Marching Forward

I'm going to try to stop crashing at the couch. It's starting to feel silly waking up while having felt unconscious and forgetting what I was doing right after coming back home. I'm noticing that I'm wasting a good three hours of time watching T.V. when I could be spending that time on doing something even more rigorous and challenging and to let my brain be tested by doing boring and lonely activities.

It's really hard for me to change in this area of not being lazy and becoming fully motivated to do something I perceive to be good but boring. When I'm home, I just feel tired and not in the mood anymore. It seems like my personal nature is holding me back and I just need to make the constant strive. My strive is that it's really bumpy and I think some people probably feel it in other ways I don't know how and then end up not really wanting to be a friend. Honestly, I think they are just being a pest without them even knowing what's bothering them. I'm going to have to constantly make improvements with myself and stay on a consistent path. I don't see it a problem in that I want to still get along with everyone now and will use my anger of seeing something wrong to my advantage now. I'm going to bust it out now because it makes me put my best foot forward.

Have Some Ground To Pick Up

I think this is something that I'm really dedicated to doing for fun while is just writing whatever is in my head. I guess I could come across as an evil person with a secret agenda if I wanted to now that I've been practicing on here. Yet, I don't really have that much of an audience on here and I don't really feel special. I think when I do receive the adoration from some crowd, I end up feeling a little nervous. I don't really like being in the spotlight so that's probably one of the reasons I didn't let my natural brains and talents develop the way I regret not doing now.

I had a lot of emotional issues that were never resolved, and now I see that in me so that's probably what people didn't catch but I don't really need to get any help for those personal issues now because it's something I deal within my own self on a daily basis now.

Feeling Sheepish

One girl I hung out with or dated at Disneyland, whichever, told me that she doesn't like guys who are very sheepish. Okay, so I'm not trying to be really sheepish at heart these days because I'm pretty interested in her. I think I need to be more comfortable within myself and be able to resolve these personal issues that I have been more drawn to. I think I have been really drawn to most of my life in keeping to myself. 

Who knows, maybe this blog has a slight affect in weeding out potential friends I could have had. Maybe I come across as too much to be considered a good friend or maybe they just want to be real with me and just remove as a friend even though they kept me on there and then later feel like, they have something to pick themselves up later. 

Maybe from people having a fit with me, they use it in a way as a training wheel to be good to other people. The way I see it is that there are consequences, and there will be things in life one can be ignorant about to make themselves happy. Basically, this one dumb pastor from long ago gave a sermon on how to be happy, and I think his main point that he was beating the bush around while trying to use Bible verses was to say that ignorance is bliss! Without understanding and being able to deal with the pains and anger in life, there can't be understanding in how to live a full and meaningful life while appreciating the people around us God has allowed for us to share resources and to bond with. 

Need To Shower

What I was doing today in the morning was working out really hard and then sweating so much, my sweat is like buried under my skin right now or just evaporated. Actually, all I really did was just run about 2.5 miles and it really felt like a short time passed by. I'm starting to not really tire so much from running a pretty vigorous pace as I used to in the beginning. I've been looking to run at a pretty constant pace.

It seems like I'm not creating a spark in anybody really, but I do have some good friends interested in doing some stuff with me every once in awhile. I guess that's a good thing about me in that I'm not fully alone. I'm just an ordinary short guy whose trying to outsmart the odds as usual and bust some brain caps open while aggravating some people who are not that very bright and seem to be doing better than I am. I'm chasing after something more meaningful than them and it really starts from the self.

Funny Observation

I don't know if I really want to be jealous or anything but some comments that some people put down don't even appeal to me and it seems like they attract a lot of people into their lives. Like on Facebook when I write something that I think is really funny, I don't get any likes sometimes. Whereas if someone puts their's down, I'll hit the like button if I think it's funny. Maybe I come across as trying too hard or something.

Anyhow I'm not really trying anymore and as a result I've been losing more Facebook friends at a really slow rate but I notice that it hasn't dwindled down by much and I also know more people who might accept me as a friend and to increase my count, but I'm not really in the mood for that right now.

