Avoiding Depression

It seems like the best way to get the mind off of hard times is to just pretty much maintain a positive attitude. For myself, I've learned to just flip on the switch to staying positive whenever I have to. I think it's just from having a ton of self-confidence while giving myself a hard time every once in a awhile and then grinding it out to the finish line. I believe that in time through hard work, it's going to happen sooner or later. What's so positive about this is that if I'm still working on something and end up dying for some reason sadly, then I'll still have been happy even though I didn't get anything done. This mentality of just pushing myself with a positive attitude is personally addictive for me. 

Knowing my personality a bit more now, maintaining this strong and positive attitude really just came from learning to have acceptance. How did I obtain acceptance? I don't really know exactly. It feels like it just happened after I went to a guy's talk about having a positive mind after understanding a little neuroscience. This guy's PowerPoint seriously changed my life around and from that point on, it's like I'm used to it now and a whole lot better. 

It looks like I've always had this optimistic feeling within me. I still have my slight struggles but I'm getting better at it. It's like having a major off day while playing online Poker and going through something rough as well. Just putting my hours in and committing to it while just learning to accept my outcome has helped massively. I've also learned that being happier can make you more productive and it's also easier to stay consistent with something.  

Fun Things To Commit To

I think the main fun things that I'm interested in doing is pretty much playing games on my Switch, playing songs on my piano, doing fun things with friends, and watching shows. I do think programming, playing Poker, and trading are fun professions so it takes up a good portion of my time. Also listening to the Bible is another thing in my life that I'm trying to humble myself enough to do. It's challenging but I'm still managing to hang in there. 

It looks like I've adapted a lot better and have a more healthier way of coping with stress these days. I'm also more accepting as well and willing to put in the work to improve myself while looking for an opening. Like I think this new girl at work is really hot and I'm interested in getting to know her more, but I'm just hanging in there but I guess eventually I'll start working my way in to talk to her and be friends even. It looks like I'm much more comfortable even though it looks like she's a little taller than me as well. 

Daily Life Routine

First thing I do after I wake up at around 4:15 am is go use the potty, take a shower, shave, put on my clothes, and then head out for work. Sometimes I will skip out on a shave or shower if I did it like the night before. I really like to take my sweet time so it takes me about an hour sometimes to get ready for work. I guess it's really early in the morning so I don't function that fast enough yet. It would be nice if I could cut it to no longer than thirty minutes daily. Maybe I could work on it starting tomorrow?

When I drive to work, I'm usually falling asleep so I have adopted chewing gum to help me out along the way. Once I get to work, I usually delete my e-mails and check up a little on how my trades are doing and start trying to answer questions to warm myself up. I also have a lot of questions throughout the day sometimes out of curiosity so I'll just google for information on anything and just read it while I'm grinding out my programming job. 

I find my job to be fulfilling for me and it's something that I really enjoy doing with getting the work done. I see that from focusing mainly, I'm just getting it done from just constantly testing what I programmed and perfecting the code to get the objective done. I even like to go above and beyond to challenge myself with adding in cool features besides just hanging in there. It's just fun and rewarding for me. I can see that I'm really meant to do this line of work. The only way to get better is to just keep on working hard at it. 

After my work is over, I just drive back and while commuting to home and back, I'm listening to the Bible. Recently, I have been making an effort to not swear while I'm by myself and make some funny moves while I'm a little stressed out from remembering some random junk in the past. I don't have a grudge with personal confusion as I used to. I'm not that mad anymore either so I have managed to resolve a lot of my personal issues lately.

When I get back home, I have been eating dinner and then playing some online Poker and trading while watching some anime. I would like to add in some cooking and working out regime on top of those things. I would also like to keep on planning fun things to do and just ask my lady friends to hang out with me for building confidence. I don't mind having fun with a few of my guy friends either, but it looks like I've been looking to spend time with some cute ladies who I'm interested in. Eventually, I will be trying to settle on a girlfriend and it looks like I'm going for that direction. Still, living with my parents and not being financially independent is a personal downfall for me that I'm working on honestly with doing my own side business.  Lastly, if I can make free time while not being exhausted and motivated at the moment, then I would like to complete my journey with doing my Master's online. 

