Interesting Things

I guess there are great products out there but because of the economy people cannot really afford some of them from not having a job. It's pretty sad that even with a strong attitude and passion towards earning a type of living, there are a pretty good amount of people who are still being left out. What I'm trying to get the reader to perceive is that sometimes a person close to you such as a parent or spouse won't make you feel accepted if you've found a dead end and can't get anywhere in life anywhere. This could happen from having become buried in despair or with deep regret in life and then just lollygagging around- I guess it's a form of miscommunication with loved ones and being a litte sick at heart. One of my close friends is facing divorce because he lacks an occupation and has made his wife feel distant from him.

When times are rough in current situations and your skills don't meet up to any dream payroll then a logical thing would be to obtain any occupation that you can satisfactorily perform. There's nothing to lose if you're currently single, so becoming gung ho all of a sudden and leaving home to do a job off-state sometimes would be a totally acceptable reason. It would even make sense to rekindle any romance with the spouse and then from having a lack of money to pay bills to leave home for awhile and send money back home while working.

Getting to the topic, I came across some really interesting life-promoting products. There's a product that is well-reknown and created by a brilliant doctor who managed to find natural ingredients to cause the liver to produce anti-oxidants on its own and help fight against the body's anti-aging elements. It's called procadium, and I think that is really cool from having been featured on prime-time investigative news reports seven years ago and now being studied by different colleges. There is also an extremely healthy water source that is absent of acidity and performs detox on the body; it is a product used by the Yankees and Dodgers- it is called kangen water. There are also patches that help the body to naturally perform better and reduce pain by opening up energy channels similar to getting an acupunture- these products are used in racing horses and have helped some horse owners win races. It is created by a company called LifeWave. Honestly, I'm benefitting myself through writing about this. Also there's a book on getting taller and I grew permanently a half-an-inch after applying the program for six months. I'm going to continue to try the program- I sort of let go of the thought in getting any more taller because I felt that being short didn't matter but I might as well make myself a little bit more taller for a cosmetic feel to it and because I just can.

Little Fun Success

I have these moments now where my mind just fixates on a task that I should be accomplishing to make my life a lot easier, but then I just let it linger out of being afraid of finding out with what would disappoint me or just because I don't really desire to dive into the hassle from possibly being too lazy. I have noticed that some guys don't really like to accept some truths and therefore are really weak and misguided in their emotional treks to pursue after some stuff. For example, a friend's twin brother thinks that to attract women in general, he would have to build a lot of muscle. He has worked out for ten years already and hasn't really had any female approach him to compliment on his appearance- he's probably never going to get it from not appearing secure with himself because working out has only made him become more impatient for getting the attention he lusts after! He's been told in what he perceives a very rude manner that he won't get what he wants and only sees it as an opportunity to accept some competition and try harder to attain his delusional dreams! It's so funny but it makes my buddy feel a lot of pity for his brother.

Anyway, my little comical discussion about someone else didn't really pertain to the topic. I managed to write a script that does some tedious and mundane calculations to assist me in my day trading program. I might actually voluntarily submit it into the online community of the scripting language just to try to put myself on the map. It's turning out to be a really useful tool for myself and dramatically makes my daytrading go by quicker in executing trades. The daytrading platform I use is called MQL4 or famously known as Metatrader 4; recently they have come out with Metatrader 5 which simplifies the usage of personalized Windows apps for daytrading but I have stayed with Metatrader 4 because of the useful tools I have found to trade and from being satisfied with it. My script is called MMScript which stands for Money Management Script- it will be loaded onto the MQL4 Codebase Community site (codebase.mql4.com) soon!

Getting It Going

I don't really feel like being in mood for writing right now. My mind still feels a little locked up during the day because I constantly imagine myself doing a few things but feel a little uncomfortable about it for no apparent reason. I guess it's hard for me to deal with some mistakes that I've made in the past because I don't really want to remember how bad it was and how currently, it's putting a strain on my life.

Regardless of those feelings I have, the smart thing would be to overcome those fears and actually solve the issue through diligence. I'm learning to fully manage everything now which also include my hopes and disappointments. I guess it's great to make some time and enjoy some moments, which is what seems like a pretty significant amount of people love to do. To a great degree, it seems like the amount of enjoyment a person desires really solely depends on him or her.

Happy Memorial Day

Obviously today was a very long day because I got to have some fun with a buddy and another female and her sister with boyfriend. It made things a lot more funner today and pretty much less awkward during most situations. I was sort of laughing and having a good time throughout our day's festival. The female I hung out with me ended up being a normal girl- I really appreciate the fact that she is really honest and pretty open about herself. It really helps me out in getting to know what girls are sort of like in general. I pretty much accept her as a good friend who has feelings that can get hurt sometimes and how she really likes to feel appreciated for her efforts. One of these boneheaded and arrogant intellectuals told me once that church was about clapping hands and feeling special- I understand the joke now but apparently, just the idea of feeling that warm, cuddly feeling isn't something women always like to shut themselves off to.

From working at achieving my current goals which is to pretty much square away and making some progress at it which is pretty much long-term, I am pretty much gaining better grounds of learning how to be satisfied with what I have to work with. I mean now things are a lot different, and I'm more open to sharing my honesty with people; in a way, it just shows that I care enough to even tell them about what's cooking with me in a blunt manner. It feels good to be myself like that, and I would pretty much encourage everyone to be honest as much as possible, so it would mean to work on being a more moral person in a way of being a people's person kind of man or woman if possible. Everyday I feel possibilities that I might never receive a phone call again from a person who I got along well with for any reason, but I continue to follow this honest pattern of living; it's had pretty good results for me. Honestly, I can accept being rejected in subtle or major ways now by a person without feeling so incredibly angry or depressed anymore. According to my beliefs, I believe that the only one entity that would never reject a man but leave it entirely to man alone is in the spirit of Christ according to the original Hebrew/Greek Bible.

Having Right Kind of Passion

I believe that happy, successful people have a great attitude about their own line of work. From being passionate about something, it gives them a reason to excel at something and to exceed expectations in any line of profession. I think one of the hardest things to deal with is learning to let go of some things which are addictive in nature especially when it prevents from anything getting good done. For example, being addicted to being entertained all the time could prevent an individual from getting an ample amount of rest before going in for work the next day.