Starting To Challenge Obnoxious Behavior

I'm starting to pretty much adopt the habit of telling people who have gone rogue for a little while and telling me that I need to get help to feel free in calling the mental hospital for me and letting the professionals take me in if I need to and that I am constantly working at being stable and know the boundaries of what would put me in a mental hospital and that's not what I really do. Next step is to pretty much tell them, where are the professionals and then to also ask them why don't they always act crazy when I do other stuff that I know would bug them but in this case it does. It then comes down to say that it's because we are compatible to be around each other. After all, they are just wasting their whole time being obnoxious with me.

The best way to get everything I described above out of the way and into a decent relationship with this person who also seems to be well with others and being successful in living his or her life is to just treat them like you are going to ask them just to hang out with them and then bring up your issues on the person. What I have as a secret weapon is my personal anger for hating unfair actions that some people do and for being able to use that fire to my advantage. I'm going to start busting it out now because I'm really confident with the person I really am and with everything I have done.

Ignoring Halloween

For some reason, Halloween is not really my time to be happy because it's still a work day. It's interesting how evil holidays like Halloween is sort of overlooked by the United States. The kids don't stay home and people still go to work. All they do is just dress up in costume and try to scare everybody silly. It's starting to become a really boring holiday from being desensitized. I guess that's how some things are- you are just in the moment then after engaging in an act, you become even more desensitized and then start feeling bad about it.

Honestly, I think that the best way to deal with someone misbehaving with you in your personal standard is to pretty much just hang out with him or her and then start bringing up issues and playing some tricks to outplay their conscience. It's like when everything is going according to plan, whatever the person says to you just didn't matter and is like a small speck of pain in the neck to you.

I don't know what happened but I guess I'm comfortable to be pretty open about myself so might as well just let it out. It seems like I'm a really funny person and don't seem to be much of anybody and from that some people just get bothered by it for whatever reason they want to hold on to.

Putting Something Down

I think I am going to be sacrificing a little bit quality in my writing here for a little bit. Besides, I'm honored that I'm getting some hits from anonymous surfers. I think from the controversy which is mainly people having been obnoxious with me, I'm getting some hits on here. They were obnoxious with me because I didn't care to listen to their advice, and I guess it's human nature to turn weird after disregarding someone's intention of trying to help you.

I'm starting to think now that the best way to make something happen is to sort of conceal it from the crowd and be a little elusive about it. It's just my old self feeling his way around again. It's just that I'm more comfortable than ever with who I really am now and can be confident in what I am about.

The thing is though the way I acted in the past to get what I wanted was really selfish and ignorant. Truly, I am still considered a great overall when everything is over but now from having truly gained what I needed, I think I'm ready to do the micro-managing work required in order to succeed at what I have to do.

Hard To Put In The Effort

I am starting to see how bad I am at carrying out a task. I think I'm just not motivated enough and feel like being lazy and just crashing on the couch while watching T.V. and then letting that put me to sleep. It's so weird because one time I had a roommate who did the same thing and became annoying because he was a little hard of hearing and would put the T.V. on so loud and then start snoring while falling asleep.

I was in the room next door and couldn't stand it! Maybe, I should have invested in some noise canceling headphones and got used to sleeping with it on then I wouldn't worry so much. I guess sometimes we need to brainstorm and improvise with the situations we are in and do the best way we can for our personal welfare sometimes.

Valuable Thoughts

I need to start shaping up and stop being an idiot. Looks like my feelings play a role where I want to find this physical pleasure, and I am like so dependent on it. In the jungle that's out there, it could get you in a lot of trouble. I really need to think with my brain first now before doing something like that. I'm going to try to teach myself how to survive while being deprived of basic pleasures and to figure out who to stay a human in all of its ways that man can portray himself.

I'm pretty much so stupid for all the things I've done. Because I'm a guy and with the way I am, I guess that qualifies me as a pretty scary person to look out for in the future. It's like I'm going to be like the person others think like "What hit me all of a sudden?" A song from Jimmy Eats World pretty much says just do your best and everything will be well. I think it just means to think positive all the time, no matter how others portray you and from what you've done or said, even if it kills you from others seeing it all wrong.

