Hoping Not To Get In Trouble Anymore

I guess things happen in life sometimes, where some people might want to point the figure at you. It can happen to good or bad people, all alike. There's really just no generalizations that can take place to exclude someone, even people who never go outside the house to socialize might be blamed too so I don't know what their problem is if they are afraid of people and miserable. It looks like society in general while growing up really likes to embed children with some rules and guidelines on how to be happy. Of course, there are those deviants who probably see themselves as special and sort of go off tangent and maybe destroy their own lives or find some redemption.

Sometimes, I go throughout the day feeling like some law enforcement guy is going to come to my door to give me a subpoena for someone trying to sue me. I'm really afraid that this could happen to me someday because of my willingness to be honest with the world. I'm afraid that someone might not understand me that well and not be able to stop doing something I ask them to refrain from and totally misconstrue me and then try to sue me out of being angry about something. However, I'm actually starting to really think obtaining restraining orders from annoying people who are just taking things too personal is actually kind of cool. It's because I don't mind giving them space and laughing at their own silly pride of how they think they are great at helping others but then wanting to give a restraining order would contradict everything that they ever told me and I wouldn't mind bringing it up and adding it all up together in court now to challenge their overreaction and laughing at them being dumbfounded in front of the judge. In a way, receiving civil restraining orders from some unstable people gave others the hint that maybe they shouldn't really be the best of interest to stick around with. Losing more friends after this incident gives me the confidence that those still willing to stick by me are actually great friends and understanding people. I'm glad that I'm still blessed to have these types of people still. Besides, I was just being natural anyway and I wasn't under any criminal influence so in a way, it does make sense for me to be able to still connect with others or perform well at a great job. I guess the ones I do go after will be having a hard time in general anyway, if I can't get anything accomplished with them.

Memorial Sleep-In

Memorial Day is pretty much about celebrating the deaths of veterans who fought for this great country. I guess for some people, this special holiday means getting a paid leave from a company they work at and in my case, I get to sleep in after partying pretty hard last night. I met quite a bit of beautiful women who are single last night at a fair lady's house which one of my friends wants to lay some dibs on her. I was actually a little surprised that they are older than me and not really settled down yet- the saying goes that it's really hard actually to become committed in a good marriage.

Actually, with the act of hugging people, I used to get a little thrill engaging in it with some female friends- not anymore, I just accept it as normal and don't really feel anything bad about it. In other words, it sometimes feels like I'm hugging another close guy friend haha. I got to notice some of the girls pretty much hugged everybody and the guys pretty much shook hands with everybody in the room before they left the party and that they were not really leaving anybody out. It was actually for the most part, a pretty fun and responsible party engaged by some respectable adults. We were just messing around with some glow sticks and engaged in relaxing and moving about to some music; it was actually fun and sort of more warmer because it was a person's house than at a night club.  

I didn't really notice this but a lady was trying to subtly tell me that she's interested in me. I guess a few drinks didn't hurt her from telling me how she felt about it- she was in a good mood so she was telling me that she really likes me. When she was a little bothered by something, I was taking some criticism from her haha. I actually think I might be able to take in criticism from a woman whose intent on being blunt and not really my little sister or mom haha. When I have had altercations with Mom and my little sis, it's felt like 1 vs 1 vs 1 and a three-way match haha. It's pretty crazy because I feel like I'm connecting a lot better these days and this whole thought of being short isn't really preventing me from doing it. I guess I tried to overcompensate a little in some more rugged environments to experiment, and it turned out to get ugly but without the experience, I wouldn't be able to connect well. Wow, understanding people isn't really that hard and conducting oneself in a self-controlled and highly likeable manner is very possible even when a bunch of goody two-shoes manage to get others to turn against you.

Overwhelming Emotions

According to an expert, everybody goes through life sometimes feeling a little down and possess emotions that just feel like it's going to be uncontrollable. The article basically stated that there are two ways to let go of it- one is to cry about it and the other is to exercise. I remember my dream the other night after watching the recent Alice In Wonderland movie. It was a pretty good film that was loosely based on the novel so go figure, my dream is going to be a weird one right? Anyway, while I was thinking about why I'm having some trouble crying during my times of feeling overwhelmed during my dream state, I dreamed of the girl Annie Tran (very common maiden name haha and whose formerly part of Hope of God Church) - also note, I'm not including her in any weird people list anymore. Since I wrote about her and revealed who she is, I might as well include her in my dumb writings now if she ever comes up as appropriately as possible. Anyhow, in my dream, Annie was crying a lot so much that it looked like she could be crying a rain storm and tears were pouring out of her eyes so much. Okay, while I'm thinking about how come I have trouble crying through overwhelming and stressful times, I see her crying and releasing all of that tension. I guess it felt a little unfair for me.

