Okay, I'm starting to analyze my life really fast right now and then I'm posting what I'm feeling. I need to have at least eight hours of sleep. It's funny because I have a tendency to want to oversleep if I go to bed at around 1 or 2 am, so if I sleep earlier I wake up more on time. My feelings are sometimes a little worn out, but I see that when I really pushed myself in these times, I actually feel great about having been diligent over it.
There's pretty much two confusing states that I have to deal with. One is my gut feeling saying this is good and then when I do it, I feel like an idiot. Another is my feelings telling me to be lazy and not focus and then when I do become diligent then I feel great about having done it. These are two areas that require patience to be able to discern and to act out. It requires being sharp to manage thyself. If I can have self-control then I'll be successful and go further than most individuals in life. The past does not really matter with me as they are just whack-like shadows and pretty funny to remember now.
I guess I'll share the stupid things I did that I feel pretty bad about. One time, I wrote on a dumb journal that I was going to rape the teacher sarcastically. The teacher knew it was a joke but I got in trouble with the vice principle for it. The police man showed up, and I managed to plead insanity while giving everybody a laugh about how crazy and stupid I was. I'm lucky I was still a minor back then. The second time the art teacher thought I was racist in college- that made me really want to curse at myself for doing something to make her feel that way. That's pretty much all I feel super bad about. So the police man acting really angry with me over at the girl's apartment because the girl Darunee was claiming the property was all hers which sounds very ridiculous because she had no real proof that I was being a nuisance outside. Everybody says the reason was that they called the cops while they started yelling at me. This is really funny now and I have the guts to call the cops on them too, but not going to because it's going to make them look bad for calling the cops on me. I had hand cuffs put on me, but I did not even go to jail. Pretty weird. There are other tenants and she's not the landlord over them. She said I was on a "porch" and it's not even a porch. Wow, Darunee Lee was acting really strange with me now that I think of it. She even placed a restraining order on me that won't even be permanent and she lost control of the situation while claiming she had the right to be a leader over my entire life and exert false authority. I wonder how I'm going to treat her when I see her again which I'm certain that I will someday. Just because they called the cops does not mean that I could call the cops on them too and then state that I called the cops as a reason so they were being a nuisance. I might as well just yell back at them if they are going to still overreact and yell at me. These guys were pretty much running a cult because they did not know what the heck they were doing and it's related to a pretty off-beat church. There are some really good people at that church though, and I see that the responsibility they had was personal and they break all these types of responsibilities because of what they did with me. I don't really care now that I think of it. The heck with it, I'm coming back and acting like what I should have done and cry all I want to if I have to or maybe even laugh about it the whole time which I'm pretty strong enough to do now.
Academy of Scrappy Credible Undergraduate Desire