Whoa

I might actually be a lot better at being the decision maker in a team. Pretty much, I like listening to many different suggestions and then calling the shots. I seem to be pretty prolific at that for some reason. Now the hard part is going to be finding out how I'm going to be doing my thing.

I'm totally realizing now thanks to my buddy showing me some YouTube videos on dating that it might actually be sort of a number's game and taking rejection might really be part of going on the journey to finding the right person. It just doesn't feel good, or maybe it's something that can't fit and looks like a waste of time to even try to tap. I'm not really worried about rejection anymore, neither am I down on the dumps over the thought of it now.

It really doesn't matter to me why a woman would reject me on the spot, if she never wanted someone else to love, which would be just too obvious. I don't care if it's about my personality or appearance now, but I would just like to know for each one I go to, before I can start factoring what I can and can't do by myself to be not out of line. I'm going to just start asking in a relaxed manner now;  I'm no longer holding so many disappointed feelings underneath me- it's like I'm totally ready to go on an adventure to find the woman to settle down with. Also, I really don't care about their appearance and really more about their personality now- I'm looking for someone who likes the outdoors quite a bit and to go places with friends and to just chill and is also pretty fly with participating in a lot of things, while seeing almost eye to eye with me. I'm physically aggressive and really like to relate at a personal level so I may actually need someone to be physically healthy and around my age. Wow, the appearance is so over-rated because what I just described is almost the perfect woman for me to be married to!

Solving A Huge Problem

I think I finally have the solution to my dad being so nit picky about who I marry. He told me that in his tradition, it was really the parents who decided if their son would be able to marry the girl he decides to bring home. It's a pretty funny tradition to even think about following. 

Because I'm under my parent's home still and for being an over-grown adult whose about to pass the age 30, it's time that I try to leave the house and learn to manage and live on my own. Maybe even have my own house with a dog and cat or something. The only problem that's keeping me from moving out is because I'm dreaming big and what's totally going to get me to finally settle down with just about anyone I want to confidently choose without my parents playing a role is being able to make lots of money. I don't care about appearance; heck why should I now, because I'm already a short person and not very bright like the others out there. I might be teachable and will grind out matters that feel really sensitive to me, but that's not the point now. 

The only way for me to get everything I'm looking for out of this life is really going to have to be about me working very diligently at everything now and to concentrate a lot better after I tell what I think are the funniest jokes or after worrying about not receiving some cues. My breath is like echoing that I'm not going to make it in life, and my mind is just naturally wondering off into a visually imaginative weird cataclysm of media clashing each other with that lucky celebrity stuck on my brain; man it's pretty annoying. I think I've been watching too much T.V. over all these years and from having an over-developed head, I wasted unstored brain cells for a bunch of nonsense! From where I'm supposed to be headed right now, I don't think I can afford luxuries as a distraction; I have to grind out some things in my life, just like everybody else has. The only thing I don't want to regret now is holding back my own honest statements with people directly and just constantly feeling mad about it now; I'm just going to spill it out and if it ends up with me ending up in a mental hospital then so be it because I'm not about to kill anybody for reasons that don't warrant it, neither am I going to commit other capital crimes because my morals are founded from admiring God's principles in the Holy Bible. Boy, some Christians don't read their Bibles and go off with doing their own thing which is not how God really showed Himself through Scriptures!

Meaning Well, But Not Always Received

One thing I've always had a hard time following and feeling discouraged with is how I really base my confidence in people with how they respond to me. It sucks to be left alone, and I think all the effort I make will be something that activates later in life.

While hoping for the best, if the doors can't be opened despite giving it my all, then might as well just accept how I did my best and not be disappointed from it and then do the best I can to make improvements and keep moving forward and trying again as long as I believe what I would obtain would make me happy. I have something of a love-and-hate relationship with my emotions these days; I used to hate feeling so emotional about things that I would do with people- whether it was a simple hello I said to them or went for as to ask a girl to the prom which she agreed too. Hmm, the guy said she wasn't that good looking and how she bought a dress; I asked her out knowing she needed someone to go with, and I guess that's how I try to be nice. Now that I don't care about appearances, I seriously wonder how she's doing and if she's settled down with anyone.

