Life feels so good

I think the best way for me to be a blessing right now is to carry people's burdens in a loving way and to be very productive in the things I am doing. The reason for my thinking is that I think I'm starting to voice out a lot of my emotions in a way where people can sort of be led into. This is happening through my writings. I can always find excuses if people don't like how I have been soul searching and maybe then, I'll be able enliven something wonderful.

The way that I can be productive and a blessing to others is to read books proficiently and also study. A very important decision to me is to continue in fellowship with Christ, who is found in the traditional Bible. It's also to do things that are ultra-cool right now; such as skydiving, biking long distances, cliff-diving, rock-climbing, working out, raising a million bucks legally and with interesting tactics, etc. I could sure use a couple more inches in height, too; nevertheless, it does not bother older folks. There are so many scary stuff you could try to get taller. I recommend consulting a physician about it, but many of them may be like "Who cares, you are a unique individual with genes that you carried from your parents." Regardless, just ask about the nutrition or medication and how dangerous the exercises could be. I grew a half-an-inch from getting enough sleep and trying some of those heart-pumping exercises. I should keep it up and not feel sorry for no reason because it does not involve anyone, but myself. Can't find the verse for this one, but it says, "If the barn needs painting, paint it."

Dealing With Wall From Friendly Girls

This passage is detailing my little active struggle of not trying to live out my past. I have actually woke up this year to a lot of different experiences. Specifically, I have a wall surrounding me around three intelligent girls. This is so cool in a way because I never thought I could be considered for even rejection in a relationship. I was working so hard at not trying to give myself away at being in a relationship with anyone. I have not asked any of those girls, if they wanted to get committed in some relationship. Pretty weird because my body used to be a little uncomfortable about listening to them.

Now that I have risen at a new level, I feel the need to pump out better results. I am a very straight man by the way. No hustling going on in the last sentences. There's a special girl who I truly admire out there. It's exciting that I have actually some real life conflict to anticipate. Others have even tried to get involved with me just allowing them to solicit me. Going back to the wall surrounded around these women, I feel like having the green light to go talk to them because of everything surrounding my ignorance to them. They sort of failed to clue me in about the conflict they were going through. A straight man who appears to have no experience in this area and changing his outlook in life all at the same time; probability: almost impossible. This is where my genius may resurface.

Gosh, my head was a little messed up.

The Lord has taught me something meaningful lately. It's really to cast all my concerns on Him. Recently, I have been squirming a little about pulling out all my hairs. Life is really something, and God placed us here on this world for a definite reason. It's wonderful that our personalities are all different and some of us just need others around to help us take a break. I guess that's why I really hate it when people start acting a little different around you. You just really want to break the ice and fix something they are not accustomed to you about.

I'm currently learning to adjust at becoming a hard-working and focused student. I think the winning takes place by multi-tasking my emotions and having faith in God that everything will be okay. It's just that sometimes, my soul is just so poked at that I have to go out and do some remedial things. I would really like a balanced and fresh life, but I do not want to leave behind something dealing with people. I am not quite ready to give up on a note of misunderstanding or discomfort with someone. I think a wonderful person is also someone who can create more work for him or her to be proactive and make a positive impact. I should honestly be doing that too. Instead of being so distracted, it's to work hard at dealing with it through the Lord's blessing.

Internal Personalities

It's a pretty well-worthy note of writing to receive comfort from the Lord. I currently am finding that being a guy with so much difficulty of not casting out annoyances is sort of hampering with my life. Everyone has their desires and ideas, and they like to think it's right with absolute certainty. It's just like me. They place it upon me and then annoy me! I think my gig has been to just keep asking questions and then demand answers. I don't want to jump into rash conclusions and then spill up somewhere. That's just my train of thought, I suppose.

God is a great friend to anyone who calls out to Him when circumstances are rock-bottom. Some people ignore the wonderful attributes of getting to know the Lord. I find that my personality has not been really used to staying annoyed with something and then letting go of it. You know, I really need to start pursuing after changes but keeping the Lord in mind. I don't really feel down on myself anymore.