Possibility With Love

I now understand something in my relationship with girls. In the past, this one lady kept on telling me that she appreciated me as an awesome friend and even told me she loved me a good deal at one point. I was questioning what she meant by this but yeah, it's pretty obvious that her intent was a little sneaky at first but she really did try to go out with me. I didn't pick up on it because I was trying to read between the lines besides asking her directly about it because I was just too shy and not even ready to accept whatever would happen. I think I just hung in there, but now I realize that she still loves me and sees me as one of her great friends which means that after she married, she decided to 'friend-zone' me if I ever come around to trying to chase after her. I don't plan on doing that because it's against my morals to chase after a married woman. It's not my thing.

It's not the end of the world from not being able to tie the knot with this awesome chick. I have another one to consider now! In like-wise fashion, I can see some similarities like she has said I'm a very good friend and appreciates me. This means there's room for growth in the relationship and she only feels comfortable associating with family and she sees me like one. I have matched her emotional level  and we've already been through a couple ups and downs which are enough, worldly reasons to not associate with each other anymore. I've learned to get past all of that and now love her true beautiful nature even through all the flaws. I can see this relationship being really something and our time hanging out together is really meaningful even though we do it through cordial means while being so close. 

New Theory

I guess this might work for me at a personal level from the way I'm seeing it now but my perspective is that when people are a little upset with me, they prefer to share their own thinking about it with me while ignoring possibilities that it could be a little off. The way I get through this annoyance is from just thinking and accepting that they are crazy, so there's no need to stay mad at them. I can justify this point and go all out usually all day with the other person staying quiet about it with me and probably thinking it's funny. It could pretty much be that they have accepted the way I have set my mind on things to.

It's probably going to be really hard to see without any solid examples, and I'm not going to really bother thinking about every event because I don't really care from thinking they are crazy! I have found something that really works for me in not being troubled by crazy people. It has simply happened from just accepting that they really are. They were crazy from just having been blinded by their own selfish ambitions and being so mad at me for believing others that I did something and will cause something to happen that they are a little paranoid about while also not really having anything to do with them personally. There's no reason to stay mad about it or even be resentful because I accept that they are just plain crazy! 

What I Have Been Doing

My life has been practically simple in that mainly my communication is just greetings with a few co-workers and then exchanging texts with a few good female friends. There's two I'm interested in and it looks like they are my choices to pick from right now. I don't really have any close conversations with guys anymore, but there is one guy who I have got close to but want to leave alone right now from believing that he's crazy!

It seems like my close circle is probably around five friends I can personally manage at a time. I mean it makes sense because others have their own thing to do while being ignorant to the little things and trying to live happy lives. I sort of fixate on a lot of these details from just finding my personal actions to always being important to consider. In raising my confidence level and getting over my short height complex, I have had to just accept that some people are crazy!   

Starting to Understand What I Need to Do

It looks like my trading style is starting to be effective and for the last two months, I pretty much let it go on its own for days without bothering to check it. Now I'm realizing as a swing trader, it would be effective if I looked to enter and close trades once in the morning and evening each. 

My online Poker playing skills are gradually getting to its goal and it's been fun so far. I still have quite a ways to go but I'm making progress with it as well. I think I seriously do have a side business that's in progress and will be something that I eventually engage in. My business is basically making money by outsmarting opponents in a fair exchange online. 

It looks like I'm starting to get bored with playing Animal Crossing now, so I can lay off of it more and do something that would be better for me. I do think cooking, working out, and trying to plan for things will be nice additions with what how I've been living so far.  

The Way Things Are

I don't think this blog of mine really serves any purpose except just for entertaining myself because I find it so fun to connect with this positive and humorous side of me, but at the same time I realize that it can sound very serious too for mostly others and not even be useful for them! It's basically a side of me that I'm connecting to and trying to tap into while being aware that I'm doing this consciously with a few readers.

I'm not even discouraged by seeing low number of visitors now, since I'm really used to this and there's probably going to be a lot of inconsistency with the usefulness for others in this blog. However, it does serve me greatly to just digress about anything and exercise some sort of creativity. Maybe, it's going to be pretty obvious to everyone now who gets to read this sentence that I don't want to get in trouble for doing this because this is a lot of fun to me, and I don't want to be known to the world just for having this secretive blog that I have open for those anonymous readers as well who could relate well to me. 

Good luck with that if there's someone out there who cares to still read these posts which might not be the greatest thing in the world but for me, it serves a strong purpose for me which is possibly to pump me up most of the time and also give me some positive inner laughs without really being a bother to anyone. It's mainly a boring thing that brings me a lot of entertainment value while also connecting to a random side of myself and to put all of it together in a logical and conversational way. 

