4AverageLife's Main Personal List
1. Fall in love with the type who fulfills my preferences and then marry this good woman.
2. Work out regularly with cardio-muscular exercises.
3. Become a millionaire with a lot of free time on my hands as soon as possible without stressing myself out.
4. Play everywhere with the DJI FPV drone.
5. Buy a single family home.
6. Finish my software engineering related courses.
7. Work on applying clean stuff to my face.
8. Continue to do growing-naturally-taller routines, even if some of them are a scam!
9. Read as a habit
10. Force myself to initiate cooking.
11. Force myself to initiate doing proper things at work.
12. Speed up process.
13. Research for future trips. Buy tickets and book an Airbnb. (After paycheck)
14. Conduct regular hygiene. Take shower before sleeping.
15. Get car registration settled (After paycheck)
16. Buy a close friend a birthday present (After paycheck)
17. Prepare for trips. Create and use checklist
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With the soulmate who won't count as one to others except to me and again, this is because I'm letting myself stay crazy here permanently while acknowledging that almost everyone will disagree with me, I think she's settling with her current boyfriend because he's only good looking enough for her! I also think her boyfriend can do better than her.
This is really none of my business to say anything about my personal opinion with their relationship in their social circle. If they are happy from being able to still work it out, then great for them!
Plus, I'm not interested in being with this soulmate anyway so it doesn't matter who she's with as long as she's happy.
It took me a while to realize why I was mad at her. I thought she was being dishonest with me about her relationship initially with this new boyfriend and was moody and was acting like such a train wreck while constantly spending a lot of time with her.
Deep down, I know that she really loves me still since she already told me in person privately a while ago so it doesn't hurt to claim that she still does! Sadly, I'm not into her because she doesn't have enough qualities I look for in a partner and also has a little too many breakups with several exes and a couple nasty divorces to go with it even though she tried her best to minimize some personal damages.
One of it wasn't her fault from being cheated on and for the other, she ended up bailing on an ex-husband she fell in love with and was treating her so badly verbally and psychologically. In some of her defense though, he wasn't interested in going to couples therapy.
She felt that turning into a mean and cranky lady would get her some results and became sort of accustomed to it. I guess it's because it worked on her mean ex-husband who begged her on his knees to sign some papers to receive some settlement money. She felt some power or maybe just had a life changing moment with becoming more impatient and then had plenty of moody situations that weren't fun for me to be around.
I'm going to withhold talking about my feelings with her current relationship to others in person. I'm just going to be rather quiet about it, but I did write how I felt about it in this post briefly. If she's still together with him, then she must be doing something right or this could be how well-experienced she is at maintaining a long term relationship. I think she holds back on letting out some angry thoughts, so I can tell it will then be a little struggle with this boyfriend of hers who is good-looking to her but might have a few key relationship differences so she must still think it's worthwhile to work for it and keep that cute infatuation alive with him as long as she can. She has blatantly revealed several times that she values physical attraction the most at this stage of her life. I think it's a slippery slope for my own preferences because there can be some shallowness attached to it but it's her own happiness to pursue. People might argue in favor of this but I think it's mainly about what feels good and right to them. It's their right to feel this way, but if they don't want to accept how I see it while putting up a strong emotional reaction then I think they could go see a therapist about it. Overall, it's a strong emotion that's being put to the test without them being perfect themselves. Therefore, I don't feel bad for myself nor her anyway now.
After all, this slightly bad friend I'm taking a break from is still a soulmate I can reconnect with whenever I'm ready even though I'll never want to be her life partner afterwards! It will suck to talk about dating with her, so I don't want to ever get into that. I already have other women I prefer talking about it with. This feeling of sadness while talking about dating is also the same with a close friend I'm not into but she currently does have the greatest potential to be my desirable partner. She can definitely work on it, and I guess she does have enough interest in improving herself to put in some effort. It's also another quality I admire!
