Meaning of Self-Discipline

I'm actually noticing a different type of meaning in that self-discipline is literally about forcing yourself to do something. It's just that it should really be about something you desire doing for optimal results. Boy, I had the hardest time while still being a decently smart kid back then. I guess in a sense, I'm lucky to have put enough time to make myself book smart. 

All along, I just didn't want to feel like I was forced into anything but self-discipline is a form of forcing yourself and exercising some personal restraint. In a sense, I don't ever like to say any cuss words because it doesn't represent me. Something I didn't exercise any discipline over and freaked out my parents for awhile was that I just liked to laugh all the time about anything. 

I really forced myself to laugh. I think I did that because it was my defense mechanism from thinking so negative about everything and really dealing with a little chronic fatigue. It wasn't a good feeling, while panicking underneath a lot and wanting to do everything perfectly. I had so much performance anxiety over doing anything! 

When I ended up striking out against some dorky former friends, I guess it's going to happen because they didn't want to work things out from having anger management issues and wanting to be so controlling with me. They were saying they wanted to help, but no it's because they totally lost it; and it's like nothing was going to be pleasing for them, and they were so mad and unable to release it and just going to a direction of spite towards me after having not really done anything to them and being so annoyed by it.  

The amazing thing is that I finally am able to discern it. What's also amazing is that I found myself out of a psychological hole from being really lucky to find some practical information that I love putting to use. 

Saying And Committing

I believe that I can say from having been raised in the Lord my entire life, I'm lucky with how I didn't do bad enough to land myself in jail. I mean I was really angry with a certain crowd for a long time and ready to go to war with them. I ended up just forcing myself not to get into some depravity. It could be my fear in the Lord or maybe, just not my natural desire.

I can see how having all of those raw emotions and feeling like I wasn't the same way before with getting results; it wasn't easy getting out of that negative mindset. I'm just glad that I found understandable and easily retained, knowledge from neuroscience to set my mind free!  

Pretty much, there's a positive and negative mindset. To get by happily, you would want to stay positive much as possible and activate all those happy and creative brain cells from the prefrontal cortex. However, the struggle occurs about 70% of the time with how the person is trying to deal with some stress and surviving. It can be really hard at times to work at becoming a super star just like Kobe Bryant was able to obtain with his Black Mamba mentality. 

The thing is though you have to notice for yourself that there's something you really want while feeling really talented about and then work for it while dedicating yourself. Some days will suck, but as long as at the end of day you are still breathing and content to still do it, then you are in the right business. 

Making Small Strides

Lately, I've been learning not to really be a sore loser. It can sometimes sting to lose at a fun game even if there's no risk involved. An example of this is playing Poker, and there are some brutal losses with a hand that can happen. I've learned to just accept it as they come, but as long as probability wise I know I had the edge while starting out, I just have to work at creating similar situations consistently and go from there.

Despite being dealt bad luck sometimes in life, as long as I'm able to work hard at making some adjustments, I will keep on competing for the biggest prize. I'm totally cool about losing out to others even if they were just lucky now. I will still put in all the hard work I can put in though. Overall, it's just fun for me now and I understand that I'm becoming able to be more patient with this process. A lot of things are totally tying together for me in a great way.

In a way, the main physical things I want for myself is to work hard for becoming financially independent, forming a nice gym body, and create a lot of free time to do things like traveling and spoiling my lucky lady. I don't really care about sharing details about my net worth or what I do to make more. If it's for charity, then I guess I'm cool with giving back and not being well-known for it. Overall, I think it's just something you have to be born for wanting to do. 

Being Happy

It looks like all I can really feel right now is how things will sometimes not go the way I want for myself personally. I think it's just a matter of hanging in there and being patient while keeping a positive attitude all the time. It's probably just something you can be really lucky to be born with, but then again, it's something that you can also work on. 

They are only the little things, but it looks like I still have to work on myself a little more to get what I want. It's just plain hard work with staying disciplined to get to where I want to go in life. This is the Black Mamba way, just like how Kobe Bryant did it with his legendary work ethic. I'm inspired with what he accomplished and definitely was a talented basketball player. 

I think I do have a talent to develop with my choice of occupation. It isn't something people can watch, so I'm never going to become any celebrity. It was something that I brought myself up to do and have no regrets because it definitely resembles me. On a side note, it would have been nice to be friends with everyone in the world, while also trying to side with the world and put to death a bunch of terrorists!

I know how I'm capable of writing better, since it's been way more developed to cater for myself and how it's also reaching a few individuals. These are only words and not like capturing the moment while being in person. Still, it's quite nice to have this these days with being able to tell your small story to the world and share with whoever happens to drop in. 

Still Learning And Having Fun

Honestly, it might take me years to become a self-made millionaire now with the zero sum games I have chosen to compete in. It's still pretty fun and the fact that I have no money in it to learn about my competition pool and get all the legitimate practice that I want to makes it nice. I'm in no hurry really to make a quick buck now with those and don't really want any advice from anybody. 

