Just work at it

Okay this is so hard because life is not that easy. Okay I'm just randomly writing something right now. I'm just going to make this thing really short today. It does not matter what I am putting here as long as I put something down here everyday. It's time to add in some consistency to the best of my ability and to use the stuff that are more worthwhile and going for.

Finishing What You Started

There's a list that I am going shamelessly put in what I'm going to finish now. Right now, I am an independent contractor who has several opportunities if I am willing to travel far and am smart in how I manage my hours. I am also in line for the cool job with employment.

Here's my list that I'm going to finish if I make it so far in life:

1. Make a video game

2. Write a book

3. Convince some girls to let others see me on their facebook profile. =D (more on this later)

4. become employed at a radio station

5. get a license to drive a stupid bus

6. become a trained medical transcriptionist

7. put a website while applying all this naughty training with earning money

8. become an all-around I.T. expert

9. grow taller, get a six-pac, become a triathlon athlete

10. start giving money away (that I earn from having good cash flow) like crazy to good charities and wonderful organizations like a good Biblical based ministry.

What can I do?

This is really dumb writing about all the other jobs out there that I could do when I already have a job. Nonetheless, I'm going to write this one really fast. I don't care what I'm putting here so I'm going to analyze some situations for myself.

Life is hard and sometimes our psychological situations make it really hard for us to continue working, but it's through tough times and remaining good and living under the principles of the Bible that I believe any man can find peace and happiness while living on this world. Overall, you gotta just do what you have to do.

These are the opportunities that have stuck with me so far even under all this trouble in finding a job and stuff like that. I might as well detail it because it does not matter if people want to follow it or not or even be like the last person on the world to be treated to it. The reason why they may not be so popular is because you have to personally invest your money into it. It also takes time to finish the training. These things are such a hassle in its actuality and really force people to compromise. That's probably why they are like the most annoying jobs to apply for no matter how much they say they don't want you. Everybody would like a job where you don't have to put any money or additional time into it and then get paid a grip load. Unfortunately, I'm seeing a lot of jobs where anybody is being taken as long as they put some money into. That's what I hate the most sometimes about commission-related work. Even a restraining order can't really affect you from obtaining one of these jobs as you commit to it and finish the program.

1. Bus driver : you basically get a bus permit and then drive a stupid yellow bus that you order around and maintain kids under peaceful situations. Minimum start up is about $100 to pay for the cat-scan and bus license fees.

2. Mystery Shopper: you get paid some money as long as you fill out the forms properly. Minimum start up is about $25 to get a Silver Certification.

3. Medical transcriptionist: you get to work at home transcribing words that doctors record in speech. You then have to put all of his talk on paper and make it professional so everybody can be happy and manage medical information on a patient.

4. Car dealership: it's still around. The business may be so bad right now but people still work at the location and some places are doing better than others. Despite the economic problems, people still need cars and I think used cars can make a dealer a lot more profit than a new car.

5. Military/Police force: if you are still young and possibly thinking about serving the country. It might be a way to go, but it all depends on the person.

6. Radio D.J. - by responding to some ad, some radio stations need a little more help to maintain their station around the clock.

7. Internet marketing: if it's true about what some stories I read claim, you could be cashing in some huge stock-piles of money if you know where to put in your money.

8. Technology: This is something that depends on every other person. There are a lot of certifications that you could study for but these exams are pretty expensive and can a lot of time to cram and really take awhile to absorb what is needed.

9. Study law or medicine or anything requiring a license or registration with what people need (ex. optometry, dentistry, dermatology, financing/accounting). It also can be bad if you accumulate debt and don't really like the job or bail out after awhile.

10. Real estate: it's a pretty huge gamble investing in some nice homes to sell, but if the timing is right and you provide pretty good service. I'm sure it's worth the passion in selling a home to happy customers. People can make a lot of money selling homes.

11. Stock market: people have been known to grow broke or get really rich. This is a game that's pretty difficult to play but when the opportunity arises from all the studying and researching you put into it, you really end up big. You do need a side job to invest some. I think this is more like a supplement to your primary job, but if you are willing to risk it all then maybe this might not be that bad instead of taking the money to a casino.

12. Self-contracting: you name it basically- for me maybe becoming a free-lance writer would be fun for me but such a huge struggle and gamble. I would seriously need to balance my time a lot better and hope that the family I love to serve would understand my situation and be patient and understanding with me.

Personal conclusion/opinion:

okay, what should I do from here on out? Just do whatever because all of these options are not really that bad as long as I'm making something right now who really cares when it comes to providing for others and not being a pest to this world. I think I'm going to leave out the military part because I'm sort of reaching an age where my pride level is not really where it used to be. I want to leave the position open for those who really want to be in the front line and truly protect this country from a threat that is trying to get to us. It would be exciting to be out there and to really fulfill a goal in a team-working environment. God's always watching the children of God and has a place for them. I think praying for the soldiers' family is something that we could do sometimes.

Writing to Perfection

I don't mean to sound so egocentric. I'm just sort of messing around with this blog right now. I don't really care what I'm putting here because it's like my place of just releasing everything that I need to say. I heard from my little sister that this one guy started writing all this bad stuff about other people and built a bad reputation for himself because it sounded like he was making stuff up. People would go on the blog and start reading all that interesting gossip that happened. That's pretty funny and evil at the same time.

I read on Wikipedia this one baseball player wrote something bad about his former teammate who was a closer on a team that made the World Series. The pitcher became so mad at the shortstop that he felt that everybody close to him wanted him to beat the later so badly on the baseball field. Sure enough, he had already plunked the player twice with the ball when they faced each other on opposite ends! It's like everybody close to baseball sort of knew it was coming and had to cover their face or just make a gesture to laugh about it.

Sticking To Good Values

Okay, this is just having fun again. I'm going to start working really hard and now I'm going to deal with the high point and low points of my life in the season that I have already gone through. In the past, it might been pretty difficult for me to understand some situations, but now I'm doing pretty well. I'm not worried about a lot of stuff anymore and just need to work very hard. Being as real as possible seems to be good for me. To really stick to the principles of the Bible, it's really making me realize the freedom that is associated with it. The goodness that is so much a part of it. The peacefulness and satisfaction I get out of it is so much of a marvel for me. I want to really live in the truth, while being aware of everything that is going on in this world. I'm pretty much ready to see how the world could sure use the righteous savior in this lifetime. To go above myself and do the right things and to never worry about being in a high or low position with myself.

Having Fun Today

I guess I'm having some fun today. I really need to start working very hard again. That's pretty much what I'm writing about and focusing on. I guess it's good to bring in the $$$ so you can give all of it to the world. All your hard earned cash. Yes, it's really good to give all of it to someone who really needs it in this world- to the baby who cries all night and does not know what to do with it so you need to help the baby to some healthy vegetables before he or she starts complaining about it. Oh you can promise the kid an ice cream with the super waffle cone every once of in awhile for eating well. That's pretty nice. We all need a little fat in our lives- maybe that fat is microscopic with the muscles that can burn an athletic dude's six pack but other than that I think I'm fine in working up a six pack abs. Yes, it's really hard to do even with medication but medication is too painful for me realizing how it could be dangerous and unnatural. I'm going to just struggle to get a six pack and hopefully get it some day after climbing a couple thousand mountains in the U.S.

Second Post

It's Christmas Day and I'm writing something again. I'm just trying to hit the quota of having a post per day at the end of the month. This is where I don't expect anything to happen for me. To just be normal about circumstances and everything. Being a really laid back and down-to-earth type of guy seems to be very good. To enjoy the fruits of labor for the future, I really need to be so diligent. Am I going to change everything about myself? Most probably, not. I don't think this is really healthy in trying to communicate with someone you really want to pursue after, especially when you don't try to communicate anything directly with her in this blog.

Merry Christmas!

Hello, I missed a blog post yesterday because I was really busy. I'm just going to type really fast right now and make something up. My life right now is about working very hard for all that I know and being content with myself. What I life should be more about is loving Jesus. There's someone that I really like right now and I'm just typing stuff away so it seems like this place is just annoying someone I don't even come in contact with. =( Unfortunately, I don't know everything that I should know.

This is my mistake. I became so frustrated about everything and created lots of damage to myself. I thought being frustrated was one of my strongest points, yet it's a buildup where others felt I was sort of weird. I'm starting to see this egocentricity that I had for myself. I should not have gone that direction, ever and it's really difficult to be always good; despite being around people who try to challenge you. I remember the emotions that occurred when this happened with me doing this to other people. These details are so candid for me right now that I'm making some noise that's easy to overlook. I need to look at the right places now.

Just Writing

It's just another beautiful morning today, as Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I am looking forward to having a good time for the winter. I'm not really stuck on the events that happened to me, and I'm very fortunate that with some of the things I've done, I'm still not in prison. It's been quite a ride for me, and I'm starting to understand things a little better. It just takes time and a lot of patience in dealing with some people who seem to be making you feel lots of trouble. I mean, everybody has their own level of preference in how to do things. It takes a lot of heart to progress and overcome circumstances and obstacles.

