Ending The Year With A Bang

I would like to thank everyone who visited this site in spirit and wherever you are, God speed!!! I know I've written some sensitive material that might have been offensive in nature, and it's been brought to my own personal understanding. Yet, I just want to move on now and learn from my personal experiences and continue to grow in a really positive manner.

I am pleasantly delighted that the views on this site after seven years have on average doubled in months. I take delight on tracking down some of my posts you all read and reviewing them for purposes of keeping a piqued interest and to reexamine what was going on my head at that time. In a way, this isn't the best thing I have going for myself right now. Yet, it's been faring in a really enjoyable way for me.

One of the things I pledge to work on is not letting my distracting and stressful emotions get the best of me. A lot of it really deals with becoming irritated and feeling very mad about some events that took place for me. I don't want to act like an adolescent anymore with raging hormones; it's getting too old for me but instead I want to live a great and healthy life now. One of the biggest things I have to reveal is that I have become more intrepid about my bluntness, but I'm doing it with some fun style this time that makes me laugh hard inwardly. I'm obviously not in direct and physical contact with anyone when I'm writing, so I'm trying to put some original material down that makes me laugh outwardly, while no one is around. It's just one of my own reserved ways of having a good time. I've noticed that one of my dates in person really laughed at a lot of my comments while I really wasn't; I know they were funny, but I didn't act like it was at the time. I guess it's some food for thought in how I'm doing pretty decently with having platonic relations with a lot of females.

I like receiving some warm and deep hugs from beautiful women, which feels pretty good but I think the only person I would be able to get it consistently from is if I had a lovely girlfriend, so that could be a motivating drive for me to go get one. It was pretty crazy because I was seeing this one girl who was in a long term relationship already at this boring, vocational school for lunch. Okay, it felt weird but yeah, she was leaning her heart towards me, and I was attracted too but I just didn't feel right about her having a boyfriend already. Withholding myself from her felt like a mistake until it was finally revealed to me who my actual type of woman to marry is.

Simple Plans

Basically, that one church which screwed me over with nice people becoming annoying with me all of a sudden, yeah, I'm not going to be trying to still attend that church anymore. There's no benefit for me to fight so hard for that position; it won't even help me out that much in the long run anyway. I'm just going to let them go now. If they want a piece of me still, then I'll be available for them, but I totally doubt it because they are really fed up with me! I even learned that it's really all about communicating right since it mainly dealt with distressed and irrational people, but I understand this portion now.

That being said, I'm planning on engaging in some personal Bible studies; not so intense, but just enough to keep up with my intrigue in the Scriptures. I'm planning on doing it daily and then even trying out this whole prayer thing for the people in this world out of desiring to know real and fulfilling love.

Boy, I'm going to go really crazy with investing and still try to complete my temporary projects of trying to learn a language and gain some skills as a physician's assistant and a computer network expert. I still have other backups that I could get into also, so it seems like everything is set in place with pursuing after a pretty enriching and healthy life. I'm working out too on a daily basis and looking to get a six-pack someday! It's just being consistent and keeping up with it, no matter how badly the day just got to you. Maybe, one of these days, it will be just right for me to take on a wife of my dreams.  

Bread And Better

I think my side adventures of investing my money has put into some form of exciting career of trying to make money. Even if I don't milk a market for a lot of dough, I'm still pretty excited about sticking around. I think this means that I'm starting to really enjoy the pursuit of becoming a trader. I just asked a bunch of friends if they were interested in trading with me and that I would help them, but none of them want to lose money, even if the opportunity presents itself to make a lot of money!

I guess I'm the rare breed, the one in 10,000 people who endeavor to become a successful trader. My current bread and butter of earning a living is basically working a 2:15-10:45 job; not the typical 9 to 5 job but still it pays some dividends for me. Anyway, I'm looking to have a decent skill at an occupation so that I could keep earning some income, while I look into this whole investing opportunity. I think it's actually a lot of fun for me. Overall, it's really about balancing out how I play with my money. I'm not going to overspend on things anymore and basically handle a level I can deal with if I end up losing it.

Adjusting Trade Routine

I've been relatively still experimenting with tools that I think would work. This is still a work in progress, but it feels like I'm even more warmer. I believe these tools that I have right before me have a greater chance of making profit. I'm now including the news as part of my input before conducting some potentially rewarding trades.

I've wanted to stick with the 4H charts all this time and will still admire them, but now I'm drawn to just earning a quick 1:2 risk-reward trade with a smaller stoploss, so I've switched over to the 30M charts now. I'm also running a 1H charts too just to get a feel for how the market is currently doing. Along with having some good information from the news and having a bunch of common numbers other informed traders know about, I think I'm starting to get a decent feel for this market.

I believe I could also expand this Forex trading into also Binary Options, which is something new for me to explore. Despite the lower payouts, I'm actually excited about the opportunities the platform has to offer.

Interesting Question

This is the question that popped out of my head while I woke up after dreaming. I didn't even notice that I fell asleep on the couch because I thought I was tucked away nice and warm on my own bed. I guess it happens because I surely didn't remember prior to falling asleep. It's turning into a pretty bad habit, and I want to get used to at least using the bedroom and at least brushing my teeth before I fall asleep.

Anyway, getting back to my question. I was asking myself all morning and still a little curious to this pretty normal inquiry. Basically, how do you end up in a strong, loving, and exciting marriage with the beautiful person who is actually your type? I think it is one of the most important questions that get overlooked so easily. First off, is there really such a thing as someone being your type actually being interested with you also? Secondly, is it even possible that a dummy and a not so good-looking guy like myself could actually get the girl of my dreams?

I don't seriously know, and even if I draw some laughter from an unbelieving crowd, it's just something I'm curious about finding the answer to. Well, for starters, I think there are some personal standards that I should meet or exceed. I'm also basing off of what I feel my type would be really into; I think she wants a pretty level-headed, sensitive, and good man to be by her side.

24-7 New Years Resolutions

I'm going to start adding in a little visual on my posts now, because it seems to make it a little more easier on the eyes and probably a little more sentimental in reading these posts for others. I've already created my permanent goals that I want to keep going with in my life. There is however something I really want to try to maintain again from now on and for the rest of the life. I really want to maintain my own personal health and keep up with it; like brushing my teeth on a daily basis twice and flossing. I really need to do this.

Also, I really need to make an appointment with a dentist now and go for a routine clean on my teeth. I'm really being bad at going to the dentist. Since I have also had some Lasik done on my eyes, I feel pretty confident about not needing glasses for awhile so I'm not going to bother in seeing an optometrist nor even waste their time. It does feel a little weird not having glasses because I did look pretty good with glasses. I think the reason why I didn't get that much attention from girls is probably because maybe they don't really care that much about how I look, and the ones who did say I was handsome were the girls I treated fairly well with a good amount of respect.

Overall, I think there just needs to be balance in how you treat a girl. Some deserve it a little better than others and some are just worth leaving alone to let them keep to themselves while moving on. I'm now exploring the capacities of fully moving on while holding no grudges with anyone now. When I do see them in person now, I'm going to do the best I can to just communicate at a basic level while saying funny stuff that's going to make me laugh so hard, so I won't feel bad about them reacting very negatively with me and so I can understand about having to move on at that moment in my life. Yeah, I'll just let them come to me now; instead of me going to them.

Reaching Christmas Time

I'm really excited about this year's Christmas because I'm expecting it like never before. I've usually waited until the last minute to buy presents for everyone. I'm not really the type to receive gifts from everyone either. It sort of bites to think in a selfish manner like that. I think with me never having received gifts from anyone makes me think that I haven't really been that much open of a person. By being constantly stressed out, I'm leaving myself out of others' circles. Likewise, I think it's the same for others too.

Maybe I give off the feeling that I'm not very much into gifts and not very big on being a party animal. The majority in the world is pretty selfish, but to have a gathering place where the selfish ones could be motivated into giving and the ones who are looking to give could just freely give without feeling sheepish, is quite a wonder. Working through my own ambitions and emotional problems, I'm starting to just accept them as my own personal frailty and to also look into relating to others who might be in a similar jam as I am.

A lot of it is really just about being a natural freak of nature and forcing upon basic communication with the people you want to do it to. It's also hard work and sticking closely to what you believe in so much and at the same time having fun with it to the maximum level with contentment, just in case the person does something unexpectedly negative and feels she has a reason for it.

Benefits of Blogging Personal Efforts

Sometimes when the morning is just feeling uneasy from something I'm having trouble settling in my head, by just taking a little moment out of the day to just let it all out by typing stuff onto this blog, it's really making me happy again! I'm really starting to more or less think a little bit more smarter, despite my feelings being out of whack at the moment. I seem to be better at managing my feelings of people annoying me because I have never taken the initiative to block anyone from communicating with me and even though I felt uncomfortable, I managed to become cool with it eventually.

