I guess I'm not really that bad to be around especially for a girl who never really dated anyone and she looks absolutely fine and dandy for her age! When she talks, she gives off this small form of talk and has a personal sense of humor. I think she likes me a pretty good deal and in some respects, I do too. It's basically a mutual level of friendship while liking each other then. I have that going with another female friend too. I also have that with a third female friend too. The fourth, fifth, and sixth ones just love me like family. I think I might be able to obtain a seventh female friend who likes me too now that she asked me out yesterday!
The fourth and fifth girl could actually be border line with liking me or loving me as just family and only because they are still single ladies. The sixth one is getting married to a guy she's been with for awhile, yay! The second female friend is technically taken even though she doesn't act like it and occasionally gets flirtatious with me from her texts, but I don't pursue just because she has that relationship and it's like a "just on paper" relationship these days; they still do stuff together and I've seen a few hot photos they posted of themselves so yeah, it's cool.
Honestly, I'm not even trying to be a player. I just work on myself and do all I can and just go for reaching milestones on a daily basis and even if I fail that day, I just don't turn lazy about it. I think this quality and what you gain out of it is very attractive to single ladies in general and they will at least be your cool friend as a result.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
Friday, March 30, 2018
Trying to Make Progress
I don't really see being rejected by girls I like as a bad thing anymore. On the other hand, to be honest there's no such thing as a super perfect girl in this world anyway. I'm not perfect either, so if a girl doesn't like me for any reason then it's well within her right to not to have to. Even the super gorgeous ones might even lose her appeal to me, I have tested that attraction out so many times and just looking at the same thing over again gets old eventually; some ladies take a lot longer than others but still it gets old looking at her constantly. I just turn my head while I let that flash of beauty beam through my visual mind and then I try not to give a second look while remembering how attractive she looked. When I have done the second look, it always turns out to be weaker so yeah, I guess that's why I'm pretty chill about not having to pursue every hot girl on this planet!
I've spotted deficiencies with everyone and even the world renowned beauty queens! This is why I believe that I can't go wrong with a super sweet girl who cares about living a healthy life and actively maintains it. She's hot to me in that respect and if she's my wife then yeah, it's all night long party time!
From being rejected, there's really nothing wrong to it even though this dumb annoying guy I really know gets mad about girls turning him down and always saying they have a boyfriend. He doesn't stop and keeps trying to charm them. He just feels this greedy sense of wanting to obtain pleasure and masks it by being a playful little kid underneath and not making any sense at all. It makes girls laugh, so I guess he is never able to make his way back again to the same girl. He was never truly satisfied and still believes he gamed those girls so hard like a funny loser. The girls didn't really tell him stop, but I guess he got too ugly looking at one point and not really a young kid anymore so I think something happened that made him lose interest in doing the same thing routinely.
With getting rejected, I see it as a fine opportunity to just keep working on yourself and more time to do it comprehensively. My buddies don't really see this golden opportunity for them and just let it go to waste by believing their time will come and giving themselves over to leisure. There's a reason why they haven't made so much progress and are tested all the time with an all-time high level of frustration. They just don't improve and stay the same as they are and expect stuff should happen for them. I totally disagree and can't get through to them and have to accept how they are.
I've spotted deficiencies with everyone and even the world renowned beauty queens! This is why I believe that I can't go wrong with a super sweet girl who cares about living a healthy life and actively maintains it. She's hot to me in that respect and if she's my wife then yeah, it's all night long party time!
From being rejected, there's really nothing wrong to it even though this dumb annoying guy I really know gets mad about girls turning him down and always saying they have a boyfriend. He doesn't stop and keeps trying to charm them. He just feels this greedy sense of wanting to obtain pleasure and masks it by being a playful little kid underneath and not making any sense at all. It makes girls laugh, so I guess he is never able to make his way back again to the same girl. He was never truly satisfied and still believes he gamed those girls so hard like a funny loser. The girls didn't really tell him stop, but I guess he got too ugly looking at one point and not really a young kid anymore so I think something happened that made him lose interest in doing the same thing routinely.
With getting rejected, I see it as a fine opportunity to just keep working on yourself and more time to do it comprehensively. My buddies don't really see this golden opportunity for them and just let it go to waste by believing their time will come and giving themselves over to leisure. There's a reason why they haven't made so much progress and are tested all the time with an all-time high level of frustration. They just don't improve and stay the same as they are and expect stuff should happen for them. I totally disagree and can't get through to them and have to accept how they are.
Going After Full Potential
I'm pretty much facing adversity and it isn't really killing me so I don't care!
Making Few Adjustments
My life is practically composed of eating junk food when I get home for work and then feeling bad about it. I then go run for like an hour and a half to try to burn it all off because that's what I did yesterday! What I did is still fresh on my mind and something odd happened to me. A girl gave me her number for free through my dad's CPA and said she wanted to go out with me. I don't have this happening to me. I'm so short and now that I don't care, I texted her and she was like yeah, let's go out and told me when she's free.
I think she's taller than me and that's like possibly aggravating to me in some respects. If she wants to wear high heels to feel beautiful then great! If she wants to dance while towering over me then great, she looks good while I'm feeling aggravated from being reminded of how short I am. I guess in some respects it could be cute among us two while some people in this world will care to ridicule that.
I'm actually a pretty scary person when you come to think of it, so they might not want to say that directly to us and just talk about it behind their backs while laughing and enjoying my personal character as I relate to them at the same time. I think the best option for people who want to naturally just think about themselves will be just to adopt not caring about it. I'm living in a liberal state by the way, so I guess that hippy movement of free love or something that carried over could also apply for dating couples where the lady is taller than the guy!
I'm pretty conscious about it, but I don't let it debilitate me while I know my subconscious is screaming stuff out like murder and hatred with all the taller people out there or even just plain sadness like I lost a loved one- my own personal birthright of missing out on the "getting tall" gene. Heck, even Lee thought I was scary enough to put a restraining order on and she's taller than me. Indirectly, getting a restraining order from a dumb dimwit like Lee makes me look good!
So yeah, I'm great friends with slightly shorter Asian ladies than me who guys might deem to be "uber" hot. I can see that companionship with them and how they are cool with me. I don't really pursue them because I guess I already don't see my place to do something like that. I honestly would have asked out my ideal type by now if she wasn't already taken. She's super sweet and married a fairly ugly guy but I don't care about that because he's taller than me!
I think she's taller than me and that's like possibly aggravating to me in some respects. If she wants to wear high heels to feel beautiful then great! If she wants to dance while towering over me then great, she looks good while I'm feeling aggravated from being reminded of how short I am. I guess in some respects it could be cute among us two while some people in this world will care to ridicule that.
I'm actually a pretty scary person when you come to think of it, so they might not want to say that directly to us and just talk about it behind their backs while laughing and enjoying my personal character as I relate to them at the same time. I think the best option for people who want to naturally just think about themselves will be just to adopt not caring about it. I'm living in a liberal state by the way, so I guess that hippy movement of free love or something that carried over could also apply for dating couples where the lady is taller than the guy!
I'm pretty conscious about it, but I don't let it debilitate me while I know my subconscious is screaming stuff out like murder and hatred with all the taller people out there or even just plain sadness like I lost a loved one- my own personal birthright of missing out on the "getting tall" gene. Heck, even Lee thought I was scary enough to put a restraining order on and she's taller than me. Indirectly, getting a restraining order from a dumb dimwit like Lee makes me look good!
So yeah, I'm great friends with slightly shorter Asian ladies than me who guys might deem to be "uber" hot. I can see that companionship with them and how they are cool with me. I don't really pursue them because I guess I already don't see my place to do something like that. I honestly would have asked out my ideal type by now if she wasn't already taken. She's super sweet and married a fairly ugly guy but I don't care about that because he's taller than me!
Thursday, March 29, 2018
Earning a Unique Living
I'm one of those types with a rather interesting brain. I like to go after things to be successful with anything that interests me and not ever give up on them. If they get boring after awhile, then that's a different story but I don't let how others who seem to be doing better than me hinder me from going after something. It's all of a personal journey and thinking about a friend, he's actually pretty annoying from the way he thinks and how he communicates in a blunt fashion. He suppresses selfish, angry, and anxious emotions all the time and to have lived through a lot of that with him was an absolute headache. I can see how his family in general has to put up with it and just let it ride, which is funny now that I think about it!
Well, I'm not him and he's certainly not going to think how I'm doing it to make a living is the coolest thing in the world, if I become a totally lucky rock star of my career choice. I don't think he possesses that good buddy support, so I have been distancing myself from him these days. He's available with just a phone call away though and hardly anybody shows interest and he wonders why nobody really cares for him. He's just too selfish and has a lot of pride in what he thinks to be true and the right way! In other words, he's a loner in private but in public he just puts on a show to make his image look a lot better and this is very annoying if you get close to him.
I've been combining my thoughts about this buddy of mine I haven't seen lately and haven't really touched base on how I'm trying to make a great living. Okay this is enough digressing for this post. I have to go eat lunch!
Well, I'm not him and he's certainly not going to think how I'm doing it to make a living is the coolest thing in the world, if I become a totally lucky rock star of my career choice. I don't think he possesses that good buddy support, so I have been distancing myself from him these days. He's available with just a phone call away though and hardly anybody shows interest and he wonders why nobody really cares for him. He's just too selfish and has a lot of pride in what he thinks to be true and the right way! In other words, he's a loner in private but in public he just puts on a show to make his image look a lot better and this is very annoying if you get close to him.
I've been combining my thoughts about this buddy of mine I haven't seen lately and haven't really touched base on how I'm trying to make a great living. Okay this is enough digressing for this post. I have to go eat lunch!
Managing Time Properly
This is something I have been getting good at and it's all because my mentality is getting used to the repetitive mundaneness and how it just saps your energy and leaves you feeling exhausted. I'm not really spending my time that much anymore with playing video games because it's overwhelmingly time consuming to me; it's obviously really easy to let myself get sucked into and just get lost in all of that entertainment but it's not that worthwhile for me anymore.
In all fairness, I'm really lowering my own pride these days and not self-inflating myself while attempting spectacular things. I feel this drive to just succeed in general. I would like to have a really relaxed pace and also be prepared for like the worst to hit and be a loving Christian to everyone in this world.
I'm definitely keeping myself busy and letting my mind wander away in the mornings that I tune into the radio for attempting to hear "endless" sermons from anointed pastors. How do I know they are anointed? They believe very heavily that everything in the Bible is real and they want to get that message out, regardless of how the world feels about it, so that's how I know they are really serious when it comes to teaching everything in the Bible really says. This means they do not stick to one particular man or woman for getting information of what the Bible is; they try to gather all the information from many different sources as accurate as they can and pray about it to learn that this is the accurate teaching. Basically, it's to keep the faith in the Lord and live it out to only please Him and who cares what one person teaches and living that way. It's all about living for Jesus who is our savior to this sinful world!
In all fairness, I'm really lowering my own pride these days and not self-inflating myself while attempting spectacular things. I feel this drive to just succeed in general. I would like to have a really relaxed pace and also be prepared for like the worst to hit and be a loving Christian to everyone in this world.
I'm definitely keeping myself busy and letting my mind wander away in the mornings that I tune into the radio for attempting to hear "endless" sermons from anointed pastors. How do I know they are anointed? They believe very heavily that everything in the Bible is real and they want to get that message out, regardless of how the world feels about it, so that's how I know they are really serious when it comes to teaching everything in the Bible really says. This means they do not stick to one particular man or woman for getting information of what the Bible is; they try to gather all the information from many different sources as accurate as they can and pray about it to learn that this is the accurate teaching. Basically, it's to keep the faith in the Lord and live it out to only please Him and who cares what one person teaches and living that way. It's all about living for Jesus who is our savior to this sinful world!