I'm just going to stick to what works best for me, since it's a form of gambling and about coming up with theories of how the market works. It really doesn't matter how you approach or think about it as long you can make consistent gains. It's just important to be comfortable with your system and be patient. I guess this is the area of self-control that most people would have trouble with because it really is so hard to do it on your own. It's like you really have to be born to do this to be successful, unless you are one of those people who are addicted and don't realize it that you are really gambling your money away to have fun and hoping to get lucky.  

As long as you know how to manage your money and time wisely while having the means to support yourself, I wouldn't say it's a problem now. It looks like my dream life is more on hold now, but I do have a decent amount and putting in at least some effort to make me desirable for some ladies. It's just that I'm not fully comfortable with pursuing them because they must not fully have what I'm looking for yet. 

It must just mean overall that I haven't met the one yet that I am sharing a beautiful connection with. Well, maybe I have already, it's just that I don't feel entirely comfortable with my financial situation and want to work hard at it while being patient and having fun at the same time. Maybe, sex really isn't what it's cut out to be if I'm developing all this patience to begin with. If I'm lucky to find this beautiful lady who is so into it and me then I guess I'll just be another one of those happy and go-lucky married guys who likes to work hard for making his money.  

No Longer Afraid of Commitment

It really feels like my mind is becoming very healthy in that with wherever fate is leading me to for the day, I'm just not minding it so much anymore. Sure, there are still some people who irritate me on a daily basis but I have to say that I love them before the end of the day.  

I'm no longer so stressed out about things taking time for me to get somewhere that I want to be. I'm willing to put in the work and don't need anyone to really help me. Sometimes, I prefer others to not help me out but I'm starting to not mind getting assistance. For myself, I have been hanging out with the girl who I'm fond of and at times, since I know her so well, I just can't pressure her to do anything against her will that I really want to do. I'm learning to be patient in this area, while staying in high hopes even though it's hard to express it in words with her about finding someone else who will make me a very happy husband.

It's really a process and I think having this awesome friendship with this young lady is preparing me for the day I do find someone much better than her. It's going to be pretty hard because she would be near the cream of the crop if she was able to physically keep up with me and her background was much more dainty. She's had a rough time emotionally because of her parents and sister having a difficult time and also being born with a slightly fragile body. Yet, I think she's a very beautiful woman on the inside from having taken the time to get to know her. We complement each other very well with the relationship we have right now, and it looks like it keeps on getting better.  

Setting The Tone

I think the main thing right now is for me to work at making myself happy. I'm ecstatic to admit on here that I do trust in the Lord based on what I've been studying in the Bible. I just practically listen to it and try to understand it without looking at anybody else's interpretation really. I do like J. Vernon McGee's commentary though because it's really simple and just talks about his personal accounts and gives basic information of what the passage could be referring to. Okay, so I like this guy's style!

Other than that, I just try to pay attention to the Bible while driving on the road by myself. I'm still learning to manage my past issues that still bug me, once in awhile but I'm able to focus when I'm working on something else. I guess it's easy to let my mind slip up once my day of working is over and start thinking about anything dealing with the flesh. 

I would really like to stay awake and work out and keep on cooking and make tons of money, while paying attention to the Bible and working on reaching my goals. I think my life is pretty satisfying for the most part, even though it's a little tough at times to snap myself out of having too much fun with the small, personal stuff. One of these days, I would like to be married to a compatible and affectionate lover. I still haven't found her yet, but I keep on becoming more open about it. 

Learning By Experience

Thinking about it now, I think I was being really crazy about forcing others who went crazy with me to stay friends. I was really frustrated and angry that they were acting so rude and not how actual loving friends would do it. Yet, I would just make fun of them and laugh about it after sharing my frustration and then just let it go while expecting them to be cool with me. Since they made up their minds and allowed themselves to stay mad at me, they acted very impolite with me. It really ticked me off in person, but I didn't let them know how they were behaving because I was trying to brush it off and move forward while arguing with them my ways were the absolute best!

Of course, they didn't like it and I stayed quiet about it while dealing with some rage. With all the things they did to me, I managed to stay nice enough about all of it, and they did cross the line morally speaking because they showed themselves to be in a vulnerable period. I can relate to it better now and stay really chill and happy while dealing with it. Overall, being accused of things and called names for things I don't associate with means nothing to me and doesn't bother me as much anymore. I just don't like constantly being in an angry state of mind and force myself not to. I work hard with myself to keep a relaxed and curious state of mind while being straight forward and leading things to a positive outcome. 

Channeling Out Rage Properly

I think overall it really does take a lot of self-awareness and putting in a lot of effort to realize your personal state of mind. It's quite tough to let go of something that really bothers you for that short period of time. Maybe in some cases, there's something unsettling underneath and keeps on reminding you of it because of a person saying or doing something. 

