Interesting Observations

Out of all the bloggers being hosted and who classify themselves with a Computer Science occupation, I don't think there's too many people who even have an incentive to do what I've done all these years consistently. It feels pretty good in a way, like I have my own place to write confidently and even give myself a little push to get started on something good.

In a way, I feel like I'm getting my own silent acknowledgement by seeing that reads tally up. I'm accustomed to seeing like ten reads on average per post. Some of my posts have a lot more from being a lot funnier than normal or even have material that might cater to some picky readers, but I'm overall just a pretty smart dude who feels like writing sometimes about anything on his mind.

The reason why I gave myself the author name #1 on Computer Science Occupations is because it would be funny for someone to look at the link above to check out other inactive bloggers and see me on the first spot. I check it out daily and hopefully there will be a funny girl coming around to share her thoughts, so I can be like "Yes!" There was a depressed girl who expressed herself with suicidal intent, and I used to be the only one to comment on there. She stopped responding to me because I think I never asked for her response in the first place. I was just like an audience member who always left a brief review. She was talking about relationships and breakups and things just going south for her. She's on hiatus now and hopefully she's still alive and giving herself the right therapy.

It's interesting in a sense that if you click on a profile and go up to a more common category like Science then I'll be listed more towards the middle. I don't think the ranking system has that much preference with who gets the top spot. It's probably more based on the latest post from any user because I might still not get enough visitors to be attractive to the ranker, or it's just designed to be like that.

Still I see myself as the unofficially recognized #1 blog poster on my subcategory of Computer Science. I'm really talking more about life itself and just trying to boast about being so interested in software engineering which is a cool field of CS.

Spending Time Effectively

I know I have the potential now to rip a hole out of someone's wall figuratively speaking and end up conquering them in the end because of the matter being so stupid while focusing all of the energy on them and practicing self-control. I'm a natural at this stuff and it's just whatever to keep myself moving in the end. It's just that it's not worth my time to really think about it right now. I have a better thing to do that surpasses all of this crazy junk from my past. It's all about going after building my personal confidence while worshipping the Lord.

I'm just writing things on repeat and I have a tendency to do this, but I'm just practicing it just to reaffirm myself. I'm seriously going after becoming a good software engineer and making some money off of investing right now and listening to the Bible, while trying to live extremely healthy and going after cooking and spending time with close friends during the weekends. The time to get married will be when I move out of my parent's house and into my own. I'm ready for this day to arrive! In the meantime, I'm going to figure out how I can start lifting some weights because I do want to get medium buff while being ripped. I might as well do some growing taller exercises too for practicing better posture so I don't feel like I'm shrinking to counteract the heavy lifting I do and not feel like a contradictory shorty. It is what it is, I really don't care what anybody thinks in that area and I will argue about it until I can't anymore and then go at it again the next day. It means I'm hopelessly lost in my train of thought if anyone thinks it's that bad to do a few more exercises because it's just perceived to be magical for boosting my morale.

I doubt I'm going to get too many oppositions with my style of arguing. I'm going to go at it with more vigilance!

Letting Dumb Stuff Go And Focusing Better

I figure that the past dealing with some crazy downers was really dumb, and I should have taken care of it. Should have and could have but I didn't even though I tried unsuccessfully and failed dramatically to the point that still nothing happened to me. It's a lost cause, so time to move on and whenever the opportunity arises again next time, it's just going in for a routine kill.

I'm still discussing about it and fighting these inner urges underneath but it can be healthy in that being aware of it, I get to control it and go back to being happy again. It's dumb stuff and a lost cause, so the solution to all of this negativity for me is to go after building my confidence while trying to continuously worship the Lord.

I really could utilize my time better and improve upon not leaving anything out while being on the spot. It's really about pushing myself to get to where I want to go and working hard at it while being content about what I'm trying to do.

Summarizing What I Want To Do In Life

Keep on listening to the Bible and be able to recall the little details about it. Make a lot of money from software engineering and investing while gaining lots of free time on my hands. Get a really nice body from working out eventually. Do some gourmet and healthy cooking. Not tire out that easily. Keep on meeting good people to spend some time with. Marry a hot lady who wants to do it a lot! 

This is all hard work and I find all of it to be interesting and fun to pursue after. I need to just push myself back into this direction when I'm distracted by the little things. I should be doing okay in the end though, as long as I mean it and these are turning out to be my passions. I'm also having a lot of fun with playing the piano and trying to sing a few tunes I'm into. I am really trying to live a balanced life these days.  

Taking Care Of Priorities

I believe my main thing at this point in time of my life is to just build a whole heck of a lot of personal confidence. I want to be financially well off and also have a really nice body from working out before searching for a good lady to marry. On the side, I want to be a well-balanced individual while enjoying a few hobbies daily. I think I'm going after living a really happy and normal life while having suffered from feeling like a shorty all my life. The only answer to this problematic emotion is to keep on working harder to build personal confidence. There's no other way around it. It's really time to stop worrying about it though.

My two main goals with making money is going to be from software engineering and then investing. Eventually, I want to move on from a regular paying job and have so much free time on my hands which will be a dream come true to travel the world with a lovely girlfriend or someone I get to marry. There's just no way to get there but from working hard, and I accept the challenge. 

I've been really thinking lately about doing some healthy gourmet cooking. Along with that, I'm continuing to be pretty outgoing and looking for things to do. I guess those crazy people back then were really downers because I was really just trying to confront them about something while being nice as possible about it. They just took it so wrong from being irritated and became afraid of me from thinking about it so badly while being moody. I guess it happens and something I am aware of now and can show some compassion for.

Interesting Minor Depression

I have this image in my head ever since I was a kid of how I should be marrying a shorter lady. Because of my short height with average athletic build, I'm a little shorter than the average female I take notice of. Some ladies are super cool and in addition attractive, and I guess if a man displays enough true confidence and is a gentleman to a pretty and nice lady then it's going to be turn off the lights and get it on someday!

There are ladies who are a little taller than me or about the same height and sometimes, I feel like I'm shorter than them and it leaves me feeling like a crybaby. It's pretty funny and then when this mood bothers me, a few people end up making fun of short people to make me feel even more withdrawn about it. It doesn't happen to me so much anymore because I know the solution to deal with it.

The solution to all of this is to work even harder to build more personal confidence. I don't know how a buddy who is shorter than me doesn't let it get to him while usually in the mood for relaxing and seeking any decent lady to settle down with. He doesn't put enough work to get the hot ladies because he's already pretty content or maybe he's fine with accepting what he has going. It's interesting because he is overall a cool person, but isn't that attractive to the ladies.

Because of my attitude and willingness to focus harder than the average Joe on the long run, I'm finding that there are ladies who are into me but I'm not that into them. There are plenty of ladies who are taller than me and like me, but I don't want to really be with them still. I'm looking for someone hot and is physically attracted to me for who I am and then wants to do it a lot in marriage. It sounds good so I will keep rolling with it and hopefully, it won't be something I regret in the end.

Workaround Ideas

For a moment there I felt like I shot myself in the foot because I told only one person that I was going to train her if I became successful with my trading. Well, maybe I thought she was going to be my wife or girlfriend at some point but now I've changed my mind about her. Her main interests are too eccentric for me, so we've naturally settled with being close friends. I have a workaround for this and it's going to be that my training is going to be only one step to graduate it. I never told her specifically how I was going to train her, so I will sell her on this free advice of doing just one step. Step 1: become a profitable trader while starting with nothing given to you.

It is pretty much fulfilling my promise to her, and I won't look like a bad guy. She might get a good laugh or maybe on a rare situation, she will give it a serious run. Then I'm going to tell her how to manage her account so she doesn't blow it all like most traders do. That's the only advice I'm giving and then modeling all the trades is going to be her work. I can see this feasibly working out, but I don't count on it because I'm going to use every dark and negative facts I know about the market to sell on her that it might not be for her.

Working At Minor Details

I'm still trying to focus on listening to the Bible but having a hard time even paying attention most of the time. I just tune in when I hear the verses talking about destruction and horrible times while it's just lollygagging with my own pretty thoughts. Because those destructive moments have passed long ago and I've accepted it, I can go back into lollygagging because the Bible claims to be only like 7,000 years old already put together with probably the only verifiable artifacts confirming it to be at least around 2,000 years old.

There are some cool moments in the Bible though and those I can seriously listen to over and over again. It's probably the other things that I'm trying to focus on that I'm dealing with this whole lollygagging effect. I'm still trying though and hopefully, I'll start catching the minor details that I want to know about from just listening to my well voice acted files on auto-repeat.

Seeing Some Improved Performances

I have decided to lay off of playing Poker regularly, due to the risky nature of up and down swings and how I just don't want to spend a lot of time to make some money unless it's my passion. I have found out that developing or software engineering or whatever someone wants to call it is really one of my passions. For a hobby though, maybe playing Poker while gambling chump change when I'm standing in a long line will be alright. I will just have to resist the urges of going back to playing it regularly if I have some really good successful runs. This is really deceiving in its entirety, so I will accept that win or lose, it's only for fun now because it isn't a passion.