It's sort of true because when I do some jogging up a steep hill, I feel like I'm dealing with released tension in my body and letting go of some unwanted feelings. Working out does actually feel good for me because I can sort of relate the hardships on my body to actual stress that I live through, and it also builds up my confidence in a way because I'm being pretty content about coping with my stress during that moment. I think the only thing standing in my personal direction for being a very hard worker is just these filthy memories that could also have some assumed fragments of my belief system and test my pride level about others.

I'm just realizing that if I focus at something I want to do and try to work hard at it while staying relaxed then I might be able to accomplish it a lot faster. Currently, I'm trying to put more hours into something that I want to just work hard at to earn a living so that I could feel more appreciative about having some fun in life. I guess some overreacting folks (young and old alike) could be feeling like I'm some sort of criminal who was never put into jail or got away with something. Oh well, anyway to them it could sound like I'm a reformed person after leading a life of crime, which I obviously didn't. Sometimes, I naturally give people who overreact a lot a very hard time and make them so angry with me not really doing much. It's like if I prevent myself from doing something then they don't appreciate something else about me. Oh well, those things happen and that's why I need to sometimes ask them if they are out of their minds and be honest with them if I become angry at them. Sometimes, I don't want to reveal what I'm feeling while being angry at a person; maybe, that's why I have overwhelming emotions inside of me that I'm trying to deal with. Anyway my point of release which was to be nice about it still caused the overreacting folk to be mean with me. I'm going to be switching gears around a little, or maybe I could try telling them about what bothers me about them and ask them to stop doing it and if they don't then maybe, I have a point with them. 

Have To Think Long Term

Okay, it's feeling a little repetitive for me to write on this blog everyday now. I think that probably might come as a surprise to some people who probably hate this blog and want to condemn it to be taken down the Internet and shut off from the world. Man, I really suck at writing and my mind really stinks from lacking some discipline. I pretty much strive on excellence, so I can feel great about having some fun. I've never really managed to create a personal arsenal where I just go for years of doing nothing but hard work and no play, while not stressing out about it and still having a balanced life.

Looks like I'm going to have to get used to being bored or lonely for a long time and not blame it on anything now. What can I say, I'm starting to win at pointless arguments with some people who just like to argue their side is better and think their advice is top notch. I don't think I really need to argue with them anymore, or feel like my personality is dissipating from really paying attention and thinking like they are going to be driving me crazy. I think being natural is great and all, but there's a lot of work in myself that I see that I can improve now. I pretty much need to get a hold of the current situation and then just brainstorm a great, impacting idea. I'm going to have to let go of some personal entertainment for now because I don't really have time for them right now. After I'm set up and have some time for it, then maybe, I'll focus on some fun. For now, I need to lay off on all these ideas of how to have fun and deal with the dreaded emotions of having to work for a very long time without sometimes feelings like things are going nowhere. I'm going to try to use this writing to help me take a few minutes out of my daily living to meditate on reliable tasks that need to be done.

Being Immature

Yeah, I guess I was just being immature yesterday and that's part of life where I just act like a dumb coward on the inside while writing on this blog. I guess that's why it's an art form in a way because I get to express my own stupid ideas and feel dumb inside while in the real world, I'm just this guy who looks like he'll tear the whole room apart if someone calls him a goofball. I think that's why it's called the power of words to pretty much convey the foolish person that I really am, while in the corporate world, I'm just all suited up and well-behaved to try to get around. Outside the corporation, I get to fool around and try to break bricks with my bare knuckles while studying deadly martial arts like the way of the pizza cutter and failed gymnast fighting stances.

Being a dad in the real world, I'm going to be all serious and boring probably and rely on the affections of a very faithful and good wife who is a very grateful person. At last, a harmonious partnership with a good woman while I'm just a freaking scoundrel to little kids. Actually, I think I like babies and toddlers; maybe the whole dealing with kids who are monsters might be an unlikable phase I hope to avoid, but nonetheless if they're entrusted in my care, I have to succeed with them and failure wouldn't even be an option.

Looks like, I might belong to the 95% population in this world of dudes who sometimes feel preoccupied with sex. I just said that I might because do I really want to be brave enough to talk about those foolish times where I lack some confidence if some guys know what I mean? Okay, if little kids are reading this site because of its educational value, then err, I have to write about intimate stuff on my diary without writing it to make a fool out of myself like a crazy addiction problem that it might become. So sex is pretty much gender for the little kids right? Hi, I'm a writer of my boring life story and my sex is male. My mom and dad are like one of the same with each other and when they're old, they might hate me dropping off my kids to try to elope with the wife again to catch up on good times while on a great summer vacation in a tropical island of some sort. Hmm, finding ways to keep a relationship fired up might be my expertise because I've probably had more rejections and getting ignored rather than get bored of a relationship- so I have had to improvise in those situations quite a bit.

