn't much because of lazy people out there- work out for the muscles and six pack abs, go for making a lot of money, and work on your personality. If these are a man's genuine goals, the man is still attractive to women while he doesn't have them. They are my genuine goals and it goes to show that living for those goals supersedes being short and makes you stand out to attractive and close female friends, which would be like the hardest for a man to ever get in a relationship with. Once a man obtains them, I believe a lot of gorgeous women out there will be interested in dating him if he wants to. However, from working on the personality, it is expected for the man to stay faithful to the beautiful woman he eventually falls in love with and marries.  

Areas I Want To Work On

I'm pretty much the underdog here because I'm making no money with this site! What I mean is that I'm willing to expose myself out there from being honest. This method isn't really popular with people because let's face it, how many out there are genuinely happy like I am?

I'm happy to be in the Lord and always even though I continue to sin and fall apart from acting stupid and thinking about sexy things and sexy stuff and doing stupid things that I think are sexy and from forgetting it and repeating the cycle over and over again. It's called the sexy and stupid cycle- no, I just made it up. Yes this area of trying to be sexy and stupid at the same time is something I need to work on. It's actually not sexy at all because I still need to work out more. I think I'll go ahead with that then and still be mindfully happy. I'm just lucky that I'm not hiring girls to date me and waste my money on them for the time being. It's just that I can get it for free and who doesn't like free?

I need to continue working on being a sexy man basically. Another area is that I have the need for speedy development with doing stuff! I don't want to sit my butt on the floor and play crazy racing games when I could build my own cobra and start leaving a venomous trace in the form of leaving a trail of fire while burning my opponents on the track. I'm not literally killing them even though it sounds like it; I'm killing their hearts and souls by killing their happiness from beating it out of them while alive!

Yeah what I would like to work on more is being a sexy man who can do a lot of stuff, so this means I'm going to need money and to keep on working out. It's a lot of hard work and I need to stop thinking about doing stupid stuff over and over again. The more I can decrease those things, the better for me. Of course, my life wouldn't be complete without finding an attractive girlfriend to marry eventually too. For now, I just have lady friends to hang with.  

Working Hard For Improvements

I'm starting to now laugh about my failures in communicating with people and them falling out with me. It's always happened to me and I know they don't think I'm cool because I made them so mad or crazy for whatever reason that I get annoyed over trying to figure out. Sometimes, I get flashbacks and imagine how it would have been like if I went swinging for the fences by punching their lights out or sitting on them with my heavy frame. If I did something like that, then I would be way out of control and even more scarier but probably funny if I tried to justify it. I could even go to prison for it. 

Beating up people in my past just for the sake of getting in trouble and appeasing my anger issues just isn't worth it. I can see why guys in movies can be called villains for how they beat up characters. There's a way to laugh in front of their faces and move on which is a lot easier. It's so much more effective and is like tearing out their hearts from using meaningful words. They would feel so helpless with you and not have anything to go with in getting you in trouble if they wanted to settle on being antagonistic. I have been pretty good at bothering people I'm mad at though and for them to be quite affected by it at times. I'm called scary for a reason behind people's backs and didn't know what they meant, but now I can get pretty good laughs about it and just say something like "Whatever stupid!" 

A lot of this has been coming to mainly acceptance and thinking through my steps. Yesterday, a buddy annoyed me again by responding to me with a dumb text message. I messaged him that he's annoying and he replied with a message that says he doesn't comprehend it fully. He's not able to see himself in a factual, third person view too well for two reasons; it's acting like a robot with no feelings. Secondly, he has too much going inside of his mind and emotions which translates to frustrations, depression, or anxiety. He pretty much said something about how he accepted it because he's better than me in some way. Okay, I'll let it slide but I'm better than him in that I'm more intelligent to be able to write about him discreetly and to also have better honesty which causes me to find acceptance and be motivated to work hard for improving myself. 

Finding Balance

Seriously, I really should start all my sentences with "Honesty, that's what it's all about!" Well, you could have honesty about everything and start hating it which will turn you into a serial killer but no I wouldn't want that now would I? I'm just talking to myself here by the way, so I must be mindful of all the visitors I'm getting which is starting to top only 50,000 visits with probably 75% of it being just me. I'm getting a kick out of reading my posts throughout the day. I have had this site for over ten years now, so that's a lot visiting going on that I don't want to sit there and count that many times now. I guess that's how I know that this site is going good for one, considering that I'm not making a dime off of this blog. I'm not going to put in any more time than I really need to, except just please myself. Yeah, this blog will serve my purposes with talking about Jesus all day, whenever I'm in the mood for that.

The most uncomfortable posts that I wrote on here and had to come to accept has been to realize that some people were acting unacceptable with me because their minds were fixated on acting stupid. Oh well, it still hurts but at least it's something I can laugh about now. I'm just going to be honest with them whenever I get the chance I guess because for me, it works better than always criticizing them which is what got them to ignore everything I write to them about and disappear without reading my messages. I can say that I realize things about them being angry and stupid and that I can be better than that for now by moving on with my own life and not worrying about it. On top of this, they haven't got me in trouble for anything and can't even do it if they wanted to, so they are just forced to ignore it. This is me being at my worst so I can clearly say on record here that they are some stupid people and everybody knows they have had hiccups now.

Honesty takes a lot of bravery to accept, and it can be all done out of love!

Making Little Strides

Right now, I'm just doing the best I can to earn a lot of money legally and then not really have to work long hours and enjoy the free time to do other side projects or go socialize to keep myself busy. I think by that time, I will be very comfortable to go on dates. For now, I'm just managing to have some good lady friends and they have mentioned that they care about me. I believe that it still might not matter even if a guy isn't born with some physically attractive qualities for getting in a stable relationship with a gorgeous woman. It's just going to probably be ten times as hard and something needs to go right which I don't know about yet.

I thought that I wasn't going to enjoy physical intimacy with the wife after doing that so many times, but I don't think now that will be the case. It's a good thing that my lustful sins haven't gone over the edge and ruined my health or finances. I'm ready to set my heart right with the Lord again and to keep working on myself.

For a short guy like me, I've been recently able to have these special occasions with women wanting to give me a chance and even expressing an interest in me. It's just being aware of the situation and persevering with anything that can be annoying. I have been able to have conversations via text with about ten different female friends this week and that still doesn't make me a player in my own books. Most of them have also initiated with me too about doing stuff with them. It's quite nice actually while being reasonably interested in marrying a beautiful lady someday and then enjoying it to my heart's content.

It really does feel a little awkward to think romantically about all these great girls who I'm friends with. I mean I still like hanging out with them for good company. Well, I guess I can just call it informal or unofficial dating with them if we had so much fun with something and it was just us two hanging out. How I want to conclude is that physical appearances do matter for a guy in the areas of where you can improve like keeping a clean, shaved face and wearing nice clothes with good sense of fashion and working out to build muscles.

Things like being short or ugly because the guy was just born like that don't really matter at all when it comes to being friends but might not be the case for a relationship. If the personality of a guy is so lovely and he stands out from being rich with a lot of muscles and very intelligent and have even worked on all those things, then yeah even if the man is still short and ugly, he's going to be seen as very attractive for dating by a lot of women. I sort of have those qualities and not there yet; I'm short, but not very ugly at all so I have something to be grateful about and to stay calm about. I've been told that I'm handsome by the girls who matter the most to me, so I guess I can feel fortunate and keep working on myself and having fun with them. I'll be rich someday and have the muscles that I want while persevering through these annoying times of not being able to find an attractive girlfriend! I'll be patient and accepting of the situation and honest; all these things really have built great relationships with these ten or more girls who are my friends and hang out with regularly.

Thinking Long Term About Relationships

I'm not mentioning any names but I have lost my physical attraction to some women as they have been getting older. The younger ladies who are popping up all of a sudden may have a better appeal in physical beauty. However, I'm not sure if I would be compatible with a very young and physically attractive lady so it looks like I might have found myself in a jam if I had married anyone I could do it with back then.

This is what I'm noticing so highly about relationships with my lady friends. They are around my age and have physical flaws from getting older and maybe sometimes not working out or just being born with a certain look that I don't like. It doesn't prevent me from still liking the majority of them because I care about them. The way I'm seeing it now is that I might be satisfied with just an average looking girl or maybe someone below average but somehow still looks cute to me.

It has got to be a part of God's intended nature for physical attraction to be what excites a man for pursuing after a woman he desires. I'm able to settle for average or even below-average and still preferably cute. It's very normal to guys. What now becomes the most important for me is their personality and if I can be compatible with them. I may have all the right stuff to be with a certain girl, but she might already be taken or just uninterested for whatever reason about me. It could even be vice versa on those rare occasions that have happened for me!