Simple Detail To Adjust

With the last two posts, I'm writing this one right after it on the same day but each is going to be presented on a consecutive day later separately. Man, this was so cool to describe in words! Okay, let's get down to the nitty gritty. Another slang term I picked up subconsciously while trying to steal ideas from currency traders but now I'm doing my own thing and trying to graduate with those concepts so I can get on to the next chapter which is being a professional making the big bucks while working so little!

It's just a matter of doing what you want to do while keeping a fresh and positive mind. Praying to God about it really makes it so wholesome while trying to fit all of this into His will. Like I'm praying for cooking so that I can end up serving delicious meals to those who were so unfortunate and poor to get something like it someday. It's so I could liven up their day for doing something so little but would just bring me so much happiness to get compliments from a stranger. I'm really an optimistic and relationship-orientated guy while God-fearing indeed even though it's questionable with my sins. I will humble myself even though it's possible to talk about how crazy I am and feel really proud of it! 

Just the way you word something can cause those emotional distress triggers. To be a master of it and write something so eloquent and beautiful and then to be well-known for it, it really isn't my calling. I'm not looking for that because it just doesn't bring me that much comfort. I must be really this guy who likes to make a difference to just ordinary people one person at a time because I'm so relationship focused. 

Seriously, Making Some Improvements

It looks like when I'm really in the mood then I can just naturally put off on other things which could turn out to be my own undoing. Something that's really cool is that I don't feel like I have this burden underneath me anymore. It might have been some psychological distress and I probably really was a candidate for getting some therapy of whatever kind, but I managed to put on a calm outer shell and keep it that well together even though I was screaming out underneath so many adolescent complaints right past my college years. 

When I was out of college, it wasn't really any different and I wasn't changing at all. I guess problems really started kicking in then so I had to start digging deeper into my soul. I can see how everything was meant to happen for me. It was all about finding personal acceptance with everything that's going on. I would try to block out the bad and keep the good and it got so obsessive like this that it probably was way overboard at times. I even dealt with a bunch of crazy people and they kept on coming at me with so much confusion. I'm now laughing about it and accept those crazy people without any resentment and while constantly filtering out my anger because there's really no point in staying mad at a crazy person! I'm so convinced that they are and can even make a strong case already about it which they most likely don't want to hear anyway. 

Subtle Changes

Today, it looks I'm really in the mood for doing some self-improvement work. This whole auto-suggestion thing powered by Google is pretty nice. I am practically writing an e-mail to myself and scheduling it to send on a certain day at the same time. This is how I'm giving the illusion that I'm posting everyday at the same time and might feel like it's never-ending so it's a freak of nature! 

Plus, doing all of this is fun and free so can't go wrong with that. Sure, I might have a decent amount of knowledge to put up a site and start blogging about things I know really well about but I prefer to not make money off of this right now. I just like this whole staying under the covers type of deal and to be someone's right hand man that he or she can look up to. Probably more like guys will relate to me really well and show some support while backing away from any type of conflict with me. These guys are gentlemen ladies! 

I ended up digressing for fun even though I wasn't really in the mood so it's like I snapped out of that rut and went into entertainment mode for myself! I don't really mind picking up on readers and just leaving it there because that's what I'm really trying to go for.  

Things I Would Like to Do

I'm about thirteen days ahead of schedule with this post now, so I'm going to just keep this around. It's pretty straight forward so let's get to it because I sort of want to do this to put into some perspective and so I can pray about it later because I really should. I'm trying to not go back on what I tried to preach about praying and going after being a part of God's wonderful plan. 

I'm a little weirdo and really short guy so I'm trying to make money while outsmarting opponents at some random game like trading currency and ahem, Poker. Both of them are a game of skill and chance. The feelings of getting beat really sucks! Okay, I would like to check up on how my currency trades are doing once in the morning and evening because it's like I'm on my last month of testing now and hopefully, I can put together another consistent run and then just let it be. Let it be, drink words of wisdom, just let it be! 

I'm so tired and losing focus but I'm playing Animal Crossing and then some evening time online Poker and then getting ready for sleeping. I'm trying to make plans on what to also cook and work out regularly. Along with that, I have some online classes for working towards a Master's Degree. It's a finish at your own pace type of program so I've been really taking my sweet time. I do have growing taller stretches as well along with some growth spray to keep on using past my 40s just to see what happens, even if it's nothing. Might as well try to paint the barn by putting on my manly makeup! 