Moving On for Better Days

I think we would all like to view life as having a meaning and purpose. Sometimes, some of us may want to make excuses with being a dummy and accepting it. The situations that God places me in is sometimes really hard to relate in others. In some part of our lives, I think sin takes its toll and may cloud the mind. It's important to stay fresh in the Lord and to repent from all bitterness and resentment. Phil 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." (NASB)

I don't really want to share the things that I've been going through because of conflicts-of-interests. After I deal with the situation, I may have the luxury of laughing off a wonderful story. I really like delightful things that arise from confusion and frustrations. It feels like moving forward.

I will share that I'm out of my house a lot more because I'm pretty stuffed about staying indoors and doing things that I have been accustomed to. 1 Cor 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." (NASB) It's in my heart to move away from my parents soon and live a really diligent life without having to rely on them for financial support. My mom just wishes me to marry off and have a job that people could look up to. Maybe, this is what my mom would think is best for me. This reminds me about the parable of the talents (Matt 25:14-30, Luke 19:12-28). By being diligent in work, it is natural to master the skill and then be blessed with more tasks for gaining added treasures. This means that I may have the skills in the future to really accomplish a big dream that I have. My dream is to give support for dying nations by doing something to help out- something that is not languish; possibly, lending financial support to virtuous and wonderful volunteers with a great vision I can follow.

I am currently studying to be a high level I.T. worker. The jobs in that field are very incredible and potentially fruitful. It may actually fit my niche of what I need to help maintain a balanced life. Giving my time to serving the Lord is also an area that I wish to grow in. I hope to be the guy who can really handle a lot of things that would normally pester individuals and to deal with them strongly and come away with pleasing God.

Public Apology to the Lord

God has the ability to liberate us under any circumstance that we may feel is hectic on us. The under-driven guilt of all my sins is ever consuming me like a drug. My fallen moments arise from lacking trust in myself at the given moment of not receiving what I desire. The Bible says in Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding." (NASB) It's a very simple concept that requires us to pray consistently to Christ who reigns in heaven. Eph 6:18 says, "With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints," (NASB) and 1 Thes 5:17 says to "pray without ceasing" (NASB). It's difficult in all of us to give trust over to the Lord sometimes. We find that perhaps, life would be better if we proposed improvements on things we knew about. 1 Cor 1:27 says, "But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong" (NASB). We live our lives sometimes for pleasing only ourselves and find that it's a direction that leads away from the Lord.

Being a person with opinions, it's relatively hard to stay logical and if you are my sister, to never stop relying on your feelings. I have come to accept that my hard stubborness is only a defensive mechanism to excuse myself with being selfish. I don't need to add onto the Bible what it's saying, and only need to rely on God's grace. The Bible is a comprehensive manual of how to live and to manage with receiving the provisions of God.

To be of one mind with Christ, it takes commitment and self-discipline. I feel that others may want to impose that Christianity is a religion that labels a certain people and putting on a security blanket with no absolute proof of what they are believing. It worries me a little because Jesus is a real person who died on the cross. The case of how the tomb of Jesus became empty with two Roman soldiers standing watch should be convincing enough to be an intriguing case in history. Philosophical arguments are not needed in the case of the empty tomb. One just needs to put together all the pieces of what really happened in reference to the Jewish culture.

It's time for me to pray and feel like I'm jumping over countless hurdles until I can overcome the limitations with a blessing that I seek. Right now, it's about struggling without sex as a single man. God has called me to save my virginity for the woman he has allowed me to marry in the future. The marriage bed will be pure and a very joyful moment when that time comes. The end of the race will have its fruitful moment. Never too late to repent from a swinger's lifestyle or addiction to porn. It's been very evil of me to heighten my sexual desires for my own merit. I have to accept that I will have down times as a sexual creature. A new dawn is coming, and a new life has started and it's time to thank the Lord for this day! "Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things are passed away; behold, new things have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Random Fictionalized Story of Marc

Once upon a time, a person named Marc told a story while making funny faces. He gradually arose after that from the table he was sitting at and then started making belly aching noises. He was so filled with awe and misery at the same time because he found no acceptance with what he was doing. He then ended up withdrawing himself from the world. All he had with him was loving parents who gave him housing and food, and a very infuriated sister who could not get a load of him at times.

