There was this build-up that occurred for me since I realized it during my puberty at around 16. It's about ten years later and I have this problem where I get some seminal leakage after I urinate. It's been bothering me quite a bit because it does not feel normal to me. I really hate writing this and I'm avoiding this type of talk in real life. If I hear people mocking me or talking a little nasty about me behind my back, then oh well I'm encouraged to stay celibate.
I tried masturbating occasionally and being very rock steady underneath but it only worsens my emotional feelings of how I don't like masturbating. I surfed on some web sites and they all lead to one solution which is to just relax and avoid anything sexual. I don't mind being celibate but it's hard for me to remember this dedication. Maybe I'm a sex-a-holic and need to attend Sexaholics Anonymous meetings to encourage myself to control these sexual urges and stay away from viewing pornography. Pornography is just really starting to gross me out and not satisfy me. I must be like getting a little weird because I don't mind the normal things anymore; I don't mind being responsible which would be doing boring activities and being satisfied in the end from doing them.
The strongest I've gone by being celibate after my long reign of sex addiction was one year and I did realize my seminal leakage getting better. I just forgot and became impatient and then went back to my old habit of trying to stop this thing through masturbation. I need to constantly remind myself not to give into these sexual feelings. I should not let it control my life now. I don't find a life-style engaged in viewing porn and masturbating satisfying anymore and it never was. It was just a human sexual drive that won't go away for me ever and I just need to let it make me feel a little uncomfortable sometimes and then not give into it. There I said everything bad about myself by opening up. I feel pretty bad from revealing this nasty part of me. I made it up in my mind to never go killing anyone or doing something strenuously evil, so I hope this is the last time I hope to be patient in letting go. I don't have premature ejaculation problems or any sexual dysfunction which is a relief to me. I'm pretty much going to suck it up on viewing the leakage after urinating and then watch it go by observing a life of celibacy and then hopefully enjoying a married sex life later with stronger and well-relaxed testosterone-driven muscles. If I don't ever get married, I'm not complaining and staying a virgin for the rest of my life.
