Personality Flaws

I guess a lot of it has to do with what one would personally expect out of him or herself and then seeing if those goals are being met. It's very difficult and is like at certain points or maybe for awhile, it would be like feeling numb to everything and just doing it for going along with the flow. More often than not, it could bring a person down if this expectation also has a certain time frame because life isn't always going to roll along smoothly like that. It's the truth and possibly thinking in a different matter is going to be important to ensure a successful outcome.

Life is just filled with so many distractions that cater to this individualism of feeling lost and seeking to be entertained to just fill the nights. Man, it can get boring sometimes and I just don't know how people just can manage to stand it. It's depressing to sit there watching episodes and then to get the dreaded re-runs! I guess since television is catered to the general audience and those TV companies want to make money off of them, they would coyly make the user feel like he or she is in power and can judge which is the best show. It's just how it's always been and the content that's being presented took a lot of preparation and money, so it would have to be this entertaining material that investors would be able to profit off the masses.

I guess it's just about getting carried away that can happen and then it leads to so much time being lost from being exposed to this clingy subject or matter and out of that, it naturally can lead to a comfortable living for the author of it. We definitely have the right to choose what to be supportive of in the end and for whatever reasons. It's just that sometimes our hearts might be too weak to stay resilient and we end up giving up something that's important especially our time and feeling sheepish about it. I really don't regret the money and planning I put into it last week to enjoy a weekend hiking trip with a friend. It was an excellent rush and totally enlightening.

Hey, Finally A Chance To Lead A Girl!

Hey, I finally have a chance to lead the same girl for weeks with different events that we agree to do! She's like my traveling buddy in the form of like a sister and the only relation we have is that we have common interests and are budding really well from that. Anything can happen, but I don't think I fit her preferences of how I look and she's still at that age where she might slowly be letting that go too. Okay, then I think it's just preferences then if there's anything romantic that's going to happen but I think she just wants me around so she can hang with a guy she really trusts.

Her younger sister is still quite a mess, but is willing to do most fun stuff with me. She always has fun and likes to invite other friends as well. I'm open to that. She's trying to get me in a relationship with a cute girl and believes I can land a very hot girlfriend someday. Hey, I like the confidence she has with me!

Basically hanging out with girls, I'm getting introduced to several girls from being really good friends with them and they are open to helping me find a great girl who I can settle down with! Those female friends are single and pursued after but I haven't really acted in that manner. I guess it's something that's just been naturally set in stone for me to eventually meet the right one, thank God.

Financial Success With Reach

I believe that I have found my main source of information and from having tested it, I want to commit to its philosophical methodology. It has all the tools I need and is just going to take some daily practice for what I want to accomplish. I'm going to withhold from revealing it because I don't want others to take advantage of it as well. If anybody wants to be successful with it, then he or she is going to have to put the work and time into studying it as well. It's not easy at all and can be very baffling, so it's only meant for people who were born to find out about it.

I don't even want to teach people either about it and be involved with anybody else in my own business. I'll just manage my own business affairs so I can be the one who reaps all the profit. It's a very unique setup that is practically my own style. I'm glad that I finally stumbled upon the right source and it took years of trying to practice it while being in the dark. I guess that's why some people in the message boards have stated that a good majority will give up when they were already within cusp of greatness. I pretty much see the light at the end of the tunnel now and excited about keeping myself moving to reach it. I guess anybody can call it luck, but I don't think I'll be talking much about my success if I get so good at it because I would rather keep that under wraps.

Maybe just family and friends will know what I do on the surface, but I'm not going for passing knowledge on this. I will however diversify my portfolio a little and attempt to break into other useful stuff to pass off my time if I became so successful that I don't need to work. Why not do something to profit even greater and have fun with something cool afterwards? This would mean that I can socialize with like-minded people to have fun and possibly make a little more money. It will be like giving back from being blessed to people to I care about and are willing to work hard for their money.

I wouldn't want politicians telling me where I should put my money and with them wanting to raise taxes to support their efforts to solve problems. I have lost faith in them long ago. The conservatives who care about minimizing taxes and implementing cost effective strategies are the honest ones that I would love to keep in office. I think overall, I'll put my money into charities that mean so much to me so that I wouldn't have to be taxed and forced into a political scheme that I would have no interest in.

Happy Mother's Day

There's really not much to say on this title, so I don't know why I even bothered to write it. I'm going to roll with it and see where it takes me. I would like to be a son that would make my mom happy, but I don't act that way at all for her! It's because I still bear a grudge for how she mishandled a bad situation with me and started going off crazy with me and just yelling. I still didn't change for her back then, but that memory really drives me crazy but only a little now.

My mom wasn't perfect by any means and really ticked me off a lot for how she raised me, so I don't want to behave that way with my own kids. I remember having a discussion with a Bible teacher in Sunday school and she started mentioning how kids can grow up to behave like their own parents. Umm yeah, my mom's style of parenting isn't mine and you don't have to count on it! I think the main reason a lot of girls tell me is that it's because I'm a guy.

I feel bad for a buddy. He's not that smart and can start thinking a little crazy while being afraid to do anything about it. He's living with his mom and has had no real job for a few years and doesn't want to find any job from thinking it's stressful and is already 34 years old, yikes! He even complains about what he's trying to study to become, an artist. Well there's one thing I regrettably introduced him to and that's the professional card playing game Magic: the Gathering. He doesn't have what it takes to go pro and he's wasting his time from consistently playing it and not talking about his losses and boasting about his wins. He loses a lot more than he wins, so he brags a lot about it when he does! I feel sorry for introducing him to this game because he's hooked and doesn't want to do anything else, but win and make money and have it come to him easy. He just isn't that smart to make that happen and I mean he can put in a lot of effort, but he still misses some obvious key steps and then he just stubbornly dismisses them while thinking that he's better than most people. Yeah, I told him that I'm not helping him anymore mainly because I give up and his mannerism isn't helping at all for me with it being so annoying!

What Remains

The Bible mentions there are three things that will remain: faith, love, and hope and the greatest of these is love. Thinking about it God is eternal and will always be here and He knows exactly how the future will play out. God's main attribute is love and God is undeniably perfect with His ways and for reasons that I cannot see. His ways are higher than mine and that's in Proverbs I believe. It would make sense then a verse says God is love!

What remains for me in a human point of view is that things will just keep on moving forward even after I'm no longer living. I will be replaced by another and my personality will eventually be forgotten by everybody on this planet. It's just how life is. Is it depressing to me? I have learned to accept it so I don't need to go crying or complaining about it while yelling like an angry bird!

I would like to live my life for things that are absolutely worthwhile now. People aren't really going to be that way 100%, but God commands that I shouldn't go tell off Lee and her weird gang at her church with a "Go screw yourselves!" I will be obedient to the Lord, even during my rough times. The Lord's principles found in the Bible are infallible and trustworthy and praise worthy!

Best Advice Ever

It looks like the best known advice that not a lot of people like to do is to go with the Book of Proverbs in the Bible! I think it will definitely help by following its principles in the area of becoming very productive. There are some areas that need to be worked on and if a person can do well at them then he or she is going to experience enough success.