It Is What It Is
I am just going to wing it now and have fun with it to the best of my ability. I don't really care that Lee was being crazy with me, along with a few people I was really ticked off by for showing their inconsideration with me. They were acting that way because they were having trouble dealing with their own personal emotions. It's like they have guiltiness written all over their faces over nothing really serious. It's embarrassing and sucks and gets you raging with wanting to set out with a violent tirade to squash the incident.
I'm aware of all of this and what they wanted to let out because I tried to approach them humbly while I was clearly disturbed at the same time. They sensed weakness so they tried to act stupid with me because they figured they could get away with it. I'm not going to be so lenient about it this time if I ever make my way. I would have to have so much time in my hands now and nothing else going before I go up to intend on yelling at them. I think with this intention and my openness along with how I have been showing it through writing, then yes, I think they will have to do their best to be respectful of me while I'm inviting them to let me catch them off guard and in the mode of putting their worst foot forward!
It's a very strong emotion and can be incredibly comedic and this is my intention of living it through this moment. They are a bunch of a weak sauce is what I will say to them and start laughing and to keep on prolonging the not-so-serious talk. They will be pretty much forced to go on with ignoring it and responding nicely as best as they can while trying to be conscious of what the negative things they are feeling and not letting it out, while I get to do that all I want to and then cry about it later to myself!
I'm aware of all of this and what they wanted to let out because I tried to approach them humbly while I was clearly disturbed at the same time. They sensed weakness so they tried to act stupid with me because they figured they could get away with it. I'm not going to be so lenient about it this time if I ever make my way. I would have to have so much time in my hands now and nothing else going before I go up to intend on yelling at them. I think with this intention and my openness along with how I have been showing it through writing, then yes, I think they will have to do their best to be respectful of me while I'm inviting them to let me catch them off guard and in the mode of putting their worst foot forward!
It's a very strong emotion and can be incredibly comedic and this is my intention of living it through this moment. They are a bunch of a weak sauce is what I will say to them and start laughing and to keep on prolonging the not-so-serious talk. They will be pretty much forced to go on with ignoring it and responding nicely as best as they can while trying to be conscious of what the negative things they are feeling and not letting it out, while I get to do that all I want to and then cry about it later to myself!
Wednesday, March 28, 2018
Future Endeavor Plans With Crazy People From the Past
I really don't care how immature this is but because of my confrontational personality, I will have to live up to the past stupidity that a few people put me through. I guess the only pass I will give them is if with all of my personal efforts when I'm ready, if I can't get to them because I don't want to spend the extra money to hire a P.I. or paparazzi to stalk them and find dirt on them for me, then I'm forced to move on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with moving on at that point in time!
I think this personal anger at them is what is wanting me to plot all this crazy stuff against them. At the same time though, I'm really taken in by the love of Jesus. It's this sinful nature that just wants to take over and blow up at the person I won't ever stop being angry at, but at the same time, God's grace and mercy just overflows my heart with abundant joy and love for this crazy and stupid person!
I'm just going to let loose if I ever get a chance to and just be myself and deal with it. If I end up reviving my crazy tactics that never get talked bad about by people in general- well, I've done it to maybe only three people fully so maybe the more the merrier with finding sensitive people who will try to sue me for harassment and fail to put in me in jail for their anger issues because I'm too smart for them! I'm confident about stating what I know what they are thinking behind their backs about and in front of their faces at the same time and that's pretty much the key- ignorance is bliss.
I think this personal anger at them is what is wanting me to plot all this crazy stuff against them. At the same time though, I'm really taken in by the love of Jesus. It's this sinful nature that just wants to take over and blow up at the person I won't ever stop being angry at, but at the same time, God's grace and mercy just overflows my heart with abundant joy and love for this crazy and stupid person!
I'm just going to let loose if I ever get a chance to and just be myself and deal with it. If I end up reviving my crazy tactics that never get talked bad about by people in general- well, I've done it to maybe only three people fully so maybe the more the merrier with finding sensitive people who will try to sue me for harassment and fail to put in me in jail for their anger issues because I'm too smart for them! I'm confident about stating what I know what they are thinking behind their backs about and in front of their faces at the same time and that's pretty much the key- ignorance is bliss.
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
Outsmarting People
From having this ability to outsmart people, I let my guard down and just be a mellow person. I notice that the most humble people out there are so capable of killing everybody and be the best at it, but they don't because they prefer being chill just like me!
I even let people who were going crazy with me stay crazy because I was in so much denial and having trouble letting it go. They were being very insensitive about it, so now I see that with me opening up and just pursuing a direction that doesn't even matter, yeah it shows that their personal character sucks.
In other words, their lifestyle isn't really fooling me anymore and it isn't that appealing. Those people are just going to try to ignore me which is human nature to be selfish. It's what people can call moving on. If I wanted to, I could make an impact but it's all about making a value call. Maybe, I just don't have the time for doing all of this like I did when I had no job to begin with and was in college. I could have just burned them with my angry statements and just went all random and weird on them to the point of confusing them and being funny, smart, and nice enough that I could get them to hang out with me while making them feel bad for themselves. Yeah, they had issues that were hard to let go of but in time, it seems reasonable to not bring it up while letting it bother you personally and being okay with being around that person.
I even let people who were going crazy with me stay crazy because I was in so much denial and having trouble letting it go. They were being very insensitive about it, so now I see that with me opening up and just pursuing a direction that doesn't even matter, yeah it shows that their personal character sucks.
In other words, their lifestyle isn't really fooling me anymore and it isn't that appealing. Those people are just going to try to ignore me which is human nature to be selfish. It's what people can call moving on. If I wanted to, I could make an impact but it's all about making a value call. Maybe, I just don't have the time for doing all of this like I did when I had no job to begin with and was in college. I could have just burned them with my angry statements and just went all random and weird on them to the point of confusing them and being funny, smart, and nice enough that I could get them to hang out with me while making them feel bad for themselves. Yeah, they had issues that were hard to let go of but in time, it seems reasonable to not bring it up while letting it bother you personally and being okay with being around that person.
About Crazy Lee
I guess after all this time talking about Hope of God Church and making them the butt of my jokes, it wouldn't make sense after all these years to never have a post dedicated to the crazy lady who started it all, Lee! Actually, I'm not sure if I'm even going to focus this post on her, but at least I have the title finally to laugh further about this.
I think it's really funny even though it drives me mad to think about it. I'm not in any rush nor any worry with how stupid Lee acted. She isn't coming after me and is probably still afraid of me for some reasons I don't know; otherwise, she wouldn't have gone after a restraining order with me in the first place.
I absolutely sucked at defending myself and had no base. It was built out of sand and the positive thing I learned from it is that I need to open up and be honest. I don't think the situation even mattered and she was taking it too seriously. Yeah, I think Lee is an absolutely crazy person and should never even try to speak on the pulpit at her small church of more oblivious crazies! Let me explain that- the church doctrine is weird and Lee said that to be a saved individual you have to have the gift of speaking in tongues. They were talking in tongues and it's weird and funny and I can't believe I tried to stay in defense of this church while Lee was against me for something that she had absolutely no control over.
Hey I've been writing honestly about this church and it's so negative upon them all these years. They haven't came after me for anything. Heck, I could even say that I heard someone say that Lee mentioned that some girls get turned on by bad boys and because she said that Lee is susceptible to liking me because she thought I was a crazy bad boy from talking bad about her church so then why would she put a restraining order on me. I can just assume logically it's so she could maybe deny her own fleshly and sinful desires! I say that as a truthful joke because I really don't care about coming onto Lee. She can read this sentence over and over again. I'm not going to lie because I'm not attracted to Lee's personality. I think she's stupid and it's all because of one thing- she put a restraining order on me! It fell out so I'm complaining now about how Lee was so stupid and crazy and couldn't let things go.
I think it's really funny even though it drives me mad to think about it. I'm not in any rush nor any worry with how stupid Lee acted. She isn't coming after me and is probably still afraid of me for some reasons I don't know; otherwise, she wouldn't have gone after a restraining order with me in the first place.
I absolutely sucked at defending myself and had no base. It was built out of sand and the positive thing I learned from it is that I need to open up and be honest. I don't think the situation even mattered and she was taking it too seriously. Yeah, I think Lee is an absolutely crazy person and should never even try to speak on the pulpit at her small church of more oblivious crazies! Let me explain that- the church doctrine is weird and Lee said that to be a saved individual you have to have the gift of speaking in tongues. They were talking in tongues and it's weird and funny and I can't believe I tried to stay in defense of this church while Lee was against me for something that she had absolutely no control over.
Hey I've been writing honestly about this church and it's so negative upon them all these years. They haven't came after me for anything. Heck, I could even say that I heard someone say that Lee mentioned that some girls get turned on by bad boys and because she said that Lee is susceptible to liking me because she thought I was a crazy bad boy from talking bad about her church so then why would she put a restraining order on me. I can just assume logically it's so she could maybe deny her own fleshly and sinful desires! I say that as a truthful joke because I really don't care about coming onto Lee. She can read this sentence over and over again. I'm not going to lie because I'm not attracted to Lee's personality. I think she's stupid and it's all because of one thing- she put a restraining order on me! It fell out so I'm complaining now about how Lee was so stupid and crazy and couldn't let things go.
Personal Assessment
I'm coming from a straight honest point of view. If a person is really chill then I will be the same and block out mean or selfish thoughts with this person. However, when the person doesn't act that way then that's when I have trouble dealing with it. I go crazy on the person and I'm very confrontational by nature from being an angry person and I can unload on the other person and just overwhelm them with my unrelenting negative energy. In other words, it's never a fun thing to be a crazy person around me.
My only excuse is that I have reasons to laugh about all this and then move to force the other person I'm being naughty with on purpose because he or she made me mad to be peaceful with me as well. I think my drive is actually very comedic and this side of me just wants to come out but I suppress it all the time, but I constantly remind myself of stressful situations of people I know who were not all mentally there. I now see it, so I guess it's really on me to just let that side out and accept being locked up in a mental hospital if they are smart enough to get me there. It's like playing a chess match and I'm not signing up for that mess and going for trying to break their defensive barriers and getting them to admit to themselves that they are out of line and should get some help so I could laugh at them and continue the beat down process.
This is honestly not that of a Christian thing to do and it isn't loving at all because it's so evil and I'm releasing a grudge by placing all that scary energy upon them. I guess that's why with me being very honest, it lets out my positive sides a lot and it's something that a lot of people can be jealous with me about and just ignore me for because they might have their own issues to deal with as well. All in all, I think the actual reason for how I can make all these plans and get away with it is because it can be genuinely funny from how I play things.
My only excuse is that I have reasons to laugh about all this and then move to force the other person I'm being naughty with on purpose because he or she made me mad to be peaceful with me as well. I think my drive is actually very comedic and this side of me just wants to come out but I suppress it all the time, but I constantly remind myself of stressful situations of people I know who were not all mentally there. I now see it, so I guess it's really on me to just let that side out and accept being locked up in a mental hospital if they are smart enough to get me there. It's like playing a chess match and I'm not signing up for that mess and going for trying to break their defensive barriers and getting them to admit to themselves that they are out of line and should get some help so I could laugh at them and continue the beat down process.