Toughening Up Feelings

Now, I'm just writing anything on this blog that I feel is appropriate, and it's like the words are just flowing more smoothly. I've always thought of adding pictures but that just feels so personal to put on this blog. I don't really feel right about publishing my own personal photos anymore, and I don't even want to reveal every private thing going on in my life. Nonetheless with the things I write, I do give off clues.

I hope that my endeavors on Facebook or anything I just write in the future would do its intended purpose which is just to bring positive smiles. I'm honored for the little guy that I am and the weird person I am who doesn't get the recognition he doesn't deserve, I'm just another statistic.

It's hard cold reality; very few people if they are there really do care and those people who do care, I'm actually very bad with them. I'm really lagging behind with my time. Those people are also like the most important to me too.

Not Deserving And Not Expecting Much

Even though I don't see myself as an honorary person, I'm going to do the best I can in life. I have issues with feelings underneath that make me feel so nervous sometimes. I'm placing my shoes in places where it's just nerve wrecking for me, but from the hard effort I'm putting into it these days; I've learned a few honest tricks that really help turn the tide to my favor.

Looks like for now, the only thing that's really going to put me in a decent spot now is to go through with marrying and working at it to solidify the relationship, along with having plenty of wealth. There's something that I want to accomplish on the side and see as like the highlight of my life, but honestly, going through with the intention of raising a family might be much more bigger than anything else with my own personal life.

I don't see myself as deserving of a wife of any kind; I'm a very sensitive and introverted person by nature. I'll put in the effort to keep a relationship alive and healthy but there's no guarantee for me that I'll make it happen satisfactorily. I don't want to argue with the spouse, neither do I want the annoyances that come out of her requests. This is going to be a tough one to settle for me and even if I end up failing as a loser because I just didn't put enough effort into it to find someone right or wasn't that fortunate as I would have liked to be, at least I can say that I gave it a shot and that's how the chips decided to fall.

All This Anger Inside Of Me

Man, I feel so stupid after getting out of the temporary anger. It's like a momentary fit I have while fixating on some ideas in my head. I need to do something about it. I can't just continue to let that process continually happen but do something about it.

Through managing the anger, I used to feel really depressed from feeling angry in general and that's pretty much how I was able to let it go eventually. There's always been pain associated with negative emotions for me, and it's something I don't take to heart very lightly. I remember what I did and that's pretty much I got to try again. I gave my best effort to be witty during those moments and to always place my best foot forward.

I think I'm losing what I had that made me so unique and cool in the past. It's the life style choices that I made from having wanted to be normal. No matter how much I try, there's always going to be sacrifices that I have to make.

Back With Jet Lag

Right now, my mind is just filled with thoughts of the game candy crush. I can just visualize those pieces in my head almost perfectly and make it seem like a screen that covers my vision. It's driving me a little crazy! It must be some mixture of brain chemicals to fuel the good times I had from playing the game; I guess that's a compliment for the inventors of the game.

For some odd reason, I'm physically dreaming about taking some courses over again in college because it feels like I failed to complete some classes. There's so many things that I want to do and to balance all of it out, I'm pretty much wasting my time going back on focusing with just a few things because that's all I have the time for. What I think I might be good at is being patient long-term and then improvising even though I am scared underneath.

Raising Effort

I am a pretty weird person. I do a lot of terrorizing with the weirdest people and then shut myself off as a person with the crowd. I am so self-absorbed and sensitive, along with mainly being a time waster. I lack so much discipline and have issues with my own personal feelings. I'm not someone who deserves to be in a relationship with anyone.

I lack so much talent with people, and I am not really that appealing to many people. Surely, I've come quite a long ways to get a few people genuinely pretty cool with me, and I'm really grateful about that. I'm only close with a few guys and with one girl. Hey, that's not bad after all. I don't know, maybe it's performance anxiety or something.