I guess Proverbs is my solution then for finding out how to make myself into a more successful person so that I can live out my life happily for the Lord. I'm not a big fan of the prosperity doctrine where the thinking is if you have a great relationship with the Lord then you will be blessed financially. Yeah, some ministers of that mindset say that so they could relax after collecting a bigger paycheck from their congregation! Actually, the Bible says that God has created some people to be poor and they are in fact happy, so being wealthy isn't some requirement or effect that occurs from being a Christian. Boy that church I went to wasn't teaching the Bible correctly.

Hope of God Church in Los Angeles and exiting at Ceaser Chavez Blvd from the 710 N Freeway is not a great Bible teaching ministry and just a social gathering for certain type of religious people who just have the knack for it. Hey I don't know if that girl Lee is still there, but she put a restraining order on me and I'm laughing about that. She took things too seriously over stuff that didn't really pertain to her and the material that she was complaining about with me isn't something the people she was standing for really cared for letting me know in person because it wasn't that big of a deal; otherwise, they would have. Lee was just messy in her logic because she had anger issues from something about me and couldn't accept it. Lee was just being selfish and deserved to lose and not have the restraining order extended, which is a natural thing that's going to happen for losers in general. I'm laughing! I have no worries if they want to try to say anything more against me or go for legal action because I'm just going to speak in a blunt fashion and invite others to have good laughs with me. Therefore, if that church reads this paragraph they will be discouraged from trying to do anything anyway!

Yeah, I immaturely laid the smack down on Lee and her weird group of bossy individuals, if they are still there. I don't even know and don't care to go check right now because it isn't even my time to do that yet. I think I'll just be trying to understand and follow the principles found in the pages of Proverbs, so I can have a much easier time being happy with how I do time management.

Staying Focused While Distracted

I honestly don't really know how a person can concentrate with something serious while doing something so fun in his or her own free time. It's like an addiction from being so fun and enjoyable, but at the same time not really making much progress for yourself; don't you just hate that? I mean why not make money while doing something that's very fun to you. I really can't see how watching TV all day and doing that for life would even be enjoyable. I just can't do it. It's probably that it's fun when doing that for like an hour and then going for another and slowly keep on adding to finish the series or catch up for the next episode and never going to sleep because you have to keep viewing it a little more.

I remember a roommate saying that he can handle staying up late all day and be up to work early the next day. Well it figures he ended up lying about it. He then does the same thing after recovering and when I ask him the same question he just doesn't care to respond back and is like go away to me. I don't think asking questions is the way to get to this former roommate.

It was very frustrating to ask some weird acquaintances questions I already knew the answer to when I knew something was wrong with them. This problematic behavior of mine got me a restraining order after they got so fed up and called the cops on me because I kept on just trying to ask them questions that made me keep getting more frustrated at them. They were basically calling in professionals to tell me to shut up. At least I know what the answer is to those questions I was asking. They didn't really know the answer because they thought crazy from the start already!

It's not that big of a deal and I'm not plotting to kill them even though I became angry after feeling devastated from having a restraining order. I don't know why if they thought I was a scary man because obviously you don't put a restraining order on just annoying people, but he also needs to be scary for you to call the cops; they still must have thought they were the smartest people in the world for deciding to go put a restraining order on a person who they think is a very scary man who can plot to kill them because he is offended. I'm not them, but I'm just saying!

To stay focused while being distracted, the first step is to come to acceptance about it and wish upon yourself to get stuff done instead of just sitting there having so much fun and saying I want to have even more fun and not get to it. I don't know but maybe I had an inferiority complex that kept me glued to feeling stupid while I had so much fun playing video games and not making money off of it.

Basically, self-awareness plays a huge role and it's also about having self-discipline. I'm sure a good number of people even if they look hopeless with no chance of any success would want to be encouraged to keep at it. I honestly think they just give up and stay quiet about it even though they talk about how they want to better themselves every once in awhile. They can also laugh at other people's clumsy mishaps and not their own obviously because they wouldn't find it funny, but laugh out a storm when they see it happening to other people in their situation. Actually, they probably wouldn't laugh if it happened to them too much, but something that didn't happen often they would laugh. I know this because two of my buddies are not that successful and act in this manner.

I think overall it's about sticking to what you personally value and prioritizing your preferences with the important and less serious ones. It would be awesome to just nail everything on my list which would take up the whole day for me. I have some work cut out for me to be able to get there. Everything shouldn't really be so stressful because it would be what you desired in the beginning and just have to tough it out sometimes, until the opportunity comes to be able to move on.

Living For Jesus

Well I try to even though I fail quite often. Yes, I am making fun of myself as a Christian! I'm going to try to read like three sections a day with this Bible commentary that goes through all the verses one by one. I'm pretty dumb with learning the Bible besides wanting to fall asleep sometimes, but yeah, I feel this tingle daily that makes me want to change. I believe man in Jesus for having paid for our sins already! I just got to read the Bible man and learn how I could grow in my walk with the Lord.

Other than that, I'm learning how to not to think like an argumentative psycho! I'm not going to kill anybody but I will attempt to mentally bash people from saying mean words. It's not nice at all and I need to stop saying BEEP this and BEEP that in my head while thinking about a shallow and mean girl who I'm still mad at after all these years. I didn't give her the proper talk that I messaged some old acquaintances with and so that anger issue lingers with her as well. Oh well, she's long gone and I shook hands with like her last year too. It's weird how God or fate or something forced me to see her and I was like all shaking in my legs and like oh Jesus!

Yeah, I'm just laughing it off now. I need to start thinking chill as well even though I can force myself to look that way on the outside.

Personal Areas To Work On

This topic is really just pertaining to me from sharing my goals. I'm very heavy on making them and trying to execute them on a daily fashion. It appears that I'm almost always spending a lot of time with trying to have fun instead of developing more for my other areas. I guess this would be normal anyway.

Blogging on here happens to be one my objectives as well and would love it to be something I do daily, so that's where my attempt to write one post everyday comes from. I'm never going to follow through with it because some days I'll have nothing to cram in here; whereas on others, I would be able to brainstorm a lot of topics to write away with 

I'm honestly glad that I've become a very accepting individual with myself lately. I guess if I can ever make any more discussion points with my goals that I'm trying to nail spot on then I'll mention it. It really looks like I have filled up my objectives so much that I won't finish all of it in a day. I might not be able to call it my daily agenda anymore. Maybe I could try alternating.

Overall, what's really hurting me from getting all these goals straightened out is that I'm lacking self-awareness of how I'm using up my time and also going for activities that are fun and can be less stressful. I guess it's just going to have to be all in my willpower and with knowing myself, I'll just go for consistency as best as I can. 

5-15 Minute Personality Test

The 5 minute personality test was designed by Dr. Gary Smalley. This is taken from Pretty Asian Lady's Blog :

Choose the item in each line that is most like you and put a 4. Then pick the item that is next most like you and put a 3. Then 2 and then 1 which is least like you. Do this across the page for each list of descriptors.