Finding Lack of Correlation

Nowadays, I don't think the level of naughtiness that I put on here really has anything to deal with me seeing cops that day. I guess I'm just more sensitive about what I put on this blog. Two people did claim I'm some sort of terrorist after going crazy from what I texted them. One guy is more settled in and acting a lot more chill with me even though he put a restraining order on me. He ended up hugging me too when I met him, so it's hard not to laugh about it and keep any grudges with him. He's acting more sane but yeah, he was crazy and is more nicer with me now. I guess he's fine even though he's still mad underneath and feeling bad about what he did to me. It was fun to let things go and I guess parting ways peacefully and on friendly terms is better. I'm still the same old cool and crazy cat!  

Personal Update

By the time this post makes its way, Mother's Day will be over. I need to go work on buying a present for her. The personality of girls is pretty interesting in that some are more laid back than others, but I guess that's normal. I'm thinking about girls while knowing it's supposed to be Mother's Day that's coming up! 

Well, it did do the job of making me laugh instead of talking about my boring progress. I'm just digressing again!   

Interesting Dream

I finally had a dream where I ended up talking to a couple people who have a grudge on me and patching things up with them. With the lady I talked to, she was really nice in my dream and talked about her concerns with me. I seemed to get along just fine with her. Next I went to go talk to an unknown face who is a guy and there was a lot of conflict still like he was trying to force me physically to get away from him. I feel a little bad for doing this but I ended up overpowering him in my dream and then woke up.

I think this seems very realistic in that I have learned to be a much more charming guy while dealing with ladies, but I still really have no clue how to approach those guys. Anyway, I have been trying to spend more time with females since I just like being around them more than guys right now. It's probably because my repressed soul wants to get married to a hot lady some day and to hopefully enjoy a lot of recreational love making while hoping to never get bored of it. I want to go all the way and do it for mainly fun in marriage and hope I meet somebody for this. This is pretty much my dating profile description that I need to still update. 

Honestly, I don't think looks really matter that much to me now. I would like to center more on having fun and finding a lady who can keep up with me while being a darling. I have hung out with physically imposing ladies like they are super tall and overweight but when they shared photos with me of when they were much younger, boy they were really hot. I'm not sure I want to be with a really tall and overweight lady who could pretty much pass for being the man of the house in our marriage. 

Pretty much, I have two Asian ladies to choose from right now and that's what it seems. Southeastern Asian ladies can be seen like hot commodities to average guys out there and that's what I have before me right now. I was a pretty good looking short guy when I was a lot younger but struggled from being so shy and having self-confidence. It was a work in progress that I had to deal with and my flaw was I didn't want to upset crazy people, which I kept on inadvertently doing. It was difficult to overcome, but what has helped me so much is just accepting they are crazy and feeling bad for them. I am totally convinced they are crazy, so there's no need to feel any resentment or let any anger stick around.  

Keeping A Happy Mind

Lately, I'm pretty much right there performing at a regular professional level. It's nothing stellar and noteworthy but my chances of doing well increase if I end up focusing and putting more work into it. Since I feel lucky to be paid for doing something with making a living, I'm trying to do something on the side to make it easier on me. I do see it as a possibility and it can get pretty hard so having this mentally tough mind is necessary to get somewhere. 

I seriously can't keep a grudge on people anymore, since my confidence is pretty high. I'm a lot more careful about how I conduct myself around them though because I think they are crazy! This mentality really works for me and I get to stay assertive even when I'm feeling really toyed with. 

I don't feel so much like something is holding me back anymore. It's just a matter of putting in the work and what's so great about it, is that it's really fun for me these days to get it done. It's enjoyable for me and I don't mind so much about it. I'm not so worried about becoming a millionaire with a lot of free time on my hands. I will still pay my taxes and try to cut corners just like any smart businessman would try to do. Ethically speaking, it's a game of wins and losses for me and that's the business I'm looking to jump into while of course going for huge wins that qualify for me to be in the rich bracket. It's hard work with mental consistency after realizing what the right thing to do is, along with constantly looking to self-improve. I'm pretty excited to just keep on trying even if I'm a nobody. I feel comfortable and at peace with where I'm at with myself right now. 

Maintaining Goals

It looks like my mind has become so opened up and accepting at the same time. I've learned to really communicate with the lady friends I like and it seems like there's definitely a possibility now of actually being together finally with one of them. What really helps out is that I don't really mind if she doesn't feel happy about the thought of being with me and will be a gentleman about it. 