For me, I've found something covert to do which is definitely legal in making an earning. I have some nepotism with my dad's company because they feed me free gas whenever I need it. This means that I could drive to Las Vegas whenever I want to and never worry about gas, except for oil changes. I still technically have free oil changes with a car that I bought awhile ago. I guess if you have a functional brain and willing to do things a little off (not morally corrupt jobs) to compensate for the nation's lack of economic activity, then it seems like there are still endless opportunities. Being one-dimensional has its disadvantages.

Christmas Time Is Around The Corner

Sometimes life deals you a hand that you don't really want to deal with. It's important to still be diligent and to try with all your ability. Even if results don't occur after everything you've given, I'm sure there's a way to get around it. It's really hard basically to get there. I guess always writing may sometimes be a waste of time. I believe that my personality is leading me to a hard work ethic where I will be working very long hours in whatever I decide to do. I might as well become really smart with my time management now. Becoming free from any obligations will be a reward that I can find so fulfilling and to really worship the Lord for.

Enjoying Stuff

Even though the past created such a diversion in my life, it's long passing now. Especially with Christmas Eve coming up, there is so much for me to look forward to. There are still a few individuals who are still a past shadow in my life, who I need to diligently labor with. I'm being pretty extremely open with them of late now and really surprising someone a lot I know. This really happens a lot with me pretty often. I'm a little different- I know. Communicating has never been so much fun.

No need to be so mad...hmm, oh really?

Okay this posting is going to obviously only offend those who are trying to find something bad with me. I'm not going to make it that easy and be so open in this blog for those types of people. Obviously, it seems like writing nothing but good stuff about myself would be a plus for me right?

Especially if I'm not around those people who have sort of been a lost cause with me, then I guess it's going to even offend them even more if they look at this posting. I don't know why this seems to be the case for me, but I'm just going to rely on what I did in the past to sort of help me see through some things for the future. It's a hard world out there, but what's so important is continuing in the path of surrendering to God. I'm not really in the mood for cracking out of my faith; however, it took a lot of applying some personal tests to get to the faith that I'm currently in.

I really need to stop being so punctual in this world with everything now. I refuse to see myself going through a hard time and being so frustrated now. It's a decision that I need to be constantly making for myself. No matter how hard the world gets to you or others do things that really pull your strings. No matter these things because God's love brings me an abundant life.

Feeling Good

Today, I'm finally settling in really great. What I mean is that everything is feeling good for me. I see the good side of things for myself, and how I could really try to make things better for everybody else. I think pursuing after Jesus is really making me become more in touch with myself. It's really helping me to see some nice possibilities and to not really worry about things that much. I really see how I can really persist on some things and how I should really be thinking now. I'm not at all fully bothered with anything anymore. I think I'm totally ready to really live a good life of freedom.

My plans are to add a Christmas tree to the living room and to continue working out while finding the good stuff to develop on. I'm not worried at all with the things that happened to me anymore. I think I really see where the good is really lying.

Getting Over It

I'm writing in such a cryptic manner right now on this blog, that it's so generalized but making sense to me at the same time now. Basically, I'm starting to connect with my own writing like never before and also feeling confident about using it to communicate with other professionals.

We are all born in this world with certain DNA characteristics. Some of us want to be taller, others a little shorter, some want to weigh less, some want to be more better looking, and it goes on. It's so hard to get away with me making fun of girls sometimes if they agitate me so much by saying stuff about their appearance in an indirect way without calling them really gross names. There are just about no girls who will ultimately agitate me about 24-7, except for my little sister.

Even though DNA gets in the way, I still can't help but think about getting taller. I don't want to do this with surgery or anything controversial. I want to grow all natural, but to foster it based upon what I've purchased it's going to take a lot of hard work and some aches with having to stretch your spinal cord everyday or decompressing your bones by hanging on a bar and jumping as high as you can daily. Swimming also seems to be a great way to contribute to growth. Lifting weights is also pretty positive as long as you don't do exercises standing up with heavy weights- that will really stunt your growth while comparing that to some urban myths. Being a short guy with big muscles seems to be acceptable as well.

What matters in the long run is having a REALLY GOOD PERSONAL ATTITUDE. There is no time and space where you cannot get a better job. I believe that money and looks do not necessarily get you all the girls. It's better to save your virginity to focus on the woman you've been accustomed to not worrying about and really trusting in a normal relationship, then to waste it away with other distractions. It also takes work and tons of good chemistry that really should be natural and not forced upon anybody.

Where Do I get To This Point, Before I have fun.

Money does not really grow on trees. It's really something that I've known for a very long time. Right now, I'm trying to figure out a way where I could make money legitimately without having to do that much effort. It also should not have to require of my attention to begging others of their resources. I want it to be based on something that I get really excited about and can enjoy. I want to be focusing my attention on the more serious cares of this world. Like making more friends, hanging out with my date, contributing to society, and loving Jesus most of all. I also would like to build confidence to go out to the gym and know how I could be a servant to my brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Possible Endeavors

I'm going to continue writing about stuff. The trick is not to get so frustrated about anything and to remain cool about it while doing what I'm supposed to do.

I have a way of making some money legitimately right now even though I don't really like the job that much, it's something for right now and I hope to do it temporarily. I'm going to have to just be very diligent at it and eventually get to where I really want to be.

Managing Through All This

I'm starting to live with a better positive attitude for myself. I feel really great about what I have to offer, and I need to not feel so let down with myself especially when I feel that I want to mean well with anything that I'm doing. Despite a lot of bizarre chain reactions that try to frustrate me, I need to lift myself above that surface and really become better at it.

I now need to live in pursuit of managing my time a lot better and being a more improved person mentally, physically, and spiritually. I'm going to start listening to others and not let it really overflow my heart with frustrations now. I'm totally better than all this that has happened to me. I'm pretty much the same spirited person I was since I learned to accept it in lieu of people by loving others with respect and honoring Christ in my heart.

I'm going to have to become diligent like crazy and take some financial risks when I can afford it.

I really need to prioritize a lot better and be more alert and well-focused in life right now. I need to be diligent and really not get so frustrated with myself about anything. The best thing to do is just keep trying and working really hard at it, until you get there. There are no regrets that you should possess for something you should see as very healthy and positive and really reinforcing in a great way.

I need to now really try very hard and not worry about all the mishaps in my life. I need to really manage my time a lot better so that I have time to really do things that I like doing. I need to stop wasting my time and energy now. It looks like I'm not a very desperate and frustrated person as others have been with me. These types of people are very difficult to deal with for me, and I have been dealing with several of them at the same time. It pretty much does not make them very well-off individuals. I'm pretty much going to be different in a better and nicer way even if they try to hide themselves and continue being this selfish.

Releasing Problematic Feelings

I know that many people have this issue while they are growing up, like the people I was around. They were not really that aware of how I was paying attention to them speaking, while I was really confused and quiet. I have been told countless times that I am pretty cool. People have often been confused by me especially those who have been a lost cause. I'm just that good at confusing them like that and then start saying what I need to eventually. I'm not going to talk about the worst stuff about myself obviously and in return I'm also not going to spill out names who were really bad with me right away. I'm just letting go of all my frustrations with people who confused me a lot for a long time because they're words and actions were contradictions. They were pretty much liars and pretty evil about this stuff. It brings a lot of laughter now to really think about how they were evil, and it was really bothering me but now I'm not frustrated with it anymore. I'm doing really fine.

Understanding the meaning of letting go

This is really important sometimes because in life, people can sometimes be a jerk and set you up in some trial you don't want to be in. This has really happened with me. I'm understanding that my side I was being really sensitive and very frustrated at the same time. It was so hard to overcome this area and not do criminal activities with these people. I'm sort of hacker too man if I want to be because I have a degree in Computer Science, not the business-oriented side, the side that focuses on the architecture of computers. Haha.

I'm just kidding about being a hacker, of course. I think I'm really finding a lot of new things in my life and enjoying a feel of a better sense of freedom and maturity. I'm not going to be a mean guy anymore or really hurt other people. I'm just going to be nice about everything to the best of my ability. Even though people may see things a little differently, I have to do my best to explain things without being selfish in general. It's not all that hard to do, if you manage to let go of all your frustrations. I need to explain things without raising my voice and appearing fully angry about things. It's happened with me a few times, and I got away with them but it's not healthy on the long-run and I know that evil people out there would want to get that angry and cause anarchy. I'm just not in the mood for that stuff anymore.

Putting On More Weight and Less Fat

Okay this posting is purely just messing around little with myself and developing better inner humor as I write this. It's just a pretty humorous oxymoron in my opinion. I can see how it might have its usage for someone who is really skinny and needs to add weight. Maybe he just works out so much and then starts gaining muscle, so it really sort of it makes sense actually. Wow, I thought it really wouldn't work out.

With this example that I just described, that's how it is in an argument sometimes. We all need to contribute to our statements that can look logically like a contradiction. I've been sort of bashing or in a less offensive sort of conduct berating someone in writing (hehe), which is definitely uninvited by the whole universe but not really constituting to harassing, because they fail to justify their accusations or points that can aggravate someone like me. In a way, making a point with another accusation like this person has been doing with me and is now trying to hide his face from the whole world, which I need to work with on encouraging him back to good health; is really adding in more contradictions. I spoke with a lawyer and tried to describe it and, she was like "What" the whole time. Haha.

