It's pretty crazy how I can just become impulsive and start acting loony when I'm all by myself and feel like no one is watching me. The most crazy thing I do is just say a cuss word while talking to myself and I still think I said too much, since I like to carry this image of never having said a cuss word in my life. Well, that would be a lie and I admit that I'm a closet swearer. I want to fix this aspect with myself and exploring why I'm crazy like this is that I'm having trouble accepting my flashbacks of how I said something embarrassing or did something while feeling really pressured and it came out the wrong way. I do those things because I'm trying to get myself laughs, but then it does always come across as being wrong to a few crazy people out there too.
I'm going to try being more positive about this because I don't like cussing in general. I don't even do it around people, but then when I feel like there's no one around and I'm just there by myself, I become crazy in a verbal manner. I'm saying I'm being crazy because this is starting to annoy me! I'm going to commit to just absorbing all that negative energy now and commit to staying positive at a full scale mentally, spiritually, and physically. I want to be so in self-control and be in peace with myself and solve problems when I really have to. I think it really starts with recognizing my own triggers and giving myself a moment to double check my outgoing emotions and actions. It's pretty easy to do for me because I just don't want to let myself down and I've felt bad enough that I still remember the pain but I don't have a grudge with myself, so it's like I turn it into having a good time shortly after, most of the time.
Another thing is to not put my hands in motion, like showing my middle finger to nobody and fist bump objects like you do with friends while I'm pretty mad. I've learned that it really hurts and is pretty stupid to punch something really hard when you are mad and I guess I'm still in control with myself so it's a good thing then but I want to really let this stuff go while staying kind in general.