There are moments in Marc's life where Marc feels very depressed and lonely about not having enough friends around to give him support. Marc always wanted acceptance and felt like he had to work hard to receive it. One day Marc just felt like being annoying, according to some news sources and started messaging people with unclear sentences all around those e-mails. Marc just could not get enough of it and so he continued doing it some more. People have asked what the purpose was, but the best explanation has been stated that he loves to just write for the thrill of not knowing what words will be coming back to haunt him.

Marc has a big load of thoughts piling up in his life. In regards to how he could never get by without people, he just has to learn to deal with the annoyances of not knowing some things about people. Marc has recently given up looking at porno, watching television, and playing video games. He would rather do nothing instead of polluting his mind with indecent thoughts right now. Marc is starting to make the decision to repent for the sake of getting to know the Bible better and make more wonderful decisions. All of these annoyances with the self has been pretty much about a relentless attack to the unknown sphere about people. It has brought Marc a lot of confusion and nervousness. Writing a lot of confusing statements has made Marc even more sensitive about what people are actually thinking. He can sometimes state random things in his head and start laughing and then his mom would start scolding him for acting so wierd.

Marc eventually grew up with a nice head and wonderful personality. It is all thanks to the wonderful and loving Savior of this world. This committment to God has produced wonderful results and truthful experiences relating to the heart in all aspects of his life. There is a joy that can't be unfathomable when Marc fellowships with God by reading His Bible. He became very successful, earned a couple million dollars, and married a sweet and beautiful woman. They have raised ten children together and have hired their own children to help around the house. Marc and his wife, Francine can be found in their own daily radio talk show. They seem to really have wonderful chemistry on air and encouraged fans to seek after the Lord.

The problem circulating with Marc right now is that he wishes all who do know the true living Christ to give God a chance. Marc has this burden in his heart to want to serve God for the purposes of being an instrument that helps people get out of being deceived with a selfish world. He wishes to tell all of a wonderful loving Savior who wants to restore good values and heal the void in their lives. Marc has taken on a role to be a volunteer at his local community and also has formed an organization that helps people worldwide with common struggles by providing clear and practical Biblical solutions...

to be continued at a later date!

1 Samuel 4:12 - 1 Samuel 8

Today, I read these passages. I have not had time to read the Bible lately. I have a burden on my shoulders which is to be the very best that I can be when writing. A verse that I liked is 1 Samuel 6:6 which states, "Don't be stubborn and rebellious as Pharaoh and the Egyptians were. They wouldn't let Israel go until God had ravaged them with dreadful plagues." (NLT)

I believe the Holy Spirit to not to be just a coincidence. I think some are still saying that Christianity is a religion or a personal reflection of correcting oneself, rather than a true relationship with God. Because of being human, I think we sometimes get a little lost in life and leave out Christ. Christ came into this world as a human who interacted with real people. Of all the phenomenons out there, I believe this to be a greater marvel than anything else in the whole universe. Jesus made his mark by resurrecting and leaving behind an empty tomb. This case about Jesus when analyzed at a historical point creates a marvelous statement of how God could surely be real in this world.