1. ____ Likes authority ____Enthusiastic ____ Sensitive Feelings ____Likes Instruction
2. ____ Takes Charge ____Takes Risks ____ Loyal ____ Accurate
3. ____ Determined ____ Visionary ____ Calm ____Consistent
4. ____ Enterprising ____ Verbal ____ Enjoys Routine ____ Predictable
5. ____ Competitive ____ Promoter ____ Dislikes Change ____ Practical
6. ____ Problem Solver ____ Enjoys Popularity ____ Gives in To Others ____ Factual
7. ____ Productive ____ Fun-loving ____ Avoids Confrontations ____ Responsible
8. ____ Bold ____ Likes Variety ____ Sensitive ____ Prefers Perfection
9. ____ Decision Maker ____ Spontaneous ____ Nurturing ____ Detail Oriented
10. ____ Persistent ____ Inspirational ____ Peace Maker ____ Analytical

Then add up the totals … simple : )

Add totals for each column and you will end up with your animal. (I'm not trying to copy the pretty Asian lady's blog, so I'm posting other cute photos on here instead of hers.) 

Photos taken from Google Images. Pictures are supposed to be same size to show no 

order of importance. Prepared by me from cropping with copy and pasting on Paint.

Lion – Column 1
This personality likes to lead. The lion is good at making decisions and is very goal-oriented. They enjoy challenges, difficult assignments, and opportunity for advancement. Because lions are thinking of the goal, they can step on people to reach it. Lions can be very aggressive and competitive. Lions must learn not to be too bossy or to take charge in other’s affairs.

> Strength: Goal-oriented, strong, direct
> Weakness: Argumentative, too dictatorial
> Limitation: Doesn’t understand that directness can hurt others, hard time expressing

Otter – Column 2
Otters are very social creature. Otter personalities love people. They enjoys being popular and influencing and motivating others. Otter can sometimes be hurt when people do not like them. Otter personalities usually have lots of friends, but not deep relationships. They love to goof-off. (They are
notorious for messy rooms.) Otters like to hurry and finish jobs. (Jobs are not often done well.) The otter personality is like Tigger in Winnie The Pooh.

> Strength: People person, open, positive
> Weakness: Talks too much, too permissive
> Limitation: Remembering past commitments, follow through with discipline

Golden Retriever – Column 3
Good at making friends. Very loyal. Retriever personalities do not like big changes. They look for security. Can be very sensitive. Very caring. Has deep relationships, but usually only a couple of close friends. Wants to be loved by everyone. Looks for appreciation. Works best in a limited situation with a steady work pattern.

> Strength: Accommodating, calm, affirming
> Weakness: Indecisive, indifferent, unable to express emotional, too soft on other people
> Limitation: Seeing the need to be more assertive, holding others accountable

Beaver – Column 4
Organized. Beavers think that there is a right way to do everything and they want to do it exact that way. Beaver personalities are very creative. They desire to solve everything. Desire to take their time and do it right. Beavers do not like sudden changes. They need reassurance.

> Strength: High standards, order, respect
> Weakness: Unrealistic expectations of self & others, too perfect.
> Limitation: Seeing the optimistic side of things, expressing flexibility

This is what I ended up with:

1. __1__ Likes authority __4__Enthusiastic        __3__ Sensitive Feelings    __2__Likes Instruction
2. __2__ Takes Charge    __1__Takes Risks         __3__ Loyal                 __4__ Accurate
3. __4__ Determined      __1__ Visionary          __3__ Calm                  __2__Consistent
4. __4__ Enterprising    __2__ Verbal             __3__ Enjoys Routine        __1__ Predictable
5. __3__ Competitive     __1__ Promoter           __2__ Dislikes Change       __4__ Practical
6. __4__ Problem Solver  __1__ Enjoys Popularity  __2__ Gives in To Others    __3__ Factual
7. __1__ Productive      __3__ Fun-loving         __2__ Avoids Confrontations __4__ Responsible
8. __2__ Bold            __1__ Likes Variety      __4__ Sensitive             __3__ Prefers Perfection
9. __4__ Decision Maker  __1__ Spontaneous        __2__ Nurturing             __3__ Detail Oriented
10. _3___ Persistent     __1__ Inspirational      __2__ Peace Maker           __4__ Analytical

       28                                  16                                26                                    30

I got 28, 16, 26, 30. The otter is my weakest category and probably because I remember the classroom setting the best while growing up. They were like the class clowns to me and when the teacher kicked them out, I was terrified of getting yelled at too. Therefore, when the teacher was having a bad day and then lectured everybody to let out his or her anger issues, I seriously hated my class sometimes (laughter intended).

I've learned to be assertive with angry people and trying to resolve conflicts over the smallest things in the past was a pain, but it gave me valuable people experience. I have accepted long ago that I'm not a very influential guy from face value and prioritized my life in this fashion but I do enjoy having deep relationships with friends and forming new ones as well. Quite possibly, the day I'm able to put it all together will be the time that I'm able to attract positive energy from a general crowd.

Not So Mad About It

I mean to say first that I can still get mad when I'm dealing with it in person or right after for awhile. It's just that I have finally come to acceptance with how things came about. I'm a very confronting type of individual over stuff that bothers me; unless, it's like a crazy driver who cut me off and I'm probably never going to see him ever again then I have no choice but to just get it off my mind.

Well, because I'm able to do that just like a decent number of good people, it must be pretty weird then that I still hung onto negative stuff with people that I ever associated with. The problem I had is that they were coming off as rude and ticking me off even more. They didn't know that they were being rude because they really didn't know why and gave off the impression that they didn't want to care where my complaint was coming from. The thing that prolonged it is along with me being the aggressor, I couldn't communicate it honestly with them out of holding onto pride that I'm an accepting person or something like that. Therefore, I was never fully satisfied in dealing with them and left them feeling some fear with me.

When I finally came out and this wasn't about my sexuality, it was about coming out with telling individuals what I was so bugged with them about through my writing; it felt like those individuals showed some form of regret and just shut down. Heck yeah, I feel good about that!

From my problematic behavior with being afraid to come out, it led to some people thinking crazy and a few restraining orders placed upon me. I never violated any court orders and they fell out even though Lee went for an extension. It was by technicality that she lost; I physically moved to another location and she didn't know where I was. It's either that or a person was supposed to hand me a document. Another loose interpretation would be that, she probably consulted some legal advice and from what I remember, a lady got denied an extension at court and she was before us too. I think her having lost by technicality is probably what Lee would selfishly want everybody to think if it ever came out, but she's a servant of a church. It looks so bad on her because it would show she isn't that forgiving of an individual and thinking that I haven't repented or something.

What makes matters worse for Lee is that I totally understand it wasn't even serious now. It's probably a hush and/or laugh situation now if it ever does get brought up. Lee would never want to ever think about it again and she's at my peril if I want to make fun of her. It's totally on me. I'm not mad about it anymore and even with the people at that church having acted idiotic towards me. It's all good and they can be totally shamed by me if I wanted it. It would make sense then for this one guy to feel bad about how he acted with me and to just leave that church while never wanting to come back. There's another guy who comes back and forth. I really want to sock him in the face, but I can't do that to Jarred because I would get legal ramifications for being a violent punk. I'm just going to have to use words and hold him in mockery or something to hurt his feelings and I think he'll just be laughing about how mad I was. That's just how it is I suppose. I basically have anger issues still than towards one guy Jarred because I haven't properly spewed my mouth at him yet and I even blocked him on my fake Facebook account too when I didn't have to. I just don't want to go back and unblock him so I can chew him out some more with my words. Those people act all dumb and pretend they aren't reading it and maybe they aren't either. It's probably because deep down inside they knew it wasn't serious and Lee is acting this way right now too.