I think it's just important to not give up and keep at it with finding the best solution while working on yourself and hoping that wonderful day will come. If not, at least you tried even if the parents think you are dumb before they pass away. Hey they had a major part of putting me in this world and raising me while I was born this way and accept it! It looks like the main reason is me not being happy with my finances and I have to be the one who succeeds without my parent's help before I can have confidence to go find a girlfriend. There is a girl right now for me who may be interested even with my normal paying job that would put food on the table for just us two.

One of my buddies is too short, fat, and looks unintelligent with like some defect he was born with. He says he's been talking to a nice lady every once in awhile and trying to date her but he's never been in any committed relationship. I don't think those ladies are taking him too seriously and he appears to lack the ability to improve his appearance and make more money so he can maximize his chances with settling down with a nice woman and her family backing him. I've seen him reply back to me in a sad manner, which is an acceptable response. If he's able to keep repeating his pattern of trying to find women over again and no success, then I guess it's like being addicted to gambling. He's old enough to make his own decisions and if he can't see it for himself now, then it's tough even though I've tried to encourage him to make improvements.      

Understanding My Path In Life

Being able to pray to God and to continue working on myself has just been a natural given. I'm suffering just a little from not having what I want in life, but I don't see any problems with working hard at it and hoping for the best. What's actually really hard is just coming to an acceptance that achieving the dream may never occur. For example, my annoying buddy finally came around and admitted to me the other day via text that he's just playing Magic: the Gathering (MTG) as a hobby. MTG is a trading card game (TCG) with a slight similarity to other popular TCGs like Yu-Gi-Oh and even Pokémon from awhile ago. These games have been so popular worldwide that their respective publishing companies have hosted lucrative tournaments and attracted enough sponsors for interested pro-gamers.

My buddy has been pressing me to play a bunch of matches against him because he wants to keep on getting better at it. I broke the news to him that he annoys me too much while playing him, so it looks like he may sometimes have a bit trouble finding others whenever he has time for it. My honest opinion of his skill level wasn't pretty but I felt it was necessary for me to address because I don't like to play with him anymore and he still doesn't get it. I advised him to go play in local tournaments and accepted his passive and unintentional taunt that usually riled me up enough to play against him. Just from being straight up honest with him, it helped me keep my composure. Therefore, honesty is definitely the way to go no matter how hard, frustrating, and disappointing it's been. It's better to address it now and try to figure out something and why not go after solving it to move on with your life!    

Maybe Dating Relationship Opportunity and Strengthening Goals

I mentioned that there's this girl who I get along really well with and that she's going to be forever taken. Guess what, she broke up with her boyfriend of five plus years dating. It looks like that was pretty rough on her and she never mentioned it to me, even though all my other friends knew about it. She invited me out to an event and said to suit up and after doing that, she appeared to me in a stunning dress and told me I was her date. I thought she was playing, but it looks like she wasn't because I just didn't know she broke up. It was like weeks after that event, an annoying friend mentioned it to me via text.  

Okay, so she is available now and one of her best friends told me that her heart will melt if you cook great food. So far, she's actually enjoyed my cooking and told me to cook more even though I really didn't. I just didn't know but now I do. Our compatibility score may be through the roof as well AND and then AND and then … she's pretty smoking in appearance, too. Good thing I'm not shy with her and she's always messaged me about appreciating me a great deal even while dating the long term guy who is a great chef to her, so figures with what is bringing her misery right now.

With this whole strengthening deal with goals, I've noticed something that is very strong with bringing conviction and motivation. It's a nice perk for being a full-on believer of Christ's resurrection while Jesus was born a man and is God and wants to help us have a relationship with the Father in heaven who is also God and to bless us with the Holy Spirit which is also God. God took care of everything folks, just have to believe so I'm praying away, let me do this and that with my goals. I want to stop sinning with saying bad words while around nobody. I don't want to sin by watching people entertain us from doing activities I envy them doing and feeling stupid about it later, when I could already to do that myself while waiting for the appropriate time.

Prayer really works and it strengthens a sure-fire believer of Jesus and even gives power to accomplish all of those stressful goals he or she has in mind, while managing time properly. Along with prayer, it's important to listen or study up on the Bible too; it really goes in hand together. Lastly, it's to develop enough discipline to do the things God is mentioning in your heart. It's actually relieving to grow and realize that God's promise came through and there's no need to worry so much as usual anymore.    

Strong Work Ethic

I think one of the areas that I would love to work on is my work ethic. I naturally love to arrive on time for things even though I struggle at times for whatever reasons. Things will sometimes just take me a little longer whereas in other areas, I may be slightly faster. It's actually pretty hard for me to be on point with doing all of these little tasks and being consistent at it. This is really going to take a lot of effort for me to get them done.

There's a lot of balance with my life that I'm going after and I seriously know myself enough from spending enough time thinking about it lately. The issue that I'm having is I'm not delivering at a level of expectancy I want to be at and being consistent at it. This is really hard for me to grasp but I will never give up.

Spending Time Wisely

What's turning out to be difficult is making time for others and also spending money, so I guess it becomes a lot about priorities and there's really no right and wrong answer when it comes down to it. I guess you just have to born a certain way and also work on it to attract the people you want to be around. Time management in itself is an art and I believe a lot of is required for leading yourself to where you want to go.

Where I'm finding myself lacking is that my mind loves to wander and keeps me from being productive. I think just taking a breather and turning on the TV will pretty much cause this distraction for me as well. It's probably that I should know better but my mind is weak sometimes so I have to keep working on myself. One of the biggest obstacles for me right now is sorting through a lot of stuff that I don't really use and cutting it down while making the best use of my time. It's been taking me days to do like a complete overhaul of my life and that's still going on for me.

It Sucks But It's Funny

I think my parents are really annoying now that I think about it with them bothering me to get married! I know the type of girl I would love to marry but she really isn't around for me to date. I'm worn out with all this searching and would like to continue to work on myself and do stuff that conveniently relates to me. What I figure is also annoying is being told to marry only a specific ethnicity. If she's a beautiful person both inward and outward and close enough to the full package then that's enough said and I'm not going to care what anybody else thinks and consider myself just very lucky when the day happens!

I'm glad that I picked up on being honest with annoying people because it's keeping me from wanting to kill them! They have reasons to be afraid of me and think I'm crazy. It's because they are acting like a bunch of irritating buffoons. I would be afraid of approaching people if I kept on going off like that with others too. Just for being annoying and not being able to control themselves, they want to justify best as they can that they can do things better than others. Well, just from being honest in my approach with them, they have actually settled down in being crazy each time. I will just keep on being honest because it's working for me!

Annoying people suck and I wish I didn't have to deal with them, but they will always be around to tick me off. Grabbing a machine gun and blowing them away is too extreme for me, but maybe filing a restraining order and complaining about how I can't handle them as a person to the judge might be funny to me. It's so selfish if I go for that, but it's something to think about. The one thing I've noticed about annoying people is that they back off and then after some time passes, they try to get you again.

Being annoying to others is also funny too and so mean at the same time. I've been annoying myself so maybe it's what goes around, comes around. It's while being annoying that it's important to open up much as possible even if it stresses you out later for revealing something bad about yourself. I know this because I've had good results happen that I secretly want and it's being all love-see dove-see with everyone!

Dealing With Annoying Things

I find a lot of common things to be annoying like my parents, a friend's sibling, traffic, and being shorter than a stranger just to name a few. Learning to deal with it has never been easy but a lot of it has been coming to just accept it. I think acceptance is what some peaceful religions like Krysna and Buddhism might be trying to achieve to when it comes to beliefs that happiness comes from disassociating with too much attachment for something.

I guess what can make me so scary is if I decide to channel in all that negative energy while the person has no clue and not knowing that I'm putting on a poker face. He or she can't handle it so much if I wait too long and going to think I'm crazy. I'll just say that it's their weakness now while pointing it out and turning to laughter. It gets them to stop talking and what I was afraid of- creates a rift. I think I can come to a peaceful and quiet understanding of them without really having to engage so much after the clash, but what's really solved all of this vengeful spirit underneath me is from having just been honest. All I'm really looking for is the person to just tell me he or she can't handle it, so that would look to me as a laughable weakness and I won't have problems letting it go so much if nothing so serious like getting my hand chopped off happened. Actually, it would probably help even then if the person said something like that for forgiving him or her.

In a way, I think people hate saying sorry so if I can get them to admit they can't handle something then it looks like to me that they already dropped the ball so I don't have to push it even further. Looking at it from my perspective, I don't want to admit that I'm weak but I guess I should do so out of honesty. If the person decides to go further, then it's pretty much taking preventive action then or I guess just laughing about it eventually after having gone crazy. I think it's important that I tell a person if he or she is bothering me even after the thing happened and be like don't do that again or I'll go crazy and make you feel the same and have you admit that you can't handle something about me. It's annoying to do this also, so I guess people should be a lost cause at their own risk.