I'm going to say that having gone through this mess was very tough to get out of for myself. I feel like I scared so many people about a potential and violent reprisal. At a point in time, the only thing that bugged me while driving on the road was seeing cops and I felt like I was spotting at least three patrol cars everyday for a whole month. It worsened my personal frustrations and tempted me so much to want to vent out my rage.

I did end up acting like a kid which I thought was cool at the time back then by dressing in a mechanic's clothes while wearing some army sunglasses and showing off very big pockets and then coming onto the stage of that good-for-nothing Christian pastor and throwing the Book of Mormon at him pretty hard and letting it hit the side of the stage, while barely missing his left or right shoulder. It was very nuts and I deserve getting that nutty girl named Yuri to cuss me out and threaten to call the cops on me while messaging me on Facebook. She failed to get through to me, but I forced my way several times by making fun of her and letting myself be blunt. I was really mean and forceful because that's how I felt with my anger towards her, and I left all of it on replies which she decided to put on ignore and do nothing about later on.

Words are very powerful and can do some serious harm, like how it motivated me to channel my full fury and express it all from sending legible messages  and forcing my fellow antagonists to understand me. The thing about it though is that it was never satisfying enough for me. It was like getting my shot of adrenaline and then after it died off, I would want it to be revitalized and look for another fight with them and didn't care about bothering them.  

The fact that I was nice enough even to those foolish enemies and never landed in jail sort of means that I have a great amount of luck with how I was brought up in the Lord. The "MOST" important thing is that I stopped by forcing myself to!

For others who want to and let their close ones know about it while having struggles with it, I will have to recommend seeing a trained counselor or therapist. The downside is that it can be a lot of money and health insurance isn't really that catered well for top-tier mental health. For myself, I didn't really want to stop all of that rage back then. I wanted to learn to embrace and understand this side of myself. I also felt like I would have tried to slap a therapist if I ever did land myself in front of one. Plus, it's a lot of money and I wouldn't want to risk making myself look bad after a therapy session. 

Finding The Right Girl To Love

Obviously the dream girl for me from physical attractiveness would be someone who has a pretty face, is not chubby, is blessed with a nice rack, and totally into doing it a lot with me! Yeah, it pretty much sums it up for me and I guess she doesn't have to be any race for me to be sexually attracted to her now. 

It just means that I'm explicitly heterosexual even though there are some really handsome and good looking guys out there with bodies that I would love to have! I think the most hottest guys out of those good looking men are those who appear to be so absolutely cool, humble, and nice with you. I just don't want to be with another guy and never will!

It looks like with women and having attraction to them, it can come and go and what I care about the most is being in tune with their lifestyle decisions and personality traits. If they like to be outdoors and travel then that's awesome. There's one girl who I think matches really well with me more than just a close sister and friend. We both like each other a lot, but she's just not at the point in her life with wanting to marry and start a family with anyone yet. It might happen later on, but it seems like she just has too much anxiety and can't let go of it no matter how hard she tries. She might have a nice rack too, but I can't fantasize much about her because I know her so well. 

I think I'm actually good right now with just being friends with ladies who have large racks. Some are affectionate and some can be cautious and some can just not show any signs of wanting intimacy with you. It's just the type of person you have to come to realize that you see a very nice future with. I think my dream of being with just one lady to satisfy my soul on this Earth for my lifetime and enjoy love making regularly while being physically attractive is not that far-fetched and doable. I'm going to keep on grinding myself away and let fate lead me to meet plenty of nice, affectionate girls who I think are hot!  Hopefully, I'll settle with one of them and I'm not anxious to tie the knot so quickly. 

Making More Progress

These days I'm realizing that I'm really lucky to have a job that I really enjoy doing. I guess there are several distractions for me to deal with, but for the most part they are little things to keep me selfishly entertained. I'm finding a lot of things to be funny, since I'm totally okay with being rejected now. I'm trying to not look at things with being so outcome dependent anymore. This was probably a large reason as to why I felt negative with myself from being short.

When I look at it now, I'm not really making a big deal out of it. It still would be nice to make myself a little taller just for the heck of it though. To have a really sexy body and obtaining it from hard work, man, the thought of doing that feels really good and something I would just love to have. 

I don't think it really has a lot to do with attracting girls so much anymore because that's more about just meeting the right person. I think I'm doing okay overall and could do a little more to be fully happy. I'm not so dependent on the outcome anymore and just learning to manage my time better because I have this hope that's keeping me alive with obtaining all my greatest desires through hard work. I guess this is what I call fate and to be working with my calling from God. I am seriously meant to be who I am individually, just as it is for others, even though there are still irritating people. It's just the way with how some things are, and you just have to manage by predicting their thoughts and behaviors while adjusting accordingly to your needs and not having to be so negative about it.  