Reaching Strong Journeys

Oh baby, I'm feeling so egotistical right now that I could top Mr. Arnie the former Terminator. Actually, I hear he's coming back for another Terminator movie, but I think he would have to lose all that excess belly on his stomach. Maybe because he's unemployed right now after being governor then maybe that's why his wife wants a divorce? I wonder if it's just too common to even create a survey based on women kicking guys out of homes because the man just doesn't have a job.

I'm starting to figure out how to whoop everybody at this one video game, just that I don't really want to invest any time into it because what if, I get hooked onto a silly old game that nobody wants to play. I guess I see that I could visualize fun in my head with those video games and pretend that I'm kicking everybody's butt at a stupid kid's game when I'm by myself like a grown up loser. It sure beats going out and obtaining a DUI arrest. One time, I think a shot of champagne made me say that I could run a whole marathon, so if I was legally drunk then maybe I would wake up on the other side of town with sore legs. I'm too scared to get drunk because I need my brain cells to earn a living off of killing the stock market right now. Yeah, I'm a real big wuss running towards millions of dollars in the stock market in exchange for not going out for getting hammered or stoned. What's cool about the money is that nobody is going to call me up and act like I won the lottery if anybody finds out about it. I think I'll go hunting for some fresh meat in the charity world to make a contribution- what a fun way to encourage kids to empty their pockets when the parents are broke. 

Nothing Like Getting Over Feeling Rejected

There is absolutely and positively nothing like getting over feelings of rejection from others. It could have been said in many different ways, and the people doing it to you could also be quite unique in a negative way. It belongs to the pains of growing up- the best way to deal with these kinds of issues is to just be patient and seriously get to a point of understanding them and try not to get them to overreact even more. I initially didn't mean to get people to overreact because my personal writing just plain sucked and was all over the place. I didn't really have an idea what I was trying to get at also, so I also received a break in a way because my writing wasn't so heavily criticized as well by these people overreacting with me. Since I understand them now, it was just because they wanted to reject me for selfish purposes and that's it. Basically, nobody can really be around them in general because of these selfish intentions.

In a way, trying to work with these types of people is like trying to get an old mule to fart some more when there's nothing left in it to fertilize the field. Actually, my writing these days is a pretty good confidence builder so I see there's nothing wrong in it and if I hit a few rough patches along the way, it's not like I can not justify myself back into the promise land again with those people. There's something I really wanted to put on here- okay here we go, my memories are alive and well because I'm not feeling stressed out from writing on here and actually laughing internally about some good times I had. It doesn't matter what life throws at me dealing with people- I'll work with whatever I got now in terms of people and go prospecting for some more and if I can't reach some after making good efforts with them then so be it now. After I find my success which might arrive in about two years from me, I'll have some time to waste time by messing around with some of these people who want to just do nothing but reject me because of the past or something like that. It's going to be a lot of fun seeing their facial expressions and worth the risk of getting restraining orders to not see them- this time, it's going to be very difficult for them to get any legal repercussions on me without being a bunch of swines and murderers because I understand them.  

Going For The Big One

I guess my personality these days is to pretty much go for obtaining the most rewarding, fastest, and practical route to make a living. The greatest field in the job employment world in the current times is only hiring 50% of its applicants who are out of school, leaving the other half technically without a job still. There are one of two ways to look at it- half empty or half full. It's a lot easier to be optimistic if there's really no payments that have to be made and just keep shooting for a position without losing heart. I remember submitting thousands of resumes online and receiving a few calls even with just a meager looking resume for a related position. Therefore, it's not going to be impossible in finding interviews- the trick is going to about finding a way to get the door opened.

I made a mistake listening to people's generalizations in the past. Because of my popular major, everybody was expecting me to make a lot of money after getting out of school. However, I found myself to be with some setbacks; therefore, I went off to do some of my courageous acts that made me see how I'm a failure in the business world. My personality desires to be holistic with this approach of finding a suitable career or mate; therefore, I feel the struggles I've made have not been done in vain.

My personal solution is not a "One size fits all" type of direction because not everyone will be capable of going this route. One of my friends became lucky because of his connection with his dad in an industry and therefore, he landed a pretty stable job. My first job was pretty stressful, but I had a connection with a former friend who went bonkers and turned out to be quite evil. I developed more connections but I didn't grasp the opportunity when I had the time, and I regret making some tough decisions that didn't go my way. These moments are struggles that I want to believe that everybody has dealt with. However, acknowledging my poor performances and moving on to work hard without any more regrets is something that seems logical with successful people. That's where I'm headed.  