This is honestly not that of a Christian thing to do and it isn't loving at all because it's so evil and I'm releasing a grudge by placing all that scary energy upon them. I guess that's why with me being very honest, it lets out my positive sides a lot and it's something that a lot of people can be jealous with me about and just ignore me for because they might have their own issues to deal with as well. All in all, I think the actual reason for how I can make all these plans and get away with it is because it can be genuinely funny from how I play things.
Monday, March 26, 2018
Moving Towards Marriage
I think settling down will mark an interesting transition and it's mainly going to deal with trying to have lots of legit sex with the person I'm in love with, I guess. I can wait on it too and be patient with my partner and hopefully she doesn't go off being crazy for a long time because that would be a pain to have to deal with! The way I see marriage is that, it's a lifelong commitment and I'm one of those who doesn't intend on breaking that "Til death do us part" pledge. If she ends up wanting to call it quits, I'm not budging unless she wants to be with someone else and I made that mistake of not catching it from the beginning. I don't care how crazy the situation gets, I'm not moving away from trying to make the future wife happy and staying in love with her.
It really comes all down to finding an available woman who would accept my interest in her. I haven't found her yet and what's keeping me from pursuing is my other distractions and sorting out my personal levels of confidence. I would like to be successful financially and have plenty of time before I'm able to settle with a wonderful woman.
Of the few single ladies I'm really close to at this moment, one might not be mentally ready for it and she's a decent chick who loves to work on herself. I also think she's pretty young and wild at heart and just makes all these self-inflated claims every once in awhile and to find that she has to bail too from thinking in practical terms, right at the moment. Another girl is sweet and upfront about herself- I love that about her and it seems like guys overlook her all the time; I don't know if there's a connection that I have with her because I find her quirkiness adorable in quite some ways. She also has a slender body and has expressed interest in raising kids with a guy she can trust to help raise them. I'm not very charismatic with these ladies because I don't want to lead them into doing stuff with me that they may not be interested in. It's sort of wrong to do because when they get mad, it's when something like a bit of hell could break lose.
My ideal type of girl is actually quite into me, but from having met her, she already has something going with her husband. I'm very happy for her by the way and it's neat because I can have friendships with the girls I love and also give them their space and allow them to move on with me cringing self-indulgently in sadness or just laughing about her flaws so I can move on to the next girl!
Yeah, I'm just going to bluntly state that I believe Lee, the crazy and taller lady who put a dumb, temporary restraining order was never right for me because I didn't even try to come on to her. She's a leader of a church and was trying to make me conform to her church standards which is utterly, complete nonsense. The way that I see it is that they were offended because I wrote a poem that gave my opinion of how the ladies there were stupid and unattractive and then posted it for everyone to read for my own personal laughs. I can keep supporting my claims if I want to continue being a jerk, but I think I'll leave it as being a gentleman and suggesting in a nice manner how they could be better or just go off of them because I still want to be peaceful with Miss or Mrs. Lee.
For a self-note, I think it's pretty chill to end with Crazy Lee and not write about Annie and Betty who was at that church and they were my targeted females with that poem too! It's really humorous and Annie who has anger issues and I see it now isn't really that reliable for any advice with me and she basically calms herself when she's tapped into the Spirit of God- wow, it's amazing but from a point of view with having a personal relationship, she's not that great of a person from gossiping at times and sounding annoying too from having overheard her.
It really comes all down to finding an available woman who would accept my interest in her. I haven't found her yet and what's keeping me from pursuing is my other distractions and sorting out my personal levels of confidence. I would like to be successful financially and have plenty of time before I'm able to settle with a wonderful woman.
Of the few single ladies I'm really close to at this moment, one might not be mentally ready for it and she's a decent chick who loves to work on herself. I also think she's pretty young and wild at heart and just makes all these self-inflated claims every once in awhile and to find that she has to bail too from thinking in practical terms, right at the moment. Another girl is sweet and upfront about herself- I love that about her and it seems like guys overlook her all the time; I don't know if there's a connection that I have with her because I find her quirkiness adorable in quite some ways. She also has a slender body and has expressed interest in raising kids with a guy she can trust to help raise them. I'm not very charismatic with these ladies because I don't want to lead them into doing stuff with me that they may not be interested in. It's sort of wrong to do because when they get mad, it's when something like a bit of hell could break lose.
My ideal type of girl is actually quite into me, but from having met her, she already has something going with her husband. I'm very happy for her by the way and it's neat because I can have friendships with the girls I love and also give them their space and allow them to move on with me cringing self-indulgently in sadness or just laughing about her flaws so I can move on to the next girl!
Yeah, I'm just going to bluntly state that I believe Lee, the crazy and taller lady who put a dumb, temporary restraining order was never right for me because I didn't even try to come on to her. She's a leader of a church and was trying to make me conform to her church standards which is utterly, complete nonsense. The way that I see it is that they were offended because I wrote a poem that gave my opinion of how the ladies there were stupid and unattractive and then posted it for everyone to read for my own personal laughs. I can keep supporting my claims if I want to continue being a jerk, but I think I'll leave it as being a gentleman and suggesting in a nice manner how they could be better or just go off of them because I still want to be peaceful with Miss or Mrs. Lee.
For a self-note, I think it's pretty chill to end with Crazy Lee and not write about Annie and Betty who was at that church and they were my targeted females with that poem too! It's really humorous and Annie who has anger issues and I see it now isn't really that reliable for any advice with me and she basically calms herself when she's tapped into the Spirit of God- wow, it's amazing but from a point of view with having a personal relationship, she's not that great of a person from gossiping at times and sounding annoying too from having overheard her.
Letting It Out
I think one of the reasons why I've had people go quiet with me who were acting like brats to me is that I have gone off on them while feeling like all of it is a waste of time. I then commit myself to this stressful act and regret it later on. The cool part though is that I have told them along the way to be quiet about it with others and they have been so cool to abide by that for the most part.
I believe that I'm really funny and crazy in a good way when I go off on people. I just have all this anger that changes into focus and passionate drive and I'm just completely fueled by that to move a person to a certain direction. It's insane and doesn't feel good to do that and I can say that while laughing about it now.
It's a part of me that I have forced to lie dormant because I don't want to activate it from being chill. I'm happy being a chill and short guy! I don't care finding laughs with myself now and not at all really caring about people telling me that I'm so short now after losing lots of pounds. I still get that angry drive every once in awhile, but what is cool is that we are all entitled to our opinions and from learning a lot, I know what I'm capable of doing and this is what probably people will end up liking or respecting me about while having a good laugh as well and just shaking it off.
I believe that I'm really funny and crazy in a good way when I go off on people. I just have all this anger that changes into focus and passionate drive and I'm just completely fueled by that to move a person to a certain direction. It's insane and doesn't feel good to do that and I can say that while laughing about it now.
It's a part of me that I have forced to lie dormant because I don't want to activate it from being chill. I'm happy being a chill and short guy! I don't care finding laughs with myself now and not at all really caring about people telling me that I'm so short now after losing lots of pounds. I still get that angry drive every once in awhile, but what is cool is that we are all entitled to our opinions and from learning a lot, I know what I'm capable of doing and this is what probably people will end up liking or respecting me about while having a good laugh as well and just shaking it off.
Responding to Personal Attacks
I am incredibly capable of making fun of people to them in person who have lost control with themselves and are directing their negative energy with me. I was being unintentionally a jerk to them by making fun of them and holding back my statements to make them think I'm so crazy! Yeah, they totally lost it and deserved to feel that way because they didn't care about being a jerk with that past moment. From being honest, getting a personal laugh out of it with whoever wants to observe our exchange will be part of it.
From finding ways to laugh with a sense of humor, it really helps to ease any feelings of tension or selfishness or psychotic thoughts I may get at that moment. I have always been that person who just wants to get along. My biggest transition in learning to have great relationships with people in general has been to be openly myself. It's a courageous move and there's no going back once I've thrown out my claims or doubting what I said in the moment. It really helps me a lot to just get one person to respond positively to me and that's all I really need honestly. I think the crazy part is that I completely ignore the whole spiritual aspect of this a lot and may be moved by the Holy Spirit every once in awhile to do something completely different with how everybody else wants it done.
Like some crazy guy might be like go kill them and they are thinking I'm going to do that to them because it's logical to think that way. They are being selfish and trying to cover it up, so I'm like who cares and let's get along because I like being a nice guy. They are so frustrated by that and try to make me blow up while thinking that I should logically kill them. I don't follow them because I now have a way of making fun of them to combat those feelings and I want them alive so I can get that pleasure of continuously laughing at them, so then they are like in the end, oh man, "We are so stupid."
I'm so different and not the guy who likes to feel empty about stuff while living life. I feel that wholesome thing going inside of me. I'm a self-starter and care about maintaining a happy purpose of living my busy and not-that-standing-out life.
From finding ways to laugh with a sense of humor, it really helps to ease any feelings of tension or selfishness or psychotic thoughts I may get at that moment. I have always been that person who just wants to get along. My biggest transition in learning to have great relationships with people in general has been to be openly myself. It's a courageous move and there's no going back once I've thrown out my claims or doubting what I said in the moment. It really helps me a lot to just get one person to respond positively to me and that's all I really need honestly. I think the crazy part is that I completely ignore the whole spiritual aspect of this a lot and may be moved by the Holy Spirit every once in awhile to do something completely different with how everybody else wants it done.
Like some crazy guy might be like go kill them and they are thinking I'm going to do that to them because it's logical to think that way. They are being selfish and trying to cover it up, so I'm like who cares and let's get along because I like being a nice guy. They are so frustrated by that and try to make me blow up while thinking that I should logically kill them. I don't follow them because I now have a way of making fun of them to combat those feelings and I want them alive so I can get that pleasure of continuously laughing at them, so then they are like in the end, oh man, "We are so stupid."
I'm so different and not the guy who likes to feel empty about stuff while living life. I feel that wholesome thing going inside of me. I'm a self-starter and care about maintaining a happy purpose of living my busy and not-that-standing-out life.
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
Finding Dates Online
First off, being a short man, I will get snubbed by all ladies considering how the average lady may be scared of meeting a psychotic man online to begin with and put up a weird dating profile as a joke to turn off pursuers. I know because one of my single female friends did the same thing and I told her I would click yes on her profile and other weird ones just to see what I end up with!
By doing a short sample test with other short guys I know (even shorter than me and I'm only 5 feet 3 inches), they all told me that they failed to make a relationship online. My cousin found a girlfriend from dropping his standards and she has some physical issues. Man, that would be hard for me to deal with but he had to break up with her because she couldn't take the negativity from him being so short and her having too many physical issues; it was a little crazy but he just didn't care. Okay this is embarrassing, but I met an obese girl who wanted to have sex with me ( her booty call) and another hot girl who had a few abortions. I'm like those girls are too much for me from going online. I can't believe that I was able to go on a date with those type of girls online. It's only a one-hit wonder and will never happen again. I was not satisfied with it!
Overall, I can state that I failed to find a happy relationship from trying online dating too and I found them on a free dating site that I won't mention to not encourage anybody into the fringe sexual relationships I was able to do but only if I wanted to. They were not my type by the way. Well, I did snub a couple really hot girls in person too who liked me when I was a few years in and out of college. I didn't know I was actually pretty good looking for a short Asian dude. I had psychological issues to still sort out, so I didn't feel ready at that age!
The better quality ladies I have been able to hang out with have come from meeting them in person. The ones that burned so much and hurt and were frustrating came from trying to go with finding online dates. Especially with me being short, I did an experiment online and only once by listing a promising ad while lying about all of it and sounding real as possible. I was saying that I was a really cute guy and nice and rich and tall and guess what (?) no woman really responded to it either except for a frustrated person who was more interested in trying to scam me!