I think the way to handle people being crazy with you and just doing depressing stuff to you is to just reveal the right things to them by talking in a timely and skillful manner. It's basically establishing control and making them look bad in a moral sense and also showing you how bad they really are being at an emotional level so you can keep out of their way when you sense they will go berserk with you. It's best to keep it fresh and original and make it very effective from the start, instead of letting it linger. If it didn't work out from just having been a little lazy or something, I wouldn't stress it so much either and just try to be original again and then hammer the baby home!

Becoming Humble At Taking Risks

By learning all that I can, I believe that I might not be able to handle so well with the idea of becoming a winning poker player. Getting into the world of professional gambling may be fun, but it's just too risky for me and also is something I just can't factor into my lifestyle anymore.

I'm starting to gain this high interest of investing to earn a high amount of potential profit. It's only little by little for me, and it's going to take a lot more time but I have faith that it's eventually going to come together. No longer am I about investing in learning products; I want to go out and gather the free material that is out there and put together a system that is well suited for me. I'm ready to take the scary journey of doing it mainly on my own, and I'll take the free advice that professionals are willing to offer me in exchange for a transaction we could both be happy in settling with.

My mom told me that a true business man never spends and just keeps on spending because it won't generate profit. In order to have a business, there needs to be some form of income which will make profit. This is what a business is all about; it's about making profit and no matter how much bad feelings I have from thinking negatively about it and how life should be about finding fulfillment and joy with some working routine, it's pretty much the cut and dry approach.

Starting To Change For Maturing

I think when I have wrote stuff with people that has ended up making me laugh so hard, it has created some positive intended effects for myself. I think I'm meant to be someone who dwells on original jokes and shares them with others who don't like me at the moment. It's probably one of my strong suits when it comes to basic communication.

I don't need to waste my time over matters that doesn't interest me; neither do I need to go after being on people's cases. There is this feeling of an endless supply of people's interests and issues- to try to analyze every one of them, it's going to create a mental overload! I might as well just go after what makes sense to me at the moment and develop in certain key areas when the timing is right.

I was such an emotional wreck, but now I'm starting to gain a whole ton of stability and it's only getting better for me. Yet, it's time for me to avoid the potential bad things that could happen for me and go after balancing my emotional drives with the people I'm fully interested in.

Vacation, So Much Fun!

What's really awesome for me is that I don't have to work for the next couple weeks. I'm going to really enjoy this vacation, along with the bonuses I received from work. For the first time, I actually have a decent amount for a salary. I didn't expect myself to reach this level, but it's a great confidence booster. For my income, I reached only 40 K compared to my 25 K that never could top itself out. I was recommended a job by a friend who ended up putting a restraining order on me and then quitting his job because of it and not wanting to be around me. Yeah, he was just really stressed out and not thinking straight; he's still a little like that and is never going to change. Oh well, I can shake off my feelings of being really angry at him.

It's funny though and seems like a story you would only find in the movies. I think I have enough of those incidences for others to be sort of interested at poking their noses with me. I really should just start thinking about the worst, possible outcomes and if it's something I can't really handle or is going to look bad on me then might as well just avoid it and move on.

Being Under Emotional Discomfort

When life feels so unfair about anything, big or small, there are things that could happen and create this personal feeling of being tormented. It's very difficult to manage, and it's not a wonderful aspect to live with. Yet, no matter how much I do things right, it's only going to keep on adding itself on a daily basis to having to reach a high level and to stay there.

When it becomes all empty inside and allowing society to define who we are supposed to be, life just feels so meaningless at times. My life isn't really supposed to be about keeping myself occupied with funny T.V. shows or playing super fun and crazy-addictive video games. It isn't really about wasting time like a drug and then hoping for the day to never end.

I really think it's all about perseverance and thinking about the right level. If others can't reach this level while reaching out to them, I believe it's appropriate to let them go now and to just move on. If time permits by a chance meeting, then I think that's the appropriate time to conduct personal business and to attempt things to settle then.

Feeling Down But Staying Positive

For me, I feel really hurt inside when a person doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I'm not used to the feeling of someone trying to push me far away as possible and doing whatever they can to get it their way. I just don't want to be a bad person to them, so when I try to make things better and things just keep getting worse, I might as well just let it go then if I run out of time in being with them. When I am with them, I should do the best I can to solve it, but when I am not with them, I should make the effort as much as possible to not go chasing after them.

The feelings I get of being hurt from being so let down and rejected over nothing serious should pretty much be something I should feel and then be able to use to relate to others who are also feeling sad. With it, I should manage myself by being actually positive and working at something to be successful at. I don't need to cover my shame and frustrations over taking it out on video games, neither do I need to keep my head low, I should keep it high and aim for the wonderful things in life. After all, I know who my type of girl is now that I want to marry.

Like A Spiritual Sodom And Gomorrah

Sodom and Gomorrah are two ancient cities based on the Bible where they both ended up becoming in ruins. The main characters of this Bible story were pretty much running away from the cities, while it was getting blown up into bits. The sad thing that happened was that the wife of the main dude Lot (interesting name) looked back at the city and then turned into a pillar of salt. Seems pretty messed up, along with adding to a crazy tale about his daughters.

Anyway, I'm not interested in what those cities represent to typical Bible students. I'm just looking at it from how what it reminds me of my situation. Basically, something very bad was going on in those two cities that made God judge that they had to be destroyed. In a way, I feel that the church that screwed me over has something bad going on there and despite there being a couple good people there, it isn't really going to thrive that well. I'm just going to go for a figurative run and just go far away from that church now without turning my head back now. I'm calling for a separating of ways- a separate peace, in other words.

I'm just going to abandon every thought I had going with that church now and just go do my thing. I want to see things the way God intended it to be, and it's not happening for me so far. Oh well, might as well just keep on trying to read the Bible.

Getting Ready For A New Year

I'm pretty much planning some fun stuff over the next year. At least a good thing is that I finally figured out who my type of girl really is and yeah, she's still on my Facebook. It feels like she could be the last female standing for me, if I end up losing all my other female friends. Well, I'm never going to lose my adopted sister on there anyway. I also have a few more great female friends I'll never lose either.

Well, it can't be really that bad. I'm just getting mentally beat up by people who suck at managing their own personal feelings and get so cranky about it with me when I end up bugging them about stuff they put me through. It's something I'm just going to have to accept this sad area of defeat in and just move on with eventually. I don't want to be the bad guy anymore and then crash and burn later my other great relationships I've had over the years. I need to figure out this balance eventually because I'm really selfish in this area of wanting to get along with everyone.

Unexpected Year

Something I recall as a kid was having dealt with some mean-spirited female classmates. I think a large reason is that it just made me feel so much in despair and that pretty much entailed how I was down and out. In the process though, the girl ended up acting somewhat nice with me again after awhile. I used to be so sensitive about these little emotional things; I've truly lost a whole sight of it from trying to grind out something I can't let go of.

I think I should just accept how unfair the situation is for me and let me feel the sadness and grief that results over it. I mean I should let myself mourn over whatever it is and just do the best I can to push forward and move on. At the same time, I should be focusing on the positive and good things that I've come to realize and how I should be so diligent at going after things that are so greatly admired.

Honestly, it's really all about timing. Even if I didn't get the desired result, I'm going to have to take in the sad feelings and work at staying positive still and just move on the right and happy way. I'll just tell myself, maybe next time, it will be different.

Basic Communication

Now, I'm getting these thoughts of "This girl's crazy" and that. Boy, that was a weird interaction I had with this single mom; she sort of likes me in a hateful way. Therefore, she is not my type. What happened was that I was explaining to her why I'm bugging her and others and that if she wants me to stop, then they should try to get along with me in a friendly manner. She ended up whining about how I was being annoying to her and that she would block my messages. I told her that she had done so repeatedly; she ended up denying it and then stated she blocked me and wished me happy salutations of my journey in seeking her out.

Honestly, I think that girl was just messing with me without even knowing it. I think she was also feeling sick of me trying to reason with her at the same time and ended up sending me a sadistic and playful message. I'm just laughing because the comments I wrote make me laugh so much, and I truly understand her reaction even though I'm disappointed with her. I think it's been done and said with plenty of fair time to interact with one another and even though I feel drawn in to her, I don't feel right about it. I'm just going to move on and let her live her life.