How To Get Out Of Debt

Okay for whatever reason, a person can put him or herself into an unlikable position which is becoming in debt. It's a really common thing that happens to a bunch of people, successful people or failures. Getting out of it can obviously be a challenge, but there's no need to lose hope when it does happen; there's a way out of the situation. My style of portraying a solution isn't really going to be laid out steps, but more like asking the interested reader to put him or herself in the best position which would be different for everybody.

I guess the first thing is to eliminate distractions that keep you from finding work- like there's really no time to watch those addicting you-tube videos even if you claim to be looking at helpful footage on how to live a better life. Secondly, I guess it's good to get plenty of rest and then think about your options and make sure it will be a happy road that you're going to be taking. Some things take awhile to make a decision, so there's nothing wrong about taking some time off from the world to think about it.

I also guess that it might be good to look at a debt consolidation firm to possibly lower your monthly payments and help end debt sooner- this is only really going to apply for credit cards and not for car payments or student loans. The main priority is going to be having to look for a job. I think it's a lot easier to be aggressive in finding ways to raise money if the person is really motivated to find a job. Sometimes, there could be a lot of misfortune that could take place and maybe, during that time, nobody is going to want to help. Those moments are going to happen for some people in debt and that's where they could do all sorts of weird stuff and lose in touch with some reality like the movie Fun With Dick and Jane- when that happens, it's going to require a bit of luck but the person shouldn't give up right there and stop trying to make payments. It may end up manning a position that nobody really wants to do, but an opportunity should logically open up for a person of any status without having to do a life of something iffy.  

Fixing Personal Matters

Finding a job right now that is in demand and can work for me while it doesn't fit for a lot of people is something that may actually work out. I mean I could prolong things with finding a job and make matters worse with my debt and all, but if I instantly have a job right now then at least it's safe assurance that I will have the money to pay off everything I owe, presuming that everything goes according to plan for me. There was this interesting moment with this one Hispanic male who played his guitar on a road divider and placed a sign that said he needed some help while he was still looking for a job and in supporting his four daughters. He sounded really horrible still, but despite my financial condition, I donated to him a few dollars and then the driver behind me probably stashed him a twenty or something like that.

I now realize something really important and will play a role for me advantageously. Despite me probably not being of the best interest to some people, I can accept it and understand it now even if it would mean they would be getting the short end of the stick now. When it comes to marriage, I'm finally seeing what's best for me now regarding it. For myself, I don't really care about the lady's social status or outward appearance where others would envy me being around her that much as supposed to how compatible I would feel with her and how much I'm in love with her. I would obviously weigh in a lot regarding her preferences and personality before trying to take the next step now; I would also look at mine too. I guess my general appeal is someone whose slightly younger than me or around the same age.

Remember how I've been writing about engaging in an intimate friendship with Betty haha (so contradictory). Well, she may not exactly be 1 older than me- maybe she's about 7 months older than me or something like that. I was asking people if we would still be considered similar in age, and I think their thoughts were pretty favorable for me so far. It was an interesting time to make those types of thoughts and to get a rough start with understanding a female's brain and emotions. I guess from having tried to explore it, despite some dumb requests to back off from some people who can't be that flexible about it; I gained some pretty useful insight that would still complement my personality nowadays.   

Appreciating Culture

I feel a little pressured right now to write something good. I guess I can make that a goal, which is to write something that is pretty tight sooner or later haha. Man, my mind feels so much relieved to not really have a weird people list anymore. I mean I feel like I'm more of a people's person these days after having gone through that transition for the last two years. I mean I've seriously forgiven them and am in the stage of having completely forgotten the pain I've felt with them. Obviously, I'm going to be logical here and notice their flaws still but that is completely independent to how I've seriously forgiven those former people on my weird list. Hey, it's not a hit list- it was more like a "Do Not Stalk" list so in a way I was protecting them and also keeping others from going in their harm's way through out the whole process.

It's going to be occasionally boring not really having some weird people to try to talk truthfully about on this blog. I guess that's where some people who want to become better at English can come along and read this blog if they really enjoy my style. I can seriously live with that now. I'm pretty boring man. I made this statement to random strangers online in a game chat room after they stated they were good girls (imaginatively in their sweetest and high-pitched voices) that what they said is a sign of weakness sometimes. They started laughing and asking me to explain- oh I understand what they meant about some implied lewd conduct. I'll keep that implied as well if some people can't catch my drift on here. Anyhow, I ended up drawing my emoticon like this =D and said okay to concur with them and they started laughing even more online. It's pretty interesting how some ladies like to think. It also seemed like the ladies were arguing with each other online after my comment, and I could feel the implied tension- a lot of things are internalized sometimes for women I think.