I think I know the drill now with finding a woman to settle down with. I'm still not ready for marrying yet but the best way is to go out of your way to find social events that relate to your interests in some way and let yourself naturally open up to ladies who interest you. I play it slow because I'm not really that serious about it, but that's where it goes, you play it smooth and get to know the girl and go for finding a genuine connection of digging for her and naturally, girls will respond positively to this nice and natural energy. Also, if the girl isn't looking for it then you got to let it go and try for another one and just be cool and patient about it like it doesn't matter. This girl who doesn't want you is something you just got to respect and more often than not, I've found she's interested in still hanging out with me as friends.
My biggest rule is to respect significant relationships that girls are already in, meaning if she reveals to me she's taken then I don't continue chasing after her even while I'm hurting inside. A really good lady friend made me feel like she was leading me on in the beginning. She was being very affectionate and sweet and just bubbly with me. Yeah, I know she likes me seriously; it's really that obvious but she's in a weird relationship with her boyfriend so I'm like no can do and we're just friends with each other who get along really well.
From my biggest rule, the applicability comes from just knowing if the girl is single and seeing if you have a connection with her and if you feel a strong enough case, you just ask her out on a date and be cool if she says no and move on to the next cute girl, which is hard to take on a lot of guys but going to be an inevitable thing to do. You just have to keep her interests in mind and try not to bring that up again and then she might just be cool with hanging out. I don't pursue once the girl made up her mind and I don't want to get cocky in thinking that I can get her to change her mind either.
I think a lot of guys just don't know how to find all these single and available cute girls and it's easy for them to overlook especially short guys who just don't get that much love from people in this world. It's also in general from what I'm figuring now too from my online experiment that I did.
Friday, March 16, 2018
Committing To Activities
It looks like I'm starting to get better transition into going with how I want to do things for becoming financially stable. I have a very unique way of going about this and it's trading Forex. You have to be born with a certain trait to master it, and it just doesn't appeal to the normal brain for some reasons I don't know. I will take a shot at it with my own opinion, which might be plausible or not. There are differing views when it comes to trading the market and some are more inviting with sharing theirs than others; it's our decision to let that influence us or not.
I think the average person believes in being content with what he or she has going and to stick with personal passions even if it's not going to bring so much riches. It doesn't really matter to be a billionaire if that's not going to make you happy. If you have everything, then life sometimes doesn't become that meaningful anymore. It's weird with how the human psyche goes, but it looks like nothing in this world can truly satisfy you. It's like there's a desire to pursue after something in reaching and will be never-ending; in a way, the feeling itself is a rush.
I myself personally believe that coming to Jesus is the end of the road and final resting place to a person's spiritual journey. Yeah, I'm a believer and maybe not anybody prominent nor will ever be in this world, but I'm absolutely okay with it! It's so personal and I love that. I don't really find that much favor from others too because I think I give off a body signal that I don't find it very pleasing all the time to hear that.
One of the things that I got pretty good at was working out with a bunch of girls who were looking to tone down and lead a more healthy lifestyle. Obviously, they said I was awesome because I made progress and was challenging myself to physical levels they have never aspired to themselves. I'm now a part of something bigger and I'm about an average athlete these days; I could do so much better and those little insufficiencies are what I feel are visible to others in subtle ways and they do impact my circumstances quite a bit, except for the close friends who I already established a relationship with.
This is an incredibly introspective and honest approach while being genuine as possible. I guess when I'm angry I can go so crazy but maybe there are others who would do the same. I really had trouble opening up with others who are angry because I didn't want to blow up on them, but I had this drive to carry out a stressful conflict against them. I can say that I won the war in the end, and my stupid opponents aren't really going to respond anything to it. They might just laugh and sort of envy my character a bit. Yeah, for being a 34 year old and short dude, I seem to drive out a lot of personal interest with me in others. I might actually do well with transitioning into finding a girlfriend someday, but some of my great female friends are totally nice and having them a part of my life is a blessing. This is what I always wanted, so I actually have it now.
I don't know if seeking after sex in marriage is playing with fire by letting that just be the main motivation. It's probably a normal and human thing to do and just very internalized by everyone because there is some factor of it feeling embarrassing. I would like to have this rock hard body with muscles and just be the greatest love making machine I could be to my very own wife someday. Maybe, she could be a cream of the crop specimen and very good at it for adding the icing to the cake.
I think the average person believes in being content with what he or she has going and to stick with personal passions even if it's not going to bring so much riches. It doesn't really matter to be a billionaire if that's not going to make you happy. If you have everything, then life sometimes doesn't become that meaningful anymore. It's weird with how the human psyche goes, but it looks like nothing in this world can truly satisfy you. It's like there's a desire to pursue after something in reaching and will be never-ending; in a way, the feeling itself is a rush.
I myself personally believe that coming to Jesus is the end of the road and final resting place to a person's spiritual journey. Yeah, I'm a believer and maybe not anybody prominent nor will ever be in this world, but I'm absolutely okay with it! It's so personal and I love that. I don't really find that much favor from others too because I think I give off a body signal that I don't find it very pleasing all the time to hear that.
One of the things that I got pretty good at was working out with a bunch of girls who were looking to tone down and lead a more healthy lifestyle. Obviously, they said I was awesome because I made progress and was challenging myself to physical levels they have never aspired to themselves. I'm now a part of something bigger and I'm about an average athlete these days; I could do so much better and those little insufficiencies are what I feel are visible to others in subtle ways and they do impact my circumstances quite a bit, except for the close friends who I already established a relationship with.
This is an incredibly introspective and honest approach while being genuine as possible. I guess when I'm angry I can go so crazy but maybe there are others who would do the same. I really had trouble opening up with others who are angry because I didn't want to blow up on them, but I had this drive to carry out a stressful conflict against them. I can say that I won the war in the end, and my stupid opponents aren't really going to respond anything to it. They might just laugh and sort of envy my character a bit. Yeah, for being a 34 year old and short dude, I seem to drive out a lot of personal interest with me in others. I might actually do well with transitioning into finding a girlfriend someday, but some of my great female friends are totally nice and having them a part of my life is a blessing. This is what I always wanted, so I actually have it now.
I don't know if seeking after sex in marriage is playing with fire by letting that just be the main motivation. It's probably a normal and human thing to do and just very internalized by everyone because there is some factor of it feeling embarrassing. I would like to have this rock hard body with muscles and just be the greatest love making machine I could be to my very own wife someday. Maybe, she could be a cream of the crop specimen and very good at it for adding the icing to the cake.
Thursday, March 15, 2018
Not Jealous At All
For all the happy people in this world and from actually being used to desiring sexual relations all the time but still committing to being a celibate, I'm not jealous at all for all those happy couples out there because I'm all for them! This is really good in a way because it's good to get all this out of my system. I also need to start concentrating better, so I will be doing that now. It's actually really cool with the job that I have going and to be able to figure things out.
There's a lot of sweet opportunities right now for me and a door has just started to open from having put in work for all these years and still standing. I'm very fortunate that the things I have dealt with in working with dumb people is that it isn't that serious and those individuals I disturbed very heavily are terrified of me! Guess what? I'm only 5 feet 3 and one-half inches. I'm a guy too and I weigh about 155 pounds and no more than 165 at any given time. The fact that I can scare taller ladies often like Lee who was dumb with me is interesting, and I don't mind talking about that to joke about it if I ever she her weird face again. I'm only saying it's going to be funny looking at how weird she looks from looking at her shocked face with me! Okay, I don't expect Lee to be around Hope of God Church in Los Angeles after all these years. I wouldn't even be surprised if someone paid to have that building demolished by a construction company and taken over by a businessman. Actually that location sucks to do business as well, so I think no one will want to buy it and probably for the reasons of being religious purposes and them being classified as slightly liberal for their Christian denomination (Pentecostal), I can see how there may be enough donations around to keep them modest.
This is really fun with me blowing my honest tongue around and it's basically funny turning them into the butt of my truthful jokes. I'm being blunt about all of this and laughing at the same time so it feels great while relaxing all this tension of personal hatred against them. I forgave Lee for her lack of concern for me because she didn't want to make it a big deal but became an idiot by going after a restraining order which fell out. She's really dumb for having done that because she can't deny it from being on record, and I can make some aggressive moves at this point to which it would make her run away from the conflict and not respond like a normal human.
It all comes down to one thing. I made a promise with God to be a millionaire and get a six pack before I go show off at that church! I'm going to be like I don't care and I did this to hold on to my oath. I make it well known on this blog and to the few friends who have laughed at the oath I swore with God. Until I have acquired those things for myself, I can't go see how messed up Hope of God Church in Los Angeles turned out.
There's a lot of sweet opportunities right now for me and a door has just started to open from having put in work for all these years and still standing. I'm very fortunate that the things I have dealt with in working with dumb people is that it isn't that serious and those individuals I disturbed very heavily are terrified of me! Guess what? I'm only 5 feet 3 and one-half inches. I'm a guy too and I weigh about 155 pounds and no more than 165 at any given time. The fact that I can scare taller ladies often like Lee who was dumb with me is interesting, and I don't mind talking about that to joke about it if I ever she her weird face again. I'm only saying it's going to be funny looking at how weird she looks from looking at her shocked face with me! Okay, I don't expect Lee to be around Hope of God Church in Los Angeles after all these years. I wouldn't even be surprised if someone paid to have that building demolished by a construction company and taken over by a businessman. Actually that location sucks to do business as well, so I think no one will want to buy it and probably for the reasons of being religious purposes and them being classified as slightly liberal for their Christian denomination (Pentecostal), I can see how there may be enough donations around to keep them modest.
This is really fun with me blowing my honest tongue around and it's basically funny turning them into the butt of my truthful jokes. I'm being blunt about all of this and laughing at the same time so it feels great while relaxing all this tension of personal hatred against them. I forgave Lee for her lack of concern for me because she didn't want to make it a big deal but became an idiot by going after a restraining order which fell out. She's really dumb for having done that because she can't deny it from being on record, and I can make some aggressive moves at this point to which it would make her run away from the conflict and not respond like a normal human.
It all comes down to one thing. I made a promise with God to be a millionaire and get a six pack before I go show off at that church! I'm going to be like I don't care and I did this to hold on to my oath. I make it well known on this blog and to the few friends who have laughed at the oath I swore with God. Until I have acquired those things for myself, I can't go see how messed up Hope of God Church in Los Angeles turned out.
Wednesday, March 14, 2018
Praying to Jesus About Everything!
Well, all my stupid thoughts included and concerns and anything that just tests my patience while I'm feeling charged up and very angry, I tried talking to Jesus about all of that this morning while driving to work. It felt good actually, and I learned something really important from tuning into the radio, I should be learning about what a godly woman truly is! Is she going to be sexy and into sex?
I really have no clue but according to my walk with Jesus and this is funny, I should be looking for a godly woman if I still can't help minding my own business to put myself out there and flirt with fine looking young women! On the other hand, my spiritual job should be about being a godly man. Now that gets an amen from all those lovely Christian ladies out there!
Putting things into perspective, I don't feel ready to search for this future hot momma. Thinking about a woman who I treat as my sister and analyzing about what makes her a wonderful being, she was at the time being a godly woman. I put myself aside from not being ready and I think Chris was just being a dumb person with an inferiority complex and so irritated and just messed up individual that I could have beat him up and he would still be in denial! If I had done that to poor Chris there, then I would be lost at my own wit's end in what to do with Judy in general! Therefore, Chris being a stupid man did something right for once by taking Judy for a wife. Amen!
