I guess a lot of it really comes from having patience and accepting certain things when you know you are lacking in somewhere. It was really agitating when I wanted to do something in the past, but I just knew I didn't possess everything that I needed to make it happen, so I would feel so shy and nervous about it and still just go for it at the same time. I was basically working for stuff to happen while I planted a chip on my shoulder.
For some time as well, I felt really offended when people I hit up weren't able to make one of my events that I put my time into planning. I would feel massive hurt and disappointment like I was being rejected and just not understand why the successful people were able to do it. I was just assuming something made them popular with people so that's why they came to parties. I just didn't know what would make me popular back then. I'm glad I didn't fall into this personal trap of desiring social recognition from others so much that I wouldn't even have been myself.
I'm so dumb, but a few memories were so cool to hang onto, but those things are probably not so valued much by my friends. It was just something to do I guess once and then just forget and move on. They are normal people and not so ambitious like I am and some of them are fortunate to be smart enough and chill with me at the same time. I'm actually happy for those group of friends.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