What's been hard has been to avoid being passionate about meaningless things sometimes. I mean things that occur in life could be disruptive to a person all the time and put him or her in a bad mood while creating some form of insecurity that comes from desiring something. These meaningless acts then become played over and over again and draining a very limited resource which is time. It's really hard to begin to be consistent once I have set up a good idea- what I'm lacking is being a self-motivator and persevering when my mind is just not fully up to the task I have set out to do.

I'm calling for remaining with a reasonable amount of focus and letting some desires linger even for a lifetime if necessary while managing to still become happy. I say that pursuing after the right direction and the right people to be around shouldn't really have to cause some standoffish behavior towards people in general, but just illuminate on being a pretty good example for others and promote an illustrious life. 

Breaking It Down To Manage Things

It feels like the most significant thing I've been doing lately everyday is just working out and playing online poker. I do have enough of a bankroll where I could play at the lower limits and not really hurt as much if I lose a small buy-in for like twenty to forty dollars. I've experienced that I pretty much have a break-even effect with a small margin for making profit while playing No-Limit Texas Hold'em. Right now, it isn't much because it wouldn't really sustain a living or anything. It's just to have some fun and socialize a little bit. I have noticed with a small buy-in compared to everybody else, I can last for a long time in a table if I don't get unlucky fast. Anyway, just being beat through experiencing a bad outcome doesn't really hurt that much to me if I play a pretty small amount that doesn't even effect paying my bills or anything. It took me awhile to not feel angry about losing to another player because of my competitive spirit. I'm only playing for about an hour on average per day, so for all the other times I'm up, I really need to feed some of my other ambitions.

I'm also starting to have fun solving a Sudoku puzzle even though I'm starting at the easy level right now. I guess I'll work my way up into solving a very hard one like it was sipping a cup of coffee each morning. Let's see, being at a volunteer position is currently good right now which is dealing with fixing biomedical equipment or driving a forklift around. Man, there's some job security in the making with it! I also have a part-time job ready to form at a school driving around one of those small buses that are probably comparable in size to a U.P.S. delivery truck; it's not a bad start to earn a little income and paying some bills and getting to a point of figuring out how I'm going to be really successful at what I do.

For some time now, I've been wanting to rekindle something with my beautiful wife and start raising kids but I haven't really made it a big priority yet. My focus right now is making a substantial living to be able to provide. I feel a little jealous often when friends around me have kids to take care of or have a really beautiful spousal relationship and setup but at the same time, I'm really happy for them and can accept them as good friends. In other words, one can never truly know what the outcome will be unless he or she tries really hard everyday at reaching some wonderful goals. I'm a believer of consistent effort, positive attitude, and developing a holistic approach to hard work.

Another Change of Plan

From remembering my training, I recall that I'm still feeling a little uneasy about pushing myself. However, I think it's just a little discomfort over the positive expectation I have for myself. I believe that it's going to pay off anyway, so I shouldn't really have to worry so much about it now. I guess I became a little lost from solving a couple Sudoku puzzles this morning; I might just try to stick to just one a day now if I don't get carried away with trying to beat the computer in chess which is at super expert mode. I'm also a little addicted to playing the game FreeCell on my Macbook! I basically boot up my Mac to Windows every now and then to get some things done because some developers probably don't want to take the time to create a Mac version.

This is pretty sad but I read a story about the notorious Charles Manson; this man is actually shorter than me and he was still capable of manipulating a lot of women and some of these women became crazy over heels-in-love with him! I guess a male having to be definitely tall wouldn't have to be a factor in being happily married- I never really thought of it like that. A tall female friend wrote an e-mail to me stating that God doesn't look at what a person lacks in physicality initially.

I'm on my way to a day-trading career now- it's basically going to be around averaging an hour of my time each day to find some useful trades to milk and earn some substantial living. I can see myself really specializing in this field and taking advantage of the free time and comforts along with the potential contributions I could be making. I now have that volunteering position for repairing biomedical equipment set up and on my way. I still need to get some more personal things done today.

What I Just Did

I realized that I woke about two hours ago and accomplished absolutely nothing. I was just walking around the house thinking about what I needed to do and I did absolutely nothing! That is not a good thing for me- I need to make some minor changes here. I think it's lack of concentrating through a level of discomfort that I'm currently facing. I pretty much told myself that I would go do some working out and I haven't even tried to do it yet.

I guess I had a lot of things on my mind in the morning that kept me from getting busy on what I should be doing right now. I'm going to pretty much keep trying to push myself in a genuinely positive manner so that I can remain optimistic about it.

I found out some changes about myself yesterday and going to add in those adjustments rapidly- basically, I guess I'm a fan of playing poker for real money because it's just fun in general for me but I'm realizing that it might take a little too much time for me to make any actual money in it for me. In other words, it's just too much time for what I would call a dream occupation. The same thing goes along for the area of real estate. What I became fortunate in finding is playing in the Forex market. It's like a dream come true for me because ideally I wouldn't have to go over twenty minutes a day to do some day trading and there's always something for me to learn because it's constantly updating itself with new trends and situations. Forex is the ultimate dream occupation for me because I could leave it on autopilot to earn some good figure of living.

In my new set of part-time jobs, I'm pretty much going to be simplifying it to accommodate more time and enjoyment with things that I really want to do. I have this part-time government job right now. I'm also going to be driving a school bus around and being possibly a small tyrant to little kids before and after school just to get a kick out of it- I'm going to do this job because I simply just can do it to make some consistent form of income and because I have a CDL. An Asian guy with a trucker license is who I am, I must be a pretty qualified driver in my own personal vehicle just to beat the stereotype- well, in fact, I'm not Chinese.

I'm going to volunteer fixing bio-medical equipment- that stuff looks fun to fix and earn a decent living off of. Basically, just four part-time gigs to keep me occupied and the rest gets to be set on making my lovely wife happy and getting to spend some time with my close family, kids, and friends. Not a bad life indeed with what I'm envisioning so far.