I basically followed legal protocol and never messaged or contacted Lee while there was her restraining order on me. After she failed to get it extended and I knew about it from visiting her church which was hostile territory (obviously, I wasn't feeling threatened coming to church grounds), I started messaging her and making fun of her and getting rid of my anger problems from coming out. She hasn't shown signs of retaliating against me. I think overall, Lee is open to reconciling with me because she has to for saving grace with her church image. Lee really has a chip on her shoulder if she ever wants to laugh about it ( I don't see why though because I can now.) because of her poor irrational decision of putting that restraining order on me. I was just smart about it and I think she didn't factor that I would be playing very smart against her and exercising enough self-control which she must have thought was out of hand for me.

Consistency and Honesty is Good

I guess a lot of it really comes from having patience and accepting certain things when you know you are lacking in somewhere. It was really agitating when I wanted to do something in the past, but I just knew I didn't possess everything that I needed to make it happen, so I would feel so shy and nervous about it and still just go for it at the same time. I was basically working for stuff to happen while I planted a chip on my shoulder.

For some time as well, I felt really offended when people I hit up weren't able to make one of my events that I put my time into planning. I would feel massive hurt and disappointment like I was being rejected and just not understand why the successful people were able to do it. I was just assuming something made them popular with people so that's why they came to parties. I just didn't know what would make me popular back then. I'm glad I didn't fall into this personal trap of desiring social recognition from others so much that I wouldn't even have been myself.

I'm so dumb, but a few memories were so cool to hang onto, but those things are probably not so valued much by my friends. It was just something to do I guess once and then just forget and move on. They are normal people and not so ambitious like I am and some of them are fortunate to be smart enough and chill with me at the same time. I'm actually happy for those group of friends.

Useful or Fun and Useful

Instead of really allowing my life to be filled with distractions, I think I would like to really live it for God by just doing the best I can to live a full life. My personality is really in between and it's really hard for me to close in for myself what type of person I am except that I'm more extraverted rather than being introverted.

I'm actually pretty happy underneath and living with joy, but I still do get distracted by other stuff all the time and lose track of time. I guess I could try to live with better awareness of how I'm using my time in the present and just keep on going after improvement. It's maybe that I don't feel in the mood for putting work on myself sometimes and in the mood for having fun or sex so that's probably where my main weaknesses for time management occurs.

Since I feel good with where I'm at, I also don't really know how to go about with some steps in meeting the right people. Especially from having grown up as a timid kid, I really missed a lot of good opportunities. I also didn't feel like I had the proper resources as well, so I felt held back. It's pretty sad for me that I didn't live out my childhood the way I wanted to. I was also miserable back then and stuck in a pattern that I was having trouble crawling myself out of. I really didn't have anyone to show me how to do things, so I feel for people sometimes. Overall, I think it's just lack of confidence from not having had enough guidance that I supported and coming to the paths of growing with Christianity was very hard for me. Heck, I did recover from a form of mental illness from physically having had a chemical imbalance and hid it from the world so I made it on my own with no counseling which was extremely difficult.  

Walking Out On People

Because of my weird personality of liking to getting along with people and resenting my past behavior of yelling at a few guys and tackling them to the floor and then not making any sense to them because I was afraid of them getting back at me, I stuck around people who kept on yelling at me for reasons I still do not know!

Well now I have a good idea and it's only because I was the one yelling at people too, so I should know right? It's mainly from them being selfish about how things aren't right to them. Whether you choose to be a jerk or not with them in the end is entirely up to you though. It's really important to have at the very least basic communication skills before leading yourself up to yelling at people foolishly!

It doesn't matter that people did that to me at a church, which is supposedly loving and accepting. I know weird right? Yeah, they aren't really God's people to my eyes. There are a few there and so few at that church who literally live for God with all they can and have this major influence and impact around everybody's lives. I'm one of them and I do it so quietly and without much approval from those people who are bugged by me still to this day. I'm a force of nature for them to reckon with and they pretty much tapped out with my discouraging speeches that made them feel like they were condemned by me. Yeah, I was wrong for speaking in that manner, but hey at least I went for being honest and they aren't bugging other people like me so I'm happy for them as well as with me! So yeah, I don't really regret it because I told the truth even while I was going flaming mignon with them through my writing which is even worse because they can't find serious fault with me!

Because I yelled at people in the past, I have practice of learning how to get even via my communication patterns. The people who are bothered by me haven't done anything to me and make all these crazy scared claims about me. They just don't want to deal with that past nonsense and don't want to talk about their negatives and just shut me off because of it. I've noticed them looking like they felt guilty right after, so if I went up to them and let out all of my raw honest emotion with everything that I'm seeing with them, then they would end up smiling and relational towards me. I'm not hard to connect with and this was the thing that I was scared with them about doing, which is what left them so insecure with me to begin with.

I've learned my lesson that I need to be fully upright by not being afraid to accept how things are and to communicate justly from just being honest with all people. This is my way of truly being loving and the Bible is surely a godsend because I've lived by this proverbs in that book this whole time, "Honesty is like a kiss on the lips." I've been this way with little kids, babies, old ugly men, and even beautiful women. They all respond well to me communicating and being myself. My natural personality is likable and so this means when those people were ticking me off, I could have just walked out on them and told them the reason so they would feel bad for having been that way and reform in their personal interaction with me. It's just with me, but not with others unfortunately and I can't do much to help it at this moment because I never have enough information to get involved and execute properly.

My Cool Calling

I believe that my calling is to labor and become a wealthy man and live a very happy life! I mean that by having only one wife at a time without any divorce, so only way is if my imperfect wife passed away if I felt unhappy with her or she just cheated on me and wanted to walk out on me which would suck and mean divorce! I'm not counting on cheating with my wife and not even looking and/or masturbating to porno for that. I think I'll have all the satisfaction I need from marrying a gorgeous woman in addition to her already being so sweet naturally. I guess that's what true love would feel like to a normal man. Priority would come to making the wife happy and I hope I'll do enough for her and do the best I can while truly loving her which is what she would want.

It would be very stupid then after all of this intense laboring and waiting with finding the right girl, then to throw it away on one major fatal blow to the relationship! Yeah, I'm not having that and think I'm just going to practice by learning not to give into porn already while I'm all by myself. I guess some guys just justify with their own reasons and are crazy fans but yeah, there's nothing I can do about it.

On top of that, my calling also includes studying the Word with a man of God like J. Vernon McGee who lays out the whole Bible in his commentary in a verse by verse fashion. I run a Bible app on my phone and switch over to it after reading some verses and it just conveniently locates the related commentary. People even call it basic and I'm having trouble trying not to fall asleep while reading it with the Bible. Yeah, I choose Vernon McGee to be my central mouth piece with my quiet time. I do like Jack Graham's teaching called the PowerPoint which seems to connect really with me though. Overall, I'll listen and disagree at certain points but that's what Vernon McGee already mentions in his commentary so yeah, I think I'll stick with him. For my upbringing, I came to meet God through attending a Baptist church and Jack Graham leads a Baptist church so maybe it would make sense for me. Also I attended a Presbyterian church for awhile and Vernon McGee was Presbyterian in the beginning before switching over to non-denominational which is where I'm at now even with all this confusion with people's opinions being all over the place. It seems to make sense how I want to grow in the Lord through allowing these two to teach me.