With trading some currency, my method has started to take a noticeable turn to profiting now. I'm still making some improvements, but now I have some tools that might actually work. If this goes so well, then I'm hogging all of the hard work I put in for just myself. I'll let people know about it, but not spill any beans and if they want to work with me, then they are going to have to put in all of those tears and sweat like I did and turn good so there will be some great minds working together. I'm not going to train any person either, so that will be the challenge for him or her. If it doesn't go our way, then was just never meant to be. I might just stay quiet about it and share with good friends but not assist them with learning either because I'm looking for a brilliant mind to also work with. Besides, I won't be the one whose hurting if I'm doing so well.

Just stick to the passion and don't be greedy for money with something you don't feel comfortable about and want to entrust someone else to do the hard work for you. It isn't really an ethical model to be honest, even though I'm sure some people have tried to establish it. I've experienced doing something like this and it was very stressful being the business owner; yet, I couldn't do enough so it failed in the end. I'm not going to hustle my way and do this to people who don't know about the serious downside that could result from going into this business. No matter how good my self-made products are, I choose to work with only ethical business people who already make a nice living from being very familiar to my line of work.

Building Tolerance From Being Worn Out

I seriously have to attribute myself to having some nice mental health. I have the confidence to build tolerance while being worn out. In other cases, I will blame one of my idiot friends. He just gives up and says it's so hard and confides in me that he feels depressed. I don't know why there are dudes who are idiots like that in this world. He doesn't learn much from those experiences either; he only gives up and then avoids them while believing he's the center masterpiece in the universe when he gets over it. He says that he isn't focusing on having a family and likes to annoyingly tell me that he hopes I get a girlfriend someday! I can see how this guy isn't building tolerance from being worn out anytime soon.

Keeping in mind that it's probably best to avoid how an idiot does it, I just brought him up for something exemplary of what not to do. He's clearly confused and thinks he can make sense out of it, while being insecure and avoiding contact with all life-forms he's unfamiliar with. Boy, he's just not a great character to be around for me anymore. I'm accepting that he's not really the lucky kind either. Therefore, I'm pretty much waiting for this idiot to get a new job besides believing that he's semi-retired and feeling he's entitled to free money for the rest of his life.

I think it's just that you have to keep on pushing even through the stressful moments and feelings of being bogged down underneath. It's just a matter of continuously doing so while making the strong effort and then repeating it daily. It means that also you have to push yourself to keep on moving sometimes throughout the day.

Interesting Way To Stay Awake

Normally, I would just fall asleep while trying to do something and end up like on the couch or my desk after I regain consciousness. I found a way to prolong my hours of being awake! It's the odd method of just taking a shower. It's worked for me so far but I have yet to see if I will still fall asleep earlier after my body gains tolerance from taking a late evening shower. It's really that simple for me in that I just need to take a shower and if I really want to be up, I can add in some strong coffee while at it!

I'm going to adopt taking showers then and continuing to work on building more personal confidence. I'm just going to be weird by showing off about something that probably doesn't make any sense but would be funny regardless. I'm pretty much Anonymous Inc. here so I will liberate myself. I think because of this blog and how I was conducting myself from mainly not being sure of what I was conveying and a few people interpreting me to be crazy when it was really them who went loony, I was seeing a lot of cops regularly down my streets for awhile. It was like everyday wherever I went outside, I would notice a cop car.

This doesn't happen to me anymore, so my weird conclusion that I feel so joyful about is that the cops gave up on me. Good riddance! I believe that the person to blame is probably one of those who turned crazy with me and has connections with dispatching police officers. I mean my phone is easy to track and I never do anything naughty enough on there; otherwise, I would download cracks to hide myself and still be risking it. I think the person who did this to me is a girl who probably slept with someone after hopefully marrying and that guy helping her fell in love with her or something.

A really weird situation that I will share from my perception of not being aware of stuff is that I visited that old crazy crowd's hangout spot when they weren't around. There were so many cop cars driving around that street and like all lined up one after another! I think they have to act like they don't know me and probably most of them don't and then go following around the lead car like a drone because they were ordered to.

Getting Down To Detailed Considerations For Happiness

From having the benefit of a peace of mind and feeling confident about my mental health, I still feel lucky to have received what I wanted out of nothing from a few crazy people I ended up clashing with. In the end from them having said I was so bad and telling others that, nothing really horrible has happened to me even though it worried the few friends and acquaintances who were involved. It took awhile to build the strength I needed to get through those moments, but I'm glad to have achieved all I wanted from not having done anything!

With this peace of mind I am better equipped with now, I'm definitely saving my money from having to visit a therapist or life coach. I can see the detailed path that I want to lay myself out with. It's pretty simple and makes sense for me.

I totally and truly want to be a software engineer and have this knack for sticking to it even through moments I feel stressed out or frustrated from not getting it right then. It's still fun for me after all! I want to make a living out of using it to collect some passive income, and it's definitely very possible. Secondly, I'm slowly working at becoming an investor but I am a fan of reliable passive income and have been through some ups and downs already with trading in the highly volatile and risky currency market. It doesn't feel so jumpy to me anymore and like everything is all based on reasonable assertions and taking an accepted risk with a targeted profit that is both rewarding and reoccurring.

It's all coming together along with trying to go hit the gym while feeling tired and having more important things to do. This is the same for maintaining my ideal hygiene regime even though I can get the minimum in each day. It's also the same for wanting to cook and doing a growing taller attempt routine and make my face so much more handsome from using healthy products. It's crazy that strangers can take notice of me- a short guy with only a decent work out body. I've been complimented of my fashion and also body from working out. I have even been told I'm handsome by my mom whenever I present myself after getting a nice haircut and shaving, so I guess things will still be able to work out for me in the end. Lastly, I have to mention that a lot of times, all of these things can feel like a hassle so I need to push myself to get into doing them. I think it's just a daily reminder that I should as long as I feel satisfied from having done them.

Understanding Objectives With Happiness In Mind

I wake up really early regularly like around 4:30 am on weekdays. It usually leaves me feeling sleepy by the time 8 or 9 pm hits. I get ready to do things at home by around 7 pm so I'm feeling shorthanded often! I'm trying to do everything at once while staying relaxed and having fun with my personal time. I'm starting to understand this whole value of working hard, and my purpose right now which is gaining a lot of personal confidence so I can end up marrying a sexy lady who is very attracted to me.

It's really just the matter of going about doing it even though it feels like a hassle. There's really nothing to it but other interests do feel bigger during that part of the day so it's always easier to give into those things. From not having experienced it yet, I'm still feeling excited about doing that real thing with a hot lady once I get married to her.

Mapping out the things I want to work on for building confidence, it's really about making money on my own and working out. To give honor to my belief in having a relationship with Jesus, I try to tune into Scriptures while driving. It's going to be like my sixth time listening to the same complete Bible audio files, and I'm making an effort so far only like 25% of the time. The last thing I really want to do is cook.

Mapping out my life, it's probably going to be hard to follow for a few people, but it's making a lot of sense for me. The reasons for why I want to do a lot of these things is mainly to build my personal confidence and end up with a hot wife who enjoys doing it a lot! My life is centered around trying to honor God from listening to the Bible whenever I appropriately can. So far, because I spend a significant amount of time commuting by myself through traffic to go to work and visit friends who are half an hour away, this is the only time I can seriously try to pay attention to listening to Scriptures on my car stereo. At the same time during those moments, I have a habit of reflecting on positive things or some worries as well, so I can easily not be tuned in to the Bible, even though I try to snap myself out of it. I'm just rolling with acceptance that via repetition I will be able to recall decently interesting parts of the whole Bible whenever I desire to.

Finding Correct Substitutes to Pass the Time

It looks like I'm going to be trying to resist my urges of having fun with small things and playing poker regularly except from standing in a long line or being at a waiting room. I want to focus on bigger things to have fun with. I am working with a Nintendo Switch and enjoy downloading couch co-op games. It just means a friend next to you can play, and it seems like it can work effectively as a bonding tool. A lady who I have come to possibly friendzone even though I don't believe in that idea from having initially been interested in her but later on disagree with her eccentricity and just stay close friends while being bugged by her like a younger sibling sometimes, yeah it's a long explanation but I'm having an easier time with not being bothered by not having a girlfriend and her being physically attractive because of a well-placed body part. Overall, I think she's a little eccentric and her looks would just wear me out eventually as she gets older, if we physically engaged in some love business, which she claims to not be into and I'm never going to argue with her. She is a beautiful creature though on the aftermath of my assessment.

The same lady doesn't like video games that much and she enjoys a few games on my Nintendo Switch. This is really saying something to how video games can cater to the least interested and that there's a potential market to tap with the bigger enthusiasts emptying out their wallets! I'm not really engaging in playing those games anymore because I eventually disassociated with my gaming addiction. Instead, I can see the rewards that come from being challenged on creating them and just having so fun with a cool dream that comes to physical existence for others to also enjoy. It's just plain fun to play fun video games with other friends and the Switch has allowed for it happen.

I do feel awkward sometimes from being out of it a little and worn out so must be from stressing out over being obsessed about not having enough fun! I do have a lot of confidence and think it's well-deserved in that I could keep on working hard regardless and go after the things I would be comfortable about for gaining even more personal confidence.