I had to filter out some weird and twisted sexual imagination that scared the living daylights out of me when it came to fantasizing what having kids would be like with Judy, so yeah, I'm glad I didn't pursue it and looks like, it's a comfortable and lovely thing Chris and Judy could have going if they keep working on themselves for a godly marriage. Being a godly man is a lot harder than I can imagine that I can't even commit to saying I'm going to be godly everyday!
I can commit to being a celibate everyday and also not cussing but being godly (?) - that is definitely no way hoosiers. It's not that sad because I'm writing this being about honoring Jesus and I will pray and ahh, hopefully I don't get testy and start writing a lot of statements where the other person will just go quiet with me. It happens all the time for me.
I really have no clue but according to my walk with Jesus and this is funny, I should be looking for a godly woman if I still can't help minding my own business to put myself out there and flirt with fine looking young women! On the other hand, my spiritual job should be about being a godly man. Now that gets an amen from all those lovely Christian ladies out there!
Putting things into perspective, I don't feel ready to search for this future hot momma. Thinking about a woman who I treat as my sister and analyzing about what makes her a wonderful being, she was at the time being a godly woman. I put myself aside from not being ready and I think Chris was just being a dumb person with an inferiority complex and so irritated and just messed up individual that I could have beat him up and he would still be in denial! If I had done that to poor Chris there, then I would be lost at my own wit's end in what to do with Judy in general! Therefore, Chris being a stupid man did something right for once by taking Judy for a wife. Amen!
I had to filter out some weird and twisted sexual imagination that scared the living daylights out of me when it came to fantasizing what having kids would be like with Judy, so yeah, I'm glad I didn't pursue it and looks like, it's a comfortable and lovely thing Chris and Judy could have going if they keep working on themselves for a godly marriage. Being a godly man is a lot harder than I can imagine that I can't even commit to saying I'm going to be godly everyday!
I can commit to being a celibate everyday and also not cussing but being godly (?) - that is definitely no way hoosiers. It's not that sad because I'm writing this being about honoring Jesus and I will pray and ahh, hopefully I don't get testy and start writing a lot of statements where the other person will just go quiet with me. It happens all the time for me.
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
Understanding What Makes Me Cuss
For the longest time I could be so sure that Webster's Dictionary never included the word cuss. Ever since I was a little kid in the elementary playground with other boys, I used to hear them say how nasty it was to stumble upon porno tapes. I remember laughing when a kid showed me a pornographic material. It was then when I was going through puberty that yeah, I couldn't get my hands full of feeling aroused so yeah, that was addictive and when I learned about masturbation that was ahh, so bad too. Today, I'm a celibate and still a virgin. I'm happy to be one and feel like I have something to really treasure losing in marriage to a very special lady.
Basically, the material that gets me to cuss in my personal daily walk is anything that I remember whether it was out of my hands or not and can be interpreted as embarrassing. It's that simple for me. I basically sucked and think that's embarrassing so I'm cussing away once a week sometimes. One of the things that's helped me to relieve this situation to cussing to past memories of being embarrassed is to just accept it and then laugh about my silly behaviors. Another thing is to just will myself to improve at whatever I want to do. It's pretty bad that I don't have a wife to indulge my sexual desires in, so it's been equally bad to try to substitute practicing love-making techniques all from just masturbation and watching porn.
Basically turning to Jesus and also praying about it helps out and choosing to honor the Lord from living in peace and joy from being filled by God's Holy Spirit is so wonderful! Overall, my kryptonite has been pride and resenting personal embarrassment.
I remember being liked by some cool kids. I was like what the heck! I had that competitive drive and feelings of not accepting defeat and just pushing forward. What was bad is that I loved being lazy from watching cartoons back then. I still like to on occasion, but the animated films I watch now are much more darker or sexier. I also like very funny shows too which is hard to get away from watching at times.
One of the things that I've noticed is that I'm so hard on myself and worried about how others might feel the same way with me. Another connection I've made is that when a person unfriended me on Facebook, later on I found out that dude can be such an annoying dork so he did me a favor of not wanting to bug me by removing me as a friend!
I really do want to get my priorities straightened out, so with the seven things I have in mind of doing, I'm going to have to make a "battle plan" for each one and then self-monitor myself through commitment to get there. This is all rooted on organizing my desires, so it only would make sense that I find methods of something I love doing to be happy and successful! One of the biggest observations I can confirm right now is that I was liked in general as a kid by nearly everybody because I was so hardworking in order to get straight A's and also tried to be always nice.
A kid had some issues with me and it really did screw me up emotionally, but I figure he just wanted to be a pest from being selfish about not wanting to let go of something and verbally attacking me about it. When I've been that way to others, I was trying to be nice about it but the people responded back rudely with me nearly every time. I could have gone off crazy with them which I did in college with about three individuals total and they were about two guys and a girl. I'm not really that much in contact with them any longer. I ended up being cool with them after lashing out several times. What I've noticed is that the people who were jerks with me and I was the same way to them to bother them back continuously, I stopped trying to lash out at them. The moment I showed a little sign of doing that- they made an annoying attack on my character from becoming insecure. They thought they were in control of everything, but in fact, it was always centered on me and I was working on myself through these valuable moments of learning. This is an area that I myself have done some work on and I've made some significant improvements lately and I'm really glad to be making progress but sad for my friends or dumb influential peers who are still acting like annoying people to me.
Basically, the material that gets me to cuss in my personal daily walk is anything that I remember whether it was out of my hands or not and can be interpreted as embarrassing. It's that simple for me. I basically sucked and think that's embarrassing so I'm cussing away once a week sometimes. One of the things that's helped me to relieve this situation to cussing to past memories of being embarrassed is to just accept it and then laugh about my silly behaviors. Another thing is to just will myself to improve at whatever I want to do. It's pretty bad that I don't have a wife to indulge my sexual desires in, so it's been equally bad to try to substitute practicing love-making techniques all from just masturbation and watching porn.
Basically turning to Jesus and also praying about it helps out and choosing to honor the Lord from living in peace and joy from being filled by God's Holy Spirit is so wonderful! Overall, my kryptonite has been pride and resenting personal embarrassment.
I remember being liked by some cool kids. I was like what the heck! I had that competitive drive and feelings of not accepting defeat and just pushing forward. What was bad is that I loved being lazy from watching cartoons back then. I still like to on occasion, but the animated films I watch now are much more darker or sexier. I also like very funny shows too which is hard to get away from watching at times.
One of the things that I've noticed is that I'm so hard on myself and worried about how others might feel the same way with me. Another connection I've made is that when a person unfriended me on Facebook, later on I found out that dude can be such an annoying dork so he did me a favor of not wanting to bug me by removing me as a friend!
I really do want to get my priorities straightened out, so with the seven things I have in mind of doing, I'm going to have to make a "battle plan" for each one and then self-monitor myself through commitment to get there. This is all rooted on organizing my desires, so it only would make sense that I find methods of something I love doing to be happy and successful! One of the biggest observations I can confirm right now is that I was liked in general as a kid by nearly everybody because I was so hardworking in order to get straight A's and also tried to be always nice.
A kid had some issues with me and it really did screw me up emotionally, but I figure he just wanted to be a pest from being selfish about not wanting to let go of something and verbally attacking me about it. When I've been that way to others, I was trying to be nice about it but the people responded back rudely with me nearly every time. I could have gone off crazy with them which I did in college with about three individuals total and they were about two guys and a girl. I'm not really that much in contact with them any longer. I ended up being cool with them after lashing out several times. What I've noticed is that the people who were jerks with me and I was the same way to them to bother them back continuously, I stopped trying to lash out at them. The moment I showed a little sign of doing that- they made an annoying attack on my character from becoming insecure. They thought they were in control of everything, but in fact, it was always centered on me and I was working on myself through these valuable moments of learning. This is an area that I myself have done some work on and I've made some significant improvements lately and I'm really glad to be making progress but sad for my friends or dumb influential peers who are still acting like annoying people to me.
Monday, March 12, 2018
Just Thinking
I was just thinking what it would be like to have a gay son and so I'm skipping imagining about having a gay daughter too. It played just like a movie with a likely scenario of my imaginary and "handsome" son getting it on secretly with his partner when I said I don't approve of it. I hope to God that I don't have to deal with something like that!
In the same fashion, I might want to overlook a heterosexual son scoring a very pretty lady and fornicating, but I honestly would tell him that's wrong too! Well, I am still living as a celibate right now so he should do the same !!!
Hmm, basically time's a wasting and gotta focus on the important stuff! "Ehh? Yep, yup, yeah... uh huh." Here's my secret to being successful with my current relationships and being like so peaceful with all my friends: "accept the truth." What feels a bit extra is how I'm trying to honor God by living out His two greatest commandments to be abiding by His "grrr- rate" [Tony the Tiger's catchphrase] laws.
Choosing to love the dummy Lee and Annie and Washington and pretty-messed-up-in-the-head Betty and paranoid-while-being-drama-queen-like Michelle and a lesbian who goes by the name Paola (pronounced Paula? who cares), and all the dumb brats who unfriended me on Facebook, and sock-them-in-the-face Chris and Jarred duo, and goofy-brat Golf, and going-to-tickle-to-death "Baahhh", and not-that-chill-car-salesman-for-occupation pastor Chai (whoa (!), maybe red flag) and those-lucky-I-forgot person; yeah, I have to love them all because of the love of Jesus inside of me who compels me. It's an amen to that to wrap this up!
In the same fashion, I might want to overlook a heterosexual son scoring a very pretty lady and fornicating, but I honestly would tell him that's wrong too! Well, I am still living as a celibate right now so he should do the same !!!
Hmm, basically time's a wasting and gotta focus on the important stuff! "Ehh? Yep, yup, yeah... uh huh." Here's my secret to being successful with my current relationships and being like so peaceful with all my friends: "accept the truth." What feels a bit extra is how I'm trying to honor God by living out His two greatest commandments to be abiding by His "grrr- rate" [Tony the Tiger's catchphrase] laws.
Choosing to love the dummy Lee and Annie and Washington and pretty-messed-up-in-the-head Betty and paranoid-while-being-drama-queen-like Michelle and a lesbian who goes by the name Paola (pronounced Paula? who cares), and all the dumb brats who unfriended me on Facebook, and sock-them-in-the-face Chris and Jarred duo, and goofy-brat Golf, and going-to-tickle-to-death "Baahhh", and not-that-chill-car-salesman-for-occupation pastor Chai (whoa (!), maybe red flag) and those-lucky-I-forgot person; yeah, I have to love them all because of the love of Jesus inside of me who compels me. It's an amen to that to wrap this up!
Sunday, March 11, 2018
Rags to Riches Approach-Part One
I think one of the biggest keys for me to be on top of things is going to have to be self-aware of what I'm getting myself into. For the most part, I'm pretty self-aware that I'm living as a celibate right now. It's interesting because I thought I should join an asexual group and then I found one of the members there sexually attractive, so I guess I'm not really asexual then and just choosing to live this life to again honor the Lord Himself.
Okay, so I'm living this celibate life and doing well at it so far just that I'm saying curse words thinking about a past acquaintance. I'm not going to mention names, ahem, Annie from that old church- errr, I already made my peace with her the last time I surprisingly saw her. She was all smiles and I just want to just smack her right now, but that would be wrong even imagining it. Okay, I choose to love Annie too now even though I want to be uncomfortable blurting out the F word with no one around. This is bad because this is definitely not the Christian way- more or less, I have a super tight habit of not doing this around anyone so if anyone secretly placed a listening device at my place for some random reason or in my car, then he or she might hear me swearing all over the neighborhood when I'm by myself and think no one is listening to me. Well God's angels are probably shaking their heads and the devil's minions could be having a good kick out of it. I should seriously repent of this secret activity and honor it for the Lord again!