Attempt With Finding Ladies

Well, I'm writing this on the day before Valentine's so yeah, I'm ahead of schedule so this is how I'm able to keep this blog going even if I don't have much time to sit at my computer and post right now when it hits exactly at 8:00 am. It's really easy to schedule like this and do it for free which is awesome! I've studied enough to have a Bachelor's in computer science so I should be able to research something easy like that, right? 

Well enough blabber-mouthing about nothing! Let's talk about finding ladies for the straight dudes out there. I'm attending some events that are just going to have a bunch of random people showing up from all age groups. I'm assuming they are still single or I'm just going to be rejected by someone who is already taken! It's usually those ladies who are taken that they say they are taken, or are they really? I don't know and I'm not going to find out. A no is still a no, well it is when it's about having intimacy; otherwise, good luck trying to run away from facing rape charges.

I think it's all fair and on moral grounds to come to an agreement at that level, but everything else is malleable. Basically, all those crazy ladies who were moronic with me and told me to leave them alone or else they will try to kill me and then send me off to prison and then try to send me to actual hell, while being in the same order; I still have a chance to make up with them because it has nothing to do with wanting sex from them, period!

Even while facing a restraining order, as long as you behave and don't go stalking her to land in prison, it can't stay on you forever if you have good behavior and you still get to focus on your job and make money which is a whole heck of a lot better than thinking about how to deal with a stupid lady like it happened to me! Yeah, she's Crazy Lee and I hope she reads this sentence. 

Being a shorty at only 5' 3", it didn't help me to avoid a restraining order from a taller Chinese man and Thai lady who looks like a boy slightly but you can tell she's full lady- that's Crazy Lee. I think I was just fed up and stressed out about what Crazy Lee did to me and then I started thinking about how she looks like an actual man!

Willing To Put Up With Things

Ever since I attended a meetup about a month ago which discussed about neuroscience, my life has seriously been changed! I'm thinking much more clearer about my direction and open to finding the love of my life. I'm no longer really stressing about losing, if I had the best hand going into the river. It happens and as long as I keep on playing with a winning strategy, I can always bounce on back. 

It's just going to take longer of course, so consistency is the key to becoming a professional at anything. No matter what happens or was left out, it's important to not stress out about it and relax while thinking about what could have been done instead. Stress basically kills a lot of things, especially the mood to keep going after something you think is cool.

I'm feeling practically good about my life these days. I'm confident even though I know things won't always be going my way. I don't mind failing and ignoring what my parents think and just continuously keep on trying to get there.  

Just thinking about it, I really do feel that even though I'm not dating this close lady friend of mine, I do see her in person often and hang out. She wants me to move in at her place and help out with her family bills. She lives with her parents and younger sister with a mental illness. Boy, her younger sister can act like such a nuisance sometimes because of her impulsiveness and stubbornness. 

I've said some things and acted in a cold manner for her to say that I'm like a brother to her while we were traveling on the road together! This changes with her mood, but what I think helped me a lot is that I really thought about her personality and feel that it outweighs all of her flaws. She's a very beautiful person to me mostly on the inside and she's attractive since I like to still check out how big her bust is sometimes after all these years of knowing her, but I think of her as a sister, too. I really like her as well and it's mutual so this relationship is probably one of the best friendships you could have in the world.

I'm basically saying that she's kind of like a girlfriend to me, technically speaking, but we're not actually dating each other as weird as that sounds. She really does like to think about the best for me and bring up how my future wife will be happy. She's assuming that it's never going to be her, and she's happy with it while not interested in settling down like that with me or anybody I know right now. She does say that she wants to have a partner, so I might fit a less significant role like that for her right now.  

Result of Asking Girls Out

I've been mostly getting rejections, and if it's for online dating, I'm pretty much like 1 for 10,000 tries! This one person who went out with me isn't even the best match for me either, and she was trying to be all over me. I now know how it feels for a guy to be a creep to other girls, so I'm not ever getting there.

I have learned from expecting how it sucks, not becoming dependent on it; so I'm not afraid anymore and not caring. I'm just boldly going out there to where no man has gone before. It's basically me asking out girls which I was so shy to do originally with a lot of insecurities. I don't really feel much anymore, so I just don't really care how it's going to go. If it's good, meh, and if it's bad then okay and moving on. 

It's been mostly bad of course and the few good ones are really just with nice female friends. I asked out my best female friend and she said yes, and it just felt a little too easy to be honest. I feel like we're just friends, but yeah, I think we're perfect for each other in keeping the relationship we already have. 

What's Keeping Me From Finding Love?

I think the main answer to this is that I'm not really trying at all to do so. I think I came close with a super-close friendship I have with a woman today. She says that she definitely doesn't want to have any kids. She's also asexual and seeing another lady right now, too! I literally see her as my best lady pal while still liking her and thinking of her as like a sister to me. 