Holding Back On Purchasing

From now trying to clear up all of my installed payments, it looks like I will have to be picky about what I buy because I don't want to not use it while also having it take up space. The keywords that I'm looking at now are fun, useful, affordable, and not time-consuming. Basically, I'm looking at dealing with social media and not really trying to make a profit off of it. I think from this intention at the beginning, it doesn't appeal to that many people already, so I'm safe to always experiment and grow as an individual.

In other words, I'm going to try to finish everything I can without spending so much money. I might as well go for what's useful. My main intent will be to see my savings increase, so I can have enough to invest in things that could be profitable for me and to also feel more free with being giving to others when I'm in the mood.

Trying To Reorganize

Well, for starters it appears that my main errand over the past week has been moving things back slowly from a storage locker. It costs me $144 a month and from doing some math, I could use the extra savings for paying off my car payment and school loans which is pretty much the bulk of my monthly, fixed expenses. It appears the main thing with saving money would really come from being a DIYer which stands for do it yourself.

I'm basically looking at myself with becoming in the top 1% when it comes to success. It's pretty hard so I have a lot of listing and sorting out to do while managing my time. One of the greatest assets that I believe I have is information from surfing the web. It cuts down on a lot of trial and error instead of being afraid to chase after things while in the dark.  

Way To Use Facebook

Facebook is pretty much just expressing myself and adding lots of fun pictures and enjoying other friends' posts. I'm a confrontational and scary person for a short man and very testosterone driven with above average intelligence. It could be from actually having enough smarts if I set my mind into it that if a person acts rude and crazy, I will pick up on it eventually and they would have reason to be so scared of me, if I'm angry. I think this is the very essence why a few individuals don't want to have anything to do with me.

In a way, with them removing me as a friend because of me being so distracting to them while fearful of my antagonistic nature, I'm cutting down on interacting with more weird people! It seems like because of this common problem that I have developed, I'm not that popular on Facebook. It's a pain to figure out people and I don't want to work for them either. I would rather get along while doing something with common interests and helping them out a little along the way. Basically, I just want to form relationships with people and be a witness to my faith in the resurrection of Jesus. I talk about being a Christian to my friends and from it, I act like a normal person in the world but a few things about me is that I'm nice to strangers but have admitted that I've scared a group of Christians who really don't feel that anointed with me in studying God's Word. Actually, I've noticed only a few at that church and those people are cool with me, so it's like the people I'm cool with are great Christians; whereas the ones who acted stupid with me are not that great so I'm being very biased here and I guess it's all natural.

The problem with that church is that the ones who acted stupid with me claim to have dominion over the church! I sort of feel bad because I can't hang around with the people I'm cool with at that church anymore because of those leaders spreading negativity about me. To sort this out, I'm going to have to do a little damage control by just being an honest person. I'm just going to confront them even with the people I'm cool with around those leaders and just be like, if they can't handle me then I'll accept it now and they didn't admit it back then from having anger issues and being stupid with me. I will tell them the situation isn't serious and the people they want to use to blame me don't even go to that church anymore and never stepped up to tell me because it wasn't serious and the ones to make it a big deal were them with not much basis and being angry about something I don't care about either. There are also millions of churches out there who can do a better job than them and it's evidence because they are really small and nobody in the world really knows them. It's these spiritually led people who are encouraging more in the Spirit to go out and create more disciples and they just do it in a weird fashion that's based on their physical needs.

In conclusion with those amateur leaders being out of hand with me, I accept this could have been God's way of telling me to leave that church and find another that would accept me and to grow from there. It's like this church closed the doors on me from being stupid and it's bound to happen with weird idiots leading the way, so I guess I don't really have anything to worry about. I just want them to admit that they can't handle me and by them saying that, I will accept it and move on. This has so many funny implications against them because I'm attacking their weaknesses by choosing to walk away from them after getting them to say that they indirectly suck with being of any help to me while they are still angry with me. It's on their own grave then because they are a bunch of lost causes. I will make this move after I become a millionaire with a six pack and I choose to leave them alone for now until I have those things and then I will just be honest and ready for moving on while laughing. I'm already doing that anyway, just that I made this oath to God and it isn't illegal and it's not sinning against the Lord from confronting sinful Christian leaders of a church who don't know any better with my situation when I know it the best already.  

Situation With Girls

It looks like I have bonded closer with a lady friend's older sister. She thinks of me as an older brother and sometimes gets mad when I disagree with her and share my two cents about it. She will also introduce me as her friend to others and has laughed when one old guy asked if we are a couple. Only one person in the times we have hung out together have asked while another time, a person thought we were a couple. She and I get laughs off of it. From observing her, she admitted that she's attracted to tall, good looking Middle Eastern men. I mean I guess they are great looking and were born like that, and there's really nothing I can do about how I was born.  

On the flip side, there's a girl who has shown a bit of interest in me and I can really tell. She even told me in person that I'm hot! I was like thanks and that felt good. It looks like she would love to fool around sexually with her partner and right now she's available to date. I think she's cool with playing the role of a friend so far. I really should get around to adding her as a friend on Facebook after she requested it. I think I'll do so eventually after I delete a post on my Facebook, which is related indirectly to her! She's pretty cute and sweet. I might do okay with certain types of other women then in addition to my ideal type who is already married but I am friends with and appreciates me as well.

Well, the taller lady friend with the older sister I'm close to admitted that she likes me a lot. She even said that she wishes I was taller, so I guess that's how the normal preferences are going to be with women and I have to accept it. I think I've learned to accept how it is and let go of frustrations and since I was born a certain way, I'll just make do with what I can and go on trying to live my life from believing in and worshipping Christ's resurrection.   

  

Cutting Down Costs

It looks like a bulk of my bills are coming from paying off loans in the form of car and student loans. It would be awesome to get rid of them so I could have room to save up more money and go into doing my own investment business. Other than that, it looks like my living expenses have pretty much been about purchasing food, gas for traveling, buying useful gadgets, and for staying at a place. I still rent from my parents which really sucks because my mom is forcing me to pay up $850 a month to stay and she's only using that money for savings with her own bank account. It's implied that I'm going to get all of that back when it's time to buy my own home, but there's no guarantee.

I would rather go into my own business now so that I wouldn't have to ask for any money back from my parents and to be able to afford my own family vacation. I might just treat out my closest friends who are like family to me while not worrying so much about wasting money on them. The only thing it really has come down to is just money and I have the desire to work for a lot of it in the area of being a very smart person and doing things legally so that I can have the government off my back.

Working as my own boss and only by myself, I won't need any employee because how hard really is it to hit a button and exchange fluctuating currency rates for attempting to make profit? People think it's like gambling, but I've been working at it to find an edge and not many out there who are very serious about it except for like 99% of the small number of traders in the world losing lots of money on it! Yeah, that will scare a bunch of people from trying to make a business out of it, and I'm not even going to bother sharing my secrets with anyone because it probably won't even make any sense to them and I don't really want to teach anybody when I could just relax from enjoying the fruits of my labor. So yeah, I think being lucky after all of this hard work to get there is only fair and comes after paying your dues.

Overcoming Distractions

Yesterday, I ended up watching the World Cup and it was a delight to see the weaker team Japan give the third best team in the world a run for its money. They were up 2-0 in the 60th minute and most spectators thought they were done but at the end of the game, Belgium won 3-2! It was an excellent game to watch and very entertaining and the Japanese team was really sulking about it. After that, my mind was just on soccer and I couldn't think about my other priorities!

Yesterday, from looking at the photos of girls who were going to meetups, I was attracted to a few so I saved those events for socializing. Today, I'm not really feeling the same attraction anymore so I closed it out and not going. I'm just not feeling it and figure that I will work on myself this weekend. Honestly, I'm about playing catch up and I feel a little regret that I didn't maintain what I originally had set my mind on. If I really continue doing something similar like this for the next five years, then I'm really going to feel like a nobody.

However, it feels like I'm a natural when it comes to interacting with girls I'm great friends with. They are like a text away for hanging out and in a way, it's good for me. I actually want to improve my appearance and keep working on myself and wear decent clothing before going to hang with them. It's also fun, and I've realized that they do the same by habit. For me, it doesn't come naturally and I have to put in some effort. I guess it's good in that it keeps me in check, so I feel lucky to have a good amount of lady friends and to also hang with them and have fun socializing.