The Bad Person I Could Have Been

I think the good thing about not giving into my evil and selfish desires of humiliating another person and annoying the heck out of him by just constantly yelling at him all the time is that my relationships with people I get along really well with have only become more stronger. The flip side of it is that the ones who I'm doing bad with have only become even more worse; it's like walking away from a drawn line and never looking back and just continuously going further away.

Despite my downfall with a bunch of sore losers and idiots who can't manage their own feelings and blame others for their own mess they put themselves into, I have very good welfare for myself. It looks like more and more though as time flies, I don't need to worry about these losers biting my rear behind later on in life. I was in so much panic mode because I was trying to be nice and like pulling the wrong strings on every end of a corner. Instead of getting chewed up in the grinder, I ended up escaping and it looks like there's a good sign of hope for me.

Now, I realize I'm communicating my thoughts of why I'm bugging these people at a personal level with them. At least, it's what I would call basic communication because I'm laying out my demands and capitalizing on what would bother these people.

Analyzing Spending Of Time

I think a major part of spending time really comes with the thoughts we center our minds on. For a pretty annoying amount of time, I was thinking about how to solve a relationship issue with some people I hardly know and were fed up with me. I kept on trying but it seems like things were getting worse because my mentality on the topic wasn't so penchant about it.

I then came up with the strategy of asking those people to go separate ways with me, and I think that's where it made me start thinking more positive. It's something relatively new to me, and it's actually worked out quite well for me in the standing of others. Basically, the ones who are more or less prone to becoming anxious about something or have to acquaint themselves with such people are not really around the people I associate with! Oh well, if they ended up deciding to delete me as a Facebook friend and block my calls and messages, then I guess I have no problems asking to go separate paths with them. In a way, for myself, it's just practicing in how to break up with a girl, so I don't see any problems with those people and I'll take it as it goes in life now.

Big Three Activities

I'm reminding myself of a simple routine to do for myself to reach my own personal goals, right before I go work in the afternoon at a business. Right after completing those three tasks for myself, I would then have time to go after more worthwhile long-term goals in mind and be able to run personal errands. I think this is a great and simple way to balance out on being a task-oriented or goal-oriented person.

The power of three makes it not to complicated and not to banal to think about completing. I mean, what if it could be done in any order; just pick your preference each morning. I think some people could possibly even do a list of top 10 activities they can't live without and maybe, drinking coffee would be one of them!

Mine is a pretty simple list and crazy at the same time. I have only three main things I must do, while keeping in check that it's always subject to change. The three things are for me right now: working out on a daily basis, learning a language, and doing some trading. I actually have a fourth one I'm trying to add in currently and that's just listening to a little bit of the New King James Bible each morning, which has been recorded by Hollywood actors and is a pretty refreshing sound that could be used like a bedtime story for me, if I wanted it to be.

Prioritizing Tasks

Something I am still struggling with is trying to complete the most favorable tasks for myself first and then maintaining that on a daily basis. Just like others, I definitely have goals in mind. I'm just breaking it down even further now and just going for the things that make sense.

I don't harbor any bad feelings for others and now understand the ridiculous humor out of a friend placing a restraining order on another friend. I also understand how incredibly funny it is for a person to get kicked out of any Christian-related church and asked to never come back by congregation members. I guess when those things happen, it's probably better to just move on and deal with how funny it is and just to continually stay positive. I also think it's funny now when any acquaintance just doesn't want to deal with your shenanigans and deletes you as a Facebook friend on purpose or ends up blocking your phone calls now.

The most important thing is to just not be negative and to preach about being positive and live in this wonderful manner. I think it's good to move on and keep an open heart to greater possibilities in the future- that's how I intend to do it.

What I'm So Used To Doing

In the current situation I am in, I am so used to just playing video games. That's right, I would just kill my time by finding some useless missions of some role-playing game to keep my mind occupied and away from all the unnecessary drama people have to deal with sometimes. In a way, it can actually be a pretty common thing I suppose; however, I'm just not that good looking as I would have liked to become.

Therefore, I just want to keep improving my body and see if I can become in even better shape than before and to keep on developing myself. I also still remember some commitments in the back of my head and I'm like putting them aside always while trying to go after something I want to do. I think there are really good things to stress out over and something nice to be able to withstand while just not being very sure of things sometimes.

No matter what things throw you off in the beginning, I think the more important thing to do is to just climb back up to the top again. It's to pretty much aim to be more better than before. What I notice is this, when others start wrongly accusing you of things that aren't really there but they tap your guilty conscience and then you end up doing something wrong, then you end up in a situation that becomes very hard to climb out of. The effects only start multiplying and make things get even more worse. I must surely be fortunate because I finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel.

Not That Good With People I Guess

I guess it's normal to develop issues with people. What I had going was a definite misunderstanding and something I had a little trouble learning to take very lightly. Sometimes, the imaginations of others stressing out so much becomes so brutal in that they end up taking measures and doing stuff to try to make you look bad. I think overall, I'm not really that attractive of a person then and I think there's probably reasons why things happen in this world.

All I can really do is just be diligent to the best of my ability and try to be successful in this world. People are just going to come and go, and I'm really seen upon as no different to most people. However, some see me as this strange and annoying person who doesn't know when to stop trying. I think in life trials are meant to occur in which the emotions get put on some type of trial and then get tested. A situation could be very unpleasant and cause you to become angry and bitter but those things do occur for mostly everyone. We are just not so privy about it with ourselves and are used to looking down on others who do become this way and then to be able to have an attractive focus of direction as our answer, like watching T.V. or hanging out with people who you don't stress out so much around.

I think I'm seriously doing my part by trying to eliminate all the negativity that I've been dealing with. It doesn't really bother me so much as it used to.

Probably Going To Be Awhile

I think from being a guy and it's noticeable that I could be seen upon as a pretty wild character, it probably scares a lot of people. I'm just one of those people who just give off some signs that make bothered people go more worse. It's just the way I am, and there's really nothing I can do about it. I also like to conceal my true successes with other people too and just be noticed as like a regular person.

I think the type of person I am is that I don't appeal to all and don't have access to everybody. It must just be a natural thing sometimes for people to just choose a certain crowd and just associate with them. All I can really say now is that I'm trying to be nice and that's just the best I can flow with and to just go from there. There are some very cool and open individuals I know and maybe, when sometimes the decision of one might seem a little negative, in some ways, it actually works out for the better in mysterious outcomes.

Simplified Again With Personal Ambitions

I'm just keeping it simple by looking to work out daily, studying a foreign language, doing my thing with trading the foreign exchange market, blogging, listening to the Bible, and then studying for a I.T. career. I've picked for my I.T. career the field of network engineering. The main reason for this is because there is so many new opportunities forming everyday and new jobs being added to it; it's so tremendous and I want to be a part of this exciting growth in this I.T. world now. For this reason alone, even though I am a trained programmer with a successful computer science undergraduate background, I want to switch over to that field now.

I think it totally makes sense with how I want to spend my personal time for developing in a no nonsense direction. I'm basically cutting out the stuff that are wasting my time and letting go of my grudges with some people who don't make sense to me. I might as well just let them go and do their thing and stay out of their way. I'm a genius with people because I figured out how to deal with them now, but I don't have the time to commit to them anymore when it's really time for me to grow as a person and become successful at something. I might as well just go separate paths with them and let this be a powerful experience for me to gain more in the favor of my direction.

Personal Dedication

I'm planning on mainly dedicating with keeping my desk clean! I'm also working at not wasting my time with thoughts that I don't have a great use for anymore. I'm working at letting go of all my grudges still by not relying on my emotions and actually being aware of them. I'm really going to have to try sooner or later without worrying so much about being let down. I think it's sort of funny to be turned down by others over some mishap that doesn't relate to them, but I guess you can treat a person to be sort of like a customer in the real world and go along with the saying that the customer is always right!

It's a work in progress for me, but what's really helping me a lot is just not relying on my emotions so much anymore and going after the sound things the Bible encourages all of us to do. A big help of keeping my life in balance comes from thinking about my ideal type, and it's a pretty neat thing because I did actually get a chance to meet her in person at a friend's party and talk to her a bit. I'm pretty glad to have discovered her for myself and that there might be a possibility of more of her type being out there. I'm basically inspired to go after the things that would be pleasing to her also by preventing myself from doing some things related to the flesh.

New Trade Setup

I have really modified my trading tools again but this time I'm using a lot of western technical indicators with some of my knowledge of candlesticks along with a decent risk-reward ratio to help me trade. It's sort of a trial and error basis and it also looks like from my trading preferences, I just prefer to trade whenever I can and just get into a swing trade. I'm basically placing in a stop loss to account for the news and all of the unpredictable things that go on in a market, along with having a pretty decent win ratio. I think I can seriously hack it this way without getting so greedy and actually accept a balance for myself  in my own trading preferences with all that I can do.