Happy Where I'm At

I think a lot of how living life occurs really happens from having a proper mindset. From being an honor student in high school, I got lucky to be a part of going to see Magic Johnson speak to us. It was boring to be in that school and I just wanted to get out of there and never come back to it. I still feel that way to this day. Those classes were hot at times and it felt like I was just burning up in a very tormented place all day that felt too long. It was boring to me and I didn't feel motivated, but I was just this quiet kid while feeling like I had nothing going for me and just going along with the motion. It just didn't feel great for me even though I tried and I did stupid stuff that made me clean up right after and to never do that in the end too. I was just afraid of negative consequences which was the phobia of being outed for having done something wrong. One of my friends is still living with that mentality and it's not fun at all to be that way. I mean there are some really great days that you live for and those glory moments are what you recall to bask yourself in personal satisfaction or pride or whatever you want to call it.

Basically, Magic Johnson said to us from the way he lived his life so far at that time that he would be a happy dead man! This gets to the point of how I'm actually pretty happy with how things are going. I just feel this contentment and joy and excitement with some sort of balance in my life. A lot of it is thanks to having pretty good friends and even though they have their shortcomings, I still love them a lot. I also have this faith in Jesus and to trust in the Bible while chasing after God's Word. The focus should be on what Jesus says and not some leader at the church- he or she is just a mouth piece in the body of Christ. The full body which is what everybody is a part of is needed to function with carrying out God's mission to eventually lead much as possible into having a relationship with the Father through His Son. "Go out and make disciples" for Christ was his last command for all the followers before he ascended into heaven in front of 500 witnesses. Interesting claim that wants to be still challenged or just dismissed from natural skepticism. I can accept that view, but I have to affirm that I have been transformed through acknowledging the saving grace of a wretched soul like me, a sinner who continues to keep on sinning. I suck! I'm just glad that this faith is about being getting better each day, which works really well with my personality. It isn't even justified by what I do. It's just from having faith that I'm living how I want to for the Lord each day.

Aha Moment!

I feel bad for the homeless people out there and how they just keep on piling up at random places all over downtown Los Angeles. I think I have finally figured it out from accepting how things are. A person who begs for money is someone who has the intelligence to think for himself. He or she just needs to go find the right people or place to get help.

This means that it isn't wrong to refuse giving them money on the street. I make exceptions without judging if they ask for reasonable things like some change for taking the bus. Okay, I will make the exception there; otherwise, I really shouldn't bother even if they are too weak or hungry. The only time I think in a Biblical sense would be so proper is if they can no longer think for themselves. If they are vocal and asking for something simple like money or even holding a sign, then it means you don't have to. I'm sure the majority of those homeless people wouldn't give either to each other if they were in our shoes.

God has a purpose with them being there and so I think it's in their place to rightfully suffer for whatever predicament and if God wills it, they can come up with a brilliant plan to get out of their financial or health issues and also work diligently to get there.

Building From Yesterday

For my top five goals that I wanted to complete, I ended up finishing about 3.5 of it. When I got back home, I had dinner that my mom made me. Eventually, I'm going to have to be able to meal prep for myself (my left out goal for yesterday); unless, I'm blessed to marry a woman who loves to cook delicious food! Also, my time will come where I will have to leave my parents. The fact that I'm 34 and still living with them and a virgin is insane! I accept the situation that I'm in. It looks like even though people may have had sex, the normal person doesn't really seem to be so mindful with discussing about it. In a way, it's like they did that in the past and maybe if it worked out for them then it's great; otherwise, just the way things are.

Getting back to discussing about my goals, I played piano while accompanied with singing contemporary Christian songs for a good 45 minutes without realizing how I was having so much fun. I even thought how one of my songs I'm working on could be used to make fun of Lee in a psychotic fashion and I practiced with that imagination in mind. I'm thinking about being a crazy fool and busting out playing on their uninspiring ghetto keyboard with a microphone hooked up to the stereo in front of all the hapless members at that church!  There's a breathing technique that goes along with singing and that really helps facilitate singing in a falsetto for the most part, which is a cool realization. It's breathing at those eighth note rests before singing again that does wonders!

After realizing that I had been distracted (thanks Lee), I did a 30 minute trail run and a lady friend texted me to go clubbing. I thought that would have been interesting considering how there is at least a slight physical attraction with each other, but I was like no, I have to get up too early for going to work and that I'll let her know. I went for an hour of doing a tiring yoga class which burnt a lot of additional calories, conducted personal hygiene, and with the remaining strength I had, I worked on my Forex trades. After that I was just zoned out and watched basketball and two anime episodes that left me so sleepy. I was just done for the night after that. I had that worn out feeling at the end before I let myself zone out for about an hour.

I guess I could push aside the whole playing piano thing because I was really just trying to let my food digest before I went running outside and work at my trades or something else I have in mind of doing. Playing the piano and trying to be soulful while singing with it is actually fun and good for you! I guess I'm just going to keep making adjustments and update myself consistently or until I run out of space on this blog to write. I'm only trying for one per day the whole month because I've been just doing it that way for the last several years and it's cool to me I did that, so I have the number one "Computer Science" blog because of it!

How I Honestly See Myself

From the way I appear, it depends on people I'm around, if they are better looking than me then I'm ugly and the other way around if they don't appear good outwardly. I accept my appearance, but would like it to be a bit neater. It's like I have the mad scientist look going on right now.

I have been successful to a degree of working out consistently, but would love to keep on adding to it by doing more activities as long as I don't tire out for the whole day. My dream right now is to be able to not have to work a traditional job and make money from investing it and practically being able to make more from just sitting there after initiating my investment. I want to dream about what I could do with all that time and maybe I could squander it sometimes with silly video games or entertaining myself with sport venues, but other than that I would love to keep profiting with doing the stuff I think would be awesome to get involved with. It would also be great to pick up other hobbies as well. I would then just have so much activities lined up for myself without having to do a job on a daily basis and if I ever wanted to, I wouldn't have to worry about putting the time into it for making an earning or contributing significantly.

Let's see for my free time, I work out, take care of personal hygiene, and trade. I also listen to Bible tracks on my phone app or on the radio as well. I sometimes read the Bible and look through a commentary. I would like to add in cooking last and from those five different things, I would like to build a personal foundation of self-development. That's pretty much my top five to get through the day on a normal work day for me. I want to move on from all these hours of work that I'm putting and I think this family business is going to be my last stop. I don't want to look anywhere else for a job, unless I'm forced into doing so. With helping out at this family business, I would love to grow my business of investing and then just break away into doing my own thing.

Establishing Goals

I'm looking at adding onto my goals as much as I can until I get to where I want to be. I guess from my ultimate goal of not really having to show up for work anymore at an office, I could use the time to invest in other things wisely, to develop more IT-related things, study the Bible, and socialize more often along with the things that I would like to add.

It really looks like I have a great, out-going social life at this point in time. For being a guy and just going outdoors, it looks absolutely normal and on my Facebook page, I'm not really drawing upon that much attention from the majority of the people on there. It's totally fine with me and I'll just keep on doing my best with what I think looks good to post.