Taking Professional Poker Less Seriously

I have this urge to play poker for money because it's so fun and addictive to win. However, the game involves some serious risk and opponents getting lucky on you. Everybody wants to always win and make a living off of it, once they get hooked on this game. I have started with a bankroll of only $50 and doubled it to end up going back down to like $10 total profit. I'm still in the green but these swings majorly suck! I want to make it get to $250. A friend told me that it will take me like three years to get there because my net profit wage is laughably only like $1 per hour.

I've been playing poker on long waiting lines where you have to grind out the time. This is common for me because I enjoy going to amusement attractions and most likely, I'm standing in line the majority of the period. I'm not somebody getting special treatment, so I feel like it's the money that talks so the more I have invested on that people attraction, the more VIP treatment I would get. It might make sense to purchase a season fast pass since I'm an enthusiast for thrill capitals of the world, but I don't have a friend who is into it and want to afford it yet. Maybe when I get a girlfriend and hopefully, she enjoys them too then I can purchase one for her also and go often as we can.

On top of my appearance with being so short and alpha male like, I think it's just so funny to consider it like that. I think personal confidence really is the key and it's rooted on me going after my personal desires like finding a really sweet hottie who is really attracted to me. I used to feel baffled from being addicted while a high school senior to watching some perverted films about ladies exposing their attractive body parts. Now I feel this confidence to go out and find someone who looks like that but is just a way better person for me to have a fun life with. A good note is that in the heart of LA, I'm taking notice of good-looking ladies walking past me. It's interesting how some are sensitive to looking at them, and they noticeably turn their heads to avoid eye contact. I have self-control so I'm not going to chase based off of looks and look for the convenience of Ms. Right being somewhere I just go to naturally and commonly.

Mixing Traditional Hard Work With Some Brains

I really like this idea of combining intelligence and hard work together. What's really nice for myself is that my mental health is great and when I'm ticked off, I'm able to better control it and work at keeping an advantage for myself. I have a weird conspiracy theory in that I think a few people were driven to become really paranoid because of a conflict I had with them. It could also maybe be like the devil trying to torture my brain cells by giving me a scare when I kept on seeing cops around. I don't really trust cops that much anymore either to be honest. I'll just let them do their job when they catch me doing something like violating carpool lanes during rush hour.

It's really about the focus and objective while tuning out the frustrations and just massively working hard for it. It's pretty much gaining what's required from engaging in your passions. It's just plain lucky to be able to do this while seeing some growth. This path isn't really for morons though who should just make a boring living and then have fun during their personal time. I'm saying this because a friend is a stubborn idiot and also really selfish while having no company around him. He just doesn't get it. I didn't get it either for awhile, but I woke up from it eventually.

Putting Focus On Objectives

Last night, I was just really tired from sleeping only two hours the day before and knocked out by around 7 pm. I could really use some better time management. Nowadays, I'm really motivated to go out and find myself a hot girl to marry and then keep on doing it while we both still like it for long as possible. I ended up watching some perverted videos of models showing off their attractive body parts unclothed again and this time I was like, I want to find someone like that who is attracted to me like crazy. I feel this confidence to go out and build even more personal confidence.

It's like there's a purpose in life, and I would like to set some time aside each day for the Lord even though I'm neglecting it in those periods. The only time I'm able to try is while driving because my head is trying to listen to Scriptures while my mind is happily fixated on something else that feels really good. I'm a believer and what's nice is that I can google for all the verses that I can recall hearing if it just caught my attention for another time.

We are living in a fast-paced, self-serving world at our own convenience, thanks to this Digital Age that I can so conveniently take advantage of for myself. I feel lucky to really enjoy it and go for making a living out of it also, on top of keeping up with my passive income strategies.

Keeping Up With Routine

It looks like my life is set to really trying to make money and then enjoy life while continuously working on myself. I'm willing to work really hard for all of this. It's a lucky time for me to be part of this era. Well, I might not feel so lucky with being in my mid-thirties and not having met the hot lady I want to be with yet. It's still okay though because I'm reaching for building all this personal confidence now so I can put myself in that spot now.

It's quite interesting because the hot lady I want to marry might not really care about me being short. She's probably interested in me being more of a decent fellow and able to adapt while having a fun lifestyle. By working on myself though, I can still chisel my body up to look in good shape while being a shorty. I really should get back into trying those uncomfortable growing taller stretches and growth spray for the joints and all in the name of just for fun. I just can't be relaxing too much and put in some more work. 

Playing For Ideal Gains

Playing and working are exchangeable words for this idea that I'm brainstorming. The objective is about imagining what you are looking for in the moment and then working hard to get there. It's like playing the game of life! It's to pretty much take little breaks often as needed and then get back to focusing again. What's not so cool is being addicted to other distractions that you completely forget about what you had in mind and lose some valuable time.

I think to solve this issue, it just takes enough discipline. It's nice though to look up on entertaining and trivial things to pass the time sometimes. It's really part of experiencing the typical human life when one is able to relax. It's just that there needs to be a point where you stomp your foot on the ground and say that's enough and get back to work.

I have this ideal scenario in mind where I get married to a hot lady and then do it a lot! It's going to be a blast when it happens, until maybe she no longer appears that hot to me. Balancing around a family life, it would be so cool if I could benefit off of the passive income endeavors that I'm moving towards. On top of that, I still need to focus and move on as necessary with the wasted efforts I put myself through.

One of the things I feel grateful for overall is that I don't have to worry about mental health issues constantly with myself. I have done well enough to get what I desired for nothing from that crazy group in the last decade. It's rough to notice in my mentally ill friend that she loses her train of thought and goes into psychosis which leaves her drained afterwards and makes her forget her goal to exercise to take off some of her added pounds.

Understanding My Situation To Make Money

I have a pretty interesting and exciting way with how I want to make money. I'm going to do it through taking calculated risks and go for controlling the amount I lose while honing my strategies to keep on making a lot of money fast. I'm really into this whole passive income thing or generating profit with a little bit of time invested.

It's really from having come this far that I have developed a passion for it. I'm not really keen on sharing any of my strategies though because it's not right for me to talk about it, if I spent all this time with working hard on it. I don't want to give others a free pass that they don't deserve. They have to earn it by being better than me, and I won't be an easy opponent! This is how the rest of the people are with the ones I'm trying to legally take money from by playing consuming games professionally.

 If I can get there to the top and feel comfortable with sharing then maybe, but not right now. I'm just going to act deceitfully by being nice to my opponents but in actuality I want to take every penny from them so I can use it for my own selfish purposes.

Actually, I do have a traditional way which is through software engineering. I guess this is my high-level job that will make me some good income anytime my actual business plans don't work out. I really enjoy it and feel so lucky.

Keeping Track of Plans

It's pretty easy with what I'm looking for in a girl, and it's probably what most guys will feel so lucky to have in their lives. I want a hot girl who is really into me and wants to make love and enjoy plenty of physical pleasure with me. It's very motivating to go about trying to meet her these days and also working hard for it. I don't mind going to the gym to work out for getting in shape while working hard to gain lots of money for building a lot of personal confidence. I think a hot girl is someone who isn't lazy and doesn't pack on too much weight while not looking so old and is also really sweet. I'm not stating any specifics about her body features because I don't think it matters that much anymore with it coming in all shapes and sizes. I can seriously settle down with a hot girl I'm looking for.

There's a lady who has admitted to having a crush on me and been frustrated with me not showing her enough affection. She has a mental disease and acts a little crazy while trying to shut me out sometimes. It is pretty annoying to deal with honestly and she also can't figure out her weight problem right now. From dealing with this lady and still being friends with her, she will hit me up when she bounces back and can also fluctuate from being rude while furious or loving towards me the next second.

Yeah, with this experience of being a close friend to a mentally ill person, I know the strategy to deal with the old crowd who went crazy with me now. It will work for me because I recognize it emotionally, so I will share it because it's good to try if someone is desperately looking for anything to bury the hatchet. Approach the seriously uncomfortable conversation to them and talk about how they are being crazy to them and around anyone in their surroundings. With them acting so bad, it will be obvious to everyone that they are over-reacting. The next step is to get them to feel bad about it, so they will put in a little effort to make amends. It's basically holding your own temper by not giving into it like they are while pointing out how they are being crazy. It's very funny for me being the one to go at it with them, but they will be so ticked off while not being able to do anything about it. It's basically outsmarting them by really exploring their psyche and having a discussion about it because it relates to you with them.

My personality can work with them in that by being my open rude self, I can be genuinely funny while making connections that make sense. I'm basically preying upon the weak to get what I want because with winners, I wouldn't really have too much issues with them in the first place.

Been Keeping Busy

Well, I had a cool weekend with going rafting on a well-known river that can be deadly. Fortunately, the rapids were calm with the location we went to but it's something to not really mess around with either by ensuring safety precautions. We had guides and life vests on which made it a lot easier to stay on top of the river. We all jumped in and moved down stream with the current, which was relaxing while staying afloat. We even had a competitive rafting race and played some water fights with other groups. Overall, it was a really fun experience.