For me, I need to try to be more patient with God. With all the privileges I have, I think I could live a well-balanced and Biblical centered life. Currently, I am being prayed for and all of a sudden, I'm starting to see where I need to flourish in necessity and desires. I am finding that I can find meaning right now as a pretty satisfied bachelor. I have found that living in God, every desire can be obtained with the right cause. If God takes away a desire, it is only meant for me to allow God to do it under my submission of His will. I will ultimately allow God to edify me through the washing of His word and to eventually take on greater responsibilities in the future. I think people are here to try to help us out, but ultimately the best advice I think I can receive is to solely rely on God's advice. To search it, we need an open and willing heart to love God with all our mind, heart, and soul and to have love for others, as well. We may feel abandoned sometimes, 1 Samuel 7:2 says "...During that time, all Israel mourned because it seemed that the Lord had abandoned them." (NLT) Suffering is sometimes painful, sorrowful, regretful, or even frustrating. I don't think I can be pleasing to everybody, but what I can do is listen to people's petitions with eagerness. At this point in time, I have to stay right in the Lord with the most obvious things about my private life. Yes, I have some sexual struggles but it's not nearly that bad which prevents me from making good friendships with women.

Talking and Writing

Things have been so different for me these days. I am trying with all my might to find the goodness achieved through our Lord and Savior. I see that putting our confidence in Jesus helps us to walk in our worst moments. To be growing in my faith, it has been an incredible challenge. I see myself as incapable of doing really anything, but I believe that God has called me to find harmony with others.

I don't really see everything at first glance. I believe that God does marvelous things to me when a person has something against me. It's amazing how words can really affect a person's emotions. God gave me this ability to work under my own pains to lead people to restore the way things were before. I used to do a lot of apologizing back then. I think that was the key because I did not know what was going on fully. I think through apologizing and placing agenda on my own needs with a person, I have not been able to grow in knowing the person better. I'm trying a more positive approach and finding it is going to take lots of effort to be considerate to the women affected by me. It's so easy to clarify good intentions by sticking with pure writing and talking as the actions. It's amazing how the least evil of things can make people angry. For example, writing with lack of clarity because I want to edify and worship the Lord through words. Brothers and sisters have told me I'm on the right path by communicating my desires with the Lord. I am ready to push ahead to greater things. Mainly the affected people are best to just clarify with the greatest purposes in mind.

Social Writing

I wanted to test my writing skills by seeing how well I can communicate with it. With the lack of people I have worked with, I have come across some problems. The problems associated with me are basically frustrations from not communicating effectively at a good level. The confidence factor in me is still pretty evident with others. I think I have pretty good intentions with writing and therefore, since no one really does this what I'm doing, it must be fairly unique. The people who wrong me are basically dealing with a pretty unique, but entirely normal person. I like the factor of being normal because it causes people to really later think about their mistakes and repent. I feel that people need me to communicate with them at face value.

I will seriously try my best to incorporate talks, but I truly like to hold the best for everyone. It's like the logic is starting to pop out of my writing so evidently. People are able to analyze it and ask questions to get even more richer details. It is so good for me to voice better reasons without trying to come across as a person in need of professional help. I believe that when I write I sometimes feel empowered with what I'm doing and so it gives the reader a reason to feel victimized about something. I need to dig in and ask better questions relating to myself. I think I'm dealing with people who are going through some difficult situations and need to adopt a talking manner of reaching out to them.

Progress In Jesus Makes Perfect

There's this problem with me being so deconstructive with myself. It can annoy a lot of people when they don't understand me. I am trying the best I can to be right with everyone. I can see that there are hidden meanings in the things I'm putting down. It's the way that I think that causes this person to not understand me in any way, shape, or form. I am being revealed the way to a successful journey- it's to communicate.

Things should mainly be about God's glory. There's a purpose behind every Christian's life in what the person is doing. Maybe God is leading to a certain direction or not. The answers will sooner or later be revealed. Let me not become a cheap person, but a person who has quality and ready to socialize and be in agreement with everyone who I feel wronged by.