It's helped me so much to build my personal confidence and to also approach it with how I think people are crazy if they are making me so mad for any reason. It basically keeps me from acting out in frustration because the other person is already crazy, so there's no point of doing it and also I feel pity for that individual. It really doesn't matter if they are even my supervisors and bosses because I still feel the same way about it. 

Being Rewarded With Effort And Time

I think consistency brings great dividends in the end and stopping it will only bring much more misery later on. I can understand how the stress can add up or maybe it's just personal pride with thinking how one can make up for it later on, but when that goes out the window, here comes the lack of self-confidence. I think this happened to my lady best friend. Now, I realize we could be more than just friends because she's grown a lot on me and it's really fun to do things with her. 

I also have another option with another pretty lady too! I have two ladies to choose between now and when there's signs of doubt, I just end up laughing about it and accepting how it went. It seems like I'm able to reset and play again though whenever I need to with them and they are still okay with me. Overall, it's a lot of fun to be honest and I'm understanding that you don't have to act like you are going all out most of the time to survive something. Even when you are in the competition of your life, I think it's great to reflect on what got you there and try to make your best footing. There can only be one standing, so I accept with not being that winner on a cook off show!  

I'm totally okay with people being better than me because it's not about that in general now. It's more about being self-aware and conscious with myself and practicing with what I enjoy doing and striving to be the best and even go beyond it with the human spirit that lies underneath. It's a really beautiful feeling actually. I really feel like I'm living the best I could right now and appreciating what this life has offered me and to even be thankful for the Lord and to have been awakened to enjoy and take a part of His transcending grace and overflowing love for us all. 

Understanding Mental Toughness

I think mental toughness occurs from being a positive person in general. I'm basically laughing at a lot of things that look like it's giving me a hard time now and over all the little things as well. I've learned to channel my anger or frustrations these days from just keeping it there and not letting it turn into a grudge by calling the other person crazy! By labeling the person to be crazy who is really ticking me off for any reason, I feel pity on that poor soul and so I don't need to feel any grudge for him or her. I can hope for him or her to get better and communicate in that manner while having room to laugh about it behind their backs later and no one else having to know about it. 

When someone else does that to me, I naturally give him or her a hard time. It's just how it's usually been for me. There are a few rare exceptional individuals I came across of all the people I know. It's like grinding for sunken treasure on a fun RPG and coming across a valuable item will not happen as often in percentages because of the common ones showing up. They exist out there like a gorgeous woman willingly chasing after an ugly man! It's just that the percentages aren't that high but if an ugly man does enough searching, then there he has it going for him.

Current Schedule Update

Right now, I'm having fun at home with playing this really addictive video game and it's just a simulation one. It's starting to get a little boring from being so repetitive now but it is fun doing the building and designing parts of it. It's a very stimulating and artistic game. It's like I can leave whenever I want to and pick up again just like real life so it's convenient to strive to play while satisfying some of my inner ambitions while having fun. 

I guess it's not really a bad thing then until I start getting really bored of it and then I'll come up with something else to do. I think I just need to give myself a gentle nudge with the things that I would like to do because it's so easy for me to start another personal complex. Mainly, I've learned that being assertive is really helpful and calling anything crazy that pretty much makes me mad keeps me from staying mad because I feel pity while being assertive right after labeling them that word. I think my parents are crazy, but they seem to not be confrontational so much with me anymore. I also think a manager at work is really crazy so I don't resent him for making me do something that he would be too old, impatient, and lazy to complete by himself! I actually take upon it as a job and something you have to do to help keep the vessel running, so no offense really taken with that crazy old man. 

Coming to Terms while Staying Kind to Self

It's pretty crazy how I can just become impulsive and start acting loony when I'm all by myself and feel like no one is watching me. The most crazy thing I do is just say a cuss word while talking to myself and I still think I said too much, since I like to carry this image of never having said a cuss word in my life. Well, that would be a lie and I admit that I'm a closet swearer. I want to fix this aspect with myself and exploring why I'm crazy like this is that I'm having trouble accepting my flashbacks of how I said something embarrassing or did something while feeling really pressured and it came out the wrong way. I do those things because I'm trying to get myself laughs, but then it does always come across as being wrong to a few crazy people out there too.

I'm going to try being more positive about this because I don't like cussing in general. I don't even do it around people, but then when I feel like there's no one around and I'm just there by myself, I become crazy in a verbal manner. I'm saying I'm being crazy because this is starting to annoy me! I'm going to commit to just absorbing all that negative energy now and commit to staying positive at a full scale mentally, spiritually, and physically. I want to be so in self-control and be in peace with myself and solve problems when I really have to. I think it really starts with recognizing my own triggers and giving myself a moment to double check my outgoing emotions and actions. It's pretty easy to do for me because I just don't want to let myself down and I've felt bad enough that I still remember the pain but I don't have a grudge with myself, so it's like I turn it into having a good time shortly after, most of the time.  