Still Staying Up To Date

Possibly in place of my difficult times of wishing to play online poker to get that itch satisfied, I think I'll just have to settle for writing one of my boring posts instead on this blog. I really like this confidentiality of my true identity that I'm actually with-holding from everyone. In other words, I must be not really into continuously putting up funny images on this site. I'm just keeping it the way it is.

My life has pretty much been about keeping up with cool things! It's pretty clear and some things really distract me. I think I should really try to get back to maintaining my own personal health even if I linger off of it, not because I feel about it but because I truly desire to obtain a very active and healthy body I can feel confident and energetic about. In other words, it would just be cool to have it and something really fun to enjoy.

Yeah, I don't look down on others with however they want to live their lives; I don't even hold grudges even though some of them test my patience every once in awhile. I'm just not even going to relying on my emotions- this is pretty much my main battle plan and has been working effectively at coming up with very cool strategies that actually make sense and work. It's also getting me to act a lot more shrewd around some people to. I guess it's overall nothing negative and just going after the cool and positive stuff in my own life, while parting ways with people who don't want to hack it with me. It sucks to lose a girl of your dreams in this manner too, but I like imagining how to please her at the moment. Anyway, I think she's not a huge Facebook fan, so it doesn't really hurt so bad neither does it make me feel she has something against me.

Investing and Saving Money

Instead of going after the quick spoils in life, I think the better thing to do is just hard work and then obtaining the riches from it. Obviously, we all have our own levels of interest and what we can handle but nonetheless, the principles still stay the same. When our lives circulate around what distresses us so much, it really causes so much distractions and headaches for others who actually care about us. I may be a selfless person from how I wish to live and how I feel excited about portraying myself with, but nonetheless what if I go overboard too and then end up losing it with some individuals?

In other words, through digression we sometimes get the impulse to go out and by a hamburger or buy a friend a ticket to an attraction, and other stuff like that. When our minds are just completely whacked out of cycle for letting something get to us so much then it causes a frenzy and makes the person do some crazy things others become displeased with. It doesn't matter whether we did good or bad, but what matters more is if the other person who is judging the situation is actually pleased with you or not. Some are just so selfless at not expressing their approval or disapproval with you and are just plain so cool!

Well, in a nutshell it's really about monitoring what you are spending on. All I really do is just go online and check my transactions and how much money I have left in my bank. I try to cut down on things I don't really find the time to use for if I did end up spending. I am also working at specializing on some times. Right now, I just want to hang out to this blog today because I'm actually a little worried about not receiving my 365 posts on time this year. I guess that's why I'm just hanging around these posts today to get as much done as possible while I'm still in the mood for blogging.

Adjusting Goals

Sometimes when we talk about our goals, we are actually hiding our true intentions. I know this because I'm accustomed to having done this all the time. From not wishing to waste my time over thoughts I don't want to commit to now and not relying on my personal feelings, I'm actually relating to those thoughts being something I can ignore and push out of my own system.

Those hidden agendas is what was really preoccupying most of my thoughts. From wishing to hold no grudges and actually not relying on my feelings so that I won't overreact, I'm now thinking more reasonably. Actually, I wasted time over imagining a very realistic scenario and outcome; I think that's how good I've become at keeping up with the hidden agenda regarding a bunch of bad people. Yet, initiating the separating of ways with them and not pursuing them in a vengeful way is actually turning out to be quite good for me. I'm also not stupid at the same time and am quite keen at surprising individuals going off-center with me.

The major perspective is turning out to be first what the Bible is encouraging us to do and secondly, what my actual type who would fall for me would be pleased with. Everything seems to be in place for me now, I just need to secure a really nice home now to be complete in this physical realm. Seriously, with my own type I want to her to be really giddy and head-over-heels swept off her feet with me while I find ways to support and please her; I am also the type who won't let go of family and stay committed to for very long and extended periods of time, from actually having an ability to look at others' perspective by overthrowing my own emotions and not grudging over them.

Living For Better Things

I think the act of blogging whatever I'm thinking about while holding nothing against anyone, it really becomes a powerful tool to just communicate about anything with anyone interested at the moment and also my own personal subconscious. In other words, it's really the act of doing something meaningful to me and isn't really wasting any time because I'm physically doing something by typing away on this keyboard and creating some casual essay about my personal life I want to adorn with excitement and satisfaction.

At the same time, I'm not relying on my own feelings to manage what I would normally see as a negative thing. Seriously, initiating the separating of ways with some people is the most ingenious thing I could have ever come up with. It's also with no grudge and having nothing against them; it's seriously something that I never really did in the past and just flowed so naturally for me, but now I'm actually willing myself to go in this direction.

Actual Physical Stuff To Work On

I've been totally discouraged to go after a funny career of being an online poker player. Basically, I had a personal arrangement where I didn't need to put in any more money and I could literally build my bankroll for free starting by gaining a quarter to a few dollars each day in under fifteen minutes. It would have been just for fun, but looks like that option is no longer available for me now. I'm highly discouraged to turn it into an actual gamble on my income, so I'm just going to let it go. I'm not going to rely on my feelings of wanting to go back to it now. I think this area of gambling wouldn't even satisfy what the Bible encourages us to do and the woman who ends up falling for me.

That being said, I will have an additional 15 to 30 minutes to do whatever I need to do for getting at my own personal goals. No more thoughts to waste my own time with, even if I know I'm a genius and solved the approach to making it work which I actually did. Seriously, it's just not worth it to me these days and it would be better to just go separate ways. I'm ready to move on to greater things now and I'm not holding any grudge on anybody. I'm just fully free now and I'm not relying on my own feelings. I will be constantly monitoring myself because this is going to be rather difficult to be keeping up with, but I think it would be pleasing to the passages found in the Bible and also my actual type I want to settle down with.

Thinking Straight

No longer am I going to waste my time of matters in my head with things that I don't want to commit to for long periods of time. I'm going to for a more pragmatic approach this time and not rely so much on my own feelings for myself. When it comes time to fall in love or something, that will become a cool matter to resolve but for now I have a big house to go fetch before I try swaying the heart of my actual type. I want to do everything in my power to make her fully satisfied and also excited about sharing a life with me. I seriously believe that she will be the most beautiful woman in the world to me and that everyone who thinks otherwise is just being crazy!

Whatever I had going that's taking too long and not promoting my current endeavors, I'm just going to numb those thoughts out now. I'll worry about it later when my emotional I.Q. deems it worthy to. For now, it's time for me to ransack my own feelings and go after nothing negative in my end. I want to live a fully satisfying and exciting life to the maximum amount possible with whatever current situation I am in. It's so much easier when there are no grudges going through your own heart, and this is where I intend to keep it without relying on my feelings. It's hard work in my focus to stay concentrated on the important matters I want to stay committed in now.

Turning People Loose

I think it's best for me to just not exhibit any negative feelings with anything that happened and to just go after what would be great for me. I'm going to just have to do my best to not give into my personal feelings when they deal with anything negative. This is something that I'm pretty aware of in that I can actually monitor my own personal feelings regarding anything in the moment I'm dealing with something.

For these last couple days, I've been imagining in my head all the possibilities that I could do and imagining things that I believe have an ability in. I'm not going to focus on things that I don't want to commit to right now and go for the ones that I seriously have the demand for now. I understand that people are people now and how I don't have a grudge for any one of them who ended up becoming negative with me. I'm not using my own feelings in this matter either.

I do believe that initiating the parting of ways with a person could really be powerful on my end and give me a reason to seek after better things in my own life. I think this has to be done by the better side to be very effective.

Going Separate Ways

I now believe that possibly with some things that don't work out, despite personal feelings of wanting to hang on to something, then maybe it's better to initiate the going of our separate ways and to just go from there. I think life is really all about struggles and getting there, even if we lack in certain traits or characteristics others are looking for.

What I should really focus on now is what I can do and with what I'm going to do in the present. I don't think I want to plan too far away with some things that are too low in personal value now. Basically, I'm holding no negative feelings at anything that's happened to me now, but I'm not stupid either. I really like this arrangement I'm making for myself now.

Not Wasting Time With Stupid Thoughts

I think stupid thoughts are pretty much the way you think and then get nothing accomplished from it. In other words, it's pretty much thinking about something and then not putting it into any form action related to it. I believe this is a form of wasting time. Obviously, there are preferences in the way we have with thinking. For instance, sometimes it's just addicting and flavorful to check up on which actors are in a movie and to read up a little on their interests with the development of the movie they are starring in.