She tells me in person that she thinks I'm well-worth it for someone to marry. I really don't mind anymore however she feels about me when it relates to family, like being a brother to her. I've told her that I'm not chasing after her even though I can love everything about her and only because she's asexual! I'm looking for being able to have some physical intimacy with someone, so it does feel a little weird to want to keep on checking her out now. I guess this is still going to happen with me, since I've never really been with another woman. I think the excitement I'm reminded of from hanging out with my best friend regularly is about looking forward to that day I finally do get to marry my dream girl! 

Happy Valentine's Day

I don't really have much to say except I think I did have a date. That's about it! In all seriousness, I guess a post could be brilliantly done with just one sentence. It sort of doesn't make that much sense though because why not use Twitter or Facebook. Maybe, having your blog that nobody really cares to look at is the way to go!

In my case, there's always going to be someone reading these posts now. I don't know who and I'm not really making any requests to identify yourselves either. It's just cool to me and thank you whoever you are! I sort of feel like you, my readers, are individuals I have to be held accountable for with all my bad actions. 

This is why I try to always align with being good to this day. On top of wanting to stay a Christian also, I believe in living like one because of my faith in Jesus. Other Christians can be pretty dumb people, don't get me wrong. A decent size of them are pretty whack, and they will still go crying and hollering while screaming threats of suing you, if you tell them how you feel and try to give them a pat on the shoulder, while laughing about it. Obviously, it's going to be taken as an insult and be so offensive to the most sensitive. I've had to handle someone like that already, and it's really stupid but it's the truth. He's a manager too for crying out loud and couldn't handle me calling him a dummy while I touched his shoulder briefly, while not being able to laugh it off. 

He became physically confrontational with me, so then he was saying he could get me fired because he thinks I did what he did to me. It then backfired when I pointed that out to him, and he completely shutdown after while being in denial and then acquiesced to whatever I said. I told him that he needs to have more self-control. He didn't have a good day at work after that and let it linger, too. 

Honestly, I'm not at work to try to give my coworkers a hard time but it's more about doing our job. The manager was being pretty messy to us so it just ticked me off a little when he was ordering us to do extra things while being anxious and over-worrisome. Well, at the end of the day, it feels good that I won that debate. I did apologize to him for my small slip-up but he didn't want to let it go and then it just had to get to me doing my thing with winning arguments like I do at home with my mom. I saw that he was in tears and it's quite satisfying to see him looking like that and at the same time, I don't mind working with him again and being nice now because I had such a good laugh.  

Formulating A Solid Plan

I want the main idea to be about staying in a positive and happy mindset while working hard on something that you want to feel satisfied with after it's all done. I have experienced the joy and thrill from tasting a bit of success with the things I chose to make a living on. Giving up is out of the question now and acceptance is really about dealing with getting rejected and also starting it back up daily!

I guess it's important to be lucky and have a sound mind. I think it's really terrible with how the mind can work, when you are so fed up with something and want to get something else done so fast to reach satisfaction. There's a lot of reckless decisions waiting to happen and like getting an anvil dropped on your head! 

It's important to reflect and recognize the process. It's no longer time to fight and struggle. It's more about nurturing a positive growth and experiencing the full joy and having a peace of mind. 

Committing For Great Things

This is going to sound a little silly, but I think it takes a little work sometimes to go about with finding some fun business. It's not always going to feel like a beautiful walk in the park and especially from being so sleepy most of the time. Well, I guess if you love what you are doing, then essentially it is always going to be a great feeling when you get yourself going.  

It's a little nuts in that with my focusing prowess, I just have to will myself and stay positive about it. I have been used to getting good results while being stressed that I felt like I was always living at the edge of my maximum potential. It wasn't a great feeling for me. It's mainly the attitude I had adopted starting as a kid. When I was a kid, I always competed and struggled to stay on top of my classmates while balancing out with how much fun I had from binge watching TV shows and playing video games. I even searched long and hard back in those days and gave my precious time to go download those things, so I could enjoy those short moments of having so much fun. 

In a way, I guess from my life experience; it's going to take some work sometimes to find that glory you are so craving for. It's amazing with how this might all play out with being a calling from God as well. Obviously, God is good and just and all the time, He is good! This just means all those terrible sins are a no-go, so nothing in our wildest imaginations to satisfy our selfish and wicked urges is pleasing to God. God can forgive and forget from being this ultimate loving Creator but no, God doesn't want anybody to sin. To reason with finding exceptions, those are lies told by the great enemy! 

Showing Signs of Entertaining Progress

For my side profession, I have decided to take up competitive online Poker, swing trading, and programming software. It's pretty much the ultimate package for me and took me a long time to figure it out for myself. I would like this side profession to turn into something I do while I become my own boss and for the programming gig, I'm probably going to end up not minding hiring some talented people to work for me anyway. 