In this case, I guess being short doesn't matter haha. I might as well try to state that getting rejected for being a short person is not really a bad deal at all. It may hurt so much that the person may want to cry until the moon doesn't shine anymore, but it's not really that bad. I'm a walking, breathing, and talking short man haha. I might as well work out to see if I can lift only 300 pounds - I can only max out at 200 pounds right now for being a short man- oh well. I guess very built and strong-muscled men can be short too and act like they could lift a stadium on their shoulders too. I read online that some ladies were attracted to this little white guy whose really strong and has a six-pac- he's the shortest in his own posse and likes to break stuff the most to express his anger and frustration with the world. I even joked with my friend about what if a really short guy could break bricks and he was aiming low enough that would really hurt even with protection. Okay, being short could work out if it's done right; otherwise, it means getting whooped very badly at something- oh well, just accepting it is an okay solution that took me forever to comply with. I think I'm genetically not that short too for some reason, but I feel short- I don't know why.

Alright Seriously Now

This blog is getting so embarrassing for me and I'm still typing on it like it's a crazy addiction for me. Okay, now that I've seen some inspirational T.V. shows, I'm ready to pack up my bag over talking about some weird people now. I'm letting them go for good and I'm clearing up my weird people list, so nobody is on my weird people list now. As crazy as it sounds, if I created any damage then oops, I guess I didn't really mean to.  I'm honestly laughing about some things I wrote a few days ago and that's pretty much the end of the straw for me now so I guess my former weird people can feel a little relief now.

I guess it's time for me to move on now because I feel so inspired from watching a T.V. show now. Yeah, even if I feel mad about anything or feel like getting in a bad mood I'm just going to refrain from it now. Even if I have those lingering emotions that make me feel weird about something, I'm going to let it go now. I guess this blog is pretty much like talking to a dead mule now because it's just a boring site where I'm surprised that some people would even read up on my junk. Maybe, people who are interested in learning some English could read this blog if they like my style or something.

Pretty much, this incident of becoming a master over myself is happening. I can really feel it and I just know that I'm going to be reaching it. I'm just so close to it, and I need to just put more effort into it.

Recapping Overall

I guess now I'm pretty much getting myself to genuinely laugh about the weird stuff that happened in my life. Along with understanding the situations finally, it feels a lot easier to let things run more smoothly for me now. For this blog, I'm pretty much protecting the identity of most people but obviously if I say something like my little sister or my mom then I guess some people are going to know who they are regardless. I think the only ones I'm not really protecting and letting rip are the common names and also some people who seem to be a little weird to me. I think those people I think are weird are not really going to be that attractive for others to stalk or anything like that anyway, after I'm through with writing about them for the day.

I think there's this one story about different people who lack a sense of describing what it's like being around an elephant to a king. For example, there's a deaf man who can only see and this other guy can't see and only hear. Their versions of the story will obviously be slightly different, even though both may be completely honest with the king. In other words, I'm trying to be completely honest about some weird people, so I guess it's not really going to affect how their world is being ran anyway and besides, who would logically want to be around someone in other words stalk the person I try to justify to be weird anyway truthfully.  

This blog for me is surly becoming something useful for me. I guess I tried to let some weird people try to run my life and so now I'm stuck with identifying who they are occasionally and writing about them. They did claim to be helpers who knew everything about me, so yeah, I guess it's their fault for overreacting in general with me. By writing about them, I think I can protect other vulnerable people in general from being unaware of this possible drama formulating in their life and hopefully, they'll have the personal will power to be cautious about it and capable of moving on. Having this personal self-confidence in some friends and also about being honest will seriously allow me to stay out of trouble these days. 

I'm starting to see how I can make my life more productive and content and relaxing at the same time. I guess for starters I could ignore some fleshly feelings towards unavailable, attractive women. By doing so, it will seriously solve a lot on my 27-year old brain already. Secondly, I just need to solve a simple goal right now which is to pay off all my debts. What I'm looking at is just not putting my focus on things I don't need at the moment, in other words I shouldn't be overdoing the act of having fun right now. I have a pretty useful routine which is adjusting my game in playing with some stocks, so until the day comes where I finally have a masterful plan to profit in it, I'm going to continue to practice day trading and come up with different ways. Also, I pretty much have a job now that I could be proud of regardless of where I was in the beginning.