Shouldn't Be Wasting Time

Thanks to yesterday's post, it really has a positive effect on how my outlook in life should be. Even though I may be uncomfortable about waking up early and just having to work hard at something, I'm still making progress slowly and it all adds up. What I need to do now is just maintain a positive attitude all through out the days and not worry about certain things just not happening for me. I'm sure it's really about knowing the right people when it comes to settling down, so I should just be patient about that and let it not keep me from holding me back.

I'm going to pretty much try to take care of everything I could as soon as possible. I did manage to get a new vehicle a couple days ago which is pretty nice. I also started working out a couple days ago too. Now, I just need to add in my professional endeavors and be able to keep up with them now. It's going to be one of those procedures that require discipline and pushing myself a little but I think through it adding up, I get to enjoy some fruits out of the hard work I put into it. I need to basically let go of some things that just waste time and pretty much stop thinking about some stuff that just have no end to it which just become affected from being in a certain mood.

I think I should just be using a perspective that's always objective and professional. Regardless of how life goes, I think I'm starting to let go of some things that are just too dumb to stick around with. I need to maintain a happy and honest outlook while I progress in some discomforting settings which is training myself under discipline. Then, I might still be optimistic and be able to get along with a good crowd people once I've attained a dream status.

Living Through Discomfort

Just because a person might be uncomfortable about something, I don't really see it as a good reason to withdraw anymore. I mean staying disciplined all the time can sometimes be very discomforting because it could just be painful to always be up and use the brain as much as possible. It's one of those energy-inducing tasks- how many would prefer to instead be rich millionaires and enjoy life without having to really lift a finger? It's just really inconceivable to make a decision to do something negative based on just being uncomfortable alone.

I'm bringing this topic up because it was one of those thoughts that burdened me for awhile. I guess from having had massively a lot of time to think over the last couple years, I'm finally understanding my own two cents on the topic. It originated with Annie Tran telling me that blocked me from her Facebook page because she was just uncomfortable. I have no clue where she was coming from- no matter how much I asked her to elaborate she really couldn't.

Perhaps, I can elaborate on the background with a little bit of my own perspective on it for a little bit. I added her as a friend and she really didn't accept me as a friend a couple times. Hmm, that was funny and weird I thought to myself and then I wrote to her to tell her, "What's going on Annie? There must be something wrong" or something in that nature and then she blocked me on Facebook. Some guys would probably believe Annie was not being the best girl of interest with me at the moment. She then opened up by telling that she was uncomfortable with me. I didn't really get it for awhile.

I think the reason why it came about like this is because I didn't really will myself to lead Annie in a positive direction. I was very highly attracted to her in a physical manner but what angered me a lot was how these feelings were so strong and at the same time, I couldn't express them in a very healthy fashion from noticing that she and I were not really compatible for raising kids together with.

From having been exploring different places over the last couple years and just meditating as much as possible on the truths of the matter, I noticed that physical attractiveness will die down with anyone like it's a point of being in the mood and that making a commitment to love and be faithful to the special lady is more important to fulfill. With Annie being female and slightly weird, I guess I could will myself to represent myself in the fullest sense of honesty and help her to unlock some things that seem to be holding her back from living out her dreams. I know Annie was a little misguided back then and that she could have used a lot of encouragement- these things weren't really given to her when she really longed for them when things became complicated for her; I see it could be one of the reasons why she decided to move on and not really associate with the bad church I've been trying to truthfully write about. 

Taking Care of Business

Right now, I really need to find a vehicle to drive around. Because I don't really care so much about buying a nice convertible right now, I just need something to get around in. I guess I'll just work really hard at getting myself squared away now. It doesn't matter what the problem is now and how much I really need to distance myself from friends, as long as I can solve the problem and get something more out of it then I'll be able to make myself available again.

I remember last year how hard it was for me to stay committed to something. I no longer have the dilemma; I guess the challenges I have faced in life are pretty minor compared to people who have some life-threatening conditions. In a way, I'm just blessed with pretty decent health so I need to be more focused now no matter how boring it gets. If I can find myself out of the situation eventually, then I am doing something that must be good.

I don't really know what I'm talking about right now. I'm a little scatterbrained again- I remember talking like this and not really conveying anything to Annie Tran and she would tell me that she didn't know what I was talking about. It's actually pretty funny because I was mad and frustrated with her from not making any sense with me and I was just talking to try to cool down. It was one of those incidents where people got involved but were against me, and it was really frustrating to deal with- I ended up learning to cope with it by laughing at the situation and realizing the flaws in their human nature.

Not Worrying So Much About Life Anymore

I guess a problem I have right now is to get some convenient transportation from point A to point B now. Before going on a six to seven month journey away from home, I ended up selling my car so I wouldn't have to worry about making any more monthly payments. It really sucked that I ended up not owning that vehicle for something I drove so much and became accustomed to.

I realize that I have always had it pretty good and just that I wasn't really satisfied with the way things were for me. It's when you live without those things you take for granted that you start appreciating good things. With my mind clicking a lot lately, I need to start diving into some good stuff.

Through persevering with patience in any difficulty, it seems like the hard work really does pay off and benefit the person with more than the average yield of a regular person. There's something different about me now; I'm living with more confidence and effervescence.

One of Those Types

It feels like I've outdone myself with this blog, so it's basically not going to be any major rest stop in the cyber world anytime soon. I could have opted to do this government job I'm a part of full time but I chose to do it part time because I wanted to be home more often. If I really like the job I got into so much, then I guess I could turn it into a full time job after another six months. I'll see where it leads me to now.

From where I'm at right now, there are basically some things I'm pretty competent in with earning some form of living. Being one of those types of people, I went to college and graduated and then I never converted it into a stable form of living. I guess my purpose of going to college was so I could find an excuse to spend my parent's money and not worry about a thing. I wasn't really so focused on my future back then, but from seeing it now and the situation I put myself in, I have a really bad work history.

For the time being, I'm not really going to be able to get the ideal I.T. job that I originally had set my mind out to do. Therefore, I have had to come up with other ways to earn a living. Breaking it down, I am going to have seven different occupations which are all part-time- I'll explain how I do my time management with making it work out later.

These are the jobs I have found myself getting into despite my poor work history- a government job that I average working only two days a month, this independent contracting job for a company called Field Solutions (deals with I.T. repair), volunteering to repair biomedical equipment, Texas Hold-em with real money, Forex with real money, and real estate. Gee, I'm like all over the place!