Somehow, there's just this swagger underneath that you must have to conduct yourself while entering into your own business. With apart from focusing on becoming a really good zero-sum game player, I'm not going to make any recommendations for others to join me. I just think that it's competitive and deals with the art of trying to take each other's money. It's sometimes funny to lose for me now and entertaining, but I'm not feeling so down and out about it and ready to dust myself back up and keep on competing with opponents. 

Basically, zero-sum games that I'm progressing in really require managing on how to get lucky and having the patience to take small losses while trying to continuously dodge bad hands that are being dealt. It's not that easy as it looks, so I have no money invested with my Poker and swing trading, just giving my precious time to play some competitive games while having so much fun and gaining experience on how to stay successful. I'm using only play money and trying to gain consistency out of it. There's really nothing wrong about this, and I can handle working on my own because I want to and starting to have so much fun with it. 

It seems like I don't have a problem with saying how to do things, but going about actually doing it is so much different and I guess requires talent to be able to visualize things sometimes the way I might have a tendency to. 

Facing Rejections

Not having to be so outcome dependent on anything that a regular person would want so badly like outdoing the casino at a game of blackjack is really tough! First of all, it's not smart to go into gambling mode while not knowing how to crunch numbers so the few friends who are into gambling all suck at it for the most part. I think that's really going to turn into a problem if they continue to ignore that the odds are stacked against them and that playing for money in the short run is going to end up costing them more from only feeling lucky and not putting in the actual work because of how it never crosses their mind.

Honestly, with these many 50-50 games in casinos, there's a problem in that you have pay the table to play each game. For example, let's say that you play 100 games. You will win 50% of them minus having to pay for 100 games, so if your bankroll is only like $1000 while the fee to play each game is $5 and you are betting only around $10 then your total expected earning will be $0, so the house would win your $1000 in the end. This is such a stupid strategy and my friend believed in this that he was able to have a run where he played for eight hours straight and withdrew more money out of his account and ended up with a loss of $2000! The next time he went to the table, he claimed that he no longer felt the excitement from winning and he was sick of it. Well of course, after taking that kind of loss, you can expect to give those small wins back to the house. 

There is a way to use a martingale strategy which is doubling your bet for each loss so you recoup plus gain a little but that is also risky if you don't know how to count cards. Probability wise, it will make things run in your favor so you would need to have a very healthy bank roll and sneaky methods to go undetected as a card counter. These days casinos are making it harder for card counters to make a living like reshuffling sooner to keep it randomized and giving the house an edge. As long as casinos have the 50-50 games, they still get you on the long run from making you pay a fee.

Some impulsive people just don't want to take the time to understand this and feel their way while being reckless with their gambling habits. They emotionally reason that they are good enough to win and support their lifestyle after seeing a lot of players winning to get them excited. There is definitely a mental disease these people are going through, and it's sad that casinos are also capitalizing off of them. I think gambling at casinos should really be a business for bored, rich people who just want to throw their money away or feel lucky for a few nights just to feel like a happy kid again. 

I have basically said that being rejected is like losing while invested heavily and being denied a big win at a casino game. It can hurt a lot, and the normal reaction is to just leave without making a scene. A few, other players at the table may laugh at them because it can be funny too, and I'm not going to discourage it actually. It's just life and to not make any adjustments over it while thinking through things and continuing to make impulsive decisions instead, it's just plain foolish and will keep you from succeeding. 

Managing Time

It looks like it's really the same old but I'm just trying to work out and cook more often on my free time now. In addition to those things, I want to go socialize as much as possible with things that interest me. 

I'm basically consistently trying to do all I can. I've actually learned to hamper my short temper somewhat, so when I'm feeling irritated and want to tell someone to shut up I just say it without using my vocals and moving my mouth. I say it in my head and then tell myself to relax. 

There have been times where I've just about had it too and during those situations, I just tell them straight up how I feel. I'm capable of making adjustments as I need to, so I guess in the end I still want to be a loving person much as possible. In a way, I must be that rare splendid individual in the making but not really known except by those in my close circle.   

Making New Progress

It's pretty simple with where I'm headed right now. I'm continuously learning to adapt to becoming an online poker pro by practicing to win over a billion play chips from others. I'm still ranging at around no more than 150 million, so I still have quite a ways to go with grinding but I'm almost at the highest blinds the free site has to offer. These players are also serious about learning their game and can pay up to $100 to get 15 million chips. I've won all of my chips and have paid nothing for it! I have been honing my skills on chip management and risk aversion techniques, so it really does get technical even with all the gambling aspects which comes from players competing to win a hand they are committed on. 

I have also found out that my swing trading method might be more simpler than I thought now and will keep on honing it until I get three months worth of consistency. I'm starting all over again, but it's not the end of the world. This is my free education that I'm giving myself and the same goes along with learning to play professional online Poker. It's really neat that I've found a few things that I wish to strive for and be successful at so I can make my money and support my honey! 

