I think overall it really does take a lot of self-awareness and putting in a lot of effort to realize your personal state of mind. It's quite tough to let go of something that really bothers you for that short period of time. Maybe in some cases, there's something unsettling underneath and keeps on reminding you of it because of a person saying or doing something.
I'm going to say that having gone through this mess was very tough to get out of for myself. I feel like I scared so many people about a potential and violent reprisal. At a point in time, the only thing that bugged me while driving on the road was seeing cops and I felt like I was spotting at least three patrol cars everyday for a whole month. It worsened my personal frustrations and tempted me so much to want to vent out my rage.
I did end up acting like a kid which I thought was cool at the time back then by dressing in a mechanic's clothes while wearing some army sunglasses and showing off very big pockets and then coming onto the stage of that good-for-nothing Christian pastor and throwing the Book of Mormon at him pretty hard and letting it hit the side of the stage, while barely missing his left or right shoulder. It was very nuts and I deserve getting that nutty girl named Yuri to cuss me out and threaten to call the cops on me while messaging me on Facebook. She failed to get through to me, but I forced my way several times by making fun of her and letting myself be blunt. I was really mean and forceful because that's how I felt with my anger towards her, and I left all of it on replies which she decided to put on ignore and do nothing about later on.
Words are very powerful and can do some serious harm, like how it motivated me to channel my full fury and express it all from sending legible messages and forcing my fellow antagonists to understand me. The thing about it though is that it was never satisfying enough for me. It was like getting my shot of adrenaline and then after it died off, I would want it to be revitalized and look for another fight with them and didn't care about bothering them.
The fact that I was nice enough even to those foolish enemies and never landed in jail sort of means that I have a great amount of luck with how I was brought up in the Lord. The "MOST" important thing is that I stopped by forcing myself to!
For others who want to and let their close ones know about it while having struggles with it, I will have to recommend seeing a trained counselor or therapist. The downside is that it can be a lot of money and health insurance isn't really that catered well for top-tier mental health. For myself, I didn't really want to stop all of that rage back then. I wanted to learn to embrace and understand this side of myself. I also felt like I would have tried to slap a therapist if I ever did land myself in front of one. Plus, it's a lot of money and I wouldn't want to risk making myself look bad after a therapy session.