Man, I am such a bad person underneath and so insufficient. That's just how I feel most of the time but it doesn't really affect my confidence anymore as it used to. Everything is going for me not so smoothly and that's how it's always going to be for me. I'm okay with the thought of being a little depressed and working hard at the same time.

Humbling Myself

Last night, I did some things that a typical man journeys into but instead of feeling like a wreck which is how most intelligent men feel from getting a type of mental hangover, I was actually feeling quite proud and confident of my current biological status. Okay, that settles it, no more giving into feeding an ego that I already know is strong and no need to go after tempting myself in overcompensating and looking like an idiot later in another social group.

The only thing about me is that I'm physically short, and I feel sad and want to try cry about it sometimes but then again, I'm always trying to laugh it off these days. Laughter is great medicine for an ailing soul! Because my parents for some odd reason think I'm a sociopath whenever I make silent laughter that's pretty obvious to them, I'm trying to laugh off these issues in my own head without showing my true emotions on the surface of my actual face!

Because I don't cry whenever I'm sad, it seems like that expression I give off in my face is what my parents find the most acceptable in. They don't want me to complain to them or else they'll think I'm crazy. It's absolutely funny but at the same time, a pain to have to deal with. Oh well, I'm getting better at personally resolving these things internally. It looks like I've gained so much true confidence these days, but I'm really taking my time with finding someone to love and settle down with still. The saying goes, love conquers all. For me, it pretty much means that if my parents complain about something shallow or small and disapprove of a future girlfriend and we both end up loving each other, then I'm going to disregard them about those things. Might as well labor hard and make a lot of money so my parents come to me for financial support and won't say much if I threaten to leave their sight because they are being so shallow!  

Getting Sidetracked

I'm finding myself distracted from going back to the same old ways that I thought I settled already. I'm enjoying my personal space and time just way too much. I get a lot of personal time to myself from being the person I am, so whenever I get hollered at by a friend, guy or girl, I just get all giddy inside and excited about hanging out.

I'm also very cautious and won't go out of my way for someone also, so I guess I'm not really into being trapped with those addictive feelings some guys have when chasing after cute skirts. It really looks like I need to start concentrating a little better because I'm a lot slower than I used to be. I used to be like being brave in going through the motions of life, but now I'm just looking at how things make some reasonable sense. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a good person and to settle down with a drama free lady whose been brought up well, too.

I'm going to occasionally slip up with my personal and egotistical expectations, but my commitments with people look like they're pretty huge to the point, I wouldn't break an agreement unless it became invalid from a Biblical standpoint. What I notice from God-worshiping freaks sometimes is how they don't really read their Bibles and go off tangent with some wacky and unappealing beliefs. They base their lives so much on being emotionally stable from doing something questionable. Take for instance, those scammers who make a living lying about themselves and offer a richer scheme for paying a service fee. Some of them feel they are doing God a great service for their fellow countrymen by messing with the Americans who destroyed their economy!

Holding Back Out of Manner

I realize that some people are ultra sensitive and while trying to mean well, they will side with one thing so greatly while overlooking many different possibilities. This means that if a guy who is very witty at twisting fate pops up in their lives then those people are just going to become so mad at the person and not want anything to do with him, while continuing to be brats in other areas.

I realize that I am a guy who can twist fate into his own favor through the way I am in my personal actions. I learned and finally understood the past problems that were bugging me. I was just frustrated from being shy with girls and as a result, what I did ended up scaring the people who thought they were trying to help me. The good thing is that nobody really cares in general what I did and that they were just being a little too sensitive. Even though I could bring it back up again, I don't think I should provoke them into a shouting match or losing debate which I know I can win either way now.

I'm just going to do this out of moral respect for people. If they decide to bring it back up with me, then I will most likely engage them in a hearty debate. Basically, for the lady, if she takes offense to it and I have no defense at the time and then later find all I need, I won't go at her to make her feel stupid. If she decides to bring it back up again, then I will have the proper defense to present. In general, I'm not going to be the one to hound down all the nice and happy facts I have gathered to enrich my life to show off with all my antagonists. I'm not going to initiate any more things but if they decide to bring up something against me then I will do what I desire to do out of just self-defense. Basically, it's like a mental sheath with a literary sword that I have developed and can metaphorically draw at any moment to combat people with stupid accusations or bad ideas.

