I'm starting to enjoy staying relaxed and not stressing myself out while trying to go after some endeavors. I should have done this a long time ago, but parents influenced me as two opposing forces going at it with each other. Observing it, I was practically a kid who was forcing himself to do well at school and be a model citizen all the time. I was quite good at it and even well-liked by my classmates.
It's weird but I ended up becoming weird from falling into a deep addictive cycle of burying myself into entertainment and not being able to manage my priorities that well. It would just constantly fill me up with guilt. I still enjoyed doing it but I would feel guilty and sometimes just completely empty and disillusioned about what I got myself into.
Okay, I was definitely a candidate for going to see a therapist but I couldn't open myself up enough like I'm able to now and not feel that guilty. My mom thinks a person should hide all the negative things he or she possesses from the public and only be yourself around family members. This never did fly really well with me since I was willing to make myself into a sponge and find the right mentor but that never ended up happening for me.
My parents put themselves in a bad spot and just took care of their finances that could have been carried out in a less riskier fashion. I think it's more common than one can think though, and I consider myself to be lucky to have parents who stuck together even through all the bad fights and get lucky with making a living on their own while not having known enough things.