I have been working on an app with a group as well and it's been serious. They have already been making some progress on it, and it's going somewhere. This is my second attempt with building an app, and I feel more confident to take on this role from working as a developer for my current company. The first time didn't take off because a buddy wanted to take the lead and with his idea, he wanted 66% of the share while splitting the rest among us two. Also, he wasn't very capable and frustrating to try to work with. I gave up on it but we're still friends though.

I guess it's important to surround yourself with the right people by going out of your way to find the right venues and taking the initiative to put yourself forward. A lot of this has been possible from also developing somewhat of my communication skills by writing clearly on here and organizing my thoughts carefully. It's also been a dream to let all of this naturally flow effortlessly.

Finding the Correct Path

In life, a lot of different angles arise and there's a path to take and even one of my closest, idiotic friends does the same thing. Choosing the best one is pretty much the correct path, and how does one go about it if he or she isn't sure? There are emotional, mental, and physical factors in the natural playing field. All of them need to line up to work. It's probably going to be easiest to start with considering your passions.

I made a terrible mistake in the past by just trying to roll along with the punches just for the money. In this case, it should be resorted for true idiots like my friend I mentioned. He doesn't get it that he won't get it and keeps on thinking while doing dumb things that will add on to his list of reasons to stay depressed. I have made fun of him plenty and he always puts up a wall and then goes scrambling for looking at the bright side of things. If he just has a consistent paying job while saving and always being really bored, he's set. He has the capacity to go this far in life!

I don't think people have shown him enough things to do and he's just going to take credit for it himself if shown the ropes, so I'm telling this idiot to do it on his own and he sure is doing that while not being that successful. At least he has a set goal in mind, even though he might not reach it ever. As long as his goals become more realistic and in his league then he'll be doing better, but far as I know, he set the bar way too high and can't fulfill them even with all his might. This leads to his depression and social anxiety being around lucky people.

I'm concluding to not think like this idiot, but to figure out your true passions. I don't think he realizes that he has a main God-given talent that isn't being really appreciated enough. He doesn't mention it, so he's struggling there. It's tough to be in that situation, so I would settle for developing skills that you feel passionate about and will be financially rewarding. Trying to just follow the trend with only making some money is just too dumb like playing the lottery, unless the player doesn't care about losing and finds it really fun to play a little. Losing isn't fun at all, but if it's always disregarded then yeah it's a passion if you feel good from the positive results; otherwise, it's a weird obsession! There are some passions a person should learn to avoid like gambling, over-spending, over-eating, laziness, illegal activities, etc.

Typing Out True Goals

Honestly, what's really stuck on my mind is to meet a totally available chick without any baggage on her shoulders and is downright just into me and wants to get married and then just do it very often! I want to please my desire to just please this gal very massively in the bedroom and do it often too for awhile, until it feels like a chore maybe. It's probably never going to feel old though and always bring so much excitement. Well, if she gains some weight then probably won't be that encouraging to try anymore from being too heavy on the eyes. I'm a stubborn guy so I will be locked in this marriage no matter what happens then and I'll be the best guy for the job. I think I'll pick a girl who doesn't have that much trouble doing couple things while enjoying the outdoors. I'm not looking for a skinny girl who will just keep on eating to drown out miseries from having naughty kids or missing her past friends and then gain too much weight after!

Okay, it was fun proofreading the last paragraph. I know what I'm really talking about there! Next thing, I'm really trying to gain a lot of money so I can move out comfortably and start dating a lady. I also want this money to give me so much freedom to do all the fun things I want to do and then my life becomes about arranging all the fun things I do to just enjoy myself or to have fun while making more money too! It's a win-win situation and I see it now with that old crowd who turned crazy with me too. All they can really do is just salvage themselves in a moral sense and embrace all the losses. I really see how I've made a lot of incredible progress. It's not a big deal to me anymore though and the vow I made with the Lord turns out to be a really good one regarding them. I will stay happy even if I never fulfill my true goals dealing with that crazy crowd. Well, it's not good riddance for me to be honest. It's just accepting that I have learned how to make the best out of my situation because I'm just willing to work so hard for it while realizing my passions these days.

Following Up With More Thoughts

I'm friends with this guy who is trying to date other girls once in awhile and chasing after them. It gets a little frustrating for me because I do have lady friends, and I don't want to make them uncomfortable. They are going to like them because a few of my closest lady friends are considerably hot. I find them to be much normal these days with some girl features that do stand out and make me do get attracted to them. I just don't give into those feelings because I want to find someone better! I'm able to hold some decent conversations and actually have fun at a personal level, so I think that's what makes me qualified to be great friends with them. Both of them are pretty cute and shorter than me and much to my liking with being in a relationship if I can hide my personal displeasure of being reminded of how short I am. This is probably even more with taller ladies too, but I do find it a challenge worth pursuing after. It makes it pretty hard for me because physically I feel it but if I'm able to hit it off with someone and have fun then those insecure feelings just go away all of a sudden. Some ladies are ultra cool, and I like them because of that.

Getting back to my buddy, he's pretty much unworthy to be with the girl he wants to be with. He comes across as too mellow to fix his issues. He doesn't really get active and prefers just relaxing. He will have moments of making some effort because it bugs him, but it isn't enough and I think he still finds acceptance with his own life. He's very sociable as well too, but I don't want him to really be around a girl I'm into now. I don't think he will be that good if the girl I like makes some flirtatious moves with him. It happens and it's nice to be honest, but I don't want him to get any wrong ideas and add on to being turned down some more later on with this girl I like too. It will just add too much complications because he is my buddy.

Fun With Personal Endeavors

First off, I'm a really picky person on moral grounds. If I develop a crush on a lady who is seeing another guy, then I'm going to be really sad most likely and leave her alone. If she breaks up, then I'm still going to be sad. It's probably because I will have been used to seeing them together and hoping that maybe they will work things out again. I'm also someone who is really touchy about a girl haven't done it and lost that pureness with another. I haven't done it with anyone either, so yeah I'm really about all that feel good moment and leading up to pick someone who is so hot and wonderful for me. I'm still going at it after all these years from being so stubborn. Like I said, I haven't broken my vows with God yet even though I have been so tempted to like literally, I'm right there and knowing I can do it but I just don't. I'm just really stubborn to sticking to it, but I also truly believe in having a relationship with the Lord, too.

All this stuff used to depress me, but now I'm feeling quite happy and jiggly underneath in some odd way which I don't mind personally. I don't show it often to people because they might get crazy or too offended and then I could be getting into endless arguments over the same thing. This is mainly with my parents so they are slightly off-centered and don't have much of a social life. It's because of me and I don't want to listen to their weird plans of how to live life, so they shut themselves off. I tell my mom all the time what to do for me, but she's unable to. It's really all based on my own impressive feats that I can get it going and there's nothing my parents can do about it, if I get to a happy state they don't want me to obtain because it's going to affect them. They will have to live with watching dramas for the all the fun distractions and let their life go passing by then. They do hang out and stick close to each other though, so it's a good example I have grown up with. Like an odd fellow, because of them shouting and yelling so much and then treating it like it's nothing after five to ten minutes go by, I am used to being like that too. It's pretty good enough to freak anyone out if I don't explain it and just keep pushing for some agenda after they aren't talking about how they were being negative and not fixing it. Maybe there really is something psychological after reasoning with myself that nothing really bad was going on in the first place. It was really hard to make sense out of all of this like a mature and wise person would. I'm glad I went through it and eventually came out on the happier side.

Comparing to my moral grounds which is starting to be more flexible and accepting of how others have been in the past with another prudish friend, this guy is a true moron. He's incredibly selfish and just goes about hiding it to others while sticking to his prideful moments and thoughts to keep himself going. He can't do much about his depressive states which is based on him being a failure and unable to adapt comfortably to turn it around. This very state that he can get himself into is the definition of a moron. He's been wanting me to find a happy relationship with the one though, so he can find resolve in that area with his selfish reasoning. He is inferior in terms of giving advice for exercising sound decisions and gets defensive, but now I've been taking some really hard straight shots at his character. It's pretty entertaining because he gets stunned by me often.

Progress With Personal Projects

I think it looks like that my ultimate desire with making money is to pretty much get it from putting in the time and money to invest in the right places and then just keep on kicking it while continuously collecting. I don't really care for working with a lot of people and being the top dog at their company. I just want to relax and have fun while getting married to a sexy lady who gets constantly turned on by me, so I'm working hard for getting there someday.

I'm really starting to grind a lot when it comes to programming. I think it's really the field for me and even though I don't understand how to tackle some problems, I'm just there hacking away at trying to come up with a clever solution on my own. I only had two hours of sleep last night from trying to complete a tough programming problem for an app. It was fun because I can seriously see myself doing something like this to try to earn some big money.

I have also adapted a semi-investing style when it comes to trading the volatile Forex market. I have stepped up a level on the higher timeframes because I just don't want to put in the time for watching it that often. Still if I could do well with this bird's eye view, then I'm minimizing the amount of time to feel like it's going to waste. 

Understanding Focus

I guess a person should be doing all he can to look out for himself. It's been fun to answer some questions online I feel confident with to contribute something for information and discussion. I'm really going to have to set out with doing my own priorities and commitments first. I have been taking notice that I can focus a lot better at something I have a heavy interest in.