I honestly think that even if I become the world's biggest star than these no-names on my Facebook page are still not going to care to click like on my posts. I do have friends in person commenting once in a blue moon that they have seen my posts, but they don't leave me feedback of liking my posts. I guess that's pretty funny to accept then.

At this moment, I interact closely with people who are mostly girls and very comfortable about being in their friend zone. I think it's fun to socialize, but sometimes they just start going off talking about stuff among each other girls that is hard for me to follow! It took a bit of work to get to that point. I guess it's just a matter of locking in on my financial stability now and then pursuing after a good woman to settle down with and manage a new family.

Hanging With A Good Looking Girl

Well I have been running fairly long distance for the last few weeks to prepare for a half-marathon. My lady friend who is the only one going with me is dropping out of the race from not being motivated enough to practice running. We still have other fun things planned and when I think of it, she's like a little sister to me now. She's very smart though and can look attractive enough to get hit on by other guys, but I still see her as like a cute-looking sister. I just want to give her a nice hug out of appreciation from spending time with her. I don't think I'll be trying to marry her anytime soon even though we're spending some quality time together without anyone else.

She's a fun friend who loves to hike, but gets carried away sometimes about the time and can't help herself from something she finds interesting. Getting to know this girl from a personal level, yeah, she's just family with genes that's outside my family tree. I guess it's a little weird that I don't find her to be someone I'm going to marry eventually.

I do like how people just assume we're together sometimes and don't really ask us when we are hanging out. I have even seen jealous faces of other guys. It's pretty funny actually!

Current Honest Situation

From having read a book on financing, it recommends everyone should have enough money to support themselves for six months. When I do the math for myself, I am going to need $24,000 or $4000 per month to decently be able support my current living expenses. It sounds like a lot for someone who has no money at all, but I think that's pretty normal for the everyday active adult. You have to pay all sorts of utility bills and mortgage/rent and on top of that also for commuting to work with groceries. Also, it's hard to pass up entertainment like going for night out with friends or date which is highly treasured by people.

With all these factors, it sounds reasonable for a hard-working and responsible adult who also cares for his own welfare. The thing is though I'm still single and the main factor that's hindering my confidence is from not feeling like I have enough money like I would like to have a nice home that could even range near million dollars and free to have fun making money exploring opportunities at my own job.

Once again, the main factor is honesty! I'm a really lucky individual and blessed by God to have a job along with being born with a personality that cares so much about self-improvement. Why I'm so lucky with my job is that it's flexible from being family-owned. I'm one of those lucky guys out there and no, we're not hiring so sorry and screw the people at that church who kicked me out from acting like stupid, drama queens over people who didn't care enough to step forward and tell me what their problems were in person. They had social anxiety issues if they couldn't do that and being sensitive towards them would be like treating they are God, so it means they struggle from being selfish and wanting everybody to treat them with so much goodness so yeah, they overdid it in the religious department and failed to outdo me and I think that's what it was all about. It was about them competing against me for resources because they saw me as a spiritual powerhouse. Hey, that's cool and I did was just believe in Jesus and try to live it out the best I could with the studying the Bible and I had major help from listening in on sermons that concerned itself over preaching every single verse in the Bible! It was challenging because I didn't want to listen to God at certain times, but I still went for it.

You know it's not so bad after all because that church sucked dramatically so much! I think they still do because I haven't heard about them anywhere at more prominent churches, so they are just a bunch of low-level spiritual whack jaws who can't follow a single Bible verse that challenges them. They are a bunch of weak spiritual babies mislead by their own selfish and emotionalized ambitions. They are a bunch of spiritually dangerous people to entrust for anything! I'm glad I stood up against them and I did it peacefully and reluctantly too at the beginning. You know, I'm no longer reluctant about standing tall against them and have no problems doing that for once after I get to my lifelong oath to fulfill for the Lord. I'm not going to talk about it. I made a stupid promise to God and it involves that lame church and I want to run away from it so I feel free from this obligation, but I have to so yeah, it sucks and I made a mistake. I think I'll just yell at them the day that I do have to fulfill my oath with God because I didn't say I was going to be nice to them. I will get a very good laugh from being blunt and hurting all of their feelings and just not caring. It feels good to vent and reveal the whole truth. I don't think the people I dealt with are even going to be there- I'll be so surprised if they are still there and they are just going to have one extra headache to deal with that they are going to ignore and just have their own issues to deal with just like the failures that they already are.    

Honesty and Accepting Things With Confidence

I think just being honest about everything as much as possible is very important for anyone. If it goes down to it, the truth should make sense at least somewhat and if it does get there to the best way then yes, if it convinces you then maybe you might be able to convince someone else. This whole honesty thing and willingness to accept things the way are just can't happen without already having a decent level of personal confidence.

In a way, with all this tension and frustration built up from stuff that just would naturally tick you off, it just means constant failure if you just can't accept how people want to be and constantly being on the worry with it. Fortunately, I seem to possess pretty decent persuasive skills at the heat of the moment and from just being blunt, it's not really that hard to understand my perspective. Overall, from my experience, the truth really hurts the other person who is bugging you and benefits you so much so there's nothing wrong with being so out in the open about it.

I seem to be nice at least, so that makes me likeable still with these people and they already had it coming with their own struggles. It's just like anybody else who is going to have problems. I also like to genuinely laugh while being honest and that's going to be infectious as well with giving people the giggles while they are having trouble dealing with me too.

I've heard my mom yell a lot from feeling nagged and with me having vented my frustration with her and just being full-on honest, it looks like my mom just isn't in the mood for yelling at all in general with others. My words must have really crossed her mind and it's just life in general.

Good To Know

Well no matter how much a fan would want to go against this, porn is mainly produced by actors looking to make it their profession. They are engaging in a sinful activity and performing in a way to entice guys and some women as well to lustfully fantasize about sex! After all of that, I'm honestly still thinking that having a wonderful marriage with a beautiful woman and enjoying great sex from being the right person to her would be awesome!

Women have been saying that if the guy is the right person or knows what he is doing then sex is pleasurable. It's already assumed that most guys would enjoy it from being visual creatures and having a versatile sex organ with testosterone to go with it. I never thought women would say that they themselves can enjoy it, but there you have it.  Therefore, for a guy like me, it's easy to conclude that being able to have great sex is a behavior that can be learned.

Okay, this is getting pretty dry talking about all this and feels a bit cheesy for me, but it's nice to know I guess. I still don't believe in fornicating, so I will have to pursue after the right woman to marry then or maybe if I'm lucky, she will chase after me first. I just need to keep on working on myself and that's one of the biggest goals for me and to also constantly maintain it.

Overall, anything that can be improved upon and something within your reach should be done just for personal welfare. It can be a drag, but that's fine. I'm going after living a full life while reaching my greatest potential and this factor isn't something I'm doing for others. It feels great to pursue and live for it. It's a new day everyday and I just need to manage my time a lot better and accept just the way things are.

Refining Knowledge for Making Money

I think I'm onto something very powerful when it comes to trading in a financial market. It's amazing how having given this cumbersome information a shot, I'm starting to nail it on my point with my own personal preferences for making some profitable trades! It's fun and it's rinse and repeat and it also feels natural for me.

