I guess it's really hard to put into words, but from just not caring about considering the past anymore, it's made living quite a bit easier. I think it got here from doing a lot of self-reflecting and going through so many repeats of emotional ups and downs. I mean I was finally able to pinpoint what I truly wanted from analyzing the same dumb details that bugged me for the last decade.
I guess I really could have sought after a therapist to speed things up, but from knowing myself, I prefer to figure it out on my own for that lasting satisfaction from finally getting something. I'm just thankful to like the Holy Spirit and the Bible with having been there to help pick up my downcast soul.
Things feel unbelievably happier underneath for me. This sensation is so wonderful that I don't really mind taking my time at getting to know my future wife. Simply put, I just stopped caring about thinking what went wrong once I came up with a good conclusion and figuring out what I was trying to do at the time. I was totally a lost shell and causing others to selfishly push me away from not wanting to talk about something. I don't really care anymore and don't mind getting to the point now.
Basically, if they don't like me as a person then I'm ready to accept it while not caring about their judgement or attitude towards me. I can then move on after hearing this from them. They are the ones who have the sinful or selfish attitude and not me, because I don't mind working at it with them and carrying a friendly relationship since I truly don't care what's going on wrong inside their little heads!
I have come to accept that I am more open about being forgiving, no matter what happened, even though circumstances may strain the relationship. Others might not be able to from having issues they don't want to sort out. I'm cool with putting myself on that high chair and then moving on while being successful towards reaching my goals.
