Because of my weird personality of liking to getting along with people and resenting my past behavior of yelling at a few guys and tackling them to the floor and then not making any sense to them because I was afraid of them getting back at me, I stuck around people who kept on yelling at me for reasons I still do not know!
Well now I have a good idea and it's only because I was the one yelling at people too, so I should know right? It's mainly from them being selfish about how things aren't right to them. Whether you choose to be a jerk or not with them in the end is entirely up to you though. It's really important to have at the very least basic communication skills before leading yourself up to yelling at people foolishly!
It doesn't matter that people did that to me at a church, which is supposedly loving and accepting. I know weird right? Yeah, they aren't really God's people to my eyes. There are a few there and so few at that church who literally live for God with all they can and have this major influence and impact around everybody's lives. I'm one of them and I do it so quietly and without much approval from those people who are bugged by me still to this day. I'm a force of nature for them to reckon with and they pretty much tapped out with my discouraging speeches that made them feel like they were condemned by me. Yeah, I was wrong for speaking in that manner, but hey at least I went for being honest and they aren't bugging other people like me so I'm happy for them as well as with me! So yeah, I don't really regret it because I told the truth even while I was going flaming mignon with them through my writing which is even worse because they can't find serious fault with me!
Because I yelled at people in the past, I have practice of learning how to get even via my communication patterns. The people who are bothered by me haven't done anything to me and make all these crazy scared claims about me. They just don't want to deal with that past nonsense and don't want to talk about their negatives and just shut me off because of it. I've noticed them looking like they felt guilty right after, so if I went up to them and let out all of my raw honest emotion with everything that I'm seeing with them, then they would end up smiling and relational towards me. I'm not hard to connect with and this was the thing that I was scared with them about doing, which is what left them so insecure with me to begin with.
I've learned my lesson that I need to be fully upright by not being afraid to accept how things are and to communicate justly from just being honest with all people. This is my way of truly being loving and the Bible is surely a godsend because I've lived by this proverbs in that book this whole time, "Honesty is like a kiss on the lips." I've been this way with little kids, babies, old ugly men, and even beautiful women. They all respond well to me communicating and being myself. My natural personality is likable and so this means when those people were ticking me off, I could have just walked out on them and told them the reason so they would feel bad for having been that way and reform in their personal interaction with me. It's just with me, but not with others unfortunately and I can't do much to help it at this moment because I never have enough information to get involved and execute properly.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
