What I notice for myself is two main ingredients: drive and skill. For the drive, you need to have the willpower to keep on plowing through when things feel really bleak and grim. Often times, it's so easy to just doubt yourself on going some path that interests you so much and become bored of it. I think it's easy to just feel bummed out after going after something that you tried so hard for and then developing this vicious cycle of not expecting much out of it the next time. Therefore, you just don't keep on giving it all you got.
My best friend's brother has had this conquest of going around to touch women in a carnal manner. Family members are actually aggravated by his stupidity and also feel sad for him at the same time. It was just one selfish act at a very young age that led to his brain's demise. This act also has played a role in turning my best friend into a concerned type, which leads him to bail out in certain situations. The best friend has given himself a green light in the past, but hated those experiences, so he's never going to be convinced with doing something, but I believe God can turn it around. Nothing can surpass God, if He is in with changing your life for His glory.
Anyhow, the brother has never given up and kept on going. It turned into some sort of obsession for him, and he basically shows off about it with us. I've been telling him recently after five years of listening to his nonsense that he's the one who is doing the action and not the women giving him the action that he craves. He doesn't really show off so much about it anymore because it's just so much of a witty comment that rips his heart in two. You just have to outsmart him by saying something more wittier and that is something I'm pretty good at, if you give me like five years to figure it out. My best buddy can't do it so well and just lets the aggravation get to him and start laying the blame on him. The fact that the brother had the drive allowed him to show off to us about how he developed some skills to maintain a little bit of attention with unsuspecting young women! He even took photos with a girl and talks about his favorite conquest of doing everything he could imagine with just one girl. However, my witty comment just crushes his moments of showing off and he began to accept it and reply with, "So what?"
Anyway, the brother seems pretty happy with the things he is doing even though I don't agree with him morally. The fact that he likes to show off is where I really stick it to him with comments that get him to calm down. He can't really make so much fun of me anymore because I play dirty with him too.
I'm really feeling worn down each night I come home from work. The nice living room is just alluring with the beautiful backdrop to just lie there and enjoy yourself. When I go to my room, I'm just filled with complex thoughts of playing my heart out until my exhaustion kicks in. It's something I'm trying hard to deal with right now. Will I turn into some workaholic? I don't ever think so because I don't want to work. I want to become rich and enjoy myself for all the days of my life. To get there, I need to put in my time and go through the excess of ups and downs and making mistakes and feeling lonely and sad or angry with myself. The vulnerable feeling that kicks in is like an excuse to go have my fun of familiar addictions. The thing about it is that if I do it too much, I start feeling like it's an empty route and that I need to clean up. It's pretty much an off and on thing for me.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
