I realize afterwards that I made a stupid decision that affects me only all the time! I want to no longer be a single and middle-class working, young man. I want to be a married man to the most beautiful woman on the planet! I've been getting short-sighted all the time and allowing my own personal emotions to defeat me on a daily basis. I know that I'm losing out because my brain is just that smart for allowing my heart to notice.
It's from actually caring about spending a lot of time isolated from others and also having to put in so many boring hours to get to a place that I am not even certain of. I don't have any loyal direction that I can ensure myself with actual positive measures yet.
When I'm in the mood for something, it's very difficult for me to not give into it. I think when I hear sirens from an ambulance near my workplace, I get that scared feeling of how I shouldn't be breaking the law. It works really well for me and then I use my crafty brain to try to get around the system and do my thing! I've even succeeded and have a wild story or two to just keep to myself. I'm not much of a show-off when it comes to doing questionable deeds in a moral sense. I'm even too bored and lame to go commit anything bad that would violate others' rights. I might have motivation from being angry, but I know that the next stage for me would be depression. In a way, I think everyone would rather prefer being angry than depressed. Being depressed in this world really sucks!
Trying to focus my mind to go to work and forcing myself to eat up hours for earning pay is pretty depressing. There's nothing I can do about, but I do what I have to do. If I'm already depressed from being bored with my job sometimes, then maybe I can seriously cope with larger issues in life that would bring me down. Also, from having a willful mind I could just cope with the depressing issues.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