I'm not really in the mood for sharing my technique because I personally don't know everything about it, but it's just something that works for me. It's like how I didn't understand the times table and just memorized it but kept on getting answers correct from having this knowledge. I've memorized a technique that keeps on giving me consistency with analyzing the market and going in and coming out with what to expect already.

Yeah, I'm going to hang on to it and not share it with anybody. If somebody wants to get it, then he or she is going to have to search and get it by luck or some hard work. I don't know how I stumbled onto the original guy who created it, but I'm not even fully applying everything he knows. I sort of adapted his strategies for my own and that's why I can't really sell it to anyone but I know it's been working pretty well for me. It's confusing with some steps that would have to be done, and it's also not going to make full sense at all because I can't really explain it that well to anyone, so I'm better off just using it for myself.

I'm not even going to mention my source of wisdom either because I don't want everybody to know about him, unless I just stopped caring about trading and wanted to sell out for some retirement allowance. I think it's still going to be met with a lot of skepticism because there's so many ways to go about this and this person isn't someone I would have believed in either the first time I decided to pursue after mastering this field of trading.

Stuff I Should Work On

One of my female friends I hung out with yesterday was really honest with me. She said that she wants to find a man who will take care of her and this means that he would have to be financially fit- meaning she wants to marry a wealthy gentleman. I mean, what woman really wouldn't want to unless she's already successful and looking for something else in a guy.

She advised me to become rich as well and that even though I'm short, she vaguely implied it wouldn't matter to her as well, if I wanted to pursue her later on. It seems like she also cares about me and is taking a little interest. While I was around other people, I was a little disoriented at first with her being a little taller than me so I was trying to make it look like we aren't a couple, even though it looked like people didn't care if we were.

Since we're both Asian, maybe people can assume we are related as well too, so I guess I have that benefit of the doubt people can also think about too. After a little into having a conversation with her, I just stopped caring about her being taller than me again. I just plain ignored concerns that other people would think I look ridiculous for hanging out with a taller and an attractive woman and that I have no shot with her. I guess it doesn't make sense because the thought of that is actually cool and could make some guys jealous of me being in that position! Yeah, this personal insecurity with being so short doesn't seem to matter so much to me as it's been growing on me, but it doesn't hurt for me to try to keep on finding impossible ways to make myself grow taller!

Lucky Me

This job I have is a family owned business and has just benefitted with booking a multi-million dollar contract. We are going to be so busy, and we've been lucky to be coming around and stabilizing these days. My dad is the angry CEO and he's crazy and gets on my case a lot even though he tells me he hates doing it, but that's how he micro manages everybody. My sister seems to be doing so well because she doesn't get that very much from my dad.

I accept that my father is a crazy old and angry man who won't ever give up smoking cigarettes, even though he still does that in moderation. He is physically a lot weaker than me and I just walked out on him yesterday while he was going off on talking about something crazy like how I silently expressed myself. I didn't vocalize anything and he was just angered and thinking I was doing something and just went crazy from that. I just told him I didn't really say anything and that he was getting on my nerves and had to take a break. I said it calmly and then my dad got up too and left as well and when I saw his face, he looked so devastated! Yes, I feel like I rocked! I didn't show that facial expression of elation from seeing his depressed looking face. I have to admit though that my dad repeated the comments that made me feel like punching his face, so I said something calmly and walked out from being myself openly. My dad later practically explained to me how he was being crazy in his prideful terms and said to not laugh at him sounding stupid during business hours so he doesn't turn crazy.

Well, the system development is coming around a lot easier than I could imagine. The time I put into it and deliver is seen as normal, even though I try to put on a show that I'm working really hard even though I'm having a blast stimulating my mind reading about off-topic stuff while surfing the web. I guess that inspires me to be productive during those few hours that I actually do really work super hard. I could do a lot more at a less time and that's always the challenge that I want to complete and to just go above and beyond the occasion. Everybody else at my job thinks it's difficult with what I'm doing while just sitting at this computer trying to program and also answering everybody's IT problems with their issues.

I feel like I have a distinct advantage over a good majority of people when it comes to programming. I'm just motivated with coming across a great solution. There's actually a guy I know who is really good and legitimate with his programming skills. He's just one person out of like the 100 programmers I'm acquainted with. I guess it's not that bad, but he struggles too just like I do at times. It's about having programming endurance and getting to the end which is so rewarding when the program finally does what you desire and then a rinse and repeat cycle while getting paid for it, which I'm so lucky to have but the other great programmer I know really doesn't have it to my current knowledge that's ten years old.

Coming to Acceptance

I think a huge positive for me is that I'm just accepting how things are and including things that still make me mad. I mean I still think those people who got me there are stupid, but it's not really about how I want the way things have to be. I prefer just surrendering control to the ways of the Bible, no matter how evil people think that is. The Bible says not to sin like don't have sex outside of marriage and lie to bear false witness and to loving the Lord and others first over yourself. It's stuff like this that might not even appeal to a natural person.

It's so worth it to me because of the gospel message found in the pages of the Bible. Jesus was the Son of God brought into the world for the sole purpose of paying for our sins that whoever would trust in him would be looked upon by God the Father as righteous and given access into heaven. Jesus is also God Himself, so God sent Himself in the form of being His own Son to minister and live the life of being a physically, limited human. God humbled Himself to walk the Earth like that and let the Son Jesus face the worst way of being killed for capital punishment which is being crucified. Jesus was forced to carry the cross and then had nails hammered onto his palms and expected to die within days from suffocating out of exhaustion of supporting himself on the cross. He was even rejected by the most influential Jewish leaders at the time- Jesus had it so rough with them and his message sent starting with his followers is that Jesus resurrected and managed to leave a heavily guarded tomb that was sealed with a huge boulder. It is taught to be like a hoax to a lot of Jews today. The only crazy thing to marvel is that Jesus' body is not there and can't be found anywhere for all these people crazy for Jesus, like me.

The message is truly life changing at the heart. To have God Himself humble Himself like that to preach onto sinners who were depressed about life at times and no sense of going anywhere and to even minister to the physically afflicted by healing them and having crazy miracles recorded in the Bible that's just unheard of today, Jesus lives and that message and hope of how he will come back someday is sensational. I just don't know enough yet about how Jesus is going to re-establish his kingdom. It could be speculation, but the biggest thing is the resurrection and putting faith in Jesus to give me direction and to study the Bible and live in that manner while being in worship of the Father and to allow God's Word minister to me!  

Dating Issues

I think the biggest obstacle that really comes to mind for me is how I don't really own a place to begin with. On top of that, I would also love to not have to work so many hours and to also invest some of my time connecting with people. I'm like years behind before I'm able to do so, but I could also be brought up to date in a matter of months for me as well.

I'm fortunate to be blessed by God and to have a job and there's so many privileges that I have in how I could continuously slack off here to a certain degree, but not that much otherwise, I would be really causing problems for the company. I'm pretty much the company's only database system development expert. It's a big deal in how the computer language that is being used is not even being used by my peers.

With how I'm spending my time, I'm really focused on myself and it could still use some adjustments. I guess that's the keyword for me and I just get carried away from distractions all the time. This is something I'm getting more aware of because it's really me just pushing aside things. I guess what I value isn't really that appealing but just normal in general.