On top of those jobs while managing to be able to work out everyday for an hour, I also have plenty of time left over to get about six hours of sleep and study with whatever I want to of my choosing. I also play the piano and sing with my messed up and cracking voice still. Right now, the thing I'm choosing to study is learning a language because my government job will actually give me a hefty bonus per year just for being bilingual- I have to pass this test to earn my marks. Unfortunately, Spanish is never going to count as a language to get paid in by the government because there are too many who know it already. Being Asian, yes, I have a shot at making some money after passing that language test and I did take some German for four years in high school, so I might be able do that one too after I complete the other one. Basically, my studies are now going to deal with whatever will help me earn reasonably more income. I'm going to have to be career-oriented first before I get to try to take classes for spectacular interests like learning to compose beautiful music and souping up a muscle car!

Back Home

Okay, I'm finally back home now after a pretty boring four months learning a professional job provided for by the government. I naturally want to revert back to my old lazy ways but having had a taste of what it's like being out there, I really want to keep focused and build up a pretty nice career. I realize that I have some really good benefits from all the training I've done and to reap from it, I'm just going to have to accept the areas I'm truly lacking in at the moment. It's one of those little distractions that feel aggravating underneath while I'm currently concentrating on something, but there's really no awareness of what good is out there without knowing the personal struggles that we deal with on a daily basis.

I have a really bad work history and having nailed this position is a great jump start for me! Now I just need to take advantage of knowing what's out there. Along with having formed this self-determination to keep at something now, I think I'm paving for myself a pretty cool lifestyle. My dad has told me that while growing up all the elders talked about how there were three things that every man should learn to be able to handle: money, alcohol, and women. By abusing any of those areas, it would really cause a great inconvenience to the man and everyone else he is affecting!

I guess feeling attracted to someone is a natural occurrence and just riding with it while being a pal to the person is such a healthy thing to do if you're fortunate to form a bond like it. There's seriously no need to rush things into getting married; just taking it smoothly while getting to know the person is alright and if no one is out there then at least there's something to keep busy with for the time being. In other words, it's quite appropriate to do the right and wise thing all the time. I see opportunities in forming something nice with a woman pass me each and everyday but I choose not to partake of it right now. For myself, I think my height of being really short might seriously not matter with women in general and if they do care about it, then oh well, I'll find someone who doesn't mind then! My height hasn't really limited me from living similarly to what 20 Million full-time seeking Americans do to try to make it out there.

Letting Things Become Uplifted

I'm starting to see the bigger picture with a little more clarity now. In life, being humans we really can't put enough time into dealing with every issue with every person in the world. It's just economically and socially impossible- I guess through using an acceptable form of assumption, we could dare ourselves into thinking it would be possible to make everyone happy. Through all of the personal convictions rising out of the heart and feeling so adamant about how it could be done, I now see that I'm only human and am limited to how much I could do because there's a future to worry about with the next generation.

What I'm meaning to say is that we don't have time to make friends with every single person who gets introduced in this world and most likely won't be able to in 300 years from now. By saying something like this, it's just inevitable to mention the truth in how frail and transient all of our lives are. The saying goes death is the equalizer!

What I'm noticing the most is that sometimes a person doesn't need what another person thinks would be best. Misunderstandings can happen when being around the wrong type of crowd, but why wouldn't a person have a longing search for happiness if he or she really wanted it? There's really no need to just force some things onto a person.

What I'm Going To Do With Two Restraining Orders

Basically, I got a restraining order from a dude who was extremely paranoid when I mentioned that his dad died of cancer and that he was turning out to be a potentially good man. I wrote this on a blog similar to this while I was extremely mad at him; it took a lot of self-control to not write all these curse words about him when I was feeling angry with him. Nonetheless, I did my best to give him some props and try to still treat him as a friend.

He turned out to be a very misled crybaby and retaliated on me with a restraining order. Basically, the restraining order doesn't show up on my papers for any criminal charges. I'm lucky in a sense that I don't have any convictions on my record! The restraining order is over now and I guess I have someone I can go up to and scare now any time soon. I could for fun make myself perceive to be a crazy man to him. It's one of those fun imaginative things I get to do, if I want to.

Few More Hours To Kill

Basically right now, I'm in the process of figuring out what I'm going to be taking back home with me. Now that I've thought of it, I pretty much know what I'm going to be packing and discarding. Okay, that was an easy thought. I'm pretty much spending most of the day here with taking my time in rearranging everything and getting my head straight in order. Nothing like a boring day today. Nothing pays like just sitting there and earning a salary- this is pretty much how it's been for me  starting from yesterday. It's like I should be on vacation, but no, I have to sit around to earn some money.

It seems like perspective is a very important thing in life. Without it, there wouldn't really be people coming up with extravagantly stupid rules but nonetheless, on the contrary, there are also people who like to think ethically; hint hint, I think it's logical to rationalize a pretty good amount of people in general prefer to be in moral standing most of the time unless their head is just caught up with something turning them into an evil and sorry person.

I'm finally at a point in my life where I don't really mind doing things that I naturally prefer and also placing my faith on something greater than Man itself- it really keeps me in check and to try to have reason while I'm pondering about evil things occasionally. I don't feel disappointed in other words if I don't receive the result I've been looking for- I just know that persisting and going in the right direction will eventually happen.

Coming Back Home

I'm actually graduating from this government-training class that I've attended for about four months. On top of coming with a pretty nice secret security clearance which I really didn't have to work to get and was part of the perks in committing to my work, I'm finally coming back home through the government paying for my plane ticket! Man, it's pretty nice to be a federal employee.

It looks like I'm really planning myself for a successful career. Ever since last year, I've been assuming that I have a wife; basically, the saying goes fake it until you make it! My wife is very pretty; she's a 10 out of ten! However, my physical attraction of her isn't the best part of her- she's someone who I can get along really well with and enjoy company. The meeting process was pretty rough; on some occasions it might have felt that I was letting go of my soul mate but then again, I felt this connection with her being like a big sister to me even though she could be resentful towards me today. This person I'm referring to is not my wife because spiritually speaking she's a sister so duh!