The past is done and over with. I'm figuratively only a few mouse clicks away from getting everything back in order. The only distraction I feel like I really have is my parents because as they are getting older and sometimes look more mellow, it seems like when I'm back from work, they are ready to relax and can appear to be so lazy and it's appealing to me with what they are watching too! I mean even with a roommate or maybe the wife someday, I could probably still be easily carried away if they put on a show to watch. I'm so susceptible to joining in and forgetting about what I wanted to do with myself.

Therefore, it's probably not my parent's fault that I can easily be distracted and join in with they are interested with watching at the living room. I can probably even be momentarily distracted in this outside world too. Also, my mind can play like I'm in an intriguing and dramatic world so my daydreaming could get to me. I just have some concentrated efforts that I would like to make and need to accept it's not going to be fun feeling like I'm missing out on watching something entertaining sometimes.

Researching Prowess

One of the things I lacked in the past was my knack for googling about stuff I wanted to know more about. It's probably because I was fed up with reading and had like reader's block whenever I sat there. I would just stress out and have so much anxiety because I wanted to take in everything in the quickest amount of time possible. I would sit there for four hours one page while studying Physics in my college years and I still didn't get it! My reading comprehension was that bad, so how did I get better? It took patience, learning to relax, and practice while reading up on things that interested me.

I felt this sense of agony in the past whenever I tried to read and I would get a headache. I couldn't even tell what I was writing on this blog either and totally ignored everything I wrote and just not get what I even wrote for myself! It all started coming together when I just sat there through the pains and boredom of having to read and reread the same thing over again. It doesn't bother me to do this anymore so much, but it used to from being like a hassle.

What got me reading were those catchy articles like "Top 10 Reasons" that some websites post to draw in reading victims. I became one of them and was hooked for awhile and just started reading and getting what they were talking about one day. It just came together and just happened. It's like meeting a girl and she ends up liking you and asking you out. I don't know how but it happened for me!

Now, I don't feel so pained to read up on what other people shared on the Internet. Of course, there's also YouTube for those who can't stand text. I have found that it's quite faster to look through text rather than try to pay attention to other YouTubers. I find myself zoning out unless the video is about an entertaining subject or the girl in it happens to be good looking! I guess it's all from being a natural and some just don't have those natural good looks that could help them settle with another gorgeous person. I'm just one of those born to sit in the sidelines when it comes to my looks and I've learned to accept it while continuing to work on myself. It's only because I'm short and not that successful compared to the top. It will drive you mad to compete for the top spot, so might as well just not care about being so short and let people think whatever they want because it's their own thinking, even if I disagree with it. I tend to scare away those type of negative people anyway so I might as well keep myself at peace and just accept the situation and find a good solution to work on while letting stuff just go which might not be that serious.

Winning Attitude

I think winning is all part of something a person is born with! I mean it's cool to be a guy who is born with physical traits that make girls think he's attractive. It's going to happen, but not for me probably. Well, maybe I will get some girls interested in me while just thinking about it, but I'm not really making a move on them so I'm probably never going to know how many really had an interest for me.

I really had issues with talking to taller girls in the past and this one girl was really hot and she added me as a friend on Facebook and I never said anything to her except try to check her out innocently and discretely without getting her to notice. I just glared at her whenever she walked by and never said anything, so I think that made her mad and she unfriended me.

Well, it's lesson learned in that if a physically attractive lady adds you as a friend on Facebook, she is really intent on talking to you as one probably! So with this winning attitude, I think the best I could do so far is just be friends. I'm pretty insecure and finding out at the same time for a guy like me, it's not really mattering so much because of me trying to get in shape.

I could be a short, good looking dude with a decent personality and keep working on myself and just go after making friends with more beautiful girls because that's what I like to do! My mom gets really annoyed that after all these chances I've had with cute girls, I haven't tried to form a marriage with any one of them. It's because I really haven't tried.  I've always felt it was weird to be liked for getting in a relationship, but yeah I can now see that I was a handsome lad while growing up and from being introverted, it might have drew some girls crazy for me because of my nice guy but competitive attitude.

Staying Dedicated

My week is pretty much centered on working and relaxing during the weekend. I'm going to have to be pretty serious if I want to get very good at trading and keep at it. The secret to being a millionaire trader is to continue diversifying the portfolio with more profitable investments. It's going to take one step at a time and there's really no get rich quick scheme going on. Ideally, the trick to being happy and rich is to be a position trader.

I can literally see myself getting on board with this now and practicing to make myself better. I made a promise to God to visit some idiots after I become a bloody millionaire and obtain my six pack abs! I'm going to tell them the truth and be like I don't care if they still don't want me to be around and can't let the past go, I'll let them go. I honestly want to hear them say that they can't handle me, so I can laugh in front of their faces and make my way to the exit and back to the parking lot. It's just the way it is; it can be true in that you might be just too hot to handle for someone! I totally accept it and am not crying about it like I regularly did and from used to being a moron.

Yeah, it's not hard to think like a winner and let the losers continue to walk out of your life! Oh man it feels good to finally see things for what they really are worth and not needing to message angry comments to those pathetic individuals. They are a bunch of lucky and ugly people to have some money and a family to raise. I wish I had a lot more money than they did all put together and also a beautiful family with a very attractive and loyal wife. I think that's living the life, but not everyone can obtain it. I'm getting too old to raise many, many grandchildren in the future. Maybe I could skip some years and adopt like five babies in the place of one so that I can raise them all at once and then they can call me dad while getting married and then have grandchildren to make me happy in the future! Hey, I could look forward to great grandchildren too now. There's no limit when you can openly accept things in your life, but I guess I could settle for a few kids of my own too someday. 

I'll have to wait and see but since I'm an old man, I could get away with marrying a younger lady too if I wanted to. I'll have to really think long and hard about that one but I might try to marry around the same age as me and then go for adopting while being committed to be by each other's side. 

Back to Discipline

I think it doesn't matter anymore with the length of time it's taking to get to where I want to be. I'm going to go with the flow. From having decent job hours, I could pretty much focus on trading right when I get back home and then go for working out and then finish off my day with studying the Bible or watching some training videos on how to trade. I think I'll just save hanging out with friends and cooking for special occasions. The more decisive I can be with sticking to my schedule, the better it will be for me in reaching my goal.

In addition to accepting this discipline and any negative predicament I'm in, I believe that it's fun. I'm going to have to let go of my insecurities like not having any fun wife to go out with and not having enough time to do everything I want to do. I might as well save my options to explore for fun during the weekends then. For my busy days, I'll limit it to a certain set of activities to do out of discipline and still try to enjoy it. It is after all something I truly desire to achieve and always get better at. 

Getting Distracted

I realized yesterday that after my mom told me how the South Koreans knocked out Germany from the World Cup, I spent my time reading up on comments I could Google. After doing this, I didn't get much then after and knocked out while being unable to do my daily tasks! I woke up feeling dizzy and sweaty while being just in my underwear.

I don't know if I caught a cold yet, but I do have a minor headache that's been going on all day. The vertigo might have come from being too exhausted and I'm still working today and trying to tough it out. I've been able to hang on at work so far, but when I get home, I'm just going to take a nice shower and ensure myself with having a good night's sleep. I'll just put myself to sleep while watching a video about financial trading, which still works for me.

Other than feeling bored, I do feel very privileged to have a job at my family's company and to work as a programmer. I want to make it on my own to prove to myself and anyone in the world that I can be successful with my own business plan. I'm still learning to manage and also make proper use of my time. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that I feel very healthy and able to go after putting myself in superior shape again.

Digging Myself Out of the Hole

Yesterday night, I don't remember much with what I did except that I drove home while sleepy and then after having dinner that my mom cooked, I knocked out. Living with my parents is starting to feel old only because my mom is very nosy with me sometimes. I stopped replying to some personal inquiries that my mom makes with me. I don't really feel comfortable with my mom because she's just going to go off trying to tell me what is right to her. I don't see eye to eye, and I find it too annoying so I'm just staying quiet about it.

Eventually, I will move out of this home and live on my own. It looks like my closest single friends are all in a similar situation, except for those who are married so I'm not really going to be able to room with anyone. For the time being, I will just continue working on myself until I get there. It's just how things turned out for me and I accept it. It seems like eventually becoming rich and stronger with a great body will alone attract a lot of single and pretty ladies, but I'm not sure if it would be right for me to pick one of them! I'll just go ahead and keep focusing on putting myself in that direction and worry about stuff happening as it comes up.

Getting Myself Prepared

Right now, I feel like I have a lot of time on my hands with the choices I have planned to go after. It's like a big burden has been lifted and that I'm going to have more wiggle room to finish my tasks. I guess it's while I'm still in this mindset that I shouldn't go into play mode and still be diligent. I am having fun by the way, so I guess I should leave it at that then and continue to make some more progress.