Last Forex System

These days my mind is capable of paying attention and motivated at learning new things I'm interested with obtaining. Taking that into consideration, I now have a full system developed that is catered to my personal style. Looks like I will always definitely be a swing trader meaning that I will desire to hold my trades for at least a few days to a week. 

The thing I have learned to utilize is just simply support/resistance, risk to reward ratio, candlesticks, and the news. The first three things are pretty much the meat of my system. The other indicators I have added pretty much help me draw conclusions with the market, but candlesticks will ultimately confirm everything I can pick up with the indicators. I'm pretty much looking forward to making a living off of this and then spending my time doing other healthy goals.

Managing Bad Mood

I'm starting to have this natural drive to let my moods of frustration from inconsistencies I find after communicating with my own mother, whose been trying to control me often, to just keep going with where I'm supposed to be headed in life. It's pretty crazy because even though I'm angry or frustrated about the little things underneath, I don't express it in a scary way anymore for others and can laugh it off now. The effort that I'm making feels tremendous but it's like I'm on a happy journey to the other side of the rainbow.

On the other hand, I like to personally laugh at a lot of things with the situations I find myself in. It really bugs my parents because they feel embarrassed having to call me their son when I act that way near them. My dad even told me that no one cares how weird I am being when it comes to silent laughter and that I'm so crazy that I need to get help when I make an aggressive statement against him. It's pretty funny and makes me laugh even more underneath. What I told him was that if he ever made a call to a mental hospital, and they managed to drag me into it then I would accept it. I also said that I can function in society just fine and can justify and defend myself. After that, my dad started laughing like a maniac which was funny and a little disturbing at the time but then yeah, I saw that he was mocking me but I embraced it so much in a natural sense that my dad looked very foolish.

My bad moods can get me chewing out people without me raising my voice at them. I am steaming on the inside but calm and collected and fully opened up about expressing myself. I lose my lack of uncertainty and let anything that I'm holding inside out, no matter how unsubtle those words become; it becomes my state of honesty with how I'm feeling. Like with my mom, I was telling her how I don't want to get married and how I wasn't born right while I was mad at her and said it in a convincing manner that really bugged her. That's really how I was feeling at the time too, even though I'm laughing about it right now. I ended up chewing out my dad and little sister also on our trip in Asia even though they might be intellectually smarter than me. The thing I think I have more is that I'm more passionate and dedicated to sticking to good manners when I'm bugged the heck out with something than they are. They'll start getting so cantankerous and annoying when they are annoyed and be nagging with their loud, obnoxious voices; I really hate being that way, so I don't do it; I just stay in one calm, collected manner and what's been helpful from writing these days is that I feel that things are making more sense for me.

Managing Letdowns

I'm pretty fortunate that I haven't been hurt too bad over some incidents except for feeling really crushed, frustrated, and sad over perceiving I became rejected. All of that is now funny for me, and I do realize that girls are sensitive too and will try to let you down easy because they don't want to look like the bad guy, unless you make them really mad over some things.

The female emotion can get really overwhelming for the girl when a guy is pursuing after her. Some dumb guys like my buddy's brother don't get it when the girl is saying no to him and will jump to the conclusion that she's interested in him right away when he perceives a positive, happy moment over something accesory to a relationship. He even describes every encounter with only the positives and leaves out the bad things because he doesn't want to be laughed at and feels that he has a trump card which is the constellation prize of feeling their hands and arms. He only talks about that and he hasn't had a successful relationship and not even dated anyone yet. No one is helping him because his brother and I are like the only ones who really can support his decisions; I'm not supporting him and will never resort to doing it- I strongly believe that he's got to make everything happen on his own, no matter how many challenges he is facing.