Getting Little More Creative

I guess with the situation being where it's at in the economic crisis, I believe that it's really about letting things take care of itself. I don't know what I'm really saying; I'm just being random for right now. I believe that people just want to hire top talent so that they could manage something wonderful and make a nice chunk of money off of. I mean for the average person, who wouldn't really want to never sham if opportunity called for it and earn something great about it? I mean who wouldn't try their best to beg for a position if it pays well and try to fit in so they could make a living; with all of the 20 million people out there in the United States looking for the right full time job- who really wouldn't do those things I mentioned?

I think it's just better to take it where it might be the most natural for a person. For myself, I'm not really that bright enough to be able to find myself a very comfortable position. I'm always going to have to work on it with wherever I end up. It's basically dealing with the pains of life or another way of putting it, how much booze I can avoid from destroying my life. From working at gaining security, obviously it means being on your toes enough to make it happen and starting really young in life is really understandable but as you get older then it's really going to make you look bad to continue shaming and not really doing anything and just sitting there laughing about people's failures and ignoring your own status.

What I am proposing is that if a man just sits on his lame buttocks all day and can't do anything but play video games then might as well try to aspire on becoming a professional game player. There's a good amount of money from sponsors given to the winning player or team. For myself, it's only a pipe dream but I might as well make the opportunity of winning a big stack of cash be my excuse for playing those addictive and competitive games. It's called being creative in a self-manipulative way to apease some really strong desires. I remember Betty Lam laughing the whole time when I said that I was addicted to video games; I guess she was attracted to me or something admitting to my faults; I guess I made it seem like I was depressed and all so for a woman, then maybe it would be considerably funny.

You know Betty was a funny and weird person in a way. I thought she looked good sometimes but most of the time, I really didn't care how she appeared to me. I was a little sad that I was shorter than her, but whatever I'm over it now. What ticked me off a lot one time was when she yelled at me over something and then she became really direct with me about blocking me on her Facebook profile. I was like on crisis mode for a few years but now looking back at it, it's like whatever, I don't really mind anymore and I might just have her unblock me just to mess with her in a playfully harmless fashion. I really don't care now if I never see Betty anymore because from what I've heard she's no longer at that condemned location I've been writing about.

Really Exciting To Approach The Finish Line

With some difficult trials like what I'm going through, one being how I'm really far away from home and living on my own, it's really nice to know that I'm enjoying a pretty cushioned job right now and even though my personal advancements have felt moderately slow; it's so cool that I have gained some experience in how to be a disciplined person.

Through discipline and having a good source of encouragement coming from placing faith in something greater than myself, I've noticed some positive changes in my life. Along with being able to laugh about stuff that used to bother me, I see things at a perspective which could be helpful and objective. I was pretty much screaming like a girl in glee by yelling "Whoo!" It was like a female who drove past us who were a bunch of guys coming back from the gym and screamed the same thing at us last night.

It just feels good to know that I'm moving on and qualified for some job that's boring but who cares because I know that in the long run, I could pick up something better and for now I'm pretty squared away with some stability. I'm just looking at stuff at a natural preference now and believe me, I'm about put this intuition to the test by messing around with those church people who thought they could rightfully give me a hard time. I'm not really retaliating against them but using the full truth to laugh at their face and possibly hurt their feelings and I really don't care about their feelings by pointing out the truth of their failures and personal disappointments. I'll be a good sport about it and assist them in a moral and truthful manner without literally trying to bomb their social life. With me laughing hard about them, I don't think it will be that difficult for me to comprehend their stupid moments and not get angry with them.

Catching Up

Yesterday with being Friday and all, it was pretty fun being able to go out and play some basketball. I'm not really that good and I wasn't trying that hard and making some difficult shots! I was just messing around while running and shooting the basketball but I didn't really join in on a game because I felt that it would be a liability. Regardless of me playing well or not, I think what mattered the most to me was that I actually had fun and wasn't worried about how others perceived me while I was playing basketball.

I guess I suck but then again I'm getting a nice little warm up and some aerobic exercise so whatever and it's in a one-in-a-trillion and improbable chance that I will be able to make it to the N.B.A. so if I get hooked onto basketball then at least I can try to deceive myself into thinking that I could make a nice earning. It's really all in the imagination.

It's pretty nice to not feel so uptight anymore about making a living. I mean the things I'm doing to earn one is really about enjoying myself. For example, with the trucking industry lacking so many drivers right now and needing lots of more people to deliver goods to places, if a really smart person loves to drive and take good care of himself and really enjoys this line of work then he or she could very well be a fortunate person in current economic times!

Yeah, I really see that I have been really stressing it in the wrong places and just needed to see it to believe it for myself. I'm pretty much glad that this ancient book that I have been trying to read really has plenty of secure values and some great warnings about how people are in general.

Feeling Pretty Good

With yesterday's post, I really had a great time reliving some of those moments in my head. It wasn't really the best of times, but what I learned from it was some very valuable lessons and something for me to laugh about at the expense of very bad people. I'm just saying that in a joking way, so don't quote me as being very literal about it; they are so bad that when they walk into a room full of bad people, the devil stomps his feet out of jealousy. Yes, I'm seriously joking around about how bad those people were and they claim to be Christians! Shame on them because they don't know jack about it. I guess they can take in some of the rightful persecution going their way and let me prosper making money doing stocks.

By reading yesterday's post, I really had to try my best to not fall off my seat while laughing hysterically. I'm noticing that with me writing on Facebook, I'm actually comfortable about communicating electronically. I guess those people and every single one of them who sided against me at that Hope of God Church in Los Angeles were basically wrong! I'm also happy that a pretty girl added me on her Facebook page- like it really has any relevance to what I'm typing right now but that's what I was thinking about when it comes to feeling pretty good.

I'm feeling pretty good about my progress in communicating with lots of pretty, pretty women. It's just about being friends right now, but I can see how I'm getting comfortable with myself and not feeling intimidated if I end up socializing with a woman who is like Shaq's height. Self-deprecating myself used to feel bad but now that I'm pretty used to it, it's actually quite funny to me and gets me laughing most of the time to put me in a good mood. Therefore, this means that I can laugh hard when I get an epic failure with something and then try to improve from it and get better on the most important things that I want to acheive great success with.