However, some thoughts are greater than others and so we all have a value system with which thoughts should be given greater preference than others. Definitely, focusing on just being random with negative movements and actions is really losing. I know this and I think I can limit myself to doing positive things most of the time, if I can't do it all the time. I think the key is to pretty much not use any emotions.

Sometimes the things we perceive to be true really don't cut it because it was from having been really emotional or holding a grudge on something. It's pretty funny how some people do this to me now, and I'm not going to get all angry really sudden now if I can't understand what they are doing or being a certain way to make me feel so bugged. I'm not going to give in to these negative feelings because the way I see it now, it's losing and wasting time with stupid thoughts.

It Doesn't Matter What I Am

To some people, it doesn't even matter that I think I'm a nobody. It doesn't matter that I always want to humble and thinking righteously. I'm always going to try to put up the good fight and keep on racing to the end. I'm now pulling the plugs on some indecent things no matter how addicted or distant I feel from it because I actually believe in God that I want to please and also have a type I like in a female and I want to please her too.

I am trying to make time for everything now that is important, but I've been stuck on things that aren't that important. I need to do this more for myself now and because I just want to. My mind used to be in a different place and I used to set things on overdrive, but now I'm not really like that with a mind of my own and some people are just not taking it too well with me.

I'm going to live a blameless life to the best of my ability. I think the solution is really to not have a grudge with anything and to settle things down with some people by just initiating a parting of ways, despite my true intentions of staying friends. I think it's better for me to do this just to be the better man now. Anything that I see or hear, I won't give into my anger but go after showing love. Basically, what's been working pretty well for me is not relying on my personal feelings and then working at resolving the situation with the best solution and then not having any negative reaction from it. It's pretty much losing in anything when a person shows any form of negativity in a conversation and this is something that I finally figured out. I'm not going to use my emotions at all and go for what I want and then go for the best solution of moving on. It's pretty much just apologizing to the person and asking them to part ways and go separate ways despite my intentions of trying to become friends with them again. I think that's pretty much what I'm going to be doing a lot for awhile with some people. So far, they haven't given me the sign of wanting to truly move on with me; I think they still want to hang on to a part of me, since I asked them in this unique fashion. Yeah, I'm absolutely different in a good way and I intend to keep it that way.

Fighting Off Grudges

There are big or little things people can do to get us angry, sad, or upset. As long as we don't let those things get to us and put in our effort to not use our unreliable feelings in those areas and work hard in areas we could be more productive then I think it's okay to engage in a conversation with a person who would normally upset you.

I think what I'm saying is to basically be in the act of moving on by not holding any grudges and fighting it off on the inside and to let go of any insecurity. Wow, now that I think of it, my little sister and some people I've associated with are really in a mess with their hearts. They really did it to themselves more than what I really did to bother them as a person.

I think the general guideline is to look up on some definition of words like the word grudge because some people will place a different meaning onto it. By having a dictionary at our use, we actually have something that could be our standard. What I get from the word grudge in the dictionary is pretty much making a negative reaction towards something in a nutshell. I am going to eliminate all of those negative emotions directed at that person now and not even flirt around with it and just go from there. So pretty much, the opposite of not having a grudge would pretty much be always showing love! That's it, I finally have it and all this time I was struggling with my own insecurities. I guess I'm meant to be an exception to a crowd in this world.

One Small Detail

I'm realizing that one small detailed action can have a significant impact. What I have as my muse is the cleaning activity I have gone through. By cleaning up a mess on my computer desk by just picking a book, I realize a significant difference from a physical and emotional perspective. For some reason, the mind feels more lighter and free from an additional distraction.

Likewise, now I realize a truly small detail dealing with others that could have a very big impact with my future relations. My personal detail is that I have no issues dealing with anyone whatsoever because no matter what happens, I don't have any problems with working it out and communicating about the issue. What others may have been hiding is that they want to selfishly move on while they know they have nothing against me. It doesn't get me mad even though my flesh tells me to become super angry at them. I'm not relying on my feelings anymore because I actually don't mind being rejected now. Perhaps, those people are just not that great of individuals as I hoped they would become but no matter, I can still pursue after plenty of great people in my lifetime who are just genuinely nice and easy to get along with even through the storms that come our way in life.

Basically, with this small detail that I now carry, I wish to not be reliant on my personal feelings and go about doing a little act that I know could potentially make a huge difference in another life. I believe that I would just be doing my little part that goes unnoticed in the world but would truly make an individual impact.

Question I Want To Always Ask

If I ever manage to go out with any more girls now in the future, I want to ask her if she cares about my height and how she feels about it. I guess I need the confirmation that she won't feel so insecure about it and from there, I can move forward and do my thing with her if you know what I mean! I've been so shy to ask a few girls, but I had no problems asking the ugly girl I dated. Her answer was that she had no problems and no regrets about it; I seriously wonder why. She basically said that it's about the man being able to hold his stature and status really well and didn't matter what he looked like on the outside. I think it's cool that she's a pretty humble person even though she has made claims about how great looking and nice she is with me while we were dating. It was almost like a form of marketing and then she revealed her true intentions of wanting to become romantic with me!

Okay, it was a little too much for me with this girl I dated. I sort of fell out with her because she didn't want to go exercise with me; her excuse was that she had an ankle problem and man, she was walking pretty badly too with a limp. It was not the most graceful sight I've ever laid eyes on, but when she revealed her health issues with me, even though she was doing her part with trying to stay healthy, I felt like it would hold me back. I think this is where I figured out that I don't care about a woman's appearance if we get along but I want to be pretty physically active with her in doing outdoor activities, so I couldn't stay with her unfortunately, and it just turned into not responding back to her calls of a one night stand with me!

Reorganizing My Life Around

Over the last years, I was pretty much wallowing over making a mistake that haunted me. I've been a hit and miss type of person, and it suddenly dawned on me that I let go of some pretty good opportunities. Now, I see a larger room of opportunities from having moved on from those negative feelings. I do feel short and feel regretful from being 5' 3". It's short, even though I've seen shorter people be more successful than me and it's not just limited to other girls, there are guys shorter than me who have actually done pretty well for themselves. One guy who comes to my mind is J.P. Morgan- he was a meager 5' 1" Caucasian! Now I think being white and short is a lot more difficult to cope with than being Asian and where I'm at in how I can seriously scare a whole church congregation into calling the cops on me, while they have nothing against me too!

My writer's block was like this depressing thought of how short I am and how I can't get out of this predicament even though I was hit on by some girls at the time from being pretty good looking still. It was depressing with the thought of being short even though I wrestled with taller males and made them cry when I was a boy. It was so depressing that I was still sad when I grew taller than my mom and my little sister ended up staying super short when she fully grew up.

Oh well, it's a part of me that makes me feel always sad but I'm not relying on those feelings anymore and not letting it affect me from how I live my life now. I've dated a pretty ugly but taller taller female. I've also gone out with a rare good looking girl whose taller than me too. I've even exchanged numbers with girls who stood about my height and just a little taller than me. I don't know why I still have this height complex but I seriously don't show it when others mock my height just for fun. I'm sort of not minding the short jokes with me so much now and I'm also looking pretty stable underneath more. I don't have a problem with being a giving person, so that might be my main reason why I might not have a serious inferiority complex.

Finishing Up A Task

I have so much expenditures I've accumulated over the years and have never used up! It's just piles and piles of office supplies and other miscellaneous hobbies of mine. For some cool reason, I felt that cleaning up my room and removing all those time consuming projects I never really find from my view would give me a better advantage at specializing in an area I want to get myself into.

While cleaning up, my floor was so messy and my mom was telling me that I have so much work cut out for me in cleaning up my room. It took several days for me to fix it. I still have minor errands that I want to run and can't really find myself giving into them because this major cleaning activity is getting me so obsessed into finishing it. Actually, I'm not even finished yet because I only have major part of it done.

I now honestly want to always see a clean desk in my view, instead of all these messy papers and books piled around me. I want to make it so neat and orderly now. This is what I'm setting myself up to. I want to have room to not distract myself over my own garbage and consume my passions. Honestly, I've done plenty of giving into my personal passions over the years while ignoring my messiness, but this time I want to develop a professional side within myself.

Resolving Annoying Pattern

I have this personality where if I start something then I won't finish it and start another project. Over the years, it has piled up with a lot of cool books and notes but no monetary profit from it. It sort of bugs me now, so I'm doing my best to stay focused in finishing some of the tasks I have for myself.

The good things I've been a little more recent at staying fixed on is basically working out daily and arriving at work on time. On the contrary with people issues, I don't really have any; it's just that some people are lesser equipped at being good people than others. I've always wanted acceptance from everyone, even those unfortunate ones who can't handle my antics very well!

