Moving On

It could be hormones dying down or something, but pretty ladies' appearances don't really sway me so much anymore. They are very attractive and nice to look at, and I can still feel like I want to have a lot of fun with them, so I guess my hormones aren't all the way to the low and it's just human. I think I've screwed up so many times that I really haven't met someone and I'm getting older.

Maybe I just have a different outlook in life. I'm not a big fan of adversity dealing with people relationships and just haven't met the right girl for me yet to really ask out. There's actually one who I relate to and get along so well with but she's going to be like permanently taken so nothing I can do about it. There's another who is really cute, but I'm just not sure if it would be beneficial yet. On a side note, I might have met one with a lot of sexual energy to offer in a relationship; I can feel it with that one, so I don't have much time to consider with her. I'm going to live out my life trying to be a full-blown Christian so I'm not advocating with practicing fornication. Keep it pure, get married, and then let the marriage bed fall apart from too much partying!

I guess I'll marry late then and possibly have no kids and I can accept it despite my parents not liking it. The only way I will seriously consider getting married to anyone is when I'm able to have so much free time while having got rich with my own business and also being healthy with a physically good looking body. Since dating is meant for purposes of getting married to me, I don't really want to hold anybody back from happiness because I'm just not ready. If it never happens, then I'm cool with it and die a failure practically. It's sad, but I'll learn to manage. I guess my main pursuit in life is really improving upon myself with the Lord's help, so that I will be confident enough to marry somebody someday, even if it's going to be so late. It's pretty embarrassing in a way, but I'm not regretting the personal time I've had all to myself with all the attempts to have fun and satisfy myself.

I have three requirements before I feel confidence to go out and find somebody to marry, it has to be done by myself mainly. It would be nice if I could ease up on my ambition, but it's not my true personality right now and my parents only did so much with raising me. My mom just wasn't that smart enough and always too tired to figure things out for me and provide with helping me out over basic important stuff she assumed people can find out for themselves. I basically relied on myself and was immature all the time while having potential to study my brains out and feel depressed from getting A's and not having fun. I was like this in middle school and throughout first half of high school and I really hated it, so I guess going to the top school wasn't happening for me. I had my chance, but it fell out for me.

Moving on, I don't see it as a bad thing for my friends in the past to get married and some of them being happy or still dealing with a marital issue. It's not bad to have this independence and in a way, it's actually enviable and everybody wants the ideal life as well even though some don't have time to think about it. With my friends telling me that there's nothing wrong with really working on yourself, I guess it's better to wait it out and improve yourself rather than trying to force your own way through being patient and leaving some messy areas out that have room for improvement. I can be happy for my friends who are also doing well.

Enough digressing, to summarize my three requirements as of this moment and this is how I'm living my life, it's crazy, but I think I was born with a personality that is meant for being in a deep and loving relationship with a special woman I have yet to meet or discover right under my nose and in the process of finding her, I will just go through the motions of being a guy who keeps working at it and being honest with all my friends. 1) Obtain a lot of money with my own business 2) Enjoy having a lot of free time 3) Maintain a healthy and good looking body.