I think a lot of timid male friends I know have an issue with facing a possible letdown head up; they have a fear of rejection and haven't made a strong commitment yet to puruse after a stable and lasting relationship. Like my married friend says, the worst they can say to you is "No." Meaning that you still have time to yourself to do other things to distract yourself with like working out or doing something you like in your personal time. I was depressed the whole time from never fully reaching in my gut to ask some girls out; I started out with girls I wasn't fully interested in and a few of them actually gave a bite and that's where I realized that they're doing it to be a good friend. I later found that I'm actually interested in those girls who went out with me, and I find them to be really cute and attractive in a way too, but I'm definitely okay with being a good friend; it feels nice to be in that position also. Maybe, one of these days, as I get more information from a girl I decide to hang out or date more often with, I'll want to form a relationship with her and maybe, we'll be able to hit it off and end up being just another married couple.

Overall, it feels like a natural process that just comes together all of a sudden and whoever you end up with, is something you are going to have to work out and deal with. The personality and flaws of a person you marry can cause a ripple effect and come crashing down if you don't manage the relationship and communicate effectively.

Relaxing With Significant Time To Kill

I've watched this T.V. show about relationships and the attractive female star of the show said that guys being attracted to a girl's physical appearance is primal and very important to developing a relationship with the soul mate. She then gives typical advice on how the guy shouldn't focus on certain body parts of a woman he's dating right away and that he should manage a reasonable amount of eye contact; it must make some women feel awkward and unattended to while making a self-note that the guy isn't ready for a truly self-fulfilling commitment to a great relationship- basically, the guy might look at other girls too and give the girl he's dating the wrong impression even though the guy wants to selfishly get perverted and mental pleasure out of staring at eye candy and still keep the one he's with!

I'm starting to think that communicating your desires fully no matter how crazy or offended the girl may become is the best way to eventually work something out with the right person. Just holding it back and being shy about it isn't going to make the situation any better no matter how much effort you put into the little things with the person, like just greeting her. That's so funny some people butted into my personal relationships with girls and became angry or scared when their advice wasn't panning out the way it did and made the situation worse because I wasn't listening to them. They turned out to be morally wrong and it had pretty bad consequences for them, meaning they ran away from the crowd they originally sided with. It got really that crazy for them and they panicked a whole lot underneath. I was a really scary person to them because I became frustrated over my shyness with some strange female Christians.

Learning Good Stuff

Over my vacation, I've seen some wonderful and beautiful scenery in South Korea. Their history that I've been influenced with is how they went from zero to a leading nation in the world over a fast period of time right after the Korean War. It was their true diligence marked by a great vision in their leaders that led to this fantastic result!

From this history lesson, I've took upon myself to learn a moral lesson. To be successful in life, you got to have a dream and then work very hard at it. It's really about having a strong conviction in what you believe that would make you happy and then purusing after it through hard work. If you become happy with what you accomplished overall after pouring your heart into it, then that's what it means to be successful.

Making Up My Mind

I'm not really a very hard-nosed person because I always like to keep my heart open to chances, no matter how big or small the situation is. Therefore, it is sometimes easy for others to convince me to do stuff over the little things; I'm not very closed off to those types of situations. One possible reason is because I value company from others and when I sat out once, I felt like a complete wretch and left out of a group even though they didn't hold anything against me. It's probably something I've have had a hard time getting over.

Nonetheless, I haven't been swayed into alcoholism or doing drugs by others because I'm really not into potentially harming my body when there are already cheaper, healthier, and more pleasurable alternatives out there, even though they may require a lot of effort to obtain sometimes. So yeah, I am pretty hard-nosed when it comes to some moral issues and won't give in no matter what. I'm done with all of that; I don't need to be influenced by just another mere mortal to do things I feel conflicted over.

I guess the saying goes treat others how you want to be treated and sometimes, I forget how bad I am or if I have been good then I get mad from expecting the same treatment. I'm starting to learn that it's mainly done out of charity in my heart, and the people I like to be around tend to exhibit at least a little bit of it too. From having made up my mind about something and staying dedicated with a decision to this day no matter how much pursuance to rescind it without chasing it away, I've received a lot more respect from the individual because I'm starting to make sense with some things that he can't debunk me with.