Another thing is to not put my hands in motion, like showing my middle finger to nobody and fist bump objects like you do with friends while I'm pretty mad. I've learned that it really hurts and is pretty stupid to punch something really hard when you are mad and I guess I'm still in control with myself so it's a good thing then but I want to really let this stuff go while staying kind in general. 

Things to Add on To

I just noticed with standard procedure of capitalizing the title of an essay, you lowercase the 'to' in an infinitive ( I want to add). An infinitive is the base word of a verb so for example -s, -ed, -ing aren't being used. The first rule is to capitalize the first and last word no matter what, so I felt like adding in 'To' at the end of my title for today's post which I have written after finishing two posts already! I'm still on a roll, man.

Trying to evoke laughs is still fun even though I can't see the reader's face. I'm just assuming it went well since it was so fun to try and was responded back to with no complaints about it. It's the power of suggestive imagination and can bring in the big bucks for all those talented authors out there.

With my current routine, I'm looking to do some cooking and working out a bit more besides just doing cardio of walking roughly two miles a day and on Saturdays, doing trail running of eight miles to a well-preserved natural lake with cool ducks unafraid of so many people who visit it on the weekends. In addition since I had to finish the sentence, I'm trying to incorporate a growing taller stretching routine with yoga stretches that supposedly make you appear taller. I permanently added only 1/2 of an inch at around age 26 from religiously following the uncomfortable regime for several months. It's a lot of stretching like twenty minutes daily! There's also a growth spray made up of amino acids that would go on your joints before you go to bed and supposedly stimulates growth hormone. I'm willing to try it out even past the age 40, just to see what happens even if it's nothing with money and time wasted.

I'm playing the piano and having a blast while having completely finished with writing a love song. I'm pretty stubborn with holding on to the lyrics and it's toned down a lot to a more manageable melody. The lyrics and tune go through interesting changes so it's like a song with three acts and will take about four minutes to get through all of it. I even bust some high notes because I have to!

Along with managing the Coronavirus by like buying additional masks and getting refunds from trips that have to be canceled, I also have an online Master's degree program that I decided to pay for and is a finish at your own pace curriculum, while being very strict on midterm exam policies. 

Establishing a Happy and Manageable Routine

I just did a little look up on how to capitalize an essay title, and it used to be something I had a really hard time figuring out on my own for the last twenty years. Just like that, in a matter of seconds after googling for it, I had my answer and the way I titled it for an essay now has the proper capitalization!

I'm really using a search engine to my benefit and even overhyped about how I could type it on the smartphone I have now too. This convenience of gathering information was probably the dreams of the pioneers who invented search engines, and it was probably Google who came up with the first, smart business plan and then conquered Netscape which couldn't compete against Internet Explorer. I think the problem with those cool Internet browsers is that it's such a hassle to download them and Windows comes pre-stocked with Internet Explorer so might as well make it the most commonly used one in the world!

It's just the psychology of convenience and how it's really difficult to gain something from having to put in the time and that it may not even be that worthwhile to someone nor interesting to stick with all of that hassle and stress of not knowing what to do. I have even taught a couple friends how to use a computer and it would take time on the go to download my favorite browser so I would demonstrate while using the one that's already there, whether it's a Mac or PC. 

It is pretty annoying in how dealing with having tutored a couple older ladies for free from the boomer generation, they just keep on being forgetful of what you have to do. Even a professional manager I worked with on a side project had this programmer's block and couldn't really figure it out. It really is a lot of sorting through details and takes awhile to get into the mind of how it's done and going through fixing the bugs while adding on things you missed on the fly with your powerful recalling skills.       

Things To Adjust In

Well, I guess it's not incredibly healthy to drive while sleepy and I did chew gum while driving to work really early in the morning. I think I'll just have to sleep a little earlier this time. I have been watching this cool anime, and I'm not sure I should share my entertainment values on this blog right now. The show is about this boy who ends up falling for a weird and cute chick who was born through aliens and has the same exact DNA has humans. She can even marry and give birth to regular humans and her purpose was to be like an ambassador or spy for her kind, even though her knowledge of whereabouts was completely wiped at birth. 