It could be just that my body is a little exhausted and wanting to rest, but I have it on overdrive right now so my energy level feels low. It could be just that feeling but I don't think it should even matter. Since I made plans, I might as well try to live up to each one of them then and see how it goes. I'm feeling really excited about getting out of work now and going onto my personal development mode.

I think I'll postpone all of my playful activities to the weekend and focus on the important stuff that connects very well with me. Last night, I did get only like two hours of good sleep because a friend kept me up while ailing about something bothering her. Hanging out with close friends is actually a priority for me and it's a very fun thing to do right after work. Today, I get to continue to do all of my other things I have in mind for doing. I haven't cooked in awhile, so maybe today could be the day that I actually prep something for tomorrow. I find that running through the list of small errands I have and completing them fast as I can really helps me stay on the go and keep it fresh with the same old routine that I'm doing.  

Finding Personal Peace With Conflicts

Honestly, I think I have been feeling this peacefulness with myself ever since I decided to stop caring about a few people who were jerks with me. The way that led me to this peaceful indifference about stuff that happened is how I'm laughing about it. I can be totally honest at the same while making fun of those past jerks in person with them and then laughing hard. I can invite them to laugh along with me! There's practically no worries for me in dealing with it now, so I personally don't care.

I'm glad that I'm free from feeling all of that crazy nonsense now and when I come to think about it, it is actually quite funny. It's sad for me though that I had to face it, but I'm okay with learning to let it go while even forgetting their faces.

Benefits of Understanding Priorities

From having sorted out the tasks with my busy life, I'm pretty excited about leaving my job to go back home and getting going with my side projects. It doesn't really feel overwhelming at all because it's just what I've been doing already plus letting my mind wander all over the place. I'm coming to an acceptance from being an adult that I'm different in my own way even though I'm lucky to have a cute friend who shares common interests with me while showing a few signs of interest with me and that we get to hang out often every week. It's not odd for me to accept now that she could end up becoming my girlfriend eventually.

The feeling is literally quite nice with not stressing that much about stuff and being on top of your own daily things to do. I don't even have TV or playing games listed anymore because I've found a bunch of other cool things to keep myself occupied. Well, I'm still going to get the craving every once in awhile to let my mind loose and zone out while having fun watching some shows, but I'm getting really used to keeping it consistent now.

Improving With Trading A Lot

For my personality type, I'm realizing that to get to the road of becoming a millionaire financial trader, it's going to require long-term trading skills. Some people enjoy the rush with quick day trading schemes, but for myself, I would rather sleep while the market is moving with volatility and profit from large moves that occurred in the market. It's pretty much not going to make much sense to people who have never traded before.

I'm just looking for reversal swings in the market and entering at that time. I will have to maintain my own trading journal someday, but for awhile, it's been about just practicing my method and trying to land on something useful that I could use.

Figured Out Personal Schedule

I have finally managed to brainstorm and simplify my personal priorities into three categories. Work days, simple errands, and weekends. Basically everything will be going on auto-pilot because I can keep in mind of my main desires on a daily basis except for my errands eventually. On my work days, I will have a set list of things to do and on the weekends, it is my free days so I'm pretty much at liberty to do whatever I want. The only thing for me then is to just keep a running list of my errands to do and check them off. It's really quite simple to sort out after having sat through this mess for awhile!

For my work days, it's limited to some things to do because I'm only going to have a few hours before I naturally put myself to bed from exhaustion. This is my list that I have been fairly consistent at keeping up with on a daily basis:

blog
trade related
nutrition cook
work out, grow taller stretches
bible
hang out with close friend / dinner or date, or necessary appointments
hair growth 

face wash

small errands

It all comes down to committing to them personally and trying to do everything on time. This is something I have been getting used to stressing out over and from being older, it's just not feeling so hard for me to be satisfied going after these tasks and focusing on them. 

Taking Proper Steps

I believe that a large portion of having fun and ending up happy will really come from investing in your personal life. Unfortunately, some people are pretty dumb like one of my buddies and he just keeps on thinking about how others are out to get him when he really isn't much of an appealing target to begin with. I guess he has psychological issues and it's mainly from him not having that much intelligence and trying to live on survival instinct so he's practically wasting energy on those thoughts when he could be placing the negative focus to build upon himself. He just can't do it and has a permanently, fixed mindset so there's really not much I can do about it, after all this time with trying to encourage him. I'm not going to be the man to change him, but I do make honest remarks with him that make me laugh and from my last comments I texted him, he's gone quiet with me!

I haven't had much close interaction with guys lately, but been with girls. I love being friends with girls! It's a proper step in my personal journey with eventually finding my ideal single girlfriend to date and marry. I just need to have the money by the time I'm actually able to land her when I'm an old man. To conclude upon the buddy, I think I just need to leave him alone for him to get so scared about his own mess that he realizes it was nothing after all, which would make him mad at himself for a second and then laugh about it silently which is what he does to himself regularly.

Planning and Executing

I believe that a large portion of being satisfied with living my days will really come from planning with all my heart and then carrying them out with all my efforts. It's all personal goals to go after and it makes me happy. It's sad that a few people became crazy with me from having anger issues because they couldn't let something that didn't even matter go. I was complaining to them about it and I'm glad I didn't follow through with getting lost in the matter about it. I would have been so emotionally carried away with it and it would have distracted me and hindered me from going after achieving my personal dreams. I'm now calm about the situation and aware of the tools I have available to dispose of their stupidity towards me! It's all about having fun and I really don't care at this point because they are imbeciles.

It's like having this charged feeling of confidence and being accepting of the past without requiring much struggles of any depressed feelings. It's quite the opposite and I feel free from the silly debacle that took me out of commission for awhile. I'm just glad that I have options now and it just doesn't matter what they decide to do in the end because I already know where I stand with them and how I will conduct myself no matter what. I'm stubborn in this area of acting morally proper while openly making honest remarks that will make them look bad now and laughing about it with others and maybe no one because I could be making fun of them too!

Honestly, I feel like what they did doesn't matter and they were just being stupid and trying to act almost cult-like with me. I wasn't joining their club and partaking in weird rituals with them, so yeah it's okay that I fell out with them and made them feel like I ripped their hearts out!  Because I didn't agree with them, they became angry and that's it.

Finding Proper Control and Balance

A few of my biggest obstacles include being pretty old at 35 and still day dreaming about stuff and laughing about things while idolizing my own self-worth which isn't much and feeling great about it! It's pretty silly to mention it but this is what I do with myself. I don't think people like hearing things about themselves that are silly from others in general and makes them mad. This is what I have a tendency of saying to people who make me mad. I'm already prepared for the worst because I've been practicing with being pretty open with myself.

At the beginning of my practice with self-awareness, I felt like crying about stuff because it felt things weren't going well for me. It's very painful and not fun but when that stage passed, I came to a better understanding of acceptance. From having this acceptance, I'm able to be honest about my perceptions with people and they end up appreciating me for telling them most of the time. I'm still friends with them to this day and even with a buddy who I embarrassed and have the potential to do a lot more of that to him.

Simplifying Tasks

Ideally I believe that blogging on here is actually part of personal growth even though I didn't realize it until this very second for sharing this thought. I think I just challenge people's comfort zones in general from being a short guy with an interesting array of thoughts that I love to express with those affected by me, negatively and positively.

One thing I'm doing is that I feel I'm delivering a bit late on schedule with everything that I'm attempting to do. Overall, I'm just connecting with myself here and this is what blogging for me is all about. What I set myself out to do with this post is to mention my tasks I have in mind with doing. However, listing it out doesn't seem that fun for me because I'm just not ready to accept it with passion and it might just leave me feeling a cold stare at them.

Work Days and Relaxing Days

I'm realizing that for my busy days I want to focus on personal growth until I'm actually there. I will worry about what to do after I get there because I already see the personal incentives for myself. I will have the confidence to live on my own with a very nice home and a lot of free time on my hands to go out and find a single girl who is my ideal type to date.

I'll just go for adopting kids then since I'm pretty old if the woman I decide to marry is too old for it by then. I think having one actual child and then adopting a few kids around the same age should be good enough to create a happy family. I don't mind raising other people's kids to be honest.

Balancing Out My Schedule

I sort of have this need to continue to work on myself. For the time being, I think I've met only one girl who I believe is my ideal type but she's married so it looks like I'm going to have wait around for another. I just really want to have fun with my time and to allow it to be an extremely rewarding experience. I'm practically a busy person just like a lot of normal working adults out there.

There's one area where I need to come to terms with and it's just not being so concerned anymore about the negativity a few people directed at me from being so crazy. I can't really say it's my fault now because it was all them not being able to accept something. I have time to resolve it on the weekend these days now for fun and to make myself happy again but I made a promise with God to make myself a millionaire and have a six pack! The six pack is a lot closer than the million dollars for me at this moment, but the path is laid out for me in how I want to go about it.