Preferred Memories

I think I may have an unfair advantage because maybe it's my masculinity that allows me to block out anything that I want to or something natural that allows me to forget something about the past. Therefore, if I feel anything negative regarding me then it's just logical for me to let it go because I'll come to terms with it anyway eventually. I mean I'm going to pay my respects and not go all bonkers all of a sudden now. I wasn't always capable of doing this rapidly but the point is that I'm finally able to cope with it and still work hard in some cool stuff and be okay around others.

Since this is a blog where I'm sometimes focusing on some of my dubbed nicknames regarding some people, I guess I can laugh about it a little now and not worry so much about how they're going to act now with me. I used to not appreciate liking Annie Tran (the one at the restraining order lady's church if she still goes there) whose on my weird people list right now haha. Okay, I'll explain a little- I'm not sure what caused me to be attracted to her a little still to this day because I think I've probably forgotten about it by now. She occasionally pops up in the weird and funny mind of F. Chick when I'm around him sometimes who says that he has the privilege of being able to stare at her legs or that he's going to be touching her all over and have her to himself. He even mentions that he's not going to get in trouble for it- I think it's inappropriate talk, but looks like he's just trying to cope with potential rejection by being negative. Okay, F. Chick is a failure and a chicken at the same time; hence, I call him Failure Chicken or F. Chick for short which is like an appropriate euphemism in comparison to the late announcer Chick Hearn.

I ended up dubbing Annie as Annie dear haha and Betty is still Betty bud (dy?) to me haha. I think I would like to call this one guy named Jarred who is associated around Annie as Y2R'ed baby haha; seriously his signature would have two R's in the name Jared, which is pretty unique I have to say. He could go by his middle name and I'll still call him Y2R'd baby haha. Anyhow, Annie dear didn't want to be my friend on Facebook and ended up blocking me on there. She kept on saying that there's no problem with me; okay, she doesn't want to be my friend but is okay with me talking to her- hmm, she seemed to smile at me sometimes or appear to give me the haunch that maybe she could potentially feel intimate with me? Okay, no thanks and if she ended up going to Australia to get married to someone there then what a sigh of relief for me- I'm serious haha. I've learned to cope with these angry emotions buried underneath me these days and not to let it get out of hand; I might be okay with never angrily arguing with anybody ever again and just be laughing if the other person acts a little psychotic with me. It would be easy for me to not really fight with someone really close to me- this would have to be my later significant other. In other words, it's been getting a lot easier to let someone weird and a little annoying to me like Annie or F. Chick move on with me not feeling that affected by it so I guess my memories and coping skills are becoming very good these days.  

How To Lose Weight

I'm going to keep it simple for myself or anybody else who is in my situation. Note, I have a pretty heavy frame set because at 5' 4" now I would look really skinny at 155 pounds. I also look like I've gained a little weight if I reach about 175 pounds, so I have to be right at about the middle of 160 pounds to look normal for my overall frame. Maybe, that's why I don't have what people would call Short Man Syndrome because I'm a little on the heavy side anyway with a pretty average body everywhere else except for having a below average height. The Short Man Syndrome or Napoleon Complex is supposedly also associated with jealousy too in relationships, which some consider to be a little healthy because of the person's desire to want to happily be with the spouse.  

I remember signing up for the army during the time of chaos and where soldiers who went to Iraq were supposedly going to risk their lives very heavily. My parents and younger sibling just couldn't bear the thought of me leaving and forced me to not go. It's pretty interesting because if I had still gone, I would have been out of the army by now and during the time where the U.S. finally captured and killed Osama bin Laden after exchanging fire. It's really hard to make personal sacrifices after the decision you make for people ends up being a disappointment in the end. I guess sometimes you have to lead with something, regardless of annoying the people around you like crazy and hope it contributes to the best; otherwise, just make some changes. The reason why I bring up the army is because I was a lot smaller at about 145 pounds and 5' 2.5" while almost everybody told me how I looked really small. Looks like I was naturally given a pretty heavy frame set so I can't really get rid of the weight that's associated with my height. I was thinking about being a jockey but the weight has to be about 115 pounds which is laughably too little for me even though the average jockey height could be somewhere between 5' 3" to 5'5".

What has contributed to losing weight for me the best is just doing aerobics or playing basketball outdoors on a hot summer day by yourself and get a good looking girl in a bikini to try to put a move on you. This is a true story, haha because I was living in a pretty upscale dorm that had a pool and basketball courts that nobody wanted to play in. It's sometimes the determination that becomes the winning factor I guess; hey, now that I think of it, I think Jarred Taing and Chris Kuch (over at that church with the restraining order lady) both were displaying the Short Man Complex with me. Even some police officers I ever come across at the restraining order lady's city also had the same problem too. Man, they were seeking attention and wanted me to listen haha. I was like no way, eventually because they were not seeing it like the times I whooped them in chess.