Maybe I did have some learning issues back in the past, but that's all behind me now. I struggled and put in the time to get better at it over time, while learning to embrace the situations. Overall, I think this blog is one of my keys to success. It's a place where I could organize my own thoughts- where I could hold a mental lab to come up with something that works effectively and go for becoming a Rockstar at it.

For the time being, I'm just going to have to utilize my time effectively and embrace situations that just plain suck. It has to be about trying to play related things smart as possible and making consistent effort while making useful adjustments. What can make life fun is that being successful is about employing the correct strategies and being talented to work with it. There's just so much to keep on going after and sticking to distractions is fun while sometimes rewarding to make a living off of, but it would have to be about a person's passion and ability to garner support for it.

Nothing is really standing in my way for being educated these days. It's about making the best out of the situation and to just keep on going with working hard at something you do because you love doing it. It's crazy because I can't just focus on only one thing. I want to be self-sufficient in other areas too all the time, but I feel worn out with my principle desires. I guess I have to just keep on moving forward to go after advancing in life with something I really want to do which is making money off of software engineering.

To summarize this one, it's about looking at the important objectives and then letting yourself get carried away with other distractions if you can't handle it. I think the hard work comes from sacrificing the fun that would arise from being distracted, but it wouldn't be fulfilling in the end after all because it amounts to nothing. It's better to just keep on working hard and giving one's all even if it doesn't feel comfortable. I think at the end of the day, it's to just figure out if it's going to be something you can commit to for the long term and if not, to start working hard to get out of it and find something better. It's really about feeling the fulfillment that would arise from it and if it's really worth it for practical cases.

Self-Assessment is King of Myself

Looking back at trying to resolve a grudge this little and messed-up church has with me, I think I wrote some really good messages that are like moving pieces. I composed them right from the heart and stated it clearly. It's like very moving in a sense and can capture your attention and then there's really nothing the opposition can say back to appease my concerns, so it gets pretty hard. I guess if the opposition wants it to be put away, then it's going to give her a hard time.

Testing out my strength with debates, I'm able to prey on the weak and those are the only ones I want to engage in. I don't want to argue with another winner, unless maybe we're both competing for the same position in politics. It's pretty tough being in politics because I'm already assuming that it's going to be too hard and overwhelming, plus I don't have enough passion to keep up with it.

I think that's the key for success in that whatever you are willing to keep up with no matter how hard it is and is on your mind still, even after you dismissed it intentionally from giving into other distractions; you still go for it because you feel the passion. I feel this way about software engineering and swing trading for profit and likely going to be adding in investing for getting rich, too. For my spiritual life, no matter how much I dump my own thoughts to replace hearing God's Word, I'm still trying to capture God's Word in my heart. I'm also sticking to a hard routine of running 5.5 miles every weekend, too, no matter how much I get myself hammered.

Making More Small Fixes

From yesterday, I realize that I'm a very stubborn person who can stay fixated at one point and keep on being there no matter what happens to me. It's the very definition of being stubborn but it can be bad for me because I'm fixated on just having fun a lot, while neglecting work. After all, I think the only thing I really have to work on is pushing myself to get started and keep my mind off of distractions because I don't seem to have too much trouble sticking with it once I'm getting going.

A problem with being stubborn arises in that it's hard to drop silly altercations sometimes. Situations with others can escalate if a person doesn't know what he's doing. This happened to me a little too many times, and I wish I could run those back to be more smooth about it but it's too late. I have to embrace it and move on. A few people were mentioning these small phrases, "Move on. Situation escalated. Have to be smooth." I honestly just didn't get it while being nice, and it drove most of them crazy. I'm being so heartless about it now because it's the past and I'm lucky that nothing really bad happened to me. I learned all of these new ranges of negative emotions and without them, I wouldn't know what makes a happy person in the first place.

In this sense of stressing out, I need to just continuously stick to where I want to go and work really hard to understand the situation while staying completely nice about it. I have the niceness part, but I just couldn't understand what drove them crazy back then. Nowadays, I have a really good opinion why they did and it's only because I can relax more from having actually won those battles. We all could use a little luck sometimes, and I definitely had enough to favor me in that sense to keep me alive and happy.

Understanding the Struggle

I think the first thing is to admit the problem, and now I realize that I have an emotional complex in regards to showing an aversion to hard work. This can't really be good for me either because I want to always be contrary, but my mind and emotions play tricks on me all the time with what I want selfishly. This is a really hard game to master for oneself. It's like I could be settling for a long voyage of feeling baffled while trying to work hard to make end's meet and fearing that I could be regretting what I did in the end. This is exactly the reason why I let myself loose and try to have fun and always want to maximize it with my free time on my own. I still think like a good kid, but want to gain the confidence I want from conquering my stressful goals while letting all the passion stay wild underneath me.

The confidence is really dependent on reaching a goal and if it doesn't happen, then it's going to be depressing for most people I guess, and I think it's common for a person to not be so highly motivated like I am. I think my strategy is to just write all of my personal issues out on here and then do the best I can to solve it, so I can save a lot of money and not have to visit any life coach or therapist for some assistance. I have to take in the struggle, but the worst part has already passed for me. It's crazy how I gained so much more emotional stability and confidence in people relationships from others acting like selfish and ignorant brats with me because they were so worried and afraid of something they didn't want to let out. I also drove a few of them nuts from just constantly bringing it up and playing dumb with them too while seeking for answers to satisfy my urges of trying to screw them over. I was really nice the whole time, and they just became crazy. People can be so crazy sometimes when you least expect it. It's life and something to embrace now. By being the way I was and still am, I savor from realizing now that I won those battles highly discreetly. It's what I like to call, my gentleman's touch.

Yesterday, I ended up getting hung up over testing my level of sexual arousal. It was pretty fun watching perverted, close-up videos of some hot and young ladies. I was really turned on to the point I couldn't hold it anymore which is weird because I usually need the physical touch, but I think the sexual stimulation was way over then the normal threshold for me. This is how excited I became from imagining the fun I could have with someone equally hot and the right fit for me. Just from my physiological senses having been overloaded and with the whole heart matter included, I still technically didn't break my vow with God.

I'm really that stubborn even though I'm playing with fire in not breaking any vows with God. I don't really expect anything in return either. It's probably stupid that I didn't ask for anything in exchange, but from being a nice guy probably and knowing what I wanted for myself, I offered up some really good vows to the Lord.

What I completely did is normal and not something I should entirely feel guilty for. The Lord is my Shepherd and strength and I am trying to conform to His Word via my daily eccentricity. I am a heartless sinner even though I'm a good guy. It's all of these duplicities that I am aware of for myself. Just reflecting on the Lord's true mercy and compassion for me, I have rest assured that I am not condemned for my stupid mistakes. I do feel like a wreck though and this is something I have to work on for myself by continually making better changes for myself.

I'm not really feeling it with Online Poker anymore and the only reason why I play it is to pass the time with trying to gamble at being productive like when I'm standing in a long line. I don't want to entertain it when I'm at the computer anymore and work on the stuff that is stressing me out. I'm only prolonging the inevitable because those stressful things are what I want to actually accomplish in the long run. It's like in my perspective to keep it going like a marathon. I should just put it on full gear and never look back while having fun with my other distractions besides enjoying dirty, fun videos.

How Does One Get To Success?

I believe success occurs from mixing in talent, hard work, and being lucky to have it. One of my biggest obstacles that still remain with me today is just wanting to only sit around and enjoy myself to pass the time. It's really, difficult hard work to constantly stay focused and deal with overwhelmed feelings. I guess it's a daily part of doing business and something a person would have to become so good at blocking out in order to be a professional. At the end of the day and reflecting on it, if it's something you really enjoyed then that's just being lucky in itself. 

I have the pieces that I want to work with now for making a lot of money and using it to get to where I want to. I'm starting out pretty late in life with my realizations in where I want to go. I was totally distracted from having so much fun with video games and trying to go out to meet people and make friends. I still enjoyed those years, but now I'm shifting into a more practical lifestyle so I can afford those fun and healthy distractions for myself. It's pretty much a trade off with a person getting what he wants.There's really nothing to it, but to just constantly push yourself with the motivation of wanting to do it in the first place and staying focused while doing legal things like drinking coffee or energy drinks to stay awake. 

The vision I really have is making money from setting up passive income from investing in dividend stocks and collecting from sales or ads on my software developed products and to also spend a little time each day trying to make money off of other Forex traders and online Poker players. I basically don't want to work for a company anymore, but go off to do my own thing. It's really hard considering the hardships I'm trying to endure today but I'm still going at it and it's a cool dream I would love to achieve while holding onto a job where I have to average ten hours a day during the weekday right now. I need it for the money, and it's the thing that is bogging me down the most along with living with my parents. I want to be financially successful and move out and raise my confidence to start dating and find a hot girl who is my type to marry. I also need to find a way to get back into the gym to work out my muscles and for bigger definition along with feelings of being stronger. It's all pretty hard but something you just have to keep going after little by little. 

To summarize all of this, my day is supposed to be composed of working hard in doing the things I love and have to do at the same time to make more money so I can get out of a jam in still living with my parents and having to work for them at their blooming business. This is also my main objective for building the confidence I want to start dating. Secondly, I want to give some time to work out and build plenty of strength while focusing on my health. Lastly, I want to keep on having some fun with my distractions with close friends and gaming devices I'm working with. 