There's A First Time For Everything

I'm just writing this post really quickly and don't expect anything out of this. I am now feeling that there could be someone whose trying to lay out a stupid trap with me. Haha. I think it makes that person very inconsiderate and someone who is about taking away someone's freedom to state whatever is true to his heart. Haha.

This was sort of fun to write that. I'm just practicing my chops by trying to flow a little. I understand that I'm really trying to make ends meet right now and I'm having so much trouble understanding my issues sometimes because it deals with another person. I'm just going to keep writing. I plan on going to this upcoming writer's meeting group now. I look forward to finishing this cheesy story that I'm turning into a novel and let them read it. If it gets published then that's cool, if not then I'm going to pay to have it customized and look like a novel with some independent publishing company. Maybe it will go into the public domain file because it's so cheesy and a fun hobby at the same time for me.

Making Money With Spare Time

I guess I'm really focusing a lot of hard work and attention on doing what I can to make more money on the side while I work with my primary job. My main focus right now is to get the Master's set up and get a really good cash flow so I don't really have to worry about the money and use it to contribute in this world the way I know. I think it's really all about hard work to get to where you want to go. For me, working hard to help out in this world is something that excites me now. I really feel very encouraged to just work hard and be of service to others and to really make an earning that could contribute to the well-being of others.

I'm starting to realize that I should never have been frustrated in the beginning. I should have always put stuff behind me. That's what I have been missing this whole time. Even though a few people I know have been acting out really sick and weird with me, I still am going to love them Jesus-style. Hehe. I don't need to feel frustrated about their own folly, and how it put me in their cross-fire. I should not have been feeling so frustrated at them in the beginning and talking in a nervous manner. That was my mistake and now I've grown from this and know what their mistakes were and can happily live in this world that I know right now. As I constantly repent and run away from my old sins, I'm finding more freedom for myself than I ever knew.

Started Working Out

I sort of started to work out yesterday. It was just doing some fancy stretches that supposedly increase flexibility to your spine. If all goes well, I may look about two inches taller, which would be nice for me. Haha. If not, oh well it was fun buying the book and doing something different. It supposedly takes about 27 weeks to see some true gains. I totally wonder if it's going to work, so I'm going to also add in what I'm supposed to be eating. I'll be working with weights as well just to see how my progress ends up. It's pretty nice that I also built a database form to log while I work out. It's a cool incentive for me. I don't have any trouble feeling I'll keep up with it. Time for me to go back out there and earn some money to pay off my education. Haha.

Just Amusing Myself Truthfully

Just feel like messing around with this posting today. I'm my usual self as I have always been. I just added a little extra baggage to my life, out of trying to observe good character. Wow, life can sometimes feel that way. Where you really want to strive at doing something, but the circumstances just keep pressuring you to fall off your mule. Hehe.

I know that many controversies people wanted to say I had are actually not linked with me anymore. It's linked with them, and they are going to be affecting a lot of people pretty negatively on the long run. Haha. It does not matter whether they want to avoid my writing on this blog or not. They still are going to be influencing others in a deceitful pattern. I totally understand this perception, which is related to putting aside what's tempting me to do something selfish. It is then releasing that energy by applying myself in love with these totally misled people. Haha. It's a lot easier for me to spot them because I have memories of my childhood where a few friends turned on me temporarily and really hurt me. Man, that boy wanted to fight and was acting pretty crazy. I'm all like "Let's 'restle" because I'm so confident I could sit on him while weighing in at about 180 pounds while I was 4' 11". People would be like no way to that description, but yeah I was pretty chunky back then. Haha. Surprising how I eventually disciplined my diet and exercise to avoid a health hazard. Haha.

Just Filling In Something

I'm starting to really get a little more patient with my life. I guess that's a good thing. I'm not sure what to write about right now, except that it's going to take a little effort and practice to stay focused while I'm working on something. I guess I'd like to get some muscles and work out a little more to add in to the work that I'm currently doing. Hehe. Yeah, that sounds pretty cool. I'm also going to need to read the Bible to finish out the year. I'm doing okay now totally and don't see anything wrong with how I've sort of been thinking. I guess I'm ready to make some big improvements with my life right now.

Setting Personal Stuff Aside

I realize that I'm really better than some people I'm dealing with right now. I know that I'm supposed to just set aside my personal feelings that are not feeling the resolve part. It's been distracting me a lot. Without yelling and turning my thoughts into guilt, I turned to humor and trying to be nice and the best I can be. I can sort of feel proud about this accomplishment, even though it's not that much with me. These people I have been dealing with are actually pretty small in their status. I can now not feel so offended listening to comments or feeling so bothered when I see a cop around. I know what I'm capable of doing and what my rights are and how I will be improvising to keep those unalienable rights upon myself and others without doing anything bad which comes from observing the law of God.

It's a great struggle and much better than just feeling like a sloth. I'm pretty much growing into a more bigger individual now and feel so much better. I don't feel so bothered listening or reading bad comments about myself anymore. I know who I am and what I want to stand for. I'm still not going to let this pressure that they sort of been fostering in a negative way to keep me from helping others in the world. I'm still going to exercise agape love to the best of my ability and to what I know Jesus has done for me. The main things that I'm focusing on is trying to release my frustrations in the most healthy matter. It does not deal with talking to some professional. I know what they are, and if I did not end up in prison for it even though they said I would then I'm practically fine. Haha. I know the consequences now, and how it's going to affect them if they are to add me back in to their lives. I know how I'm going to remain- the best as ever and making room to improve even better and to help others in this world. I feel pretty good. It's all of these thoughts on my father's birthday today. Hehe.

Okay

I'm okay. Just need to relax. I'm doing fine. I really need to just go in and do what I can. I do have what I'm looking for. It looks like I need to keep searching around for bigger opportunities and investing in a company. Right now, I really am going to have to do the best I can. I am going to have to do things that are not very well thought upon by others. Just have a simple job and feeling good about a work that you can go everyday to is such a cool feeling.

What I'm looking for deals with helping others. I would also like something related to technology. I am going to be studying a lot and building upon more knowledge because I need to do this. I need to go out there and work, so I can build some money to test on other things. As long as I don't place myself in a huge deficit and make a consistent effort, then I should be fine. I guess I don't really care about my weaknesses right now. I know what my strengths are and that it surpasses my weaknesses. What I support is the full counsel of God and the truth that is embedded in the pages of the Bible. It's hard to believe and some may think I need to get some help still and in that time, I would have to just talk to them about it by saying they told me that and I just want to get it cleared, even if they feel harassed. I can also do this in front of others too and do it in a nice way without getting too caught up with my emotions. It seems like the best way to approach it and it's going to be a lot of effort on my end. It all seems like a waste, but it's better than nothing in getting rid of my frustrations.

Making Room For Writing

I have been working on a lot of stuff. I realize that sometimes when I justify my meanings appropriately, even if others temporarily see me as being wrong somewhere, I can pass for being an okay individual. Sometimes, it really takes a long time because there are also other areas where I can fall prey under by being hypocritical.

I'm planning on joining a writer's group and going to check out a meeting. I have been working on a story, which is pretty cheesy but sort of fun and creative to talk about. A friend of mine thought it was funny to listen to and thought it was cool that I've been writing about some imaginative story. It must in a way be pretty respectful. I think I have the tools to mark my behaviors into becoming a normal and steadfast and pretty dedicated individual now. It's really thanks to a lot of good people and mainly to Jesus. Jesus' life really shines brightly in my life. What Jesus did on the cross to pay for my sins, it really fueled my life completely in a direction that gave me fire and a life where I could breathe again.

Writing About Something

Hey there, I'm just writing again. I have been doing this for the last two months, and I don't really know what to write today. It's been like this in the past, so I would only leave like a few posts. The great thing is that I strived for at least 4 posts a month. Now, I'm trying to post something everything. I'm running out of ideas, and it's sort of amazing that I keep writing away.

I really am starting to get it now. Some people were thinking I was crazy or something. I really did keep my distance from them, and they still thought I was crazy. Haha. It's starting to make me laugh recalling all of that stuff coming from older people. I'm sort of realizing that it's easy for me to get along with people who are around my age. Oh yeah, I had this dream I was like a flying superman going on vacation to take a break by going to the Antarctic. Pretty funny. Maybe I should sleep with a thicker blanket, I don't know, but I'm sort of enjoying the feel. It's like an air conditioned room for me right now because we're in the Winter. Haha.

Setting Up Personal Schedule

I see what I really want to do. It's going to be very highly difficult for me because of my energy level not being so proactive all the time. It's really easy for me to get so caught up with video games for awhile, and I know it's pretty fun to play with other friends at the same time. I am just going to stick to what I want to pursue after.

Working out is going to start being fun. I have created a database where I can track all my exercises. It's a pretty cool chart using OpenOffice Base. I was working with it yesterday with the online help files. It's a really neat invention. There's a sample CD-Collection template that you could use and to create a form to track things. Base is not a difficult thing to use, and I think it just requires an interest of wanting to learn it. With my computer background and learning to apply myself, I think I can pick up on the technologies while having fun doing something with them. It feels like a rush, and it's a lot of hard work, but in the end it's pretty cool stuff.