Overall, it really doesn't matter in the end and it's just something I'm doing because I'm finding it to be funny with discovering more negatives about the people who were out of it with me and to let them know about it while revealing it to others.

 

Back to Adjustments

It appears that I'm going to have to prioritize based on my needs. The toughest part for me is having to deal with some cravings of wanting to be married to a beautiful lady and enjoying the family while being well off financially. I guess I can call that a desire while I keep on aging! I feel very fortunate to now be able to see things better for what they really are and it just belongs to some intense laboring and having acceptance.

Because of my busy work schedule and my personal demands of how I want to live, I believe that I'm going to have to just run through the motion for now and labor pretty well with where I want to go in life. I'm not really going to be able to put that many hours during my busy days from expecting myself to be tired. Maybe when my schedule clears up, I'll have a better shot of managing more fun stuff to do.

Okay, so I now want to become a physically fit, financial trader who is in tune with the Bible! Yeah, it's hard but that's who I want to be for making a living. I guess the weekend which are my days that I'm off will be where I get to add on some breathing room. I'm also going to need to find a Christian fellowship eventually for myself to also grow in.    

Paying Attention To Details

Something I struggle with on a daily basis is that I forget one detail and then will go back to it right away. If I'm cleaning my room at my parent's big home then I'll be walking back and forth with moving things sometimes. While this is happening, I've learned to not stress myself out and to take it in stride. It's just been about willing myself to get tasks done and they just keep on piling up. They are pretty much all side projects that I have never been able to even get started with yet.

What I think is going to help me a lot is to just be aware of my surroundings and priorities. If I'm in the mood for entertainment, then sometimes that overtakes me before realizing that I should be getting back to my priority. I do wish to be successful though financially and to do it on my own while being able to enjoy a lot of free time. I want to be successful without having to work with anyone nor do anything illegal but just being smart and good at something. It's pretty much a skill that I will have to work for before enjoying this type of success and it just goes for anyone who wants to cross this similar path.

I had a run-in with the law a few times because of some idiots at a church who couldn't tolerate something about me that really doesn't matter. They didn't really know what it was that was bugging them about me, so they just focused on the negative energy and couldn't do much about it. They were just having trouble letting it go from being weird people and it wasn't very serious. Yeah, I guess it happens and I'm not surprised that church is actually small in numbers because not many Christian believers would probably in their right mind attend that church anyway, unless it was some calling or served some purpose of making them feel like they belonged there. I actually had the later feeling more than the first so it really hurt to get blamed for something that wasn't serious. They were terrified of me because they were going out of control and being imbeciles and of course with them suspecting me being mad at them, who really wouldn't be scared of getting killed after being really rude and crazy like that? The fact that I realize this and am able to communicate it clearly with those I'm close to now, it's been easier to make adjustments with their flaws and still have fun.

Getting Used To Hard Work

Something I learned about myself while traveling with only a girl for a whole week is that when I'm on vacation, I take a lot longer than I would while being on work days. It's like I can procrastinate by looking at stuff that will just entertain me, but not really help me out in getting things done. From realizing this thing, if I would only put in a little more effort, then it might actually be pretty fun in addition to being rewarding with seeing myself completing tasks.

I guess it's just negative energy then sometimes because I hate being all on my own. It can get a little lonely at times, but also boring because it can feel like I'm being aimless with a goal I have in mind. These are all only feelings by the way, but the end result is that it's been about coming to an acceptance with everything going on with me.

Being armed with new skills and also being pretty chill while diligent, it's pretty crazy in that I'm hanging out with ladies and they are treating me out too! They are cool friends by the way and my colleagues I've kept in touch with have been like way to go with me. I might as have fun with that because I'm still single and looking. I guess it doesn't hurt that four of the girls I regularly hang out with are single and they are also siblings with each other by pairs. It's just double the fun I guess and getting to know their personality.

They all have complemented me in my friendship with a very sweet girl I met on a meetup website. I believe that she is still taken and I don't really want any involvement there. I guess it works then to go to those meetups and enjoy company with people while doing something fun. I mean that's what it is all about really. It's really a pleasure to host meetups and even contribute to it for the better enjoyment of everybody.

Honestly, I'm so short though and have very crazy interests compared to everybody else. I'm not weird these days, so it looks like I've been better at having girls accept me rather than guys who might think I'm an oddball while being their potential competition. I'm not really playing to win against them so it's just weird how things play out sometimes. I guess it's the ones who are lucky enough to have stable relationships and trust their partners who are good to be around and those other guys who have selfish interests can just get up and walk out of my life.    

Wow, Staying Focused

During this week long excursion with an unrelated girl I'm close to and treat like family, I got to learn that I actually care for this special lady friend. She's been calling me a big brother or brother while introducing me as her friend to others and sometimes she adds that I'm like her big brother. She even added in a subtle hint that she has a soft spot for me. I don't really know what that means, but I'm cool with not asking so far. I definitely see a potential with her digging me romantically and I just think it's cool. I'm not really trying to initiate it because I still see some flaws with her that I might have to work out. She responds really well to me and we had a few arguments and she was like tired of talking to me and like didn't engage me further while labeling me as a normal person who sides with others instead of her.

Maybe because we agree with each other that we are family, we can see each other like adopted siblings but it doesn't mean that romantic potential would be limited. I mean no legal papers went into the process and we just bonded really well and she's been showing signs of being a hopeful partner to me.  Yeah, it's quite funny in a way to be really close to her and seeing those girly emotions come out of her with me. I just continue to be honest by all accounts and with all the time we spent together, it feels like we've gotten to know each other pretty well over the last year.

Been Long Gone

I went on a hiking trip with the girl who I think likes me. I now only think she may like me a little and shows a few signs of thinking I'm dreamy or something. I don't really know but it was just us two hanging out for a week while going on a trip to Canada. It just ended up with us two because it's really hard to get others who are at about our hiking level to enjoy the beautiful scenery with us. 

When my mom asked me if we ended up holding hands, I just started laughing right there. At this point of my old age at 35 and still being single, my mother no longer cares about who I marry as long as I like her. I'm honestly glad that I couldn't put the moves on some girls in the past because I might want to regret that today.

Speaking from a guy's perspective, it's nice to be single sometimes and only sometimes because I can find time to fulfill some more ambitions instead of having to dedicate myself more to spending time with a family. I mean it's not bad and I would love to have it once I've successfully fulfilled my financial dreams. 

It's only natural for people to want to start a family once they have had the best education they can get and enough money to support one. With me being old and still feeling quite young and trying to move around and build muscle while not being quite so mentally active as I used to be ten years ago, I think the only thing my mom worries about is how I'm getting too old to have kids. I'm just not that worried about having them and this bothers my mom. 

I honestly think if my mom really wanted to have grandkids then she shouldn't really have felt that I would do so and go for raising more kids. I'm also a lot shorter in height than the average even though my mom tries to say it's only a little and play it off. I accept my circumstances and it's no worries really. People in the world expect others to look a certain way and if that's something you weren't born with, then there's really nothing you can do about it. I mean it's important for attracting others but if it wasn't gifted to you, then that's really something you can't use and just have to deal with it. I'm totally okay with feeling sad about this girl who I think may like me not really showing those signs anymore and saying I'm just a brother. I just know that I care for her and want her to be happy and it's a great opportunity to me and I just feel blessed to have it. 

I mean she's not a perfect individual, and I have a pretty good idea with the type I would like to marry and she's probably around somewhere and getting picked up already by other lucky guys. I guess it's just fate then and I'll have to see where this close relationship I have with this girl ends up.   

Cool, I Think a Cute Friend Likes Me and Here's Why

I've been hanging around with this girl friend for awhile now and she's been talking about how she doesn't feel comfortable being out in the public. She talks about getting therapy for being anti-social, but she's really comfortable being around me for support. Okay, that's cool and I'm there for her because we are like family. She calls me a "friend" to other people and I just nod to them while giving a smile about it. It stings only a little because I don't have a girlfriend and she's actually pretty cute. I accept my circumstances, but lately I've been picking up on these subtle signs that she may have a romantic interest in me. It's not weird or anything, but seems all so totally natural from her end.

First of all, she holds a high standards with the girls I choose to date and a decent looking close friend of hers has expressed a little interest in me and she's just playing it off and not giving in to help us meet. It's cool because her friend has a kid while being a chill, intelligent, and pretty single mom with a boyfriend she wants to dump. I think that's nice of her to want me to not get into some complications in a relationship with a growing child and also possible ex being the father.