I don't know what I'm really fussing about. Some of the girls I remember who ended up removing me from their Facebook with the exception of one girl are not really that great looking anyway. Like Cynthia Kwok, Annie Tran,  Betty Lam, Lee, and even my little sister are not the world's greatest looking women. My relationship with my little sister is a lot more funnier in terms of having a Facebook relationship, but my point is that I've been making a fuss over some females who are not all that good looking. Maybe my frustrations became aroused from me trying to be a charitable person in just dealing with them as a friend. Man, I've come across some really pretty females in my life and I'm fortunate that the majority of them are a friend on my Facebook! My first crush in high school is even on my Facebook page too and wow, she's matured in an interesting fashion. So yeah, I don't see why I should fuss about some average and short Asian males removing me from their Facebook page too like Jarred Taing and Chris Kuch.

Full Crazy Story Part 1 of Who Knows?

I'm going to create like a short mini-series with this posting effect I do. It's obviously not that elaborate and eloquent as an author who puts a lot of time into writing a decent book, but for the purposes of finding myself, I have decided to go full out with my details and keep it as accurate as possible. I'm not really under any scrutiny for pointing out the truth so I'll consider myself fortunate. I'm also going to try to cover as much as possible before the crazy opposition decides to go mad and hire an assassin or something to get rid of me!

At the time, I was highly distressed because I was worried about a lot of things and frustrated that the most significant people in my life at that moment of time were acting so obstinate with me and not catching my drift. A woman who I do not want to really think of that fondly, Cynthia Kwok told me that I was going to end up laughing about the whole situation and that I needed to be more covert and prudent in my dealings. She was also complaining about how she didn't want to get involved with the situation.

The whole time hearing about how people didn't want to get involved with me when I just intended on talking to gain some intel out of just wanting honest details about the situation and actually someone to reason with was pretty frustrating. Why go to a psychologist when I could get that for free from people who claim they can help you with it. Obviously, now that I think of it, I think they were just messed up in the head or something because they didn't know how to listen to my heart. They were just exaggerating something that wasn't really a big deal.

The more I think about the crazy events in a fully objective manner, the more I really want to laugh about the situation now. I'm going to try to sum it all up in a few sentences which might need some revising but my intention isn't to leave anything out that I can remember now. I don't even care if it looks bad on me now because I'm laughing about the crazy situation I was put into. From what Carlos Julio Rojas told me one time, he said that I had no permission to talk with others about some issues he had because he demanded his privacy. Okay, so he was doing some bad things and his response is basically, "I don't care." He's quite a character now that I think of it- he just laughs at stuff that people he has an opposition with who have a hard time over something and tries to force it to get there when people he sides with go against the person he wants to challenge- I guess he doesn't mind being an add-on to someone he confides in when it comes to bullying others. When he doesn't get the good day he was looking for, he just ignores it and just keeps on saying "I don't care" until the moment arrives for him to start laughing really hard about stuff that I don't even understand and can relate to. If his full intent like that can annoy people very highly and I'm not really affected by it anymore and can smile while he's going on his stupid rant, then I guess I've come a long ways.

The whole situation started out with me trying to write to everybody very openly. I was basically trying to tell jokes or get some satisfaction out of a very quiet and closed circle. I just kept on e-mailing them and then one time, I think I wrote something indirectly related to procreation of humans and then it caused like a frenzy in the group. This group is actually real and they were telling me that I was going to cause them to end their group based on this e-mail and because I was continually trying to communicate to two women in ways they didn't want me to, which was through electronic communication. Chris Kuch told me "Don't use electronic communication" over and over again. I have used this form of electronic communication through messaging in Facebook and when Chris Kuch was mentioning I was making others uncomfortable about it, well then, he must have inadvertently tried to bully me around or something. If I have someone I can open my mouth to and thank goodness, I don't need to resort to just one psychologist, then I guess if it's not my intention to make someone uncomfortable then it's also in my power to make them feel insulted if I want to through text messaging!

I was really sensitized for awhile when I received a note from court (very true statement) that said that I had to work with Washington Chun at a minimum of zero yards! Keeping in mind the number zero yards, Washington intended on reverting to his old foolish and angry ways to retaliate on me by intending on making it a restraining order. The last time I checked, a restraining order is used to keep someone away and not give him or her permission to professionally solicit him at work with zero yards; that would mean I could have wiped his desk and checked for any cocaine deposits or something while I was standing right next to him at his cubicle!

Basically, Washington's restraining order turned out to be a pain because the judge pointed out it was too ridicuolous to even remove it because there was no significance out of it when I tried to plea my case. I now understand the lack of significance because I actually managed to obtain a profession without any problems and because it doesn't count as a felony. By mentioning this whole restraining order thing to the Hope of God Church in Los Angeles especially Lee, she ended up writing this paper of rules to live by and begged me to do it for three months. What's so wrong for me to not do it for three months when I would potentially be able to do it for a long time afterwards? I don't really see the logic behind their crazy disciplining action with me.

I sort of feel bad but I think when a guy is dealing with females, sometimes, it wouldn't be right without involving some feelings. Basically, I tried to force myself to flirt with Betty Lam but I was so mad about feeling physically attracted to Annie Tran. I really tried to deal with it so I created a poem that bagged on their looks. It stirred up an even more outrageous and over-reacting amount of fury from Golf [-ffffff]. Trying to talk about this made Bae and Pastor Chai and all the nicest people who I thought were get all crazy with me and starting yelling at me.

It gets even more crazier because it seemed like Lee wanted to involve herself with me and seemed to express some deep feelings with me. She said that she loved me and that I was struggling with finding the right mate to procreate with. It was pretty negative but I can see how she might have showed some interest with me in that way, but I don't really like her.

Basically this whole event ended up with me getting hand cuffed by police and sitting in the back seat. I never saw a jail cell and the police man was harrassing me by telling me that I was going to a mental hospital. He told me that if I ever came back then he would give me a can of whoop A! I guess I won't be seeing that cop around again because I defeated his poor attitude and I heard from Carlos Julio Rojas that the cop admitted to losing his patience with me.

It also ended up with me not defending my restraining order case against Lee. I also ended up getting a female lawyer who was probably more of a flirt with me then of a professional help. It was a waste of $1000 out of my dad's pocket! Honestly, I was thinking about exaggerating the situation but my mom was with me so I couldn't try to hug Lee and kiss her on the cheek and run away laughing saying something like she'll never have me as a husband.