It's Been An Interesting Journey

I think I'm sort of living with new ideals. I'm realizing that my temptations are pretty strong and by repetitiously overcoming them, I am becoming stronger. Haha. I'm just a typical guy, but have been characterized as being sensitive even with the most rudest person on the planet with me. It's sometimes going to have be my little sister. Hehe.

I'm sort of laughing at the thought of being intimate with some people because they are giving me a hard time and feel really harassed when I try to talk to them about it. I think the best solution is to talk with them while others are around and then answer the questions of others who are trying to get me to stop. By voicing my concerns which I can obviously do in a unique way, they pretty much just stop because they might feel a little weird about telling me to stop in general. I guess they could be the ones who go through issues that are a little weirder than I thought. There's absolutely nothing wrong about being vocal and strong about it and then trying to correct one another. It's annoying sometimes, but it's a part of being human. It's best to try to forget about everything, and in my case right now I'm going for making some better changes. It's not really like the way it was before. I'm starting to understand this stuff, mechanics, how it keeps my mind healthy, and really punishes the soul of the real perpetrator. It's at a less degree but it's pretty fun to be weird and left alone by others sometimes. Best thing is to forget about it and do what you can because you don't know what's going to happen. I now have a vision to follow for these little things and then to build it to bigger things.

Little Sad

I feel like so much time has been passing by. I really need to get to the point of finding a rhythm while resolving all my problems with people who can't justify what I did wrong with them. It really bothers me a lot, and their response has been like they went over several times with me. Actually when I talked to them and ask them to open up a little more, it feels like they are adding new details. In fact, they never really talked about it fully with me. They pretty much need to just quit it and submit in a nice fashion and do something that has a terminology of being nice. I think it's their feeling of not wanting to be defeated that they could be worried about. In this area, I think they already defeated themselves but are wording it differently to try to favor themselves. It really looks like they are going to end up being quiet with me. It is pretty funny in a way of what they did, so I guess they can still be accepted but on the long run, I don't think they are going to develop many more friends. I think their personality is going to limit themselves from reaching out to others in the future. They must really value this, even if they could made a mistake because they want to blame that the origin of a problem that started began with me.

It's a little wrong because they are the ones who actually created confusion and some frustration on my mind. They want to downplay that they are the ones to have started it. By reviewing their actions, it seems like they practically have nothing to say and are going to have to accept the faults that they have been composed of since they were born. Going from here, do I yell at them? Do I continue associating with them? These are all questions that I need to not doubt in my head anymore. In a pragmatic sense, by discussing with them my approach would be looking for a solution and that it appears that I'm trying to basically obtain something because I think it would better benefit me and might appear to be okay to others, even though it may not be that big of a thing. So that means if I do this right, they pretty much have no say and when I cover enough material with them, they pretty much agree with everything I will say. This type of responsibility is king on my end and may represent abuse if it increases to more of my selfish desires being obtained. I think I seriously am chosen by God now. I don't plan on doing something bad, and I think it's good to not feel so locked down. Big considerations are a must for me. Might be as well obtain that main factor in just personally releasing my frustrations without yelling and being funny and being smart. I am not going to be mindful of how it affects the other party because they seemed to be the wrong end and justify they are right using the wrong terminology.

Finding Some Grounds

This past year has been a whole lot of saying and listening. Just that it was really something I did not want to really be a part of. I feel like I'm really shooting myself in the foot by writing on this blog. I guess I'm just going to do it because it seems to be doing something good for me. For once, I'm getting some visits. Maybe not that much but it's something to write because there's always something to type about. I really am starting to build a lot more confidence and capable of understanding the other person's emotions now. At first, I really did not know what to make of them. These people who seem to act up when you just want them to do something they don't really want to consider that serious with you. I understand now. It's a wall that they are putting up. I really get it now.

It seems like it's really important to stay normal. I don't really know what I'm going to do sometimes. It feels like I naturally flow with something when people start arguing with me in something that should not really be that important. It looks like I'm catching stuff that is really bad now. I'm definitely different than what I was before. I'm a little more mature and accurate now. I'm starting to get this. I'm supposed to aiming for bigger things. By aiming for bigger things, the consequences can be a lot greater with the little things that I do.

Post-Thanksgiving

I'm just typing something on this blog. I need to get myself busy instead of sitting around on like this holiday and doing nothing. I need to find really something healthy and fun to do. I guess I'm looking at trying to be okay. My little sister has been complaining but is starting to be looked down a little badly because of her unusual whining. Hehe. That's like her usual self, actually. Haha. Okay, I should not be really talking so much about my little sister. I just do it because it seems to make other people laugh a little. It's starting to lighten up my mom, a little too.

I'm really going to have give a lot of effort in not trying to be lazy this time around. Since I'm a guy and pretty motivated even through stressful times, I think things should not be looked upon as a crisis for me. Especially when times are bad, I don't think I should be looked at as someone's crisis. It does not really make any sense. Okay, time to try to get back to work.

Happy Thanksgiving

Hey there, Happy Thanksgiving. Hope the turkey is cooked really well and your family stays together in one house and everybody is happy and safe. My little sister pretty much has these feelings of wanting to yell at me this season for some feminine reason. Hehe. I hope she comes around and starts being a lady at about 24-7 in her life. Haha.

I hope the stuffing is good. The ham is glazed with the perfect flavoring. In my case, I'm used to honey. Hope the gravy is not old, as like it was scooped up from the gutter. Hehe. Hope everybody has a merry holiday. It's pretty fun to type out stuff and just have fun. I have this weird feeling that law enforcers are reading my blog like a hawk right now. Haha. I do not really mind because my mind is channeling this force that's hard to resist these days. Haha. My ethics are pretty normal and compared to others' thoughts it is pretty acceptable. The law enforcers who read this writing in hopes of finding dirt can pretty much go shove themselves to the doors of real criminals! Hehe. Jesus did dine with sinners out of having mercy and compassion for them. Someone who can't justify what I did wrong and so feels they have the right to dispatch me over something they can't seem to reason with me is so on the contrary of what Jesus called them up to do.

Just Commenting About Myself

I'm just typing really fast again and going to pretty much do this as like a routine. I'm just going to say what's on my current mind. Right now, I don't really have much to write about. Haha. I'm feeling a little unloaded with all the remarks that I said. I know they could be wrong, and I hope I did not cause too much damage. I've been just trying to release frustration in the most acceptable manner and is ethical but I guess I'm really into humor while trying to be nice. I think the things that I say or write when it comes to letting go of my frustration may actually get others to sort of smile, laugh underneath, and best of all get it off my chest while I'm laughing internally. I don't have to be mean and start yelling at the top of my lungs, like some frustrated individuals have done with me. No matter how much I wanted to yell back, I tried to resort to resiliency and being capable of dealing with it which is close to impossible unless you yell back. Hehe. I did not yell after all so I resorted to a little bit of humor by being honest with them and going from there. Overall, I think I really care about it if people have something against me and can't really explain it while feeling that they did in person with me. It frustrates me a pretty great deal, and I'm doing what I can to let it go now. I'm realizing truths a little better, and the things I could possibly do in a safe, sensitive manner that sort of makes the other person look bad unfortunately. I hope those people just learn to come around. Haha. I don't want to be frustrated about this matter. I need to do things at my best with assurance which I fully have now.

Just Writing Really Quick

I have another blog that I am keeping hidden. It's pretty much personal notes where I get to just play around with whatever thoughts I have. I guess writing has helped me manage my time a little better by opening to a world very safely and in an acceptable manner. That's why the blog was originally invented in my opinion. To give people information in a casual manner or where some might actually be more educating than just writing scattered thoughts. I guess this blog is not really meant to be really popular, but I'm just opening it up to a world that would be willing to read it. I'm not going to try to sell myself and have others read it. In the beginning, it felt like I was exploring options on how others could help me. Some did start giving me advice that I should get professional help. It feels like they were being swines to me but I had to learn how to manage my frustrations in a healthy manner and really sell a good idea that I discovered or possessed.

My dad bought some cords to hook up a labtop to a 50-inch HDTV which was pretty crazy. The view is not really that great, and I think I would need a better graphics card to display much better quality. It was nonetheless pretty fun to watch a roller-coaster ride on YouTube. It feels more life-sized but not the same as feeling the motion and vibrations that some simulations have on your seat. It would be sort of cool to own and program on for me. I am a computer programmer with all the formal education that I received.

Giving It All

Let's see if I can push myself to greater lengths right now. I sort of talk to myself a lot sometimes. I must be really sorting through some emotions with myself right now. I'm trying to let go of my frustrations. I'm not really trying to destroy people's reputations at the same time. There is a dilemma in the works that I'm creating. It looks like I need to really push myself and that things may go over the edge for me. I'm not enjoying my life because of these frustrations that feel like it has invaded my life. I'm still functioning okay and capable of working and then improving. There must have been something that went wrong which I was unable to catch. I don't think it's fully my responsibility but rather on the consensus of the majority. This is where it can get conceivably really tricky. Might as well just be fully honest about it after I've repented of my personal sins. I pretty much have done that, and I hope the Lord will assist me in following through to keeping my personal desire of resisting temptation and not making the same sins again.

