This is probably something to not take me so seriously with. I do want it but I think my main struggle is just from not committing to my personal plans. I feel it and then when it's time to get to it, I end up choking from not being able to let go of a distraction. I guess this has to do with being human. I guess everybody has stuff to deal with and it's hard sometimes and could be a weakness.
I just need to continue working on myself and being punctual with my plans. Yeah, it's fun for me to do other stuff and get carried away with it on a daily basis. I wish I could be paid millions of dollars just to do what I'm doing so I wouldn't have to go into work. I would find something to do in the process. The temptations to go out and do stuff I could regret in the end are real! Fortunately, they are just little stuff at the moment and they just keep piling up into days and then years which is starting to become a drag. Just the other day, I ended up watching YouTube videos of amazing basketball plays and then I fell asleep on my uncomfortable chair and even dreamt of stuff and think I ended up in just my underwear when I woke up! True story and quite funny to me.
It's probably fatigue and the pressure of feeling with not having enough time and my tiring body just wanting to slow down in the evening that makes it really hard to get stuff done. I guess I can work on a main task then, along with supporting stuff to go along with it if I have the time. It's like I can go through the motion of reading my Bible and trying to understand it because I really do want to grow in my relationship with the Lord, but I don't want to put in that much from just knowing that I don't have a calling to be a pastor. I'm probably letting down some Christians as of this moment. I'm meant to be a giver guys! I think I'll just put in some time to study three passages of the Bible no matter how many verses it makes up to symbolize morning, afternoon, and evening in one session. I'm in the New Testament right now, and I've had the privilege of listening to Scriptures by connecting my phone to the car stereo. I guess that would be sufficient for me then. I also try to pay attention to teachings on the radio as much as I can while driving in rush hour.
I'm going to have to eventually fellowship with some more believers, but right now it seems like I'm part of a different family and have opportunity to witness to them about Jesus at times. Maybe that's what my church is like- it's basically being around people who don't really know who Jesus is but open to listening to me about him sometimes because I'm just their friend. It feels very comfortable instead of having this religious aspect like that dreadful church in Los Angeles- come on, they need to come to their senses and depend fully on the Lord and wisely replace a pastor with a man of God who will just boldly proclaim the Word of God without any hesitation!
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