You know, I think I'll add on another challenge just for kicks in addition to being already a celibate and succeeding on my fifth day, I think. I already lost count and don't want to stress the days now. It's going to be awhile and maybe I won't ever even be ready to marry a sexy Christian lady whose into that spousal "love ya" stuff, but I'll trust in the Lord for that area. I'm going to not swear while all by myself and not even think it when I'm flashing back to the time of how I let someone like Annie T Seude (don't know how it's spelled and who cares) conditioned me to blurt out swear words while I'm around no one whenever something reminds me of her for no reason. Err, I just filtered out another swear word in my head. Man, it felt good while I let that word flow out of my mind and not enter my tongue. I mean I wanted to say it, but the swear word had "God" in there if you know what I mean so I felt bad right there in my head.
Okay, so I'm living this celibate life and doing well at it so far just that I'm saying curse words thinking about a past acquaintance. I'm not going to mention names, ahem, Annie from that old church- errr, I already made my peace with her the last time I surprisingly saw her. She was all smiles and I just want to just smack her right now, but that would be wrong even imagining it. Okay, I choose to love Annie too now even though I want to be uncomfortable blurting out the F word with no one around. This is bad because this is definitely not the Christian way- more or less, I have a super tight habit of not doing this around anyone so if anyone secretly placed a listening device at my place for some random reason or in my car, then he or she might hear me swearing all over the neighborhood when I'm by myself and think no one is listening to me. Well God's angels are probably shaking their heads and the devil's minions could be having a good kick out of it. I should seriously repent of this secret activity and honor it for the Lord again!
You know, I think I'll add on another challenge just for kicks in addition to being already a celibate and succeeding on my fifth day, I think. I already lost count and don't want to stress the days now. It's going to be awhile and maybe I won't ever even be ready to marry a sexy Christian lady whose into that spousal "love ya" stuff, but I'll trust in the Lord for that area. I'm going to not swear while all by myself and not even think it when I'm flashing back to the time of how I let someone like Annie T Seude (don't know how it's spelled and who cares) conditioned me to blurt out swear words while I'm around no one whenever something reminds me of her for no reason. Err, I just filtered out another swear word in my head. Man, it felt good while I let that word flow out of my mind and not enter my tongue. I mean I wanted to say it, but the swear word had "God" in there if you know what I mean so I felt bad right there in my head.
Rags to Riches Approach-Part Two
This is probably the first time that I'm intentionally holding back a post to try to look smart because I'm making two posts on the same day. It would figure that "Part One" should come first so I'm posting "Part Two" first on this blog so it looks like I did it like that. It must be pretty interesting in a funny and weird way right?
Okay, If I still have your attention and not confusing brainy souls out there then let's talk about how I'm going to play a little cash game poker with the lowest limits in the game that it could provide and try to build it to the highest table and make a small living off of it on my free time. Wouldn't that be exciting and cool? For most people, it's whatever and never even imagined gambling like that so it's not worth trying. I can see how there's some skill involved there because if you logically have a strong hand and the other player doesn't seem to be acting confident from the low amount that they are trying to bet to get you off a hand, then probably 90% of the time is a good number to win some cash from your opponent's wallet!
Another rags to riches approach from aside to playing online poker and I'm just doing fast paced poker for money; don't ask me how I got started because the research is waiting for you by typing online poker sites on Google and being rejected by like almost all of them because you are a U.S. citizen and not eligible. I suggest you go from there and yeah, I'm playing for real money on a poker site. I'm not saying how but it's on Google even though all of them will try to reject you for playing for real money. Try it, if you are interested!
Furthermore, aside from not trying to cuss anymore it's diggity diggity cool and yeah that didn't help my funny mind from trying to sarcastically say a bad word. Man, this is harder than I thought. I could use some healing in here. I'm really going to have a harder time not trying to say bad words now rather than being a celibate.
Okay, so with the Forex market, I also plan to make some cool trades on there and start from rags to riches approach, too. Being a swing trader is fun and risky to some, but it's cool for my personality to make some money.
Okay, If I still have your attention and not confusing brainy souls out there then let's talk about how I'm going to play a little cash game poker with the lowest limits in the game that it could provide and try to build it to the highest table and make a small living off of it on my free time. Wouldn't that be exciting and cool? For most people, it's whatever and never even imagined gambling like that so it's not worth trying. I can see how there's some skill involved there because if you logically have a strong hand and the other player doesn't seem to be acting confident from the low amount that they are trying to bet to get you off a hand, then probably 90% of the time is a good number to win some cash from your opponent's wallet!
Another rags to riches approach from aside to playing online poker and I'm just doing fast paced poker for money; don't ask me how I got started because the research is waiting for you by typing online poker sites on Google and being rejected by like almost all of them because you are a U.S. citizen and not eligible. I suggest you go from there and yeah, I'm playing for real money on a poker site. I'm not saying how but it's on Google even though all of them will try to reject you for playing for real money. Try it, if you are interested!
Furthermore, aside from not trying to cuss anymore it's diggity diggity cool and yeah that didn't help my funny mind from trying to sarcastically say a bad word. Man, this is harder than I thought. I could use some healing in here. I'm really going to have a harder time not trying to say bad words now rather than being a celibate.
Okay, so with the Forex market, I also plan to make some cool trades on there and start from rags to riches approach, too. Being a swing trader is fun and risky to some, but it's cool for my personality to make some money.
Friday, March 9, 2018
Prioritizing
I'm on Day 3 of celibacy. It's actually not that hard for me to maintain this. It's just my pride or insecurity that gets me to fail. I think I would like to choose to honor the Lord by making this choice. It will be something like saving myself for marriage and if I'm forever never going to be ready to marry a beautiful lady, then I will still trust in Jesus to lead me where he wants me to go.
The solution to all my worries and troubles really is coming to Jesus. Living under the joy of the Lord is amazing. Now I need to figure out what I want to do and go about getting them done. Having fun is only going to prolong my responsibilities so I would love to be finished with those first.
The solution to all my worries and troubles really is coming to Jesus. Living under the joy of the Lord is amazing. Now I need to figure out what I want to do and go about getting them done. Having fun is only going to prolong my responsibilities so I would love to be finished with those first.
Thursday, March 8, 2018
Further Effort
To add to my effort with being celibate, I can struggle all I want but it's going to be my prideful attitude of how I could do it anytime that would probably cause me to throw it away at any given time. I'm going to add an extra challenge which could mean my downfall. It's a really personal one and that's not willing myself to look at stuff with the intent of appeasing my sexual curiosity and this will mainly deal with not giving into my heart's intention of admiring female's fully nude bodies from looking at pictures or movies or even trying to have fun memorizing how some women's large breasts look. How they compare to like my sister is off the charts and she was so mad when I admitted that I look at that stuff sometimes and she would be too ugly to even do something like that as an actress. I think she would be accepting of it now and judge me as being a typical boy who sees her like she is because I'm her brother.
I'm not ready to settle down and I think the main reason is that I still don't feel completed. A few of the things I would love to acquire is to feel like I have plenty of time to raise a family and to even have a comfortable place to live which I could share with a lovely woman willing to marry me and who I grow very fond of and attached to.
In the mean time, after my first day of living as a celibate and it being done perfectly, I'm already doubting have made this decision. This is where I go about changing directions to masturbating to porn that I'm not really addicted to but interested in just learning sexual techniques to pleasure a lady. I always feel weird after ejaculating though and then again, this is probably my main reason that I don't want to masturbate in the first place!
Being a celibate for me is easy. I've been a virgin all these years and haven't chased after women just for sex and I had opportunities too. Those women actually scared me away! The masturbating part is something that's just too weird for me and I should get back to considering it again but then again I wouldn't have to if I had a sexual wife to begin with. This is hard for me because I'm afraid of sexual women too even though I want one; I don't want to catch a sexual disease.
I'm not ready to settle down and I think the main reason is that I still don't feel completed. A few of the things I would love to acquire is to feel like I have plenty of time to raise a family and to even have a comfortable place to live which I could share with a lovely woman willing to marry me and who I grow very fond of and attached to.
In the mean time, after my first day of living as a celibate and it being done perfectly, I'm already doubting have made this decision. This is where I go about changing directions to masturbating to porn that I'm not really addicted to but interested in just learning sexual techniques to pleasure a lady. I always feel weird after ejaculating though and then again, this is probably my main reason that I don't want to masturbate in the first place!
Being a celibate for me is easy. I've been a virgin all these years and haven't chased after women just for sex and I had opportunities too. Those women actually scared me away! The masturbating part is something that's just too weird for me and I should get back to considering it again but then again I wouldn't have to if I had a sexual wife to begin with. This is hard for me because I'm afraid of sexual women too even though I want one; I don't want to catch a sexual disease.
Day 1 of Celibacy
It was obviously easy for me because I had things to keep me busy. Also I went to take a yoga class and there were a lot of great looking female bodies to view especially the teacher's. Just check out her poses, and they were filled with so much energy and it's inspiring in a way to want to surpass her especially from being a guy.
I even saw a few other women there with revealing work out clothes, and I was just thinking to myself, it's the way it is. I honestly didn't care looking at them, and I just couldn't come to think how sleeping with them would even make a difference at this point. It felt like a hassle because of the consequences or responsibilities that could follow after. I think I would like to feel security and have trust in my own loyal spouse and then go for enjoying all of that recreational sex!
Anyways being a dedicated celibate for only one day now was easy. This was right after masturbating to porn the day before I made this choice. It's because I chose to accept my own defeat that I'm not good enough naturally to be a sexual lover. Practicing by myself and using only things in theory from what I pick up from reading other people's experiences, it's actually pretty weird to prepare from looking at porn and masturbating to these sex-crazed individuals while not lusting after them.
I can say that it's easy for me to get out of a porn addiction so coming in and out of it like once every few weeks to months on average, I'd say that I would love to enjoy pleasuring my very own wife now from not being satisfied enough engaging in masturbation. It was just from chasing after something dealing with my personal pride that caused me to go in this direction. I was still nice to the ladies and everybody else though, except for a few who I messaged with a brutally honest but negative critique about them. Yeah, they had that coming and I'm laughing about it because it really doesn't matter to begin with, but it's this principle that I feel they aren't connecting with which causes me to feel frustrations. They just suck period and don't want to make the effort to change, so it's not really my business to see them through and that I should focus more on fixing myself after noticing how those people sucked. I don't think those people will be comfortable anymore coming after me over something that isn't black and white with breaking the law now. I can easily point out how they could be messed up individuals and even with others around them and that could translate to negativity to them and something they would want to run away from with their own selves. Also, I can set up all of this to happen in one natural flow by attacking what they are coming after me about and this time, I'm going to have to research up on the law or be close enough to that and then just attack their principle while also attacking their character and overshadowing them with a full blow, if I feel that fire they are wrong about something and do it out of bravery because I might be losing a friend and have a hard time making peace with them during the recovery stages.