I'm starting to resolve those people's issues with me by not relying on my feelings and just moving on. I've been practically wasting my time over messaging some girls, and I've done a fine job at it because they actually acknowledge it well while they are in an aggravated state. I left this one girl a message on the phone; I asked a friend to ask her if she wanted me to stop texting and leaving messages on her phone. She only said to stop texting her. I guess I'm better with my voice of reason than I am while asking silly questions with her like if I'm scaring her because she wants to be left alone. I just think she feels a lot more embarrassed about herself and wants to forget about the incident and just move on but wants to do it in a selfish manner. She isn't the most prettiest and nicest person out there because I've found someone already whose worth pursuing and so much more better than all the girls I've ever tried to get with or went out with. I just like pretending what type of person I would want to be in order to please her and put that into action for myself. Overall, she's just my true type and also a Facebook friend I've interacted with a few times and yeah, she's pretty nice too.  

Way I'm Spending Time

I have a really good buddy even though he's only Catholic and hasn't been very bright with his academic studies. He does come up with some brilliant remarks every once in awhile and can be very entertaining and charming, but he always tells me that he can't find a resolution while meeting somewhere in the middle. He has annoyed me a little about his indecisiveness but now I'm starting to not mind it being part of his personality, and if he's able to change a little into becoming a more decisive and strong adult, then I won't mind it that much too.

I've realized over all these years that I'm really about finding acceptance in everybody I've met. It's been hard for me to discover that some people are just not equipped enough to provide me with this type of leisure. I'm starting to fall out from those funky individuals now and more about chasing after appealing people that suit my types of needs now. I really like nice people and always love being around them; it's not so I can take advantage of them either but because it just feels so civilized and opportunistic to go out and do fun stuff with them.

No Use Writing Things Down

I'm finding that writing my goals down isn't really helping much, especially because I'm not really willing myself to go in that direction. I think it's really all underneath me and just need to pull through by letting go of my personal feelings that get in the way as my distractions. For some matters, it is what it is and if it isn't illegal then might as well just suck it up!

Some things are really going to require a lot of precision and care. Everything isn't going to work out all the time to reach an ultimate good thing, but at least it can be turned into a discipline so that the wins that occur in life would overlap the losses and bring forth all the good rewards!

What I Think Can Bring Me Money

I seriously believe now that maybe playing poker might be a decent way to make a little extra cash but of course with the risks that are involved. Along with other risks, I think managing my own web site and trading stocks could also bring me a little income eventually too. I also believe that learning a foreign language that I could master would be profitable too.

Perhaps, going after where I feel my passions would belong to, I think that's where I seriously need to be headed now. It's time for to just do it without much thought about my feelings into it. I'm just going to go after it; I don't really know of those things to be illegal and others being arrested over it. Might as well just get used to the fact that there will be good and bad days but as long as I can remain focused and disciplined, I can come up with a great strategy eventually that will pay off! I wish to go about things in a more comely manner now and that's pretty much where I will see myself taking off to now.

Not Relying On Emotions

I truly believe that God in the Holy Bible is an awesome, loving, and true God who has made Himself known to us. While looking for actually physical evidence, what really gets me is from examining the legitimacy of the prophecies. For personal reasons, it actually fills a void in my life.

Therefore, my direction isn't really about just looking at feelings and having them satisfied. It's really about doing things in a manner that is actually logical. For ethical matters and questions of my purpose in life, I'll just look to the good Lord in the Bible for answers and take it all in with good faith. If I am set on something and don't really know of it to be illegal at the moment no matter how much questionable the action might be, then might as well block out all the feelings that go with it and just do it!

I wish to go about in a more comely and logical manner this time; in order to do so, I will need to abandon my unreliable emotions this time around.

Doing Things You Love Doing

It's starting to turn out that I really enjoy taking a little time out of the day to read up on a few highlight stories coming from the media. I'm also enjoying this ability to just blog anything I want to within my heart's desire and willingness to stay appropriate. I guess the thing is that I'm a guy that really stays in pursuit with these matters and really love wasting time over. I just love the feelings that come out of it and dealing with something that's very stressful and annoying in the beginning. I'm just starting to think that the obnoxious people I'm dealing with are actually communicating with me because they are saying something to me.

Oh, it's starting to make a little sense for me now and I see that I really enjoy these types of situations and interactions for myself. I also need to focus on my personal life a little by working hard on earning a living with something I really want to do. It's actually more or less getting there for me now. I don't feel a chip on my shoulder or anything burdensome with the things I really like doing now. I just need to be more careful on some things.

Actually Communicating

I'm really loving the whole conversation with another person in how I didn't do anything wrong and got on his or her nerves! Well, the thing is they are communicating back with me and for the longest time I wasn't interested in playing games with them but only interested in getting along with them. I guess it's where it finally hits me that we're talking to each other, no matter how inappropriate it seems as long as words are being exchanged, it's still communicating.

I just love the stress I'm getting out of dealing with someone being obnoxious with me. I really enjoy just exchanging words back at them, however funny or burdensome it feels for me. The only thing I will never do though is make anything that's directly threatening them. I'm glad I was finally able to prove to my little sister that I was never really harassing her. I pretty much used a current story in the media to relate to our relationship, and I think my little sister didn't want to take it very well but she might sooner or later have no choice! This is so wonderful for me to work on and to even have a very annoying sister who responds like that to me, when I bring up a topic she's totally not into discussing about. I just love finding a way to a happy solution and also wasting time on these matters. It's so fun to me, but the one thing that will keep me pursuing someone is if he or she behaves a certain manner that affects other people. In this case, I'll just move on.

Acting While Disconcerted

I'm getting these restless feelings to just go out and do something; yet, I feel highly unmotivated sometimes and just want to sit there and do nothing. I guess that's why it's called putting a lot of personal effort to become successful. Sometimes, the feelings are not going to be in a right accord with the mind; therefore, the heart is going to need to will the body and mind forward.

What I'm going to do now is just to do the best as I can and not repeat the same mistakes again. I'm going to self-assess a situation that I think is good and then leave it behind if it's not what I really had in mind of doing. This is one of the hardest things for me to do, which is letting go of something I put a lot of thought and effort into hoping would work out.

It's time to use the big picture for me and to let that pretty much be the instantaneous and defining moments of my life. I desire so much to be able to keep pushing through even when I'm very sleepy and to have the ability to keep on learning and putting in a great effort to take advantage of a successful opportunity.

Just Considering Who

There are a lot of good ideas popping out of my head, and there's only so much time that we all have during the day. I think the best plan for me is to prepare myself just in case it's time for me to jump into a relationship. What I'm really going to need to do is just put in a little effort to go out there more and understand my own personal reasons and the needs of others while I'm just constantly learning while being rejected by countless girls. I think I should try asking out the women I think are really more worthwhile to me in getting to know. However, it looks like of all my life, I haven't really found anyone perfectly suited for me.

I guess being appealed to a girl's pretty appearance really threw me off for awhile, but now with a little bit bigger mind, it doesn't really get to me that much anymore. I guess a lady who hasn't really had that big of a crazy or weird past, while being absolutely healthy with hardly any health issues while having a personality that I can really enjoy being around and be attracted to would be the type of girl I want to fall in love with.

Other than that, I am down to hang out with just about any girl I meet; I don't care about judging someone's appearance but going out with someone pretty is sort of a confidence booster for me, to be honest! I want to seriously try to go after a girl who appeals to me and not really mind if she ends up rejecting me.

Laying Insecurities Aside

From my experience of having brought in the A's and achieving some physical moment that I feel good about like losing a lot of weight, it's really been about toughing it out during the indiscernible moments of indecision and insecurities. If I pulled through those times, then what I was struggling to become started to feel more like second nature.

I'm pretty much saying that no matter what's going on the inside and no matter how it feels like things are dragging you down, you really have to just stay consistent with what you're working at in order to achieve the good prize you have been longing to get. Of course, it's easy to become really immature all of a sudden and then start feeling really impatient and impulsive about getting somewhere and then ending up all over the place.

I think it's really all about focusing on the more important things first and accepting where your shortcomings are and then doing the best you can to overcome those obstacles.

Sweet Revelations

I'm not currently fully focused on this blog right now because I'm listening to a track right now. Essentially, I'm trying to write while setting it on auto-pilot and listening to something at the same time. This is after all my own free time. I've finally learned and came to accept that I've done nothing wrong to a weird and crazy group that I've been revisiting over and over again. However, I can't really do anything about it because the majority of them no longer occupy the place they were at. In other words, I can't really reach them to settle things down with them anymore. Oh well, you win some and lose some.