Note I Wrote For Betty =)

I really want to get this note out of my sight now, so I'm going to just record it on this blog and just get rid it of now. I'm going to e-mail this note to Betty personally too. I wanted to actually call her up and read it but nah, I don't feel like putting that much effort into it anymore. I'm happy to know whatever her decision is, I can still work around it and make it so that I have enough freedom to do the same thing to her, so the power comes from understanding and still not exacting any revenge on her. This is the note for Betty:

"Betty, I came to ask you out. That's the reason why I came and you're not the weird type like Annie and Lee are. Weird people stick together and there's someone among them who becomes sort of an outsider and ends up doing something brilliant- that person is you.

I expect you to reject me quite a bit. I'm really seriously serious about us just being friends right now. I choose you. I forgive you, care for you, and love you. I'm sorry, I don't know what I need to apologize to you about, but I'm willing to figure you out and get to know you better."

Wait A Minute, It's Normal

Here I am after feeling all this frustration and anger buried underneath me, realizing the normality of people not liking you over something and then literally making efforts to ban you from their life. It could be any reason, no matter how small it is, in my case haha.

The people who have allowed themselves to be in my life are at least good people to me and they have come to accept me for who I am. I don't mind this at all now, no matter how many peers feel influenced by any reason with whatever comment I made to try to disown me as a friend now haha. It doesn't matter if they said it's weird with whatever my profile says or whatever man, even if I'm currently making stuff about myself being in a relationship with someone during the 9-11 attacks. It just feels nice to associate it with myself like that- no matter how controversial it may seem.

Here comes the interesting portion, I finally made the move to block Darunee Lee Wong (Facebook version) or the long form is Wongstapadat (haha) on my Facebook profile because of our 27 mutual friends. This should avoid any complications during her restraining order request for me to not to talk to her or anything even though she was the one to approach me to try to change me over something. The only reason why I put up a fight is because I wanted the chance if I fell in love with the lady she tried to institute me to not to talk to. Also, they allowed me to still visit them and so it doesn't make sense to sort of be like hypocritical. Therefore, I tried to meet them half-way point in the second month. Actually, I did live up to the three month period agreement; at least I passed the second month so, I was in my third month already haha. It wasn't really about my showing up to the group that bugged them; it was because they felt so disrespected and refused to understand the situation- I can actually force them to see it now and they won't obligate themselves to become like that anymore, so I end up winning here actually. I do all of this while feeling like a very short man at 5' 4", but I wouldn't mind being 4'5" at the moment just to illustrate my point. I'm a heavy person man who can only do like two pull ups at the heavy weight of 170 pounds- man, I'm so heavy (actually added 10 pounds), so in the camera I could look like a 200 pounder if it adds 10 pounds. Overall, I COULD HAVE WON MY DEFENSE IN COURT, IF I DIDN'T RELY ON THE FEMALE LAWYER WHO TRIED TO BE FRIENDLY WITH ME AFTER. Man, I'm not going to rely on lawyers over restraining orders anymore- as long as I'm not paying Darunee Lee any money or losing money in some way, I don't care if she doesn't want me to be around her, and next time, I'll have some fun trying to make it hard for it to not pass now. I want a third round of someone putting a restraining order to actually happen; I'm crazy like that and because I know I'm going to have fun in the process of making it disappear.

I'm feeling excited for Betty Lam (if she still goes to that church with the restraining order loser) because F. Chick told me that she was getting married. I'm a little hazy on my thoughts about Annie Train (Betty's colleague) getting married, but if she does it then good for her. With Annie and Betty out of the way, there would be really no cue for Darunee or anybody else at that church to continue to feel like I did something wrong. In a way, I benefit from them settling down. I see myself as not really being against Betty so in a way, I'm really happy for her. I also forgave F. Chick yesterday night by coming over to his room that he stays at in his parent's house. We actually hung out for the first time in a long time, and I didn't really make a big deal about it. I just did it finally because it just makes sense for me to do it as soon as possible. I'm really against F. Chick associating with that church because he doesn't seem to be making any progress and that it would be good if they let him go. In addition to my fiery comments that will get more people to try to run away from me, they can run but they can't hide because they have to put some effort into it and it will be highly difficult and I'll do everything I can to make it discouraging for them now. I'm here to play for keeps and for real this time.

Random Relgion

I just couldn't find a title so I ended up putting the word 'random' and then the next word that first popped out of my head. I think if I practice this then maybe, I could be the owner of a cool title someday in the world in a matter of say forty seconds.  I couldn't help resist but think about interesting and catchy titles for video games- I just wanted to do it for fun a little before getting to my personal chores today.