So yeah, I'm actually a pretty bright individual and people who tried to antagonize me over trivial stuff with me even wrote to me or said to me in person that I'm very smart. Those people became frustrated and I dealt with them by writing to them and they are just forced to move on with it now. I can see how I can argue for my case and be looked upon favorably while going for making it look it's not actually black and white through clear hard facts and talk about how they are being crazy or negative and attack their character while justifying it with facts and then coach them on the spot with how to be a better person. It will annoy them for sure and also hurt them a lot if others are around so it's a weapon of defense I could use as an offense over something that bothered me over the past. I really don't care because it's not hard to get over, but I'm spotting something that they are doing wrong and I can deal with them being uncomfortable with me and letting out their frustrations with me now. They obviously don't want to be put in that situation, but I could do it while pointing out how stupid they were and that I'm making them pay for it and to say that they should keep on acting that way, which will probably scare them away from me in advising my own personal problems. I would find relaxation without them being annoying to me, but how I could be that way to them then for laughs. Basically, it's let everything out with full on honesty and be ready to defend yourself physically and to tell them that they aren't being loving people in the end, so they should spend some time off reassessing themselves or acquire counseling over this matter but don't conspire revenge or anything like that with their supporter because I'm ready to turn the page. I naturally love to work on myself even while stuff like this annoys me and to be a great guy to the best of my ability.
I even saw a few other women there with revealing work out clothes, and I was just thinking to myself, it's the way it is. I honestly didn't care looking at them, and I just couldn't come to think how sleeping with them would even make a difference at this point. It felt like a hassle because of the consequences or responsibilities that could follow after. I think I would like to feel security and have trust in my own loyal spouse and then go for enjoying all of that recreational sex!
Anyways being a dedicated celibate for only one day now was easy. This was right after masturbating to porn the day before I made this choice. It's because I chose to accept my own defeat that I'm not good enough naturally to be a sexual lover. Practicing by myself and using only things in theory from what I pick up from reading other people's experiences, it's actually pretty weird to prepare from looking at porn and masturbating to these sex-crazed individuals while not lusting after them.
I can say that it's easy for me to get out of a porn addiction so coming in and out of it like once every few weeks to months on average, I'd say that I would love to enjoy pleasuring my very own wife now from not being satisfied enough engaging in masturbation. It was just from chasing after something dealing with my personal pride that caused me to go in this direction. I was still nice to the ladies and everybody else though, except for a few who I messaged with a brutally honest but negative critique about them. Yeah, they had that coming and I'm laughing about it because it really doesn't matter to begin with, but it's this principle that I feel they aren't connecting with which causes me to feel frustrations. They just suck period and don't want to make the effort to change, so it's not really my business to see them through and that I should focus more on fixing myself after noticing how those people sucked. I don't think those people will be comfortable anymore coming after me over something that isn't black and white with breaking the law now. I can easily point out how they could be messed up individuals and even with others around them and that could translate to negativity to them and something they would want to run away from with their own selves. Also, I can set up all of this to happen in one natural flow by attacking what they are coming after me about and this time, I'm going to have to research up on the law or be close enough to that and then just attack their principle while also attacking their character and overshadowing them with a full blow, if I feel that fire they are wrong about something and do it out of bravery because I might be losing a friend and have a hard time making peace with them during the recovery stages.
So yeah, I'm actually a pretty bright individual and people who tried to antagonize me over trivial stuff with me even wrote to me or said to me in person that I'm very smart. Those people became frustrated and I dealt with them by writing to them and they are just forced to move on with it now. I can see how I can argue for my case and be looked upon favorably while going for making it look it's not actually black and white through clear hard facts and talk about how they are being crazy or negative and attack their character while justifying it with facts and then coach them on the spot with how to be a better person. It will annoy them for sure and also hurt them a lot if others are around so it's a weapon of defense I could use as an offense over something that bothered me over the past. I really don't care because it's not hard to get over, but I'm spotting something that they are doing wrong and I can deal with them being uncomfortable with me and letting out their frustrations with me now. They obviously don't want to be put in that situation, but I could do it while pointing out how stupid they were and that I'm making them pay for it and to say that they should keep on acting that way, which will probably scare them away from me in advising my own personal problems. I would find relaxation without them being annoying to me, but how I could be that way to them then for laughs. Basically, it's let everything out with full on honesty and be ready to defend yourself physically and to tell them that they aren't being loving people in the end, so they should spend some time off reassessing themselves or acquire counseling over this matter but don't conspire revenge or anything like that with their supporter because I'm ready to turn the page. I naturally love to work on myself even while stuff like this annoys me and to be a great guy to the best of my ability.
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
Turning It Around
Well this is going to be hard- I'm going to be furthering myself with practicing celibacy while being single. This will mean no engaging in fornication nor masturbation. I guess I'm not going to be able to help it if I feel sexually aroused, but I would love to practice self-control and not turn to masturbating to porn. The way I feel I can accomplish this is to turn my life around all for Jesus.
This means that I'm going to have to accept a drop in my personal ego and admit defeat with some areas that I want to pride myself in getting better. One of the things I want to be great at is being able to sexually please the woman who I end up marrying and lasting long enough for her to enjoy it. The thought of that actually wants me to keep going back to practice more with masturbation! I really should just let it go and admit personal defeat from being humble. I don't even have that temptation yet with a girl because I haven't really madly fallen in love with anyone.
I think I also need to start making the effort to plug myself into the tasks I personally analyzed and wrote out. I should just give it a chance and see how it goes before I decide to boot it again later on. So basically, I'm looking to do:
personal hygiene
trade or trade-related programming
cook
work out
plan social events and go to them
editing photos and videos for social media
I'm going to need to just be completely dedicated to make this happen daily.
This means that I'm going to have to accept a drop in my personal ego and admit defeat with some areas that I want to pride myself in getting better. One of the things I want to be great at is being able to sexually please the woman who I end up marrying and lasting long enough for her to enjoy it. The thought of that actually wants me to keep going back to practice more with masturbation! I really should just let it go and admit personal defeat from being humble. I don't even have that temptation yet with a girl because I haven't really madly fallen in love with anyone.
I think I also need to start making the effort to plug myself into the tasks I personally analyzed and wrote out. I should just give it a chance and see how it goes before I decide to boot it again later on. So basically, I'm looking to do:
personal hygiene
trade or trade-related programming
cook
work out
plan social events and go to them
editing photos and videos for social media
I'm going to need to just be completely dedicated to make this happen daily.
Reading Bible
What am I really seeking after in life? I think deep down inside there's this part of me that's very crazy and wants recognition from everybody, but at same time it scares the living daylights out of me. It's a pain-in-the-neck feeling. I think I want to will myself and draw near to God's spirit through the Lord Jesus and help from the Holy Spirit.
There's really nothing I can do about my sinful nature except just give myself over to King Jesus and let him transform me into the person he wants me to be. This person that I believe Jesus wants me to be is a hard worker and content person with everything he has. I'm speaking for myself in the third person, which is funny.
There's mainly one vice for me I believe that limit me from doing much: occasionally zoning out by watching something for entertainment. What I'm choosing to view is probably not the best environment for me to be sucked into because I'm not even going to thrive in it.
What is it that I'm really looking for in this lifetime? Currently, I'm looking to break away from living with my parents and finding a better place to live while being financially well off and having an incredibly healthy body with capacity to still contribute something. I guess I want to be one of those successful people and be personally happy about it. It doesn't really hurt to be considered lucky then because of it.
There's really nothing I can do about my sinful nature except just give myself over to King Jesus and let him transform me into the person he wants me to be. This person that I believe Jesus wants me to be is a hard worker and content person with everything he has. I'm speaking for myself in the third person, which is funny.
There's mainly one vice for me I believe that limit me from doing much: occasionally zoning out by watching something for entertainment. What I'm choosing to view is probably not the best environment for me to be sucked into because I'm not even going to thrive in it.
What is it that I'm really looking for in this lifetime? Currently, I'm looking to break away from living with my parents and finding a better place to live while being financially well off and having an incredibly healthy body with capacity to still contribute something. I guess I want to be one of those successful people and be personally happy about it. It doesn't really hurt to be considered lucky then because of it.
Strong Dedication to Living for the Lord
I believe there's really nothing more powerful than coming to a faith-based relationship with God. Surely, finding this peaceful rest out of joys from being in the Word and to live it out with certainty and stay in worship of the Lord fulfills purpose. The Bible mentions about God being the author and finisher of our faith.
Just by turning over things that annoy me daily to the Lord, I'm able to find this spiritual courage to keep on going and work hard to earn a decent living. I'm crediting all of my diligence with being productive in the work force to God! I'm really excited to be set free over my misery to being bonded by something silly like a crazy girl named Lee trying to force me to stay out of her church permanently. It didn't work for her, and I even managed to put up one of those rare reviews too about Hope of God Church in Los Angeles and it's a one star negative review. I think Oyuri tried to get my review banned but it managed to stay on there. I even chose the laugh vote for all the others that sounded positive. Lee and Oyuri even took down their profile pictures too, so it looks like they were brought to shame from supporting what's now a lost cause!
Looking back, Lee and Oyuri really didn't have a stable mind while thinking I was crazy. However, it went away from them and they were wrong. Oh how glad I am that they were wrong. My abilities must have some potential if they were willing to take it that far with me in trying to get me to stay kicked out of their church.
Maybe this could have even been an attack by one of the devil's minions! Here I am still- a Christ-centered believer and still feeling I could keep growing stronger from staying in the Word. From those two greatest commandments in the Bible, I can see that Lee and Oyuri didn't really live up to them with me. Their failure is common like mine; they probably thought it was too little to take seriously, but asking myself if they were being loving towards me over this incident and their actions, then no they fell short. They transgressed against God, and I don't really know if Oyuri is even a Christian at this point. They will have their moment with God someday, but for now, I choose to forgive and think things will be alright for them.
I think Lee for the better part was a misguided sheep, but was trying to mean well. She was just bad though and that annoyed me like crazy too, but I never really did take it out on her in person. I sent her some truthful messages that were filled with my frustrations and ridicule and it felt good. It did help block out my anger issues for awhile and had me personally laughing at her in private. Yet, I feel compelled to still love her and that's how it's going to be. It's all because of my faith in living for Christ. I'm not chasing after Lee's hand in marriage though and maybe, another dumb guy already beat me to it already. I don't know what's so attractive about Lee honestly, except for her sounding annoying and pretentious at times. It's okay because she's just nice in a weird way with her eccentric church doctrine that really can contradict Scriptures as well. I don't think she really knows the Bible along with her pastor there because they acted like they knew enough about it and that's when the red flag sets itself up to begin with.
Just by turning over things that annoy me daily to the Lord, I'm able to find this spiritual courage to keep on going and work hard to earn a decent living. I'm crediting all of my diligence with being productive in the work force to God! I'm really excited to be set free over my misery to being bonded by something silly like a crazy girl named Lee trying to force me to stay out of her church permanently. It didn't work for her, and I even managed to put up one of those rare reviews too about Hope of God Church in Los Angeles and it's a one star negative review. I think Oyuri tried to get my review banned but it managed to stay on there. I even chose the laugh vote for all the others that sounded positive. Lee and Oyuri even took down their profile pictures too, so it looks like they were brought to shame from supporting what's now a lost cause!
Looking back, Lee and Oyuri really didn't have a stable mind while thinking I was crazy. However, it went away from them and they were wrong. Oh how glad I am that they were wrong. My abilities must have some potential if they were willing to take it that far with me in trying to get me to stay kicked out of their church.
Maybe this could have even been an attack by one of the devil's minions! Here I am still- a Christ-centered believer and still feeling I could keep growing stronger from staying in the Word. From those two greatest commandments in the Bible, I can see that Lee and Oyuri didn't really live up to them with me. Their failure is common like mine; they probably thought it was too little to take seriously, but asking myself if they were being loving towards me over this incident and their actions, then no they fell short. They transgressed against God, and I don't really know if Oyuri is even a Christian at this point. They will have their moment with God someday, but for now, I choose to forgive and think things will be alright for them.