Pushing After Dreams

I do feel like I'm a little too old for childish thoughts now at the age of thirty-six. I've never been married once and haven't intimately done it with anybody either. I don't think people are really going to put much thought into it, except only get a little interested if I'm able to share good success stories. I do want to constantly have a lot of those that feel good too.

There's really nothing to it, except put myself into what feels like an uncomfortable furnace and keep on working at it. It's something that I enjoy doing, but I also just want to relax a lot to appease my mind. It could just be a solid weakness I have.

My dream is pretty simple in that I want to build a lot of confidence from being successful to my own eyes and then pursue after a relationship with a hot lady who believes I'm her type and is such a horndog! I'm a little sad with being pretty old to have a first baby now too. Who really knows though until it really happens?

I haven't really dreamt much of having my own kid, except on happy and sexy relationships with fine women. I don't know how becoming a parent will turn out for me and if it's going to be a curse or a blessing. I'm sure having a lot of money to begin with will make it a lot easier to give all the love and support I can.

First thing's first, I'm a nobody in this world and comfortable with not really being recognized for anything. At the same time, I want to go after obtaining enough riches with a dream body. I can be satisfied with that and along with being married to a sexy companion and having a partnership to raising kids that come from making so much love!

If I can obtain these things, then all I really need to do next is maintain my investments and maintain my happiness from continuing to work hard and being able to spend more time with doing nice hobbies that don't really get in anyone's way.

Reflecting On Small Problem

Yesterday and just out of the blue, I was wondering what my dream girl I want to sleep with would physically look like. I went on a site to look up on legal prostitution sites that are close by, and I'm not revealing how because I don't want to encourage it. I then went on those sites and judged the sexiness of those courtesans and most of them didn't really feel attractive to me. A few of them were very hot to me but I also wondered at the same time with how many clients she's already had. 

I've been just thinking to myself that if I could be lucky enough to fall in love with a gorgeous lady who wants to do it a lot, then I'm not going to have any issues with the hot ladies who are my good friends being married to another guy besides me. I just need this one chick in my life to be happy and set! I think it could be a mixture of sadness and loneliness for me when I see a lady I adore with another right now. I'm really happy for her if things are working great, but it's a little struggle for me to be reminded of being single. It makes me want to keep on working hard on myself for reaching that lucky moment. 

Another thing I found is that once I became really sleepy and laid down, it was lights out. I really should have taken a shower, and I skipped on it from checking out the sexiness of some popular harlots. I was even put to sleep while doing this, and it started to get boring for me. Maybe appearances aren't everything after all, now that I'm thinking about the right woman I would love to marry.

I'm just going to have to push myself to work on my current plans, and there's really nothing to it after.

Current Update

I managed to get on board with a real-life, software development project. It's something I'm doing on the side, and I share the same vision with the founder of the app that's being worked on. She wants to make it free for anyone interested and to help out a community because she sees a use for it. I ended up going to one of those meetups and found that I had a lot of fun with it because it is a competitive, team sport for amateurs. I can see the whole fun in getting together and having a contest with other teams in the region and to even take it to a global scope later on. It's cool stuff and along with that, she wants to do affiliate marketing to make some money off of it. This is what I'm also interested in doing with my software engineering, and it would be a nice opportunity for me to work with others. I've picked something that I'm interested in developing because I felt a connection with it.

In contrast, I tried playing Internet Poker today and I feel like it's wasting my time now. It's addictive to keep on winning and let the time pass by, but it doesn't feel fulfilling for me when I'm hitting a short stump. However, I do not feel this way at all when I'm having a hard time with trading. I still think it's fun coming up with a profitable strategy that I could apply for the long term and keep all to myself.

My daily activity during the weekday is mostly going to be listening to the Bible while driving, working on my trading skills, studying everything related to software development, answering a requested question on a knowledge database and/or blogging on here whenever I get the chance to stay on top of it, trying to work out regularly, attending meetups I'm professionally interested in, getting proper hygiene in, finishing up my Extra To Do List, trying to cook a delicious and healthy recipe, and having some fun working with a gaming device.

Basically, the bulk of my time should really make up studying things related to software development, learning to trade systematically really well, and maintaining my health. The weekends are pretty much my time to relax and to also keep up with what I'm desiring at the moment.

This week I'm joining friends to watch a movie on a weekday, and I guess I will have to pass next time since I have decided to take up an actual group project. I'm really going to push myself with sticking with software engineering because it is challenging to get myself started and pretty stressful. Looking back though, I don't regret putting the work into it though and just want to keep on going and trying to make a really nice living off of it.

Simple Progression

Yesterday, right after I checked the time it was around 9:00 pm. I ended up taking a shower and doing all my bed time hygiene finally. I plan to do so again and keep it up. It's just something really basic, and I think I really am a regimental person and the things I like to try to accomplish routinely might be pretty intense for an average person. My college years was really abnormal too and I consider myself a failure even though I graduated with a Bachelor's in Computer Science. Some people think I'm very smart, but I don't see myself like that because I have to spend a lot of time on things in order to get it and to also be very lucky.

It might be just that I have an unyielding spirit with wanting to keep on going when it comes to challenging programming problems that I'm able to come up with a working solution eventually and then feel great about it. It makes a really nice living! It can be stressful, but still reflecting on it, I just don't mind seriously because it feels so good once it's completed. I think it's really fun to make it happen from doing the practical work.

I would really like to brainstorm and claim ownership with my own line of software engineering and then go after making some big bucks! I'm actually having fun for once and yesterday really felt like that before I knocked out and forgot that I even lied down today.    

What I'm Really Trying To Add In

For the last few days, I've really been just trying to get a shower in right before bed time. It looks like when I need to sleep then I'm just going to give out, so I might as well just discipline myself to go take one instead of just lying there and thinking to myself that I'm going to just shut my eyes for a little bit. Before I get that point of no return for me, when the clock hits after 8:00 pm then I'm going to set myself to take one along with all the bed-time hygiene because it looks like it's closing in for me by then while still feeling active.

Being diligent is not such a bad thing and as long as it feels right even though the workload might feel battering, it's the state of mind to go for being in for long as possible! Along with that, it's cool to just have fun after the work is complete like enjoying dessert. I'm starting to understand this balance and need to just push myself a little sometimes because it keeps on feeling right when I do go for it and reflect on it after.  

Adjusting Some More

Instead of going back to constantly breaking even from playing online Poker, I would like to instead look at other side jobs that would provide a more stable income along with always being what I enjoy doing. I guess I can play online Poker on my phone for a little money whenever I'm looking to kill time while getting some reception, and I don't have my other jobs to work on readily accessible to me.

These days, I'm feeling very emotionally stable with myself and while thinking I've been a pretty smart and lucky dude with how a few bad things turned out. It's really not that bad on my end to be honest, and it brings me so much joy about that but it would be really annoying having to go back there and try to deal with it more. I feel like resolving it though just for my own personal satisfaction and doing it under my own terms. In the meantime, I'm going to take my time on that and keep on trying to have a lot of fun with where I'm trying to go in my life. I guess in that sense, I do feel lucky and to even have a job I really enjoy doing and also went to school for. It seems like mostly my female friends take some interest in me and remember my profession. The other guy friends out there sort of don't act that way with me.

Maybe, it's just the way life is and totally natural. I'm pretty tough to mess with when it comes to serious things, but I can be really gentle to nice ladies and stay that way forever. Being nice is a very likeable trait and I'm like that to my lady friends so it would make sense that they would want to stay cool and try to understand me a bit.

Taking Care Of Business

What's really crazy is that with my vow to God, I'm not breaking it at all but still I have found some leeway to view erotic softcore films. They are mostly in the gender of comedy, so I really doubt the act with two ladies kissing each other really means anything for each other. What is crazy is that even though I didn't do the thing that would make me break my vow, I still became bored of those films! It's probably from realizing it's mostly acting. I'm falling asleep while watching it too, and this doesn't really happen much to me.

I was so close to breaking the vow like that easy, and there's really no way out for me so I can't. My mind is stubborn like that. Maybe once I get married and she needs a little extra motivation or push, then maybe it will be my time to make a release point. I hope I find her soon!

In the meantime with yesterday, I actually updated my Extras [To-Do] list and got rid of something on there. This means the approach is working for me! It's like I can't do anything else until I have exhausted everything on my Extras list. I'm really taking a liking to all this. I only have about seven things left to attempt and finish up on. It's pretty motivating for me actually to get my life back in order.

Committing To Better Steps

It looks like my two side businesses are back to hitting a rut. Fortunately, I don't need to put anymore money into them to keep it going. I just let it shutdown and turn it back on whenever I want to. This is very convenient actually. One of the side business activity is playing Internet poker very little for some change and fun. I guess it could be more of a recreational activity for me then because I'm not too committed about becoming a professional.

For my other side business, it totally fits my personality and life-style choice. In addition, it doesn't take that much time for me, and I could be playing to have fun by researching on related things for making money I'm interested in to build some mental stamina. I'm adjusting the business hours of my side businesses now to going on vacation with the Internet Poker for awhile now. I hate losing often that much!