The biggest clue that I'm picking up on is very subtle body language. When we hang out, she's usually associating me with being so fun because that's right we do fun stuff, but that's not the deal maker. It's normal to hang out and be friends and have so much fun. It's like I'm going through the motion with her a lot and I feel bored but just give in to what she wants to do sometimes. The thing that I'm getting a glimpse of her feelings comes from possibly the way she initiates her hugs with me. When she's stressed out about something, I have noticed her giving a gentle tap. On her happy days, she will give me a full touch that feels good! Here's something I noticed- on a few days I have been not really feeling it and just being there for her because we're buddies; I've tapped her shoulder only for her to hide a frown on her face. It's very subtle and I have barely noticed it. When she has tapped my shoulder and I just gave her a high energy and positive hug, she's really embraced it.

I even have shown my appreciation for her while not really feeling that way and she responds very happily to it. Again, her body language is so subtle and I'm just tapping into the possibility that she could be interested in me romantically. I'm just cool about it! Cool! This sort of thing is happening while we are still friends and it's definitely possible for a guy and girl to go from Point A as friends and then Point XXX for marriage! I don't believe in fornication by the way and I hold to a high standard because I fear the Lord's ways and would like to honor it much as my flesh can handle and occasionally slipping with looking at naughty stuff to peak my sexual interests- umm yeah, I'm not going much further in detail because that's what I struggle with and can admit. Some guys would be openly like let it come to them, sex! I prefer to be amicable and well-behaved about it while being a patient dude. Someday I will try to perform some awesome and amazing you know with a willing and equally pleasing partner I'm married to.


 

Self Improvement

Reviewing a little from what I can remember with the last post about renewing the mind, I believe that in order for a person to come across with success, he or she needs to first have self-discipline and then come across appreciating what has been done because of it. If it's not that great, then I guess it would be time to look elsewhere. 

From thinking a little more about it, I now believe that if a person refuses to change his or her disposition and keeps complaining about status, then the person is being a lost cause about something. Some people are able to let it go better than others, so I'm learning to catch up to their level of letting stuff go with people who can make me mad sometimes. Basically a person who has a problem about something and needs to discuss the same thing constantly to not much improvement is pretty much a lost cause about it, and there's really no need to be invested in the talk especially if you already disagree and they are doing all they can to persuade you. This is where being smart comes in handy for figuring stuff out about almost anything happening in this world; and unfortunately, not everybody is equipped to do so like one of my buddies who keeps talking about how people are out to get him after having a major panic attack at work and leaving his position ASAP!

I think the best way for me to deal with the stresses of people I care about who are being a lost cause to me is to not invest much into it nor engage in arguing. I guess if it gets really annoying like it has been for me, it's not a bad idea to separate for awhile and finding something else to do because my buddy isn't changing and he thinks he's the best at what he does and I know clearly that he isn't. With that added time to focus on myself, I could work on achieving my personal goals and go after socializing with new people. For myself, being the most honest person I can be with people I'm personally holding in contempt is the best thing I could really do for myself and handling those annoying situations without letting my frustrations get the best of me. 

 

Renewing the Mind

As a human being, I guess it's normal to want to do something but just never find the time to get around to doing it. Worst, sometimes it can turn into regret and it becomes a cycle from probably some obsession or addiction and just not being able to break a certain habit. In these circumstances, there is a way to overcome those obstacles that lead us to staying human. It's basically renewing the mind.

There are five things to it for a person to obtain a renewed mind, and I'm going to mention this is a Christian post.  It's to read, study, memorize, meditate, and share the Bible. I guess you have to make time to do those things out of discipline and then grow into enjoying it and then living it. Trusting in the very essence of the Bible happens thanks to believing in Christ's resurrection.

This is what I should really be doing on a daily basis, so it would mean that I don't really have time to let my mind wander off reading other cool stuff on the Internet nor even watching TV and movies unless it's socializing with other people- only by that, I'll make the exception. I'm really going to have to prioritize on a 24-7 basis and just keep on adding up different things to do that will just keep my butt from being glued to the couch and munching on goodies.

It's probably that I feel worn out and confused sometimes and just not feeling it while not caring that I just tune into television or getting lost in my other side curiosities that waste time like a numb skull. I do it all the time. I think I'll try to get back to reading the Bible once again with the three passages, along with studying a chapter of Proverbs and Psalms and just listening in on Scriptures. I believe this is the priority I must do.

I can say that I'm hanging out with friends who do have a somewhat belief in God and Christianity so I guess I can hang in there and live by example just to be a quiet witness to them since they aren't really asking any questions or making any of these deep and serious religious considerations at the moment. Maybe I can also include praying about it during my quiet time with the Bible.

Proper Fitness

There's basically three things that a person needs to have for an ideal body he or she wants. It's proper nutrition, working out, and getting enough rest. These three things performed at a world class level on a consistent basis will make the athlete just kill stuff when it comes to doing physical and normal activities. Let's break it down into paragraphs like a five paragraph essay, starting with my first sentence being my thesis.

Number Uno, proper nutrition should take up about 80% of the time. Basically munching off of those good chips or addictive popcorn in my case while watching a NBA legendary player lose to a great team like it happened yesterday is not a great idea. It's better to get off the couch now especially because he's not going to win after losing three straight. The climax is over and it was fun before the other guy blasted a long range three pointer that just shut down the home crowd's energy and made fans start leaving. It happens! It should be easy now to get my butt off the couch because I saw a gain of two pounds on my weight scale and regretting that cheesy and caramelized melting popcorn and finishing half the bag that is fit to feed four hungry people!

Number Two, even after going to the bathroom, I saw only .2 pounds lost off my water weight. If you want to see some more excess of water weight lost, then you are going to have to work out. In addition, working out picks up your metabolism. From running only 13.1 miles a few weeks ago, I only lost about four pounds. It's like burning off a whole pizza; it's not bad at all wouldn't one say? It's more like an excuse from running only a distance of half marathon every two days to eat a lot to gain all of that weight after getting too thin!

Number Three, even after running only a half marathon one day a week and averaging about running only 35 miles in seven days, trust me, it isn't that bad as it seems, it's quite fun. I even average about 35 miles an hour in my car so to average that out in a week of running isn't really a lot if one would think on the long term scale. Proper rest so even though I feel bad to get eight hours of sleep and get up feeling all good and not knowing if I was snoring while dreaming hard about pretty ladies and on those rare occasions, I've probably been forced to take a peek from one of them being naughty but that's another case in the dream world which doesn't count! Rest is so pivotal so that you don't wake up sleepy. From being sleepy, it's easier to act stupid with simple routines like falling asleep while driving and hitting the curb and then the body just gets a jolt and sometimes, you might wake up in a hospital. Yes, proper rest helps the body recover so that you can run only another 13.1 miles freely the next day without feeling so tired!

In conclusion to this five paragraph essay regarding proper fitness, to sum it all up it's 80% proper nutrition, 20% work out, and then rest. I'm not saying 0% rest to add it up to 100% but I should add that 100% should be proper mind set and if you add in 100% rest, it becomes 300% for proper fitness. It works in the power of threes!  
 

Staying Content

It's okay to suck because you can still manage. I told a buddy that he sucks at everything. I admit that I suck too because there's either greatness or just not being that good while still managing to do enough. If it's about being hot or not, then I'm at the not and accept it. I will do the best I can to not stay there, but I'm okay if it turns out that I suck.

I'm basically saying that I'm content even though I know that I suck. Okay so while going with that, I will keep on working at it and enjoying excellence. Being sleepy sucks and focusing on other things to stay relaxed when you know better sucks too.

This goes to my very unpopular conclusion because I know that I suck. I believe that the majority of people suck too like my buddy. I just don't say that they suck because it's rude. I tell my buddy everything from just being straight up blunt with him.

To be great, it has to be something memorable and consistent among a large group of people. It needs to have an ending as well and the clear goal has to be recognizable like an NBA basketball player who goes for winning a championship. I think Michael Jordan is a legendary basketball player just like a lot of people do. If a good number of people believe that you are successful like a few of my female friends believe, then I guess that's a good thing.

Improvements Made With Fitness

I ran about possibly 4.5 miles yesterday in the evening and did my usual routine of running up the hill and trying to keep myself from staying winded. I did my shower routine and then after that I lied in bed and knocked out only to wake up at about 4:30 am to get ready for work. I checked my weight scale and I burned two pounds from probably setting off my metabolism after doing some cardio for a good period of time. I'm currently weighing in at about 163 pounds and would like to reach 155 so I'm not too far away for my goal.

I plan to target my abs and arms once I reach my ideal weight and maintain some cardio on a weekly basis. I will probably get back into some high-intensity training which is fun and burns a thousand calories every session. I've toned out like crazy and even got skinny because of it. My ultimate goal is to look like I have good muscles with making the body look good and go for completing a full triathlon. It's actually a lot of fun and the only person I'm really competing against is myself and not letting others get to you can be a bit tricky sometimes, but it's fun to try to keep up with the more fit athletes who pass me up.