I'm pretty much grinding my way through now and not really feeling how hard it is. I'm totally feeling good about it and happy. It's just flowing naturally for me these days. I still need to think a little more about who I'm going to be dating though and where because it is going to require some commitment. I guess I'm not really that desperate to go on a date and sort of out of touch with it from not having explored my interest in it while I was young. I totally brought up myself the unsuccessful way, and my parents were too busy working on their dream to teach me things that would make me happy. It's a little distasteful for me and something I want to whine about with my mom, but I'm mentally bringing myself to a really good place now. I'm still blessed to be an average person with some passions that could make good money after doing some grinding on it.  

Working Through The Details

It really feels like I'm all about preparation right now with doing my thing. I'm incredibly lucky with the position I'm at right now because it was a lot harder in the past from feeling like I was in survival mode all the time. It was stressful and tough to deal with. My mentality has managed to progress into a more lovely effort to continuously thrive.

I'm trying to balance out making a living, working out, cooking, socializing and other fun things, and finding girls to ask out for fun now. I've been rejected already several times, so I don't care anymore but I'm not going to ask out some random chick without getting a feel for who she is and if I want to partner up. I'm just looking for the best out there for me and willing to wait because I have plenty of things to keep myself occupied. 

It's also sad, but I do have the Internet with pornographic material to stimulate me without masturbating properly! I swore an oath to God to never do that while single, so I think I'm going to marry a woman who isn't a swinger so it's bye-bye porn for me. Hopefully, she's a very sexually-spirited partner and down whenever I'm ready for it. I'll probably have to make myself more attractive to give her extra persuasiveness like making myself rich to support a lot of kids and keeping around a healthy figure that still has some sexy moves to pleasure her with wholesome fun to go along with it. 

Yeah, I don't think I care that much about the body becoming so old and crusty and still staying active. If she's going to be my only sexual partner, then I might as well find one who will always be into it whenever and I'm visually stimulated by her enough and fall in love which I know will then keep me attracted to her for the rest of my life. 

Figuring Out How To Live

Right now, I think my main goal is to get married to the best girl out there God has to offer. I do have an asexual partner somewhat who I'm not official with, but I think she's an extraordinary person with a beautiful personality and she does have a nice bosom too but that feature comes and goes with me in thinking how attractive she is. She also has a comes-and-goes pretty face for me too.

Overall though, I think she would be my match made from heaven if she wasn't so neurotic that she is committed to staying an asexual for the rest of my life. Other than that, she calls me an older brother and I respond to that by calling her a little sister. She's my best pal out all of the ladies I know and wants to keep this relationship alive because it could mean so much more later down the road. I'm down to stick around and hang out while visiting even when we both become out-of-state soon. 

I've learned to just practically not be dependent on my results now and to just keep on plowing through like how a salesman does it. It's not that bad when your confidence is running very high. 

Art Of Picking Up Women Truthfully

The number one thing to keep in mind is that at least some women you are interested in will say no, and possibly for a really good reason like they could already be committed to someone else! It's pretty much a no then with what they are telling you in a nice way. 

It really just comes from being straight-up bold like asking them for a dance in person. Who cares with being turned down? It happens, and I even felt like my ego was crushed about being turned down by hot women over a simple act of taking photos of them posing together. It was crazy, so I felt bad and didn't like it. It was still good though and all in the name of fun, so who cares. 

I guess the number one rule for me when it comes to playing the dating game is not to be so outcome dependent about anything. All these strategies and books on picking up certain women is rather funny, but the truth is that we need to hear the full story with any questions we have from a really experienced girl. Meet so-and-so, she's a dating coach and giving away her tips for free because she wants the world to have more kind of guys she approves of dating women they want to be with! I finally found someone cool like that and she's local while having been able to answer all of my questions. Well, if you do one-on-one sessions she's going to charge but for group settings like the one I went to, she was cool about answering my questions with no filters. It was very helpful, so now I just don't really care about being rejected and don't mind staying nice about it while remaining upfront and confident with the ladies I like. 

Well technically, my asexual girlfriend and I are not together so I can practice what I learned in these classes by just asking her out. She's like a good sister to me though, but I still really like her so if she said no to me, it's not like she won't ever talk to me again and avoid me. She's actually my best pal out of all the girls I know. I think she's safe to practice my dating moves on. 

Getting The Hang Of Things

I think I'm starting to understand how to live my life a lot better and that having a clear and utmost faith with Jesus being my Lord and Savior is really making my life feel more liberating! It's definitely not a license to go sinning, and I think the main thing I'm really toying with on the lines of sin is really sexual immorality. I'm not going to do the actual physical act of fornication even though it's tempting, but I do want to drag it close as possible before getting there. It's like playing with all the fun that leads up it and then stopping while saying I must wait until I'm married to my female partner.