Gen 42-45

I skipped yesterday's reading again. I must not be refraining a bit from feeling negative on myself. There's no need to skip having fellowship with the Lord, no matter how bad you feel about the situation. Ultimately, the blame would probably be stated as me having initially done something wrong to do the person. After I explain myself and the person sees that it was a bad thing to be mad at, then I think they may feel weird about it. Genesis 45:5 says, "Don't be angry with yourselves that you did this to me, for God did it." By being a man who fears God, it allows room for compassion upon those who have trespassed us. Joseph demonstrated this humility by showing love to his brothers, even though he was feeling he had all the right to be mad at them (Gen 42:25).

It's amazing how expressing deep love and aiding a person, despite them knowing they hurt you a lot, it creates a feeling of anger within their own flesh. It's like they did all this wrong to you, and you are not trying to. The principle of showing love after being wronged to a person who deliberated on it, is a timeless classic that forms a relationship with the enemy respecting the lover. I know this because my sister has deliberately hurt me by kicking and screaming so much about how she's unreasonably happy. I have talked to her about it, and when I had the chance to deride my sister, I sometimes chose not to, out of needing to be an adult.

I like how Jacob turned out to be a well-principled man as he mellowed out in the land of Cannan. His objective was to bless his enemy only to appease them for what he felt he was burdened with. His sons caused some turmoil with Jacob with the growing pains, and maybe one turned out to be a serial killer! Overall, Jacob did not always end up bickering about his problems and place pride over himself. His heart was finding ease while fearing the Lord. Gen 43:11 says "So their father, Jacob, finally said to them, 'If it can't be avoided, then at least do this. Fill your bags with the best products of the land. Take them to the man as gifts- balm, honey, spices, myrrh, pistachio nuts, and almonds.'"

Joseph also applied a test on their brothers to remind them what they put him through. By putting them in prison, he was implicitly stating that he suffered. In our walk, we don't always have to be confrontational in our actions through our struggles. I think it's really good to let them know what they did and in a good way. For me right now, it's about communication and not always dwelling in the past frustration. I think bringing it up to talk about it is as mature as one could be. Right now, I'm dealing with a lot of frustrations in insecure people. They seem to have this persona of being someone to rely on and then they assume I went through the motion of trying to write them off in secret. The frustration may be from feeling disrespected from not knowing what I have said to them. This is seriously a sign for me to communicate more with people and let them know what I was up to.

I think it's never over to let God forgive you when you have done someone seriously wrong. You don't have to be mad at yourself and end up punishing yourself. Allow God to walk into your heart and to bring you up in humble confidence. God's son offers to save us from the burning fires of hell. (John 3:16)

Gen 37-Gen 39, 1 Ch 2:3-8

I skipped over some more chapters from not reading yesterday. I need to make it a habit to read the Word daily. I am doing this because I want to be nourished in the Spirit and receive encouragement. I know that I am not that great of a writer and that I see lots of small problems right now. I am so sensitive about them right now, but I don't want to let God stop working in my life and help me to become a better person. The story takes place with Joseph who really becomes the favorite child (Gen 37:3) and a highly blessed man (Gen 39:6).

I can really apply some principles out of these passages right now. What I see is that Joseph remained humble before the Lord's eyes and did not commit treason with the Lord's commands. Psalms 18:30 says, "God's way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection." (NLT) Joseph was a talented individual who was envied by others and pretty much had a higher calling. Genesis 39:3 says, "Potiphar noticed this and realized that Lord was with Joseph, giving him success in everything he did." (NLT) His brothers ended up selling Joseph into slavery. And then after having some success as Potiphar's favorite slave, Joseph would wind up in prison. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people for a reason. It's really hard to always understand why situations occur that causes some people to put negligence. I think it could be from them having lack of understanding with goodness.