Dedication To Remember Little Stuff

I'm pretty bad at carrying out my little tasks because I'm a very macro-minded person. I also tend to fixate my thoughts on a few things which could cause me to get distracted over my daily tasks that could become a little mundane. These days, I've developed the habit of going out there to exercise my slightly overweight body. I'm a little athletic these days from just running frequently and doing some muscle training every other day.

I guess that's what makes the difference, which is turning something that felt like nothing into a habit and then the habit feels like a complete absorption that flows very smoothly with yourself. Next thing you know, the day is over and you're relaxing with your wonderful family and kids. I really think that it's about how badly you want something and if you really can't settle in on what you want to do and go working at it then you are pretty much in a dumb state of mind. There are also stupid things some want to obsess over for their career like being an over-the-top and self-admiring male model. It's so embarrassing for one of my buddies because he deals with his own brother of similar genes wanting to act out so blockheaded and stubborn with pursuing after that dream. He's like, "Maybe, I'm not born to instantaneously find the right girl to settle down with."

Very admirably, he rates his depression level as a 1 out of 10. His characteristic of avoiding a lot of conflicts and jokes about bugging other people get me a little flustered in how he manages his passive aggressive emotions sometimes, but overall, I'm rating him as someone who means well with a good heart. It seems like everyone is searching for the goto person or field to find answers or meaning to life; it really makes sense for people to seek out help with experts in what they truly desire to obtain. It shouldn't really be a decision of the majority or another individual because that's really abusing the natural rights of a person about getting some psychological consultation, unless the person is doing something so wrong like brought up the wrong way as a minor and commiting petty crimes or something offensive in that nature that alienates the rights of others to receive corrective rehabilitation.

I'm starting to think that what I did in the past to get individuals to overreact and try to verbally abuse me and say that I need to find psychological help at a mental hospital is that people in generally don't really care what I did and that I wasn't really breaking any written law. They are just being a little more sensitive than others in the area that I was diving myself into. If they feel so adamant and end up making calls and they can get a legal restraint on me to get locked away in a straight jacket, then I will perfectly accept it because already in my mind, I can adopt the norms and customs of a society and function rather proficiently in it without violating major rights of another that is pretty much written in everyone's hearts.

On A Trip

Currently I am vacationing in South Korea and Thailand with my family. It's been pretty fun visiting locations and taking photos. It feels like the pics on my camera are meant to be shared with the world!

See ya I am boarding a flight now!

Funny Idea

I am starting to learn that being depressed or angry about my personal or selfish aspirations is hilarious. Surely, I don't feel that way with my biological feedback. My hormones become in the mood to start wailing underneath. However, it's like mind controling matter; I will myself to laugh about it. Shortly after, I get over it.

From being short even though I have only been told that from pretty tall people, I have yet to see if any female would directly confess to rejecting me if they had any slightest idea I was interested in them from being too short. I think it would be funny to me in my head even though I would feel like crying underneath. Through laughing off the discomforts of my shallow personal complexes I am starting to feel so much freer like an average person would already have.

I am only 5' 3". Pretty funny for me. Oh well. I have read some funny complaints about a short guy being told "Sorry you are too short!" I would like to come across a girl like that and have a good mental laugh when she confesses that to me. I don't care if she's hideous in appearance or not. So far have had decent success in dating casually taller women. I am pretty surprised with myself.

Feeling For A Buddy

I think my buddy lacks confidence from having raised himself to place so much expectation on himself that he isn't supposed to fail the first time. He basically believes money is king in a relationship but feels he does not have enough which I think is preposterous but I can't change his mind about it. His personality is a little weak as he used to feel most women are unworthy to be approached because of their craziness; he has basically been living by casting outside blame and not taking a direct approach from not wanting the added responsibilities. His next step is thinking about his abilities in providing enough money for the family he would raise. He also likes to consider every worst case scenarios as much as possible. He has sometimes been discouraged by seeing others becoming short-handed after pursuing something.

I personally think women are social creatures who need emotional support along side with a partner who can share his personal resources such as his own time to benefit any good or bad situation. The quirks are pretty much what every guy might go after during dating to have some fun!