I guess I'm practically this selfish guy who wants to feel good about himself from just trying to be nicest as he can be. Someone like me needs something to be able to measure how well I'm doing at being nice. I found the comparison I needed from a group of church people who ended up kicking me out! It's hilarious and I'm not lying about it either.
For the longest time, I was really furious and holding a grudge against them acting so crudely with me by yelling and hurling insults while not explaining themselves when I demanded it. Yet, it's through these tough times that I've learned that I can still care about these people more than they care about me. This really makes me feel good about myself.
It took a long time to gain back some reason and to let all my steam dissipate. I have come to realize that they are replaceable people. It really doesn't matter what they did to me or how they want to think about me. When you look at it, they couldn't wrong me even though they tried to put me in prison. I was really offended by this as well and so angered by it to the point that I wanted to go beat someone up. However, I wasn't going to risk being sent to prison for real afterwards.
The closest time I came towards it was throwing a heavy Jehovah Witness book at the head Christian pastor who teaches a form of something called the prosperity doctrine, which also ended up enraging me. I did this in front of everyone at one of their Sunday Service and fell down the stage stairs while trying to make an escape. It totally did them in and I got away with acting like a fool. I don't remember what car I owned at the time, but I don't think it was my convertible. The most important thing is that I voluntarily left on my accord. Thinking about the aftermath, I remember hearing this high-pitched controlled scream and the pastor's wife standing up.
It's a witnessed and shared tale that I believe scared the wit's end of a lot of the former members who could claim that I went crazy and turned into a lost cause. A lot of them moved on to other churches, but two of them who started it with me ended up staying.
They are replaceable people in my life. There's really no need to worry. I'm just this selfish person who wants to see them in person to discuss how much I'm better and nicer than they are and still offer renewing our friendship, while disregarding their personal feelings. I don't mind telling them this and then offering my opinion that I think they should go seek a therapist to talk about their anger issues because they probably aren't going to be feeling very happy about me bringing up the past that they feel really flustered about. It deals with me and them and how I don't care about the past and want to turn the page while being on friendly terms because it just feels good having a strong personal opinion that I'm better than them at living life!