With an extra free 30 minutes to an hour to kill now from refraining on Internet Poker, I might as well get myself more wiggle room to do business with app developing and trying to promote it. I would like to try to make a lot of money with it, and I'm just willing to put everything I have into it so might as well keep on proceeding now. I'll try to get done with the extras first [my updated to-do list] before doing all the other mentally distracting activities that can be overwhelming all at once, while thinking about them.

New Adjustments

I'm finding myself having trouble taking a shower before going to bed. I'm not totally dirty after work or anything, but I would love to get one in to keep the sheets nice and clean for long as possible! It's pretty interesting in that I'm also capable of thinking like a low-maintenance type woman, but still it's something. I think I can just relate better while not being in the mood most of the time with wearing my heart on my sleeve. I'm just more in tune with my emotions and thought-process that it's receiving more attention than anything else sometimes. It's nice to do funny and cool things because I can reflect on those for a long time while enjoying myself.

Still, I'm getting better with paying attention these days. I guess because I'm so used to doing things I find to be funny and cool that it's easy to zone out to like paying attention to the Bible over something that feels like ancient history! I'm back on the Old Testament again and it's pretty much listening to history on repeat with a people and culture I have no affiliation with, but trying to spend some time with it because of my faith in Jesus. Maybe, it's actually understandable with what I'm dealing with but I want to find no excuses with not paying attention to God's Word whenever I'm listening to it!

Adjusting To Good Methods

I'm so interested in working hard to get to where I want to be now, and I don't mind putting in what's required. I'm still going to have some fun though even if it takes me awhile. I'm looking to get to that place and then settle down with the right gal. I only have one lady friend who messages me often even with her busy schedule. I also have another lady too who does if she isn't thinking too crazy with her mental episodes. I even have a third one and a fourth and so forth, just that it keeps on getting more rare to hear from them as it goes down the list.

Anyways, this really nice lady friend of mine is getting married again to a guy who is very plugged in with and share the same ethnic background. I think it's cool to be honest that they have some similarities especially from having busy work schedules and able to work things out. I guess it works for her because she has this independent mindset and enjoys being super active while having a ton of work. I think she gets her high off of being a workhorse while giving some of her time to treat me like an extended family member.

I hope I can meet another cool personality like hers but someone who is more hotter obviously and has more time on her hands to be together with me. She does show some genuine interest, but not in any romantic way. It's no worries. She has told me a few times already that Mrs. Right really has terrible directions with finding her way to me because it's taking forever. I replied to her on text that it's maybe because I'm too hidden from mostly other guys having taller shoulders than me and being too busy having fun with the things I'm working on. It was pretty cool to laugh at each other's messages, and I enjoyed the light exchange we had over something serious.

I messaged another lady who replied with the thumbs up icon a few too many times already after exchanging on Facebook Messenger while being former friends that I think she's also supposed to be an ideal buddy to me. Yet, I confessed to her that I might have been really interested in her already but that it fell out. Maybe this lady compared to the cool friend who is turning out to be one of my best buddies is really nothing in comparison and I misjudged the actual relationship, so I should be less optimistic about her now. Basically, I already said pretty cool in my message instead of using awesome or something better and that I appreciate her instead of like being in love.

Tempting To Regret Vows But Better Things Are In Reach

I can say that I'm really lucky in that from making these vows to the Lord and something I'm wholeheartedly sticking to even though I want to break them during my vulnerable moments which isn't that bad to begin with, it's actually not that bad! If my vulnerable moments were really that crazy, then I would be put in jail from breaking the law and that's not happening at that moment. It would have gone by already with all this significant time to work on something. If I was planning a major heist and got away with it, it still means I didn't get caught so I'm seen as innocent to the law. It just means that a few individuals would be wishing I didn't screw them over. Like an evil person I can be, I'm still saying that I'm not breaking the law and by saying it this way, I'm not in jail at the moment so I'm innocent no matter how someone wants to look at it differently!

Okay, I'm trying to be a smarty pants and accept outcomes where the chips fall nicely as possible at the same time. Getting back to my topic, it is tempting sometimes to break my vow to the Lord but I'm still not giving into them like no matter what. This vow is just reaching into like the deepest part of my stubbornness and confidence that I can stick to it just for my faith in Jesus!

Looking at it now, because I'm not distracted from giving into what I would usually do, there's the better options to go for and those are ideally the best things to have. It's just that they are monstrously difficult and require so much effort that it's possible I could die while never reaching those goals. It's still morally better to go after those things besides being distracted if I were to break my oath and give into stupidity. It's really working out still and I'm starting to accept where the chips will fall while doing the best I can to work harder than even the most lucky people out there to get to their spot I would love to be in! I'm not sweating much either while working at getting there. It's practically trying to get there from using fun methods. If it never happens, at least I died trying while enjoying myself. I'm ready to keep on moving forward.

24 Hours Of Using New To-Do List Method

It works pretty well and that I must add! I gave it a new nickname, Extras. I already completed out some tasks and added in another. It's pretty cool in that I can prioritize by rearranging the rows all I want to. If I don't need a row anymore, I can just hit the clear button on my mobile phone and then move it to a blank row which will then move all the filled rows up by one. I downloaded a free app called Google Sheets which is nice and works without any connection as well. I'm sure then it will update itself on Google Drive once it's able to reconnect.

It's pretty convenient overall and something you could just organize on the go. My life feels a lot less cluttered from putting in only the extras that's going on my life and leaving out all of that mess I keep on remembering and fumbling over. It turns out to be something that works out well and what I would recommend to others who are in my situation.

New To-Do List Method

Besides just writing tasks out with pen and paper now, I'm resorting to a simple To-Do List found on Google Spreadsheet with just a g-mail account. If you don't know how to get there, just go to new, next Google Sheets; click the '>' next to it and then click on From a template and then you will locate it easily.

What I have done which is contradictory is list everything that I want to do and then overwhelm myself with the list. I end up giving up on it, but now I'm thinking of a better method. It is to list it out least as possible. Basically, thinking like an economist it's everything new that goes on there ceteris paribus. I know it doesn't make any sense, so let me explain!

The things that are ingrained on my mind are the ones I have no trouble recalling anytime, even in my dreams.  This makes it easier to leave them out of the To Do List because I know I'm going to neglect working out sometimes. I also know how it bothers me to not brush my teeth twice a day and apply some hair-saving Rogaine twice too and easily neglect it daily. I always get around to doing it once a day on average, so it's better than nothing.

Other things that I neglect and want to do all the time is find time to cook delicious food and top my mom. I could start proceeding again with those annoying growing taller stretches for my short frame and this growth spray that might just be a placebo. At least I feel better when I do it!

Basically, there are so many things on my mind that I have been neglecting for awhile. I know I want to do these things and have a really hard time getting around to doing but when the timing is right, I'm going to jump on it. Those are the things I can leave out of my list now and just put in the new ones and try to get the new ones done. Also, I should put in place the ones I agreed to do with someone else and stop being a push over about it unless it really is going to be impossible to do.

What's also funny is that when I'm planning to be tired and get ready to sleep after 8:00 pm by taking a shower before hand and taking care of my hygiene, I'm not really so tired anymore. Maybe I should use this contradictory thing to my advantage and get more done as much as I can do when I'm feeling so distracted with wanting to relax to cool anime episodes or curious about a female celebrity's body measurements.

Thinking More Reasonably With My Time

It looks like I'm reasonably on top of my software engineering online class right now. I feel really cool about it while having a job as a software developer. I've been having some really nice downtime at my workplace, so I'm trying to take advantage by taking care of them!

It's now become a trend for me in that I'm ready to fall asleep after 8 pm. I get up at 4:30 am though to get ready for work. It's really early for most people, I know and I'm used to it. I think what causes this sleepiness to happen is from having dinner and then sitting down to watch TV after. Yesterday, I was really glued onto reading up on Kevin Durant not blaming his career threatening injury on his old team during the Finals. I guess I was relaxing and asking for it with letting my mind shut down to sleep.

Maybe I could just get to my priorities and take care of the little things that feel bothersome for me. Seriously, living with my parents and being under their roof still is starting to become a hassle with living out my own preferences. I'm looking forward to the day I'm able to move out with enough money in my pocket and enjoy my own space. I guess when I'm stable and where I truly want to be then I shouldn't have too much trouble feeling confident with chasing after one lady at a time until I catch something very good!

Honestly, my mom feels like such a burdensome lady sometimes and she's thinking all the time that she's being good to me which I don't completely agree with. I'm going to have to adapt to this nuisance still and get to where I want to be. This invisible hardship that I'm going through is something I can learn to overcome.

Benefits of Sharing Knowledge

I think sharing knowledge is really beneficial when there's something common in dealing with others and you value what you are revealing a lot. Basically, things like giving advise on how to find that dream job or answering a question to appease someone's curiosity. This is what I'm doing on a site which has a knowledgeable database of questions to answer. The developers of that site pretty much run an algorithm and try to stick relatable questions that you are into answering. I find that I have no shortage of questions and I like to generally answer the topics that don't have like already 100+ answers. If someone has already put down an answer that I believe is sufficient then there's no reason for me to even bother, except give it a "Thumbs up!" if I get around to reading it. I usually do if there are a few answers to see if I can compete to be the best one.