It's easy for me to gross out with the thought of being gay even though there are really good looking guys out there and possibly better than a few ladies too! I told my asexual partner the other day that she's my best friend out of all the girls I know. She's a lot like a good sister, but I also really like her at the same time. It took awhile to figure this out, but it's only because she's asexual that I'm not chasing after her and I told her that. She's so into me and wants to keep our relationship alive, and having this guy-girl combo closeness is something everybody in the world could use. 

I have learned that my asexual girlfriend's flaws are negligible because her personality outshines all of it. She's a beautiful person and I can see that I'll love her unconditionally even though some things she does still irritates me! I'm not going to take it official with her though, so it's unique with what I have going with her. She might be my pure virgin I hang onto for as long as I can't find another partner who is a lot like her minus being asexual. 

Ahh, Great Mindset!

I've been mostly losing connections on my Facebook profile from people I wouldn't really consider to be of high quality for me. With the exception of one lady who I know is super cool with me and seriously didn't like feeling chased after by another random guy on there, she pretty much deactivated her account and then maybe started another one and hasn't added me yet. 

I guess she doesn't count even though I feel stressed about it, but it's understandable and under control. I just have an eye strain right now which sort of hurts to be honest, so I'm just practicing relaxation now. Okay, there my eyes feel a lot better! 

For the most part, I still have a Facebook friend who I was legitimately interested in chasing after. She's like the only one I probably acted all normal with. I was one of those many guys who felt she was like the hottest woman in the world and letting her know that. For her, it's like she won't let me just be her friend even if I tried with all my might, so it makes sense with her not really replying back to me. In a way, I guess it just means I can't be friend-zoned by her, if that's really a thing. I think it's debatable, but it must mean I'm not really that lucky to know her.

There is my oldest friend since high school I'm less associated with now, but yeah he was interested in her too and it complicated things. He ended up losing her as a Facebook friend, but I still have her. This guy is of lower quality to me as a friend, so he ended up removing me as a Facebook friend.

Basically, a bunch of low quality guys and girls who attended a low quality church ended up removing me as a friend. In a way, it sort of filtered all the bad people for me anyway. I'm just going to continue leaving it to the social and mother nature now. It's not going to hinder me to lose more people on my Facebook even though I'm continuously improving and learning to thrive while feeling more comfortable. 

Game Plan With Dating Best Women

I'm pretty much looking to approach it while being friends close as possible so I can get to know enough about her personality. I just care about one thing in that she's a nice person. Next, she can't be too fat for me and I have to feel some sort of attraction to her. It's pretty difficult since I would feel free in my reign if I had more money and living away from my parents. Even though I pay some kind of rent to live in their gorgeous home that they have already paid off, it's pretty embarrassing.

I'm just going to have to do the best I can and just take a guess if I think she can find me attractive and just ask her out. If she says no, then I'm not going to stress about it. It's easier said than done but I can be really humble about it, since I don't find myself that sexy anyway. I'll do the best I can to keep on improving myself, but never get over myself even if I'm so lucky to land a super hot lady who is sweet and ends up really loving me for a boyfriend. 

My criteria is pretty simple in that she can't be asexual and is straight to begin with, while being good looking enough and has a good personality. I'll be happy with this, so I'll be patient and look for any kind of opening with ladies I find attractive. They also can't be taken, which unfortunately might happen for me the majority of the time. I guess it's easier to think about what could have been if she's with someone rather than just hanging out with her and not feeling that connected. 

Managing My Routine

Currently, I'm trying to make a living on the side with my day job with what I truly enjoy doing. At the moment, I'm just practicing to make myself a Poker Pro and swing trader. A third thing that I'm trying to get myself back into is being a software engineer. I've been on survival mode for too long while going to school to make myself one. I'm just trying to learn to relax before I keep on proceeding. I think what's helping me out is going to group meetings and being around others who are working on programming. This type of environment just feels nice for me and is pretty productive since we're all quiet for the most part. 

I think it's just making the commitment to show up there and then flip open my laptop and start working on it. It's pretty much winning half the battle and it's like going to the scary gym for me sometimes. I've been doing it all wrong from feeling it should be all done out of necessity instead of feeling really happy about doing them. I'm trying to reprogram myself to be better now. 

Another thing I feel out of necessity is editing my pictures and social media. It's something that I'm interested in doing just to put myself out there, and I know I'm not going to become viral because I really suck. I think it's funny though now that I think of it if people are going to make mean comments and even give me thumbs down on their reviews. 

For the most part, I'm trying to do all of these things because it's fun and enjoyable for me. I'm slowly working at reprogramming my mind so I can be accessible to myself with doing these incredible things. I guess I can say that I suck and putting something out there just to pick on myself with good humor. I'm not so affected by negative outcomes as much anymore, even though some are always scary to worry about and worth avoiding.