Basically Lee's defense was bringing over Betty Lam- the woman who I tried to force myself to flirt with. Secondly, Annie Tran seemed to show some amiable feelings towards me; I guess I'm that good enough to do it even though I'm pretty short for being a guy. Annie was with Lee too at the court house and also the pastor. I think I heard Annie look towards my direction and go "Awwwww."

Lee basically started yelling in court and looked like she was in a very moody state- it's times like these that some guys believe she's going through some nasty period! I was pretty much victimized over something insignicant and part of living life. I've had so much fun recalling all these events even though it was painful. My restraining order ends with Lee next January 1st- her intent was to keep me away from her visually seeing me offending her from communicating with Betty in person at her church. Lee's thought was that I was offending Betty and was trying to put an intervention or something. Lee also felt that she had some divine intervention or something to do this to any member of her church; however, Lee didn't see that I never was officially a member of the church.

I'm never going to marry Lee- that's my conclusion.

Learning To Live With 6 Hours of Sleep

I have actually been used to getting really sleepy whenever I tried to learn something new or try to go out and make a living. It was something I really didn't enjoy and somehow, my selfish mind was still trying to get myself hooked up with some good deals at a workplace so I could earn a living and enjoy myself. Ever since I've joined this government job position, I have really been getting disciplined to the point that now even when I'm tired, I'm still up and studying and still working as hard as I can.

Six hours isn't really a lot of sleep but man, I'm up for a very long time after getting up fairly early. It's something that I'm getting pretty used to now. One of my colleagues has told me that waking up at 7:30 am is considered to be early for most working parents. I now understand what he means. Waking up at 4 in the morning doesn't even feel so bad now when I have to from having trained in this discipline of getting less sleep.

I think I might actually be a pretty valuable employee someday in the civillian sector to any company who gets lucky enough to hire me. I'm always going to arrive at least ten minutes early to work because that's what I believe in out of courtesy and that's how my government job rolls. I'm going to get my duty done even on days that I'm not feeling it because I have learned the discipline to stick to it even when life really sucks.

On top of all this good work ethic developing, I can really see myself being head of a household with some children to raise and force to eat sushi with me (so random, I know) in the next ten years. I might actually be pretty well off during those years and be pretty physically fit with a decent and faithful wife. Life can actually treat you really well if you know how to live morally and ethically, along with placing faith in something very good and true.

Putting Things On The Line

Basically, this is going to be a pretty funny post because the way I'm coming up with things is a little outside the box but something that has been done. I'm not really about to spoon-feed every single detail just yet until I actually make the money and reasonably see that others could benefit from it and not bring me down at the same time. It only logically makes sense because if I'm doing good and then sell my advice to others in something that is very prolific then it's a win-win situation because on top of doing pretty financially well, I also get to earn more money from helping others at the same time.

Basically, it's really about developing a game plan or a strategy through putting yourself through a lot of time and effort. Once it happens, then that's when the fun begins from making all that money and enjoying free time. Right now, I can't really take about current government position because it's classified. Yes, I get to enjoy some secrets that probably only 1% of the United States population knows about- it's not too bad for the secret level clearance I currently have.

On top of being trained for that position, I'm going to see if I can volunteer as a biomedical repair technician which would definitely suit me. It would be fun to mess around with CPR equipment and test it on myself using low voltage. I guess I like to have fun through joking lightly with machinery if I get the chance. I don't know; maybe I'll test it on my dog if it's presumably safe so I have to mention it needs to be safe because if I write otherwise, then I'll offend some people who care about animal rights and I don't feel like doing that.

Anyhow, maybe I'll just go for a position in repairing biomedical equipment for hospitals which sounds like a cool and pretty stable job. On top of this, I'm starting to become a poker fiend- doing the math right now I could reliably top out at earning about $6000 per month playing poker for only an hour a day. Now that's called being the ultimate hustler! I also have some stock trading venues going on and when I mention it people ask me how much I made. I usually tell them this factual account- I took a $2000 account and profited $10000 in three months which is not bad. Some people around me have actually took some of my advice and set up demo accounts for trading to test how good they are and learn more about it.

On top of making a pretty decent chunk of change for putting about an hour or two of my time away each day, it's not bad getting to stay home and spend time with family and do fun stuff like break stuff around the house and play my piano. I just might mess around with electric guitars too and shake the roof down! I also intend on getting involved quite a bit in real estate too.

Basically, I'm going to specialize in three different areas now while putting a little amount of time to each of them virtually everyday to make a very healthy living and never have to work at an office again. However, I just might go to work at any job for fun. 

Seizing the Moment

Carpe diem [Seize the day] in Latin was discussed about briefly in the movie Dead Poet's Society. It's a pretty tragic film about a teenager who gets really pressured by his role model and loving father into doing something he didn't want to do and then had trouble coping with the measures of adding up to living to what he was actually worth. I, myself, experienced this type of stress too; I basically wanted to do something important but wasn't really up to the task because I wanted to just play video games the whole time and look for a loving girlfriend to have some fun with which was an urge that really could never be satisfied. My dad pretty much tried to trash my video games and personal entertainment- it felt very abusive at the time because I was in my puberty and dealing with a mixture of unbalanced hormones.

Ever since breaking away from my parent's influence, I have felt entitled to read up on moral things. I really found myself starting to read and examine this ancient manuscript that depicts the state of humans in a blunt manner which is probably too much for some people. I find myself placing a pretty good amount of faith in what this text has to offer and feel so much happier trying to avoid placing myself in bondage of something evil daily.

Now is the time for the right people take advantage of opportunities that are out there. For example, the whole country in the United States probably doesn't know that practically anyone could find a job in the state of Virginia which is the state with the least amount of unemployment. Probably a good amount of people who also want a job so badly and don't care what it is and how much they have to work as long as it pays good don't know that there's an oil rig which pays unexperienced people a 100 K salary that opened up in South Dakota- making this state in charge of governing a billion dollar industry.