Just Posting Again

Just sneaking in another post to try to keep to an average of just one post / day. I'm starting to like this arrangement for myself. I'm just writing and having some fun with this. Let's see I'm practically going to go somewhere right now. I wonder who is interested in knowing the fun place I'm going to. I'm going to go hurt my head by studying and overloading my brain at a library sometime in the month. It sounds like fun, doesn't it? Okay, not really. I'm still a student for life though. I have some fun going to the library to work on something there.

Just Writing Something Related To My Life

Colleagues and friends are such an awesome thing to have a privilege over. It really helps pass the time and to get over the frustrations that try to tempt you to stay in the dumps. I can't believe that my mind is actually changing and my heart is becoming stronger in taking heart that this world may actually be just a place. Hehe. There are some things in my life that I have kept repeating itself over and I just justify to myself that it's not a mistake. I must be a fool if I end making mistakes that were actually something I was trying to prove to my conscience as being right. I should be more humble in my dealings with my own decisions.

I totally feel like right now that I am going to do something wrong to others. I know that I'm not going to be mean with them or try to do something nasty to others. These others are like the
"Others" found on the series called Lost. Haha. I really feel like I'm going to wrong them very heavily because I'm going to be going against their wishes. I feel like I'm going to be just doing this because I want to get rid of my frustrations. I think these others are not going to want to do anything with me. They are also going to just continue being individuals who may get really uncomfortable with me and then have desires to bruise me underneath. I just want to let go of my frustrations now. I'm not in the mood for yelling. It really did get my mind off of the frustration when I resorted to yelling, but doing that would make me feel so sad. I don't want to go that route and feel so trapped and lost later. I want to get rid of my frustrations the smart way. I totally feel in the process I'm going to be doing something really bad. I hope I succeed with whatever it is I'm trying to accomplish for the future.

A Lot of Stuff To Try

I guess I'm a fan of trying new things on my own and not really worrying about stuff too much anymore. It's great to have a friend who opens up to you, supports you, and someone who you could really have an open conversation with by being yourself. All of that stuff is good.

I'm currently starting to have these thoughts where I see a lot of fun stuff in life and things that are really amusing. They are really healthy and promote great activity. It feels good to be released from the bondage of stress like having to carry a big workload for a long time. I'm starting to see that my body is capable of relaxing when it used to tense up with this competitive feeling over anything trivial I would do. Man, that really would bite and not be so much fun. Okay, in some instances it's okay to get competitive like this one guy who you feel was screwing you over; so in a one-on-one basketball game, you manage to dunk on him or slaughter him. Yeah, that sort of feels good.

Hey There

I think I'm getting off to a great start. I'm getting letters and phone calls for setting up interviews for a really good job. My resume is a little shaky right now, but it's okay I'm going to add on some more credentials to it as my career progresses. I guess the financial investment side of me is something I'm sort of taking for granted. I don't want money to run my life. Heck, I would hate to see all the poor people go without a warm meal sometimes. I'd really like to help out the community.

God has been such a blessing in my life. I'm so glad that I'm facing a triumph in my life right now. It's a struggle and life can sometimes be painful. It's important to stay encouraged in the Lord and to really encourage others whenever you can. It's great to love those who you sort of don't want to get to know after awhile; for example, there's this girl you felt highly attracted to but something tells you not to chase after her. With that type of girl, I guess it's okay to love her as a friend and wish the best for her. It's about learning a lot of maturity in this life and really being adult about your own frustrations.

Writing A Little About Self-Employment

I'm taking a different route then what most would imagine doing to support their financial situation. I'm working solo by managing my own hours and being an independent contractor right now. It's a lot of hard work, but the only rewards that I can see come out of it is that you don't really have to wake up everyday on time. It's a little different because for example, a girl you like could be at work with these incredible hours during the daytime, and you could basically be longing to spend time with her but you have to wait. Haha.

One of the main reasons why I want to get a full-time job working at a business is because of the salary increase and career potential. Doing it on your own is a little risky and very difficult to overcome. It's also rewarding once you get passed those worries and start seeing a cash flow. It's very important to look at how other people comment about businesses based off commission. It's important to catch the vibe of the environment. I'm going to use my own example. I never really imagined that there was a school for becoming a financial and stock manager at a car dealership. Nonetheless, I never thought I'd actually work at a car dealership and start bugging people about good car deals. I might have actually taken that option of getting that Chevy Malibu which is pretty heavily advertised when it first launched its $200 / month lease with no down payment. Okay I'm going off topic right now and going to sign off right now for today.

I Could Get Used To This

I guess a lot of success is measured by having quality of life. It's really hard for some people to obtain it because they just stay stuck in the shadows of their limitations. It really takes a lot of heart to be able to put it aside and to still persist sometimes. When you look at all walks of life, sometimes imagining something big while doing a situation that is questionable to you makes you really have to consider what you're made of in this physical world. I look at this one poker player, and he openly states that he does personal meditations to try to remind himself how awesome of a player he is. Haha. I guess pride does exist somewhere. I heard from a Bible radio station that it's okay to have pride in an area that you are poor in and feel blessed about, whereas in an area where you are rich, you should be humble about it. The Bible indicates to me that it's not really about sitting there for long hours asking God to grow money on trees. It states that we are supposed to "Work with our hands." (1 Thessalonians 4:11)

Having Fun Writing

I'm just sitting as usual for a little moment out of the day. I'm starting to become a very adult-like mind with lots of passion in my head. I like the fact that I really see myself as a better individual in the future thanks to the Lord giving me a clearer direction. I really see that a lot of my model of living is being able to deal with my own personal pains by seeking comfort in Jesus, asking God for forgiveness, and really being the person who I am.

I have to admit that I can get very crafty at times, especially with individuals who seem to act a little peculiar around me. My personality is starting to become more apparent to me, and I realize that I can sound very silly at times but not really be that big of a nuisance that I'm sometimes thought to be. Being a diminutive creature that I am, I think that gives me an advantage in that I can be a pretty lovable friend naturally. Hehe.

Some Future Plans

Okay, right now I'm trying to find some things to do. I guess I've been trying to keep occupied over the weekend a little and right now I have something to really organize myself with. I totally hope that I can really find that groove and really incorporate a lot more than just sitting around and writing on this blog.

I've been capable of trying to let go of some things and not worrying so much about anymore. I guess my mindset is starting to become very healthy and really seeking out plans. I'm not really that great at the things I do all the time. I'm seriously trying to improve on a lot of things in my life right now. I hope and pray that I find a lot of encouragement and have my needs met without having to steer so off course in my life. Haha.

Just Hanging In There

I guess there's a lot of stuff that can bug me in life. It's just normal to feel that way I guess. I'm just trying to let all it go now by resolving because it feels like a healthy practice for me. I may resorted to lots of yelling and then outsmarting them in conversations which made them quiet with me. Like they did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore, but I would do stuff to take charge and they would eventually relent. I had a few of those that felt like it was taking too much of my focus. I don't think I want to to base a marriage off of that too. I actually like the fact that I was trying to nice even though I was extremely frustrated at a certain subset of people in a posse. I'm glad that I really tried and even though things became sort of worse in the end.

In the beginning, I just did not want to defend myself because I thought I had to feel guilty. I had proof with it over and over countless times that I did not need to. I guess it's how I was made and how I naturally think. There's always this chance that it will turn around because my hope never seems to fail. I am almost unstoppable when I'm frustrated and trying to get it out of my system. I am great at defending myself and good at scheming. Even though it may feel personally selfish, I just can't help getting rid of the frustration by dealing with the person. All of this is being done so that I can relieve my own frustrations while being ethical at the same time. I guess there's nothing wrong with that after all and actually succeed with it even with a very rare amount of losers telling me otherwise directly. My sister seems to really lose it all the time and says that I'm a lost cause or things like that. It really makes me laugh to recall all of that.

Dream Suffering

This is just a weird post that I'm going to talk about. I had this dream where I was being led by someone. I know that these made up leaders were just unconsciously linked to me. They were pretty much in support of me and were trying to encourage me along the way. They could sort of sense and agree with my desires as well. It was pretty interesting. I had two broken dreams while in my state of sleep that I could remember. In one of the dreams, it was a classroom setting with a girl who also made me an honorary leader and I accepted. The other was an upbeat Asian guy who looked cut-up and took charge at a poker tournament by trying to locate his ex-lover by taking a survey of how many girls had the name he was looking for. About four girls raised their hand and everybody was frozen when he had spoken up. He then asked who they were playing for. The majority of them said they were playing for the blue team and then he wished that the blue team would win. A large crowd in the room started cheering, as he stated it in a way that was encouraging.

Then, somehow a ping-pong championship table had to get in the way. Fast forward the best guy started overplaying and got beat by a crafty girl. I had to keep count for them so they trusted me for the record count.

Let's Keep Moving

Sometimes a lot of difficulty is found in having lack of desire. I guess I'm not without it anymore. Sometimes, it's this emotion that feels like it's running dry and because of it, it causes me to stick to the behavior by not wanting to give up. It's a little hard to explain and might actually transcribe into how I communicate with others.

I'm practically going to be getting really busy now. I don't really have all the time in the world as I thought I had back then. I guess friends come as a priority and I really would like to live out my desires now. My main desire right now for my personal needs is to just practically succeed financially. I think it might get depressing if I succeed and then find nothing to do while quitting work. Maybe, even under financial independence working at a company would still be okay. Being a charitable person sounds like a really cool thing.