It feels like the answers I'm sharing is not very highly valued by the majority of readers, even though I feel like I'm giving away years of knowledge from what I have learned through hardship. These views that I'm sharing really help to reflect on myself, and they are really benefitting me so much because I want to always keep on practicing what I know is the right answer. The joy I have is seeing the number of views on my answers, even though I might not command a lot of "Thumbs up" votes. There is no comparison to the amount of reads I get on that site and on here. I'm not really going to tell who I am on this blog and what site it is. The only way I think the reader will find out is if he or she is really sneaky or knows me personally already. I could also go on a weird phase and just type my name out blatantly.

I'm just doing this for my own legal protection. I like to prove everything that I'm discussing and strongly support them, but still I feel comfortable having this computer screen in front of me and avoiding confrontational and angry people who will end up infuriating me and causing me to go make them freak out.

Finding A Way Through

What I'm finding out when it comes to running my own slick side-business is that losses happen. No matter how annoying they are for me because I just want to keep on winning and making profit like forever, I have to keep on plowing through while embracing flops that just are bound to happen inevitably. It just means that there are uncontrollable forces a person has to deal with, especially when it comes to making gambling a profession. 

If the reader is just joining me, then let me fill in that I'm working on profiting off of two low-maintenance jobs with almost no worries of how much money I put in it because I expect it to have exponential growth someday while I stay loyal to my strategies. I'm not going to share what they are though and closely guard them, but I will freely take everybody else's ideas if I think they will work! It's pretty naughty, I know. 

Actually, if I ever run into a guy or lady I really respect and he or she has more skills than I do with the proof and believes in me and wants to team up then I will freely let out my ideas and still surpass that person competitively in terms of gaining money. Until then, I think it's reasonable based on my preferences of how I interact with people and keep to myself and not find those really good ones except just average Joes and Joanne's, that I'm on my own for the rest of my life until I become that respectable person I so highly would love to be! 

Making My Own Unique Living

I have come to accept losing at competitive games that also involve gambling and some luck like poker is something that I can barely handle. Once I lose at least half of my buy-in or reach my target, I'm out for the whole day. I really like this set-up that I have going for myself. I'm the type who wants to make money while stressing the least about it while putting in a decent amount of hard work that will just feel good.

I'm going to go after being self-employed and who knows, I might even lead a team of software developers someday. I'm actually willing to put in all this time and effort to grind away with developing entertaining software that will also generate a lot of profit for the company and please its users. My money makers that I'm going to stick with are swing trading the Forex market, playing quick games of online poker until the U.S. shuts down this online casino, and being a software engineer. I'm going to secondly focus on investing in dividend stocks and building retirement accounts from some of the money I make so I won't have to worry about feeling tight with money and go travel with family and buddies or feeling confident about picking up a single lady who is my type.

What I've been noticing all these years ever since I was a kid is that the average person doesn't seem to be into focusing that much to reach a really high level of success. Maybe they are just settling with it while managing their depressed feelings and suppressing anger.

What about myself? I've turned into a very normal person, but I'm also in it for the long run. This time I don't feel like I have to push myself to make money, but I do have to put in more effort to go hit the gym and start prepping meals to get that sexy body I admire and would like to have. It will just give me a lot more confidence about my physique. I think I want all of this to be part of the package just for gaining a lot of personal confidence and feeling good with myself. After all, I'm totally fine being completely unknown to the world while having a really nice body and being financially independent.

It's probably going to look weird for me regardless to others because I'm short, but it's something I will have to learn to use to my advantage. I'm going to always look to try to take advantage of my short height still.

Creating A Path And Staying Inspired

I think for us normal people, we just want to be entertained and feel good about ourselves for the most part. Besides me approaching a few times the wrong people at the wrong time and freaking some of them out, it didn't really end so happy for me. What I can take from it is to learn what I did wrong and build upon myself to be better, so I'll be truly happy about it next time.

What really needs to go on is focusing and keeping it going while trying to always stay relaxed about it. It's pretty hard, and you really can't always share everything to others from not knowing some things or to stay competitive, but it's okay I guess. I mean that's why you have to work really hard at it sometimes, while other times it's just going to feel great with what you are doing.

Knowing What's The Deal

Besides feeling tired and not doing anything while settling from giving up on progressing, I don't really have that in me. There's a lot of little things that I notice all the time and it bugs me to mess up, even if my friends don't worry about it. I guess I'm actually a perfectionist then and want to chill from being naturally graceful at everything and not stressing about it. To get there, it would have to be second nature but I'm completely messing up a lot and looking back to regret what I did and how I could have fixed it.

Since I'm writing about it now, I could take this time to reflect where I think I went wrong and move on from it. It's a new day and I can try being the way I intend to be today. I realize that humans only need to work out 30 minutes daily and up to 2.5 hours a week to get the full benefits of exercise. There's a couple ladies I'm good friends with who work out regularly. They are still weaker in general from having a feminine figure and smaller muscle content than me, but at least they look mighty fine!

I have been running every Saturday for 5.5 miles and even after having a decent meal, it always tones me down two to three pounds. I can complete it in about less than 44 minutes, so about a 8-minute pace and that's not bad at all.  I would like to go to the gym besides just going for a run once a week, and I'm starting to feel that it's fun to work out.

It's starting to feel really good with my efforts to not go south and freak out others when I'm mad at them. I'm sticking to just arguing my exact points by using that proof by contradiction method. It's really helpful by the way, and I'm glad I picked it up from majoring in Computer Science. This guy who I think is a loser because he's almost 40 and choosing to study art in school and not get any job to support himself while relying on others, I basically texted him, if he wasn't a loser then he wouldn't do the things I mentioned. He didn't make any attempts to argue about it!

Becoming More Of The Person You Want To Be

Honestly, I think it's so cool to be an Alpha male. To me without doing any looking up on it for some proper definition, an Alpha male is someone who is very masculine and resilient to challenges and will get it his way even from conquering obstacles and narrowly defeating difficult opponents. A good example of an Alpha that I want to be is Dom from Fast and Furious. I wonder if Dom is really supposed to stand for domination because he's truly the best in that series and finds a way to always win from using his prodigious knowledge and love a hot lady who returns it and stays steadfastly loyal to him.

I don't support the illegal activities Dom does in those movies, but it is exciting from being just a movie and timing unrealistic stunts in real life that would just seem to be impossible. I want to live up to something like that much as I can and take advantage of everything I was born with to utilize it to the full potential and end up with a good wife.

Being short really does matter, according to a short Alpha male on this website I won't mention because he's actually a pickup artist. He's even shorter than me, so yes, he even categorizes himself as a short man at the diminutive height of only around 5' 1". I'm starting to not care anymore about worrying how people will pick on my height. It happens but not so often because my mom says I'm a handsome fellow. There's really no relationship to my mom saying I'm handsome and to practically everyone taller than me not really talking about me being shorter than them all the time.

From a chubby lady I dated a few times and didn't really enjoy except her being physically affectionate but still, I wasn't all into her honestly; she says that despite me being shorter than her, she's all onto me obsessively because she's just that type of person! She also said that with me complaining about being shorter than her, she doesn't care about it any bit and kept ignoring me. She says that it's about how a man is supposed to conduct himself, so she really believed that I was like that because she was so obsessed like a man in chasing after me. I ended up just not returning back her texts and she eventually stopped. She had me respond to her a few times and then she asked to hang out, and I would think ummmm the whole time and never say anything after.

I think with this experience, I have learned that maybe on a positive note there are highly attractive women who would be interested in possibly becoming my wife, but they could already be taken and I don't want to encourage wrecking homes, so I stay away from them as far away I can. I'm very judicious even if it pains me if she's in a dating relationship with another man I might not even be fond of. I want to date an attractive girl who is available and likes me for who I am and someone to fall in love with even if a bunch of guys keep on chasing after her. I don't mind being the guy who has to manage those types of issues.

Adjusting To Profitable Strategies

Making profit is all about maximizing revenue and cutting down on costs. There are plenty of shady practices out there that people have done in the past to sustain riches. For example, the most popular method in the past was probably slavery! It's definitely unethical, and I can't believe the language I'm writing in today really had people who believed in it. It's crazy how ignorant people with guns or being in power can act so racist towards other ethnicities and that it's still going on today. I was on a White supremacist site one time and just read a bunch of racist jokes on there with a lot of cussing about how times aren't going good for them. They either ran out of budget or was shut down by a governing agency from illegal hate speech.

I'm talking about longevity with making profit and keeping it going still even when the sun and moon won't shine anymore. Also, my strategy is about minimizing the amount of times with being bugged by people you don't want to work with. This is why I love to choose to play poker to try to take away all the money I can from opponents who love getting lucky! Best of all, it's like an individualistic business where you set your own business hours with working to make a living, if you have the ability for it.

To survive with profitability, it's important to have some really strong strategies. I know this post is about strategies but I don't want to share any of them on here, especially the ones I have worked so hard at with crafting. It's not easy at all either but it's cool when it all fits together and starts bringing in some money, so you can pay off the house and family bills and start living a much more fun life with traveling and setting aside more time to do hobbies you can't get enough of!