I'm understanding how I could develop some persuasive and communication skills with these people. I was frustrated a great deal from not understanding how to resolve the problem. I took it upon myself to become a solution-orientated person; what I believe to be an ideal solution is where both sides become happy! I'm a very finicky and demanding person when it comes to the realm of feelings. For the longest time, I felt diffident from feeling that I wronged this crazy group but now, I realize that I didn't anything wrong to them. If I did something really wrong, then the law would have got involved by now and I never broke any law; despite their attempts to get me in trouble with police, I never went to jail. With their assertions, they are wrong about the whole thing; it's just their own preferences of desiring to feel insecure and something being problematic, while there really isn't any problem to begin with. Therefore, with me trying to bring it into their attention, I'm not really doing anything wrong.

No matter what others tell me now, I know the situation more than anyone now and how I didn't do anything wrong. I was just afraid of lashing out at these people and feeling bad about it because that's what I have traditionally done. However, my involvement with them initially wasn't really problematic at the beginning; they can't really confirm it with concrete evidence and are only going based off of hearsay. Basically, with the crazy people who already left, I can't do anything about it and hope they turn it around mentally eventually even if it's a lost cause now; it's beyond my power to change their insanity now.

No one really cares about them ideally in the sense of the big picture. The law isn't going to change for them and because of what they thought and how the majority really acts, they were just being crazy and abnormal with me. No one really cares about how crazy they were being too or that's how it really seems now. I'm ready to move on and I'm no longer bothered by those people who left but with the ones, who still occupy the location, I think I can improve my persuasive and communication skills with them until they also decide to run away from me. I now am fully confident with everything I am doing, I am not doing anything wrong and they are just bringing up false and misleading judgments about me.

The challenge I made to them to prove they were crazy is very ballsy. I told them if I'm doing anything wrong so much to the point they can't handle it and think I'm doing wrong, then have them send me to authority; otherwise, they are just being crazy with me the way they just are at the moment. Since nothing bad happened to me, they are totally being stupid and crazy with me. Also, it shows that the world in the big picture doesn't really care for them and that they want to be stuck in their comfort zone without expanding it.

Appreciating Discipline

I'm starting to see how the little effort I put into something will seriously make a helpful impact, such as brushing and flossing my teeth on a daily basis. It only takes a few minutes each day while I'm practically 3/4 asleep after coming home from work at night. I work the 2nd shift from about 2 to 11 pm; the days feel like it drags sometimes because the work isn't really what I have in mind of doing for the rest of my life but I really just want to learn a lot and help out. I can't complain because it brings in a paycheck and my work ethic of being on-time has become very strong!

The discipline of doing something everyday I have set my mind to doing is basically building upon myself, even though it becomes a little uncomfortable sometimes. I'm starting to not feel so sheepish anymore from doing the stuff I really enjoy doing. I just need to keep a strong impression on myself and to stay committed. I guess I want to be committed to a lot of things and sometimes, I have been just sitting there watching T.V. It's a little better these days from playing my piano and working out on a daily basis, but I want to keep adding on and improving onto things now.

Getting Very Quiet Responses

I think I have some really good buddies who are guys and maybe just one girl. It's actually pretty cool. I don't know what I'm really fretting about lately but the things that are going on my head are actually a little abnormal! Wow, I think I'm really putting up a pretty egotistical blog and maybe, I was never really aware of it all this time. I don't even attract any actual normal responses from anyone. I'm just not anyone special whose just doing his own thing.

This is how I feel I really am in this world. I am leading a life that is very different from what normally attracts people. I don't really get in anyone's way, but there was a weird group who tried to get in my way for not liking something about me and then absolutely trying to make me feel bad while going on trying to live their own happy lives. Consequently, I guess with the way things have been for them; they practically don't hang together anymore. In a way, I am convinced now that I did absolutely nothing wrong to them; neither did I really annoy them. It's because they were just being crazy.

Not Caring About Rejection

Okay, I'm starting to get used to those mushy feelings one would get at the fear of being rejected. I can take the pain and know that if the girl of my liking doesn't want to be with me then I'm not going to hold it against her no matter how much I love her. I guess when one is truly in love then he or she would want the other person to be happy; otherwise, maybe it was love based on conditional factors.

One of my friends felt betrayed and had his heart-broken when a girl he liked initiated a relationship with him but then decided to go to another man later. If it were to happen to me then no matter how hurt I was, I would do my best to get over it and not keep me from staying positive. Actually, I prefer trying to date women who would be very upfront about what they don't like about me before they tried to end the relationship. That's pretty much the best way I can think of to learn about what type of person I really am.

Being Committed To Right Places

I think it makes a lot of sense to be committed to something a person likes doing. It's really rough sometimes when the timing just isn't right or if the person just isn't that good at it. I guess I wasn't really born with any superb talent, neither am I fully capable of being God. I think it's just better for me to start thinking about my actions and committing to them before things are too late. Instead of delaying, I should just get right into what I'm setting out to do and accept the consequences even if it's not the best thing for me.

I want to flow with movement and do everything very smoothly as possible. I guess I'm going to have to rely a little bit on natural emotions now and go from there. Let's see where I go from there now.

Finding What You Love To Do

Repeating some actions are starting to get really old. I don't really want to give into them anymore. I would rather spend my time doing something else now. Possibly surely by playing a number's game, things might actually pan out really well in the end. Through diligence and putting in a lot of effort, I think those are the things that matter so much more.

What I'm really grateful for is having found a very simple answer from a good person. It's what I really needed, and I don't know how that person was able to reach down into my heart and impart some good words to me. I guess it's by fate that God might have allowed or something with us having similar personalities and outlook. What she reminded me is that I should be looking for a solution instead of focusing on the problem. I really like that mindset and that's how I'm really going to go after living my life, so I can move forward.

Going After Opportunities That Make Sense

I believe that I will have the most passion in a job that will let me get my feet wet with the medical field. I'm not saying I want to become a nurse, but I would prefer becoming a physician's assistant. Time is ticking, so I'm going to have start attempting to jump on the band wagon as much as possible now. Another thing that I believe I can work a pretty decent level of professional talent is the I.T. industry. Right now, I think the best opportunity to train myself in is really in the network engineering category. I do prefer programming, but I'm not motivated enough to stick with my own personal ideas on what I should program. I think I can guarantee myself some interviews for a networking consultant job, so might as well go for that direction because more interviews and practice of gaining knowledge in the field will increase the chances of obtaining a job!

What I have as a last resort is pretty much a grinder's job, but it works. I could drive a freight truck around the nation because I have a license for it already from a leading company in the industry with the experience to pass an on-the-road test! Man, it feels good. Because I'm in the family business these days at another company, it's a little bit easier on the home time. I will definitely see a boost in my income on auto-pilot if I could pull off learning another foreign language, so I'm going to make the effort for that and who knows, I might meet someone special there too.

The principles I'm going to stick to is pretty simple. I'm going to concentrate on the stuff that makes sense for me and leave out the excess that's taking away my time especially for making a living- I'm not going to be an online gambler in other words anymore; what I hate about it, is having to spend the time grinding it out and having to deal with the stress of losing large sums of money. If I'm going to waste my money, then might as well be for attempting to find leisure like a dating site or something. My preference for investing on the side is really going to be for stuff that I could just set up and let it do the work for me; I'm going to not mind the hard work I put into it to reach that state of professionalism now. I have enough money to burn supposedly now with the offerings that are out there! No refund after a trial means no go to me now, and I don't care about breaking those hearts who want to help me so badly in getting success now.

Basically, with my time the stuff I'm going after for a living is network engineering in the I.T. field and to become a physician's assistant with added bonuses like learning another foreign language. For a side business, I'm going for low maintenance of a business website and commercial ads I put up while doing very little at investing in stocks, but right now I'm just specialized in currency trading. Yes, I am all over the place and can't help myself. I think the reason for a system that works on its own is the reason why I love programming software so much too.

Using Hard Work Properly

Right now with the situation I am and being considerably a young adult, I'm getting feelings of wanting to settle down with a good person. I have a lot that I need to still work on with myself, but it feels like all I really have to do is just flip the switch and keep it left on. My anxiety and panic attacks really kept me from excelling at anything, but I had the brains and determination to slide by a few corners and still manage to do enough to get by.

I notice that when I least expect it in certain places, I get these opportunities that I tend to overlook. Like there was this beautiful girl who came into my life, okay, it probably happened about four times already but I sort of turned them all down because I had too much anxiety within myself. I don't know what it is but sometimes from being so anti-social for awhile and then trying to work at becoming social again without offending anyone will turn on some females I guess. Maybe, I'm just not cut out yet to be married but I did start casual dating which isn't really anything but just strangers hanging out with each other and spilling whatever needs to be said. I've met some pretty weird females that way, but yeah, they were nice enough to tell me their life stories and answer a few personal questions without feeling offended which is what I liked a lot!