This Morning

I have a job that I'm looking forward to going to and I need to persist in the paid training that is to come. I guess I will need to make payments of my card debt by really trying to stock up on cash the best I can right now. It's going to be extremely difficult for me in focusing on making money while doing other stuff while self-employed on the side, but it looks like that is the best I can come up with without compromising my main career in focus. If I can simply add in some time to work out my muscles and burn some fat then that would be nice too. Have a wonderful and blessed evening! It's basically going to be a lot of hard work with boring things to me while doing self-employed stuff like possibly working at a radio station, transcribing medical reports, and internet marketing. My main passion deals in working with computer-related things like programming and networking. There are a lot of good jobs out there, but I'm just starting out and still learning the ropes while getting valid written certifications with practicing some hands-on experience. I'm so glad that I nailed a position related to I.T. which is going to end up paying off for me. I'm going to have to be like a 24 hour machine, which is going to be a challenge.

Interesting

Sometimes you just have to keep on moving on and being content with yourself no matter how others are trying to bring you down. It's really sort of getting to that point with some people. Well, I guess by feeling that I'm not really doing something bad and literally knowing it while others are being bad with me, I guess there's no shame in dealing with whatever they want to exaggerate. Hehe.

I'm feeling practically really good these days and realize that there was nothing wrong with me in the first place. When it comes to dealing with my sins, they were very personal and the Lord gave me compassion and mercy while suffering with them. Hypothetically speaking, as long as I did not do anything wrong in the process and my thinking was not bad, even if others end up messing you up there's nothing wrong with me in the eyes of God. There's no need to get mad or totally in the mood of screwing someone over, especially if I'm not in jail after a cop tried with all his might to put me there but really couldn't. Haha. After all, the people who have opinions and were involved in witnessing the actions don't really have any strong remarks and I should be happy about gaining some grounds physically with them while moving on emotionally and burying hard feelings. Forgiving in the eyes of God to me means completely letting go. I guess my indirect moody behavior to get some payment from them is to just quip with humor.

Well, I'm Spending

Practically an area that I've gone really esoteric with is budget management. I have found some great jobs in the past, but I've always had some discrepancies for some reason. I guess that makes me a normal failure. I'm pretty much getting to that proper mood where everyone is supposed to be. I'm doing presumably fine I guess now. I don't know what it is with people sometimes trying to butt in with your life because they think they know better than you. I have had these incidences with me for the last couple months. Because I reject their help, they practically get mad and act out like they need to be in a punishing mood with me. I guess that's the pains of life I need to deal with.

I normally believe in giving people chances and hoping for the best out of them even though it can hurt. I still am trying to mean well with this new setting of people thinking they know better than me and then start going off in trying to punish me because I reject their ideas. There is always some type of problem. Probably mainly not making sense about something or not understanding or just being pesky. These annoyances are starting to get rather fun to deal with and not something I should get all mad dog about.

It Does Not Really Matter

I'm writing this post because I'm just going to open up that I've been fancying Facebook and understanding my situation that people sort of make with me. I've been noticing that some girls have removed their connection with me online and others are very cool about connecting.

Overall, I don't think the decision should be affecting me that much. It should not really be a big deal and I think that's just what I'm going to have to accept. I guess I'll come across as a jerk going up to speak to them clearly about it. If they overreact, it's only in natural setting for people to come up and say to stop doing something. I just need to persist and learn to get what I'm sort of interested in acquiring. I'm going to do it in a nice and smart manner to the best of my ability and not worry about mistakes anymore. I'm just going to say whatever is on my mind and allow it to get adjusted.

This is going to be a really interesting thing to open up to the public eventually in like a court room setting. Where things are appropriate to talk about, it's just going to be about opening up and being normal like I've always been. I'm glad that I'm not interested in fully blowing up anymore even though others may find that I have good reason for doing it. It's sort of inspiring pity and I don't really want to go that way with the hard times that we are all facing and the hypocritical nature that's been exhibited. I'm an adult that's being talked to by all walks of life. This is so interesting in investigating and discovering what it is without getting so emotionally hung over. Might as well just get random and try to be appropriate and adjust without using what I think is my worst trait. Even though it may sound mean in the beginning, I still need to persist in trial and error.

Walking In Daylight

I sort of write this post because I've been accustomed to reading about vampires or hearing about them. You know how vampires walk the night and stalk their human prey or adversaries. Haha. I'm starting to sleep and sometimes don't like sleeping for a long time. For some reason, by laying down for a long time my mind hates the inactivity and makes my body starve for some physical exercise. I'm going to go work out, make myself a little taller if possible by trying some yoga (haha), and continue to study hard.

I believe that I'm ready to get involved and making good progress. Maybe I'm not the greatest at what I do but sure gets beaten if I get to a point of going somewhere. It takes two to tango I hear that saying sometimes.

Getting Situated

I think it's really time for me to just pray to God and read Scriptures. I'm finding that I'm not always focused on paying attention to circumstances but really want to give some effort into finding out. Even though my emotions make me suffer a lot more sometimes, it's not enough to make me depressed and an unruly person. I pretty much want to live on a consistent basis now and really get to the point of doing things that I said I would be doing. I'm basing it a lot off of living in confidence now.

Looks like my pattern is to keep spending on education right now. Maybe my hobby is to educate myself with material so I could eventually use it to make a difference. I have this pretty strong feeling that my cash flow is going to get pretty big. I might as well make the most of not trying to be selfish for personal triumphs.

Just Posting About Something

Today, I'm realizing that life is okay and sometimes we all need time to ourselves. Apart from this whole personal decision thing which is funny and how I'm overcoming opinions with whiffs of confidence, it's really good to move on. Some things may be painful like when a person says he longer wants to be friends with you and has not been very open with you. Haha. I'm going to go off topic a little. I feel a little sad that the Yankees won the World Series...I was rooting for my favorite team, the Angels. I grew up with the Angels where they lost a lot of seasons. I ended up still liking them even though they lost so many games that one year. They had this really bad losing streak after being in first place and then they ended up losing the whole thing. Hehe.

Baseball is all fun and games. The Yankees were really hot and they did it through timely pitching and hitting. They were a great team this year. I wonder if they'll be repeating. I think statistics on paper will show that the Yankees are always going to be a powerhouse to meddle with in the MLB. The owner has like over 210 million dollars invested in the team. The most of any team in the majors. It seems like it could turn some people off from watching baseball, especially with what everyone considers to be the best player Alex Rodriguez and getting through his steroid usage and breaking up in his former marriage to go hang out with Madonna. They were very humble this year, and by adding talent into their lineup they took the MLB by storm. It's only like their 27th time with winning the World Series. Overall, humility and great talent really has its place.

Job Found

I'm just writing this post because I found a good job to work on. I will now have some income to go to school for pursuing after a Master's. I have a full week to search for other jobs and get stuff taken cared of before I get busy working. I need to pretty much utilize my time wisely now. It's going to be hard sacrificing but I hope I make it in the right areas. I think I should pursue after learning about good things I have desire for instead of just busting out my game console and remote control. People are important for me to love, in my opinion. I would really like to contribute in the best way possible. I myself can want to be an evil person sometimes and I just should not get so caught up in that. There are a lot of blessed people I would love to stick around. There are some who have big issues that were not so obvious to me in the beginning because they were deceitful, mean, and callous over the long period of having known them. I still want to be at peace with them because that's the type of person I am. I think strengthening a relationship in the Lord is a mighty task that is looked upon with love by God. The Bible says "Blessed are the peacemakers...Blessed are the meek..." The Bible says "Honesty is like a kiss on the lips." Haha. Another one says something like "Don't let the sun go down while you are angry." That's been a challenge for me sometimes and by talking to the individual or trying to reach in communication it sort of has helped me to let those feelings go. I think they are being really humanly selfish because they can't seem to let something go in their beliefs with me. They don't really have good backing because they have not even once reiterated the message that bothered them. Overall, things don't make sense and they are being selfish about it. This is really awkward in essence and easy for me to forgive.

Going To Job Interview

Hey, I am a pretty fortunate person to be willfully pursued after by some job interviewers. This is nice because they are nice and so generous to call me up. I don't really want to stay home all the time and do practically nothing and end up consuming more money and lose it all. That would not be a really smart thing to do. My parents are thinking about moving to a new house which is a lot bigger and I would seriously need to help them pay the mortgage. My sister sort of wants to remain cheap about not helping to pay off my parents in the house. I can understand her agony of working at a place and settling for second place in economic status. Hehe.

I am going to really be stocking about on more money and using it wisely to gain useful knowledge just to help out around my industry. To give back and be a good team player. I think it's great to have that type of opportunity. It would really fulfill one of my needs in life. I do realize that loving someone is really simple and sometimes unsuccessful people like the ones I came across are there to drag your mood down and keep you from succeeding by being humanly selfish. It's an area where I'm learning to forgive completely and to have faith on the Father to deliver me from being evil in times of frustration and temptation. I'm learning to manage because of the love that Christ has overflowed my life with.