Pretty interesting dynamic because the creators made this chick to be a really nice person in the show! What's so interesting about the show, is that it explores the philosophy of existentialism while being entertaining. Another theme is having conflicted conscience from being ordered to do something and then wanting to atone for it. I guess overall, no matter how entertaining it is and knowing where my heart's at right now, I just really want to be of help really to others with places that nobody really can see and is so individualized that it's like small and won't ever be noticed by anyone except for the person you helped and then maybe he or she will end up forgetting about you later, but I'm not in it for any reward because of just who I am. Maybe, I just like being this hero who never gets any credit and being so influential and helpful to friends. 

Staying On Track

From what I understand now, I think being selfish will just lead to depression in the end anyway. For a crazy guy I know, it's really hard for him to get a lot done from just not being that smart so with the selfish things he holds onto and grudges he can't let go of; yeah, he would really benefit from learning to humble himself besides doing his personal ritual that serves to pump him up but not add on anything useful from lacking a hard work ethic. With this guy, I can see him being really being abusive with the powers that are given to him, and I'm glad the forces of nature will hold him back for possibly the rest of his life. I still text him a lot to tell him that I hope he improves as a person, while teasing him. 

I think it really does come down to personal stability and putting in a lot of work while staying focused and motivated. A lot of mistakes constantly happen and it's even painful but just plowing through it with ambition and not letting up is really setting yourself up for a nice reward in the end! I think this is necessary to do for being part of God's plan. It pretty much starts with what you are into and then praying about it, while seeking to act upon the Lord's will. The Bible does recommend setting aside a day of rest in complete honor of the Lord, so like going to church for a day of worship even though I've felt like it's still work to wrestle with theology and trying to stay awake during sermons. 

The Lord truly knows what makes a devoted believer happy. Only to submit to His ways and trust in Him, can really things that go against our nature really occur. It really comes down to values doesn't it in the end for satisfaction. Are you really happy being a minimalist, somewhere in between, or going after a high quality of life? It really comes down to your heart and how you set your relationship to being with the Lord. 

Committing To The Plan

Right now, I guess I feel the most motivated to keep on growing to reach financial independence and so I can finally move out of my parent's home and go do something better. By having financial independence, I won't feel so bad about marrying someone out of my race if it happens and needing to ask my parents for anything especially money. I believe that my parents are very ethnocentric and even though I'm open to marrying someone in my race, I don't believe it's the right view so I'm willing to work on myself to reach this independent level even if my personal happiness is being sacrificed. 

In a way, I still honor my parent's belief system but I don't see it as being anything that bad to go against even if it offends them so might as well focus on challenging myself to get to this point. I think I'm also open to not having kids either anyway, but still want to sign up for having a great sex life in marriage or until I get bored about it. I'm not sure I ever will but it would be interesting to find out and then to have a great companion in the form of spouse to go wherever the road leads to.

It really comes down to just finding the right person and taking my time for me. I have been putting in a lot of work on myself without paying for a therapist, so I'm pretty lucky that I can be very introspective and open about it. 

Staying Dedicated

I have been thinking to myself how it would be so hot to have this gorgeous body from working out and putting in a lot of good nutrients from cooking well and then to experience a lot of fun love making with someone I end up marrying. Maybe, the looks department is something I can't acquire that easily and it's good how I learned to be accepting and look more at the lady's insides. It's still nice to have someone and be totally comfortable inside and out with her, while staying confident even with others saying bad stuff about you behind your back related to any shallow things. I don't think I need to be driven crazy by it in the first place. 

Since I think of myself as a really short guy sometimes, I need to find satisfaction from elsewhere besides seeking for people expressing their recognition to me. It's just through hard work and passion, while making meaningful contributions that matter more to me even if others would think I'm crazy as a result. I find working at this personal confidence is what's about and pushing myself to go after reaching wonderful goals. I think I'm ultimately like a brother to most ladies in the end, but it's still fun to be able to hang out and have meaningful conversations. I don't have any problems with it so much anymore with how I turned out on the outside, even if there are some who may have a problem with it. I think they are crazy though if they act like they can't be friends with me, but I don't have any grudge with them since I'm the one who wants to always be friends, no matter what the circumstance is. 

Channeling Concentration and Effort

Yesterday which was a Sunday by the time I'm writing this, it seems like it was a minor drag to pay the bills for me. I'm starting to get pretty bored just sitting around at my computer watching entertaining videos. I think it's better that I just keep myself occupied with grown up things and focus on things that I want to get better at. 