I think Lee for the better part was a misguided sheep, but was trying to mean well. She was just bad though and that annoyed me like crazy too, but I never really did take it out on her in person. I sent her some truthful messages that were filled with my frustrations and ridicule and it felt good. It did help block out my anger issues for awhile and had me personally laughing at her in private. Yet, I feel compelled to still love her and that's how it's going to be. It's all because of my faith in living for Christ. I'm not chasing after Lee's hand in marriage though and maybe, another dumb guy already beat me to it already. I don't know what's so attractive about Lee honestly, except for her sounding annoying and pretentious at times. It's okay because she's just nice in a weird way with her eccentric church doctrine that really can contradict Scriptures as well. I don't think she really knows the Bible along with her pastor there because they acted like they knew enough about it and that's when the red flag sets itself up to begin with.
Jesus First Mentality
Honestly, it's pretty crazy from how I've been living for myself all this time, the answer to all of my problems is really to turn to Jesus! Matthew 11:28 says that Jesus will give you rest. There's really no such thing as it being too little to also not let God deal with it. This is one of my major faults that kept me from getting closer to figuring out the truth.
God commands us with over 600 laws in the Bible! However, Jesus was able to sum it up by referring to the two greatest commandments. It's to love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. Secondly, it's to do the same for everyone. It means that from obeying these two commandments, you are abiding by everything God commands us with. It's lovely but hard to do right?
This gets me thinking now that everything I do, even while I'm in and over myself while raging and thinking about how to get even with dumb people like Lee and another guy who was just being full of himself at that time, I still need to be loving with them because of the love of Jesus in me. Just from being straight up honest with them, it makes a lot easier to spill the truth out of wanting to be loving.
It's also easy to conclude and reveal to everybody that Lee and the other weird dude were not about being a loving person because they were selfishly holding onto a view and refusing to let it go especially over a situation that doesn't even matter. Just speaking the truth, I'm human too and want to do the same back at them, but because of Christ's love for me, I have to tell them that it's right in God's eyes to still be loving towards them while they are acting stupid with me for awhile!
I have this joy when I'm living in the spirit of the God. Yet, I believe my gifts are not meant for me to go into ministry.
God commands us with over 600 laws in the Bible! However, Jesus was able to sum it up by referring to the two greatest commandments. It's to love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. Secondly, it's to do the same for everyone. It means that from obeying these two commandments, you are abiding by everything God commands us with. It's lovely but hard to do right?
This gets me thinking now that everything I do, even while I'm in and over myself while raging and thinking about how to get even with dumb people like Lee and another guy who was just being full of himself at that time, I still need to be loving with them because of the love of Jesus in me. Just from being straight up honest with them, it makes a lot easier to spill the truth out of wanting to be loving.
It's also easy to conclude and reveal to everybody that Lee and the other weird dude were not about being a loving person because they were selfishly holding onto a view and refusing to let it go especially over a situation that doesn't even matter. Just speaking the truth, I'm human too and want to do the same back at them, but because of Christ's love for me, I have to tell them that it's right in God's eyes to still be loving towards them while they are acting stupid with me for awhile!
I have this joy when I'm living in the spirit of the God. Yet, I believe my gifts are not meant for me to go into ministry.
Friday, March 2, 2018
Carrying Consistency
It looks like my Hot Cheetos eating days are going to need to stop because that's all I do when I get back from work. Sometimes, I just turn on the TV to let myself be depressed from watching high-flying athletes dunk on each other and then high-five their teammates; there's nothing wrong with that, of course. I'm starting to just not care so much about my phobia of being productive. I think I'm going to start timing myself to see if I can improve with getting ready each morning. I do like twenty things to myself to get ready. Let's count them off- one by one as I still remember:
1. Get up.
2. Turn off the alarm.
3. Sometimes sleep about five more minutes and then forget to wake up.
4. Wake up and stand around.
5. Go to the bathroom and take my time sitting there for like 10 minutes.
6. Man, that's gross. Take a shower and clean myself.
7. Wet my face with hot water.
8. Put on shaving cream.
9. Shave.
10. Wash my face with cold water.
11. Rinse with a facial soap.
12. Put some stinging toner on my face using a cosmetic pad.
13. Use another girl product and apply some lotion made out of essential vitamins for the skin.
14. Mix those lotions together and apply all around my face.
15. Put on some sun block.
16. Use a laser band on my hair to try to stimulate growth.
17. If I don't forget, brush my teeth first with an electric toothbrush and paste.
18. If I don't forget, floss my teeth with that water flosser product and clean my teeth some more to remove plague.
19. Rinse my mouth with teeth hardening mouthwash.
20. After brushing my teeth first which wets my face or doing after putting on those girl products that shouldn't be wet by water, spray my hair with cleaning enzyme.
21. Put on some hair spray.
22. Add some 5% monoxidil (hair growing formula).
23. Change into some new clothes.
24. Pack everything for work.
25. Leave house.
26. Get to work and fly through traffic.
27. Etc. etc. etc. fall asleep at work once in a blue moon and then wake up with natural caffeine!
So this is about my 20 tasks I do every morning. It only like takes me 2 hours to get ready each morning! I want to bring it down to 90 minutes if possible.
1. Get up.
2. Turn off the alarm.
3. Sometimes sleep about five more minutes and then forget to wake up.
4. Wake up and stand around.
5. Go to the bathroom and take my time sitting there for like 10 minutes.
6. Man, that's gross. Take a shower and clean myself.
7. Wet my face with hot water.
8. Put on shaving cream.
9. Shave.
10. Wash my face with cold water.
11. Rinse with a facial soap.
12. Put some stinging toner on my face using a cosmetic pad.
13. Use another girl product and apply some lotion made out of essential vitamins for the skin.
14. Mix those lotions together and apply all around my face.
15. Put on some sun block.
16. Use a laser band on my hair to try to stimulate growth.
17. If I don't forget, brush my teeth first with an electric toothbrush and paste.
18. If I don't forget, floss my teeth with that water flosser product and clean my teeth some more to remove plague.
19. Rinse my mouth with teeth hardening mouthwash.
20. After brushing my teeth first which wets my face or doing after putting on those girl products that shouldn't be wet by water, spray my hair with cleaning enzyme.
21. Put on some hair spray.
22. Add some 5% monoxidil (hair growing formula).
23. Change into some new clothes.
24. Pack everything for work.
25. Leave house.
26. Get to work and fly through traffic.
27. Etc. etc. etc. fall asleep at work once in a blue moon and then wake up with natural caffeine!
So this is about my 20 tasks I do every morning. It only like takes me 2 hours to get ready each morning! I want to bring it down to 90 minutes if possible.
Thursday, March 1, 2018
Fully Committed
First off, I'm going on record to bluntly state that everyone who I have ever met and made the decision to not add me on Facebook when I desired it or deleted me to never add me again if I ever found out about it lost! I find that to be funny now and whatever argument they had going with their own fleshy and selfish desire isn't that serious to begin with. If I ever feel totally overwhelmed to be a wacko with Lee again, the dumb lady who put a restraining order on me, I'm really going to make fun of her this time around while arguing with her and just not caring anymore while still loving her for who she is. It's a tough commitment to love, but hey I'm not sexually interested in her and if she wants to make claims like that, I've heard guys saying girls will tell just the opposite, so Lee should just be quiet in the areas of sexuality with me and let me say that I'm not indeed that turned on by her!
I choose to love stupid Lee and her dumb anger issues that I don't care about anymore. I choose to love the horrible and "stench-y" Oyuri too. Man, I really want to hate on her so bad but because of the love of Jesus in me, I'm going to commit to loving Oyuri. I'm just going to bash her using my honest tongue for pleasure then, but still love her! Hey, it's just life and committing to staying a focused individual is fun and important to me.
I haven't been that great at staying focused, but man it's been fun to personally laugh about all the stupid things I put myself through and to also be aggravated by them sometimes and mentally work to find a solution to them. One of the most important things is to find happiness, and I guess if I'm so selfish and can't handle it whenever, I'm just going to put myself through some unnecessary effort to get something that's not really needed for me anyway. I don't really need a person who doesn't like me to add me on Facebook to find true happiness and success. I just want to do it out of humor and from the generous feeling in my heart and just annoy the heck out of them and be ready to shout at them and make fun of their insubordination with me. I'm actually being greedy about it and it really isn't something that bad to argue because I can state it's good while yelling at them and causing them to cover their ears, if they want to lose their cool with me and then taking charge to force them to never do that again and just going all over the place with them in person and be saying something like, I'm the one that's going to make you happy by letting you go and see you later in front of everybody who is there.
I'm actually pretty under-rated at arguing with this stuff and haven't used it because I've always wanted something where the stars align and we just got along happily. Maybe those people have something that just doesn't match with me, so in the end, I'm not really fulfilling my true desires but just prolonging them from wasting time.
It's probably a stupid question then to ask people why they can't do something for me. I think the only reason why people would do that is just to bother them when they are trying to lead you on something and you don't feel comfortable with them. I think I'll just give them a warning that I am going to fully commit and annoy the heck out of them and tell them that I will say that I told you so later on while they are trying to deal with me and tell them my own opinion and force it into them because they want to do that to me and go for taking them down. I'll just repeat it and finish it through to get what I want, which isn't going to matter in the end anyway and just be honest about everything while actually loving them as a person. I'll just tell them it's tough love or something and that I have this feeling of goodness of just getting along while also shouting at them because I'm this little happy kid inside from working at managing a fun relationship even with all of the ups and downs.
I choose to love stupid Lee and her dumb anger issues that I don't care about anymore. I choose to love the horrible and "stench-y" Oyuri too. Man, I really want to hate on her so bad but because of the love of Jesus in me, I'm going to commit to loving Oyuri. I'm just going to bash her using my honest tongue for pleasure then, but still love her! Hey, it's just life and committing to staying a focused individual is fun and important to me.
I haven't been that great at staying focused, but man it's been fun to personally laugh about all the stupid things I put myself through and to also be aggravated by them sometimes and mentally work to find a solution to them. One of the most important things is to find happiness, and I guess if I'm so selfish and can't handle it whenever, I'm just going to put myself through some unnecessary effort to get something that's not really needed for me anyway. I don't really need a person who doesn't like me to add me on Facebook to find true happiness and success. I just want to do it out of humor and from the generous feeling in my heart and just annoy the heck out of them and be ready to shout at them and make fun of their insubordination with me. I'm actually being greedy about it and it really isn't something that bad to argue because I can state it's good while yelling at them and causing them to cover their ears, if they want to lose their cool with me and then taking charge to force them to never do that again and just going all over the place with them in person and be saying something like, I'm the one that's going to make you happy by letting you go and see you later in front of everybody who is there.
I'm actually pretty under-rated at arguing with this stuff and haven't used it because I've always wanted something where the stars align and we just got along happily. Maybe those people have something that just doesn't match with me, so in the end, I'm not really fulfilling my true desires but just prolonging them from wasting time.
It's probably a stupid question then to ask people why they can't do something for me. I think the only reason why people would do that is just to bother them when they are trying to lead you on something and you don't feel comfortable with them. I think I'll just give them a warning that I am going to fully commit and annoy the heck out of them and tell them that I will say that I told you so later on while they are trying to deal with me and tell them my own opinion and force it into them because they want to do that to me and go for taking them down. I'll just repeat it and finish it through to get what I want, which isn't going to matter in the end anyway and just be honest about everything while actually loving them as a person. I'll just tell them it's tough love or something and that I have this feeling of goodness of just getting along while also shouting at them because I'm this little happy kid inside from working at managing a fun relationship even with all of the ups and downs.
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