What I like about Joseph is that he did what he could in all his might to avoid any sexual sins. Joseph was very diligent and possessed great leadership. These traits show me that God blessed Joseph with leadership. I myself find that I am weak and feeble-minded. I do not have great qualities of being a leader. I falter with my own physical appearances. Overall, after the day is gone the light of God's grace, love, and mercy still shines upon my life. 1 Cor 13 explains that pure love does not have jealous motives. Perhaps, my reasonings are so flawed that I cause people to stumble; or maybe, just the way I am causes people to get angered. I think God might have blessed us with certain callings. These callings enable us to desire God fully. I'm not saying that our passions are always the best thing to do. We can certainly try to ignore others, which displays our own selfishness. I believe this is what I'm getting when it deals with relations with others- it's to keep trying, cut out anger, maintain regard and respect, never feel down, in self-control and be reasonable while allowing Jesus in your life.

Gen 32-Gen 35

I skipped some passages over the weekend because I kept myself occupied. I then fell short from being away with the Word. I am starting to realize with the things that I treasure need to be based on God's desires. The story leaves off with Jacob running away from his jealous brother, Esau and living with his uncle Laban. Jacob ends up becoming his uncle's servant and then marries both of the daughters for his dedication. Jacob did possess more love for Rachel rather than Leah, Laban's eldest. I recall how it must have pained Leah with the lack of attention Jacob gave her at times. Rachel and Leah were sort of both competitive with each other in the aspect of bearing children for Jacob.

After becoming a wealthy man with traveling servants and flocks, Jacob left Laban to find his own land to settle in. Jacob faced this suspense of having to face his brother again, as the family traveled across land. It's important to me how Jacob showed a lot of humility. I think humility is an aspect of showing respect for an individual. Jacob also had so much fear of being killed that he was ready to appease his enemy. I think God really leaves His mark on us when we are in devastated moments and willing to do anything to avoid conflict while humbling ourselves. God truly admires a humble person. When fear settles in through the mistakes that had occurred, a really smart person will attempt to reconcile. So I believe reconciliation is not a bad thing in general and that there's no need to keep on avoiding. God will set up the appointment, and it's just a matter of not having resentment or conceitedness with the person you are offended by.

It appears that some of Jacob's sons may not have been closely brought up in the way of the Lord. When family gets so huge, I guess it's easy to just label a child as a son or daughter and ignore things about them. I think it's easy for us to sometimes get really frustrated about bad things happening to the ones we love and try to take revenge as a result. Through the bad things happening in the world, it's rather courageous to try to stand to reason instead of resorting to hatred and bloodshed. Even while the opportunity is available, we should try to consult the Lord first before engraving our own contempt on a person who wronged us. This is an area that I thought I was strong in, but I think my immaturity showed signs of still developing and causes people to block out their rudeness that they feel were insignificant. It's rather awkward feeling burdened down by others and trying to show your full appreciation for them. I have had moments of just becoming this pained creature giving out directions to stubborn people who won't change. It's like parenting in a way and being able to see it through prayer is allowing me to repent. It's also pretty weird because I can't seem to always remember that little detail people love about me, which helps me to lead them. I guess leading others has been a little stressful for me with the amount of patience I have had in the past. The lack of confidence and knowledge through the evils of this world indicate that people who have wronged me are training in foolish things and setting themselves up for failure.

Gen 25:27-Gen 28:5

Today, I read about the life of Issac and his sons Jacob and Esau. Jacob took on the favor of his mother, Rebekah; whereas, Esau had the favor of his dad, Issac because he brought home wild game. (Gen 25:28) Esau ends up giving up his birthright to Jacob. (Gen 25:33) It looked as if Esau focused on the things of the moment, as it is for me sometimes. By focusing on the "I'm suffering now part", it could look foolish to give up all that you treasure to the wrong entity. I guess Esau did not really have so much concern about his birthright, but rather wanted focus on the pleasures of the world. It appears that Esau plots to kill Jacob out of being mad that he does not have any family inheritance to enjoy for materialistic comforts. (Gen 27:41) Back then, it must have been pretty difficult access to have warm housing, food, workers, and sanitation without it being passed down to family.