I guess it's interesting from being around and seeing those types of opportunities- I don't see people trying to venture really far out of their comfort zones from being unemployed and actually obtaining these jobs so that they can sustain a pretty healthy family. It could also be that maybe the person thinks he is a lot brighter than he really is. Therefore, unhealthy pride may exactly be the reason to why financial ties are declivous. Also, some people try to confide in themselves which isn't bad but like the luck of the draw, it just isn't going to be happening from the great amount of unwise investments they were drawn into. In other words, there's just nothing you can really do about it and something you have to leave behind and not assist in anymore; otherwise, it drags everyone else around down too. Therefore, seize the moment and capture the enemy flag which means that our enemy has got to be stress!

Letting Things Be Good

I now have something that I would greatly need to work on. Through the days, I'm noticing a few areas where I could work on so that I could improve my life very dramatically. There are basically two things that I'm having a natural difficulty in overcoming: being mindful of everything and having a working and assured idea of what to do without feeling so timid. The second part comes from not having enough information meaning that I'm oblivious to some knowledge of the norm- it would be nice to a guru in this area of socializing because then I might have an easier time connecting with others and relating with people. I used to enjoy thinking from an individualistic level, which isn't so bad and actually gets down to the nitty gritty at a personal one-on-one basis. I feel like I'm competing as a psychologist against a sociologist right now. I think it really depends on the theme of an issue with any occupation and that if the person is comfortable with it then well, it's going to have to be accepted at an understandable level; what I'm saying is that it may not be wrong to push a son or daughter to become a doctor or something significant but what he or she decides to do in the end is something the parent can't always force to stop.

I think being very detailed oriented and nearly perfect in this area isn't very natural for me. It's probably because of my masculine characteristics; whereas, females seem to remember these daily situations a lot better than I could. Basically, one of the newest things I'm striving for now is having this detailed- oriented sense of direction for the purposes of avoiding so many personal headaches that are unnecessary.  I think the cure for it is to play a game of chess with a very formidable opponent and then let it develop into a pattern of thinking that is very comprehensive and fast. I believe it means becoming a master of the process of elimination.

Managing My Own Ticked Off-ness

Managing my own ticked off-ness which means the definition of how I'm feeling not so fond at someone because of how I feel angry at them for doing something that either hurt my feelings or alarmed in a way that placed me in a bad mood isn't A) really so bad, B) so bad at all, and C) very boring waters where I can't swim like a shark.  Note, I'm trying to be positive here right now.

Okay, so my uber fantasies about how I'm going to live my life doesn't really seem so bad. It takes some engaging and accepting some things- it's like giving back and then putting in the time to get really good at something. What I'm going to do right now is shave again because I want to look my very best and sharp as possible. I might put on some deodorant too to kill some odors and let my armpits run feeling fresh like riding with the windows open in a car. I'm just making some stuff up right now as I go. I'm just trying to make up some jokes to make this interesting.

I'm now off to get ready for a big special event. I'm actually going to a formal ball right now where everybody will most likely be taller than me even though I'm a guy and some females are coming. I think there's a female friend who wouldn't mind dancing with me if the guys in charge don't feel like being very strict on boy-girl relationships over there- anyway, she's like a pretty coworker who I'm supposed to treat as like a sister so maybe the supervisor might disapprove of me doing it. Oh well, I'll just probably do the disco with my guy friends and look a little suspicious today for a lot of laughs.

Forgot All About It

Basically, I was pretty busy yesterday and I thought I typed something on here. Looks like I didn't so I have to type one more extra than I usually would. Dupedy-doo! No worries, oh boy I only have like 10 minutes left before I get busy again. Ahhhh, this is so refreshing knowing that I'm like pressed for time everyday.

Okay, I'm running out of thoughts to put down on here. I'm like this short guy who gets greeted by fellow females who know me; I guess that's a good highlight to boost my confidence today. Maybe by how they're feeling, it probably doesn't matter how ugly I look or not so tall I am? This is pretty interesting because we all have our lows and highs. I wonder if there's someone when they are at their low, they want to do something that's very fun and highly engaging into some significant activity. I think some people know what I'm referring to; again I'm trying to keep this G-rated.

Attempting Small Changes For Fun

I've had this slight addiction starting from graduating at high school on influencing others to not act so dumb around me. It obviously made them feel uncomfortable enough that they would not even try to engage hanging out with me- I was usually the initiator and managed to do most of the planning and get a lazy person or two to go out with me. It really wasn't fun because I didn't want to do all of that painful planning and worrying about getting let down by them.

Through those moments of unsuccessfully leading others and not really have a brain at the time to discuss about others the way people do and laugh all the time, I was pretty much suffering psychologically about nothing. Yeah, it took me awhile but now I'm seeing some logical reasoning about the circumstances that are arising now. I'm like in self-control with myself, and it seems to be a defining character of how others don't mind me so much.

I'm probably going to be messing around a lot with those slighty crazed people I mentioned- they seem to have some weak minds because when I spill the truth, they might become aversive about it with me. It's a lot of work because most of the time I don't feel like doing anything with them, but then again something underneath in my heart is telling me to just try and mess around with them. I just know that one thing leads to another and that any more negative actions coming out from them is really going to impact them even more in a negative light. I could use this personal conviction to my advantage now and just have some fun without really retaliating against them.

Finding Good Connections

I think building a good network of friends and co-workers is really necessary to find a position that will help you move up the ladder. It seems like some issues place an individual on top of another and that it's just what it is- I can't really make any advertent observation about it right now. Basically, I just signed up for one of those cheesy dating sites and I put down a profile that said I'm just browsing and not interested in anything and then all these really interested and mature women start messaging me on a daily basis. That's pretty weird.

Now that I see that love might be easier to come by then I thought it was when a man or woman gets to be the appropriate age, I guess there's no reason for me to feel sad for thinking I'm really short. A short man connecting with a beautiful woman could go a long way sometimes and even end up in a happy marriage which is really funny to relate. I guess it comes down to relating and understanding each other at a compatible level and then referring to love later if it develops later in the pertained stage of life. It's just truthful and something a blatantly tall and arrogant man is going to have to accept someday.

If I wasn't short myself then I would probably never have made this post, but since I found my way to making this connection- it is what it is! Those dirty magazines and smutty sites really suck now that I think about it compared to having a lovely wife with some kids you need to discipline every once in awhile but mean well to any elder's good health.