Avoiding Wasting Time

I think everybody needs to have something they could work on consistently and be very passionate about. This activity should also be able to provide for a family and be ethically legal. I'm talking about a job where a person could wake up and feel passionate about doing every day and have no problems with. I understand that most people have setbacks and won't be lucky enough to get to that position right away. This is why I believe that most of us start out roughnecking with any position we could get our hands and feet wet on.

With my parents emphasizing me not to work at all and just focus on studies and to tell me that I don't need real world experience while studying at a well-recognized school was not really the best advice I could get. I really regret listening to some of my parent's advice because I thought they really knew best. They are also weird at times and act like they can't get along with each other while behaving like little kids. Yet, they manage to turn into adults and stay together still. I am naturally ticked off thinking about how my mom was bossing me around because her advice didn't naturally increase my own welfare. I just have this tendency to submit to others' will without caring for my own future sometimes, and I think that's what leads to my downfall with them. Not like it had to matter so much because the bigger picture is what we were refusing to see all this time.

I think I'm born to fight for a position in being a leader of some people's lives who want to influence me in their own right image. This would mean that I have to really up my game by actually investing my time in figuring out things that actually do make sense and benefit mostly everyone.

Personal Earnings Theory

This is pretty much how I'm thinking of functioning. For a business model, I like what's called a set and go model. I'm not really a finicky type person and don't really want to hang around while watching profits soar into my account. I would rather let the system of my choosing do the work for me while I go off on doing something else. I guess this is what I could call my side business. Reaching this set and go model which is pretty much earning money on auto-pilot is sort of like putting in twenty years of hard work and then living off a decent pension. What I have been missing all this time is discerning where I should put my money into. I'm now giving myself into a little trial and error just like everybody else interested does.

Having no full time job back then made it so difficult because my mind was not very stable and comfortable about doing some risky side businesses. It was very hard for me to even keep myself motivated. I'm passed all of that now and at least exceeding end's meet by a little with where I'm at. I'm still not satisfied with myself though, so I'm going after putting in the work needed to reap the auto-pilot rewards. I guess that would make sense then for a normal person.

Not Very Well Recognized

I think the whole restraining order thing got me some notoriety or something. I am about getting along with people, so now that I see it, I'm actually okay being a person in their life who comes around and makes everybody else laugh at the person. No, I'm serious about not giving into my own anger problems and letting those feelings go.

Still, I have friends I can go to. I also have the liberty to search and join new clubs. With the exception of a one crazy group of friends I should have taken notice of right away, I have usually fared okay around people. The reason why I fell out is because I didn't commit myself to getting along with others back then. I was just fed up and tired of myself and exhausted from not being able to develop myself in a manner that I wanted. It was really just all about me back then.

I don't know how I transformed into a normal person again, but definitely, I'm a little wiser than before in my decisions. I still make tiny mistakes with myself over and over again, but I'm discovering where my potential lies hold at.

Message For Unintelligent Facebook Friends

I wrote this message to a girl I supposedly like as a friend. I'm just getting my point across now because even though I get angry and sensitive, my heart is about getting along with people so that overrides everything. This is my message I sent to her while posing as a female. I don't know, I can create multiple Facebook accounts, but I opted to have a cute female for my profile just to mess around. The message is as follows:

Hey, I know you are rooming with someone. I know that you are going to show this message to some people. I don't know who, but judging you, you are going to do that, so if I'm predicting right about your behavior, then it means I know you in an okay manner. It's only taking me a minute to write this and five minutes to check for proper grammar. You have me blocked on Facebook so might as well joke around until you get scared for the smallest reasons because you probably will become obnoxious like that. With me calling you and asking you out, talking to you, or trying to do something like take pictures with you and telling you how I thought Washington was being a dog and an idiot doesn't mean I hate you and want to hurt you. It's quite the opposite.

Man, you are not so bright with your ADHD which you said and man, you stress out so much sometimes. You are a girl and quite annoying to me like the way you are right now, but I'm about getting along with everybody so those bad feelings I have, I don't give into them. This is how I know I'm pretty above average in the part of getting along with people. I am better than you in that I have removed 0 friends and blocked 0 friends who I have on my Facebook list of friends. You have at least probably blocked out a dozen. You have with me, so that means I can confirm I'm better than you by at least one. With the thought of getting along with you, you aren't the worst of the bunch and in fact, I like you as a friend so hope to cross paths with you someday. Maybe, I'll be recording your obnoxious responses with me and put it up on YouTube or something so everyone else can coach themselves how to handle crazy girls, even though you don't think you are being crazy at the moment. Who knows?

Truth About My Restraining Order From A Friend

Wanted to just fit in. I got mad because he was talking trash in a bitter voice about people in general. Wanted to still fit in, so I stayed quiet. He told me I was cool. He gave me a good job that was really stressful. I was being yelled at by people I called. I was in a bad mood. I was there for awhile; he made fun of my work performance. I proved him wrong; he got a bonus for having referred me after six months. I went to church with another good friend. He's a good friend but not super slick with the right girl yet.  

The friend at work told me he didn't want drama at the church. I didn't understand him- what drama? I kept doing my thing; he complained again about drama at the church. I became angry and wrote him off on a new blog but made him still look good. I covered my anger by making him look good. He kept on saying drama at the church and getting more worse. I was always like what drama? I wrote to the people at the church, only about five nice people at the time. He said that it was all over and to stop talking to him. I was like what's going on? 

Next thing the other good friend became a mediator. The good friend told me the friend at work was calming down. I made a mistake, I called him and left a bad message. The friend at work started losing it and said everything was ironic about me. I acted like nothing happened and everything would go away. He gave me a great job. Everything I do, I will make him look good. That's what I do for people who helped me out, I do the best for them. 

The good friend who was mediator chose my side more. It made the friend at work very angry. The friend at work said he was no longer friends with my good friend. I became very angry, a 10 out of 10. Nobody is supposed to dump another friend because of hating me. I drove to his house, the roommate's girlfriend brought him out. He came out with tears on his face. I gave a dirty look to him; he turned around and went back to his room. I just stood there and was like what? He came back out again with the phone on his ear; I was like big deal. He slowly walked back to his room and then I chased after him. He sped up, went to his room, and then locked his door. I was like dang it! I yelled and said "Don't ever talk about me again!" He didn't listen. Roommate was laughing and going like what's going on? I left the house.

Few days later, cop shows up and hands restraining order to me. I was so sad, felt so guilty, was like I did something wrong. I felt the worst like I made a horrible mistake. I knew I would beat him in court, but I didn't want to win. He gave me a job; I had to make him look good. I wanted to fit in with everybody. I was like let him do whatever he wants. I believed he would stop the restraining order; he didn't and went on laughing with his business. I was crushed and devastated. 

On the day, it officially started, I bought him a nice gift and card and put it on his desk. He was smiling at me. He looked at the message- it was a bad message. His face turned sour. He came running to my cubicle and slammed the gift onto the desk. He said in a loud and agitated voice, "Keep everything work-related!" That's all the court order said, "Keep it work-related." 

He had to work with me one day. In my head, I was like no way, I can't talk to you and go away. He left messages saying pretty please and to do something for him. I was like no in my head! I finally sent him an e-mail and said be careful what pops out of the file. He got scared and couldn't work for a long time. He sent the e-mail to the manager. The manager said "Keep everything work-related!" I was like "Yes sir! Yes sir!" the whole time. The friend at work left one day; I felt bad after three more months. I had a friend who gave me a job. I had to make him look good. I had failed so bad. I was very depressed. My excuse to leave work was to continue education. 

Marching Forward

I'm going to try to stop crashing at the couch. It's starting to feel silly waking up while having felt unconscious and forgetting what I was doing right after coming back home. I'm noticing that I'm wasting a good three hours of time watching T.V. when I could be spending that time on doing something even more rigorous and challenging and to let my brain be tested by doing boring and lonely activities.

It's really hard for me to change in this area of not being lazy and becoming fully motivated to do something I perceive to be good but boring. When I'm home, I just feel tired and not in the mood anymore. It seems like my personal nature is holding me back and I just need to make the constant strive. My strive is that it's really bumpy and I think some people probably feel it in other ways I don't know how and then end up not really wanting to be a friend. Honestly, I think they are just being a pest without them even knowing what's bothering them. I'm going to have to constantly make improvements with myself and stay on a consistent path. I don't see it a problem in that I want to still get along with everyone now and will use my anger of seeing something wrong to my advantage now. I'm going to bust it out now because it makes me put my best foot forward.