Esau did marry some women who did not turn out to be a blessing for Issac. (Gen 26:35) Perhaps, it might have been for physical attraction that he chose to marry these Canaanite women. (Gen 26:34) Holding control of those hormones to stay pure is a real challenge for a lot of guys. The Bible suggests that believers should not marry a non-Christian. It is something about the bonding of the yoke thing. I recently heard about a well-brought up American falling for a man who is a part of radical Islam. One of the main reasons to not do this is because the head of the family should have total reverence for God. Family is the basic unit of growing in love and growing up well. If a spouse becomes a Christian later he or she can be a witness to the other spouse by being a blessing. God permits marriages for unbelieving couples, but it's been told that true happiness won't be found directly in the relationship. It has to come by the true cleansing flow of the Holy Spirit through our Lord and Savior, Jesus. Salvation through Christ is a concept that is not too difficult to pick up on. It's just a matter for all of us to want to call upon his name. A lot of people seem to argue that Christianity is this biased religion that offends others by placing unfair judgment on good men and women. They seem to want to argue about mainly contradictions. Nothing could be more false with the true nature of God. All the evil in this world is attributed to Satan. He alone said that there would be no peace and destruction if Jesus would worship him. Jesus knew that if he had done it then it would result in chaos at the end because one little sinful act- like one shot of cocaine, night of losing virginity, and getting drunk could result in a life of regretting some things.

Issac truly struggled with people back in the day. (Gen 26:14) It wasn't just a pleasant trip, but God had a place for him. I think it's intended for me find my place with God and to allow Him to transform me because I want to trust in God's Word. The day is coming for me to find overflowing riches in God's kingdom. Currently, I'm blessed to be able to live a certain wealthy life to be able to have fellowship with God. I do want to learn more eventually.

Gen 25:1-26, 1 Ch 1:28-33, 34

These passages describe the first offspring of Abraham. We are told here that Abraham married a new woman and bore kids, along with his concubines. (Gen 25:1, 6) I have heard the Jewish law did decree it as permissible for a man to have concubines back then. Nowadays, it's basically a man being with only one wife who mutually love each other. I think it's pretty fair for the girl who needs all the attention she can get from her best friend. Don't you think?

Issac, Abraham's son, ends up inheriting everything Abraham had (Gen 25:11). Gen 25:6 says, "But before he died, he gave gifts to the sons of his concubines and sent them off to the east, away from Issac." (NLT) What's really neat is that Abraham confessed his sin of sleeping with other women instead of his wife and prepared for Issac to respect his bride-to-be by sending his concubines packing. This conjecture is taken from Abraham's concubines never being mentioned again with Issac in the Bible and that possibly the children were so young that the mother had to follow. Abraham took careful consideration of his son, and this shows that he loved Issac very dearly. He must have felt awkward about sensing the children would tamper with Issac, as Sarah had blamed Abraham for not having a direct son with her and feeling ridiculed about it. We reach to the period of Issac bearing two sons with his wife, Rebekah- Jacob and Esau. Jacob would turn out to be such a stubborn mouse, whereas Esau is seen as this elusive guy who focuses on the flesh by what I think hardly having any fellowship with God. The faithful God predestines Jacob to be the greater twin, even though he is younger. (Gen 25:23) Back in the day, it was the oldest son who inherited all of the father's possessions. They were born like a minute apart, imagine how Jacob desired being the oldest but only by a couple inches off.

Ishmael, a son of Abraham's concubine, is believed to be the ancestor of the Arabs and possibly results in the Muslim religion. Abraham has cross-ties with Judaism, a belief of the Jews; Christians, and Muslims. They all see Abraham as the founding father. Therefore, this is one account of God wanting to work in our lives, but how so many opt to push themselves away from the Creator in heaven. Abraham missed his wife Sarah throughout his lifetime; it's evident by how he meticulously prepared her funeral. (Gen 25:11) Recently, the old-timer, reputed, great evangelist Billy Grahm lost his wife who died of old age. He publicly announced his grief. It's something about these men of God who really love their wives and treat them with kindness and have a great relationship with them. It's by the blood of Jesus that I am called to take on humble confidence and eventually lead a marriage, as I try to make it happen.