Job Situation

This is just referencing what I did to start out with looking for a job. For me, I submitted about 300 resumes starting at Career Builder and Monster. I ended up getting some responses the next day. I received some calls for marketing and those type of calls really felt very shaky. I really researched it and found out that there were some complaints about the job, so I want to avoid going to those jobs mainly because it's not really dealing with my passion. One of the girls I wrote about anonymously with a fake name has a job as a marketer at a Hilton Hotel, so it seems a little peculiar right now to have feelings of chasing after her for me. Haha. The other girl I wrote about has a job as an insurance agent, so it's the same thing for me about not wanting to really chase after her. Heh. The girl who works for Hilton Hotel did express interest in getting an M.B.A. which I am really thinking about pursuing. There must be a little connection with her but in irrelevant settings, so in that case I really do not mind persuading her to open up with me and just fostering a normal happy mood setting. I'm not ever going to get around to yelling at Abby or Betsy. They are fake names that I am associating with real people. I guess it's by default since they are female, I don't really want to use my full adrenaline on them and just figure out what makes them happy so I could use that to my benefit in the future with other girls who I just want to be friends with. At the same time, I just want to be gentle with communicating in person with them.

I also received some calls to be an Account Manager for this business which sort of makes me laugh. I have a technical background and so some employers must not really mind the technical background and on top of pursuing after an M.B.A. Looks like, I will definitely have more jobs to interview for with an MBA. I did receive a call for a senior level technical position too which was awesome. I think I'm on an okay track so far.

Gaining An Hour

Today, I'm realizing that I have a lot of energy stored up underneath me. I think I am really a lot about performance while having the goods in an okay fashion. I woke up thinking that I missed church and sure enough, I really did not. I really need to start utilizing my time better and planting my heart in a more beautiful direction. It's like really easy to get lazy because underneath it all it's pretty funny to be all indolent. I guess for me I was mixing up a lot about commitment and displeasure and trying to be patient about some things. When it really comes down to feeling hopeless about finding the true person in your life, I think it boils down to really having confidence that there is someone out there. It's okay to share and be open about your preferences because that's how we were brought up. Some things may be pretty dumb and make me not want to be around that person but as long as there is a peaceful resolution I would not really mind. It feels like I really need to lead after all this calamity that's been drilled on me.

It's been emotionally a challenge in that I felt a lot of adrenaline and really wanted to yell at people who I thought were a bunch of vexing individuals who were up to no good. I think the energy of persistence is there for me which is not a bad thing. I think this adrenaline issue of mine is what some people think that I need to get help on. I'm coming to terms with it even though I really want to blame and justify that basically one guy thought he knew it all but practically closed things on me and really brought me to a level of wanting to stay frustrated. Because of my reaction, he practically lost control with the situation and did not know what to do so he would call up the authority to meddle with what he thought he could do on his own. Wow, that was pretty bad and I am become patient about this and learning to be open in a nice manner. I think I'm really ready to resolve the issue and sort of laugh at the people who act all angry with me even though I don't really know him and then make all these open allegations about me which is so funny. I just need to behave normally and be honest with myself.

Just Posting Something

I'm just not really in the mood for typing right now but I'm going to still really be consistent with this posting. It's been really helping me recover from abusing my adrenaline with people who just been annoying me and don't really make any sense. I'm really doing a lot better than I should be. I think I'm becoming very normal in the sense that things are improving in my life. I'm so much more calmer than usual and sense that I could have greater influence even for me being a short guy.

I think height really does not matter and that when other guys just like say that there's really no beautiful person in this world who won't be with you, it is sort of being ignorant. Haha. We all carry sins that need to be repented of daily. I think the most important thing in this world is really loving God first and then secondly loving others as like they were good neighbors.

Pretty Cool Start in Job Hunt

I think I can exaggerate and say there's like over 100 K jobs related to the I.T. industry in my state. Let's see, there's the Silicon Valley where Bill Gates used to thrive and there's also another tech bowl in Orange County. There's a lot of jobs out there in Los Angeles with it being the largest city in the U.S. There are so many opportunities that there's no shame in signing up for a lot of them and never being returned a phone call. It really does not matter because as you put yourself out there and learn more material that is proven to be relevant to the work force, all these people are going to want to hire you. There is no shame in the work that you put in to get a job because it's ethical. Money is necessary but it is not really how human happiness operates. It's just the joy and passion of doing something you could make an earning off of that really holds true. It's just a mature thing to contribute at work. It's also Biblically accepted to get a job even though working at someone's company for a wage could be seen upon as a gamble. Anything that really deals with earning money is a form a gamble. It's just that some are more stable in its actuality and worth it. Like you could go to a casino and watch others win cash and get all happy which could be good but it's like if you put in the money, you definitely have a losing advantage against the casino. I don't recommend gambling your money in general. There's at least some form of agreement with the employer which could overlook your gambling aspect of working for them. You are basically gambling your time to make some money. Money is great to have but I think family, friends, and people in this world are directly more important than someone's wealth. Overall, when you are old enough it's okay to make your own decisions. So, be careful because I care.

I guess if you really speak the truth around others, they could really see your flaws. Being open about it and being selfish is like technically normal and not so really appealing. Man, I try not to get so mad about life but yeesh I feel lots of adrenaline at times by putting some thought into this pretty irritating and strange girl who I just don't want to really feel any physical attraction for. I did write about her by using a fake name. I am still going to protect her image from the internet audience but if someone finds out just letting it be known that her name is pretty common. My sister's name is pretty common too but she got plagued with identity theft. Poor gals. My sister has been annoying me a lot too but I guess I need to step up to being a big brother and try to dump out the adrenaline that I'm occasionally feeling and by being more open. I think girls can handle full throttle honesty and then start getting all nice and honest with you too. I would hate my sister visiting me in jail and going like I told you so in a nice way. I would really want to sock the living daylights out of another guy then.

Realizing Something Comforting

I'm going to cheat my usual daily dose of writing and double up just for today. Halloween is coming around the corner and I've been thinking about checking out Knott's Scary Farm for the first time with a friend. It seems like the end of this month is going to be cold windy weather for Halloween.

The main motive of writing this second post is because I have something that I need to share. I'm realizing that the pursuit of going after money is in actuality some form of gambling. People sometimes generalize this form of gambling as investing because there is skill and studying involved. The love of money is stated to be the root of all evil. You do need money to control an economy and sometimes greed can cause a chaotic mess for selfish individuals who could parade over innocent and fooled individuals.

I myself have discovered that gambling in the form of investing using your skills which is another way of stating going in to work for earning income for supporting a family is deemed permissible in an ethical fashion. It makes me feel comfortable because when you are out of job and searching for other jobs, just knowing this fact that the pursuit of money is all a gamble does not really hurt that bad because you can develop faith to overcome this hurdle. By working hard to find a job and earn something, it's all worth it even if you gain little in the beginning. My morale is starting to grow and I feel like I can make important decisions now as in being the man of the house with of course respecting the opinions of my future partner and old counselors.

Being buried in work and making money could be good but I think it's just a gamble and should be still treated with respect. When it deals with making an earning, the perspective is most definitely in the appearance of gambling, when it deals with something you have grown to be passionate about then I think making a huge earning does not really matter that much anymore because it could be generous of you to contribute to the industry. Overall, it's great to have riches and materialistic comforts but in the end what really matters more is your family, your friends, and the people who are in the world around you. Working for tenants is like gambling but since it deals with skill and is pretty stable it's considerably an acceptable type of investment that could space us out from greater responsibilities but it's still needed. It's best to accept that we are all evil and that it could reasonably be safe to conclude that only one person in the history of mankind came out to be perfect. I feel no shame after all in looking for a job and working on making money with considerable skill and then using the skill to make contributions to this world. I'm still evil though and feel lots of adrenaline sometimes still from feeling that I was wronged but I think I can learn to manage on being consistently satisfied without being a danger to anybody and doing stuff to my body to make it healthy and appear better. I am definitely becoming a communicator and blogging enthusiast now.

Guess What, It's Today

Hey there. Hello. Guten tag. Hola! Bon jour...Grutzi... 안녕!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man it was fun to write that. I'm planning on executing a plan this time. I've been practically wasting my time and valuable resources because I have not been able to make a reasonable return with the investment I put in. I don't think there's anything wrong in putting a lot of hard work to a home business that you have faith in. Just be prepared for getting hit hard if it does not work out. With all the promises that a company will claim to sign up with them, it must be just a marketing scheme for the business to make profit and then to encourage more people to sign up for the ones who do well. It makes sense to have the powerful decision to say no in this case. There's an agreement somewhere with plenty of information given.

It's a really tough trick to not lose your cool when someone is giving you convicted reasons that sound really dumb to you. Almost everyone I know can fall into this trip with me. I really hate it when it happens with me. Pretty much, all relationships have this type of break with me. I hate it so much that I want to marry a girl who is normally unconfrontational. I've been meeting a lot of these non-confrontational girls for some reason even though I don't feel like my appearance is all that sharp, they somehow smile at me for some reason and can give me acceptance. Or it's that arrogant emotion that they project that you end up submitting to while feeling personally hurt about something that you don't want to relate them to. Hmm, I can normally do really well with girls in general. I did not really notice that for awhile. It's the guys who have dumb hormones in their heads that start acting up with me and I need to seriously speak out my mind without yelling at them. I seriously need to also not yell at my biologically younger sister who sometimes can blurt out dumb messages to me. This is a very tough trick to succumb to and to hold your cool.