A few things I'm starting to recall is that there's really not point in having a grudge with crazy people and since I want to get along with people, it's like if they say something to me then I'm going to counter and make them grimace for saying anything stupid about me. Basically, I have accepted that they are being crazy and don't really hold anything against them so I don't need to do anything that would resemble a grudge. I have found this method of thinking about others to work really well for me!

I have dealing with some procrastination like I know it's something that I need to take care of but I just kept on wanting to put it off. I think with things like these I'm just going to have to do it out of personal discipline. It was relieving to get it done finally and at least I made the day memorable for me with doing something more meaningful even if it's something really normal that everybody else would do. 

Keeping Things In Order

I think the main thing for me is to pretty much keep myself reminded, and it's true with how I can't do everything on my own. My time is so limited, and I just want to work hard on something and obtain it. I'm ready to just accept how things are and go from there now. 

With the Lord being awesome, I would really like to keep on trying to pick up on Scriptures whenever I'm just able to open myself to it. I'm just listening to a Bible audio repetitively and trying to retain it. I have lost count of how many times I have put it on and just let my mind wander while letting it go from Genesis to Revelations. It's pretty much the only thing I try to listen to while driving. I can easily spend about ten hours a week in my car just to commute through traffic. I'm still trying to make strides with it.

I guess that's what really a lot about my life is about, which is just striving after something and being close to it but just not reaching it yet. I think it's just a matter of commitment, focus, and just continuously working at it while keeping a healthy and patient mind about it. It's really helpful to just have this winning attitude. I think that's what I'm really looking forward to overall. 

Starting To Just Go Figure

Practically from trying to be a no nonsense person, I keep forgetting on doing things because mainly, I'm interested in having fun to the point that maybe I want to put off on acknowledging the Lord from being so forgetful. Yet, whenever I take a few seconds to think about it, I just can't help feel the love from the grace Christ has provided me. 

Yesterday, I realized that I was chasing after the Lord's heart by messaging a long lost friend who has turned into an acquaintance I haven't talked to in like ten years. She still remembers me and even went along with the grudged attitude a small church crowd had for me, which is because they are crazy and something to totally laugh about now. I don't know how people I told outside the church started laughing about it, which I'm sure would also affect these crazy people's egos unless they are able to repent of it. I'm sure they could because it's really no big deal with what I did in the end from not having done anything totally wrong while trying to conduct myself to the best of my ability and with humbleness. They were just crazy and kept on telling me I wasn't doing anything wrong and holding a grudge while telling me they had nothing against me. It was really incinerating but I don't hold any grudges back with them doing that to me. I learned a long time ago to value friendships, no matter how annoying or dorky they can be.

Overall, I can tell she's still a pretty dainty lady and takes responsibility to do her part from feeling attracted to the Lord's work. Along with her personal feelings aside of worrying and not being sure of what I'm about, I give her a run for her money but she possesses a lot of grit and commendable poise. She's practically awesome in my view since she has been able to consistently share with me encouraging devotionals that she likes to read. A few of them have been challenging and could have been that she was also testing to see if I would run away, but I didn't and received it with open arms which probably could have shocked her. She isn't perfect by any means, but she does feel happy to be in her place after I mentioned to her that I think the Lord used her to help me out and gave her my blessing.   

Living Out A Routine

By dealing in my faith and having fun with my spiritual gifts of shepherding, mercy, and encouragement, I do a lot of texting in these times and just recently, I started to patch things up by calling some people I know crazy and that I'm putting aside my personal issues with them. The cool part is that I don't really care to talk behind their backs and even told them so because I believe in this direct exchange with one another and saying what you need to say. Even if I'm going to say something about them while mad and they aren't around, I like to be honest and blunt about it with others and admit to it even in front of them. I still want to have a decent relationship because I love friendships no matter how annoying it gets for me. It's just one of my undeniably stubborn traits.

Therefore, I get mad at stupid and crazy actions I perceive upon myself when it comes to relationships but still never hold a grudge with the person. I can understand now that they are doing it because they are crazy and even holding a grudge with me because of my wild and annoying antics! I try my best to not be annoying and keep a working relationship. Sometimes, it's just too much for them and they just blow up and can't let it go until they realize how stupid everything is and even able to laugh it off while not caring about how they were mean to me from being so mad. It seems like I don't really care and act like it still so it makes sense. I am mad though, but willing to still work with them at the same time. It's just that they are being crazy and it's something I have learned to finally accept even though I didn't want to all this time. It's basically a very smart move for me.