Genesis 21:8-21 - Gen 24:1-67 - Jan 7

I am not that great of a devotional guy. Neither am I that great of a writer, neither am I this person who you should always look up to for advise. I do realize that it's about getting the heart right with God and following His principles as closely as possible. By being in prayer, it allows God to help us live our lives in accordance to His will and to be satisfied with getting the gist of life.

What I recall from reading this passage is that it talks about Abraham who was so willing to sacrifice his son to serve his God. The act of submission and no intention of defying God is unbelievable. The Bible states that God would not test us according to what we cannot handle. It's amazing how the faith element needs to be regarded in Abraham's servant. He traveled so far and was so loyal to serving Abraham's interests. This must imply that Abraham treated all of his servants with love and kindness and also brought out the best in his workers by encouraging them. Abraham had straight access to God, who gave him a great reputation. Imagine how Rebekah must have felt when she was called upon by God to marry Abraham's son, Issac.

The privileges that God gives come through our reputable hearts. How we conduct ourselves in love has a lot of meaning. Say for instance, a girl did some harmless act of wanting to ignore this guy who does not act like he likes her that much. The guy could be extremely bothered by it or not. If he's bothered by it, then maybe he must be sensitive. Anyway, my point is that being a good influence has a very good and positive impact. I see how when you are left out of the circle, which I get myself into a lot, you really need to face your demons. I guess it's just a matter of asking and receiving a reply. I really don't mind anymore because I'm dealing with people who come to church and need to profess to the Bible's teaching. Otherwise, God will deal with them, even if you did all you could to prevent stuff from happening. I guess giving it your all and praying to God is the best way to ameliorate any situation dealing with a person. I think getting all my desires out of a person may take a little time and effort. Oh well, I have to live with how me being quiet that I'm seen as not being that comfortable around others and set apart.

Writing Through...

The powers that be are referring to God's ultimate grace. I know that I have a lot of problems inside of me that want to be released. My mom has told me that some people just work out to release this tension. I think it's a totally different time for me because I need to deal with these long term annoying issues. I just can't seem to let them get off my head, unless I separate from the person.

I just need to focus on what God is doing for me. It's going to be really difficult for me to figure out where I need to go. I have so many desires dealing with people, and now I am starting to get a little offended by being wronged. I think it's just a matter of doing the right thing, no matter what has been done. I think sometimes your best friends do not always come through for you because all you really have in the end is Jesus.

I'm going to write that I know the bad things of immature people or people I'm not really in good terms with. It's just a matter for me to do things smoothly and figure out the connection for each different person. It sucks that I have to deal with these headaches. I just wish that I could do whatever I wanted that would not land me in jail and receive all the blessings. I think I surely have a lot of things to repent of still. I am working hard and not allowing others to bring me down. I think in the end it's going to wind down to prayer and finding happiness with the right desires.

Blogs are the most indirect form of writing

I think blogs are really indirect and that when it offends someone, he must be really hurting deep down inside. If he uses stuff as a threat and the judge just has to act mad with you not following the rules, I guess it's a real big boo-boo when you didn't mean for it to happen that way.

I now understand what I must do. It's really understanding the boundaries of my strengths and weaknesses and the powers that lie ahead in what I am doing. I guess writing in this type of form is really teaching me a lot because it allows me to unload all that is unnecessary.

Happy New Year

I don't really know where I am going at. I don't really want to publish all of my thoughts, out of conflicts of interest. I think I could write about normal things and literally say them out loud, but I would not feel at all that comfortable talking about all the bad things that happened to me. There is a joy in knowing a Creator who is there supporting all of my wishes. It's really a sign of how things in this world are not always as they seem.

I have always felt this toss up. Isaiah 1:18, "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." Even though bad things happen to me and I don't go about fixing them when I could always. I sometimes see that being a good person takes a lot of humility and pain. It really hurts to just feel pain and not communicate it sometimes.