How's about the title Man Date? I was also thinking about a lot of violent titles but out of the purposes of weird people who can sometimes pop up in your life somewhere when you're not intending them to be there at that moment, I'm not going to let him or her think that I'm going to kill that weird person because I'm not going to yeesh! It's a lot easier to let women walk freely for me over some incident like supposedly some French movies and novels cater to. For example, I read a book by Agatha Christie once with this famous French detective- it was so boring in the beginning but then it got so exciting when the story reached its climax. Something about the Hindenburg (old German blimp) going down in flames and then this unexpected female character turns out to be an acrobat who kills a black mailer for the purposes of saving a life and is also a murderer! The ending is something like the female killer who wants redemption is going to get a lesser sentence in prison because she's a pretty lady appearing before a French judge haha.

Here some are more game titles that I was thinking of: Hmmm, How To Make A Million Dollars In One Minute, My Name Is ____. Man I wish I could mention some violent titles on this blog, but this is just for the sake of not catering to the weird emotions of some messed up people who think I'm a downright killer just for mentioning it.

Oh yeah, I remember some titles that might appeal to some females- The Heart of Solace, Girls Rule The World !!!, Terminus Dominatrix... Okay, I'm packing up the fun for the day and going to work out now lightly and then work on making a killing off the stocks and then prepare for hanging out and work next week. 

Taking On New Heights

I sort of like the wording, so I just have to use it to pretty much start off the day for myself. I guess this blog serves as a purpose of self-motivating myself. It also gives me some room to practice written observations and also honest details without getting so worked up. In a way, this style of writing has its benefits for me because I'm pretty much less shy of a person than I used to be and much more confident in what I'm about representing. I believe that it was really all a part of me naturally that caused me to get to this state of hopefulness in my blog. I'm a lot less bothered about things these days because I have some room to appropriately laugh about stuff by being confident in what I'm communicating especially in writing these days. I no longer feel this obligation to meet some unsound demands from people anymore.

What's even better is that I can handle people yelling at me about anything now and pretty much get away with it because I'm not really doing anything criminal like or with that type of intention in the first place and that they're just being weird enough to make me feel like laughing. It does not matter if a person wants to feel like it means the world that I have to stop doing something that is agitating the person now too and so I'm not worried at all if he or she wants to leave me feeling alienated or something anymore. Living life around people is basically a natural thing, and I believe that weird people with all of those interesting and funny signs dealing with their actions and the environment they surround themselves around will really pop up eventually and show itself to others.

There's no need to get worked up over it and just sort of be natural about it- just don't let them smell that blood of fear underneath yourself and be extremely stable personally no matter how much it feels like it's bugging you. I understand how to have these types of stoic emotions now over something genuinely hurtful and annoying in the smallest terms with people- this type of interaction is something that average people want to avoid but I've developed something that allows me to withstand it now. I think it just foreshadows that I'm a pretty content person living a pretty successful life. 

Ignoring the Right Things

I think sometimes we're stuck with people that we wish we could appreciate a little more and sort of need to be like accepting them at the same time. This is really tricky because it's sometimes really hard to continue to hang out with somebody after understanding all of the person's flaws and how the person doesn't really want to change who he is. Yeah, it can get pretty frustrating for some people, and I guess that's why I think it's a little funny.

I've come to an interesting realization that I need to not focus on some things and stay motivated to get on a successful path. I have these interesting feelings that could supposedly be a hardcore rocker's mentality on aggressive behavior all the time over little things and about staying pumped up with one-sided fantasies. I haven't really picked up an electric guitar because I still prefer rocking on a piano for some reason; I just love and appreciate the sound that comes out of a piano.

A lot of my weird fantasies that involve with me trying to let go of a grudge and old crushes usually entail me wanting to say bad words haha. I don't really situate myself with bad words around people- I'll probably just be like "Oh boy" or say that I believe in a hell. I had a hard time referring to a donkey as an ass because I thought those lettering were inappropriate haha. Since the Bible uses it, I guess I'm okay with it now. The Old Testament's advice in the King James version (maybe the archaic sense of today's terminology) is don't become stubborn as an ass in your selfish indulgence of sinning.

Overall, I think it's just good for me to contain those energetic moments and not panic about getting so psyched. I guess there really needs to be hard work somewhere, and I remember working with some passionate and older people who hate working with people that suck at their craft haha. I understand my personal situation now and what I really want to do. It's going to take a little effort to get to the right direction, and I hope to get there now that I'm about actively adjusting my personal thoughts and work ethic.