A lot of this happens because of one thing acceptance. I'm preaching that very heavy and because of it, I'm just laughing at my own failures and not caring and moving forward and just keep going for my goal.

Getting Laughs At Myself

I'm attracted to good looking girls and some of them are very nice, but I have no chance with them! That's funny to me. I don't think I look all that great; some days, I feel like I look a little better and other days, I just don't have it. Overall though, it looks like I can attract a small crowd of deeply appreciative people who just feel connected with someone in the group. I guess that's not bad considering how I'm not known for anything popular and that causes people to walk out on me. I also walk out on them too and not that reliable so I accept that I'm a pretty selfish guy.

On top of all this accepting negatives about myself, I just have this spark in my heart that wants to be pleasing to the Lord Jesus in my life. It's just an incredible happy place for me to seek after putting my trust in the Son of God, who walked in this earth a thousands of years ago. Because of that, I can't just settle with being selfish and going after doing stuff that a lot of people can get themselves carried away with. I'm like taken back by the thought of all of that temporary fun and have to be like enough is enough for me.

Well, it seems like having a nice relationship with a woman is nice for a change. I guess just being great friends is enough for me and I'm just like not caring if I even get turned down by them when that moment comes where I'm really interested in them. I move on rather fast and can be patient and not worry if it never happens to me because I can accept everything depressing about myself!

Laughter is sort of like my defense mechanism with all the ugly pictures I put myself through. Let's see if I can keep on making some more improvements. I'm not in any rush though, but it's just fun to see how I can make the most of it. My eyes are so small; it's funny how I look. I get a nice chuckle out of myself these days and it was hard in the beginning because I was so self-conscientious but I figure to survive in a shallow world of people who just disappear to me, a sense of humor is a requirement.

Interesting Support

I seem to get an interesting amount of support from people who I butted heads with when it comes to me dating someone. It's an odd correlation but I'm just a natural even with the worst type of people who just behave in a manner that would be too much for certain types of people. I think the support mainly comes from how I decide to run my mouth. If I hold back, then I'm going to inevitably let something slip and it's going to tick off people a whole multitude amount even though I feel like I deserved to say that from all the effort I put in to control my tongue.

For example, I was having a hard time working at the "feeling" of getting along with a girl. I ended up holding all of that frustration inside of me and then I let it rip one day in a poem. On the poem, I said she's unattractive. Guess what happened? She got so mad and didn't care when she was included in a group that got me in trouble at that "pretending to be holy" church. I'm obviously laughing about it and it wasn't that serious because they don't have evidence and it now shows that they were just being paranoid with anger issues which I was sensitive about not arousing myself, but I happened to because I released all that frustration into a joke that made me laugh so hard at them, but made them so mad. I felt bad about it so I became a sitting duck while they were making accusations that are now funny to me while thinking about it.

By me just being transparent and having a constant pattern of being the same authentic person of how I run my mouth, it seems to have a positive effect on my relationships with people I choose to have a conflict with. I think the buddy who has been replying back to me with my text messages in my overpowering comments just doesn't want me to look at him all bad for whatever he wants to do even if it's so selfish. Another guy just relented with my comments of doing active stuff to him on the basis that he acts a certain way to me much to his own embarrassment. It's like I'm flexing my muscles at him and saying that I have his number and showing it already for his eyes to see and that he has no way out of it no matter what he does, so he has to give in and not do the things that I think would make him look bad. It's something like that for ultimate persuasion that I did to this dumb sergeant in the army! It could also be that he's laughing about it when he's able to catch his breath and doesn't mind that I tore up his heart and soul like it happened in boot camp.

Anyway, I'm totally overshadowing him in a spiritual sense or that's how I feel at least while having him as a Facebook friend. He could even unfriend me and I would still feel the same, so I've been sending messages to him of that sort and he reads and has like disappeared with me on social media for awhile. He could be busy trying to balance out taking care of his baby girl and just like afraid of me in like losing his credible social status so doesn't want to push this strong expression of my personality while attacking his character. I'm only behaving in this manner because he did something, and I'm bringing it up later and from having this type of personality, with the people who attacked me in the beginning, they don't really pursue that much with me in arguing because of my responses if I go on the attack as well with them in the future. I honestly believe at a high level of certainty, he won't mind me having a girlfriend and probably wondering who it will be. I don't think he's even going to respond or think anything of it and just be like in acceptance with a slight grin on his face momentarily.

For the other buddy with a weird mind, if the girlfriend turns out to be so hot and nice, then I guess he's going to respond a little envious with me and be like thinking that I won't have time to mess with him any further so he'll find a reason to be happy for himself more than me.

Marriage Considerations

What's currently on my mom's mind is that with my birthday having passed two days ago, at the age of 35, my mom wants me to now marry any girl who I think is right for me. I'm still not ready, unfortunately. I'm working at a family business that's doing well as of late, but I don't want to rely on it for money. I'm making decent money and having little trouble saving enough for a nice home in southern California which I call home. Only way, I'm going to be able to own like a decent sized mansion is to work smarter in my investing skills which I have been letting slip up.

I guess my mind constantly starts to slip up and it just mainly involves me spending my time with reading up on stuff in the Internet and watching YouTube videos and occasionally letting my mind wander with TV. One of my not so good friends doesn't like anything negative being mentioned about him. It's actually pretty funny because I used to be like that, but he's a fairly odd guy who doesn't get out that much and thinks he's this unique and great guy. I'm just soaking in the truth and probably for that buddy he would think it's too depressing to accept so he has to elevate himself personally while questioning why some people don't seem to really like him that much.

Over these last couple months, I've lost on average one friend on Facebook per month and just to add two new ones over last night. I don't even know who unfriended me honestly, so I guess it's too many people to want to keep up with and maybe they just didn't feel comfortable about my energy. I guess my intentions could be obsessive with everyone because I just want to keep along and I hate it when people do something like that to me.

Knowing What To Work On

I had a chance to stare at my naked body with a full-scale mirror for awhile after doing a work out. I can see where I would like to work on and it's a no-brain-er that others would do this too. Whether it hurts your confidence or not is one thing and I'm sure some out there don't want to think about how hard it's been to stay consistent with obtaining and managing a nice body. The main excuse is probably because of having pain or not wanting to take it that seriously. It's like you can start worrying and then try and forget about it the next and just drop it completely out of your system. I honestly don't understand how my buddies manage to block out their feelings of insufficiency while thinking about themselves and laugh at other people's miseries! It drives me a little crazy thinking about it at that angle so I guess I have to learn to accept it even if the truth is so annoying to figure out. I guess this is what loving someone is all about and it includes accepting them for who they are including all their flaws and letting yourself stress out from caring so much about them and doing your best to stay positive that things will turn out okay.

With my body, I've been just mainly running and stretching with awesome yoga classes. It's the same old breathing hard while challenging your body to do amazing poses that require balance and flexibility. It really helps out my form with running and staying consistent for my long half-marathon sessions. I don't think it's crazy that I run this much and starting to pick up on it. It's an acquired taste that I'm sure people would eventually be aware of in others who run like I do.

Right now, I feel that I need to just develop my arms and abs. Everywhere else is actually not that bad in my body including my intimate areas! I'm not going to describe them that much out of wanting to hold it back for like the wife someday or God can inspire me to keep on exercising because of how I look! Yeah, my arms look really flabby even though I can hold up at least 40 pounds with one hand. I guess I want some definition in that area and will figure something out. Maybe that beach body workout plan might come in handy. I also want to have killer abs as well and once I have those two features, it's just a matter of becoming rich and owning my own beautiful home and landing a gorgeous wife who knows how to have a lot of fun and wants to do that with me!

It's pretty sad that my fleeting youth has been spent in playing video games, but I don't really regret it that much because it was so fun. It's just going to be sad to have kids while so old and maybe not being able to reach seeing their grand kids and the next. I could maybe raise them really well that they have so much maturity and marry young and do something that I wasn't able to do. I guess it would be better to work at improving my own line and contributing to the generations. My parents struggled a lot and weren't able to help so much in those areas from making the mistake that it was an assumption that everybody naturally know how to work at. It's pretty weird how they think in this area and it's annoying!

I thank a large part of having this rejuvenated spiritual and happy feeling is from working at having a relationship with the Lord. His Word alone brings me amazement and to my knees in worship as I allow my heart to drive out all my sins and happy to be in the faith that it's true that my sins are washed away and I can live with a guiltless conscience while loving the Lord and serving His purposes by loving others as well.