Interesting Business Development

One of my great friends who I've known for a few years and feels like we've connected so well and likes to flirt with me on occasion, is naturally gifted at convincing people to buy quality brands. It's just that people seem to find favor with her and take their wallets out for her. She really cares for me as well.

What's cool is that she's looking forward to making some passive income. She just completed her real estate license and I seem to have a knack for making money from diversifying my trading portfolio. I might put some of that money I gained from investing into the real estate market by partnering up with her. I'm not quite too sure how I'm going to work out the ownership percentages. Maybe, I could let her be the majority owner because she's so into real estate and I'll just cover the rest and take some profit off of the rent money. I think it's better for me because I would rather let my money sit and just continue to make money for me. I wonder if she will do the same, but with her being the owner, she would want to maintain the house so I can legally profit off of her natural work she puts into it!

This way, I would not just have all my money in the stocks where one day, it could just crash. It would be about maintaining stability and still counting on cash coming into my bank even when I have down days with my stocks. I think this is the way to go and then just do whatever I want with the money and spend it. I'm not just saying this to make myself look like a good guy because I do feel bad about writing those proposals, but I would like to give back to organizations that are committed to carry out with living God's Word.

I'm just one man, so I doubt I would have any influence by coming back to Hope of God Church (a cult) and start bragging about how I became a millionaire and not supporting their ministry because they don't deserve to be rich and I myself being rich would be able to see that! I would be like there are tons of other organizations I'm happy to oblige donating to and they come in dead last with all Christian cult organizations.  I'm only saying they are a cult because of Lee there having acted stupid with me and saying she had spiritual authority over me. I'm glad I didn't do much while I was so mad and that I just got a slap on my wrists and it's not even painful anymore. It's just whatever and a waste of complete space in my memories.

Well, I think Chris and Judy left and they were predominant figures of that minimalist weird theologically Christian church. It's on them and Chris sucked in dealing with me. Jarred is sort of off and on there I think and I'm so testy about socking him in the face, but he sucked too in dealing with me. The pastor is just way over himself and it's like he's waiting for me to cuss him out, but I'm not going to. Actually he's pretty weak and sensitive so I'm glad he was like that and I can call him out on it. Revenge is like sweet poop with these people; it would mean absolutely nothing but I'm bound by oath to go there again to God and I cannot break that oath and so might as well show off there when I do go back to get my spiritual money's worth and get the heck out of there!

Reaping A Reward From Committing Into Something

I had so much clutter in my room. It was pretty much video game packages that I have never had the time to open and play. They are still practically brand new! I just kept them around as souvenirs for myself and be a reminder that I should eventually get around to designing my own video game and the fear the gets me is that I could be hurting my own career by doing so because what if I ended up with nothing in the end for all of that?

For this reason alone, this is why I developed a keen interest for learning to trade currency to make money and it's awesome because there's almost no barriers to do it with the right middle man. It's pretty much taking my own earned money and making something out of it. It's like I could take some gift and declare myself as unemployed and make something out of it for the loophole! Well, if I wanted to that is.

I will probably have to get around to pay taxes because never know, I could use some unemployment compensation even though I would be technically unemployed from just trading my own hard earned money with other currency and legally getting back the same in return even though some countries would give you more. See the arguing factor of how I wouldn't have to pay taxes with all of this being under the table?

It's so brilliant and legally done while getting away with something that virtually everybody has learned to accept for expenses in living but would rather not, if he or she didn't have to and had personal control over what to do with own earned money. With all this legally tax evasive profit, I could just fund my own video game development hobby and have a blast getting pounded by bigger titles. I would have said that I tried to put my foot in the door with that billion dollar market because I had so much fun growing up as a kid and was such a video gaming junkie. I think I would design titles that would encourage super fun objectives and online socializing. I never really had enough of being that nerdy gamer in the cyber world. I would love for those cyber gamers to have a place where they could just belong, make a comfortable living doing it, and be in happy harmony with the players that matter to them.  

Interesting App Idea

I feel like I could create an app that would really help me. I'm thinking about writing a program that would take all of my activities and break them into how I'm spending my time. It would be like playing a game than with myself to have the best schedule that I can keep up with.

I love playing games regardless of when it sucks to grind through something for leveling up or not. PVP is definitely a really rewarding experience for me because it gives me a chance to put my skills to the test with another fellow competitor and gain something out of it. What's funny is that from having been so addicted to video games in the past, I wasn't aware that I was really doing all of it for nothing in the end. It's really such a bummer to have so much fun like that and not be compensated for any of it. Only the true winners get the prize in this world and that's how it works everywhere.

From realizing that I won't have fun struggling to always be a top-rated professional gamer, I guess it's not going to work out for me. If I want to have so much fun and independence from my responsibilities and just be carefree, then I'm really going to have to work on myself before I can just let go like that.

Starting with myself, my secret and passion to earning a living after all this time comes from becoming a professional currency and stocks trader. I haven't been able to even keep up with it this whole week from being distracted. My mind is still a little bit on gambling with playing poker. That too is a time consuming activity and it just doesn't feed me that much satisfaction in the first place.

How I Fared Yesterday

I'm going to start blogging about my life with attempting to live out the perfect day of accomplishing all of my intended goals. I have really huge plans to succeed in this world and to eventually settle down with a beautiful companion and be open to lots of fun and invite her to have lots of sex with me! I think it's funny to admit that and just write it on here.

I listed about 22 things to do for yesterday and I got stuck at one activity because it led me to go off course with my other objectives. What happened was that I was going through my books, one of them happens to be about computer security and it had a discussion in one section about hackers trying to find working passwords at paid porno sites. It said that it's just for the thrill of hacking and that most prosecutors don't care about giving pornographers that much rights with keeping their money. I ended up searching for adult site passwords and they just didn't work. It pretty much wasted my evening doing that and I felt that it wouldn't be that much fun to learn to hack anyway. It's so time consuming with all of these hack prevention measures that have been taking place over the years. It's very deterring to be a hacker in general and such a drag these days.

I then became turned on all of a sudden and wanted to compare paid porn with free porn. Free porn does its job still and in some ways, it can be better than paying for something. It's because whether I would pay for porn or not, it leaves me feeling not satisfied and wanting more. I'm just like done with looking at women's body parts and it's about time I fell in love already with a beautiful gal and enjoy a lot of physical companionship with her and work at staying married for life.

Finding Humor From Embarrassment

I'm going to be straight up and state that I viewed porn while looking for some good looking female body parts. It seems like the face, chest, and body don't always match up in looking great all-around, so yeah, this world isn't perfect in appearance to begin with as well. I guess this is why guys have to settle because they know they can be sexually satisfied or just somehow fell in love with the asymmetrical woman.

I ended up making some dirty confessions at an online chatting site I won't mention while being anonymous. I just typed away while feeling awkward and being honest about it. It was just me with probably like five other perverted guys just staring at the screen or just entering and leaving from not having fun reading about my lamentations with porn and masturbation.

I couldn't help but just start laughing while being the only person actually writing those comments. It would be so unnatural to state all of those things out in the open. I can get pretty brutally honest myself on this blog but I try to find balance with being blunt and sensitive to others around me. Basically, my excuse is that I can say funny stuff while I'm being honest so I just let it rip with everybody. They are quite nice about it with me so far, so I don't seem to be doing that bad then.