Feeling Pretty Okay

I think I'm starting to adjust to being at home so much. I mean I have time to go out get some fresh air by working out my body at least on something. I've been finding it really hard to let go of some urges that have not been very productive for me. I'm only realizing after the cycle of excitement and putting long hours into it the after effects of what I did. I guess I'm not fully proud of everything that I did. I guess I have not really been living out my full desires that I've been wanting to. I'm starting to get a break with myself in that I'm not this lonely shy person anymore underneath me. I feel like I don't have to be so brave anymore. I know that I'm really short and that when it comes to the dating scene, some are going to reject me because of it. I guess I don't really mind that much about it anymore. I just personally want to be taller for some other reason I guess. Maybe it's this inner drive to have longer reach and to actually be taller than someone I like.

Overall, I think it's really about the personality that counts. All the outside appearance is nice and cool but the heart is the most important. If you lack in everything else, as long as you have a repentant heart that seeks after Jesus I don't think you'll be suffering forever. I'm not so afraid of opening up anymore and being completely honest about myself to others anymore. I might as well repent from things that I'm ashamed of so that when people ask me about these things I could sort of feel okay downplaying some things that I don't really want to let out. I think giving it all to Jesus in faith will pretty much release me from all my worries.

I'm going to keep a private diary and write all my darkest secrets and desires. I'll then relate it to how Jesus wants me to repent and ask God for forgiveness. I truly need to live out a Christian walk this time around. I think working out and getting plenty of rest while working full time on a job that I think I'm really good at and investing on wealth to give to the needy and God's kingdom will pretty much make me a whole person. Maybe I'll retire early and raise a family full-time afterward. That would be nice.

Let's Talk About Abby

I'm making another reference to a fake name. This person is a real girl but I'm not mentioning her real name in order to protect her image in front of the internet audience. I have done some searching and her full name is not really that unique as there are like several hundreds of this name. It's a pretty common name, and I've seen photos of really good looking people who top this person with the same name. I'm also doing this partially to protect my own image too. I just want to be fully honest with someone who could potentially read my posts. I feel that this will let go of some hindrances in my life and help me develop into a more nice and potentially good person. This girl Abby is someone who introduced herself to me in the beginning. I take it to mean in my heart that she was dating someone. I was physically attracted to her as I usually was for meeting a woman. She played her role in reaching out to me, and I became really shy with her and sort of gave off the body language that I wanted her to keep her distance with me. I was feeling a little agitated at times while being around her. During this transition I sort of started getting comfortable with my physical attractions and realized that it's like only skin deep and not the same as someone you pledge to spend the rest of your life with.

Abby pretty much closed herself off with me and made it highly difficult for me to understand why she was uncomfortable with me. I used to feel that being rejected by a girl was like one of the worst feelings and just wanted to avoid asking her out. After all, in some days the physical attraction was not at its peek, and I wanted to settle on just being friends with her. Abby seems to be a really emotional person who can cry about things that a guy like me will have trouble picking up. I'm a pretty sensitive individual, and so I pretty much care if I did something to wrong Abby. It has not been revealed yet to me what I did. I've been asking questions to others about it that have reflected on my wishful skepticism and just needed confirmation. These other guys started acting really rude with me and did not give me the information that I felt I had a right to question and discover.

I'm sort of doing it on my own, nowadays. I totally wonder if her decision to not place me on a social networking site is really dealing with her decision to not date me as a person. An attractive girl who I met as a stranger out of the blue at a coffee shop, put me on Facebook like it was no hassle to her. I sort of asked her why Abby was acting this way to get a girl's perspective. She told me that she does not know why girls act this way sometimes and that maybe the relationship was supposed to be bigger than I could imagine. I remember feeling a little bothered, sidelined, and in between my rushing thoughts of formerly chasing after Abby by noticing a ring on her finger. It was not really on her marriage finger, but I was so curious to what the background of it was. I really wanted to be friends with Abby so she could open up with me in some intimate details about her life.

Morning Time

I'm ready to do the best I can. My own personal issues are something that I'm finally understanding. I guess I get stuck on some things that are pretty shallow which could take down my confidence. I'm ready to let those things go. It does not really involve anyone and I am so capable of praying for others and wishing the best for them. It has to deal with me keeping my emotions in check. Everyday, I'm seeking to push myself to obtain something that I desire. I guess I'm doing fine nowadays and need to get around to promoting wonderful things that are a blessing from the Lord. I need to be better at handling sad events for myself. I'm not going to kill myself because of something very bad that happened to me or if I perceive some distress for myself which is pretty daily for me, but I want to stay in focus and truly repentant for eternity now.

Writing Safely About Others

I'm starting to realize that nothing is as always as it seems. Personality plays a very large role in determining how others are motivated to behave around you. Sometimes, a temporary discomfort is necessary to sort it out. It is not like the person sometimes really has something bad to deal with you. I think this is where the act of being able to calm down, be nice, and be extremely honest plays a very good role. I don't think it's gambling at any time being at your best behavior because it's what everyone should strive for doing even if others don't want to see what you are doing is beneficial. I, myself, am going through some adrenaline underneath. I know this and that's it is something personal of mine. It makes me feel capable of feeling guilty when I have this adrenaline underneath me. I think my feelings are something I could easily downplay and take control over. I can still be a rational individual. I just don't really know about them now.

Today's Approach

I have this stint where I'll be paid about $18/hr for moving machines around to convert different technology for a JP Morgan bank. It included training. I am also paid for being part of the training. It was one of those conference calls that you log onto. A very cool thing that I have is a magicJack which allows you to place computer calls and make unlimited calls for the whole year and call anywhere in the U.S. or Canada. It's been highly useful and I love the invention. I have a built-in microphone on my laptop so it proves its usefulness.

I'm starting to realize bluntly that the guilt that I had was only centered on me and not because I was being bad with others. These people may like to say that I was being bad around them but I really was not. I was having a hard time deciphering their cryptic remarks and where they were coming from. They were just full of hot air and trying to be good about it. They failed by going overboard and is calling upon others to support their decision. This is where it gets very tricky in drawing the line and feels like almost everybody who does not have that much experience in being a socialite and pretty open about themselves will give me bad advice in fulfilling this direction. My solution is to just be nice about it and to talk to them even if they don't want to hear about it. I'm glad that I have enough friends playing devil's advocate with me to help give me practice in what the true approach should be. On the long run, this type of practice is giving me an edge and confidence that is not going to swagger. It's going to be used for a good purpose because I'm being nice. It's like the best combination in feeling quite happy about yourself and not worrying so much or depending on them for something that they can't really provide. It's just nice to be around because it's me that's being courteous and not really them. In other words, I want to step up to the plate in leading them to the Lord's kingdom. It feels like they've been lost sheep who have gone astray. Four things- pray, fellowship, read the Bible, share your faith with others; that's how you grow as a Christian.

What I needed

Okay, let's talk about Betsy really fast. She's a fake name but some may be able relate who Betsy is. I am just calling her a different name to be protective about her and to also protect my own image. You can add character and supposedly say whatever you want because you have decided to use a fake name. I don't think it's going to hurt me or anyone else by doing this. It would be good to let off some steam.

Betsy pretty much said there was a conflict and mentioned it by stating she was uncomfortable about something she did not understand. It's pretty trippy because I sent messages to her that were not clarified and they seemed to make her mad for some reason. My intent was not to start conflict and to lay off on powerful words. Oh well, Betsy sort of said something was there when I was meaning to say all along that there really was not anything.

Story about Bob

Bob is a pretty fake character that I'm making up. Before I go on to talking about other people with their fake names, I will talk about Bob. Bob's mind is so distracted. He has been watching a lot of porn recently and is starting to feel entangled by it. He is in love with this woman Erica and just can't see himself using the pursuit of porn as making this woman happy.

Bob is starting to realize that the world may be different and entangled in this web of deceit. What people claim to make a living out of could actually be a stumbling block to others. Bob needs to realize that there's a true savior out there. Someone who everyone has turned their backs on. He realizes that his mind is currently corrupted and wants to recover without having to claw his way back. He believes that a lot of people downplay his emotions and so getting therapy would be useless. He needs a healing in his life. Bob realizes that when others asked him to leave, he knew that they were at their peril and wrong about the approach. As frustrated or annoyed he was, he tried to solve it using his own resources. He had this guilty feeling all along. This type of living that comes from being filled with depravity. He was confused and wondered if it had to deal with these people telling him things he did not want to hear about.

They were making a big deal out of hot air. The real issue centers around Bob's private life when Bob is all by himself. Bob's coy remarks found on the e-mails with these people have nothing to do with what Bob is feeling guilty about. Bob just needs to center his attention on being right with God. A concept that is totally unheard of. A loving savior who asked the Father to forgive those who crucified him. To Bob, he is starting to realize that being right with Jesus is the way to happiness, forgiveness, excitement, and contentment. No matter what journey Bob has struggled with, Jesus promised the Holy Spirit to work in his life. Mark 10:26-27 says And they were greatly astonished, saying among themselves, "Who then can be saved?" But Jesus looked at them and said, "With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible."